Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing but what is true.
– Unmani
Death is a word that we humans usually associate with darkness, mourning, decay, and general creepiness.
We spend our entire lives running away from, avoiding, and denying the fact that we will someday physically die.
However, the death that I’m talking about in this article isn’t the typical kind of death we fear.
The death I’ll be referring to is the most beautiful, illuminating, awe-inspiring, expansive, enlightening, and paradigm-shattering experience you could ever go through.
This experience is known as “ego death,” and for every serious spiritual seeker, it is a pivotal part of the spiritual awakening journey.
What is the Ego?
In order to understand what ego death is, we must first understand what the ego is.
As I explored in my article “What is the Ego?” the ego is basically our sense of self or our identity.
The ego is a biological and spiritual tool that defends the belief that we are all separate “individual” entities.
As a result of believing that we are separate and isolated in this life, we suffer immensely.
The Ego and Duality
The ego – our sense of self – perceives life through the lens of duality.
Duality is the opposite of reality – it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong, and holy/sinful.
When we divide life, we suffer.
The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people.
Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we slice it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.
As a result of our feelings of being separate from the Whole (which gives birth to duality), we also begin to reject ourselves.
Any thought, feeling, sensation, experience, or belief we have that is judged to be “bad,” “unacceptable” or “wrong” we suppress, avoid, and deny.
As a result of this repression, we fuel our Shadow Selves which become more twisted and monstrous the longer we keep them buried under shame.
Living through the ego can be observed in our world very clearly.
The depression, anxiety, mental illness, murder, hatred, greed, poverty, war, and environmental destruction we experience is all a reflection of our internal suffering. It is a loss of Soul.
And why do we suffer?
We suffer because of the separate self we carry (i.e., the ego) that believes it’s a little isolated speck cut off from existence.
What is Ego Death?
I’ve used the term “ego death” in this article because it’s the most popular phrase out there used for such an experience.
But the truth is that the ego can never really “die”; instead, it can be made conscious so that it’s no longer running our lives.
So how can we define “ego death”?
Ego death is the experience of temporarily transcending the ego, self, or personal identity.
This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful, and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have.
Why?
Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.
However, while the experience of ego death is indescribably beautiful, it can also be indescribably horrific for those who are not aware of the spiritual path, and for those who resist the actual experience.
Those who report ego death generally fall into two groups: those who found the experience illuminating, and those who found the experience tormenting.
I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror – and let me tell you, it can turn your life upside down and inside out. (Whether that is a good thing is up to you decide!)
Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss
If you’re familiar with the psychonaut community (a collection of people who use psychedelic substances to access higher states of being), you would have heard of many “ego death” experiences.
Why? The answer is that shamanic plants such as ayahuasca, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms are powerful gateways to the Divine experience.
Psychedelic explorers Dennis and Terence McKenna (who referred to themselves as the “Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss”) often mentioned the state of pure awe and also terror experienced in the face of ego death.
However, as Terence McKenna once said, the abyss must be approached with courage, because only then can you discover that the fear is an illusion:
Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.
Ego death can feel scary because it is the ultimate threat to the ego: to die. To cease to exist, even for just a minute.
The ego creates intense fear as a defense mechanism to try and hold onto a sense of control and power.
However, to progress on our spiritual paths, we must understand the role of this fear, be mindful of it, and not permit it to limit us.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about the spiritual awakening? In our book The Spiritual Awakening Process, we give more in-depth guidance:
7 Stages of Ego Death
Ego death happens in stages, and if courageously pursued, eventually results in the experience of Self-Realization, Nirvana, Oneness, spiritual ascension, or Enlightenment.
While ego death is not formulaic or necessarily predictable, it does tend to follow a pattern:
Stage 1 — Spiritual Awakening
In the first stage of ego death, we begin to “wake up” to life.
Our process of spiritual awakening might be triggered by an existential crisis, a tragedy, a chronic illness, or simply the natural process of soulful maturing.
When we experience a spiritual awakening, we begin to search for more depth in life. Often, we ask big questions such as “what is my purpose?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “what happens after death?”
Spiritual awakenings are triggered by the sensation that something profound is missing in life and they’re accompanied by feelings of depression and anxiety.
Read more: You can learn more about the spiritual awakening process in our book »
Stage 2 — The Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is inseparable from the spiritual awakening process.
When we experience the Dark Night, we become extremely conscious of our separation from ourselves, other people, and the Divine.
How does the Dark Night often lead to ego death?
The Dark Night of the Soul is a period when we feel utterly lost, lonely and isolated from others. It is the accumulation or culmination of our suffering.
Deep down, we know something has to drastically change in our life, but we don’t know what or where to look.
Often, this experience culminates in a sudden ‘pop’ of the ego bubble – like the cork from a wine bottle suddenly releasing pressure.
Read more: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul »
Stage 3 — The Spiritual Seeker
Eventually, after experiencing a spiritual awakening and Dark Night of the Soul, we stumble into the field of spirituality. We start experimenting with different spiritual practices and find that some alleviate our suffering.
