This article is part of the Self-Love hub, a single thread within the broader practice of inner work.
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I’m observing something strange occurring in the world. An increase in “us versus them” mentality.
Call it the rise of social media, fragmented attention spans, capitalism, toxic individualism, algorithm echo chambers … or whatever the hell else. But it’s more of a struggle than ever to connect with people these days.
Like me, you might be aware of the golden rule of connecting with anyone: curiosity. You can apply this rule by taking an interest in the unusual, surprising, or charming aspects of someone. Connection becomes easy.
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But what happens when everyone is too tired and burned out by their lives to connect? When there’s no space left after the long work hours, chores, and all the million other life responsibilities? When you’ve seen so far through the bullshit of society that speaking with others feels like blabbering in alien? When you’re neurodivergent and overly stimulated, or have complex trauma, and therefore trust issues?
Or what about the fact that there are so few third spaces (non-commercial places outside of work and home) and a loss of shared cultural beliefs? Or those f*cking people who will start scrolling through their phones in front of you while you’re talking with them?
The list goes on.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are ways of seeking out kindred spirits and like-minded folk. In-person meetups, online groups, parks, events, libraries.
But even when you do find them, there’s no guarantee that they’ll stick around. Life happens; change is the only constant. People move, grow, and change. Yes, connecting with others is important, but you can’t base your happiness on it.
This is why I see struggling to connect with people = invitation to learn how to connect better with yourself. To learn to become your own best friend. To be someone you love hanging out with and to operate from a mind that doesn’t torment you.
The struggle to connect with others is also a doorway to spiritual connection – to building a relationship with your idea of the Divine, whether that’s a transcendent force, an imminent reality, or both.
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And yes, this has been studied, too. One 20-year study found that self-acceptance added three years of life and a separate study found that those with strong spiritual inclinations had literally thicker, stronger, and healthier brains.
So this is the silver lining I’m trying to point out: if you struggle to connect with people, that’s normal. I feel it too. (Usually the most satisfying in-person interactions I have with people are saying “hello” on morning walks.) It’s a call to connect with yourself, deepen your self-love, and forge a relationship with something beyond yourself, whatever that looks like to you.
I have a very pantheistic approach to the Divine, so I see it as a connection to the Spirit that flows, moves, and animates all things. Mysticism is a wonderful way of deepening that connection, and it exists across all religions and spiritual paths.
Ultimately, to build that foundation of strong inner and spiritual connection, the inner work practice of self-compassion is the first place to start.
Without befriending yourself and moving beyond the overactive inner critic, it’s hard to feel safe with yourself. It’s hard to be a home to yourself. This is where the Self-Love Journal can help you create that solid basis. If you’ve got a fairly good relationship with yourself, healing the inner child is the next step to finding more inner safety and peace.
Tell me, do you struggle to connect with people? What has helped you to thrive despite this disconnection? I’d love to hear in the comments.
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Such an interesting and super current topic! Yeah, it’s tough these days to really connect with others — and honestly, it feels like that everywhere. Rationalism and individualism kind of took over society, and we lost that organic sense of community, that feeling of shared values. With religion fading as a common spiritual bond, even with all its divisions, people stopped seeing others as part of something bigger.
Now, in this globalized but super impersonal world, everyone’s just building themselves up, and relationships often turn into transactions. Acceptance has turned into competition and comparison — it’s all about matching or beating someone else’s success. Instead of unity, we’ve got scattered pieces in an endless chain of rivalry. And in that emptiness, loneliness and resentment creep in.
So new group identities pop up, often fueled by less healthy feelings, pulling people into rival camps. External expectations create frustration, which then turns into blaming others. Add to that the lack of roots — people moving around for work or social reasons — and trust gets harder, making it tough to open up to others.
So if you’re feeling alone or disconnected, it’s not just in your head. People really are closing off. There’s a fear of others out there, but also a growing awareness that our uniqueness is what makes life richer when we’re open to both ourselves and others. The real power is in that almost dialectical communion between opposites.
Sure, some folks are waking up in this crisis, but many are still lost in the illusion of impersonality. That’s why patience — with yourself and with others — is key. Sometimes you’ve gotta stretch yourself, but that’s when you discover your potential. What feels like your struggle might actually be everyone else’s.
The journey can be solitary, but it doesn’t have to be lonely. Solitude can be whole and meaningful, while loneliness is just empty. The beauty of the journey is opening up to the mystery of the unknown. And who knows — maybe when you shine your inner light, you’ll cross paths with another soul walking the infinite road. For now, if you’re feeling disconnected, maybe start by reconnecting with yourself and finding the treasures hidden inside you.