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    » Home » Spiritual Calling

    Do You Ever Feel Like an Outsider Looking In? Here’s Why …

    Reading time: 7 mins

    by Aletheia · Apr 23, 2022 · 122 Comments

    Outsider looking in image

    An outsider is a person who quite simply does not fit in with existence-as-we-know-it.

    Such a person is a fringe dweller, a black sheep, a social oddball, and a displaced alien endlessly coexisting in a society that doesn’t feel like home.

    On this website, we refer to the outsider as the “lone wolf” who walks through life with a feeling of inner disconnection from the wider “norms” of society.

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    This bone-deep isolation often gives birth to the search for freedom, acceptance, and a true place to call home.

    Chances are that if you’ve read this far, you can probably relate to feeling like an outsider looking in – and never quite finding that elusive sense of “belonging somewhere.”

    Fear not! There’s a reason why you feel this way, and it’s not because there’s something defective or “wrong” with you.

    In fact, despite what you may feel about yourself, others, and the world, being an outsider looking in is actually a huge advantage. I’ll explain to you why.

    Table of contents

    • Why Do I Feel Like an Outsider Looking In?
    • Outsiders & the Existential Crisis
    • Why Being an Outsider is a Spiritual Path
    • The 9 Hidden Powers of Social Outsiders

    Why Do I Feel Like an Outsider Looking In?

    Image of a hand raising up to the light symbolic of feeling like an outsider looking in

    “Why do I feel like an outsider looking in?” – I’ve asked myself this question ever since I was about 6 years old.

    For me, the sensation of being an outsider was triggered by painful shyness and my unconventional upbringing (aka. being raised by fundamentalist Christian parents).

    In fact, I was practically hand-fed since birth with the idea that I was an “alien on this earth,” and that Jesus could come back at any time and take me to my “true home” in heaven. (Yep … enough said.)

    Yet the feeling of being an outsider runs much deeper than religious brainwashing or being classed as one of the “unpopular kids” in school.

    To me, this feeling of being an outsider looking in is something intrinsic, subterranean, and seemingly fundamental to my experience of being a human.

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    And I know that you feel it too …

    … otherwise, why would you be reading this article?

    Perhaps you’ve also carried this unshakable feeling within you; that of being a nomad and wanderer in life. No matter how close you get to others, that feeling of being an outsider is always looming in the background:

    it’s present in your interactions with people, your observations, dreams, desires, and motivations – and it awaits you at the beginning and end of your day.

    I think you know what I mean. (And it’s this very feeling that, in truth, has motivated me to write everything I’ve ever written.)

    But why do we feel this way?

    I’ve done a lot of soul searching when it has come to this question. What I’ve discovered is that obviously there are many possible reasons for feeling like an outsider.

    But the most significant reason I’ve found to date is all to do with the soul – that inner spark of divinity within us.

    We’re all born with a soul but not all of us continue to maintain this deep inner connection as we grow older. Shamanic cultures call this disconnection soul loss. But that inner knowing that something is missing or askew is called a spiritual awakening.

    As such, those of us who feel like outsiders quite simply are ‘awake’ to something others in society aren’t.

    Outsiders & the Existential Crisis

    Image of a blue eye

    Put simply, at the core of feeling like an outsider looking in is the sense that something is not quite right. We feel that we don’t belong because we can’t relate to the people or environments around us.

    The end result of feeling this lack of belonging is that we don’t feel truly seen or heard (or we don’t feel safe enough to let ourselves be seen or heard).

    And we don’t feel seen or heard because those people and situations don’t meet a deep soul need within us. Why? Because these people and situations lack substance – aka. everything feels very surface-level and unsatisfactory.

    To borrow Buddhist terminology, we sense on an intuitive gut level that the world we’re living in is full of Dukkha (suffering), and the feeling that something is missing doesn’t quite leave us.

    Such an unnerving feeling that the world doesn’t match up to our deeper soul needs gives rise to a kind of existential crisis. For some people, this existential crisis may be a consistent hum in the background, and for others, such feelings may evolve into a kind of dark existential depression.