We become obsessed with reducing the suffering we have been carrying and explore many different fields such as energy healing, zen, yoga, astrology, mysticism, etc.
Stage 4 — Satori
The word “Satori” is a Zen Buddhist word that means “momentary enlightenment.” Satori is a small glimpse into your True Nature, or Consciousness itself; a moment when your ego completely dissolves.
For some, this experience is scary, and spiritual growth stagnates. But for others, the Satori experience is deeply life-changing, and spiritual growth continues.
Many describe Satori as being the result of a kundalini awakening.
Read more: What is Kundalini Awakening? (19 Intense Symptoms) »
Stage 5 — The Elder Soul
After a certain period of time, we begin to develop spiritual discernment. We discover the gimmicks and spiritual bypassing practices that keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, and separation, and learn practices that open us to the Divine. As we begin to experience more soulful maturity and reconnect with the higher Self, we learn the virtues of self-discipline, patience, and focus.
Read more: Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul »
Stage 6 — Dissolution and Deconstruction
In this stage, we begin to surrender all that we are not.
This stage is not just about identifying our destructive and limiting beliefs and behavior patterns but actually letting go of them and letting the light in.
Grace, discipline, trust, courage, non-attachment, humility, and love all play an important role in this process.
Stage 7 — The End of the Search
Finally, we come to a stop. We realize that all that we are, and all that we need, can be found right Now.
The search to become something, to lose something, to find something, and to accomplish something perishes.
We see through the illusion of looking for truth, joy, peace, and love in any place outside of ourselves.
We see the truth that we are mirrored in all beings and all things.
We experience interconnectedness and Oneness.
While the ego still exists, we become aware of the ego as simply a tool; not the Truth of Who We Are.
Transcending duality and the grip of the ego, we develop the capacity to give unconditional love and acceptance.
This is the state of ultimate inner peace, freedom, and what people refer to as “enlightenment,” yet those who experience this know that no possible label or mental construct can describe such an experience.
The end is the beginning, and the beginning is the end.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
– T. S. Eliot
FAQ About Ego Death
If you needed more clarity, here are some answers to common questions:
Ego death is an intense experience that can alternate between feelings of horror and ecstatic bliss. While one person may experience nothing but terror, another may experience only cosmic Oneness. But often, most people experience both extremes while undergoing ego death.
Usually, ego death is such a paradigm-shifting and mind-blowing experience that a person’s life will change forever. What happens after ego death often involves a lot of soul searching. The person will be inspired to seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and will embark on a spiritual quest for answers. Most people forget about the importance of spiritual integration after this experience – which is crucial to make the most of it!
Some people deliberately seek out ego death to try and achieve a mystical experience. However, a word of caution: this experience can be extremely dangerous for those unprepared (see: spiritual emergency). Once you’ve checked your intentions, you’ll be pleased to know that there are quite a few paths to ego death. Some examples include attending long meditation retreats, entering altered states of consciousness through mystical paths like dancing or chanting, and ingesting psychedelic substances. For serious spiritual seekers, almost every mystical tradition offers pathways to ego death.
***
Ego death is a serious, purging, profound, and shattering experience.
It is so deep and so beyond anything we have experienced in this life, that it changes our perception of existence in a single moment.
I hope these “stages” have helped you to understand it better.
Finally, I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote to ponder about death itself:
Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die – and find that there is no death.
– Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Ruminate on this process, and let me know what you think.
This made perfect sense to me
If one can practise giving selflove to oneself and to others without taking or expecting (no intention of being selfish) how does one reconcile expressing “I” am without it being an expression of the ego?
Thank for the metaphysical question Mark. The distinction is one between ego and soul. Our thoughts are an expression of the ego, saying “I am” is not the same as the soul-centric realization (not through thoughts/words/language) that ‘I AM’, that I have a unique place in this world and the boundaries of where “I” end are not limited to my body sensations or mental thoughts. Language does a poor job at explaining this, but we’ve covered elsewhere the aspects/qualities of a mystical experience, which serves as glimpses for many into this realization.
So to accept everything and everyone one as they are unconditionally. No good or bad. Accept that we are mirrors of one another. I want all this and sometimes I feel it. But one kind of evil keeps me from fully accepting it and that is the existence of pure evil like pedophiles or people who torture animals. How can I ever come to accept people who take those kinds of actions?
We must clear out the “good/bad” thinking within ourselves to get rid of guilt, shame and other emotions that trap us within our ego so to clear our conscience so we can reach our true selves. We obviously need those labels outside ourselves to get us safely through our life on earth and to know we need to stay away from those who could hurt us or others. For me, I can still find a way to love believing they are so lost and cut off from their consciences that they must be suffering immensely… during my Dark Night of the Soul, I descended into a place so dark, so lonely, so hopeless I wouldn’t wish it on one single living soul. I came out with a deep sense of compassion. Although if we are to believe in divinity, we must also believe in evil but I trust the universe to sort that out, not I.
