They are charmingly unique, and captivating to be with…but there are still some things you are confused about when it comes to deciphering the strange habits and behaviours of your introverted love.
If you are an introvert yourself, you will already know and understand the rest of this article which focuses on dating an introvert. If you’re not an introvert however, read on to discover what exactly makes the introvert temperament wax and wane in relationships:
1. Spend a lot of “alone time” together”.
Introverts invest a lot of time, energy and attention into the few truly meaningful relationships they have. Unlike many couples with more extroverted temperaments who lavish their attention on many different people, juggling their time between friends, work mates and family – introverts prefer to center their full, undivided attention on one person at a time in their lives. This wholehearted approach to their relationships can easily overwhelm those on the receiving end who struggle with the intensity given by their introverted lovers.
If you ensure that you give as much wholehearted attention to them as they do to you, then your relationship can be the stuff of dreams, possessing a similar kind of intensity and strength as Romeo and Juliet, Layla and Majnun, and Tristan and Isolde had. If you neglect investing as much time and effort into your lover as they do to you, you may find that a number of things happen with your lover.
Firstly, they may become hurt, wondering why you’re not putting as much interest into them as they are to you constantly. Secondly, they may feel jealousy, wondering what is so important about your alternative interest that you should care more about spending time with it than with them. Thirdly, they may place more pressure on you to be with them more, resulting in your lover becoming more needy and clingy. Finally, they may become distant if you constantly neglect to invest the same level of time, energy and attention into them as they did to you. This could be the result of wanting to purposely give you the “silent treatment”, or because they feel naturally, as a consequence of your actions, dejected and rejected.
You are not required to spend 24/7 with your lover – remember, introverts need a lot of space as well. Just try to spend a lot of time meaningfully together. It’s very simple.
2. Give them alone time.
Don’t be taken aback if your lover at times is non-communicative, quiet and/or distant. Whether a voluntary or involuntary introvert by nature, all introverted types need their alone time, their silent space to absorb and process both the outside world and their own inside world. This could result in them shutting themselves away and painting or reading for instance, for a few hours every day.
As an introvert myself, I prefer silent bus and car trips where I can get lost in thoughts. Some even like long solitary walks, or sitting by themselves, seemingly doing nothing in the serenity of silence for hours. Ensure that you are aware of these behavioral patterns, and allow your lover the very space they need to thrive.
3. Don’t force them to be what they aren’t.
If you don’t have an introverted temperament, it’s very tempting to want your lover to change some of their more eccentric habits. It’s easy to become judgmental, just as society is, resulting in a lack of acceptance of this quiet breed. The key is to be mindful of what is truly part of their character, and what is not – i.e. what is a reaction.
For instance, are they avoidant of social situations because they genuinely are indifferent and uninterested in them? Or do they avoid social situations because they are reacting to the fear they have of people (which can be understood as shyness), or feel insecure around them for some particular reason? Once you understand what is a reaction and what is not, you will be able to explore these issues together. Just as your introverted lover can help you to grow as a person, so can you help your lover in their own self growth, and self-limiting beliefs, fears and habits they have developed.
4. The social cyanide situation.
This is perhaps the most obvious point when dating an introvert: try not to immerse yourself and your lover in too many social situations. Introverts hate being the center of attention, especially in the first blossoming stages of your relationship when you must introduce them to your friends and family. They also, in general, detest small talk, and the gossip and chatter of their more outgoing counterparts. Sure, they may suck it up for you, but as an important tip to dating an introvert – don’t try to familiarize your lover with other people. They will become friendly and sociable in their own time – and if they deem it worthy.
Also, it’s important to remember that many introverts dislike overly noisy and crowded places – so pubs, parties and clubs are the big poisoners of their once serene, quiet and intimate night with you. Try navigating towards activities which provide the two of you a lot of peace and intimacy. This could include, for example, some quiet time watching the stars, cycling or walking together, or a trip to a play at the theater.
All that is required is to use your imagination. The more time you spend alone together, in such simple and intimate ways, the stronger your connection and emotional binding will be together.
5. Avoid mind-reading.
Finally, remember that for many introverts communicating what they think and feel is not a naturally occurring skill. Many introvert types can neglect to reveal all that they think and feel simply because they have not had a lot of experience revealing so much about themselves, and also because communicating is something that does not always come easily anyway.
Remember to ask your lover how they are feeling or what they are thinking. If you resort to mind-reading you may misread them, or make the error of assuming what they are thinking and how they are feeling. By asking them to emerge from the very inner world that they often get lost in, you will get them into the habit of communicating with you more. This fundamental trick can help you to avoid many misunderstandings in your relationship. It has with mine.
You have reached the end of our Dating An Introvert saga.
For parts 1, 2 and 3, click the following links:
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