When we were young we listened to jovial stories about princes and princesses falling in love and getting married. We were taught that we only have one true love out there and that this person (who is always the opposite gender) completes us.
As we grow older many of us seek to fulfill this romantic ideal. Some of us spend years pining and searching for the โperfectโ lover who can tick all the boxes and match all of our criteria. In fact, some of us even carry around a mental idea of what our soulmates will look like, sound like, and behave like.
Being a romantic soul myself, I always thought that my soulmate would be a tall,ย mysterious, rebellious, Australian bloke. Perhaps I was simply projecting my own disowned anima (my divine masculine energy) outwards? Instead, I fell in love with a logical, brawny, emotionally balanced man of Peruvian descent โ a perfect fit for me!
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But Iโm not the only one who has experienced this. So many of us think we know what we want in a person, when in fact we donโt. And sometimes, when someone not quite matching our description comes along, we shut ourselves off, missing the opportunity.
To those of us who have experienced severe emotional and mental wounding in our lives, soulmates appear as a kind of holy mecca or โpromised land.โ When we feel incomplete, lonely and disconnected from ourselves, the ideal of soulmate love becomes a beacon of hope promising to save us. Soon we start sincerely believing that our beloved will โcomplete us,โ and thus make our lives meaningful again.
10 Soulmate Love Myths
Deep down many of us believe that there is at least one person out there who will fulfill all of our needs and desires. In fact, such a warped belief is what causes such high divorce rates and relationship dysfunction running rife in our societies.
There are so many harmful myths about soulmates that circulate through our cultural dialogues. These myths end up as rigid stories and ideals within our minds. In fact, these ideals and beliefs are actually responsible for limiting our spiritual growth and capacity to mature as divine beings. Believing that anything outside of yourself will complete or make you whole is not only misguided, but highly dangerous to your well-being.
So with this in mind, letโs explore 10 of the most common soulmate love myths out there:
Myth 1. You can โfindโ your soulmate
First of all, itโs important to drop the illusion of control. Hereโs a wake-up call: you have no power over when, where or how your soulmate will appear. All you can realistically do is be open and receptive to meeting your soulmate. The human ego tends to believe that it can control life. But life canโt be controlled. Life is just as wise, wild and mysterious as it is frustrating! Our soulmates often appear โout of the blueโ when we least expect them to. Butย it’s also quiteย common to intuit, sense or dream about your soulmate before they suddenly appear in your life.
Myth 2. What you want in your soulmate is what youโll get
We tend to approach relationships with preconceived notions of what we want or need. So many articles out there that Iโve read recommend โvisualizing your soulmateโ so as to โattract themโ into your life. However, this is another trick of the ego. The law of attraction doesnโt quite work that way. It is your thoughts and beliefs that reflect your reality. Your soulmate often isnโt someone you consciously desire, but someone you unconsciously attract and need for inner growth.
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Myth 3. Soulmates will stay with you no matter what
This is another highly harmful myth that creates a lot of unnecessary pain. As a species we find great comfort in the thought of โalways and foreverโ (hence why marriage is so appealing to us). But this isnโt always the case. Sometimes our soulmates stay for a season, and sometimes they stay for a lifetime.
Myth 4. We only have ONE soulmate
This point is a matter of personal opinion. However, I believe it is possible to have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Talking to many people about their thoughts and experiences on love, Iโve discovered that a great number have had โmultipleโ soulmate experiences. Each was different, precious, and life-changing in varied ways.
Myth 5. Soulmates are always romantic/sexual
On the contrary, soulmate relationships can be completely platonic with no sexual or romantic feelings involved. In other words, your soulmate could simply be your best friend in the world.
Myth 6. Soulmates are human
We think of soulmates in terms of humans loving other humans. But many people have felt intense and strong bonds with animals and pets that transcend human language.
Myth 7. Soulmates are the opposite gender
Religion and tradition would have us believe that soulmates are heterosexual in nature. In reality, love is free: it is not restricted by what is thought of as โrightโ or โwrong.โ Your soulmate could very well be of the same gender as you. If you identify as heterosexual this will obviously come as a great shock to you. However, it will ultimately encourage you to reclaim your authentic sexuality.
Myth 8. Soulmates are single
Love is a complex emotion. It is true that โwe canโt choose who we loveโ โ love flows freely and runs wild. Who can claim to understand the mysteries of the heart? As such, many people are tormented by the fact that the one they love is already in a relationship or marriage. This is not the same as stimulation seeking or lust: soulmates resonate much deeper than great chemistry, sex or compatible interests. As such, soulmates in this position must choose to move on, or break up marriages. While both options are painful, both are ultimately catalysts for growth.
