When you first dig up the festering mess of your core beliefs from the depths of your being you’ll likely experience one of three emotions: excitement, confusion, or grief – or all three at once.
As one of the most fundamental practices on the inner journey of spiritual awakening, uncovering our toxic core beliefs is definitely not a clean or sanitary path.
But it is vital.
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We ALL carry our own devilish assortment of toxic core beliefs that eat away at our sanity on either a conscious or unconscious level. Typically, they influence every level of our being.
To effectively develop self-love, open our hearts to others, and experience the inner peace of Soul-embodiment, we need to turn inwards. We need to illuminate the darkness. Going in search of your core beliefs is one of the most essential paths for true and deep healing because it goes to the center of your suffering.
Table of contents
What Are Core Beliefs?
Our core beliefs are the unconscious stories, convictions, and judgments we carry about ourselves that define our sense of self. Core beliefs also determine how we feel about others, how happy we are with ourselves, and how we perceive the world at large. Our core beliefs are even responsible for how successful we are in self-actualizing our deepest dreams and uncovering our personal meaning of life. In short, our core beliefs influence every aspect of our lives. Typically, our core beliefs first developed in childhood and solidify in adulthood.
Core Beliefs and Spiritual Awakening
We heal ourselves on the mental level as we become aware of our core beliefs, release those that limit us, and open to more supportive ideas and greater understanding.
– Shakti Gawain
The whole point of the spiritual awakening journey is to loosen our attachment to that which is false and limiting – and this includes our core beliefs. These core beliefs can become so dense and constricting that they contribute to a Dark Night of the Soul (or spiritual crisis). In Indian philosophy, core beliefs are related to the idea of samskaras, or patterns of conditioning that we continuously repeat in our lives. To connect with our True Nature, we need to become aware of these inner contractions that tend to undermine, control, and pollute our way of living and being.
Why Your Core Beliefs are Surprising!
Just when you think you have a pretty good idea of who you are … just when life seems to be going well … everything starts spiraling downwards …
Have you ever felt this way before?
(Note: most of us have at some point in our lives!)
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We’ve all experienced periods of life where everything is sunshine-and-roses. We seem to be on the right track. And then – out of nowhere – a mysterious depression descends upon us. (Surprise! ) Or we get a huge anxiety attack that cripples our self-esteem. (Surprise!) Or we self-sabotage, attract the wrong person into our lives, and make a fool of ourselves. (Surprise!)
Why does this happen?
You can probably guess what I’m going to say. Yes, our core beliefs are what happened.
“But I’ve focused so much on self-growth and spirituality – what’s going wrong?” you might lament.
My answer is that, most likely, you haven’t gone deep enough into your psyche to undo your old patterns. Probably, you’ve taken the outside-in approach where you:
- change your diet
- take care of your body
- ‘hack’ (optimize) your daily routines
- read lots of self-help books
- do sexy yoga
- organize your life
… but for the most part, these are all very external or superficial practices. No matter how much you work on your external life, you still find yourself consumed by toxic shame, anger, self-pity, and self-destructive behaviors.
Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. No one taught you that you need to take the hard path, peek underneath the curtain of your mind, and shine a torch into its deepest recesses.
That’s where this article (and whole website) comes into the picture.
Examples of Core Beliefs to Look Out For
A core belief is not an everyday garden variety belief that pops up spontaneously – it is the mother of all beliefs, the Big Kahuna of suffering, and the King or Queen of your own personal underworld that goes on to become part of your shadow self. This is why shadow work is one of our most recommended methods for exploring our core beliefs.
Often we are completely unaware of what our core belief/s are (even if we think we are “conscious”!) – and it is quite common to disbelieve their existence.
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As I mentioned at the beginning; discovering your core beliefs will cause you to feel a cocktail of surprising emotions (from grief to disbelief). But whatever the case, the truth is that we all have core beliefs and we are all manipulated by them.
“But I’m a spiritual person: I’ve dedicated so many years to self-improvement!”
Maybe so. But if you’re still continuing to suffer, chances are that you haven’t done the dirty work of digging through the quagmire of your mind first.
