When we were young it was cute when we threw tantrums.
People would coo at us, maybe even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while.”
Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
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As we grew older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show consideration for others. Some of us, however, didn’t.
We’d continue throwing tantrums but in more mature and sophisticated ways.
We’d continue to demand our fair share from others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the floor crying.
And lastly, we’d continue to expect special treatment just because … well, because it’s us and we deserve it – naturally!
Well here’s the thing … we’ve all got to grow up at some point. We’ve all got to realize that we’re not the center of the universe.
As a prevalent collective shadow in this world, we need to be willing to face this flaw with courage in order to grow as people and connect more from the heart with others.
Table of contents
Me! Me! Me!
Having a sense of entitlement can easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy.
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After all, don’t our parents and societies constantly tell us that “we’re unique,” “we’re special,” and “we’re number one”?
The truth is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of self-love because it often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long term.
What Does Having a “Sense of Entitlement” Mean?
In essence, a sense of entitlement is formed and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe, and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break loose.
This narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and young adults that we are not at the center of the universe, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants.
Examples of Entitled Behaviors
Some typical examples of entitled behavior include the following:
- Tim and Estelle are in a long-term relationship. Tim works full-time to support Estelle and their child in a small two-bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life,” and Tim never treats her anyway.
- Antonio shows up unexpectedly at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive a bed and a meal. When his mother refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
- Katie and Xiang are best friends. But when Katie doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her and doesn’t talk to her for the next week. Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting about her.”
- Alex and Ben are a gay couple who are about to get married. While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be extravagant and expensive. Meeting with the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from $5,000 to $20,000. When Ben finds out he demands angrily why. Alex says that he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going through with it.
These are only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that exemplify both a passive and aggressive disregard for others.
Self-Growth & Shadow Work
We all contain a little bit of a sense of entitlement. Let’s face it, it’s part of having an ego and being human!
However, unfortunately, this trait is one of those sneaky little shadows that we often aren’t aware of within ourselves and others – before it’s too late!
This website is about helping you to be honest with yourself, do a little soul searching, and evolve on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
If you’ve come to this page because you’re enraged at someone who exhibits signs of entitlement, pause to reflect for a moment …
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… what makes you so angry at this entitled person?
And might you have displayed the same behaviors in the past?
Let’s be real here. None of us are perfect. We’re not excusing another person’s behavior here. Instead, we’re trying to regain a sense of self-empowerment.
Shadow work helps us to reclaim our projections and not be controlled by habits such as hatred and self-absorption.
We’ll explore shadow work a little more later.
15 Sense of Entitlement Symptoms
By now you may be wondering: do I (or does someone else I know) have a sense of entitlement?
Like anything in life, there is a spectrum, and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes other people’s lives hard.
Here are some common sense of entitlement signs:
1. Imposing unrealistic demands on family, children, friends, acquaintances, lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. Tendency to feel sorry for oneself if things don’t work out the way one wants (self-pity) and openly advertising this in a melodramatic, attention-seeking way.
3. Being called by others names such as “bully,” “manipulative,” “ruthless,” “egotistical,” “vain,” or “liar.”
4. The belief that one deserves happiness and has to go to great, sometimes extreme lengths to ensure that happens, usually at the expense of others.
5. Punishing people when they don’t do what one wants either passively (e.g., silent treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g., shouting, verbally/physically abusing).
6. Constantly seeing other people as competition or “threats.”
7. Tendency to exhibit many double-standards in the way one behaves/interacts with other people, e.g., I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t; I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t to ME.
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8. Tendency to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
9. Tendency to look out for oneself and one’s needs and desires more than anyone else 100% of the time.
10. Having a hard time negotiating or compromising.
11. Having a deep-seated conviction that one is intrinsically top priority and should always come first, even at the expense of stepping on others.
12. Facing others who are constantly offended or upset by what one says/does.
13. Thinking that one is better or more important than other people, and other people should see this and unquestioningly comply.
