You love them. You hate them. Your heart burns, and your gut churns in their proximity.
Welcome to the world of karmic relationships.
One second, you’re laughing, the next, you’re screaming at each other.
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
Being a lone wolf and a spiritual wanderer is a sacred calling in life – a unique and alchemical path of awakening. You don’t need to feel lost, alone, or stuck on your journey any more. It’s time to meet your soul’s deep needs for clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Let us show you how …
One minute, you embrace, the next, you swear you could kill them.
And yet, despite the ups and downs, you always seem to get pulled back into the sticky honey-like spider web of your relationship with them.
We all experience at least one karmic relationship in life – it’s part of our spiritual calling.
But the question is, how do we know if a certain spiritual relationship is karmic? What’s the purpose of karmic relationships? And is it healthy to stay in one or not?
Table of contents
What is a Karmic Relationship?
Tracing its origins back to ancient Eastern philosophy, a karmic relationship describes a connection between two people that has rekindled in this life from a previous incarnation (i.e., past life).
For whatever reason, the relationship we had in that past incarnation carries “unfinished business” and unresolved issues. Thus, in this lifetime, we’re tasked with clearing that karma for the enrichment and evolution of the Soul.
Another way of putting it is that karmic relationships are bonds created between the Souls of individuals who, before being born into this world, agreed to work their shit out. (Also known as creating a ‘Soul Contract.’)
Shadow & Light Membership:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "traight from the very first weekly email, this has been mind-blowingly powerful, the synchronicity and the on-vibe contents resonate uncannily with my soul’s current challenges."– Marie
Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, karmic relationships (at the very least) can be seen as opportunities to learn major life lessons.
And no, karmic relationships don’t just occur between lovers, they’re also found among friends, family members, children, and even colleagues!
Soul Mate Relationships = Karmic Relationships?
You might be wondering at this point whether soul mate relationships are karmic relationships.
My answer is that sometimes they are, but usually they’re not.
To summarize:
Soul mates are people in our lives whom we connect with on a deep level.
A soul mate connection feels gentle yet fierce, deep but easy. (As such, it’s unlikely to be karmic.)
It’s common to confuse karmic relationships with soul mate connections. Sometimes, the two go hand-in-hand. Yet, overall, a soul mate relationship is designed to help us more than harm us.
Again, there’s a fine line between help and harm. Sometimes, for instance, something that harms us can eventually help us, and vice versa.
But generally, it’s easy to tell the difference between soul mate and karmic relationships.
Would you like to save this?
We'll email this article to you, so you can come back to it later!
Your information will never be shared.
A karmic relationship smells like musky tobacco while a soul mate relationship smells like roses and jasmine or frankincense and myrrh.
So, when it comes to distinguishing between these relationships, it’s helpful to remember that there’s a difference between a karmic lesson and a karmic relationship.
If your relationship is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it’s probably karmic. But if you have arguments and dramas from time to time (what relationship doesn’t?), it’s probably a karmic lesson you’re in the process of learning.
Spiritual Awakening and Karmic Relationships
There is a large glimmering red ruby hidden at the core of karmic relationships. The treasure to be found must be earned, and it can take time, patience, and tremendous humility.
The gift I’m talking about is spiritual evolution (involution) and soulful maturation.
Karmic relationships are the doorway to deeper growth, expansion, and freedom. As irritating and upsetting as they are, they’re an opportunity to return to the Truth of Who We Are.
But this chance to awaken doesn’t come easily. Who said it would?
The nature of life is that there must be friction to grow. A baby chick must peck its way out of the shell. A seedling must push out of the earth. A newborn is squeezed and screamed out of the womb.
We, too, must go through this process of tension and release, death and rebirth.
And yet, despite the blood, sweat, and tears, we eventually realize that our pain never diminished our essence, it forged it. Our egos may be shattered, but our souls can never be touched.
Perhaps that is the biggest spiritual lesson of karmic relationships: they open us to the power of Love through the gateway of letting go.
