What is it about narcissists that is so irresistibly attractive?
Like moths drawn to flames, us empaths seem to have a penchant for flying head-first into dangerous friendships and soul-sucking relationships that leave us feeling exhausted and unhinged. And yet, over and over again many of us fall into the same trap, often missing the vital life lessons being presented.
Almost every week Sol and I receive emails inquiring about the dynamic between empaths and narcissists. Having been burned by a number of different types of narcissists myself, I know just how easy it is to fall into the heavy gravitational pull of such people. Like black holes, narcissists eat away at your emotions, physical health, and sanity, profoundly manipulating and messing up your perceptions and sensibilities.
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Why is it that empaths and narcissists – two diametrically opposed types of people – feel an almost magnetic pull towards each other? There are many theories, but at the heart of it, I believe that it is Life’s way of restoring balance.
For example, let’s examine your typical empath. By nature empaths are deeply caring, compassionate people. The empath’s purpose in life is to support healing in others, yet due to their intense sensitivity, empaths often struggle to create healthy boundaries for themselves, giving in to martyrdom, victimhood, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice. Now, let’s examine your typical narcissist. Due to various traumas, core wounds and conditionings, narcissists hide behind an idealized self-image which is expressed as being highly charming and attractive, yet deeply uncaring, indifferent, self-centered and cruel. Put empaths and narcissists together? Both come in contact with their “inverted/reverse” selves, and both are forced to learn, grow and heal as a result of such an experience (although this doesn’t always happen immediately, but through trial and error). However, it is important for empaths to realize that they can never “heal” the narcissists in their lives – any form of healing must originate within narcissist’s themselves.
4 Types of Narcissists All Empaths Should Look Out For
So many articles out there talk about “protecting” yourself from narcissists. Unfortunately, this language promotes the disempowering notion that “other people are out to get you.” They’re not. People act within the limits of their conscious capacity, and sometimes that involves hurting others. The more you perceive yourself as a “victim” of narcissists/narcissism, the less capable you’ll be of truly owning your personal power as an empath.
A big part of owning this personal power of yours is learning how to identify different types of narcissists. The more conscious you are of them, the more consciously you’ll be able to behave and make decisions in their presence.
Main Types
Interestingly there are actually two main types of narcissists:
Vulnerable Narcissists (VN’s)
These people are generally very sensitive and tend to be quiet or shy by nature. Yet to disguise their chronic feelings of self-loathing and unworthiness, VN’s overcompensate by putting on a grandiose mask, seeking to merge their identities with other idealized people. VN’s have an unshakeable need to feel special about themselves and have little genuine regard for the feelings of others. VN’s are primarily motivated by fear of rejection and abandonment, thus don’t have the capacity to authentically love and care for others. Additionally, VN’s use emotional manipulation (such as shaming, guilt-tripping and gaslighting) to secure sympathy and attention from others. Their lives are fuelled by inferiority complexes which often stem from childhood mistreatment.
Invulnerable Narcissists (IN’s)
These people reflect the traditional image of the narcissist: that of a highly self-confident person, cold and unempathetic person. IN’s, unlike VN’s, are thick-skinned and shamelessly seek for power, glory, recognition, and pleasure. IN’s often suffer from god complexes, believing themselves to be far superior to everyone else – and they have a pathological need to make that known.
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Both types share similar traits such as using others to fuel their narcissistic delusions, blaming and criticizing, lack of empathy, unfaithfulness and the need for power.
Subtypes
Both Vulnerable and Invulnerable Narcissistic personality types can be split down into the following (unofficial) subtypes. Be aware that many of these subtypes can overlap with each other:
The Amorous Narcissist
Amorous Narcissists measure their self-worth and grandiosity by how many sexual conquests they have under their belt. This type of person is known for using his/her charm to ensnare others with flattery and gifts, but then quickly disposing of them once they become “boring” and when they have met the narcissists needs (often sexual or image/status orientated). Amorous Narcissists are the ultimate relationship con artists, “gold diggers” and heart-breakers. At first glance, they appear highly attractive, alluring and amiable, but underneath they are only out to please and satiate their own needs and desires.
