Our inner voices. They’re incessant, subtle and ever-present.
Often we’re unaware of the internal dialogues that go on inside of ourselves, the self-talk that plays repetitively like broken records inside our minds. Unfortunately, however, this internal dialogue frequently consists of self-derisive and self-sabotaging thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities.
It’s not surprising then, that many of us feel paralyzed and exasperated when we try to self-actualize and self-fulfill ourselves creatively. We can’t seem to accomplish anything without constant internal interjections of criticism, hopelessness, and worry. Our days are garnished with thoughts such as “I’m useless“, “I’m not made for this“, “I could have done that better“. And consequently … we feel exhausted and defeated – by ourselves!
But we weren’t made to be our own worst enemies. Where does such doubtful and self-defeating negativity come from exactly? And how can we live more self-fulfilled lives?
(Please note: we all have subpersonalities, and not all of them are negative or harmful. Please see our archetypes article for a more bird’s eye perspective.)
Table of contents
The Four Subpersonalities
I first discovered the idea of the Four Subpersonalities 3 years ago, in Edmund Bourne’s book about Anxiety & Phobia . At that time I was struggling to overcome what I believed was a bad case of general and social anxiety. Since then, I have largely overcome this fear by becoming mindful of my negative self-talk – and the Four Subpersonalities that exist in differing degrees in all of us. These Subpersonalities are:
- The Worrier
- The Critic
- The Victim
- The Perfectionist
The one thing these Four Subpersonalities share is the ability to induce anxiety. They voice the different kinds of negative dialogues that occur inside each one of us.
How They Cripple Us
Below is a list of each subpersonality dissected and put under a microscope. Consider this question: which one is the most predominant in you?
The Worrier
Main Function: Promotes anxiety and fear.
Description: This person tends to catastrophize and imagine the worst-case scenarios promoting anxiety, fear and even panic attacks within themselves. They tend to always be on edge, watching for signs of trouble.
When those signs of trouble arise, the worrier tends to:
- Anticipate the worst.
- Overestimate the chances of something horrible happening.
- Fantasize about the worst possible catastrophes occurring.
Key Expressions: “What if…”
Examples: Typical dialogue includes thoughts like: “What if they hear me stutter and think I’m an idiot – and don’t give me the job?!”, “What if he doesn’t call me, and I feel distraught and shattered?”, “What if I put my work on public display and everyone laughs at me, thinking I’m a failure?”
The Critic
Main Function: Promotes low self-esteem.
Description: This person is extremely judgmental of themselves. They put themselves down constantly for any flaw, limitation, or failure they perceive in themselves. They fall into the mental trap of overemphasizing their weaknesses and filtering out their strengths.
Key Expressions: “Can’t you ever do anything properly?”, “Why do you always do that?”, “That was stupid!”, “Should be…”
Examples: “There are so many flaws in this novel of mine, I’m such a poor writer!”, “B+? I could have done way better!”, “I’m such a weak person compared to _____. I should be better.”
The Victim
Main Function: Promotes depression.
Description: This subpersonality creates helpless and hopeless feelings. It is that part of you that believes you have an inherent defect that makes you unworthy and incapable. It tells you that nothing will ever change, and circumstances are irreversible and incurable. The Victim consequently places obstacles and barriers between themselves and their goals, depriving themselves of self-satisfaction.
Key Expressions: “I’ll never be able to …”, “I can’t”.
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Examples: “It’s too late to do that now … I’m too tired/old/unpracticed/unskilled”, “I’ll never be able to get a pay rise, so what’s the point of trying?”, “I can’t do that – it’s too hard for me”.
The Perfectionist
Main Function: Promotes stress and burnout.
Description: This person constantly pushes themselves to do bigger and better, always telling themselves that they aren’t doing well enough. They derive their self-worth from external achievements, driving themselves with the mantra that they “should do” this or “should be” that. When they fail to do something that doesn’t conform with their high standards, they are intolerant and self-derisive. The Perfectionist does not forgive or forget, creating great pressure and anxiety for themselves.
Key Expressions: “I must”, “I should”, “I have to”.
Examples: “I should be competent – I must get this done well”, “I have to always be selfless and caring”, “I should be the best at this recital – I have to do well”.
How To Free Yourself & Find Self Fulfillment
Which subpersonality was the most dominant in you? It could have been two of them equally – this is normal. Or it could have been just one like me (The Perfectionist).