They remind us of who we truly are.
Read more: Spiritual Awakening: 23 Major Signs and Symptoms »
19 Signs + STAGES You’re in a Karmic Relationship
We’ve all seen karmic relationships play out in literature and mythology before.
Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Catherine and Heathcliff – all of these karmic stories teach us something.
Spiritual Awakening Bundle:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "This was probably one of the best purchases I made in a long time … These are some of the most valuable texts I’ve ever read, and I'll never forget the path they started me on. Thank you so much for writing it and putting it out there for us to find." – Heloísa
But it can be hard to know whether we’re in a karmic relationship or not. And if so, what to do next.
Here are some helpful signs to look out for written primarily for those in karmic romantic relationships. (But please note that not all karmic relationships are romantic.):
1. Irresistibly drawn to them
The moment you met, you both had an instant connection. It was as if you were magnetized to each other. It all felt so mysterious and predestined. You either hated or loved them at first – there was no middle ground.
2. They’re addictive
As you got to know them, you fell further down the rabbit hole. Something about them was intoxicating – like an addictive mixture of chocolate, wine, and heroin. You just can’t get enough of them. Staying away feels like going through drug withdrawal!
3. Experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions
The more time you spend around them, the more your emotional life is sent into a tailspin. You swing between love, hate, lust, disgust, laughter, and rage. The highs are very high, and the lows are very low.
4. Constant drama
As your emotions bounce up and down, so does the relationship. You both seem to attract or create drama and play unconscious games with each other.
5. Something feels ‘off’
Your gut instincts begin to kick in and a feeling of heaviness, discomfort, or dread sits in the pit of your stomach. Deep down, you can’t shake away the feeling that something is terribly off in your relationship. You try to ignore this feeling, dismissing it as paranoia or silliness.
6. You don’t feel safe
Being authentically vulnerable with them feels scary, genuinely. Can they be trusted with your precious heart? In truth, you don’t know if you can really trust them due to their track record.
When you do open up, they can’t hold space for you. They’re either too wound up in their own problems or they flat-out reject you. In the end, you don’t feel safe enough to be your full self around them.
7. The sex is amazing
Sexually, you have a hot, intense, and wild connection. You’ve never experienced such amazing sex in your life. And yet afterward, something feels lacking. The connection is deliciously carnal but also addictive as it keeps you stuck in the same old place.
8. Repetitive cycles and patterns
The same negative patterns keep popping up no matter how much you think you’ve “worked through” them together. Either they are not holding up their side of the relationship, or you aren’t.
For instance, if one of you has had an affair, chances are that it has happened multiple times, and will continue. Even small irritations keep emerging in increasingly provocative and infuriating ways.
9. Communication issues
Let’s face it, the two of you aren’t the best communicators. There are a lot of unspoken assumptions, prejudice, judgment, and skipping to conclusions quickly. When you’ve tried to communicate openly, it just hasn’t worked the way you intended, no matter how much you try.
10. Anger and rage
At any given time, the two of you are like matches just waiting to be lit. One of you will tend to bottle up that anger (which turns into rage), and the other tends to explode whenever irritations occur. You both have a special way of pushing each other’s buttons.
11. They bring out the worst in you
Your shadow selves (i.e., dark side) relish dancing with each other, and you’re often shocked by their behavior and your own. Sometimes you’re left wondering, “Who am I/who are they really?” Despite the fact that they bring out the worst in you, you can’t imagine life without them. You just don’t want to let go.
12. Energy drain and exhaustion
Being in this relationship is tiring. You feel mentally and emotionally drained around them, but chances are that you blame yourself for these feelings.
The truth is that if you feel perpetually exhausted, the process of letting go has already been initiated. The relationship just isn’t destined to last, and you’ll eventually feel compelled to leave.
13. Your morals and values are tested
You tolerate behavior from them that you would never stand for in another person. Perhaps you enable one of their addictions, or you adopt shady ethics. Whatever the case, your character is being tested.
