Spiritual bypassing is a very persistent shadow of spirituality, manifesting in many forms, often without being acknowledged. ~ R. Augustus
What comes to mind when you think of ‘spirituality’? You might picture beautiful temples, ethereal instruments, golden Buddha’s, gardens and forests of paradise, the faces of enlightened masters, angels, mountain ranges, sunsets, or any number of other dazzling images.
We tend to associate spirituality with transcendental, heightened states of being that are invariably associated with the feelings of happiness, joy, deep inner peace and contentment.
While all of this is true and wonderful, many of us become intoxicated, distracted and ensnared by these highly attractive images of spirituality, avoiding the darker, painful and more exhausting sides of such a path.
At its core, spiritual bypassing is like any other form of avoidance that rewards us with a false feeling of security and happiness, while undermining our deeper path of self-growth and transformation.
Spiritual Bypassing: An Enticing Form of Escapism
What you resist, persists. ~ C. G. Jung
For a long time, I struggled with understanding what ‘true’ spirituality looked and felt like. I would look in the newspapers and find ads from kooky looking psychic women promoting their services, or browse the internet and find alluring pages dedicated to finding your ‘guardian angel’. I would read books about “optimism” and articles about casting spells to attract love and prosperity. But amidst all of this searching, I just never felt a connection with any of these things. They felt somehow amiss, something, somehow, seemed intuitively off-center and “wrong” about them.
It was only in the past year that I discovered why I had always felt this way about certain spiritual practices. The answer I found was that many practices falling under the guise of spirituality are actually forms of spiritual bypassing.
My simplified definition of spiritual bypassing is this:
To spiritually bypass is to use spirituality to avoid, suppress or escape from uncomfortable issues in life.
These issues could be the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup, family problems, childhood abuse, loneliness, low self-esteem, self- sabotaging behaviors, fear, mental or emotional health issues, or any other problems life presents.
To many people, spirituality becomes a sort of crutch used as a way of standing back up again in the face of life’s turmoil – and sometimes this is necessary. We all need support at some time or another in our lives – but the problem comes when spirituality is used as a drug for which we become dependent on in order to bypass the darker elements of our lives.
When spirituality is used as a defense mechanism to ward off the gremlins and dirty little devils of our existences, it actually becomes our greatest hindrance, preventing us from developing true courage, authenticity and wholeness; qualities that refine our souls. While the use of spirituality can provide us with a solid wall to hide behind, in doing so it traps us in an all-is-happy-and-perfect jail cell of illusions.
Types of Spiritual Bypassing
What gives light must endure burning. ~ V. Frankl (Man’s Search For Meaning)
The reality is that not everything in life is ‘love and light’ as is the slogan for many spiritual seekers. Pursuing the light and living enlightened, raw and deeply interconnected existences is also about setting yourself on fire. It is about creating an inferno of your false beliefs, illusions and separating desires, ideals and prejudices. It is about surrendering to the destruction of every limiting thing you ever thought and felt about yourself, other people and the world.
Spirituality is not always pretty. In fact, often times it is the most shattering, tumultuous and testing experience we can go through in life. But only once we emerge from the embers of our destruction can we be reborn – like phoenixes – into new lives of clarity and purity.
The truth is that there are many types of spiritual bypassing that we sometimes don’t recognize (or refuse to recognize) in life. I have listed a few examples below that you are free to add to in the comments.
I) The Optimistic Bypass
We’ve all come across people in life who love to laugh and smile, yet seem to be forcefully optimistic. “Focus on the positive!” “See the glass as half full!” “Don’t let a frown get you down!” are some of the catchcries of these people who tend to use optimism as a way of avoiding the more somber and troublesome realities of life. The optimistic bypass is often a side product of anger-phobia, or the inability to deal with negative emotions.
II) The Aggrandizement Bypass
This is a type of self-delusion that some spiritual seekers use as a way of masking their perceived deficiencies and insecurities. The aggrandizement bypass is adopted by those who seek to feel enlightened, superior or having reached higher planes of existence. It is sometimes used by self-proclaimed masters, leaders, awakened souls, and gurus.
III) The Victim Bypass
When one becomes a victim of their gifts, or of other people, this takes away the pressure of responsibility for shaping a satisfying life and taking responsibility for one’s happiness – such is the case with the Victim Bypass. This type of spiritual bypassing is often used by spiritual seekers who believe they have extrasensory gifts of some kind, but due to their gifts they are unable to feel happy or healthy. Identifying as an Empath is sometimes a good example of this type of bypassing, as it can be interpreted as the fault of other people and their emotions for behaving in self-destructive and volatile ways.
