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    » Home » Illumination

    What is Spiritual Sex?

    Reading time: 6 mins

    by Mateo · Aug 19, 2021 · 112 Comments

    Image of a woman experiencing spiritual sex

    What if instead of an obstacle, sex was a pathway toward a spiritual life?

    Those of us who have been raised with religious backgrounds have often been taught that sexuality and spirituality are opposing forces, that you cannot be virtuous if you have sex because sex is a “sin” or is “unspiritual.”

    Prior to dogmatic ideologies, sexuality was respected for thousands of years as a sacred expression of nature’s life force and the mystery of creation. Although I’ve written about the value of sexual transmutation, or sexual abstinence in the past, I want to make it very clear in this article that sex can also work as a catalyst for cultivating spiritual well-being.

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    To lead a spiritual life you need to embrace and respect your sexuality just as much as any other part of your nature. Although sex has been linked to many dirty and “perverse” ideas, the act of lovemaking can truly be something sacred and profound.

    Table of contents

    • How to Deal With Sexual Guilt and Shame
    • Spiritual Sex: 3 Types of Divine Union
      • 1. The Alert Union
      • 2. The Conscious Union
      • 3. The Soulful Union
    • Spiritual Sex Connects Us Back With Our Center

    How to Deal With Sexual Guilt and Shame

    Sexuality is a taboo topic in our society because it is one of those primal forces which we consciously or unconsciously feel powerless to control. Deep down, we sense that it is connected to that unknown universal source of energy from which we came from and continue to exist within.

    The feeling of shame is one of the biggest obstacles most of us face in learning to embrace our sexuality. In a culture that has infected us with the notions of virtue and shame; where a murder scene on television is more “viewer-friendly” than a lovemaking one; where women were once thought of as incapable of experiencing an orgasm, it becomes apparent how difficult it is to openly accept and acknowledge this life force that exists within us.

    Shame is an emotion that we’re taught by our families and communities. Since a very young age we’re taught what we “should and shouldn’t feel bad about,” and as a result of this we develop the capacity to experience guilt. Through guilt we begin rejecting sacred aspects of ourselves and repressing them deep into our Shadow Selves; our sexual desires, quirks, attractions and fantasies.

    I’ve even seen some people deny their sexuality, dismissing it as a “lower physical instinct/vibration” or claiming to “rise above it” as if there is a division between “lower” physical cravings and “higher” spiritual functions when we are seeking wholeness. Sex forms the base notes of your Spirit’s musical melody.

    Of course, you are more than solely a sexual being: your sexuality doesn’t define you, but it is a part of you. But it’s by denying it as a part of you that you create blockages of energy within your body that perpetuates the fragmentation of your soul, keeping you incomplete and restricted instead of expanded and whole.

    Ironically, it is the sexual orgasm that gives us a taste of soulful expansion, of transcending our limited selves, and feeling boundless for the first time in our entire lives (if only a momentary glimpse).

    Spiritual Sex: 3 Types of Divine Union

    Many of us haven’t been taught that sex is actually a powerful tool of transcendental development. In fact, spiritual sex is the quickest and easiest way to have something resembling a mystical experience.

    The powerful thing about sexual energy is that it’s one of the few instincts within us that can rarely be completely “civilized.” If you are tired at home from work and a friend offers you to go out to watch a movie you may pass on the offer. But if you were to meet an attractive person instead who was to make him/herself available to you, it would arouse a deep energy within you that you weren’t aware existed.

    Any type of ecstatic experience – like sex – is an ideal starting point to begin cultivating spiritual moments of “no-mind” and bringing them naturally into our daily lives. In my experience, there are three main types of sex that you can benefit from:

    1. The Alert Union

    Most first time sexual experiences with partners fall into this type of union. When we make ourselves vulnerable, intimate, exposed and “work” toward that mutual pleasurable moment of bliss, our conscious awareness becomes heightened by the novelty of exploring the other person’s body.

    This union is not so much a mindful awareness but an alert awareness that instinctively takes over. Our feelings of vulnerability and excitement make our natural adrenaline mechanism stimulate alertness making the experience much more primal than spiritual. This type of sex is very addictive as the novelty of pursuing new sexual partners rewards us with that momentary “god-like” state of consciousness.

    2. The Conscious Union

    It’s typical however that as our sense of vulnerability and stimulation weakens so too does our desire for the first type of love-making (The Alert Union).