What are you willing to put up with? Where do you draw the line? At what point do you say no?
14. Self-sabotage and self-destructiveness
Strangely, it’s as if you’re both drawn to try and sabotage each other’s happiness. It might be a sarcastic, off-handed comment or a full-blown act of malice.
The result is that you often feel like competitors, not a supportive team. There is an underlying darkness to your connection, and one (or both) of you tend to become more self-destructive.
15. One-sided codependency
Deep down, you feel that your happiness depends solely on their happiness. Whatever they say, think, or feel about you is immediately taken as the gospel truth. While you give-give-give, they take-take-take (or vice versa). And ultimately, your entire sense of self-worth is based on the way they behave.
16. Things begin to stagnate
At some point, you feel stuck. Your relationship feels like it’s stranded in a thick pit of tar. You try to take two steps forward but are drawn ten steps back. Anger, bitterness, anxiety, and depression soon follow. You are terrified of leaving this relationship, but it feels dead. You don’t know what to do.
17. Intense desire for answers
Fragile, exhausted, and disconnected, you begin searching for answers. Why does this relationship bring you so much pain? How can you resolve your issues together?
As you begin soul searching, you start evolving. You begin drawing back a sense of self-sovereignty. In many ways, you’re starting to evolve to the next level, yet this means you need to leave them behind. A split between the desire to stay and the desire builds within you.
Read more: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
18. Struggle to let go
In all truth, you know that this relationship is unhealthy for you. Yet you can’t release the idea that you’re “destined to be together forever.” And besides, going out on your own feels frightening and overwhelming.
You may decide to leave, but again, you’re drawn back to them! The seductive and toxic cycle continues.
While some people can “cut the cord” and end the soul contract, others keep repeating the holding-on-letting-go cycle many times before emotional liberation.
19. Reconnecting with love and letting go
Eventually, the lessons have been learned. The karma has been cleared. Through the power of love, forgiveness, and a solid dose of boundary-setting, you are able to surrender and let go of your karmic relationship. This process might happen in your lifetime or in a future one, depending on how much inner work occurs.
For over 12 years, we've poured our hearts into creating free content on this website. Unlike many platforms, we believe this guidance should be accessible to everyone. If this post empowered you in any way, please consider making a donation to keep us going. Any amount (one-time or ongoing) makes a huge difference.
$3Should You Stay?
My response is that it depends.
Firstly, is it a karmic relationship, or is it some other kind of relationship with karmic lessons?
As I wrote previously in this article, if your relationship is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it’s probably karmic.
But if you have arguments and dramas from time to time (what relationship doesn’t?), it’s probably a karmic lesson you’re in the process of learning.
Secondly, nothing is black and white. Not all karmic relationships are destined to end – but most are.
Is the other person doing the work? Are they committed to growth and change? If so, cautiously proceed. It might be worth staying.
If the other person isn’t growing or evolving or committed to change, it’s better to end that relationship.
How to Let Go of a Karmic Relationship
Here’s some guidance:
- Reach out to others for mental, emotional, and spiritual support – we are biologically programmed to seek comfort in the presence of others, so try to call in (or build) a support network
- Decide how you will say goodbye – what’s the healthiest and swiftest way of bidding them farewell?
- Practice self-love and forgiveness – this will enable you to love and forgive them
- Be thankful and resolute – reflect on what you’re grateful for learning and be solid in your conviction to leave
- Listen to some healing meditations for spiritual nourishment
- Some guided breathwork might help you to release the ‘karmic cords’ that connect the two of you
- Actively practice letting go and letting be
- Do some deep listening and let yourself feel your feelings
- Begin to build the foundation of your new life
And remember to be gentle with yourself and be proud of how far you’ve come!
***
Karmic relationships can happen between us and partners, parents, children, friends, or anyone, in fact, who is part of our life.
These relationships offer tremendous illumination and the opportunity for spiritual evolution. But growing the Soul is often an arduous and perilous adventure.
