The Deep Thinker, Belonging, and the Craving For Aloneness

Note: this is a contemplative blog post rather than a traditional article. As such, there’s no necessary ‘clear solution’ or 7-step-process I’m providing here. Instead, I’m just offering my thoughts and reflections in a more raw way. Enjoy. :) 

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Recently, I’ve realized that at the center of the work I’m called to do in this life is the theme of belonging and its shadow twin, outsiderhood.

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Feeling abandoned, alone, exiled, homeless, different, separate, cut off, outcasted, orphaned, misunderstood, neglected, and like a reject are all related to a sense of outsiderhood.

Being a lone wolf and spiritual wanderer are also direct byproducts of this aching inner feeling of loss, death of home (domicide), and existential alienation – they are a call to find home again, to find a deep sense of belonging.

These undercurrents of loss and longing don’t just run through my own life, but they also run through the lives of many, especially as more of us are cast into a sense of isolation through technology, health pandemics, social unrest, and the plethora of issues we face in this day and age.

The Deep Thinker

We need more deep thinkers in this day and age – those who are aware, alert, and carry a mischievous glimmer of maverick in their eyes, not afraid to ruthlessly question the way things are AND themselves in the process.

I see the deep thinker (and deep feeler) as yet another facet of the lone wolf and vital for the process of both inner and outer awakening. 

And yet, being a deep thinker and finding a sense of belonging almost invariably butt heads with each other – we could say they’re an oxymoron, totally antithetical, for deep thought requires a certain level of aloneness.

To see clearly, you must, as the saying goes, see the forest for the trees, you must stand outside so that you have a clear view of the inside.

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If you’re a deep thinker, you will almost certainly feel a sense of unbelonging, a sense of isolation, disconnection, and, at times, loneliness in this world.

At the same time, you will have a strong craving and thirst for aloneness, for in solitude you can hear yourself think. In solitude, you find freedom from the brainwashing matrix and the mind-numbing drone of societal norms.

In solitude, you find a sense of home – a feeling of clarity, peace, and awareness, aspects of your truest and deepest Nature.

Yet solitude can be both a friend and a foe, depending on how you approach this wild beast.

The Need For Togetherness AND Aloneness

In his autobiography Memories, Dreams, and Reflections, influential psychiatrist and deep thinker Carl Jung writes,

As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.

Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible …

If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely.

But loneliness is not necessarily inimical to companionship, for no one is more sensitive to companionship than the lonely man, and companionship thrives only when each individual remembers his individuality and does not identify himself with others.

When we see too deep and too much, the result is an inevitable feeling of loneliness – especially when others can’t or don’t want to see the same things that we see. When we have no socially approved or welcome outlets for sharing what we find, a result of isolation will unavoidably arise.

But Jung speaks here also of how receptive deep thinkers can be to companionship. Perhaps more than others, we don’t take it for granted.

And yet, he cautions us to not lose touch with that sense of uniqueness, even while connected to another, as true connection can only arise when there is a healthy sense of individuality.

In other words, we need togetherness and aloneness. Too much aloneness can create toxic individualism or loneliness, and too much togetherness can create enmeshment and loss of independent selfhood.

Like the yin and yang, we need both.

Finding Belonging in the More-Than-Human-World

As lone wolves and spiritual wanderers – as deep thinkers and feelers – we can’t always control how connected we feel with others.

Sometimes, perhaps quite often, we may find ourselves in a kind of social or spiritual desert where we cannot relate one iota with any other person in our lives.

We may feel like strangers in a strange land, maybe even like imposters, eternal foreigners, or outsiders looking in, unable to connect with others over what we hold and cherish as most important to us.

Here I want to point out that while this may be the case, there are many other avenues of connection available to us than with other human beings.

In the early nineties, cultural ecologist and philosopher David Abram coined the term “the more-than-human-world” to describe this planet that both includes humans, but also exceeds and surpasses them.

In other words, we’re not at the center of the universe, even though we’ve been raised to think so with a kind of narcissistic human-centric mentality.

There are many other aspects of life that are just as valuable as humans, such as animals, plants, habitats, and land formations.

If we cannot connect with those in our immediate surroundings, we can find a sense of comfort, allyship, and connection in the more-than-human-world.

Hiking, sitting by a stream of water, communicating with the birds outside, feeling a tree’s bark beneath our fingers, befriending local wildlife, loving our fur companions, and sensing our interconnectedness with life can be wonderfully soothing ways of rediscovering a sense of belonging.

Leave your mind on the doorstep and go exploring. Like a loyal companion, the world is waiting for you. 

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I hope you enjoyed these reflections. Perhaps you can even find yourself mirrored in them, in which case, here are a couple of questions for you to ponder:

If you’re a deep thinker, how might you find a sense of both aloneness AND togetherness? What does belonging mean to you in the more-than-human-world? I’d love to hear from you below.