The Compensatory Narcissist
Driven to compensate for past traumas, Compensatory Narcissists love creating larger-than-life illusions of themselves and their achievements. In order to regain power and control over their lives, this type of narcissist usually hunts out emotionally vulnerable people who will serve as the audience to their fabricated stage acts. In reality, this type of narcissist is extremely sensitive to criticism and will frequently look out for negative self-directed cues from others. Emotional abuse and manipulation is a common method of control used by this type.
The Elitist Narcissist
This breed of person does anything to climb to the “top,” win and completely dominate others. Elitist narcissists are convinced that they are better than everyone else often due to their achievements or backgrounds (or simply the fact that they were born that way) and thus deserve special treatment. Their sense of entitlement bleeds into every area of life, from work to the family environment. Harboring a severely inflated ego, Elitist narcissists are skilled self-promoters, braggers, and one-uppers. They have a cut-throat need to be the “best” and prove themselves to be intellectually superior all the time and at all costs.
The Malignant Narcissist
The behavior of malignant narcissists often overlaps with that of psychopaths and those with antisocial personality disorder. Malignant narcissists often have no regard or interest in moral vs. immoral behavior and don’t feel remorse for their actions. This subgroup is characterized by an arrogant and inflated sense of self-worth that delights in “outsmarting” others. This type of narcissist can often be found in prisons, gangs, and drug rehabilitation centers, although many manage to run afoul of the law.
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Now that you have read through the different “flavors” of narcissism you might be thinking, “what next?”
The most powerful way to regain your personal power as an empath in the face of narcissism is learning how to respect your needs, desires, and boundaries. Often this involves severing contact with such people. I recommend reading our article on how to love yourself more for further direction.
More In-Depth Help
If you would like to know more about narcissists and empaths, check out our book Awakened Empath which provides in-depth guidance:
There are so many empaths out there currently struggling to catch a breath of air in the large murky ocean of narcissism saturating their lives. If you are one of these people, I hope that this article can be a starting place to help heal your life. You’re also invited to unload your experiences in the comments area (rants and emotional catharsis encouraged).
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Well, this is going to be kind of odd. Most of the commenters on here are grown adults. I’m only 16. I received this site from my mother after going out tonight with a guy I’ve known for almost two years now. She’s a little worried about me. So is the rest of my family and the last few friends I have. I’ve lost a lot over this guy, not saying it was his fault, but I definitely wasn’t this messed up before I met him. I’ve really been through a lot in the past two years, not only with this guy. I’ve met a lot of shitty people and through trial and error I’ve learned that you can’t always let everyone into your life, no matter how horrible their sob story is. I’ve always loved helping people and I know I always will. But lately it’s been getting out of hand. I’ve had way too many life-suckers (that’s what my dad calls them) in my life. This one boy especially. He’s put me through a lot. We’ve both put each other through a lot. I know this sounds stupid but I’ve loved this boy since the first time we met up at the park when we were only 14. And yes, call me young and naive. I know I am. And I know love at first sight doesn’t exist but I don’t know how else to describe what happened between us. He became my everything. My entire world. Without him…I was nothing. Everything felt like sand, like, how it just falls through your fingers when you pick it up in your hand. Sand. Everything was sand. My life slipped through my fingers when he wasn’t around. I thought he loved me too. That’s what he said and I’ll always let myself believe that because I don’t want to believe that he lied to me. A 14 year old boy manipulated me? I refuse to believe it but that’s what everyone else says. Has said since we first kind of came out as a thing. Anyway, we’ve never really dated. It’s always been sex and more than friends but never a relationship. And that’s my fault. I thought my parents would never approve of him so I tried keeping him a secret. How stupid. I was so stupid. Freshman year of high school hit pretty quick and all Hell broke loose. Toward the end of the year I found out he had slept with my best friend multiple times behind my back. That was…painful. So so very painful. But of course I forgave them and that brings us to now. But I’ll just give some more context before I get to the juicy crap. Sophomore year he fell for another girl, which was expected but god did that hurt. I had to leave. I couldn’t stay friends with him like he wanted and watch him fall out of love with me