When we were young it was cute when we threw tantrums.
People would coo at us, maybe even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while.”
Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
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As we grew older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show consideration for others. Some of us, however, didn’t.
We’d continue throwing tantrums but in more mature and sophisticated ways.
We’d continue to demand our fair share from others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the floor crying.
And lastly, we’d continue to expect special treatment just because … well, because it’s us and we deserve it – naturally!
Well here’s the thing … we’ve all got to grow up at some point. We’ve all got to realize that we’re not the center of the universe.
As a prevalent collective shadow in this world, we need to be willing to face this flaw with courage in order to grow as people and connect more from the heart with others.
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Me! Me! Me!
Having a sense of entitlement can easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy.
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After all, don’t our parents and societies constantly tell us that “we’re unique,” “we’re special,” and “we’re number one”?
The truth is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of self-love because it often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long term.
What Does Having a “Sense of Entitlement” Mean?
In essence, a sense of entitlement is formed and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe, and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break loose.
This narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and young adults that we are not at the center of the universe, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants.
Examples of Entitled Behaviors
Some typical examples of entitled behavior include the following:
- Tim and Estelle are in a long-term relationship. Tim works full-time to support Estelle and their child in a small two-bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life,” and Tim never treats her anyway.
- Antonio shows up unexpectedly at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive a bed and a meal. When his mother refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
- Katie and Xiang are best friends. But when Katie doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her and doesn’t talk to her for the next week. Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting about her.”
- Alex and Ben are a gay couple who are about to get married. While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be extravagant and expensive. Meeting with the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from $5,000 to $20,000. When Ben finds out he demands angrily why. Alex says that he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going through with it.
These are only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that exemplify both a passive and aggressive disregard for others.
Self-Growth & Shadow Work
We all contain a little bit of a sense of entitlement. Let’s face it, it’s part of having an ego and being human!
However, unfortunately, this trait is one of those sneaky little shadows that we often aren’t aware of within ourselves and others – before it’s too late!
This website is about helping you to be honest with yourself, do a little soul searching, and evolve on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
If you’ve come to this page because you’re enraged at someone who exhibits signs of entitlement, pause to reflect for a moment …
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… what makes you so angry at this entitled person?
And might you have displayed the same behaviors in the past?
Let’s be real here. None of us are perfect. We’re not excusing another person’s behavior here. Instead, we’re trying to regain a sense of self-empowerment.
Shadow work helps us to reclaim our projections and not be controlled by habits such as hatred and self-absorption.
We’ll explore shadow work a little more later.
15 Sense of Entitlement Symptoms
By now you may be wondering: do I (or does someone else I know) have a sense of entitlement?
Like anything in life, there is a spectrum, and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes other people’s lives hard.
Here are some common sense of entitlement signs:
1. Imposing unrealistic demands on family, children, friends, acquaintances, lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. Tendency to feel sorry for oneself if things don’t work out the way one wants (self-pity) and openly advertising this in a melodramatic, attention-seeking way.
3. Being called by others names such as “bully,” “manipulative,” “ruthless,” “egotistical,” “vain,” or “liar.”
4. The belief that one deserves happiness and has to go to great, sometimes extreme lengths to ensure that happens, usually at the expense of others.
5. Punishing people when they don’t do what one wants either passively (e.g., silent treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g., shouting, verbally/physically abusing).
6. Constantly seeing other people as competition or “threats.”
7. Tendency to exhibit many double-standards in the way one behaves/interacts with other people, e.g., I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t; I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t to ME.
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8. Tendency to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
9. Tendency to look out for oneself and one’s needs and desires more than anyone else 100% of the time.
10. Having a hard time negotiating or compromising.
11. Having a deep-seated conviction that one is intrinsically top priority and should always come first, even at the expense of stepping on others.
12. Facing others who are constantly offended or upset by what one says/does.
13. Thinking that one is better or more important than other people, and other people should see this and unquestioningly comply.