IV) The Psychonaut Bypass
Many spiritual seekers explore the frontiers of the mind, the soul and reality through the use of psychedelic drugs such as LSD, DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, mescaline and other entheogens that expand the mind and perception of existence. While this is a fascinating way of exploring reality, entheogens, like any other drug, can sometimes be used as a way of escaping reality and avoiding committing to personal development and soulful refinement.
V) The Horoscope Bypass
When we frequently look outside of ourselves for help and guidance, as is with the case with Horoscopes and Psychics, we are failing to tap into our inner wellsprings of wisdom and strength and are allowing external predictions to control the outcome of our lives. The Horoscope Bypass is derived from a fear and mistrust of ourselves, our inability to make decisions, and our inability to deal with anything tough that comes our way.
VI) The Saint Bypass
Since we were little we were taught that spiritual people were kind, compassionate and saintly. We continued to repeat this story to ourselves when we ripened into adulthood, and for some of us it turned into our biggest nightmare. The Saint Bypass is a reflection of extreme “black or white” thinking, promoting the underlying belief that spiritual people can’t have dark sides because that would make them “unspiritual”. This type of bypassing is essentially an avoidance of one’s own Shadow Self by overcompensating with the guise of a sweet, heavenly, exterior. Self-sacrifice is a major symptom of this type of bypassing.
VII) The Spirit Guide Bypass
“I have an angel called Raphael who protects me.” In some spiritual traditions it is a God who protects, in others an angel, an animal or an ascended being. No matter who the Spirit Guide is, the belief that they are there to “protect” us is pleasing to the mind, but harmful to the soul. When we place our faith in another being’s power to ward off danger and keep us safe, we are committing a classic spiritual bypass: that being avoiding responsibility for ourselves and our lives, and sidestepping the tough development of courage and resilience. We are not children, but when we think of ourselves as being so we mold our lives in such a way that we fail to develop strength of spiritual character. Spirit guides serve to teach us rather than to babysit us.
VIII) The Praying Bypass
Similar to the Spirit Guide Bypass, the Praying Bypass circumvents personal responsibility by putting faith in a higher being to solve all of our problems and issues. While praying can be a healthy practice, it can easily become limiting and destructive.
IX) The Guru Bypass
Often it is beneficial to latch onto a particular guru, shaman or spiritual teacher to learn and grow from, however, too much attachment can serve as another form of spiritual bypassing. While not everyone has the ability to independently follow the path of spirituality, when we begin to worship another living being, we fall in love with the rose-colored illusory image we have of the teacher rather than the essence of their teachings. Not thinking or discovering truth for ourselves by treating the words of a guru or master as scripture subtracts from our growth and our own mastery on our personal spiritual journeys.
X) The Finger-Pointing Bypass
On our spiritual quests we begin to see through the lies, delusions and crazy behaviors committed by our fellow human beings and this can make us angry, downhearted and greatly frustrated. However, when we get caught up in “everything that is wrong” with the outside world and other people, dedicating our lives to the self-righteous quest of finger-pointing, this can be another form of spiritual bypassing. Finger-pointing instillss us with a false sense of righteousness, taking away our responsibility of looking inside and working on ourselves. At its roots, the Finger-Pointing bypass is sourced from fear and avoidance, and is a powerful form of procrastination.
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Certainly, there are many other forms of spiritual bypassing, but here I present the most common ones that are easily observable in everyday life.
From what I have learned, it can be absolutely terrifying to personally expose yourself and the most profoundly vulnerable parts of your being to the process of purification. But slowly as you set afire all illusions and falsities, you see that life is much clearer, more connected, deeply satisfying and indescribably joyful.
Thank you Mike for your comment. I can totally relate to what you are saying. Going through the dark night of the soul can be very traumatic and life changing. To me it felt like the rose colored glasses are ripped off. Finally seeing things for how and who they are. People having a hard time understanding the person you are now. Worse yet is that you are still trying to figure yourself out. Everything you thought you were was a illusion. So you try to hang onto something because everything you’ve known is crumbling all around you. I too have had suicidal thoughts.
I’m guilty of searching out other people for answers. Waiting for someone to come and rescue me. Until I realized that the only person that could save me was me. Also not being hurt by people who have walked away from me and me having to walk away from toxic people in my life.
