When we were young we listened to jovial stories about princes and princesses falling in love and getting married. We were taught that we only have one true love out there and that this person (who is always the opposite gender) completes us.
As we grow older many of us seek to fulfill this romantic ideal. Some of us spend years pining and searching for the “perfect” lover who can tick all the boxes and match all of our criteria. In fact, some of us even carry around a mental idea of what our soulmates will look like, sound like, and behave like.
Being a romantic soul myself, I always thought that my soulmate would be a tall, mysterious, rebellious, Australian bloke. Perhaps I was simply projecting my own disowned anima (my divine masculine energy) outwards? Instead, I fell in love with a logical, brawny, emotionally balanced man of Peruvian descent – a perfect fit for me!
But I’m not the only one who has experienced this. So many of us think we know what we want in a person, when in fact we don’t. And sometimes, when someone not quite matching our description comes along, we shut ourselves off, missing the opportunity.
To those of us who have experienced severe emotional and mental wounding in our lives, soulmates appear as a kind of holy mecca or “promised land.” When we feel incomplete, lonely and disconnected from ourselves, the ideal of soulmate love becomes a beacon of hope promising to save us. Soon we start sincerely believing that our beloved will “complete us,” and thus make our lives meaningful again.
10 Soulmate Love Myths
Deep down many of us believe that there is at least one person out there who will fulfill all of our needs and desires. In fact, such a warped belief is what causes such high divorce rates and relationship dysfunction running rife in our societies.
There are so many harmful myths about soulmates that circulate through our cultural dialogues. These myths end up as rigid stories and ideals within our minds. In fact, these ideals and beliefs are actually responsible for limiting our spiritual growth and capacity to mature as divine beings. Believing that anything outside of yourself will complete or make you whole is not only misguided, but highly dangerous to your well-being.
So with this in mind, let’s explore 10 of the most common soulmate love myths out there:
Myth 1. You can “find” your soulmate
First of all, it’s important to drop the illusion of control. Here’s a wake-up call: you have no power over when, where or how your soulmate will appear. All you can realistically do is be open and receptive to meeting your soulmate. The human ego tends to believe that it can control life. But life can’t be controlled. Life is just as wise, wild and mysterious as it is frustrating! Our soulmates often appear “out of the blue” when we least expect them to. But it’s also quite common to intuit, sense or dream about your soulmate before they suddenly appear in your life.
Myth 2. What you want in your soulmate is what you’ll get
We tend to approach relationships with preconceived notions of what we want or need. So many articles out there that I’ve read recommend “visualizing your soulmate” so as to “attract them” into your life. However, this is another trick of the ego. The law of attraction doesn’t quite work that way. It is your thoughts and beliefs that reflect your reality. Your soulmate often isn’t someone you consciously desire, but someone you unconsciously attract and need for inner growth.
Dissolve the shadows that obscure your inner Light in this weekly email-based membership! Perfect for any soul seeker serious about practicing ongoing shadow work and self-love.
Myth 3. Soulmates will stay with you no matter what
This is another highly harmful myth that creates a lot of unnecessary pain. As a species we find great comfort in the thought of “always and forever” (hence why marriage is so appealing to us). But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes our soulmates stay for a season, and sometimes they stay for a lifetime.
Myth 4. We only have ONE soulmate
This point is a matter of personal opinion. However, I believe it is possible to have more than one soulmate in a lifetime. Talking to many people about their thoughts and experiences on love, I’ve discovered that a great number have had “multiple” soulmate experiences. Each was different, precious, and life-changing in varied ways.
Myth 5. Soulmates are always romantic/sexual
On the contrary, soulmate relationships can be completely platonic with no sexual or romantic feelings involved. In other words, your soulmate could simply be your best friend in the world.
Myth 6. Soulmates are human
We think of soulmates in terms of humans loving other humans. But many people have felt intense and strong bonds with animals and pets that transcend human language.