and in love with her. So I vanished. We didn’t talk for a while. I wanted to die almost everyday but life did get better. The pain became numbness and the numbness started to dissipate into real feeling. I started to be okay. And then he came back. He said that she left him and he was lonely. Now we’re getting to the juicy part. Long story short, he used me. For sex. So he wouldn’t be alone. Whatever. It was so painful when he revealed that to me and it hurt even worse when he told me he hadn’t loved me for a while. I had about lost it by then. I left again. But this time I didn’t get better. I only got worse. And he came back again, like he always does. I have no idea what we are right now. I know he doesn’t love me and he knows that I’m still crazy in love with him. He drives me insane. He even got my best friend pregnant. So yeah that added to whatever the hell he does to me…I’m surprised I’m even still here to be honest. The break downs I’ve had over this stupid boy are just insane. I cant live without him. I can’t. It’s not like he’s cruel anymore. He used to be cruel over the phone. But now he’s sweet. What the hell is that? I got used to his cruelty and now he’s acting like nothing ever happened? When we’re together, he sings to me, he kisses me, he tucks my hair behind my ear, and holds me, he cuddles with me, he makes me laugh until tears are rolling down my cheeks and my face hurts from smiling….what do I do? He makes me feel like this and then he breaks me. I’m lost. I’ve just accepted at this point that this is what I have to live with. The only reason I’m commenting is because I’ve had tons of people say he’s a narcissist. Is he? Is that a bad thing? What can I do to help him? Because he does want help. He has a lot of issues. The hate and disgust he feels for himself is what leads me to believe that he’s not a narcissist. I have no idea. I just want to be okay and I want him to be okay.
Your reply brought me to tears. Your story is mine to the letter except it’s been 5 years. I wish I knew what to tell you because I need to know myself. Lots of love. Good luck.
That’s definitely not a healthy relationship. I’ll be bunt but get out of there as soon as you can. Trust your parent, they love you. This guy will never change and you cannot help him, sorry. He will love-bomb you then make you miserable. You’ll have less and less friend, then a lot of conflict with your family too. You’ll feel so alone and vulnerable, he will become all the world for you. Is that what you want ?
To put it another way, even if you want him to be okay, you need to be ok too. Take care of you first. Imagine yourself in a airplane, in case of emergency they tell to take the oxygen mask for you first then help the person beside you. How can you save somebody from drowning if you cannot swim ? You get off the water and get somebody else to the rescue.
Your lived a lot and your story break my heart. Be careful and learn to become a whole person without him.
I am now 25, suffered by the hand of narcissistic parenting and family relationships. It took me 8 years of trauma from dating abusive evil lying men and studying narcissism to really look deep within myself and turn my life around. We are so blessed to have the technology we have today and be able to learn about these disorders. I say don’t hate your parents for their wrongdoings because after all, even the bible mentions that things like this can be generational. Meaning a narc parent raises kids into more narcs or empaths & codependents, doomed to suffer by the hand of more narcs and cause more emotional trauma. In this day and age I thank God for allowing me to heal and giving me tools to come to terms with my life and issues. If you are around my age I’m sure your parent didn’t know better when they raised you. Some people aren’t ready to be parents and probably have no business being parents but we all deserve a chance to live life even if it isn’t a perfect one. God promises to help and wipe our tears away one day, he promises hope beyond the curse of death. I can say a big part of my healing came from studying my bible and allowing God to speak to me and change my heart. He was also able to change my mom’s heart after her whole life being a struggle and taking it out on me, she has changed for the better. Many therapists claim it is rare or even impossible for a narcissist to change but nothing is too big for God. The big thing is that you need to realize it is not your job to change a romantic partner or your family member or friend. No matter how much you love them and avoid their flaws, if a person has no true sense of self then you’re only trying to find depth in a shallow puddle. Wasting your time essentially. So please seek your own healing and cut off toxic people from your life, please find your self worth and don’t let people walk all over you. Please learn to set boundaries and stop leaving yourself open to narcissistic abuse because you do have power over what you allow. You are part of the issue and when you realize that then you can start healing. Thank God I realized this all while my kids are super young and I can raise them properly because I had the ready available education and resources to ensure I don’t continue the generational curse of narcissism.
