When we were young it was cute when we threw tantrums.
People would coo at us, maybe even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while.”
Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
As we grew older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show consideration for others. Some of us, however, didn’t.
We’d continue throwing tantrums but in more mature and sophisticated ways.
We’d continue to demand our fair share from others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the floor crying.
And lastly, we’d continue to expect special treatment just because … well, because it’s us and we deserve it – naturally!
Well here’s the thing … we’ve all got to grow up at some point. We’ve all got to realize that we’re not the center of the universe.
As a prevalent collective shadow in this world, we need to be willing to face this flaw with courage in order to grow as people and connect more from the heart with others.
Table of contents
Me! Me! Me!
Having a sense of entitlement can easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy.
After all, don’t our parents and societies constantly tell us that “we’re unique,” “we’re special,” and “we’re number one”?
The truth is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of self-love because it often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long term.
What Does Having a “Sense of Entitlement” Mean?
In essence, a sense of entitlement is formed and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe, and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break loose.
This narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and young adults that we are not at the center of the universe, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants.
Examples of Entitled Behaviors
Some typical examples of entitled behavior include the following:
- Tim and Estelle are in a long-term relationship. Tim works full-time to support Estelle and their child in a small two-bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life,” and Tim never treats her anyway.
- Antonio shows up unexpectedly at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive a bed and a meal. When his mother refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
- Katie and Xiang are best friends. But when Katie doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her and doesn’t talk to her for the next week. Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting about her.”
- Alex and Ben are a gay couple who are about to get married. While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be extravagant and expensive. Meeting with the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from $5,000 to $20,000. When Ben finds out he demands angrily why. Alex says that he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going through with it.
These are only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that exemplify both a passive and aggressive disregard for others.
Self-Growth & Shadow Work
We all contain a little bit of a sense of entitlement. Let’s face it, it’s part of having an ego and being human!
However, unfortunately, this trait is one of those sneaky little shadows that we often aren’t aware of within ourselves and others – before it’s too late!
This website is about helping you to be honest with yourself, do a little soul searching, and evolve on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
If you’ve come to this page because you’re enraged at someone who exhibits signs of entitlement, pause to reflect for a moment …
… what makes you so angry at this entitled person?
And might you have displayed the same behaviors in the past?
Let’s be real here. None of us are perfect. We’re not excusing another person’s behavior here. Instead, we’re trying to regain a sense of self-empowerment.
Shadow work helps us to reclaim our projections and not be controlled by habits such as hatred and self-absorption.
We’ll explore shadow work a little more later.
15 Sense of Entitlement Symptoms
By now you may be wondering: do I (or does someone else I know) have a sense of entitlement?
Like anything in life, there is a spectrum, and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes other people’s lives hard.
Here are some common sense of entitlement signs:
1. Imposing unrealistic demands on family, children, friends, acquaintances, lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. Tendency to feel sorry for oneself if things don’t work out the way one wants (self-pity) and openly advertising this in a melodramatic, attention-seeking way.
3. Being called by others names such as “bully,” “manipulative,” “ruthless,” “egotistical,” “vain,” or “liar.”
4. The belief that one deserves happiness and has to go to great, sometimes extreme lengths to ensure that happens, usually at the expense of others.
5. Punishing people when they don’t do what one wants either passively (e.g., silent treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g., shouting, verbally/physically abusing).
6. Constantly seeing other people as competition or “threats.”
7. Tendency to exhibit many double-standards in the way one behaves/interacts with other people, e.g., I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t; I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t to ME.
8. Tendency to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
9. Tendency to look out for oneself and one’s needs and desires more than anyone else 100% of the time.
10. Having a hard time negotiating or compromising.
11. Having a deep-seated conviction that one is intrinsically top priority and should always come first, even at the expense of stepping on others.
12. Facing others who are constantly offended or upset by what one says/does.
13. Thinking that one is better or more important than other people, and other people should see this and unquestioningly comply.
14. Craving admiration and adoration.
15. Asserting one’s dominance or superiority over other people and finding it second nature.
How to Overcome a Sense of Entitlement
It’s important to remember that we all suffer from personality flaws.
While some of us are stingy or deeply insecure, others of us – you guessed it – have a sense of entitlement!
Whether you’ve reached rock bottom in your relationship, have gone through a dark night of the soul, or are simply doing some inner work, we all reach a point in life when we face the truth about ourselves.
And the truth hurts.
Shadow Work Journal:
Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!
If you tend to show this trait, there are many ways to slowly work through it to improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others.
