No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as children.
These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.
Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual wanderer’s awakening journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within.
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When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing and liberation happens!
Most likely, youโll be shocked by what you discover through the process of inner child work.
Instead of simply looking at a symptom of your pain, youโll go right to the core to reveal when a fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first began.
This article is a wonderful place to start your inner child work. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself โ and let that be the start of your inner child healing!
Table of contents
15 Types of Childhood Trauma
Firstly, itโs important to understand that there are many different types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including sexual), emotional, and mental variety.
Also, when childhood trauma is severe, or repeated enough, it can result in what psychology calls dissociation and shamanic philosophy calls soul loss.
The solution to retrieving and integrating these fragmented parts of our being is called inner work (and soul retrieval forms a part of this process).
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However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss โ but it often does result in a wounded psyche.
This wounding can trigger issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral patterns, and even chronic illnesses.
Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:
- Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents/caretakers
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds affection
- Being โpunishedโ by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair pulling, pinching, scratching, or โwashing out the mouthโ with soap
- Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, caretaker, or friend
- Being the child of divorce
- Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such as caring for your parents)
- Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents/caretakers
- Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods of time without a babysitter)
- Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or supported
- Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted
- Denigration of your personality
- Destruction of personal belongings
- Excessive demands
- Humiliation
- Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events
There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work deals with.
Itโs also important to remember that our parents werenโt the only ones responsible for provokingย childhood trauma โ our grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family friends, teachers, and childhood friends may have also played a part.
Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening
Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual wanderer’s journey of awakening?
The answer is that our deepest wounds are carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies.
When we’re internally contracted, we also become trapped in a tightly bound separate self, also known as the ego. (This can also later contribute to triggering a Dark Night of the Soul.)
As you may or may not already know, the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature.
When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.
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What is Inner Child Work?
This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:
Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains yourย capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and โgrow up.โ
But the truth is that while most adults physically โgrown-up,โ they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood.
In other words, most โgrown-upsโ arenโt really adults at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.
When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within, we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.
In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in todayโs society.
From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.
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5 Simple Ways to Work With Your Inner Child (to Heal Trauma)
Learning to work with your inner child isnโt about becoming childish again; it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.
In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike.
Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive way. Being childlike, on the other hand, can be thought of as a state of purity and innocence.
We all have the capacity to experience our original innocence, that period in our lives when we saw the world with openness and wonder.
To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing, and anger that we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.
Here are five of the most powerful but simple ways to perform inner child work:
1. Speak to your inner child
Acknowledge your inner child and let them know that youโre there for them. Treat them with kindness and respect.
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We’ve created a guided meditation of powerful affirmations you can use to get you started (voiced by Mateo):
Some self-nurturingย things you could say to your inner child each day include, for example:
- I love you.
- I’m here for you.
- Iโm sorry.
- Thank you.
- I forgive you.
Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also communicate through journal work by asking your inner child a question and then writing down theย response.
Learn more about how to journal.
2. Practice the mirror gazing technique
Also known as mirror work, the mirror gazing technique is a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child.
This is a superb healing path to use alongside the previous point (speaking to your inner child), as it allows you to open your heart in an extremely direct way.
To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.
You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself, especially if feelings of grief emerge.
Then, once you feel ready, call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or quietly in your brain.
Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes, say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you.
For example, you might say, “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what feelings arise inside of you.
Most essentially, take this as a key opportunity to practice self-love and self-compassion โ particularly if difficult or intense feelings arise.
To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your experience.
3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child
Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self looked like. Let that image burn into your brain because it will serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work.
You might even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner childโs presence.
4. Reparent your inner child by recreating what you loved to do as a child
Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears, or eating warm porridge with raisins. Make time to include whatever activity you loved to do as a child in your present life.
You can also make a habit of asking your inner child what they want or need from you right now. Journaling, drawing pictures, and meditation can all help you access your little one’s internal voice.
Through inner child work, people have told me that theyโve connected to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as adults. More energy, vitality, spontaneity, creativity, and joy are just some of the positive side effects.
Reparenting quite literally means parenting our inner child all over again as adults โ or being the mother, father, or caregiver we always wanted and needed growing up.
Every form of inner child work is a direct or indirect form of reparenting. But often, people love starting this process by making it fun and ‘treating’ their inner kiddo to what they were deprived of growing up or simply need/desire at the moment.
Remember to be a wise parent to yourself and set limits where necessary. For instance, if your inner child loved eating entire bars of chocolate or getting loads of presents growing up, a boundary can be set here.
You wouldn’t want to go eating entire bars of chocolate or spending all your money on buying presents for yourself as an adult, would you? Find a mutually satisfactory place of compromise that makes both your adult and child sides happy.
5. Go on an inner meditation or visualization journey
One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child and heal childhood traumas is to go on an inner journey.
For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done through meditation, and those done through visualization.
To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the trust of your inner child through the previous activities.
Once you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the trauma youโre struggling with today.
How to do a meditation journey:
Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your thoughts, and ask a question. For example, you might like to ask, โDear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?โ
Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you.
Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child doesnโt want to reveal the answer, embrace that. Itโs important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.