Thank you so much. Reading this was so helpful. Sending Love and Light to you… I am 28 years old and am an Empath from a codependent, narcissistic, enmeshed family. I am realizing the trauma that has seeped into my adulthood, and am healing. I look will look inward and find the Divine, God, Love. Thank you, have a beautiful day. <3
Christina, you are very wise for a 25 yr old. I hope your words have connected with others like they did with me.
I have a narcissist in my life. I adore him when he is seemingly the greatest guy on the planet but will tell everyone how humble he is. In my mind, I am thinking humble people don’t go around telling everyone how humble they are. He will not ever take responsibility for his actions unless it makes him look good in front of my daughter whom he adores. Or anyone who may be watching that counts. On a rare occasion, he will seemingly want to make up but he won’t say i am sorry, just initiate sex somehow. Now that i’ve read some more on behaviors it makes sense. It gratifies him too so It works still to his bennifit because I wont say no. I enjoy him. I see now that is something I will have to accept. Now on rare occasion he had actually said I am sorry but most of the time he will find a way to turn my hurt feelings around and make it seem as though I am manipulating him somehow and paint that picture to his mother. He’ll become petty, if he needs help he will purposely ask others in front of me as if I wont help him because he makes it seem like i am the bad guy withholding my help from him which is far from the truth. I am always finding myself doing everything in my power to apologize even if I am not in the wrong. I will still cook, clean and try to tend to his needs to create peace but that never goes well. Its not until I completely let go and just allow my self to be in pain that he’ll then rescue me. I can not be the one who initiates the resumed intimacy of any nature. It must be him. Then he brags about how he won me over. Its quite exhausting at times. I feel as these emotions and I cant even share how I feel with him emotionally. He finds a way to somehow make me feel inferior to him. I am most of the time able to stand my ground with him and maintain my self-worth but its hard and I often have to self evaluate myself and remind my self I am worthy, good enough, pretty enough, and its not my fault, state the facts and allow prayer and silence to be my countenance.
Now he is talking to me and wants to eat and have wine. God help me. I just wait it out. Allow him to chill and think and I dont show fear or tear. Vey hard to do. Took lots of life pain and hurts from my past to accomplish, along with prayer.
I Just wanted to say that I relate to what you’re going through. As I read your post, so much of it sounded so familiar. It is not easy. I am currently struggling with making a decision as to whether to stay or go but we have two amazing young kids. Interestingly, he is a great dad, caring and kind but not to me. It’s crazy how he can go from that to mean and condescending to me within seconds.
I’m not sure about the validity of this article. From what I know about empaths, we are very skilled at reading people. I personally can spot a narcissist 10 miles away. I thought that was a characteristic of empaths, so why this article. Am I off base?
Empaths are skilled at sensing emotions and feelings, skilled at feeling what others are feeling. Not every empath is quick to label somebody as a narcissist. We just understand their past causes them to act out, and generally tend to feel sorry for them, even when they don’t usually deserve it and should be held accountable for their abusive behaviors. It took years of trauma for me to learn to spot a narcissist. As an empath we are giving and nurturing and I wasted years giving and nurturing to narcissists who were drawn to me because they knew I am somebody willing to give and they are people only ever looking to take. Being an empath doesn’t make you a good judge of character unfortunately it usually makes you easier to be taken advantage of. “Reading people” isn’t necessarily a trait of an empath. Actually narcissists are experts at reading people and creating a self image to suit their needs and take advantage of others.
I love that you were brave enough to write this article. It is true that most people have this misbelief that to be an empath means you care more about others.
Being an empath in the way most think of it in layman’s terms, is a description of psychic/spiritual ability. Most of us have or have had narcissistic traits at various levels in our adulthood. Narcissism is simply child ego formed viewpoints inside an adult body. Psychic abilities manifest as a separate process from ego formation. In short, I have found that psychic/empathic abilities only represent our overall soul level of maturity. Narcissism and all other diagnosis from a psychiatric viewpoint, are indicators of the state of our current consciousness.
I was able to completely relate to your description of sensing others feelings, thoughts, beliefs but your reaction was to project, be angry or withdraw – I did all those things too as do all of us to varying degrees.
