Growing up, I rarely saw my parents cry.
I’ve never once seen my father cry, and have only ever seen my mother cry a handful of times. But you know, I’m not alone in these observations. Many of you would have grown up with very stoic parents like myself, rarely seeing tears of joy or happiness emerge from their eyes.
But of what consequence is all of this? I’m writing this article because I’m on a quest, a quest to make crying something normal, commonplace and acceptable in my life.
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Whether because of parental, cultural or societal influence, crying has become something swept deftly “underneath the mat”. Crying, to many of us is uncomfortable, awkward and even embarrassing. It signifies physical weakness in men, and emotional fragility in women.
But what is the true weakness here? True weakness isn’t acknowledging your emotions by crying: it’s hiding from them.
Are You Emotionally Repressed?
“The saddest thing is that when you cry, I can hear that you’re still trying to repress your emotions”. These were the words of Sol, after a quiet, turbulent struggle with my emotions, resulting in hot tears and repressed sobs recently.
“Crying is what makes you human. But you’re building all of these emotions up until you explode … Promise me that you’ll cry more”. Feeling immensely relieved from the inner weight I was carrying in me, I agreed to try, every day. So what now? Now I’m trying to relearn how to cry. Now I’m trying to let my emotions flow freely, unrepressed and unhindered, because there’s nothing admirable about being an emotionally repressed person.
If anything, emotionally repressed people create the most strife in the world. Think of the effects that sexual repression has on people and society, and you’ll be given some idea of the havoc that unacknowledged feelings wreak. Even in my own relationships emotional repression has built many mounds out of molehills. Think: emotional and physical disconnection, moodiness, jealousy, and unnecessary drama over the smallest things.
But how can you tell whether you’re an emotionally repressed person who is out of touch with their feelings? Here are some clues:
- Difficulty in crying freely and easily.
- Difficulty in laughing heartily.
- Difficulty identifying emotions.
- Difficulty expressing how one feels.
- Difficulty opening up to people emotionally.
- Secrecy. Not sharing very much about your thoughts, opinions or feelings with others.
- Unexplainable moodiness, melancholy or glumness.
- Inability to express strong emotions like anger or sadness.
- Bottling emotions up inside and imploding.
If you share more than a couple of these traits, chances are that you’ve lost touch with your emotions by burying them away.
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The Importance of Letting it All Out
Question: Why are (most) Latino’s so vibrant and charismatic?
Answer: because they’re in touch with their emotions.
Whether it’s joy, gratitude, anger, sadness, love or lust, Latino cultures in particular know how to express themselves. Their raw, rustic and untamed connection with their bodies and hearts is exactly why I respect them so much.
Even the meek and respectful Japanese have their way of “letting it all out”. According to a recent article published in the UK Independent, Japanese businessmen and women have taken to attending sad, weepy movies just to shed a few tears. The Japanese call it the “crying boom”, signifying the rise in popularity of expressing emotions.
Trend or not, to acknowledge our feelings through crying is an intelligent way of living life. After all, why on earth would we have the ability to shed tears if it served no purpose? Crying, just like laughing, is essential for our well being. But how can we laugh when we’re so jam-packed full of dark and miserable emotions?
We need to learn how to cry before we learn how to laugh. You can’t laugh away your negative emotions. They’re still going to be there, underneath, even if they are diluted.
Crying is natures way of relieving our ‘tensions’ and our burdens. It doesn’t make our problems disappear, no. But it helps us to deal with our problems in a more level-headed way. In essence, crying helps us to live more lively and self-understanding lives.
It’s essential to acknowledge and express our emotions when learning how to reconnect with our souls.
Whether you’re male or female, young or old, I encourage you to put on a sad movie today … and let it all out.
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Btw, how can you teach yourself to cry? Is it possible to forget how to cry? If so, how can I cry? People say I don’t cry like I should/enough? Or get angry enough or even talk about my pain. How can I do that sfter I’ve practically trained myself not to? Also how can I retrain my thinking after finding out my entire belief system was a lie?? I can see colors, mirrors shake and clear like vibrations? But I can’t involve. Why can’t I be a dreamer and why can’t I see them fully or join them in involvement??
I really appreciate you guys for helping me. I really wish I knew who I was but I have a feeling if I uttered a word of what was happening, no one would believe me. I feel energy/essence?? But I can’t see anyone. There is a person/people who are helping me, but I don’t really know him/them like I want to. This is pretty much all me, but I don’t exactly want to repress anything anymore. I have a feeling if I can open myeelf up more and get over my insecurities and fear of the past ( whatever it might be ) I can understand this person ( and people ) and possibly fix a broken heart and a person who says they love me, but shouldn’t. Can you tell me how to open up to this person more? I want to know more about them, but I feel that I’m being left in the dsrk and treated like a child all the damn time. How can I get them to open up so I can understand how to handle being an empath now that I know exactly why I am the way I am and why I always… Read more »
Rock music, intense concerts, screaming and jumping, singing at the top of your lungs to your favorite songs works too ;)
I don’t know if this article is still being watched by the author’s or not, but I do have something I need help with. *sighs* I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my father from when I was 5, up until I was 15. My parents had shared custody, and I stayed with my dad because my mom couldn’t afford to keep me while trying to pay for housing for her and my grandma (who now lives with us again). She was allowed to come and see me on the weekends, and often times could take me out to dinner on Wednesdays. My life with my dad was much like hell… if hell has 7 layers, I was on the 14th. When it came to physical abuse, it was anywhere from punching me in the stomach then kicking me when I was down (fracturing a rib in the process, which went untreated), to holding me off the ground by my throat, to just normal spankings, only using a wooden plank about two feet long, about 4 inches wide(maybe longer, it was a long time ago), and about 1.5 inches thick. The mental abuse, while some might say is normal….… Read more »
I have been through a lot of psychical and sexual trauma growing up when I was 12-13. I am now 26 and have held all my emotions and pain in for so long where I have come to the point where I can’t cry anymore 13 years later after all the abuse & trauma I still can’t cry. Anyone who has any ideas or ways to help me let out my emotions so I can cry again and let all this pain finally go.
Crying is good for headaches too.
I like your articles, but can’t help but feel they seem to focus on negative things, rather than positive. My 2 cents. I just prefer happy, positively focused things. I.e., “How to Be an Emotionally Whole Person” instead of how to stop feeling like this picture of the girl, which I most certainly do not. My two cents.
I thought I already cried a lot before I found this article. Now that I think about it I only cry maybe three times a month. I never see anyone else in my family cry, except for when it’s socially acceptable like at funerals or celebrations. Any time I do cry, it feels like I’m unleashing an angry beast. I will work on letting my feelings out more.
Recently I’ve been told that I’ve cried too much. it really hurts because I’ve been through a lot of stuff in my life that the people I’m around know about but yet they still judge me. It’s even gone so far that one of my friends mother and father talked behind my back to my friend about me crying and said how it wasn’t right. I don’t think I’m really sure what I should do. should I embrace my crying , or just run to the bathroom hide my self and cry.
magnificent post, very informative. I ponder why the opposite specialists of
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