You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing of significance arises in your mind. This process could take anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more, so give yourself a lot of space.
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Tips โ To successfully complete the inner child meditation journey, youโll need to have a little experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts can take a lot of practice, so if youโre not used to meditating, you might struggle with this technique.
How to do a visualization journey:
A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life traumas is through visualization.
To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must create a โpower placeโ or safe place for them to feel secure within.
To do this, visualize a beautiful garden or any place in which you feel safe, empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then invite your inner child to speak with you.
Here are a few steps:
- Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
- Imagine youโre walking down a staircase.
- At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place. In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.
- Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it look, smell, and sound like?
- After you have acquainted yourself with your power place, imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a door or waterfall.
- Hug your younger self if they feel comfortable (ask them permission), and make them feel at home.
- When youโre ready, ask your inner child your question, for example, โHow can I best meet your needs today?โ You might like to phrase the question in child terminology.
- Await their response.
- At the end, offer them a hug if they want one, thank them, and let them know how much they mean to you.
- Say goodbye to them.
- Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.
- Return to normal consciousness.
These are very basic steps, but they provide a helpful outline for how to perform an inner child visualization journey.
Remember: This is Powerful Work
As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why itโs important to never make assumptions about your inner child.
Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve any sources of trauma youโve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood, emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and well-being.
Inner child work is often most helpful when it’s done with the help of another. If you want more support, the Inner Child Journal that I’ve created offers you many powerful inner child healing exercises. You can also take our inner child test for more guidance.
I hope this article has inspired you to reconnect with your inner child.
Tell me, what do you think your inner child needs most from you right now? I’d love to hear your reply in the comments.
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I didnโt realise my child self existed until I started dissociating for years on and off from 2011 being confused at why I couldnโt work out what was going on. โLittle Redโ left me little clues here and there for 5 years before I even realised she was there!! I would just suddenly get stuck in a really childish zone (voice and all) and then I would have time gaps. Spent years in and out of the psych system and while I was in psych for almost 2 years, I became unable to speak properly. It would take me 5 minutes to get a word out, the psychiatrists were being condescending to me, โoh would you like your teddy bear to answer for you?โ And outright neglecting me. Repeating my past pain. They gave me ECT at only 19, even though it was NOT a last possible option, I am still shocked to this day about that. I had only just completed my Yr 12 with a scholarship to study psychology, and here I was getting treated like trash by the psych system, and left to rot in the corner (of the ward room) whilst being ignored by the busy nurses who didnโt want me there.
I didnโt truly realise until years later though, that I had a child state dissociated part to me, and I didnโt know what to think of her at that point. I thought it was me who liked the teddies but actually my dominant way of steering my vessel was driven by her.
I couldnโt go anywhere without my teddy bear, and my room once I moved out and went to a mental health care unit was packed full of teddies and childish posters (which is fine, it made her happy, it made me happier). That was the only way I could keep her relatively calm and docile, making sure she was surrounded by toys. I hated life, and would binge drink vodka on my own to escape, and then self harm to numb some of the pain that I wouldnโt acknowledge. Sweep it under the carpet. I was starving myself, having been diagnosed with anorexia in 2012, and so the act of starvation I knew deep down, was allowing me to avoid my deeply rooted
issues. as my youth GP always used to remind me, โyou canโt start any of the deep work until youโve got a stable foundation.โ (Phew was always my thought, good thing Iโm still starving myself!) I became miserable and a ghost of my potential. I had given up on life, it felt like there was never going to be the possibility of feeling good. I was getting 1-2 days maximum days per month where I didnโt feel absolutely rock bottom. I almost reached a point where I felt โokayโ and then someone in my family slept with me and sent Little Red into an absolutely unbreakable despair. She had flashbacks of things from the past that I didnโt even know were there, and it was so intense, I got no break from it for weeks, just crying non stop, reliving and then suddenly something in me snapped, and I shut down and couldnโt move. I could only stare at my wall all day, and was only sleeping 2 hours a night. I did not eat for 6 weeks, I was quite willing and happy to just let myself starve to death and have a heart attack or something in my bedroom. End of 2016 I got a phone call from one of my sisters, she was getting attacked by my father, and then her phone got thrown and the call cut out.. I used all of my strength (I think my angels must have carried me, as I had 0 strength) to walk to 3 doors down to my nanna, and I couldnโt speak due to being shut down, and then she went through a list of people asking if theyโd hurt me, and I broke down when she said โyour father?โ
my mother retraumatised little red by repeating the treatment she got as a child, being disbelieved about some abuse that was happening regarding the father. My nanna only found out that day but she got me to a recovery place and I spoke to a sergeant that very night. I felt lost and broken through it, airy fairy. In December my body started shutting down because I couldnโt eat anything still. 6 weeks and I was starting to not be able to drink water.
