What if instead of an obstacle, sex was a pathway toward a spiritual life?
Those of us who have been raised with religious backgrounds have often been taught that sexuality and spirituality are opposing forces, that you cannot be virtuous if you have sex because sex is a “sin” or is “unspiritual.”
Prior to dogmatic ideologies, sexuality was respected for thousands of years as a sacred expression of nature’s life force and the mystery of creation. Although I’ve written about the value of Sexual Transmutation, or sexual abstinence in the past, I want to make it very clear in this article that sex can also work as a catalyst for cultivating spiritual well-being.
To lead a spiritual life you need to embrace and respect your sexuality just as much as any other part of your nature. Although sex has been linked to many dirty and “perverse” ideas, the act of lovemaking can truly be something sacred and profound.
How to Deal With Sexual Guilt and Shame
Sexuality is a taboo topic in our society because it is one of those primal forces which we consciously or unconsciously feel powerless to control. Deep down, we sense that it is connected to that unknown universal source of energy from which we came from and continue to exist within.
The feeling of shame is one of the biggest obstacles most of us face in learning to embrace our sexuality. In a culture that has infected us with the notions of virtue and shame; where a murder scene on television is more “viewer-friendly” than a lovemaking one; where women were once thought of as incapable of experiencing an orgasm, it becomes apparent how difficult it is to openly accept and acknowledge this life force that exists within us.
Shame is an emotion that we’re taught by our families and communities. Since a very young age we’re taught what we “should and shouldn’t feel bad about,” and as a result of this we develop the capacity to experience guilt. Through guilt we begin rejecting sacred aspects of ourselves and repressing them deep into our Shadow Selves; our sexual desires, quirks, attractions and fantasies.
I’ve even seen some people deny their sexuality, dismissing it as a “lower physical instinct/vibration” or claiming to “rise above it” as if there is a division between “lower” physical cravings and “higher” spiritual functions when we are seeking wholeness. Sex forms the base notes of your Spirit’s musical melody.
Of course, you are more than solely a sexual being: your sexuality doesn’t define you, but it is a part of you. But it’s by denying it as a part of you that you create blockages of energy within your body that perpetuates the fragmentation of your soul, keeping you incomplete and restricted instead of expanded and whole.
Ironically, it is the sexual orgasm that gives us a taste of soulful expansion, of transcending our limited selves, and feeling boundless for the first time in our entire lives (if only a momentary glimpse).
Spiritual Sex: 3 Types of Divine Union
Many of us haven’t been taught that sex is actually a powerful tool of transcendental development. In fact, spiritual sex is the quickest and easiest way to have something resembling a mystical experience.
The powerful thing about sexual energy is that it’s one of the few instincts within us that can rarely be completely “civilized.” If you are tired at home from work and a friend offers you to go out to watch a movie you may pass on the offer. But if you were to meet an attractive person instead who was to make him/herself available to you, it would arouse a deep energy within you that you weren’t aware existed.
Any type of ecstatic experience – like sex – is an ideal starting point to begin cultivating spiritual moments of “no-mind” and bringing them naturally into our daily lives. In my experience, there are three main types of sex that you can benefit from:
1. The Alert Union
Most first time sexual experiences with partners fall into this type of union. When we make ourselves vulnerable, intimate, exposed and “work” toward that mutual pleasurable moment of bliss, our conscious awareness becomes heightened by the novelty of exploring the other person’s body.
This union is not so much a mindful awareness but an alert awareness that instinctively takes over. Our feelings of vulnerability and excitement make our natural adrenaline mechanism stimulate alertness making the experience much more primal than spiritual. This type of sex is very addictive as the novelty of pursuing new sexual partners rewards us with that momentary “god-like” state of consciousness.
2. The Conscious Union
It’s typical however that as our sense of vulnerability and stimulation weakens so too does our desire for the first type of love-making (The Alert Union).
In The Conscious Union, we learn how to cultivate a more balanced form of spiritual sex, one that creates harmony between the passionate animal and sensually playful side of our sexuality. In The Conscious Union we listen to our sexual desires, explore our bodies and those of our lovers, build deeper intimacy through eye-gazing, sensually caress, and follow our deepest forms of sexual expression. These often generate intense feelings of union and love that briefly take us beyond our sense of self.