And yet, like many things in life, karmic relationships are both tragic and beautiful pointers to our True Essence that flourishes through the power of love.
I hope this guidance has helped you. Please feel welcome to share how your karmic relationship has ultimately enriched your life.
Whenever you feel the call, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Need "big picture" direction, clarity, and focus? Our Spiritual Wanderer course is a crystallization of 10+ years of inner work, and it can help you find your deeper path and purpose in life as a spiritual wanderer. You get 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, a premium test, and more!.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Want weekly intuitive guidance to support you on your awakening path? This affordable membership can help you to befriend your dark side, rediscover more self-love, and reclaim inner wholeness.
3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Looking for a collection of all our essential transformative resources? You get five enlightening ebooks, seven in-depth journals, plus two empowering bonuses to help you soul search, heal, and awaken.
So apt, we attract relations to overcome lessons, and love plus boundary setting is the way forward. No point draining oneself beyond the point of realizing what value that experience holds. And the toughest part is detaching oneself from the emotional turmoil that one had gone through, so one doesn’t materialize similar relationships that trap oneself in a limiting belief and viscious cycle relived – unable to disentangle from creating the same dynamics, bonding oneself to a limited way of approaching relatability to people.
Reading this article was interesting. So my boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half, living together, the whole nine. Definitely the description you place on the karmic relationships.
So where I’m pinpointing here is the other we started talking again, and I now live two states away. And yesterday he asks me out again. We have both spent this time apart doing such necessary spiritual evolving and taking hard looks at what we want out of life. That is what led us to getting back together. My question is, after doing spiritual shadow work, could a karmic relationship become twin flame or soul mate? Because I wasn’t nervous or desperate for jumping back together, it felt like it was just what our spirit guides want.
“After doing spiritual shadow work, could a karmic relationship become twin flame or soul mate? Because I wasn’t nervous or desperate for jumping back together …” – I don’t see why not. I don’t have all the answers, but if two people who were previously incompatible do the work, then feel drawn to come back together, why not? So long as you’re listening to your deepest instincts (and not the ego-voice), I’d proceed cautiously. Perhaps give it some time and wait. (This is, of course, is my own advice. Ultimately, listen to your own inner guide. It might also help to gain the perspective of others in your life that you trust.)
This was really good. Yeah, relationships like these hurt so much and your guide is really helpful in explaining the purpose of them. Thank you I really enjoyed this.
Many articles here have hit home for me, but this one really tops them all. Over three years ago, the man I thought I would grow old with ended our relationship. We were together three years and went through a lot together. I was willing to go through the gates of hell with this man, and at times it seemed as if I were. When we met I had been on the path to find truth, self, soul, etc for a couple of years. He was the train that came flying by that I couldn’t resist. I jumped on that train with the mistaken belief that I could also remain on the path I had traveled so many miles on. I believed, for he told me, that he was also seeking truth, self, soul, etc. and wanted to change his ways. What a train wreck it was to become. I lost my path somewhere along the way and ended up in the middle of nowhere surrounded by scattered pieces of nothing that had meant so much to me.
Over three years later, I still carry the weight of loss. I know our relationship did me no good. It was toxic and it has taken me many miles of hiking through jungle to find my path again. I have always thought of the experience as a test, how committed was I to my path, and I failed. Perhaps this is why I am still burdened by the experience. I let myself down by allowing this man to tempt me astray from self. This article helped me see more clearly.
There is not a pass or fail to the tests the universe casts upon one. It is a lesson to learn. It is an exercise of will. It is more practice for tenacity, courage, forgiveness, and letting go. It hones strength, reveals weakness. It directs one to the parts of oneself that need more work. I know so much more about myself today because of the last six years. And I will know more tomorrow because I have the freedom, the will, and the devotion to this path of truth, self, and soul.
Thank you for the time you take, and the insight you have as fellow travelers along this sometimes dark and lonesome path. For all those that seek, never stop.