I went to hospital in December with refeeding syndrome, and my mother turned up only 1 time to see me, and it was only to ask me, โwill you drop the case?โ Little Red felt the sting and shut back down and retreated into her brain. Itโs Christmas timeโฆ and my mother has shut me out for standing up and pointing out what our father was up to. (Denial, denial, denial) I so badly wanted to just kill myself but I knew I needed to be there for the kids, I raised 7 siblings for my mother and they were very dear to me. They adored me. So I promised myself I would do dancing (3 of the kids were doing dance) and I practised my little heart out. My mother ended up in hospital for 3 months in 2017 so she asked me to watch the kidsโฆ except our father was allowed in the house to be a drunken bastard?! 3 months of slaving away doing everything for my siblings, driving them places, getting them dressed and fed /school etc. and also getting requests from my father to drive him to the kebab shop because he didnโt want to eat what I cooked for dinnersโฆ. 3 long months later, my mother returns and she tells me to piss off home. Puts up a massive long post on Facebook thanking the father for the brilliant job at watching the kidsโฆ then she told me not to contact her or go to the house ever again, unless I dropped the case.
so middle of 2017 felt like the ultimate betrayal. I was ripped away from everyone. No contact. Also right after I told my mother I wouldnโt be alive if it werenโt for the kids being my rock. โWell youโre not seeing them any more, and youโre not coming to the house any more.โ My world fell apart. I promised myself to have 2017 fully sober and clean so I was my best for the kids, and I made it to the end of 2017 sober and first day of 2018 I used my first needle with meth. I became instantly hooked. The next 3-4 years I used meth to cope with the pain, and I ended up in abusive male relationships. Little Red was constantly triggered, I was a living space cadet. She got let down time and time again and I feel so bad still for letting her go through even more simply because I couldnโt handle it. Just shows her strength! Anyway fast forward some time homeless, not able to walk properly (little redโs body composition canโt hold us up) and passing out+ having non epileptic seizures, I was at a loss. But I wouldnโt stop using, because I didnโt know how to manage the real world any more with all the emotions I had buried. I eventually broke the cycle in 2022 when I said, โNO! I refuse to let Little Red be treated like this any more, sheโs been through enough.โ I left my ex partner and told myself I deserved better. In 3 weeks time, I got an offer through housing (after waiting 3 years), and suddenly my life started falling into place. I reunited with my family in another state, I started questioning my paradigms, and I told myself that I was either going to continue down the drug path miserable, or I could transform my life. So I chose to transform. I had my spiritual awakening in July 2022, 1 month after getting my new house, and then I told myself I was going to be a happy person by the time I turned 28 in 2 weeks, and I made sure of it.
I started with positive affirmations even though I felt ridiculous, I did them over and over and any quiet moment. After several months I actually started to believe what I was saying and really encompass it.I got care support worked out at home so that Little Red wouldnโt be scared at nights, and I started living my new life of good karma and happy vibes. Little Red and I in the last 1.5 years have become so close, we communicate on the regular, and I give her so many hugs and tell her Iโm sorry for what she had to grow through, but Iโm here with her now when she goes through the scary trauma re-enactments, I am reparenting her. She really appreciates this. When Little Red was a young child, she would get locked in a cupboard for hours or days or longer depending on situations, but the books in the cupboard room thing kept her alive and so I felt it was important to give little Red an entire bedroom filled with soft toys and books from
her childhood, and lots of magic and sparkles.
November 2023 just gone, i fee like something has changed, and I have integrated with Little Red. I was looking in the mirror and suddenly I realised she was there with me, and she gave me a cheeky grin, then next thing I was flung onto the ground and it was such a shock that I semi passed out. Then next thing she jumped up, and said โI did it with my eyes, I did it with my eyes like Matildaโ and from that day onwards, I have remained present in the back of my consciousness, when she is active, rather than retreating from reality. We can share a space, and I also think she is adorable. She doesnโt talk complete English and has a voice of a 4-6 year old but I absolutely love her and Iโm so happy and proud that we have made it here. It took YEARS of inner child work but I think we are one integrated unit now, we are one super strong team! Little Red still feels abandonment struggles, if someone calls up and asks if I need support or not, but I try to comfort her and remind her that sheโs got me. Sheโs still not keen on being home alone at night. So years of an upside-down frown Little me, is now an impenetrable smiling happy inner child, full of boundless energy and pure innocence!! Her innocence has helped with my transformation too, she holds pure innocence (and she sometimes gets me into trouble, as I havenโt yet got the controls on letting her say something or not yet when sheโs dominating our body) just keeping things real! Kids can say the funniest things sometimes, and I love working with kids, so ultimately Little Red is my new Little Rock, along with our spirit who we have gotten to know more and more in recent times. Little Red is my master channeled and intuit. Sorry for the long post, I just want to express how proud I am of doing the inner child work. It is painful and it takes lots of work, but it is SO worth it.
Thank you so much for sharing this story of hope and resilience in the face of trauma, and the power of inner child work Aleisha. I love the name Little Red and am moved by how far you’ve come ๏ปฟ๐๏ปฟ
Ive done lot inner child work. Last few years started to look at my trauma. Very much from lockdown started happen . Always running and being over worker. Nowadays l give myself balance to focus on me.
Still even triggers send my brain and body of. My inner child gets panicked. On positive way better nuturing inner parts of my child. Understanding my body and mind responses.
Awareness is key. Thank you for sharing Tina, and I wish you balance and lots of self-compassion ๐