It is through this practice of conscious union that we can reach the next stage of soulful union.
3. The Soulful Union
There’s a beautiful term in the Sanskrit Tantric scriptures known as “Maithuna” which literally translates to “sexual union.” Maithuna is one of Tantra’s most important teachings as it makes use of conscious “sexual intensity” as a ladder that ascends to greater heights of intensity, focusing upon the illumination of the soul rather than solely on physical sexual pleasure.
The sexual urge derives its strength from the body and our emotions, and by itself is not powerful enough to lift us to new levels of conscious awareness. It is Tantric sex that helps us to experience a true sexual Soulful Union by helping us to embody our Soul. This type of sex can only be described as a feeling of boundless pure bliss, warmth and identity-merging (or ego death) especially during orgasm.
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If you would like to experience Soulful Union via spiritual sex, here are some recommendations:
- Stay celibate for as long as you can. This will increase your sexual energy so that you can learn to channel it. You may feel a tingling sensation in your lower back, this is your kundalini energy which assists in the experience of Unity.
- Set aside time to dedicate only to your partner. Create a sensual space with candles, soft ethnic music, silken robes, aphrodisiac fragrances, and so forth.
- Sit in front of each other and lightly move your hands over your partner’s body (to awaken their nerves). Allow your soft strokes to tingle through their body, but don’t allow your hands to pass over their erogenous zones (nipples, penis, etc.), only near them. Prolong this state of arousal for as long as desired.
- Sit in each other’s lap (called the “yab-yum” position) and breathe each other’s breath. This allows both of you to consciously harmonize with each other.
- Maintain eye-contact throughout intercourse. Witnessing the act of love-making allows you to stay present and see something of immense beauty.
Spiritual Sex Connects Us Back With Our Center
Sexual energy is the bridge back to our Source; it is our connection back to the Life force. The physical, emotional and mental benefits of a healthy sex life are well documented and cannot be denied. Anyone who tries to make you feel ashamed about sex is an enemy of your spiritual growth.
I’ve come across so many couples who feel as though something is missing in their sex lives making it seem boring and aimless. We need to bring back our spiritual lives into our sexual lives and enjoy a loving communion with not only our partners, but with existence itself.
Sex that remains purely sex becomes a distraction and ultimately stagnates your spiritual growth. But when sex becomes an opportunity to return to the Source and becomes a doorway of transformation to higher states of awareness – it gains a whole new purpose.
In future articles I plan to explore the exhilarating but taboo world of ancient sexual practices. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your experiences with sex. How has lovemaking helped you on your spiritual path, and do you have any tips? Please share below.
it is a very fantastic topic that has more changed my feelings,,
before I used to take sex as the way of removing stress and heavy feelings but absolutely not!!!
most impressed with website – a question – why, no matter what, do we crave as humans the urge to be inside someone or have them inside us…….it’s primal
Fantastic articles on so many spiritual matters, thank you! There are a lot of men and women who have not been in a relationship for many years, even 10 or 20 plus years. And single people. How do we activate dormant unused sexual energy, especially if feels non existent after such a long time of disuse? As we are on our own and have no partner to arouse the sexual energy for creativity or spiritual expansion? Thank you so much in advance, I look forward to any feedback, many blessings!
Thank you Berni. Sexual energy doesn’t require a partner to be awoken, it can be done by yourself. I also find other physically sensual activities like dancing seem to bring that energy out, as well as some types of kundalini centered messages.
Thanks a million for your reply, sounds good will get my dancing shoes on I understand a bit about Kundalini but what does Kundalini ‘messages’ mean? Thanks so much
My pleasure. I’m afraid that was a typo, it’s ‘massages’. There’s some massages that aim at awakening your kundalini energy, as well as some types of kundalini yoga or if you’re game, tantric teachings of self-pleasure or with a guiding partner.
If you can’t do it with living people, do it with spirits. There’s no shame in it.
Very interesting to combine tantra yab yum position with psychedelic substances, as MDMA or 2C-B.
Takes me to places totally new and deep.