Lots of love to you Tammy ♡
I’m glad you enjoyed this L :)
I wasn’t expecting to get anything from this article. I was happy to see Lonerwolf acknowledges there is a difference between the Soul Mate and the Twin Flame relationship, right down to the accurate description of how each smells.
But, blessed be, as I read, I realized my last relationship was what this article describes. My eyes opened very wide as I read.
I was never broken, I was brought down, but not broken by a karmic relationship. I am broken, long ago.
I will keep a look out to never go through one, again, but it is generations of ingrained family history I was inadvertently repeating, it is not my own path I trod to attract this person with narcissistic injury to me in my current lifetime.
Now I am free to proceed on my own path, but I must be watchful not to fall into the footsteps of the ancestors who lacked a sense of the future for their own posterity. Knowing their history, I can totally understand why.
Beautiful
I went through a karmic relationship that ended 9 years ago. When we met we were drawn to each other like magnets. It was violently uncontrollable attraction. I tried to leave him. I even married someone else. But it was no use, we still ended up back together. It went on for 12 years apart from the time I was married. I moved to another city to get away. But when I divorced I wasted no time being drawn back to the other side of my magnet. I let my life go, people I love go, my dignity go. We fought. We didn’t fight. We were hateful. We were darling. I had to escape. Escape? What are you talking about? My roller coasters had roller coasters. One night I tried to stab him because he was making me mad. Not angry mad but insane mad and I knew it had to stop. One or the other of us was going to kill each other. I had to do some underhanded things to escape that I won’t go into here. But I got away. Even when I did he didn’t believe I was gone. He would come to my house as if he now lived there. It started a new. So I went where he would never go – I moved across the country. I did spiritual work to break the bond. That was nine years ago. I am in a loving stable relationship today. But I still feel his pull and when I do, I surround myself with white light and I imagine myself cutting the ties that bind. Our bond is strong from a past life. I was born remembering a past life that talked about with my parents regularly. I remembered my mother from that life. I know how I died, I was a young woman, I drown. My mother always says she wished she had talked to me more about it. I can’t help but think our lives crossed there. There were times the man from my karmic relationship frightened me. I never knew why but I was scared to swim or get in our jacuzzi alone with him. Weird. I just hope that we finished what we needed to in this life. I don’t want to do this again. Thank you for your article.
Carolina, I can resonate with you a lot. Even I had a feeling that my karmic relationship would end only in bloodshed even though there was no track of physical abuse between us. After 12 years together, when I look back I feel that I lived with something and not someone. He reminds me of darkness. I have done past life regressions but never had the courage to inspect the life time which has the root story for my current issues. I am trying for a divorce now and I hope it ends this lifetime. I don’t want to do this again.
“Now I am free to proceed on my own path, but I must be watchful not to fall into the footsteps of the ancestors who lacked a sense of the future for their own posterity.” — words of one wisened by life experience. I wish you all the wisdom and clarity that you need, V ♡ Thank you for sharing how this topic impacted you.
Whew man! Honestly wish that I’d never met them. I would prefer to learn lessons thru my own consciousness rather than thru the emotional pain and stress of dealing with them. I hope that I never see them again in this life or in any future ones lol. Thru that experience, my whole idea of dating/relationships has changed. I don’t think ill ever look at the concept of “love” the same.
I hope that you experience the flip side of surviving in this timeline. 🙏 I need some of that karma because if I can’t find the right connections, I’m doomed to live out this timeline with some of my heart missing.
Your description of a karmic Soul contract relationship is absolutely accurate in my experience. Though incredibly difficult to experience and absolutely ego shattering in the end, it is a profound and important opportunity to make real progress on the path. The ability to look at the relationship from both sides offers significant ways to learn and grow spiritually. The Soul contract idea, in my opinion, is absolutely true. Though the suffering can be intense and ego shattering, karma can be resolved ultimately and so much learning, growing and progress on the path can be accomplished.
The fact that two Souls would commit to helping each other resolve karma and progress on the path before a particular incarnation, no matter how difficult, I find strangely wonderful. Isn’t that ultimately why we are here in the schoolhouse for Soul. To learn and grow through experience…..