Myth 7. Soulmates are the opposite gender
Religion and tradition would have us believe that soulmates are heterosexual in nature. In reality, love is free: it is not restricted by what is thought of as “right” or “wrong.” Your soulmate could very well be of the same gender as you. If you identify as heterosexual this will obviously come as a great shock to you. However, it will ultimately encourage you to reclaim your authentic sexuality.
Myth 8. Soulmates are single
Love is a complex emotion. It is true that “we can’t choose who we love” — love flows freely and runs wild. Who can claim to understand the mysteries of the heart? As such, many people are tormented by the fact that the one they love is already in a relationship or marriage. This is not the same as stimulation seeking or lust: soulmates resonate much deeper than great chemistry, sex or compatible interests. As such, soulmates in this position must choose to move on, or break up marriages. While both options are painful, both are ultimately catalysts for growth.
Myth 9. Soulmate relationships are effortless
There is a widespread assumption that soulmate love is easy and stress-free. This belief adds to the desirability and idealization of such a relationship. However, soulmate relationships require time, effort, patience and diligence like any other relationships. Without conscious maintenance, even soulmate relationships will fail.
Myth 10. Soulmates complete you
Perhaps the most destructive myth of all, the thought that our soulmates complete us is not only misleading but it is also highly self-disrespecting. We are taught to believe that our soulmates are our “missing halves” when in fact they are helpers and catalysts of our spiritual growth. The belief that our soulmate “completes us” is so popular because it encourages us to bypass responsibility for our happiness and wholeness. It’s much easier to put the burden and pressure on others! So many people enter relationships believing their soulmate will give them everything they need. This, unfortunately, leads to issues such as codependency, toxic enabling and self-betrayal.
Instead of looking outside for completion, why not look inside of your own precious and unexplored soul? Everything — all the love, acceptance and joy you need — is waiting there to be found.
Tell me …
Did you have any strong emotional responses to this article? Perhaps this article was everything you didn’t want to read, or everything you hoped to discover. I hope that I’ve helped to bring more realism to a world that can easily get obscured by myths and ideals.
Some final parting words: learn how to love yourself – to forgive and cherish the person you are. This is the best way to both attract and bring harmony to your soulmate relationship.
Did I forget to mention any important soulmate love myths? I welcome any thoughts or experiences you have below. Finally, if you haven’t already, take the soulmate test I created (just for fun!). 1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Are you feeling lost, adrift, and unsure of your life's purpose? Gain clarity, focus, and direction on your inner path by uncovering the five archetypes of awakening within you. Learn how to navigate the highs and lows of your inner journey and chart your unique path with 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, and a premium test. 2. Shadow & Light Membership: Do you crave consistent support on your spiritual quest? Receive weekly intuitive guidance and learn to embrace your whole self, including your shadow side. Cultivate deeper self-love with our affordable, personalized support. 3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Ready to embark on a profound soul-searching adventure? Dive into our collection of essential transformative resources! Explore five illuminating eBooks and seven in-depth journals, plus unlock two special bonuses to empower your spiritual growth.Three paths to inner transformation – here’s how I can help you go deeper:
$5
As Mati was saying, in the end it is about growing.
All of our experiences of course.
If ones soul is ready for these kind of extreme and intense experiences, he will meet such closer related souls in his actual life. For making these big progresses in self growth.
If two souls are ready to learn from each other, fate will connect their lifepaths.
It is great.
Taking the chance, being brave, learning your lesson.
And even, or especially- desiring the pain, which can be part of the lesson.
And learning to let go by time.
We aren´t here for constantly feeling blisful and satisfied.
Taking the challenge, accepting it´s outcoming and moving on, already searching for the next new and frightening, thrilling challenge.
Life´s an adventure for the braves.