Myth 9. Soulmate relationships are effortless
There is a widespread assumption that soulmate love is easy and stress-free. This belief adds to the desirability and idealization of such a relationship. However, soulmate relationships require time, effort, patience and diligence like any other relationships. Without conscious maintenance, even soulmate relationships will fail.
Myth 10. Soulmates complete you
Perhaps the most destructive myth of all, the thought that our soulmates complete us is not only misleading but it is also highly self-disrespecting. We are taught to believe that our soulmates are our โmissing halvesโ when in fact they are helpers and catalysts of our spiritual growth. The belief that our soulmate โcompletes usโ is so popular because it encourages us to bypass responsibility for our happiness and wholeness. Itโs much easier to put the burden and pressure on others! So many people enter relationships believing their soulmate will give them everything they need. This, unfortunately, leads to issues such as codependency, toxic enabling and self-betrayal.
Instead of looking outside for completion, why not look inside of your own precious and unexplored soul? Everything โ all the love, acceptance and joy you need โ is waiting there to be found.
Tell me โฆ
Did you have any strong emotional responses to this article? Perhaps this article was everything you didnโt want to read, or everything you hoped to discover. I hope that Iโve helped to bring more realism to a world that can easily get obscured by myths and ideals.
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Some final parting words: learn how to love yourself โ to forgive and cherish the person you are. This is the best way to both attract and bring harmony to your soulmate relationship.
Did I forget to mention any important soulmate love myths? I welcome any thoughts or experiences you have below. Finally, if you haven’t already, take the soulmate test I created (just for fun!).
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As Mati was saying, in the end it is about growing.
All of our experiences of course.
If ones soul is ready for these kind of extreme and intense experiences, he will meet such closer related souls in his actual life. For making these big progresses in self growth.
If two souls are ready to learn from each other, fate will connect their lifepaths.
It is great.
Taking the chance, being brave, learning your lesson.
And even, or especially- desiring the pain, which can be part of the lesson.
And learning to let go by time.
We arenยดt here for constantly feeling blisful and satisfied.
Taking the challenge, accepting itยดs outcoming and moving on, already searching for the next new and frightening, thrilling challenge.
Lifeยดs an adventure for the braves.
I don’t know if you meant to, but your “final words” link does not include the letter “l” in “learn”. The ambiguity of this – (l)earn to love yourself – blew up my mind :)
Great read Luna. I have a female friend with whom I naturally click with, I suspect she is my soulmate or a kindred spirit. There’s nobody else (male or female) with whom I get along better. She’s in a relationship,and I’ve had some feelings for her for a while,but I’m happy you mentioned that that soulmate relationships don’t have to be romantic,as I’m happy to be in her life even if we can’t be together. I won’t lie, I do occasionally entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship with her, but alas life will be life.
I think that is a sign of true love: being able to still cherish a person even if you aren’t with them. :)
Try to grow and share food with your partners, then you might understand the meaning of “soulmate”. You city slicks are simply spoiled social parasites. Sex is reproductive protocol. Spirituality is resonance with other souls, including higher intelligence. Consciousness is a dressed up jargon for illusion. Awakening & awareness is what empowers us to be connected with the omniverse. Otherwise, it is just a bunch of hollywood new age words for patronizing lost souls. The spiritual leaders are void inside. I have been disgusted, intellectually and spiritually, by the way your partner Sol glorifies casual sex. That is demon’s advocate. Kindness is the prerequisite to MERCY. Otherwise it is just self-serving gibberish. Yes I am pissed. I survived a fatal hit by the black ops of the US government. They specialize in RF mind control. And I exposed them.
The article is just incredible…. Loved it!…
Also, I took this soulmate test. I’ve got soul companion. What are the other 3 types?
The other types are: soul friend, soul teacher and twin flame I believe. :)
Visualize the special people you will meet, like in the myth 2, is something very toxic to do. Shapes, forms and personalities are the very superficial parts of a person, and change continually.
And what you could want or “like”, not necessary is what you need.
The most important is the heart and soul of a person (clichรฉ or not, it is that way).
And then, like you say, some day, you can see how it is the person, even physical characteristics.
And despite that you can’t accelerate the process of meeting (I believe), it happened to me, that many years before, I knew the general time and location too (like the city).
And when the time is near, one or two years before, you can smell it, so near and intense, that it feels like you’re chasing the encounter.
Paradoxically it helped me, and still do, to focus more in me and my individual growth (and not chase illusions or superficial relationships).