I was extremely stuck as long as I held the ideological viewpoint that because I felt others feelings I had the same level of compassion. I had little compassion as a result of past life beliefs accumulated (karma) and current childhood traumas and the resulting defensive patterns. It’s amazing the levels the ego can go to to justify its unloving.
The biggest shift in myself came in letting go of the belief of nice equals good. True compassion can only come from 100% unconditional love, and that doesn’t always mean crying when someone else is crying.
Namaste
THANK YOU. Namaste.
I would love some advice…it seems I am dealing with exactly this problem of being actually engaged to a narcissist who doesnt even minorly tolerate being told he might possibly be one. I don’t know what to do anymore, he seems to only hate me and seems to only be infuriated by my existance in his life. He says he loves me and we have a kid together so I want to make this work. Is it even possible? Or is this doomed to end?
Hi Brooklyn
I just left my narcissist boyfriend of 3 years. I did a lot of research online about this personality disorder and this will help you to decide one what kind of personality disorder he has beings there are different types of narcissism. You can not heal or change them if one: they deny they have a problem thus making it very difficult to stay in a healthy relationship. Please do your research as you can see after 2 months I’m still researching.
Knowledge is power and you need to know your worth and let no one treat you bad or disrespect you in any way shape or form.
I pray for you and do your research and you will see.
Wow! I feel this way with my husband- like he hates me. He gets annoyed at me for everything so often, seems so angry, and seems to barely tolerate me. We have two young children together and he is so good to the kids, just not to me. He told me on two occasions that I annoy him most of the time-so hurtful, you don’t forget that. How arrogant and mean. I told him once that he said this to me twice and how hurtful it was and he never even apologized or seemed effected by it. I’m now struggling with what to do. We’ve been married 8 long years and together 12. The past month has been worse seeing his disdain and annoyance toward me daily- so much repressed anger. I used to take it so personally but now I just think oh F -U in my head and know it’s his issues. Still, not ok! My advice is not to marry this man. Tell him that you insist he see a therapist to work on his anger issues and talk through his sh-t if you choose to stay with him.
My ex was self sacrifice dan martyrdom. She lack of attention. Prove and validation. She nurtured me so well. Does she an empath too?
I identified my self little bit self martyrdom. Narcissist.
I very much appreciate your work here. It is always refreshing to see different takes on the narcissist and empath connection. Being raised in a narcissistic environment while being highly empathic, I created a system of functioning on a lower wavelength to survive.
What I am having trouble digesting in the above writing is where you speak of the malignant narcissist being found in prisons and drug rehabs. Being a person in recovery AND taking that recovery to women’s detention centers (where the majority is of those born and raised in lower socioeconomic environments), I feel that this view is uninformed and dangerous. From my experience, I can tell you that empaths line the walls of recovery rooms. The compensatory state of the traumatized empath ( and the general population- quite frankly) are various states of narcissistic behavior-being One-up. This is the nature of the ego, yes? I feel that it is incredibly dangerous and damaging to label humans as one or the other when trauma is present. It is also my experience that MOST humans have trauma, and certainly those in prisons and rehabs (all forms-not just drugs). Isnt narcissism, like any mental illness, on a continuum? Do you not see versions of all of these states in various forms in the human condition? Some interesting pieces that I have found helpful personally to stay out of the dangers of divisive ‘versus’ thinking ( which I believe that you are trying to dismantle here on some level in the pursuit of dissolving the predator/victim stances)- Alanis Morrisette with Nina Brown ( Alanis’podcast)on the fluid nature of narcassism and looking at it without shaming oneself or others. Also amazing work on many levels, which I am thinking that you may be interested in( if you don’t already follow) is Dr Gabor Mate. He is also interviewed by Alanis but specifically his book In The Realm of the Hungry Ghost. Dr Mate has worked in addiction and in trauma and is a fascinating leader in these fields. His work in Compassionate Inquiry is groundbreaking as well. I have not read more of your work here YET but definitely will. I appreciate your endeavor and wisdom in this journey that we are all on.