    In The Conscious Union, we learn how to cultivate a more balanced form of spiritual sex, one that creates harmony between the passionate animal and sensually playful side of our sexuality. In The Conscious Union we listen to our sexual desires, explore our bodies and those of our lovers, build deeper intimacy through eye-gazing, sensually caress, and follow our deepest forms of sexual expression. These often generate intense feelings of union and love that briefly take us beyond our sense of self.

    It is through this practice of conscious union that we can reach the next stage of soulful union.

    3. The Soulful Union

    There’s a beautiful term in the Sanskrit Tantric scriptures known as “Maithuna” which literally translates to “sexual union.” Maithuna is one of Tantra’s most important teachings as it makes use of conscious “sexual intensity” as a ladder that ascends to greater heights of intensity, focusing upon the illumination of the soul rather than solely on physical sexual pleasure.

    The sexual urge derives its strength from the body and our emotions, and by itself is not powerful enough to lift us to new levels of conscious awareness. It is Tantric sex that helps us to experience a true sexual Soulful Union by helping us to embody our Soul. This type of sex can only be described as a feeling of boundless pure bliss, warmth and identity-merging (or ego death) especially during orgasm.


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    If you would like to experience Soulful Union via spiritual sex, here are some recommendations:

    • Stay celibate for as long as you can. This will increase your sexual energy so that you can learn to channel it. You may feel a tingling sensation in your lower back, this is your kundalini energy which assists in the experience of Unity.
    • Set aside time to dedicate only to your partner. Create a sensual space with candles, soft ethnic music, silken robes, aphrodisiac fragrances, and so forth.
    • Sit in front of each other and lightly move your hands over your partner’s body (to awaken their nerves). Allow your soft strokes to tingle through their body, but don’t allow your hands to pass over their erogenous zones (nipples, penis, etc.), only near them. Prolong this state of arousal for as long as desired.
    • Sit in each other’s lap (called the “yab-yum” position) and breathe each other’s breath. This allows both of you to consciously harmonize with each other.
    • Maintain eye-contact throughout intercourse. Witnessing the act of love-making allows you to stay present and see something of immense beauty.

    Spiritual Sex Connects Us Back With Our Center

    Sexual energy is the bridge back to our Source; it is our connection back to the Life force. The physical, emotional and mental benefits of a healthy sex life are well documented and cannot be denied. Anyone who tries to make you feel ashamed about sex is an enemy of your spiritual growth.

    I’ve come across so many couples who feel as though something is missing in their sex lives making it seem boring and aimless. We need to bring back our spiritual lives into our sexual lives and enjoy a loving communion with not only our partners, but with existence itself.

    Sex that remains purely sex becomes a distraction and ultimately stagnates your spiritual growth. But when sex becomes an opportunity to return to the Source and becomes a doorway of transformation to higher states of awareness – it gains a whole new purpose.

    In future articles I plan to explore the exhilarating but taboo world of ancient sexual practices. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your experiences with sex. How has lovemaking helped you on your spiritual path, and do you have any tips? Please share below.

    What is Spiritual Sex?
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    About Mateo

    Mateo is a spiritual counselor, bibliophile, entrepreneur, and co-founder of one of the most influential and widely read spiritual websites on the internet. Born into a family with a history of drug addiction and mental illness, he was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. His mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in all stages of life. [Read More]

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    Reader Interactions

    (112) Comments

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    1. Spiritual?

      July 01, 2022 at 11:12 am

      I’ve had sex many times over the years. But I recently reconnected after 7 years with an old lover. It felt spiritual. It felt like we had exchanged something at the spiritual level during the act. In all the years that I have been sexually active I’ve have never felt this before. I don’t really know what to think.

      Reply
    2. Samina

      November 07, 2021 at 3:19 pm

      A spiritual awakening lesson , a guideline to sex knowledge ,what I lack in.

      Reply
    3. Michael

      October 07, 2021 at 7:50 am

      Aren’t you curious to know if this experience can be had with more than one person? Doesn’t that kind of transcendental oneness cross egos? I think blank statements as `sex should be between two people ‘, diminish our curiosity. On what basis do you make such a statement?

