When we were young it was kind of cute when we threw tantrums as toddlers, not getting what we wanted.
People would coo at us, maybe even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while“. Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
As we grew older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show consideration for others. Some of us, however, didn’t.
We’d continue throwing tantrums but in more mature and sophisticated ways. We’d continue to demand our fair share from others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the floor crying. And last of all, we’d continue to expect special treatment just because … well, just because we’re us and it’s because what we deserve. Naturally.
Well here’s the thing … you’re not so special. And this article will explain why.
Me! Me! Me!
Linked with narcissism in the world of psychoanalysis, having a sense of entitlement can easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy. After all, don’t our parents and societies constantly tell us that “we’re unique”, “we’re special”, and “we’re number one”?
The truth is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of self-love because it often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long term. In essence, a sense of entitlement is established and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe, and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break loose.
This narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and young adults that we are not so special, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants.
Some typical examples of a narcissistic sense of entitlement behaviors include the following:
- Tim and Estelle are in a long-term relationship. Tim works full time to support Estelle and their child in a small two bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life”, and Tim never treats her anyway.
- Antonio shows up unexpected at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive a bed and a meal. When his mother refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
- Katie and Xiang are best friends. But when Katie doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her and doesn’t talk to her for the next week. Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting about her”.
- Alex and Ben are a gay couple who are about to get married. While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be extravagant and expensive. Meeting with the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from $5,000, to $20,000. When Ben finds out he demands angrily why. Alex says that he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going through with it.
These are only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that exemplify both passive and aggressive disregard for others.
16 Sense of Entitlement Symptoms
By now you may be wondering: do I have a sense of entitlement? Like anything in life there is a spectrum, and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist or have a borderline personality disorder, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes other people’s lives hard. If you have a sense of entitlement, symptoms include the following:
1. You impose unrealistic demands on your family, children, friends, acquaintances, lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. You tend to feel sorry for yourself if things don’t work out the way you wanted (self-pity) and openly advertise this in melodramatic, attention-seeking ways.
3. People have called you a “bully”, “manipulative”, “ruthless”, “egotistical”, “vain”, or a “liar”.
4. You believe that you deserve happiness and go to great, sometimes extreme lengths to ensure that happens, often at the expense of others.
5. You punish people when they don’t do what you want either passively (e.g. silent treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g. shouting, verbally/physically abusing).
6. In order to “succeed” in life, you believe in going to any lengths.
7. You constantly see other people as competition or “threats”.
8. You tend to exhibit many double-standards in the way you behave/interact with other people, e.g. I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t; I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t to ME.
9. You tend to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
10. You tend to look out for yourself, your needs and desires more than anyone else almost 100% of the time.
11. You have a hard time negotiating or compromising.
12. You have a deep-seated conviction that you have priority and should always come first, even at the expense of stepping on others.
13. People always seem to be offended or upset by what you do or say.
14. You generally think that you are better, or more important than other people and other people should see this and unquestioningly respect you.
15. You crave admiration and adoration.
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16. You like to assert your dominance or superiority over other people, finding it second nature.
***
It’s important to remember that we all suffer from personality flaws. While some of us are stingy or deeply insecure, others of us have sense of entitlement complexes. If you tend to show this narcissistic trait, there are many ways to slowly work through it to improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others. Examples include:
- Developing more self-awareness. Without being aware of what you think, feel and do, you won’t be able to progress very far.
- Identifying your inner expectations about the world, as well as deep-seated beliefs and ideals (shadow work is very handy here). Often a sense of entitlement stems from unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions that you may not even be aware of.
- Work to accept life as it is without imposing your beliefs, ideals or expectations. This includes practicing forgiveness and allowing people to be the way they are naturally.
- Concentrate on developing compassion and empathy. Asking “how does this affect others?”, “how does he/she feel right now?”, “how would I feel if I was her/him?” helps to broaden the mind, and open it to new, and beneficial, ways of thinking.
- Celebrate with other people, and celebrate other people. Pay attention to the happiness and joy of others: happiness shared is happiness multiplied. Also, being thankful for the people in your life allows you to place more importance in them, seeing how truly special they are.
- Slowly work on cultivating true self-love, not the malignant kind.
Change won’t come overnight, but with dedication and will power your life can take a permanent turn for the better.
If you would like to share any thoughts or experiences you have on having a sense of entitlement, please do so below in the comments area!
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I guess I am tired of how the word entitled is being misused. We are all entitled to things, such as the protections under the law. It simply means a right.
Now that is far different from a false sense of entitlement which is what people mean when they say someone is ‘entitled’.
I can tell you that if you are truly ‘entitled’ to something, you won’t feel it is an insult.
I started to share this list, then noticed there are no source references. It would be so great, not to mention give confidence in your claims, if you would reference your source material. Thanks.