In fact, I once used the same justification to avoid the fact that I struggled with some very real, very problematic core beliefs. Eventually, I learned the hard way. Thanks to the constant re-emergence of toxic guilt and shame I developed due to childhood conditioning, I discovered two main core beliefs about myself: (1) I am not worthy of happiness, and (2) I deserve to be punished.
I was a little speechless when I discovered these two core beliefs! They seemed so familiar, so big and scary – and yet there they were, condensed into simple little sentences that I could imagine a sad and scared little child repeating. (And indeed, they do come from the wounded inner child.)
Here are some other examples of common toxic core beliefs that we carry inside. Pay attention to those that generate feelings of discomfort within you:
- I am irredeemably flawed.
- I am unlovable.
- I am bad.
- I am stupid.
- I am worthless.
- I am a loser.
- I don’t deserve good things.
- I am a failure.
- I am weak.
- I am not enough.
- I don’t matter.
- I am boring.
- I am crazy and unstable.
- I can’t be fixed.
- I always hurt people.
- I always hurt myself.
- I have no hope.
- I am evil/sinful.
- I am unwanted.
- I am invisible.
- I am a mistake.
- I am helpless.
- I am ugly.
- I am shameful.
- I am uninteresting.
- I will die alone.
So, which of the above core beliefs stood out to you?
Keep in mind that the above list only displays a sample of the many possible core beliefs that could exist within you. Also, remember that we usually have more than one core belief operating behind the scenes.
5 Ways to Uncover Your Core Beliefs (the Fundamentals)
It is vital that you uncover as many core beliefs within you as possible.
Here is what you need to know:
1. They always start with “I am…”
Go and revisit the list of toxic core beliefs above. Can you see how nearly all of the toxic core beliefs start with “I am …” Others start with “I don’t,” “I always,” etc. which tend to sound quite judgmental. Remember that your toxic core beliefs will be in black and white language that condemns you in some way.
2. They are often disguised by supporting beliefs
Yes, these little imps don’t like being spotted. So look out for supporting beliefs that uphold your central core belief/s. Supporting beliefs often sound like the following:
- “She never cared for me” (I am unlovable)
- “He is such a show-off, I can’t stand it” (I am unimportant)
- “They’re always messing everything up” (I am helpless)
- “I’m sorry that I keep making mistakes, I’m a klutz” (I am a failure)
Pay attention to the things that you often say that make you feel a little insecure, self-conscious, or embarrassed. These uncomfortable emotions will help you to pinpoint a supporting belief statement that contains within it a core belief of yours.
3. Practice journaling and try the ‘why?’ technique
Record the thoughts you have about yourself and other people during the day.
Next to each thought ask “Why?” and ask the questions, “Why is that so bad/Why is that so important?” Keep asking these questions until you reach a core answer.
For example, you might write, “I hate how my friend keeps interrupting me.” Why is that so bad? “Because I want to be listened to.” Why? “Because I want to be cared for.” Why? “Because I feel like no one cares about what I have to say.” Why is that so important? “Because I feel alone and worthless.” From this example, we can ascertain that the core beliefs would be, “I am worthless” and/or “I am alone.”
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4. Painful emotions are your friends
Uncovering your toxic core beliefs can be invigorating and empowering – but also intimidating and a little scary. Remember that painful emotions are your friends. In other words, being brutally honest with yourself is essential. Paying attention to fluxes and surges of unpleasant emotions will help you to uncover your inner blockages. Do you feel anxious, gutted, enraged, self-conscious, insecure, nauseous, or otherwise uncomfortable in your own skin? Good. You know that you’re coming close to unveiling a core belief of yours. It’s like pulling out a splinter: you’ll feel the pinch of sharp pain first, but that’s a necessary part of the healing process.
5. Practice self-compassion
Throughout this process, it’s crucial that you be gentle and kind toward yourself. Extracting your toxic core beliefs can backfire if you use the information as an opportunity to bully yourself. Please don’t do that. You didn’t choose to have these toxic core beliefs: they developed as part of your childhood wounding and conditioning. So be compassionate and go at your own pace – that will make this journey into something nourishing and empowering, not into a witch hunt meant to ‘eradicate’ all of your demons.
Read: How to Love Yourself (Ultimate Beginner’s Guide) »
How to Change Your Toxic Core Beliefs in 9 Steps
As we’ve seen, core beliefs are the fundamental convictions we have about ourselves – they are the so-called “absolute truths” we have adopted throughout the course of our entire lives, usually starting in childhood.