Accept the person and not the actions. Can be quite challenging though
I think this is where many get caught up Rae. Here is where I distinguish ‘acceptance’ from ‘agreeing’ with a situation. I don’t agree with what pedophiles do, but what choice do any of us have but accept the reality that they exist? And yet when I go deeper into these sources of perceived ‘evil’, like pedophiles or animal killers, I realize how limited my way of seeing them is.
The more you explore many of these so called ‘evil’ peoples lives, the more you find that they themselves often experienced terrible trauma, violence, suffering, at some point in their development, and it resulted in shaping and forming them into people capable of terrible things. At what point down the line do we find someone to blame? Or are many of them simply victims of victims of victims ad infinitum? Even if they have had no bad experiences that formed them, how are we to know it’s not their chemical brains predisposition? This is where one can get into the philosophy and neuroscience of free will, and how seemly little control we have of our actions, and yet how necessary it is for our society to have corrective mechanisms in place for such situations; from good parenting to criminal corrective facilities.
I agree with everything you’ve said here and have concluded the same things as I’ve delved into myself and embarked upon my ownjourney of healing and self discovery. I’d like to add to this that I think while it’s easy enough to understand something intellectually this doesn’t always follow emotionally. I think we’re as limited in our compresion of others and their motives as we are our own. So if we were to get closer to the parts of ourselves that on some level identifies, even if only somewhat, with these individuals we might consider “evil”, we may be able to develop a deeper understanding. Of course, it’s an intolerable thing for the ego to consider without a certain degree of struggle as most of us not only would hate to be this way but would also hate to be seen to be this way. I think the latter is the true strumbling block, though- shame.
I say this because I have a history of abuse and neglect growing up and it’s occured to me recently that the reason my innner child is unable to process some of the things her mother did to her is due to a lack of emotional comprehension. I, the adult, am just as clueless currently as the child. Sure, I can offer a logical reason why her mother was that way, but this doesn’t help with compresion as I’ve come to realise emotional understanding is usually reached through the body and somatic experience. But if I can utilise the imagination, drawing upon past experience, I could put the logic and the experience together. I could potentially take my child self back to a time where she behaved in a manipulative manner, somewhat like her mother, and how it may have felt for her younger sibling who was at the receiving end maybe I can deepen the understanding. However, it requires facing off a lot of fear and shame within the self and a good degree of trust and self compassion so it’s not too overwhelming. It also requires access to such memories through a great deal more listening and speaking with this child. Basically, I need to make it safe for myself before I take myself to these scary places and acknowledge scary potential truths.
Not sure if this makes sense, it’s a concept I’m still exploring.
Thank you Lana for sharing your experience and thoughts on this. The issue you point out is a common obstacle along the way, it’s almost like a form of ‘bootstrapping’, where we need to create a leverage point that is not there yet when it comes to our internal work. This is where the support and guidance of someone that we trust can be so helpful, they serve in a way as an anchor for us to go deeper while holding space for us and providing that solidity.
I’m still exploring myself the implications and limitations of inner work done as a solitary practice, and at what point external support becomes necessary as I see a lot of this in the ‘personal’ inner world/spirituality circles.
Some of the great Spiritualists were great lucid dreamers. Able to clearly see and recall lengthy dreams, overcoming fears, or other obstacles while acting out as a conscious player involved with other dream persons that help us revisit past wounds or incomplete feelings or unexposed wants that never came out in the company. Sometimes these overlap into dream sequences, like a mixed bag of release, reveal, and conquer.
So sometimes I think the Ego is some what like this in our daily lives, but more a collector of incomplete thought bits which later on get reformed into a conglomerate deep dream. Some can be humourous and happy at the beginning of the dream, then quickly transfer along the dream line into revealing the underbelly of our subconscious reaction to relationships or the core of real and authentic feeling which is both awe-inspiring and dread at the same time.
Some say lose the Ego as it gets in the way of going deeper into meditation. While others say live with the Ego as it does not need controlling or destroying. Just keep it occupied with surface nonsense while diving deep to see and feel the depths of the subconscious and reap the benefits thereof while healing and clearing out any unwanted guests, blocks, or past life nonsense.
My Ego is an annoying pest that intervenes with daily surface self-talk about daily business things. Sometimes it gets too much and I just tell it to get back into its box so to speak. This works for a while until the older brain becomes tired.
I turn mine off sometimes with mindfulness meditation, and at other times, I do a pencil drawing for over an hour until the mind blanks out and the quiet flow of different types of drawing patterns creates a sense of inner spaciousness where time slows and the mind rests…..Ah, bliss!
All paths seem to lead up the same mountain, some however are much more ‘hardcore’ than others and therefore also much more predisposed to difficult experiences, especially when navigated without any expert guidance. I this art flow is a great gentle way to temporarily tune it out; this is where one needs to decide whether we want to tune it out and be temporarily free from it, or exercise the contemplative muscle of training ourselves to live more from a heart-centric place.