Interesting read
I found this after realizing how entitled my mother is, who uses excuses of her position as a parent to be able to curse and berate me with hurtful comments, while also expecting me to apologize for absolutely nothing. (Ex: Casually talking about a topic, I get yelled at for “making her forget what she was writing to a friend”, I then go to leave the room and close the door, she calls me rude and has a temper tantrum after the door closes.) I talked to her before about the arguments we have, but every time, after a week or so passes, she argues with me over dust and acts like I’m a horrible daughter for defending myself or just walking out when it happens. I want to send this to her, but she would turn this into yet another argument. Getting therapy would as well. So I have no idea what to do other than vent and wait until I move into a dorm away from her.
Technically, they say Knowledge holds power
Knowledge is technically the death sentence without resources to follow
Imagine coming into existence, knowing society will fail unless I stood tall, started giving away any cure I could find to be, betrayed, lied too, bullied by all who were cured?
Imagine being the chosen one, the only one that can truly state without a doubt, I know how to read a star map, create Anti-Gravity Devices just like E.T. to be forcefully threatened by society, told it would never work yet see images and structures to even ruins outlined in white quartz along side a mountain in B.C. to quickly learn, society base life upon thieving from one another rather than doing as the human race once did and shared the wealth they were given. It saddens me now knowing I could very well take control of this existence given I had what I need, knowing now. I have not what I need while everyone around me says they work yet I do not see them employed.
Knowing Anti-Gravity technology is exact to the same as Nicola Tesla, apparently, someone murdered him like I feel society are doing to me, killing my dream to make us of there own.
I’m merely disappointed with everyone, have nothing against anyone knowing the system will crumble, knowing now, everything is up in the heir.
24hr profit shared industry would cure the weak, save the blind and make me proud to say society woke up before i died, again.
Military order\justice to control those whom cannot control themselves or the greedy tendencies they create, knowing work for welfare would improve life, 4hr school\work days would benefit mankind, less workload, more family enjoyment, paying citizens for there ideas to improve life.
to my mind, and mine alone. I know this life is a coma based substance, being able to bring everyone back to the plain of existence I left behind would be the most amazing feet in the history of anykind.
I’m traumatized, feel this will not work out the way it was planned, feel lost in my own cracked mind knowing my egg (my head) was cracked at a very young age bothers me profusely knowing everytime I try and grow up, something knocks me off my feet and leaves me crying on the ground.
Being that if tomorrow arrives, its an added bonus for the human kind
If I die\wake up. I get to go home, leaving all behind, quite possibly forever
I hope I die\wake up due to the limitations of your mind allowing mine to fulfill my destiny.
Its too much for me to bare, no one will even look me in the eyes or talk to me anymore. I’m given the silent treatment all day long which makes this dream pointless.
Being, I shattered my right ankle and broke my left foot, July 25th 2019. I’m still kinda stuck in the middle with you kids.
Don’t lie to me anymore, don’t hide my wealth, give me what I rightfully brought to the children of earth so we all can strive for the better part of today to make tomorrow shine.
and btw, there is an apparent Black Hole in our solar system, looks an awful lot like the original magnetic engine I created way back in time, if we can come to an agreement, the engine will spin sucking this solar system thru a garden hose faster than any of you sin
Great article!
Shared in a group setting of around 15 participants.
Opened up a lot of conversation and personal experiences.
A lot of therapeutic healing took place amongst our group.
Hmmm… I am probably 12/16 of these, however I don’t think this makes you entitled as I chose to do these things after being stepped on and betrayed by others. I think not having these qualities makes you a weak person and most likely will be stepped on in life. I think entitled people expect substantial results or wealth and aren’t willing to do the work, they just want it handed to them.
Read with an open mind,
Hey Jason, I can kind of relate to what you are saying as I have been stepped on and betrayed by my closest friends in the past year. Very recently I have been reading and discovered that I may be entitled, but I’m starting to think that this shared mindset we have could be entitlement. See, the thing is that in life we will get stepped on. There will be bad people. And not everything will go well. That applies to everybody. We need to realize that we don’t deserve any special treatment or to be immune to the effects of these negative influences on our life. Shit happens, we roll with the punches because that’s just what you have to do when life is one long boxing match. Additionally, having these symptoms as described in the article are not beyond your control. Your response to what happens around you is what makes these symptoms present, not the stimulus itself. You are right, entitled people do expect stuff without working for it. Do you expect the world to treat you fairly without earning it? Because let me tell you a little secret…life isn’t fair. I know you’ve heard it before, and there is NO way to earn proper treatment from everyone in the world. It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing you are entitled, but there’s no other medicine.
I recommend reading “A man’s search for meaning” by Victor Frankl.
I’m sorry but I’m entitled to something if someone offers it and I have resources. I demand a booth because if they offer it at restaurant I have money to spend so yes I’m entitled to it and I think social class is important because if I work harder than you and your just lazy than yes I’m entitled to better things and how much I’m catered to.
Jeremiah,
Your words disgust me, and completely show your inability to feel like another human being UNLESS in your clique! Really? You’re arrogance only does 2 things–1. Makes us good people throw up in our own mouths and 2. Makes it much more obvious how tiny your little weenie actually is!