      Reply
      • Michael

        October 07, 2021 at 7:52 am

        @Joel

        Reply
    4. Walt

      August 01, 2021 at 11:35 pm

      Hello my name is Walt Masters I am looking for assistance with discussion my metaphysical spiritual awakening and then the ongoing chatter on me getting back together after my awakening that I was dating many years ago would be returning from my past and start and another relationship and I have been randomly sendin email to know response and about 2 weeks she told her Facebook page she was recently engaged and then she emailed at 1am and Scorpio said she is engaged to another person

      My intuition and Pendellum are saying no she is still coming back after I go through my healing so looks for a mentor or twin flames, soulmates and or anything else. I feel her in my energy and talk with her higher self said about,2.5 years ago she wasn’t ready yet…

      Reply
    5. Shanto

      June 15, 2021 at 1:58 am

      Spiritual sex is good for feature life.death persons with sex interaction and experience in real life possibilities. Features teleportation,holographic projection used body mind experiments useful feature technology used possibilities in our real life.i think 6G technology possible for BCI(brain computer interface used

      Reply
    6. Lex, Just Lex

      May 24, 2021 at 8:20 am

      Hmm hmm hmm… ;) Practice is key. Everything else is an excuse. Good luck

      Reply
    7. Lee and Petunia

      March 28, 2021 at 8:08 pm

      I make passionate love to a cartoon character and have been doing so for nearly 9 years. I can only describe it as magical, mystical and spiritual.

      Reply
    8. Ruth peel

      March 25, 2021 at 11:34 pm

      I have always been drawn to native. Aug 2020 I ment a man, Native. my soulmate. I fell in love the day we crossed paths. He is Cherokee. I am Mohawk. At 59 I made love for the first x. It blew my mind, I could smell him. feel him and it was the first x I enjoyed giving a man pleasure. He couldn’t walk for 9 days. He say me on a journey 3 yrs ago. I have cried everyday, I worked through childhood trauma, 2 bad marriages(28) yrs. After 20 yrs my cycle has returned, I have been told I will have a son. Is it possible my dreams could come true.

      Reply
    9. L

      January 19, 2021 at 6:59 am

      I do not know why, but a lot of weird stuff has been happening in my dreams the past couple of years. It’s a bit embarrassing to discuss, so reading this was so interesting!!!

      Reply
    10. Joel

      November 07, 2020 at 7:08 am

      You don’t need religion to have morals, if you can’t determine right from wrong, you lack empathy not religion. Sex is sacred, there is no causal in sex it is pair bonding! People have this playboy fantasy, where they think they can have as much sex as they want and No one gets hurt well that doesn’t work in the real world! In all common sense sex should be for 2 people only!, it requires simply morals! self love and self respect.. It’s not a religious concept it’s about what is right from wrong.. Also you devolope soul ties with people which can be toxic!
      “Sexual immorality is an impure act.” common sense not religious!!

      Reply
      • Mateo Sol

        November 07, 2020 at 7:21 am

        Thanks for sharing Joel, I don’t agree that morals play any part in sex, this is where it starts getting religious. Seeing sex as sacred and somehow other parts of as unsacred like our enjoyment of pleasure brings with it all kinds of issues. Everything is sacred. I agree though that it can lead to many issues if we aren’t discerning with who we choose to share this experience with, or if we treat it like some ‘fun’ pleasure only task to pursue and get addicted to. There’s no dogma here of ‘sex should be for only two people’, these sound like religious ideals that nature itself all around us is showing us that’s not true in every case, only some creatures are monogamous.

        I personally see spiritual sex as a path to explore and have only explored with my partner, yet I’m not going to condemn others if they are in their own journeys and have a different path. I can only bring awareness to the pitfalls that can arise, and encourage them to be mindful of that. This type of thinking is less black and white than the moralistic way, but it’s closer to the truth that the world isn’t as clear cut as we like to make it, and there’s many shades of gray and many paths up the same mountain.

        Reply
        • Joel

          November 07, 2020 at 9:49 am

          Morals have a lot more to do with it then you think. You are just basing it on your own level of mentality and values & beliefs.

          Reply
          • Julia

            September 14, 2021 at 4:16 am

            Very esoteric, good on you

            Reply
        • Sadhana

          November 18, 2020 at 11:38 am

          yes, everything is sacred and I am grateful for the grey areas, keeps me curious and adventurous.

          Reply
        • Anni

          May 08, 2021 at 4:00 am

          Well said, the tantric spiritual sex is sacred and uplifting, for 2 souls to connect on a deeper level then just the wham bang thank u mam. I myself have experience a blast of energy with my partner as of i left my body and the love that was shared, the energy and emotions was and connection goes far beyond the word or the act of sex. This is sacred, dont worry abt the trolls and their comments.. pls read this woth mindfulness Joel.