14. Craving admiration and adoration.
15. Asserting one’s dominance or superiority over other people and finding it second nature.
How to Overcome a Sense of Entitlement
It’s important to remember that we all suffer from personality flaws.
While some of us are stingy or deeply insecure, others of us – you guessed it – have a sense of entitlement!
Whether you’ve reached rock bottom in your relationship, have gone through a dark night of the soul, or are simply doing some inner work, we all reach a point in life when we face the truth about ourselves.
And the truth hurts.
If you tend to show this trait, there are many ways to slowly work through it to improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others.
Examples include:
- Developing more self-awareness. Without being aware of what you think, feel, and do, you won’t be able to progress very far. Journaling is a great way to begin developing more self-understanding.
- Identifying your inner expectations about the world, as well as deep-seated beliefs and ideals. Often, having a sense of entitlement stems from unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions that you may not even be aware of. See our article on core beliefs.
- Work to accept life as it is without imposing your beliefs, ideals, or expectations over the top. This includes practicing forgiveness, learning the art of letting go, and allowing people to be the way they are naturally.
- Concentrate on developing compassion and empathy. Asking “How does this affect others?” “How does s/he feel right now?” “How would I feel if I was her?” helps to broaden the mind, and open it to new and beneficial ways of thinking.
- Celebrate with other people, and celebrate other people. Pay attention to the happiness and joy of others: happiness shared is happiness multiplied. Also, being thankful for the people in your life allows you to place more importance in them, seeing how truly special they are. (See our article on being grateful.)
- Slowly work on cultivating true self-love. If treating yourself with compassion is too hard at first, focus on practicing self-care instead.
- Explore your shadow self after building healthy self-compassion. Learning to be gentle with yourself always comes before shadow work because, otherwise, this practice can easily lead to more self-loathing. When you feel ready to dive into your shadow (i.e., your dark side), I recommend starting off with taking our shadow self test or our shadow archetype test and then doing some self-reflection.
Change won’t come overnight, but with dedication and willpower, you can develop healthier self-worth that isn’t dependant on others being undermined.
The very fact that you’ve got to this point in the article is a sign that you’re courageous enough to grow and change. So well done!
Self-entitlement is a common shadow quality. Have you observed it within yourself or another? Share below in the comments.
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I’m sorry but I’m entitled to something if someone offers it and I have resources. I demand a booth because if they offer it at restaurant I have money to spend so yes I’m entitled to it and I think social class is important because if I work harder than you and your just lazy than yes I’m entitled to better things and how much I’m catered to.
Jeremiah,
Your words disgust me, and completely show your inability to feel like another human being UNLESS in your clique! Really? You’re arrogance only does 2 things–1. Makes us good people throw up in our own mouths and 2. Makes it much more obvious how tiny your little weenie actually is!
This is pretty shitty. As if you have to lower yourself on the basis of other people’s poor perception of you. If you like yourself, you make sure you are learning and growing, to Hell what people think of you. I actually see a psychologist (PhD) with 30 years of treating others with his own personal horror stories growing up and I’ve seen him for 3 years every week. Don’t sully yourself with trolls out here.
THANK YOU for Tara Brach, and you
Regarding #8, what if you were on the receiving end of a double-standard? I don’t make any excuses for myself; rather, I think in quite the opposite way: if I have no choice but to abide by some impossible standard, then everyone else must as well. Alternatively, I must be freed from such unreasonable demand. If neither happens, then this world is really a place where it’s every man for himself, there is no transcendental justice and, therefore, no reason to try and become a better person.
I do feel I have a sense of entitlement, but of a passive kind. I don’t go out in the world trying to extort value from people. But so much was extorted from me, and I see no evidence that the world works in a way that, some day, something will make up for that, that it saps any motivation I could have to lead a productive life, help others, etc.