Thank you for your insightful articles. I’ve been married for several years. My wife has lost all interest in sex. I still love her and am committed to her. I have been working to find a path of peace without sex and have had some very powerful experiences as well as challenges. Usually if I can go 5 days or more without orgasm, I begin to experience elevated states of consciousness and it feels like they will only become more intense, but then I keep running into the same block. My testicles become swollen and painful, often to the point of difficulty walking. The pain is only relieved by orgasm. I’ve been using Mantak Chia’s exercises, but this only makes things worse. I am writing to see if you have any advice on how I can travel further into exploring this sexual energy without releasing my semen. Thank you for the work you do.
Try Kriya Yoga… The issue here is because your accumulated sexual energy is not moving up. Hence your lower region of your physical body unable to content that vast amount of energy.
You can check out “Inner Engineering” where they teach Shambhavi Mahamudra – an ancient Kriya method to align your body, emotions, mind and life energies.
I get this too, it’s medical name is called epididymal hypertension.
Love is the power of human beings, it can give life and also can give you death..
Part three is really arousing!
I do have a question, is it possible for any same sex couples to have a soulful union? I understand that there is vulnerability within the act, but the majority of looking into spiritual sex only explains about the heterosexual union and that it is the only way possible. I’m a bit confused
There would still be a masculine and feminine polarity between the partners, where usually one is the “male” energy and the other the “female”. With the combining of these two energies between partners, is that any less spiritual than a hetersexual union? The anatomical union is different, but the energies are virtually the same.
I was thinking of David Deida’s books as I wrote this.
I have read many of your articles. This article is one that I was definitely looking for. My husband and I (Married 30 years) seem to stay in a state of what we call ethral/soul awareness during sex. He and I have known each other for 37 years. We also believe that our souls have known each other throughout past lives. By reconnecting this way we feel we regenerate our souls. Yes we can actually feel and see an almost golden hue when we are together. By being in this state, it is like floating in space and time has no meaning. We just thought this was a natural state everyone has. Until someone has truly experienced this state of intimacy, then it is really hard to describe the level of euphoria and saddness that this brings. Thank you for your article.
My husband of 11 years has always had a very low sex drive. He does not believe in spirit and is not self-aware. Now I think he may be asexual. Early in the marriage I was ok with all of this because of all the other great compatability we had. Over the years we have had difficulties I think fuelled in part by my own spiritual growth and my increasing frustration with unmet desire to engage in sacred sex with him. I have always had a strong sacred sex drive so while I repressed it all these years, I feel that I can’t do that anymore. How does one address such imbalances in sexual energy in a couple? Do I release this man and father to allow for a more conscious connection and sacred sex to enter my life (or not) or do I allow a sacred sex connection outside of marriage? Gratitude for your help here.
I am in exactly the same situation, Sher, but my husband is probably either a cerebral narcissist or has asperger’s. It is very sad. At this point, I am my best, and my only, lover.
I can fully relate to your situations, both Sher and Parsely. It’s been 4 years since my hubby and I have been intimate, and probably as much time before that since he’s made an effort to please me. Before we were married I told him that without the emotional bond that comes with sex, I’d rather do myself. He agreed…like with many other things we talked about before tying the knot, he was just saying what I wanted to hear. The first year was fun because I was still at my sexual peak and I believe I was very much in love, but still I did most of the work, including initiation. As time went on I started becoming bored with being humped and was beginning perimenopause so had unpleasant physical changes. I tried to explain to him that it would take more work to get me “ready” but he told me he has no interest in foreplay. He would giggle like a girl when I attempted passionate kissing or eye contact. So much for spiritual sex. At this point in my life I feel that the only purpose I serve in his life is to make his life easier, as his live in maid. As difficult as it is to move on, I feel it is probably best so I can dedicate myself to my own spiritual healing.
I am in the opposite end of life. Single, but highly spiritual and my sexuality is geared towards sacred sexuality. As I’ve always been connected to other dimensions and dimensional states of being. I have come to develope a technique of moving my awareness into the astral plane while masturbating and thus have astral sex with a soul mate, or friend of my soul if you will. And was wondering if this could be of benefit for you guys? Both you and your partner simultaneously exist here in physical form, but also in other dimensions. Which means that if you’d like you could connect with a higher dimensional expression of your partner either during solo play or love making.