I’m having a heck of a time trying to figure something out. Or, someone , I should say. He is charming. He is successful, he is generous, he is frugal, he is well mannered, he works hard, he doesn’t go to bars, watch porn, or act like a pig. He is predictable, calculated, methodical, extremely analytical, he is in a leadership role within his job, hes a former navy seal, hes modest, hes pretty simple, he is an engineer, his appearance and his house and surroundings always tidy. He is always on schedule. He doesn’t ask people for help. He doesn’t show affection hardly ever. Hes a good listener. He never loses an argument. Hes not a screaming type of person, his speech is always though out and calm, calculated, he gets uncomfortable if he thinks hes being critisized. He is very knowledgeable and wise even. .. I thought he was my soul mate, I call him the 8th wonder of the universe. I thought he did love me ” beyond measure” as he said he did. But now, he is just severing me out of his life. Is he a narcissist? I read that narcissists are messy, indecisive, etc. Not him. Hes very well organized and is never late. He also is not an outwardly one upper type of boastful person. He is very private. He has absolutly in the most unassuming, blameless and shameless way, been the cruelest, yet kindest human being I’ve ever met. And he is absolutly smashing my heart and mind, my soul, to smithereens. Please help me figure out what the psychological disorder may be within this individual, so I can try to accept the heartache as impersonal to me, and let go of all the sadness and loss and confusion I feel. I’m dying.
He could be an INFJ. They are totally contradictory in behavior and can doorslam you really hard if you upset them. They just cut you out of their life if you have done anything to make them feel bad. But that is just a theory in your case. Could be something else.
I think he might be an infj or intj. I’m an infj. He may have got spooked by some behavior of yours or something that he perceived to be a red flag and door slammed you. He should give you a reason though. Was there anything he kept mentioning? Maybe a pet or something like that? Something he requested and you couldn’t budge on it? It’ll be okay. Heartache sucks and for some crazy reason we infjs can detach hard and fast when we do.
Oh my gosh you have just described my ex!! He too was in the military (so he says) he knew exactly what to say to get me head over heels for him. We had dated many years ago, I was his first girlfriend. Anyway I spent money on a wedding dress, made arrangements towards getting married and the entire time he was messing with my head and my emotions. In his eyes he was this knight in shining armour rescuing me (which I too believed.. at first). Then after the umpteenth time of him walking out and me being distraught I started to realise that this wasn’t normal. I realised the damage he’d done to my self esteem, self worth and luckily came accross a YouTube clip that described him perfectly.. Narcissist!!! I’ve known for a long time I have the sometimes exhausting traits of an empath but I’d never heard of a narcissist before!! Even now after over a year of separation he won’t leave me alone! I get emails asking for my help (he’s in a custody battle over his son, am thinking his sons better off with his mother!) I used to write his court letters etc for him so he uses that as an excuse to keep contact. He tried to manipulate me the other day so I called him on it, he said he’d met someone so could no longer talk to me. I wished him luck and said it was ok as I have a boyfriend. Oh my gosh!! Wasn’t expecting what came next!!! I would love to share the awful emails I received after but they are too disgusting to put up on here (he’s blocked on my phone so we can only communicate via email). He put me down in every way u can imagine, the most hurtful things anyone has ever said. I told him to leave me alone or I’d contact the police (he was quite threatening). I thought it was over.,. This morning I received another email saying he knew I was lying about seeing someone but I shouldn’t have lied as it hurt him, how he had to go through this and that and if he’d ended his life it would have been my fault!! Also slipped in that he didn’t mean anything he’d said but I should understand how he felt!!! Seriously, after a year of dealing with his **** and another year of him still in the background, I’m done!!!! What I want to say from all this (other than having a rant), is that if he is a narcissist and anything like my ex then u had a very lucky escape!! I know it doesn’t feel like that now (I had a bit of a breakdown at one point when he walked out) But in time u will start to realise different ways he may have been manipulating u, using u or other and u will start to heal and realise how much better off u are. But yes it takes time, sometimes more than we like to think. Anyway, good luck and I’m rooting for u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I was lucky enough to escape more than his psychotic and sociopathic abuse. I dated a military vet for about 10 months only to find out that he was living a double life. While enjoying and living out his sexual fetishes with men on a daily basis I was his front for his so called straight sexuality he claims he is. At first it was the other fronts he was contacting as he has several he remains in contact with for this very reason, so if one leaves him he always replaces her with another immediately. He is a predator who