I feel like I could have been the brain surgeon that was going to save the life of your child, but the world’s utter lack of care about my existence made it so I’m nothing and I don’t see why I should strive to be anything. “You”, meaning any random human being, refused to take enough interest in my existence that you might have helped me; so I in turn refuse to employ any energy in becoming anything that might benefit “you” in the long term. That’s how I’d put my sense of entitlement into words. I honestly don’t see it as some sort of character flaw of my own, but as a pretty rational reaction to the circumstances I grew up in. It’s the circumstances (which, ultimately, are people and their behaviors and choices) that were sick; my brain and its reaction to them seem absolutely healthy. Or am I missing something?
Hi, I guess I’m reading in this article about my old “me” and your reply just continues the story… I’m afraid that while you live (in your mind) in the mentioned way you even don’t realise where is the difference, you are looking for something that is out of your dimension (for now). Changes start to happen when you start working with your mind, getting out of “victim’s” stage and moving forward. I would suggest to listen Michael Bernard Beckwith “Life visioning” audio book, he analysis and gives wonderful lessons to grow. ❤️ It will take a time, but if you are looking for answers you will find them.
Great read, thank yu Luna.
Diffenately made me realise that i also have a sens of entitlement. This is an area that ill be focusing to improve in my life. In fact, im going to do some more research on the topic.
Once again, thank you so, so much.
Kind Regards
Melvin
My family is dysfunctional so I am very aware of narcissistic people but it took me nearly all my life to recognise the charactistics I am a young 62 yrs now. I have gone no contact and I am now in very early recovery. Articles like these and wonderful people like I meet and read about here have given me light and sustenance for my spirit which was very badly damaged and traumatic at times.
With so much love
Thank you
Lorraine ( Ireland)
I would add to cut back on self help material. If a false sense of entitlement is a symptom of narcissism and narcissism is a product of thinking waay too much about yourself then it stands to reason that reading self help material, which places the focus on you, is feeding your narcissism. Imo.
Lol, how stupid! Such a sad world we live in where fools run rampant and think their one dimensional perception of things is actually comical like they’re the top of the food chain when it comes to intellect?? Lmfao!!!
Finding out I also have a sense of entitlement (which I never thought I had, along with my other myriad problems in this life) just makes me feel even more worthless and depressed.
Maybe I am destined for death. Maybe that’s the only way out of this unemployed, no-income, low self esteem, low confidence, entitlement issues life.
ego and entitlement, they go together don’t they? u might b gifted, talented, beautiful, incredible, spiritually elevated. a lot of times i imagine people
who act entitled are really incredible, magnetic people and they know it. If one allows the ego to feed on this, its a misuse of oneself because if he doesn’t have humility (feeling, knowing that ultimately noone is better or worse than anyone else. In relative ways, we are all somewhere on a scale from 0 to 100 or rather to infinity, but i am not talking about it on the relative level. it may have to do with the idea that we are sharing life together. This is where everyone is valued, because we value life, and that is what we are, I imagine that everyone could agree with that. If people could identify only with life, our connection with everyone becomes that much more clear. these are just my opinions, ideas, not facts.
I am a self-entitled woman. I exhibit most of these symptoms, but it is totally ok and I will tell you all why.
For every lid, there is a pot.
I may not be several people’s cup of tea, but I may be so dear and special to some people that I may not even come off as draining, demanding, or self-entitled to them. Those are the people that are worthy of my love and friendship.
Treating me the way I want will come naturally to them and it will, in turn, motivate and prompt me to treat them with tenderness and love too.
I am 36 years old now and for MANY MANY years, I was told I would remain forever single because of my selfish, self-centered ways.
I have been happily married for almost 3 years now to a man whom I met almost 4 years ago. He loved every aspect about me and I loved every aspect about him: He was tall, had nice biceps, pecs, had gorgeous eyes, treated me like a princess. He voluntarily told all his friends whenever they called that he had met a girl he loved and would be spending all of his free time with her without me even asking him to.