A simple visualization of moving one’s awareness into the astral realm is to imagine your consciousness flow up your body on a wave of sexual energy. Imagine that you move your consciousness from one chakra to the next with the help of your sexual energy. You’ll feel the energy raise, and it might take some practise to move through all your energy centres, and into the chakra commonly reffered to as your soul star, which is located about a foot above your crown. This star, or chakra is your personal portal to the spiritual planes of existence, the astral plane included.
On the other hand,i’d like to say, everything has it’s season, and the fact is that this present relationship you’re in is just a season. How far that season stretches, whether an entire lifetime or not, doesn’t change the fact that at some point you will reincarnate anew, and likely chose another partner.
With this is mind, it’s up to you to consciously choose whether this relationship has had it’s season, or if there’s still mutual benefit and growth to be had together. Good luck, sisters!
I’m reading this almost 2 years after you posted it. That being said, I really hope you got out of your marriage it sounded to me like he was a text book narcissist thru and thru. As an empath I have almost a hatred for those people. I have always been the one to give as much help as I could and as an empath there is a never ending line of friends and absolute strangers waiting. Narcissists give nothing back or in return so neither do I. I do give second and tenth chances because they can change but it is extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY rare for them to even see what they’re doing as wrong let alone hurt/harm full. That leaves escape from those relationships your only salvation.
I’m sorry for putting my 2 cents in but I couldn’t stop myself. I know how hard it is to keep my married sex life interesting ( in 3 months we will be celebrating our 16th anniversary) let alone spiritually orgasmic. Alas that is why I’m here. Reading everything I can find simultaneously questioning other parts of our relationship with my fingers crossed.
Again, I hope you made a change and now have exactly what you needed back then and deserve every day. Blessings!
Hola Sol, es la primera vez que leo un artículo tuyo. Me animé a comentar después de leer varios comentarios. Quería preguntarte que opinas del sexo casual y la energía sexual. Tengo 22 años y estoy soltera. Tengo momentos de deseo sexual cuando estoy a punto de menstruar o durante mi periodo, después de eso no. He tenido sexo casual muchas veces se podría decir que mi primera relación sexual también fue casual de alguna forma. Pero siempre note que al finalizar el encuentro me sentía extraña conmigo misma o mejor dicho no sentía nada, tal vez hasta un vacío. A todo esto también quiero mencionarte que jamás he tenido un orgasmo. He estado cerca a tenerlo pero sentía que me iba a dar un paro cardíaco o algo parecido jaja y me daba miedo. Me gustaría mucho que me dieras tu opinión acerca de los encuentros casuales con desconocidos. Y también quisiera saber cómo tener encuentros casuales pero que sean significativos, como puedo elegir a alguien que me vaya a transmitir una buena energía. Espero no haberme liado. Y también que puedo hacer sobre el tema de orgasmo. Gracias, un abrazo y bendiciones!
This is a very and upsetting & misunderstood area of my life. My sexuality is almost non-existant. And not for lack of a partner. I am married.
I feel very alienated by my body for it not needing, wanting or craving sex. It does not make sense to my mind because of the world I live in. This world is obsessed with sex and me…i couldn’t care less.
It worries me because I cannot figure out if it’s unhealthy or not.
What I’am obsessed with is finding the reason behind this issue and wanting to know if this is effecting me on a spiritual level and if so, in what way?
I can understand your concern Mosaic. Have you ever contemplated the possibility of asexuality? https://lonerwolf.com/asexuality-test/
Our sexual energy can be linked to energy blockages within your body but first you must determine if its blocked, or it was never there to begin with.
Yes. I had no idea about Asexuality til a few years ago. I was being harassed by my partner at the time to figure out “what was wrong with me”. I have struggled for years to accept myself in this area, mainly because I didn’t know why I was so different than everyone else. People have told me it could be medicines I was on or could have been from a few bad things that happened to me growing up (although I have forgave and forgotten those things).
I took the Asexuality test and got 84%.
If this is who I’am then I accept that. But my life will never be easy in this area since I have a normal sexually functioning spouse.