14. Craving admiration and adoration.
15. Asserting one’s dominance or superiority over other people and finding it second nature.
How to Overcome a Sense of Entitlement
It’s important to remember that we all suffer from personality flaws.
While some of us are stingy or deeply insecure, others of us – you guessed it – have a sense of entitlement!
Whether you’ve reached rock bottom in your relationship, have gone through a dark night of the soul, or are simply doing some inner work, we all reach a point in life when we face the truth about ourselves.
And the truth hurts.
If you tend to show this trait, there are many ways to slowly work through it to improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others.
Examples include:
- Developing more self-awareness. Without being aware of what you think, feel, and do, you won’t be able to progress very far. Journaling is a great way to begin developing more self-understanding.
- Identifying your inner expectations about the world, as well as deep-seated beliefs and ideals. Often, having a sense of entitlement stems from unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions that you may not even be aware of. See our article on core beliefs.
- Work to accept life as it is without imposing your beliefs, ideals, or expectations over the top. This includes practicing forgiveness, learning the art of letting go, and allowing people to be the way they are naturally.
- Concentrate on developing compassion and empathy. Asking “How does this affect others?” “How does s/he feel right now?” “How would I feel if I was her?” helps to broaden the mind, and open it to new and beneficial ways of thinking.
- Celebrate with other people, and celebrate other people. Pay attention to the happiness and joy of others: happiness shared is happiness multiplied. Also, being thankful for the people in your life allows you to place more importance in them, seeing how truly special they are. (See our article on being grateful.)
- Slowly work on cultivating true self-love. If treating yourself with compassion is too hard at first, focus on practicing self-care instead.
- Explore your shadow self after building healthy self-compassion. Learning to be gentle with yourself always comes before shadow work because, otherwise, this practice can easily lead to more self-loathing. When you feel ready to dive into your shadow (i.e., your dark side), I recommend starting off with taking our shadow self test or our shadow archetype test and then doing some self-reflection.
Change won’t come overnight, but with dedication and willpower, you can develop healthier self-worth that isn’t dependant on others being undermined.
The very fact that you’ve got to this point in the article is a sign that you’re courageous enough to grow and change. So well done!
Self-entitlement is a common shadow quality. Have you observed it within yourself or another? Share below in the comments.
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I guess here are some recommend terms/phrases to search online if you want to read more on the topic. Though I guess one thing to have in mind is that narcissism is a spectrum. That is, it’s not always in extremes. Maybe you’re not a narcissist by the formal sense of the term, but we all have a degree of narcissism within us. That’s kind of human nature, even if it’s very minor in degree. Though there is the extreme opposite end of the narcissism spectrum of a complete lack of self-worth, self-confidence, and self-love, which is another extreme that is not very helpful. In my opinion, it’s better to be in the middle, or to just have a little bit of narcissism in you, so you won’t lower your standards too low, without letting the narcissism go out of control. You know, just so you won’t be a complete doormat. A little pride in yourself goes a long way, but not too much. Though I’m just saying this because I know people dismiss the idea of any narcissism within them, because they only see the extremes of narcissism and tell themselves “I’m not that,” without realizing it comes in smaller bursts sometimes to you, like in times of stress and weakness, which is natural. But we still have to be self-aware of them. Here are things to google around this topic. (Though know this is an exercise better for those who need less pride, not more of them, but Loner Wolf doesn’t recognize the individual differences of what people need much, so I thought I mentioned it.) 1. Signs of entitlement 2. Signs of an ego 3. Arrogant signs 4. Confidence vs arrogance 5. Humility vs low self esteem 6. How to have more humility 7. Intellectual humility 8. The power of saying “I don’t know” 9. Four stages of competence 10. How to admit you’re wrong 11. How to apologize 12. How to make up for your mistakes 13. How to learn from your mistakes 14. How to make daily self-reflection 15. Self-reflection questions 16. Self-reflection journal prompts 17. Questions to reflect on your day 18. Humility quotes 19. Ego quotes 10. Open mindedness quotes. (You can reflect on quotes one by one in a journal as well).