preys on women of all kinds. He was very charming, caring and loved portraying he was the best thing you’d ever have. He reeled me in by using his only daughter whom he only gets when he wants to use her against the women he abuses. I fell for him because finally I met a father who would treat a partner like he would want his daughter to be treated. Not the case, she is only his pawn and it saddens me that she has to continue going through all the women he victimizes into believing he’s this great guy but is truly 50 shades on the dark side of his addictions. It wasn’t until I confronted him about his contacting other women that I began to see his darker sides. I gave in each time I left and returned to him truly believing that he would change and that he really did love me. Not the case, things only got worse. I began to become even more suspicious of his actions and started to investigate those gut feelings. I found more than I bargained for and opened a door I’m still regretting. Emails, text messages, photos, gay websites (several) that he continues to Blair on his ex’s all of them he claims dominated him into forcing to have sex with men because that’s what they were into. Which is so far from the truth that he has convinced himself in to believing that he has no addictions and nothing is ever his fault. I mean I’m not judging his sexuality choices but, he subjected me into his web of deceits and has no remorse for what he has done to me. I immediately left him without approaching him with my findings. Because, I knew the continued cycle we created that he would some how convince me that he was the victim in the end and I just couldn’t take the chance. I left and never looked back. He on the other hand has sent me several messages via FB messenger, phone, my work email and mutual friends. I had to get a protection order and charge him with harassment, yet he continues. I’m beginning to believe that the Protection Order is protecting him more than it is me. Where there’s will there’s a way in his mind. And he truly believes 100% that I will still come back to. It’s been 7 weeks, not nearly enough time for healing. But, with my faith in god and strong willed person that I am and the continued support from friends and family that I will get through this. I guess my “rant” is basically to say to those in the same situation is to please just get out now and do all the necessary steps to separate from this toxic person by all means possible before it is too late. He claimed he tried killing him self Easter Sunday because he lost the best thing to ever happen to him. Lies all lies, he was with another girl younger of course and prettier in his eyes than myself the very next day after I left him at a local bar. And as for Easter Sunday he claimed to be trying to kill himself over me he was indulging himself in his man to man sexual addictions and I saw the young male leaving his home the very next morning. He’s a sick individual with no intentions on ever regretting what he does to anyone he comes in contact with. I made it out but it isn’t yet over for him as he will continue to torment me into believing I was the love of his life. I will continue to remain positive in hopes that he will 100% move on and leave me alone.
I’m a empath and my mom is a severe narcissist and has lached onto me since I was about 16 and I’m 27 now… Worse off all she has my grandparents in her grip n its so tight that if my grandma even buys me a piece of gum she hids it from my mom n gets stressed about her finding out… My mom works hard to make my life hell I try to stay away from her as much as possible but sometimes i have to be around her and its so draining n hard… Also the better I do in life and and the happier I am the worse she is… Just wanted to share my story so if anyone is going through this ur not alone…
Hi first off I am sorry you have to go through this, I can definitely relate. Parents are supposed to be loving and warm, so we can be raised with confidence and become proper adults. I can tell you that you need to stop contacting your mom, at least for a while so you can worry about getting your life together. You may want to take therapy or watch youtube videos on narcissism. It helps a lot, I suffered the worst of the effects of being raised by narcissistic parenting and being turned codependent & into an empath that dated horrible abusive men. It took me 8 years to finally pick myself up and learn my worth, so I don’t tolerate any toxic people anymore. As for my mother and I we both believe in God. During the one of many periods of me cutting contact with her, she realized her wrongs and allowed God to change her heart. I was also seeking God and studying my bible and my whole life has turned around. God wants us to live in peace, and that means forgiving but also learning to stay away from toxic people. I say there is hope for your mother to improve one day but only by the grace of God and only by her own choosing, there is nothing you can say or do to her to make her change. The only thing you can do is STOP REACTING to her, stop giving her an emotional reaction to her crazy behavior. That’s what they want, to steal your energy and feel powerful. It also sounds like your grandma is enabling her behavior as well, but unfortunately you can’t help others to realize the error of their ways. You can only work on yourself first and if it means moving away and being independent from your toxic family members then you need to go do it. I wish you healing and the best.