    But one thing is almost guaranteed. Feeling like an outsider looking in often leads to a spiritual awakening in which one goes in search of deeper answers.

    If you’ve felt like an outsider for most of your life, you are almost certainly a highly sensitive and spiritually receptive person.

    You have experienced firsthand how isolating the ego can be. You know how unnatural it is to live in a society that is obsessed with fame, status, money, and power. You know how superficial, senseless, and insane living an ego-centered life is.

    But you can’t quite verbalize this. You can’t quite understand what you’re going through because you’re inundated with feelings of being “strange,” “weird,” “different,” and “unworthy.”

    You long for a home that you’ve never even experienced; a place to feel completely understood, loved, and cherished.

    That place is your soul.

    It is your soul — your True Nature — that seeks to experience itself again.

    In other words, deep down, what you’re really craving for is home.

    Why Being an Outsider is a Spiritual Path

    Image of a lonely outsider woman walking

    Although it can be lonely feeling like a social outsider, I’m here to remind you that there is a lot of power and potential in this sacred path.

    Yes, you heard me correctly.

    Being an outsider is a path in and of itself – it requires you to trailblaze a new direction that hasn’t been walked before. Where that path leads is entirely up to your soul.

    In reality, feeling like an outsider is a crucial motivator for starting the spiritual journey. What else would motivate you to search for your true home and sense of belonging?

    The very fact that you feel like an outsider indicates that your soul is trying to guide you towards true love, understanding, and freedom (i.e., home).

    Almost every person I’ve spoken to on the spiritual path has identified with this feeling of being an outsider looking into a world that doesn’t feel like home.

    All of these people have expressed a level of soulful sensitivity that surpasses the average person. In other words, these people saw beyond the pretensions of others, the rat race of daily living and felt like there was much more to life than meets the eye.

    Instead of unquestionably accepting what they had been taught, these outsiders were inquisitive and curious freethinkers.

    Unfortunately, we’re often taught that being an outsider is a “bad” thing, and no wonder — biologically we’re made to stay within the safe confines of our species’ groups.

    But there comes a moment in life when we realize that “playing by the book” is a miserable and unfulfilling absurdity. (Just look at all those people who followed the rules, got a good career, wife, children, solid salary, socially-approved status … and ended up miserable, empty, lonely, killing themselves, or dying prematurely due to stress-related illnesses. I’m sure you know one, or a dozen of them.)

    So while being an outsider may seem isolating, it is actually profoundly beneficial for your life. I wish everyone had the opportunity to feel like an outsider because being an outsider is a catalyst for self-fulfillment, self-mastery, and self-realization.

    If you have ever read the archetypal story of The Hero’s Journey from Joseph Campbell (that is repeated in every culture, time, and period), you’ll realize that being an outsider is actually necessary for finding your true purpose and meaning of life.

    So the very fact that you feel like an outsider is actually a good sign: you’re on the right path!

    The 9 Hidden Powers of Social Outsiders

    Image of a lone wolf standing on a cliff face

    It’s important that we learn to think of being a lone wolf or free spirit as a good thing.

    Many indigenous cultures, such as those in Africa and Australia, actually encourage the younger members to go out alone in the wilderness to find themselves as a rite of passage.

    Without accepting that isolation and feeling alone is part of experiencing true connectedness, we get lost very easily. We start believing everything is wrong with us, when in fact, we are simply being driven to pursue something of more depth and spiritual significance.


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    If you’re receptive to your soul, it is only natural that you’ll feel displaced in this world. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

    Here are the nine major benefits of being an outsider:

    1. You’re no longer brainwashed and constrained by the rules and beliefs of society as you can easily see through them.
    2. You have more freedom to listen to the voice of intuition within yourself – and this will guide your entire life.
    3. You have enough solitude to discover what being true to yourself means in a society that is always trying to undermine your authenticity.
    4. You can see the bigger picture and not get lost in the details.
    5. You can connect with your soul more easily than others.
    6. You have been given the space and room to grow in whatever way you like and be a free spirit.
    7. You have the opportunity to experience greater connection by finding a like-minded group of people or a soul family.
    8. Your ability to observe others gives you a greater capacity for wisdom and also compassion.
    9. You have the necessary catalyst to experience true self-fulfillment and spiritual ascension should you choose that path.