Well…Maybe you could make your relationship with that person you love an opened marriage, in which you would allow him or her to have sex with someone else (that you previously met). This way, your loved one could satisfy his or her sexual needs and still be happily married to you.
For the first time in our life, my wife and I experienced sex with another girl as a trio. The feeling was so intense that our heads were spinning! I feel like a euphoric overdose of lust was injected into our souls. I don’t exactly know how to channel this crazy energy…it’s like a drug….you always want more. After the experience we both realized that I’m highly sensitive to ‘intense emotional’ experiences such as this. I am now exploring ways to channel this energy into productive means at work so that they’re not a constant distraction. The articles you wrote were a good basis to start.
You’re a fortunate man to have such an open minded partner, I’m sure you’ll find some outlet of that surge of energy :)
Just curious… is yub yum positions still recommended with same gender soulful unions?
It’s the most intimate I’ve found out of the Tantric positions but I each couple will favor a different ones.
Hi Sol, great article! I have had conscious sex before, with my ex (whom I have mentioned before in some other comments) who I loved with all my heart. I don’t exactly know what happened, but twice during our love making, when I orgasm-ed, I cried after! It was like, I was so full of happiness and love that my body couldn’t contain it and I had to cry to release this energy. My bf was concerned and asked why I was crying but I didn’t really know why and just said it was because I was so happy.
Do you have any thoughts on that? I haven’t cried or felt that good with anyone since, so I know it had to do with loving him.
Thank you!
Thank you Sol for another amazing Article. I am a very sexual creature and my partner is too. We stand firm in both our female and male energies, and that plays out in our lovemaking. I wanted to share that I have had two experience which I felt were either mystical or spiritual sex encounters. The first one is when my Male partner and I were climaxing and we both saw a white light flash before our minds eye, our eyes were closed and we both remember feeling that light, I would like to know what that could be. Then during another session, I felt as if I was traveling through different dimensions and spaces. The movie Lucy when she travels back in time to when humans were apes, is the same experience I had. Sol, could you explain what that could have been. Thank You!
Hola J,
You’re fortunate to have found a partner to share such powerful experiences with.
The white flashing light sounds like a surge of energy flowing up to your highest chakra, it is the aim experience of spiritual sex.
The second experience resembles similar visions by some of our shamanic students, it occurs as the walls of our individual ego break down (through the act of love making in your case), our consciousness becomes more fluid to tap into the collective soul or spirit, allowing you to encounter alternate realities.
Continue your explorations my friend :).
Hi there, It has been hard to find a place to share my experiences in this area with people who may have some insight to contribute. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
The second night my ex and I had sex – after it was all finished – we simply held each other. The embrace got stronger and stronger, our bodies shook and convulsed more and more intensely, we pulled our hearts tighter and tighter to one another, it was like we were becoming one. Like we could feel each other in a non-physical way. Like our souls were re/connecting. We could feel each others emotions. It was an awakening in the sense that from that moment on, it caused us both to re-evaluate everything we thought we knew about the physical world to include for a spiritual element.
From that night on our experience of the world has changed. We could be sitting in our cars over 1000km apart and have similar convulsions to that night. I had what i can only describe as a full body orgasm without ejaculation once while driving and many times since when we have either been thinking of each other, on the phone to each other or just sitting side by side even in the company of others. At other times we have done this consciously and had sex (what i can only assume is telepathically) remotely .
At times, we have had to separate ourselves in front of others as these convulsions begin to happen and we start to become aroused. No one would understand. We don’t even understand but we cannot deny what happens when we are together and even apart at times. There was even one occasion when we were together that she was brought to orgasm simply as i moved my hand up and down her body without ever actually touching her or saying a word.
It’s like when making love to each other we can see each other like it’s the first time we’ve been together in ages (life times perhaps). We would often find ourselves drawn to place our hand on the others heart just because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do just as saying “hi” after orgasm would feel like the right thing to do. I found that being together was the most profound experience of my life.
I understand this forum is not here for advice per say so i won’t go into what has happened between us since. I would greatly appreciate any insight into what i have written thus far. Perhaps your insight may help me to better understand what we experienced, what else is going on now and how to move forward with it.
Many thanks.