In the end is not about finding completeness, is about share, growth and transformation. If you didn’t work in your path, what will you share?
That’s why too, that physical separation or being together “forever” it’s not the most important. Most probably one need several special people in one life time, to produce different spiritual changes and experiences (Very very tough one to be learned in my case).
Love have so little to do with being physically together. Love and share, It is what brings people together. And when the process is done (in years or lives), despite that the love continues existing or not, separation or divorce is the most natural way for me.
But like you say, it’s life that decide, you only can “facilitate” and not work against what life wants to bring to you.
“If you didn’t work on your path, what will you share?” I like this a lot. Most couples are in a relationship — in other words, a stagnant “thing” that exists. Most couples don’t RELATE to each other by actively sharing and exposing their deepest selves and truths with each other. It’s strange how so many of us are strangers, even in our relationships. Exploring your own depths will bring great depth to any future relationships you have and make them rich — not merely a dutiful form of living.
Thank you for these insights!
I’ve never had or wanted a relationship and I consider myself complete. My best friend is my cat.
Great article, thank you! Sometimes it’s all just so over analyzed, I think. We go thru this life and we come in contact with many spirits everyday! Some effect us in a negative way, others in a positive way. Some stay, some go! I have never gone out of my way to meet a mate just living life and being. Out of the blue! Call me irresponsible but I’ve never had a type or for that matter planned anything out! Definitely have fantasies about certain souls I meet but that ego is funny like that! I think sometimes I pickup on their fantasy and go with it. Then I have to admit you come in contact with a soul that overwelms you, that sees you and you them. This soul you have never met but you feel them, breathe them, think them you have a relationship with them but like no relationship you have ever had before and living without some kind of contact with them seems unimaginable because they are part of your very being! You fight to hold on but it’s not in your control! Whatever comes, I will learn to except, no choice but this soul will know that they are loved, treasured, and respected not because they complete me but because this soul is me! So please don’t ever stop being with me! I can be alone and completely happy! I just don’t ever want to stop feeling your presence, your love, or your caring touch. You are a beautiful, brilliant, reality check and I love you!
Your comment gives me shivers (in a good way)! I love how healthy your perception towards love and romance is. Go you!
I enjoyed this article very very much. I recently had a very profound experience. I’ve been married for 30 years and at my age (50) this young man came into my life. He is in his 20’s. He was my fitness instructor and we connected on a very spiritual level. I felt a deep connection with this person’s energy. I felt like I knew him from before maybe a past life. I treated him with the utmost respect. Nothing physical ever happened between us. The last time I saw him he gave me the most beautiful hug. He had never shown affection towards me like that so I was quite moved by his action. We shared so many things in common. He is a very religious Christian person and so am I but I am Catholic. He shared a very similar trajectory to my husband’s life and they even looked so much alike. He reminded me of me when I was in my 20’s. He could be my son if I had had my son when I got married at age 24. Sadly the time came to say goodbye. I thought that we could be friends for life but I believe that our connection was too deep for him to handle. He moved away and I have not had any contact with him. In my lifetime I have never connected with anyone as deeply as I did with this person. I just loved him for who he was. I accepted him unconditionally. I feel that although I am married this experience I had was a soulmate experience. We both grew from meeting each other. I was completely captivated by his patience. He had that gift of being able to work with children. He has a smile that could light up any dull room. He has a soothing and calming voice. He loves nature and most important his faith and belief in God. Thank you Aletheia Luna for this article which comes just at the right moment for me.
This just goes to show that soulmates — deep connections — can be experienced with any age or gender. Thank you so much for sharing. :)
“…you have no power over when, where or how your soulmate will appear.” Or if they will appear at all. I’m 62 and have lived my entire adult life alone.
Do you truly want a soulmate? I’m not sure everyone wants that type of intimate relationship with another person. I’ve met several men who wanted superficial relationships and ran when the feelings got below their surface levels.
I’m in my 40s and have also been alone my entire life – not by choice. I do not consider myself incomplete, I simply want to share life with someone special. I’ve had a few short-term relationships, done online dating for over a decade and have genuinely been open to meeting new people. I can personally attest to the fact that we have no control whatsoever over when (or even if) we meet someone. My friends have not had nearly the same amount of difficulty meeting partners. Clearly all our life paths are very different, nevertheless, there have been times when I’ve felt truly desolate. I have finally accepted that perhaps it’s not meant to be and am now planning a totally new life trajectory – one that doesn’t involve or require a significant other. Perhaps that’s supposed to be my journey, for whatever reason. Perhaps it’s supposed to be yours too…
Amanda and Proud share some interesting points and ideas. Thank you!