Now that you have an idea of the Four Subpersonalities, you may be pondering the best course of action. As author Ray Bradbury suggested in his book Zen in the Art of Writing: don’t think – just do! This is one approach that requires no mental action or analysis.
However, some find this approach ambiguous, and as to how it is done, whether through meditation or some other self-prescribed method, is entirely up to your own devices.
There are other ways to counteract the negative self-talk of our subpersonalities. These come with 1) being mindful of your thoughts, and 2) interrupting your thoughts with any of the following questions:
1. Are you being objective?
2. Is this always true?
3. Was this true in the past?
4. Are you looking at the big picture – or simply focusing on the details?
5. What are the objective odds of this happening? Why? Why not?
6. What is the factual evidence for this?
7. Truthfully, what’s the worst that could happen? Why is this so bad? How would you deal with this?
***
When trying to free yourself from the negativity of your subpersonality/s, the goal is to a) challenge, b) look for evidence, and c) maintain an objective state of mind. The biggest creator of pain is subjectivity. Once you use these 7 questions to challenge your subpersonality/s, you will almost certainly find how little truth your self-limiting talk has in reality.
If this article inspired any thoughts in you, I’d love to hear about them below.
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This is a really good article. Thanks Aletheia for this wonderful article.
Hello!
I’m a big fan of this website and have donated several times :-)
This is one of the many excellent posts you have on here and I love your quizzes as well (I’m a mature soul, an empath, a highly sensitive person, and have a melancholic temperament)
I have a couple of questions:
I know that you, Luna, have dealt with anxiety in the past. How did medication work on you? Also, I have this anxiety that really cripples me. I worry about weird stuff often and I can’t shop/take the train alone. I am almost 18, and I really wish to get my anxiety under control. I can’t even function in a normal school… Do you have any tips?
I am very spiritual (interested in the nature-religion, Wicca) and I love doing yoga. I am also a fan of crystals, my current favorites: turquoise, green aventurine, howlite, rhondonite, citrine, amethyst.
Love, Amanda :-)
wow……speechless……….because of how dead on this was for me. I have printed this and I am going to re-read it until it sinks in! I have to stop this before it’s too late to enjoy life…..
Thank you.
I will be a regular reader – hopefully with a happy comment in the future…..
THANKS for the article!
I have always been aware that I have several ghostly voices lurking in my head,
feeding me with negativity that burdens me everyday. But after reading this,
I can name them now .(all four of them are present in my cramped brain. oh my god.)
Now I know what exactly they are I think i will have a better chance
to deal with them properly :)
This article is great, informative and helpful, thanks a lot :)
Life is SO complicated ! I relate to all of these to some extent which results in a continual dull sense of self loathing. I do believe, in my case at least, it has made me a better person. I believe that because I am so judgmental of myself, and I have a sense of how unfair and illogical that is and I am very unlikely to make judgments about others. I know myself better than anyone, and still make these childish, cruel judgments. How illogical would it be to make judgements of someone who I know so much less intimately ? When I see people who appear to lack any introspective humility at all I am not envious, you can be confident without arrogance. Truly knowing yourself is an ugly business as there is no perfection and the demons are sneaky, acknowledging them removes their power but they still exist and the battle goes on. I choose a grim reality over delusional happiness.. (as if I have a choice!) — Love your stuff Luna, keep it up !!
I knew but never really admitted it. I hide behind playing the victim lots of times. Hopefully, this year would be better. I’m optimistic. :)
It’s true what you mentioned. I tend to drive myself to depression just by thinking negative thoughts. I’m more mindful of what I think and I chide myself whenever I begin to think about all the bad things that had happened in my past.
The site looks wonderful, BTW. :)
I wish I had seen this earlier, hope died a few months ago. But thank you anyway.
My father used to tell me I could do better no matter what I acheived, and I wasn’t put down by this so much because I knew it was true. I think we can use some of these negative thoughts to our advantage, much can be acheived through painful self-improvement and striving to do better because that’s what life is ultimately – evolving and growth.
Then again I never really worked out what ”better” means. Some sort of insight you gain from other peoples perception.
Yep. Critic and Perfectionist at your service. Takes a bow. Sees that nobody is impressed and some snicker. Retreats telling self “That was stupid. Why do you ALWAYS try to impress people and make a fool of yourself in the process???”
PS. Apparently I can not use the greater than signs. it messes up with the code. Oh well.