When we can just get to a place of surrender we will find peace. I’m not there quite yet but I’m a lot closer than I was.
the ‘dark night of the soul’ is something that you’ll definitely go through when you see past the illusions that many believe in. the last one, the ‘finger pointing bypass’ is something that i can personally relate to the most. you pick up on the hypocrisy and delusion of the typical person… you get very angry… and you react to their words in the same type of delusional mindset. it makes you just as much of a hypocrite. but with me personally, what i didn’t realize was that you’ll never get them to understand what you’re seeing (being that they haven’t ‘seen’ it). they have to realize it themselves, maybe not in this lifetime but in lifetimes to come. its incredibly irritating to deal with people like this, but only when you can’t just let them live in the mindset that they’re just in. something that i realized was that the only way to get past the pain of this was to just simply let it go. it seemed like the simplest thing, but it was difficult. its literally the only way though. let it die. you really do just need to not be attached to the truth (regarding behaviors and mindsets of others). it’ll only cause pain and isolation. and with my case, it drove me to the point of attempting suicide.
just realize that surrendering to God isn’t about being understood by others. it’s about adapting to their mentalities and bridging their hearts, minds and souls to the infinite, even if you work from behind the scenes. they won’t acknowledge it. you need to be able to take a beating. i realized that it’s the only way to truly be happy when you’re in this position.
good luck to everyone. :)
This is awesome. I believe number 2 may be an issue for me (but I’m working on it).
I have seen some of what you’ve mentioned in others.
I’ve sensed some of these before but couldn’t quite define them.
Greetings. I read this article with great interest. Recently, I was reading a very well respected spiritual teacher’s book and there was language to the effect that your consciousness determines how nutritious food that you eat is. I felt this was a fallacy, and brought it up to discuss in the class I am taking (the book was assigned reading). When I asked, “So you’re saying you can pray over french fries and they will be as nutritious as broccoli?” the group replied that yes, food is as healthy or unhealthy as you believe it to be. I am thinking that this is a form of spiritual bypass to avoid taking the responsibility of eating in a healthy way (I happen to be vegan for spiritual, health, and environmental reasons). Thoughts?
Monica, I have to be blunt, but the belief that these people are propagating is absolutely ridiculous. This brings to mind what Hindu saint Sri Aurobindo once said, “Why is it that when people begin to relinquish the world, the first thing they relinquish is common sense?” I would challenge these people to tell a morbidly obese and diabetic man on the brink of death to start “believing” that the liter of soda and triple stacked cheeseburger he eats for breakfast is nutritious … then see what happens. This whole believing-the-world-into-being is the precise definition of wishful thinking.
Thank you, Aletheia! I actually had a stronger term for it than wishful thinking. Thank you for sharing your perspective. The conversation going forward is going to get even more interesting, indeed. Maybe I will drop the class.
I have done and have seen spiritual bypass in others and I am so grateful for the experiences. I think being curious about the self is helpful in breaking through these limits to bring balance can help. Enjoy health, enjoy food, be kind and respectful to yourself while extending this to others in your heart and mind brings acceptance and contentment to my life. I love the natural world and how it teaches me to be alive and how to live among others in this world. It’s always changing.
Hello Altheia Luna, I have done and still do many of these “spiritual bypasses,” you outline in this article. After everything you listed it seems there is really no path to go. One is either TOO spiritual, positive, optimistic or negative, pessimistic and passive about their spirituality. I was led to my path through the development of a mental illness. Initially, my goal was to be healed and move on. The longer I have lived like this the more Passionate O get about finding a cure and helping to heal others. The spiritual life is definitely a double-edged sword. Isolation, loss and fear are just as much a part of it as happiness, love and light. Im wondering, with your all-encompassing outline of “Spiritual Bypassing,” how can one find the line between seeking truth or creating a crutch?
P.S. Please don’t take the quotations as disrespect. I’m struggling to accept the idea. If this is true… what have I been doing for the last 7 years?!?
Good Article!!! I fall into some of these probably more often than I would like to admit!
Not everyone can admit it though, so that’s admirable!
Dear Luan and all other readers,
I have a situation which is related to this topic. I encountered a psychic who said can cast love spell to help the reunion of me and my ex boyfriend. I first paid her 450 USD and now i was asked to pay another 5200 USD for the purchase of a big piece of candle to heal my ex boyfriend so he will be back. I have doubt this time because i feel the pressure from her for sending the money. She send me a pic of the candle which i found out is an art piece of an artist in 2006. It is obvious, right? but my mind still came up with excuse from time to time telling me it may be true. I am confused because i am so afraid what if it is true. What if i have ruined the chance of our reunion.
I was reminded by this articles and want to look inside to see what is happening. I meditated on this for a few days, it is still very unclear but the feeling of not doing it is stronger.