For example, if we had an emotionally unstable father as children who constantly punished us and called us “stupid,” it’s likely that we would then develop the core belief that we are “stupid” or “worthless.” Or if we had a neurotic mother who was constantly warning us to “be safe,” we might have developed the belief that “we are not safe,” creating an endless array of psychological problems in our later lives.
Once you have discovered your core beliefs, the next step is to actively replace them. Below I’ll show you how to change your core beliefs in a relatively straight-forward way.
Keep in mind that any form of inner work demands time, energy, and persistence. But remember, everything you put out is returned to you tenfold!
1. Identify one core belief at a time
It’s pointless trying to rush the process of healing by trying to solve every core belief you’ve identified all at once. Start with the most severe and persistent core belief first. Often you’ll discover that there is one main core belief that seems to pervade a lot of what you think, feel and do. Target this one first. The smaller and less persistent core beliefs (i.e., the ones that fluctuate with your mood) can come later.
2. Understand how the core belief impacts your life
In order to truly motivate yourself to change your core belief, you must genuinely understand the impact it has on your everyday life and your life at large. Meditate or write down the answer to the following question, “How does this core belief impact my life?” You might respond, for instance, “It stops me from feeling confident. It makes me more anxious in public. It makes me doubt and hate myself. It causes me to lose friendships,” etc. Knowing how your core belief harms you will motivate you to make some serious changes.
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you believe it?
Often our core beliefs sound completely ridiculous. To the conscious mind, it’s easy to laugh at them and dismiss them. But on an unconscious level, they still remain within us wreaking havoc. For this reason, it’s important for you to sit down and really reflect on how much you truly believe your core belief. Don’t forget to be genuine and tell the truth – this can be hard!
On a scale of 1 (don’t believe at all) to 10 (strongly believe), rate how much conviction you have in your core belief. If your score is above 5 ask yourself, “Why do I believe this is true about myself?” You might like to note down or reflect on past memories or experiences that uphold your belief. If your score is below 5, try to identify any emotions (such as fear) hiding behind your disbelief.
4. Explore hidden forms of resistance
Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief.
– Frantz Omar Fanon
There are many reasons why we consciously or unconsciously refuse to change our old core beliefs. Usually, the reasons involve fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of uncertainty. If we have been habituated to think and behave in a certain way all our lives … what will happen if we don’t anymore? And furthermore, what will happen if we fail? Before you try changing your core beliefs you need to be able to deeply commit to the journey. By becoming conscious of what is holding you back from changing your core beliefs you will prevent self-sabotage.
5. Find ways to disprove your core belief
Now that you have rated how much you believe your core belief, try looking at the “big picture.” By finding ways to disprove your core belief, you will prove to your unconscious mind that you are no longer being positively served by this deeply held conviction.
For example, if your core belief is “I am unwanted,” you might like to deliberately look for ways you have been wanted before, e.g., you might write down “When I was 10 my teachers wanted me to be in charge of the class presentation. When I was 16 someone had a crush on me. When I was 19, my friend got upset with me for not wanting to go with her to the movies. Every year my relatives want me to come to the Christmas get-together. My partner wants to be with me …” and so forth.
6. Find an alternative core belief
After discounting your core beliefs and proving them to be flawed and unrealistic, it is now time to replace them. Find an alternative core belief that contradicts what you currently believe. For example, if you have the core belief “I am ugly” you might like to replace it with, “I am beautiful.” Or if your core belief is, “I am a loser” you might replace it with, “I am quirky.”
It’s important that you choose a core belief that you genuinely believe in. Beware of going over-the-top with your core belief (e.g., “I am rich and famous”). Instead, try to be realistic and down-to-earth. Affirmations can help in this step.
Read: 101+ Affirmations For Anxiety & Depression Sufferers »
7. Explore how your life will change with your new belief
How will your new core belief transform your life? Will it help you to be more joyful, confident, creative, or prosperous? Reflect on, or write down your thoughts. Go into as much detail as you like and take pleasure in visualizing the future.
8. If you don’t change your core beliefs, what will be the consequence?
It helps to keep in mind the natural consequences of continuing to cling to a toxic core belief. Not only will this help to motivate and keep you on track, but it will also help to reassert the true value of your journey.