    Although being an outsider can be terribly lonely, it is a privileged position.

    Leaving the herd of humanity allows you to flourish and blossom in ways you never could experience while being “normal” and socially “acceptable.”

    To end, let me leave you with a profound quote from spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle to contemplate:

    Being an outsider, to some extent … makes life difficult, but it also places you at an advantage as far as enlightenment is concerned. It takes you out of unconsciousness almost by force.

    (The Power of Now)

    What does being an outsider mean to you?

    Do You Ever Feel Like an Outsider Looking In? Here’s Why …
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    About Aletheia

    Aletheia is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, and spiritual mentor whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

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    Reader Interactions

    (122) Comments

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    1. Colin Pounder

      March 06, 2022 at 11:03 am

      Fifty four years ago I went for my tutorial. The Professor stood looking out of the window and said, “I have been trying to place you in time and I can get no nearer than the eighteenth century”. For myself I would have made that seventeenth. However your page on Old Souls is the first time I felt as it were – at home.

      Reply
    2. Jamie

      December 31, 2021 at 1:03 am

      Timely offering, indeed! As a Lone Wolf (I like to think not entirely by choice ;) Gemini who has been fortunate to live long enough to realize both the blessing and necessary struggle of being Me (although, really describes all embodied souls, no?), the latest context I’m contending with is Aging. I think most of us Lone Wolves necessarily develop a level of self-sufficiency that can be very functional but also carries varying levels of unhealthiness. As the Body’s decline starts to move beyond where we can push it and instead must respect its boundaries/limitations, we again get called into the dilemma: how to trust others to help and be depended on when our soul and experience suggest they won’t and can’t be? Clearly there seems to be a conscious calling to communion while we’re embodied, just as Soul is naturally part of an energy collective. As always, the choice is how we respond. For me, I find I’m more gentle and accepting of my body than I’ve ever been, and likewise hope I can accord others who I may have to rely on at future points that same gentle understanding and acceptance if/as they do their best but may fail me. Life is nothing if not interesting!

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        January 21, 2022 at 2:23 pm

        Thank you for sharing this Jamie, I think that gentleness and acceptance is vital (really, no matter what age you’re at, but especially old age). I love your final observation, that Life is nothing if not interesting! :)

        Reply
    3. Edith

      December 30, 2021 at 11:52 pm

      Dear Aletheia, Thank you for your article. As painful as reading your article reached me, I heard myself say to my once was husband many times in our marriage, “I just don’t feel right.” I am remaining in this long painful life of constant ‘soul journey’ of an unreachable peace. Even my questioning what I have found such valueable appreciation in all the forms of the arts which I would describe who I am and even loved ones to good friends, seems unfulfilled joy to sadness. I wonder if this is and was another area of my life journey that defines attachments that from these unconscious nd unrecognized attachment parts of myself becomes more ‘the soul call’ journey. Yes, I see myself in all the areas of interests to learning who I am but still the outsider and unconnected…out of the loop, not included, and taken for granted not knowing how to be or do in the world of this or that. I find the grieving process exhausting with this loneliness an endless reach to how to be with just ‘my soul.’ My comments are risky to share. Thank you for letting me inside your comment space to express a certain loss that is to be my eventual untouched ‘soul discovery.’ Edith

      Reply
      • Shannon

        January 01, 2022 at 12:23 am

        Hi Edith,
        I just wanted to share with you that your comment hit home for me. I recognized myself in it and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Much love. Shannon

        Reply
    4. La

      December 30, 2021 at 9:22 am

      Thank You :’) <3

      Reply
    5. Bequi Livingston

      December 30, 2021 at 4:03 am

      Thank you so much for this reminder. I’ve been feeling alone, different, outcast, misfit and not belonging my whole life but it has really compounded these past few years in a full blown crisis. It is a terribly lonely path. Especially having been neglected, abandoned and outcast as a child and throughout my life. I am also a Highly Sensitive Person trying to find my way in a very dark world.
      How does one deal with the extreme grief that comes with this journey when you become an outcast from friends and family? Like my whole childhood is replaying. Thank you so much for the incredible work you do to help make sense of these gifts.