By definition, it’s not a “tantrum” if it’s “sophisticated”. Granted, the behavior is maladaptive and immoral, but to use “tantrum” in this context is just manipulative shaming language. Otherwise, I can accuse anyone of throwing a tantrum any time they defy my expectations. We need to remain intellectually honest when making our points, otherwise we have no real point.
What counts as manipulative shaming language? Sometimes when we provide constructive criticism, we have to use negative words, and there’s no avoiding them. What are we supposed to say rather than an adult tantrum, if someone is acting a bit too immaturely for their age? “Someone who is at a sophisticated age who is emotionally overreacting to a situation with high amounts of anger and fury?” That sounds more patronizing when you put it that way. Something does not necessarily sound nicer just because you’re being more formal here. It sounds like you’re saying something to a child by puffing them up, like “Mister/miss, you must be having such a hard time, your royal highness,” if you call it “A sophisticated outburst.” Or what word would you rather suggest? Is something a sophisticated reaction just because you’re older, or if a senior citizen was randomly shouting racist insults to someone for no reason other than they’re just next to them in a bus, a bit of a tantrum? As a lot of narrow-minded elders go. It’s true that we can’t call every person who is emotionally reacting as a “tantrum,” but that doesn’t mean there never is scenarios where some people are overreacting to petty situations, especially at their age. Someone saying “You’re oversensitive!” to something genuinely stressful or even traumatic is insensitivity, sure, but someone saying “You’re throwing a tantrum!” to someone who is just screaming in the middle of a public restaurant because they didn’t get their order first, when many other people ordered first. It really depends on the context. To me, it just feels like you’re sealioning to me, which is a slang term that means “Someone being manipulative by provoking someone to offer more evidence, proof, and argument by using very calm, formal, and polite language, to seem like more of the “adult” in the situation, then when someone gets angry at this indirect provocation, they blame the other person for emotionally overreacting, while they look more like the “calm one.” (Look up “sealioning meaning” online if you’re curious)
I decided to find out the definition for entitlement was and you know what Baby Boomers & Gen Z are rude.
This is a great article. I identify with the person who gets angered by others who display a sense of entitlement. I am empathetic but also say it as it is to those who threaten the planet and take their privileges for granted. Personally I live almost minimalistic, but I thought I would look into why, my shadow, as to the feelings these encounters trigger.
Thanks. Will still ponder and try and unlock this. But your article is great. I honestly chucked when you said it was ones own shadow. I knew it and love the reassurance.
Dear Dan,
If you reread your comment you will notice your superiorness/ entitlement “in the shadows”, to make use of the author’s title exercise.
In my perspective, people from *all* generations can be rude and entitled. But this article is more about doing that inner work and examining how it plays out in ourselves. ♡
Just sounds like ageism, to me, or discrimination by age. It’s easy to feel superior to very old people or very young people all the time, but I rarely heard of someone who is discriminatory towards both groups. Perhaps some middle aged people really think they are the superior age group, though to be fair, every age group or generation often thinks they’re the superior ones, just because they tend to value their group’s opinions over other age groups. It’s strange how culture today, especially in the modern West, devalues intergenerational friendship, camaraderie, and discussions, so no wisdom can be spread between generations, which all have their own unique viewpoints.
Thank you for this. I’m beginning this journey and this article was very helpful and needed.
I noticed my relationship with my ex had so many flaws because I was entitled. I didn’t act entitled over anyone else but to him I acted like I was the little baby that deserved the whole world, and after reading this list I finally understood the actual problem. Thank you to whoever wrote this, thanks to you I’ll try my best to change to be a better person in general. I’m not turning back to him though :D
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability! It’s awesome that you’re willing to grow and change. :)