          Reply
      • Julia

        September 14, 2021 at 4:17 am

        Soul connection, no need for cord cutting

        Reply
      • Jayden

        December 29, 2021 at 11:36 am

        Joel I agree with you,!!!!! people here are just trying to Justify their own guilt and go by confirmation bias.
        Studies have proven Polygamy does in fact affect Both women and children’s mental health, Multiple research studies have revealed that societies that are polygamous have higher rates of violent crime, it has no equality the man has little time for each woman making it fragmentary and not satisfactory in any means. sexual jealousy is inevitable
        It causes competition in other men looking for love and it makes men violent. Violence competition and jealousy among the wives.
        The arguments supporting Polygamy are hilarious and have no grounds. Fatherly instincts are natural but happens only in a monogamous relationship so monogamy is natural. We all sleep around at some point but only desire one partner for a long term relationship at some point!! Even in Polly relationships they have a favourite wife! we fall in love and can’t place anyone else above that person they are like a diamond that shines brighter then the rest, so you might as well say love itself on a romantic level is monogamous in its own way!! Sex should be taken seriously because of the affects it does to the mental and emotional body! We release hormones that cause Pair bondings!! To take sex seriously then you can bond with the right partner for the long term. Jordan Peterson professor of psychology is maybe the best person to listen to on the arguments against Polygamy teaching men the right way.
        Spiritual sex is still pair bonding and in my opinion should still be with a partner, but each to their own!! To suggest sex has no morlas and that it’s a religious concept that’s taking it too far. I’m in no way religious but I find this irresponsible!!! And so called spiritual people teaching to embrace sexual pleasure to separate from the ego mind is not a spiritual concept, how is it? When Polygamy is 100% in fact selfish only self satisfactory, serving self and not considering others emotions and equality!! especially children !! Even The Buddha was said to overcome his sexual desire. Buddhism Appearently teaches that sensual enjoyment and desire in general, and sexual pleasure in particular, are hindrances to enlightenment!!!!

        Reply
        • Mateo Sol

          December 29, 2021 at 1:06 pm

          Thank you Jayden for sharing your views. I don’t know why there’s such a focus on polygamy, this article primarily discusses sex as a valid exercise in the pursuit of spiritual states of experience.

          “Buddhism” is a very broad term for a variety of nuanced paths. For example, Vajrayana Buddhism, also known as Tantric Buddhism is the pioneer in approaching sexuality and pleasure as a valid path.

          There’s the opposing path, the denial of the sensual or yogic approach, which may be what you’re thinking about. This is what they call the right and left-handed paths, but both equally valid.

          Reply
    11. Avantika Singh

      July 11, 2020 at 4:05 pm

      Hello sir ,,I am a teenager about 18 I have a partner from whom I m in a relationship of about 6 months and we are in a deep connection as it one we both as soulmates, and now we want to intimate but I am so scared of it regarding my age ,,and also it is said that before achieving your goals it is like sin to intimate ,so I want to know is this would be correct to get intimated or I should wait for it?? Sir plz solve my problem I m so much confused and tensed…
      Also I am so much influenced and loved ur article…

      Reply
    12. Rene

      May 12, 2020 at 6:41 am

      Now I am confused with your interesting article.I am a 70y/o man with no sexual partner.So I practice self sex.Being an x-catholic,I dealt a lot with sexual shame and guilt feelings.At the beginning of the article you made me feel good about what I was doing and at the end you said that sex for the sake of sex will be an obstacle for the spiritual growth.

      Reply
      • Mateo Sol

        May 13, 2020 at 11:38 am

        Thank you Rene for sharing and for your question.

        There’s two sides to your question; 1) The shaming of sexuality by religion and 2) The attachment to sex itself.

        I’m happy you feel good about exploring your sexuality, you should, it helps overcome any shame involved in religious conditioning. This leads to feeling more psychological balanced and less inhibited or shamed.

        The statement of sex for the sake of sex is more to do with the ‘spiritual’ aspect of sex which is what the article covers. It’s one thing to want to overcome our sexual repressions, it’s another thing to want to use sexuality as a doorway to a spiritual experience. When we get obsessed with sex and see it as the source of pleasure in our life, we’re fixated on the sex act itself, not on using it as a vehicle to the goal that is feeling that state of spiritual boundlessness, having a taste of feeling unity and oneness.

        I hope that clarifies the dual nature of sex when used as a way of overcoming repression instead of as a doorway to something beyond it.

        Reply
        • Greg

          August 20, 2020 at 6:31 am

          Have u perhaps considered the idea that this spiritual guru is full of it.

          Reply
    13. Privie

      April 16, 2020 at 5:43 am

      Hi, thank you for such an enlightening topic that no one really wants to talk about.