      Reply
    6. Victor Brownlees

      December 30, 2021 at 1:54 am

      I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feeling of being an outsider. At times it seems that I am merely a spectator of my interactions with others – like watching a live play. I hear the ‘me’ character say words, but I don’t know where they come from. I wonder who I really am.

      Reply
    7. Lauri

      December 30, 2021 at 1:49 am

      Powerful! I was brought to tears. You beautifully articulated my life story -things that I’ve tried to explain to others, but can never fully convey because it isn’t their path. Thank you

      Reply
    8. Mari

      December 28, 2021 at 10:18 pm

      This , this is exactly how I have been feeling and I have a sense of sadness , in not being ( home) I never feel I belong anywhere or can really trust anyone since every human has lied and hurt me .. I feel like a alien at times with human emotions and that I’m punished somehow ..

      Reply
      • Enigma

        January 10, 2022 at 6:39 am

        Mari, you’re not alone. There’s a very good reason you feel this way. Go on youtube and enter “Starseed” in the search bar. It will explain everything. You are here for a reason.

        Reply
    9. LeAnn

      December 27, 2021 at 10:03 pm

      I too have battled being an outsider all my life. Even now after changing so much of myself to allow my truth I still feel that everyday I have to put on a mask/character to function in the world. I’m becoming so very exhausted and pray everyday that this day will be the day that I will no longer have to do this. That the people around me will finally awaken and snap out of their falsity but it never happens. I am alone but not lonely. I do feel energy similar to mine out there somewhere and just try to spend some time daily connecting with it. It helps but I would love to also have physical connection to that energy as well. Maybe someday! Love Joy and peace to ALL ❣

      Reply
      • Mari

        December 28, 2021 at 10:19 pm

        I feel exactly the same !

        Reply
    10. Karen

      December 25, 2021 at 4:44 pm

      Thank you so much for all your work. I totally can relate to all of it which does help to know I’m truly not alone. I just wish these people were around me. I’m so tired of no real connection. I pretty much do everything alone , while I like that most of the time. Just wish i had more people to connect with. I have always been an outsider and a black sheep. People around me all my life let me know that as well. Having a label of bipolar slapped on me did not help. I have always felt like I don’t belong and do not relate to others around me or to much of society since a young age. I am seeing more and more that there is nothing wrong with me. I feel like there is so much wrong with them. Not that I’m perfect or anything. I am far from desperate and I do not settle for anything these days. I am very independent. Just hope to find more every day life people to connect with. I’m so over today’s world and society. Thanks for letting me share and thanks again❤️

      Reply
      • LeAnn

        December 27, 2021 at 9:53 pm

        Karen I feel the exact same. I moved from my birthplace to a new country and when I crossed the border I physically felt a switch click in my head and so many things improved. But alas I am still alone more joyful and more awake but I crave a tribe of like minded free thinkers who will love and accept me for ALL of me. I can’t tolerate the fake pretending people who label and judge anymore so solitude is currently my only friend. I wish you joy love and peace.

        Reply
    11. Janni/ZeldAlice

      December 22, 2021 at 7:23 am

      This is one of the things I needed right now, thanks alot for this article!

      Being an outsider for me has been both positive and negative. The positive is the freedom but the negative is that, while I also long to find my true self and finding my purpose etc, I also wish to find a place where I belong- To find this place and group of people that feels like home here on earth. I’ve known loneliness my entire life (although I at least have a family), never really fitting in anywhere or still have managed to find where I belong yet. But I also don’t want to sacrifice myself (I’ve sacrificed enough already of myself) and who I am just to fit in. So indeed, being an outsider is better than completely losing oneself in a group/place where you’re not even allowed to feel what you truly feel, think freely as an individual or be who you really are.