I don’t know if you meant to, but your “final words” link does not include the letter “l” in “learn”. The ambiguity of this – (l)earn to love yourself – blew up my mind :)
Great read Luna. I have a female friend with whom I naturally click with, I suspect she is my soulmate or a kindred spirit. There’s nobody else (male or female) with whom I get along better. She’s in a relationship,and I’ve had some feelings for her for a while,but I’m happy you mentioned that that soulmate relationships don’t have to be romantic,as I’m happy to be in her life even if we can’t be together. I won’t lie, I do occasionally entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship with her, but alas life will be life.
Try to grow and share food with your partners, then you might understand the meaning of “soulmate”. You city slicks are simply spoiled social parasites. Sex is reproductive protocol. Spirituality is resonance with other souls, including higher intelligence. Consciousness is a dressed up jargon for illusion. Awakening & awareness is what empowers us to be connected with the omniverse. Otherwise, it is just a bunch of hollywood new age words for patronizing lost souls. The spiritual leaders are void inside. I have been disgusted, intellectually and spiritually, by the way your partner Sol glorifies casual sex. That is demon’s advocate. Kindness is the prerequisite to MERCY. Otherwise it is just self-serving gibberish. Yes I am pissed. I survived a fatal hit by the black ops of the US government. They specialize in RF mind control. And I exposed them.
The article is just incredible…. Loved it!…
Also, I took this soulmate test. I’ve got soul companion. What are the other 3 types?
Visualize the special people you will meet, like in the myth 2, is something very toxic to do. Shapes, forms and personalities are the very superficial parts of a person, and change continually. And what you could want or “like”, not necessary is what you need. The most important is the heart and soul of a person (cliché or not, it is that way). And then, like you say, some day, you can see how it is the person, even physical characteristics. And despite that you can’t accelerate the process of meeting (I believe), it happened to me, that many years before, I knew the general time and location too (like the city). And when the time is near, one or two years before, you can smell it, so near and intense, that it feels like you’re chasing the encounter. Paradoxically it helped me, and still do, to focus more in me and my individual growth (and not chase illusions or superficial relationships). In the end is not about finding completeness, is about share, growth and transformation. If you didn’t work in your path, what will you share? That’s why too, that physical separation or being together “forever” it’s not… Read more »
I’ve never had or wanted a relationship and I consider myself complete. My best friend is my cat.
Great article, thank you! Sometimes it’s all just so over analyzed, I think. We go thru this life and we come in contact with many spirits everyday! Some effect us in a negative way, others in a positive way. Some stay, some go! I have never gone out of my way to meet a mate just living life and being. Out of the blue! Call me irresponsible but I’ve never had a type or for that matter planned anything out! Definitely have fantasies about certain souls I meet but that ego is funny like that! I think sometimes I pickup on their fantasy and go with it. Then I have to admit you come in contact with a soul that overwelms you, that sees you and you them. This soul you have never met but you feel them, breathe them, think them you have a relationship with them but like no relationship you have ever had before and living without some kind of contact with them seems unimaginable because they are part of your very being! You fight to hold on but it’s not in your control! Whatever comes, I will learn to except, no choice but this soul will… Read more »
I enjoyed this article very very much. I recently had a very profound experience. I’ve been married for 30 years and at my age (50) this young man came into my life. He is in his 20’s. He was my fitness instructor and we connected on a very spiritual level. I felt a deep connection with this person’s energy. I felt like I knew him from before maybe a past life. I treated him with the utmost respect. Nothing physical ever happened between us. The last time I saw him he gave me the most beautiful hug. He had never shown affection towards me like that so I was quite moved by his action. We shared so many things in common. He is a very religious Christian person and so am I but I am Catholic. He shared a very similar trajectory to my husband’s life and they even looked so much alike. He reminded me of me when I was in my 20’s. He could be my son if I had had my son when I got married at age 24. Sadly the time came to say goodbye. I thought that we could be friends for life but I… Read more »
“…you have no power over when, where or how your soulmate will appear.” Or if they will appear at all. I’m 62 and have lived my entire adult life alone.