Another obstacles that i has was it is hard for me to believe people are doing these things in an unethical way. So I do not think i should be skeptical.
So How should we draw the line between the two side, having faith VS being not wise?
Hi Ada, apologies for the late response.
There is nothing wrong with being skeptical. Ironically, another form of spiritual bypassing is to deny the darkness in other people and to coat everyone in a glean of white pearly armor, as though everyone had good intentions all the time. You and I both know deep down that this is not the case, and it sounds like this psychic is preying on your emotional vulnerability. $5,200 USD for a big piece of candle is, to put it lightly, a scam. The only person who can truly bring about any change in your life is not a candle, not a psychic, but it is you. If your ex-boyfriend is meant to return back into your life, he will, but otherwise, appreciate the time you had with him and the lessons you learned.
Have faith in yourself. There is no division between faith and wisdom.
x
Deeply complicated issue.
These spiritual bypassing issues are really philosophical fallacies and ones that for sure shouldn’t be ignored but rightly apt for critical thinking in general. But I feel when conceptuality and language wraps itself tight enough around its many illusions, then what? Where do we find ourselves? And that to me is the difficulty of any practice. When the reflective process becomes infinitely regressive, can and does the self “do” anything else? I wonder, after we go in and look at the self and then go out and view our surroundings, at what point (if any) does recognition of their colliding occur — that is, namely, the active process of subject/object individuation/separation? Is it possible to ever fully KNOW who is doing this self analysis and where it is all coming from? From my view, I honestly can say I have no idea where ‘I’ begin anymore and so the idea of a “spiritual” practice seems moot.
Buddhists notoriously speak of this spiritual bypassing and currently view it (in all schools of thought, so it seems), as being a MAJOR issue in affluent societies. Scholars have written on a similar subject known as “spiritual consumerism” for decades now. The main residue of these issues seems to be, at what point are we ALWAYS spiritually bypassing because of the consumer culture we find ourselves in? We have, as privileged consumers, the option of saying ‘I like this idea, it makes me feel x,y,z.’ Or, ‘oh no, this doesn’t work for me anymore because of a,b,c,’ then the hunt begins again for that which satiates whatever it is that we are not wanting to experience again. In traditional societies, one could not as readily say, ‘fuck this’ and leave the group, they would likely die. So, in that, they were stuck practicing whatever was given to them through generations of knowledge. In a diluted simple sense, the “spiritual” path seems to me to be largely a free-for-all in conceptual terms now anyway given the proliferation of humans and life-ways. What seems to pass for a spiritual path, or is generally viewed as one around the word is when one’s actions and views are fueled by what we think of as light, love, peace, unity, oneness. compassion and so forth. Because these bliss feelings are ones we seek, these verbal placeholders equal no more suffering. So, as we walk around the planet why not proclaim with great vocals and hands raised that this is the fuel behind your burning?!
This is one of my favorite articles that you have written, Aletheia! I would say that I have practiced spiritual bypassing more than once and in several different ways. I really can’t think of any religion or institution that doesn’t encourage it on deep levels. I think it is good to be learning what downfalls we can fall into. It keeps us fresh. Thank you!
Spiritual bypassing is often a very uncomfortable subject for spiritual seekers, so it is refreshing for me to read your comment Deb, knowing that you are a fellow truth seeker! Thank YOU ;)
fancy words for stages in life….no one knows the absolute truth till we pass …and life had a way of pushing us along to each stage….no one ubove no one below
This paragraph is obviously anti-spirituality.. and I understand why.. it was probably written by a non-spiritual person. before talking about it you must understand the non-religious/christian spirituality which could be found by doing tummo.. some types of (spiritual) yoga.. or some spiritual/internal buddhist martial arts..
yes, spirituality shouldn’t be used as a defense mechanism since is a LIFESTYLE.. being spiritual is not a hobby, a passion or a defense mechanism.. it’s a lifestyle.. it’s a deeper side of our cerebral capacity..which not many are able of comprehending it.. the reality is not the one you see it with your eyes.. it’s the one you see it with the eyes of your infinite mind.. some may call it an “illusion”.. while others are considering it a good control over your brain.. if you’d ask me, the pain, fear, emotions, feelings.. are only illusions of our brains..
the meditation and the spirituality isn’t for extroverts. that’s for sure.. their brains aren’t evolved enough to understand the spirituality since the eyesight of their minds is extremely limited..