9. Develop a plan of action
After identifying, challenging and replacing your core belief you need to have a plan of action in place. Ask yourself what you plan to do in the next month to constantly override your thinking patterns that are associated with your negative core belief.
For example, you might plan to remind yourself of three ways you are lovable every time your core belief “I don’t deserve to be loved” pops up. Some other ideas include:
- Keeping a journal where you record your progress
- Setting aside time every day in solitude to introspect
- Looking at yourself in the mirror every morning repeating your new healthy core belief sincerely
- Visualizing/hypnotizing yourself into a suggestible state that prepares your unconscious mind for change
The possibilities are limitless. And remember that it’s normal to slip-up or forget – just be gentle with yourself and keep persisting!
If you’re looking for a place to start, I recommend exploring mirror work and coupling this with an empowering affirmation (see step 6 above again).
***
As you walk the challenging, but deeply fulfilling path of uncovering your core beliefs, remember that some core beliefs are more persistent than others.
It’s common for some core beliefs to fluctuate with your emotion (pay attention to these) but also look out for those that emerge even when you aren’t feeling emotional (these are often the deeper, more serious core beliefs).
Replacing your core beliefs will take time and effort, but the rewards are endless and priceless. Increased self-esteem, creativity, productivity, prosperity, joy, fulfillment, and love are some of the many gifts you will receive throughout this journey.
Tell me, have you discovered any of your core beliefs? What are they? Feel free to share below. And also, if you benefited from this article, please share it with a loved one!
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Great article. Very helpful immediately. I found one of my toxic core beliefs right away. Will keep exploring your site.
You make excellent articles. They are real, effective, and true.
Thank you for your energy and wisdom
I am unlovable
I am worthless
I don’t matter
I am a mistake.
Currently working with a therapist on these beliefs (I am unlovable) with EMDR to reprocess memories associated with these beliefs. It’s hard and painful work, but I feel it has been working so far. The release I feel from my nervous system after reprocessing a memory is pretty fascinating. Thank you for your article so I can use your advice to do further work on my own, like journaling or telling myself positive words in the mirror.
This is deep work and it’s not easy. I think meditation is a profoundly powerful practice, as are cultivating patience, compassion and friendliness towards oneself. The above mentioned are not beliefs, they are practices. Granted, they take effort, commitment and perseverance. And a splash of trust and faith. Nothing worthwhile is going to be easy.
But what if your negative core beliefs about yourself have been proven true? What about when you Have tried to change or improve and it’s not possible? My negative core beliefs about myself are facts. That’s my problem.
I think an example might help to understand what kind of fact about ourselves isn’t changeable outside of physical traits and typological characteristics.
Our core beliefes make up our personality. Therefore changing our beliefs is the only way to change our personality. The problem is no one seems to know how to TRULLY change a negative belief just general “tips” and outlines of how the process SHOULD work.
However, advice like “replace a negative belief with a positive one” is basically the same as, “if you feel depressed just dont feel depressed”. It relies on sheer willpower which is completely ineffective at changing our subconscious mind.
For example, I have an intense self hatred over my shyness and insecurity. I know exactly the beliefs that cause this and how I got them. I can repeat positive affirmations all day and try to “question” my thoughts. Yet this changes absolutely nothing. The same thoughts and feelings arise in the same situations. I can fight them consciously but eventually it becomes exhausting.
True healing and change would eliminate the thoughts and feelings at their source. I wouldn’t feel them anymore if my mind was trully “reprogrammed”. Fighting yourself using conscious techniques is proof the core issues havent been resolved.
Like how are you supposed to establish a new “core belief” when you dont believe it?
For example how can I say to myself “i love my personality” when I actually hate my personality and have proof over a lifetime of how it has caused me pain?
And this gets deeper. I believe our personalities aren’t even our “real” selves. Its just the programming we recieved. Our true self is not the personality. But if we cannot be the people we want to be, if we cannot succesfully program ourselves at will, then we are nothing more than biological machines, organic AI without true consciousness.