In reality, for 32 years, I was dumping all the ugly unworthy losers I did not like and keeping my heart open for the one who mattered and he, as sure as the sun rises in the morning, came into my life.
Guess what? For all the love and appreciation he showed me, I treated him like a prince and our love has only grown day by day despite all the horrible things people tried to tell him about me, about how rotten and spoiled and selfish I used to be, or hey (I still proudly am). Despite how jealous so many men and women were of me when they realized little selfish, stuck-up bitchy old me had found quite a catch, they didn’t succeed in ruining my reputation in front of him.
From the day we met, it took him only 27 days to buy me a ring and propose with a gorgeous ring because, guess what? I am totally worth it.
Ladies, if you are spoiled and self-entitled, don’t let any of these other women or butt hurt men tell you to lower your standards. Your sense of entitlement probably comes from knowing you are beautiful and have A LOT to offer that you won’t necessarily waste on the wrong people.
Be your own best self for yourself. Do whatever you need to for yourself and don’t give too craps about how others feel about it. You only live once. Get whatever you want out of this life just for yourself.
Sonja, you mean “don’t give 2 craps” not “too craps”. Spent all that time writing to sound so educated and you end like that. FAIL!!! 36?.. enjoy the last few years of riding on your high horse!
@Sonya. hahaha, you are a ghastly troll, and if this is really who you are, and not you just playing some trolling game to get reactions, then you are a real life troll and your nature is most distasteful and highly disingenuous, and of course, you are clearly an emotional midget.
If you are able to feel anything at all, you will one day meet your own nemesis, in the guise of a friend or lover, who will take the smile right off your trollish face, suck the confidence right out of you, confuse and confound you and leave you empty.
Maybe, just maybe, then, in a moment of reflection, you will realise what an utter asshole you have been to the world and understand why people treat you the way they do, and one can only hope you gain some humility and sincerity for others, though I suspect it will just make you more of an asshole and provide you more false justification for behaving like you do.
Good luck with your divorce.
people like this eventually screw themselves up.No one will except you…
Oh I wrote “too craps” rather than “two craps.”
Oh boo hoo hoo. A typo is such a catastrophe.
Oh well, it turns out I was pregnant at the time I wrote this and my daughter is due to be born in 37 days.
As for me enjoying my divorce, LOL, keep dreaming about my demise.
You are the type of people I was talking about who love to see women like me unhappy and you are forever miserable as you sit around waiting for that day.
Just remember that whatever is meant to rise will rise and is not contingent upon your POV.
As for humility, no thanks. Humility is for losers.
You were pregnant when you made the typo? Self-entitled people can always come up with an excuse.
I’d rather have humility and be humble and patient than have everything all at once for the glory and be cocky.
I was going to stoop to your level but decided against it because I’m better than that. I have morals and a heart and a brain. So while you were at home laid up pregnant and your “catch” of a husband with the big pecs and little penis kept trying to buy me a bigger ring and a condo, I simply pray for each one of you to open your eyes to what’s really pretty and beautiful. It’s not being self entitled, it’s having self respect and empathy towards others. “A life that’s lived giving is a life that’s worthwhile.” – Einstein
He was a genius however if you’re someone who actually feels good by taking, your life isn’t shit , nor has any meaning or even matters to anyone (but haters) anyway and all of you simply waste the air you TAKE in!
Congratulations on your marriage, child, & happiness. I did not take what you wrote offensively, although I I do feel this article was helpful for myself :) I believe there is a fine line and I unfortunately feel LIke I step over it :/ 31 & realizing that at the end of the day I am alone & i have no friends. all of my justifications and excuses for how they wronged me or were not good enough have not kept me company during this time :( I can’t think of a single reason why other than it MUST be me . I don’t know! I am hoping to figure it out though because my 9 year old is displaying these symptoms and it’s been hell in the house and i feel responsible for teaching her this.