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 23, 2021 at 11:41 am

        I feel that split as well Janni (of valuing being an outsider but also craving a place to fit in) – to me, this is the human condition. Your comment reminds me of something I have realized ever more deeply this year: that essentially everyone feels like an outsider deep down (some just suppress that feeling by trying to fit in). Finding our particular flavor of weird can be difficult, but it’s a relief to know that we’re all in this together, even if we can’t all be part of each other’s packs. ♡

        Reply
    12. Harshitha

      December 22, 2021 at 3:43 am

      Read at exactly the perfect time I needed this. Not feeling sad about not belonging anymore.

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 22, 2021 at 9:45 am

        I am SO happy to hear that Harshitha, understanding the deeper/higher purpose really helps to put everything into perspective! Much love

        Reply
    13. Shawna

      December 21, 2021 at 8:39 am

      Beautiful and so well said and explained. Thank you so much! I love y’all and being a lone wolf!! xoxo

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 21, 2021 at 2:06 pm

        Awooo! ❤

        Reply
    14. Mateja

      December 20, 2021 at 10:15 pm

      This is so insightful, clear and encouraging, thank you. As a highly sensitive and spiritually receptive person I have felt different from my environment all my life. It’s true that most of the time I also thought that something was “wrong with me” yet at the same time I couldn’t but follow my soul. It meant going very different and very lonely path, but I have also experienced a lot of the benefits of being an outsider and a loner wolf, especially in the last years. Its essential for me to be alone a lot and to be connected with my soul. I have always been looking for my true family, and I have found my spiritual family. Yet I know I’m still on a journey… I think, my surname which in translation means Wolf, is not a coincidence…;) Lots of good wishes for all Loner Wolves!

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 21, 2021 at 2:07 pm

        It takes a lot of inner strength to follow your Soul’s path, even if it is lonely and goes against the grain of society. I take my hat off to you Mateja. (And I love the synchronicity of your surname too!)

        Reply
    15. donna

      December 20, 2021 at 6:02 pm

      I’ve experienced that feeling in some way, shape or form almost my entire life. My Kundalini Awakening began in 2014. It was crazy difficult for the first few years… I’m talking CRAZY difficult but I endured and broke through in 2019. I began my soul-searching journey and have come out on the other side of feeling like an outsider. Now, I feel as though most others are the outsiders. I have found true inner peace and feel extraordinarily confident in understanding of my oneness with the universe. I continue to build my knowledge and have found an acute connection thru metaphors, philosophies and synchronicities. While not religious, I research religions and have found threads of truths within them. This is the best way I can put it into words but there’s so much of it that I don’t have words for. All I can say is look within. Take accountability, always forgive both others and yourself, understand that life happens FOR you, not to you and learn to live with perpetual gratitude.

      Reply
      • Manda

        December 20, 2021 at 9:26 pm

        Wow! How synchronistic it felt reading your comment, considering the timeline of your awakening exactly matches my own. My spiritual awakening also began in 2014, and the first few years of it felt intensely uncomfortable and disorienting. Then in the beginning of 2019, everything finally settled down in a big way and I experienced a noticeable shift into more inner peace and surrender. Quite neat to come across someone describing a spiritual path that sounds remarkably similar to my own!

        Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 21, 2021 at 2:09 pm

        Thank you so much for this enriching wisdom Donna. What I’ve found through the years has mirrored your own discoveries, that there is so much meaningful connection to be found on the spiritual path (it’s not totally lonely, but can be), and that life is living us (at our core, we *are* Life itself!). Much love and gratitude

        Reply
    16. Vandy

      December 20, 2021 at 1:09 pm

      Thanyou for this article. I was strongly feeling alienated recently and this was making me sad. Love you for writing your articles so that people like me can feel better about themselves.

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 21, 2021 at 2:09 pm

        You are not as alone as you think, lots of love Vandy!

        Reply
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