      I came out of a very abusive marriage 3 years ago and I remained celibate until last year when I met a guy a little bit younger than me, there was just this intense connection that I couldn’t understand though we just spoke and went our separate ways and met up again two weeks later, the connection between us was much stronger, we were so drawn to each other as if we new each other for a very long time. Not much words was spoken but there was just an intense energy pulling us together and all it took was for him to hold my hands and there was an explosion of feelings physically and spiritually. This experience was so intense and painful at the same time. We went our separate ways again as I live in another country but we kept in contact via messages and every time we spoke, our sexual energies connected so intensely like a shock of electricity but then when we were not in contact, I started to falling into some sort of depression, I couldn’t eat, I just slept all day long and he felt the same way on the other side so I decided to stop all the communications with him because I felt like I was losing myself as I couldn’t understand what was happening to us. It took a long while to get over it until I met someone I became friends with and naturally enjoyed his company with no sexual attraction to him. I didn’t see him as attractive and I felt nothing for him but as we spent more time together, I warmed up to him steadily until I was ready to be intimate with him. We became lovers and all seemed normal until I started feeling my body calling out to him when he was not around as sometimes he traveled for weeks. I would just think of him or just miss him and I would feel a tingle just below my belly button like a tiny shock. We both started experiencing this when we were apart when we thought of each other, the sexual energy became very intense each time physically and spiritually. The line between physical and spiritual sex became very blurry. I could easily wake up in the middle of the night with my body calling out to him and he would feel the energy from a different location.

      From reading all your articles, I am beginning to understand some things but I am still confused by what happened to me and my first connection because we never had anything physical except holding hands that set things off. What do you call this?

      Reply
      • Louise Fearn

        May 12, 2020 at 8:40 am

        Privie the extreme intensity of your first connection sounds like a twin flame connection that he is the other half of your soul. Yes they do exist because I have a twin flame who is my spirit guide. Not even death can keep twin flames apart. It’s the most powerful sexual connection there is and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are in depression then that’s your soul calling on you to do the shadow work and release the blocks and emotional wounds that can keep you apart. Many twin flames find the connection to their other self so painful that they may go into separation from their twin and seek other soul mates and partners in the end but something will always pull you back to your twin if not in this world then in the next. The bond is in breakable because you are one soul split into two beings, one is masculine and one feminine. Not everyone incarnates as a twin flame but many spiritually evolved people do in order to learn about unconditional love. Please if you are struggling, read up on twin flames and google Cassidy cane who is a twin flame therapist who has some great free Audio meditations and articles that can really help you come to terms and understand what you’re going through. Hope this helps, much love, Louise ☀️☀️☀️

        Reply
        • Ellie

          March 14, 2021 at 3:46 am

          Hi Louise
          My twin is also in spirit watching over me, death does not stop the connection and love I agree xx

          Reply
    14. Mystery Man

      April 07, 2020 at 9:10 pm

      If you want great sex be intimate outside the bedroom on a spiritual mental and pysicial level make sure there is no judgement so there is freedom that wil lead to growths very deep and intense and bring that intimacy inside the bedroom now focus on arousing each other very intensely build up as much sexual tension and use positions thats stimulate your partner the best so they have the most pleasure and satisfaction. (!ONLY FOR MARRIED COUPLES!) God bless

      Reply
    15. Gina Weydahl

      April 05, 2020 at 3:53 pm

      I just wished someone will write about that we all are sexual beeings. After years in a dangerous relationship I went to a psycologist and went through some healing to do with crossing a line sexually in taht bad relationship, I gor help with that and I am free. The devasting thing was when I ( a bit shy) was starting to see myself as a sexual beeing , that was a miracle. I am not young so the opening was so unexpected and filled me with joy, I talked to the therapist , opened up for innside ang tehn he said : But, ……. ( my name ) sex is about two people. Since then it was impossibel to start to see again. The hurt was and chame was devastating. So many times all this talk of the great sex between couples make me even more sad. The psycologist took away from me something that I never expected I woud start to see.

      Reply
      • Louise Fearn

        May 12, 2020 at 8:48 am

        Gina, no sex is not just about two people. Sex is about each being coming into union with them self as well as with another. Practicing self sex is incredibly healing and I’ve been doing it for years. It puts you in better touch with yourself and your body and allows you to enjoy sensuality in a way that builds confidence without giving away your sacredness unless or until you’re ready. Please don’t allow anyone else’s perception of sex cloud or affect how you interact with yourself or another. Self sex is extremely healthy and totally natural. I would definitely speak to a different therapist and dump this one as they don’t understand your needs and circumstances. Much love, Louise ☀️

        Reply
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