I believe we are held prisoner by the minds we call our own because of how negatively it limits most of our lives and how incredibly difficult it is to change. I dont think our minds are designed to “protect” us or keep us “safe”. I feel they were deliberately designed to keep us trapped and prevent us from manifesting the true eternal spirit (whats some would call the higher self) which is pure joy, pure valor, pure will, pure action, pure confidence, pure strength, pure wisdom, pure honor.
But thats a story for another day. I understand your trying to help by putting articles like this out. But it seems people like me with very deep self-esteem issues aren’t helped by the traditional methods that seem to work for others. I suspect that this helps those who already have pretty a decent self-image and normal confidence.
I would highly recommend EMDR therapy, I’m still in the process of doing it, but have already noticed changes. It helps you change negative beliefs you have into something more positive by reprocessing painful memories.
Hi John, in my experience changing a belief happens when you truly and completely grieve and bear witness to the belief, a belief that you were forced to take on to survive and to know you had to take on this belief for your very survival which is an amazing thing we do as children in this silly system of unhealthy nurturance that we live under and as bad as it now seems, a very good coping strategy. We must preserve our caregivers as good, and most are sadly lacking, so we must become the bad one in order to thrive as a biological thing. But, we are so much more than that and can change our brains, with focused effort. Hearing it, allowing it and then knowing that it is not accurate belief creates a place for the change to occur, an empty space for truth to occur and grow from a tiny seed into the reality that it is. This is not an easy thing of course and is very painful as you know but with a combination of mindfulness practice, being the watcher and learning skills of self comfort and gentleness, which most of us never experienced, patience etc we can erode these false beliefs and allow the space we need and undo the self loathing ideas we had to form and build on. Btw I think shyness can be helpful in staying away from harm, seeing that most people don’t do this work and expend a lot of energy attempting to fill our “boat” of selfness with their toxic water and sink us rather than themselves. And feeling un-secure, unsafe, is of course the result of being unsafe. So learning what real safety is, and isn’t, can give you a place to start. We may be programmed to think mean liars are safe and it can be contrarily frightening to cultivate relationships with honest kind hearted folks, which sounds odd but is how bad programming works and we have to be aware of our own bad habits that developed these tendencies and work against them and that can feel weirdly and contrarily scary, when in fact its creating real safety. I think its a combination of self awareness and awareness that other people are very much trying to give us their pain, and another reason to grieve for humanity but also see that the difference we can make to ourselves is massive. We don’t know the effect we have when we do this work because its an unknown, we don’t like that. Anyway, just wanted to offer that, witness, watch, see, accept, grieve, know fear will come when you are doing good things, which is when you are going against a conditioned response. Over time your brain starts to get it.
Birth to age 8 molds our core beliefs. 1st holy communion is the age of completion. Jesuit said during the crusades, “Give me a child under age 8 and I will convert them to Catholocism for certain”. That’s what scares me about Disney. Walt was in some secret society of the occult. Like Alex Jones site. Info wars. Or is it mind control. Accept and dig deep to know those beliefs as they are forever ingrained. Generational karmic bloodline may have some cause why our parents fostered our core beliefs. Don’t really know if we can change them
Hey Michael,
I always remember that quote as well, my grandfather told me how much suffering he experienced as the hands of a Jesuit school. I don’t believe the Disney conspiracies, there’s a lot of misinformation out there and I’d have to be presented with some good evidence. Even then, Walt Disney the man (who is now dead) plays no part in Disney the company, and from what I’ve seen with some of their Pixar projects, they’re doing a great job at bringing back connection and awareness to important topics, especially for the young.
“Tell me, have you discovered any of your core beliefs? What are they?”
I am worthless.
The more people know about me, the more they will detest and shun me.
I will kill myself.
The world will be better without me.
This is a beautiful article. I keep sabotaging myself in all my relationships, and I’ve pushed everyone in my life away. The funny thing is I crave the very relationships I run away from. I’m so scared of coming undone, undoing all my progress on myself, but apart of me knows to heal I have to come undone. Thank you for this article. Your work inspires me every day. Thank you.
I didn’t know I was this troubled. I now know that I need help. My failed marriage and divorce did a number on me. I didn’t face my feelings, or emotions. I didn’t know how. I want to make changes, I want to be happy, and I want a better life no matter the obstacles. I don’t want to self inflect any more pain, or have suicidal thoughts.