Examples include:
- Developing more self-awareness. Without being aware of what you think, feel, and do, you won’t be able to progress very far. Journaling is a great way to begin developing more self-understanding.
- Identifying your inner expectations about the world, as well as deep-seated beliefs and ideals. Often, having a sense of entitlement stems from unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions that you may not even be aware of. See our article on core beliefs.
- Work to accept life as it is without imposing your beliefs, ideals, or expectations over the top. This includes practicing forgiveness, learning the art of letting go, and allowing people to be the way they are naturally.
- Concentrate on developing compassion and empathy. Asking “How does this affect others?” “How does s/he feel right now?” “How would I feel if I was her?” helps to broaden the mind, and open it to new and beneficial ways of thinking.
- Celebrate with other people, and celebrate other people. Pay attention to the happiness and joy of others: happiness shared is happiness multiplied. Also, being thankful for the people in your life allows you to place more importance in them, seeing how truly special they are. (See our article on being grateful.)
- Slowly work on cultivating true self-love. If treating yourself with compassion is too hard at first, focus on practicing self-care instead.
- Explore your shadow self after building healthy self-compassion. Learning to be gentle with yourself always comes before shadow work because, otherwise, this practice can easily lead to more self-loathing. When you feel ready to dive into your shadow (i.e., your dark side), I recommend starting off with taking our shadow self test and then doing some self-reflection.
Change won’t come overnight, but with dedication and willpower, you can develop healthier self-worth that isn’t dependant on others being undermined.
The very fact that you’ve got to this point in the article is a sign that you’re courageous enough to grow and change. So well done!
Self-entitlement is a common shadow quality. Have you observed it within yourself or another? Share below in the comments.
I decided to find out the definition for entitlement was and you know what Baby Boomers & Gen Z are rude.
This is a great article. I identify with the person who gets angered by others who display a sense of entitlement. I am empathetic but also say it as it is to those who threaten the planet and take their privileges for granted. Personally I live almost minimalistic, but I thought I would look into why, my shadow, as to the feelings these encounters trigger.
Thanks. Will still ponder and try and unlock this. But your article is great. I honestly chucked when you said it was ones own shadow. I knew it and love the reassurance.
Dear Dan,
If you reread your comment you will notice your superiorness/ entitlement “in the shadows”, to make use of the author’s title exercise.
In my perspective, people from *all* generations can be rude and entitled. But this article is more about doing that inner work and examining how it plays out in ourselves. ♡
Thank you for this. I’m beginning this journey and this article was very helpful and needed.
I noticed my relationship with my ex had so many flaws because I was entitled. I didn’t act entitled over anyone else but to him I acted like I was the little baby that deserved the whole world, and after reading this list I finally understood the actual problem. Thank you to whoever wrote this, thanks to you I’ll try my best to change to be a better person in general. I’m not turning back to him though :D
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability! It’s awesome that you’re willing to grow and change. :)
You just described the entire human race.
Hahaha, yeah, I guess I have :’-D
Is it possible for an individual to BE EXACTLY like the article’s describing while swearing vehemently that another person is self-entitled?
I am posting this because I wonder If i am suffering from a more mild or severe case of entitlement. The other night in had friends over for a bonfire. All seemed to go well, but I got a text from my friend threatening me if I spoke to his wife in that way again. The only thing I remember talking to her about was a response to her saying that its egotistical not to believe in aliens, and I replied that it is a disease if you think you know something you don’t, actually having felt offended by her comment. Making matters worse, another friend told me he does not deserve to be talked to in a certain way either, this case being over which song was playing on the radio. I was upset when he changed a song I just put on and let him know how I felt. I actually finally started to feel confident in my life at this point, having been very insecure my whole life. I believed in myself, finally having a girlfriend. This seemed to come at a cost of certain friends feelings.
The problem is that we now live in a world where confronting anyone — even in a very calm, chill and friendly way — is now seen as offensive and something that has to be addressed by telling a third party about it and avoiding discussing it with you at all. Thus the incident never really gets addressed and the sting is carried by both parties forever.
I guess I am tired of how the word entitled is being misused. We are all entitled to things, such as the protections under the law. It simply means a right.
Now that is far different from a false sense of entitlement which is what people mean when they say someone is ‘entitled’.
I can tell you that if you are truly ‘entitled’ to something, you won’t feel it is an insult.
I started to share this list, then noticed there are no source references. It would be so great, not to mention give confidence in your claims, if you would reference your source material. Thanks.