We are here on earth as homo sapiens, a primitive mammal species who isn’t able to use it’s whole cerebral capacity (at once).. yet. We came here to evolve.. Let’s run from our primitive past and embrace the evolution of our species.. Being Human it takes a lot more than we know..
Amen, sister! It’s the painful parts of life that bring our most growth. Our emotions are tools to help us rid ourselves of limiting beliefs. Don’t ignore them!
We are here on earth as humans. We came here to experience being human! Let’s not run from our humanity but embrace it, for the beautiful messy journey that it is.
Wise words Hedy! Thank you! <3
hmm.. this paragraph is obviously anti-spirituality.. and was probably written by a non-spiritual person. before talking about it you must understand the non-religious/christian spirituality which could be found by doing tummo.. some types of (spiritual) yoga.. or some spiritual/internal buddhist martial arts..
yes, spirituality shouldn’t be used as a defense mechanism since is a LIFESTYLE.. being spiritual is not a hobby, a passion or a defense mechanism.. it’s a lifestyle.. it’s a deeper side of our cerebral capacity..which not many are capable to comprehend it.. the reality is not the one you see it with you eyes.. it’s the one you see it with the eyes of your infinite mind.. some may call it an “illusion”.. while are considering it a good control over your brain.. the meditation and the spirituality isn’t for extroverts, that’s for sure.. they aren’t able to understand the spirituality since the eyesight of their minds is extremely limited..
We are here on earth as homo sapiens, a primitive mammal species who isn’t able to use it’s whole cerebral capacity (at once). We came here to evolve.. Let’s run from our primitive past/present and embrace the evolution of our species..
hmm.. this paragraph is obviously anti-spirituality.. and was probably written by a non-spiritual person. before talking about it you must understand the non-religious/christian spirituality which could be found by doing tummo.. some types of (spiritual) yoga.. or some spiritual/internal buddhist martial arts..
yes, spirituality shouldn’t be used as a defense mechanism since is a LIFESTYLE.. being spiritual is not a hobby, a passion or a defense mechanism.. it’s a lifestyle.. it’s a deeper side of our cerebral capacity..which not many are capable to comprehend it.. the reality is not the one you see it with your eyes.. it’s the one you see it with the eyes of your infinite mind.. some may call it an “illusion”.. while others are considering it a good control over your brain.. the meditation and the spirituality isn’t made for extroverts, that’s for sure.. they aren’t able to understand the spirituality since the eyesight of their minds is extremely limited..
We are here on earth as homo sapiens, a primitive mammal species who isn’t able to use it’s whole cerebral capacity (at once). We came here to evolve.. Let’s run from our primitive past&present and embrace the evolution of our species..
As with any group of people, there are many different types
of spiritual people with many different beliefs. I agree yoga, spiritual
martial arts, etc, are wonderful tools to help people understand there is more
to life than meets the eye. Personally I believe while they are wonderful
tools, too many spiritual gurus claim these to be the only way to
enlightenment. The truth us we all have all the answers within ourselves. We
just have to go deep, open our hearts and listen.
Our emotions are notes from our body, soul and the
Universe/Divine/One/whatever you call it, that we have a limiting belief that
is holding us back. If we allow ourselves to feel it and look deeper, we can
release it and increase our spiritual growth. It really is a beautiful process
that way too many spiritual gurus miss out on.
I agree that depending on where they are in the incarnation
cycle, some people may not be able to comprehend much of the information that
can be obtained from the higher realms.
But in this new paradigm, it is much easier for people to understand a
lot more, much quicker.
I have learned not to judge who will be able to see the
truth and who won’t. Especially since the truth is slightly different for every
single one of us. Or another way to see it is there is no one “truth”.
Being able to see the beauty of our humanness while honoring
and understanding our innate divinity is indeed a difficult concept to
comprehend. A duality very few of us, if any, will ever fully be able to
understand while embodied.
Namaste.
“The truth is we all have all the answers within ourselves. We
just have to go deep, open our hearts and listen.” :)
IntrovertedSpiritual. To me spirituality is a life choice, but other people might value it as a hobby, a passion, a side-project, or so forth, and they are free to do so. No matter how spirituality is valued or perceived, it can be used to limit one’s personal growth, and that was what this article was trying to reflect. I am not sure who you are referring to as being non-spiritual, but assumptions and judgements about other people are never wise. They create separation rather than unity.
Just as with anything in life, spirituality can be used for good or for bad.
Thanks for contributing.
“Let’s not run from our humanity but embrace it, for the beautiful messy journey that it is.”—> I love this, Hedy. I feel exactly the same about it and I completely agree with you. Thank you, Hedy.