I find it strangely wonderful too, Norm :)
Thank you so much for this article. I needed to read this in the worst way right now. Right on time!
Thank you for this email and other emails. I haven’t had this type of relationship I’ve had housemates were the relationship hasn’t always worked out. It didn’t help that I was grieving for my dad who died in the last house I was living in before I moved into the last house.
♥
This sounds eerily like a friendship I had. This person made it very easy for me to end the relationship, though, by doing something completely unacceptable. I have never felt so heard and unheard at the same time. It made me appreciate my non-drama relationships all the better.
A lot of what you are describing also occurs in relationship with narcissists. Its important to recognize that dynamic bc narcissists don’t change and they can ruin lives especially pathologic narcissists. What appears to be karmic involvement is just a stereotypical narcissistic relationship – the patterns are unmistakable once you know about them from love bombing to discard. Once that is recognized the solution is to go “no contact”. I thought I was in a karmic relationship for 20 years which I romanticized until a dear friend told me about narcissists. Even if the person is an introvert there are covert or vulnerable narcissists. Its a dynamic that needs to be considered in relationships that seem karmic.
So very true. I was reading this and immediately thought of my ex. He was a narcissistic all day. Every sign listed here was our relationship.
Yes, it’s important not to romanticize these kinds of relationships. This is why I write, “Is the other person doing the work? Are they committed to growth and change? If so, cautiously proceed. It might be worth staying. If the other person isn’t growing or evolving or committed to change, it’s better to end that relationship.” But perhaps it needs to be emphasized more. A narcissist will never want to grow and change, therefore, the only healthy and viable path forward is to say goodbye. Thanks for highlighting this Maria ♡
Those 19 signs mirrored my life. And even though I knew on a deeper level that it was karmic (or something to that effect) I struggled to let go. I eventually went through a debilitating dark night of the soul, but eventually found a ‘teacher’ and am slowly coming back into alignment. It’s a slow and difficult process but I feel that I’m finally able to cut ties, and more importantly re-centre myself. Thank you for all of your wisdom.
I’m so sorry to hear of your painful struggle. But I’m glad you’re slowly and steadily reclaiming your strength and groundedness. Thank you for reading and sharing Sharee ♡
Goodluck with your journey. My own story has contained many of the same elements. It’s been a slow climb back, but worth the work.
Blessings
Wow. It’s almost 00:00 and I decided to read this. After seeking divine guidance and understanding, look at how my angels decided to answer me. The truth in this article is shocking. It was literally a walk through my previous relationship with my father’s son. Everything said here about these kind of relationships is true!!! TBH, I almost lost my mind because of this experience but thanks to My Higher Self and My Angels, I’m coming along quite okay. It’s not an easy journey honestly because you literally have to take those broken pieces and rebuild yourself but it is worth it at the end of the day. It really is. This was a very informative piece. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Monicca ♥ I’m so glad you pulled through it!
I’ve been wuth my girlfriend for 7 years and itd been a crazy roller coaster. We’ve laughed like never before and screamed at each other like I couldn’t believe. We’ve shared all kinds of experiences together and I’ve learned to appreciate so much about life. The hardest part is my girlfriend’s health and finances have collapsed. They weren’t in great shape when we met but thanks to our up and down issues, it took a toll on her . I feel terrible about that. Due to health issues she hasn’t been able to work a regular job in years. Its been hard on both of us financially and we have been living beyond our means. We’d downsize but unfortunately she’s also a hoarder so that’s not an option. That’s also incredibly hard to live with and I have very limited space to live in.
I hate to do it but I may just have to move back in with my parents for a time being as we have a decent relationship and my girlfriend wouldn’t be stranded financially. I could still help while we transition out of each others lives.
I have no one else to discuss these things with right now so thank you for this website to allow me to share as this is very hard to go through alone. Thank you for all you do. Much love and gratitude.