Interesting read
I found this after realizing how entitled my mother is, who uses excuses of her position as a parent to be able to curse and berate me with hurtful comments, while also expecting me to apologize for absolutely nothing. (Ex: Casually talking about a topic, I get yelled at for “making her forget what she was writing to a friend”, I then go to leave the room and close the door, she calls me rude and has a temper tantrum after the door closes.) I talked to her before about the arguments we have, but every time, after a week or so passes, she argues with me over dust and acts like I’m a horrible daughter for defending myself or just walking out when it happens. I want to send this to her, but she would turn this into yet another argument. Getting therapy would as well. So I have no idea what to do other than vent and wait until I move into a dorm away from her.
I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I would definitely suggest going to therapy.
Technically, they say Knowledge holds power
Knowledge is technically the death sentence without resources to follow
Imagine coming into existence, knowing society will fail unless I stood tall, started giving away any cure I could find to be, betrayed, lied too, bullied by all who were cured?
Imagine being the chosen one, the only one that can truly state without a doubt, I know how to read a star map, create Anti-Gravity Devices just like E.T. to be forcefully threatened by society, told it would never work yet see images and structures to even ruins outlined in white quartz along side a mountain in B.C. to quickly learn, society base life upon thieving from one another rather than doing as the human race once did and shared the wealth they were given. It saddens me now knowing I could very well take control of this existence given I had what I need, knowing now. I have not what I need while everyone around me says they work yet I do not see them employed.
Knowing Anti-Gravity technology is exact to the same as Nicola Tesla, apparently, someone murdered him like I feel society are doing to me, killing my dream to make us of there own.
I’m merely disappointed with everyone, have nothing against anyone knowing the system will crumble, knowing now, everything is up in the heir.
24hr profit shared industry would cure the weak, save the blind and make me proud to say society woke up before i died, again.
Military order\justice to control those whom cannot control themselves or the greedy tendencies they create, knowing work for welfare would improve life, 4hr school\work days would benefit mankind, less workload, more family enjoyment, paying citizens for there ideas to improve life.
to my mind, and mine alone. I know this life is a coma based substance, being able to bring everyone back to the plain of existence I left behind would be the most amazing feet in the history of anykind.
I’m traumatized, feel this will not work out the way it was planned, feel lost in my own cracked mind knowing my egg (my head) was cracked at a very young age bothers me profusely knowing everytime I try and grow up, something knocks me off my feet and leaves me crying on the ground.
Being that if tomorrow arrives, its an added bonus for the human kind
If I die\wake up. I get to go home, leaving all behind, quite possibly forever
I hope I die\wake up due to the limitations of your mind allowing mine to fulfill my destiny.
Its too much for me to bare, no one will even look me in the eyes or talk to me anymore. I’m given the silent treatment all day long which makes this dream pointless.
Being, I shattered my right ankle and broke my left foot, July 25th 2019. I’m still kinda stuck in the middle with you kids.
Don’t lie to me anymore, don’t hide my wealth, give me what I rightfully brought to the children of earth so we all can strive for the better part of today to make tomorrow shine.
and btw, there is an apparent Black Hole in our solar system, looks an awful lot like the original magnetic engine I created way back in time, if we can come to an agreement, the engine will spin sucking this solar system thru a garden hose faster than any of you sin
Great article!
Shared in a group setting of around 15 participants.
Opened up a lot of conversation and personal experiences.
A lot of therapeutic healing took place amongst our group.
Hmmm… I am probably 12/16 of these, however I don’t think this makes you entitled as I chose to do these things after being stepped on and betrayed by others. I think not having these qualities makes you a weak person and most likely will be stepped on in life. I think entitled people expect substantial results or wealth and aren’t willing to do the work, they just want it handed to them.
Read with an open mind,
Hey Jason, I can kind of relate to what you are saying as I have been stepped on and betrayed by my closest friends in the past year. Very recently I have been reading and discovered that I may be entitled, but I’m starting to think that this shared mindset we have could be entitlement. See, the thing is that in life we will get stepped on. There will be bad people. And not everything will go well. That applies to everybody. We need to realize that we don’t deserve any special treatment or to be immune to the effects of these negative influences on our life. Shit happens, we roll with the punches because that’s just what you have to do when life is one long boxing match. Additionally, having these symptoms as described in the article are not beyond your control. Your response to what happens around you is what makes these symptoms present, not the stimulus itself. You are right, entitled people do expect stuff without working for it. Do you expect the world to treat you fairly without earning it? Because let me tell you a little secret…life isn’t fair. I know you’ve heard it before, and there is NO way to earn proper treatment from everyone in the world. It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing you are entitled, but there’s no other medicine.
I recommend reading “A man’s search for meaning” by Victor Frankl.