Before I start, I want to clarify something.
It isn’t the Law of Attraction itself that creates intense suffering, it is our usage and interpretation of the LOA that harms us. (Try to put that into a single title!)
Since the launch of the mega-popular books like The Secret in 2006, the Law of Attraction has skyrocketed in popularity. These days you can find LOA principles sprinkled everywhere over social media and in endless self-help articles aimed at helping you to “find happiness.”
Although many of these memes, articles, and websites have good intentions, the majority of them misunderstand and misapply the Law of Attraction, leading to stress, anger, frustration, and sadness.
What is the Law of Attraction?
The Law of Attraction is a philosophy that is based on the simple premise that whatever you think, you attract. Therefore, if you think positive thoughts, you will “manifest” positive things. If you think negative thoughts, you will manifest negative things.
To an extent, this is true. What we think usually does become the reality we live in. As the trendy cliche goes, “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” And it’s true: whatever you think, you become. Whatever you focus on generally tends to appear in your life sooner or later.
Naturally, this reality is very appealing to people because it suddenly feels like we have control! In fact, the LOA starts feeling like a magical fairy wand that we can wave and use to manifest every single one of our heart’s desires!
But here’s where the catch comes: the moment you use the LOA to intensely manifest your desires is the moment you open the door of suffering.
Why the Law of Attraction Creates Intense Suffering
I find that focusing on manifesting is limited and exhausting since it leaves God out. It often involves a shopping list of what the ego wants to “get from the universe.” By its very nature that’s profoundly limited. – Tosha Silver, Outrageous Openness
Simply type in “the Law of Attraction” on places like Pinterest and Facebook, and you’ll see picture after picture, and blog piece after blog piece, instructing you on how to manifest your heart’s desires.
You’ll see pictures that say things like, “Believe you deserve it and the universe will serve it,” “Be the energy you want to attract,” “Create the feeling first, then the having will come!” “It’s OK for me to have everything I want,” etc.
You’ll also see blog posts entitled things like, “7 Secrets of Manifesting Money INSTANTLY,” “How to Create a Vision Board That Works,” “6 Daily Law of Attraction Hacks,” “How to Design your Ideal Life With the Law of Attraction,” “11 Ways to Manifest Weight Loss,” and so forth.
Can you see the overarching theme here?
The Law of Attraction has become so massively popular in the spiritual and mainstream world because it is all about get-get-get!
In fact, the Law of Attraction has become the face of what famous Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa calls Spiritual Materialism. In other words, the LOA is being used as a way to spiritualize desire and attachment – both of which create endless suffering.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have more money, find your true love or achieve your goals. But when you believe all of these things will bring you the happiness you want, you’re stuck on another hamster wheel of suffering. The LOA starts to reinforce enslavement and obsession with desires rather than being a valuable tool to use mindfully. The more you try to chase and “manifest” things, the further you get from the truth that true happiness can be found right here, in the present moment, regardless of what you do or don’t have.
Even when you DO get what you so desperately wanted, you start fearing that it will be taken away from you! So you start clinging to, protecting, and fighting to keep what you’ve been given.
Does this sound like a recipe for peace or well being to you?
What hurts the most is when your desires aren’t fulfilled, and you’re left feeling frustrated, sad, desperate, and inadequate. You’ll hear people in the spiritual community telling you that your “vibration must be too low,” or your thoughts are not positive enough … even if you have been passionately “following all the rules” for months or even years. This, of course, further deepens your bitterness, emptiness, and feelings of being a failure.
Your Thoughts Aren’t Responsible For Everything That Happens
One of the cruelest misapplications of the Law of Attraction is towards other people’s suffering.
Because of our mind’s tendency to think in black or white terms, we tend to become dogmatic about certain ideas very quickly – and this has happened with the LOA. Soon, we start believing that people who lose their children to suicide or develop cancer do so because “their thoughts are attracting their reality” or “their vibration is manifesting these events.” However, not only are these beliefs insanely simplistic and short-sighted, but they also express an implicit lack of empathy towards others.
While our thoughts do have the tendency to create our reality, they are not the sole causes for certain situations in our lives. If our thinking was always 100% responsible for our reality, then we would always get precisely what we want, when we want it. (Let’s face it, this notion is precisely why people obsess over the LOA so much.)
Also, if our thinking was entirely responsible for our reality, then whenever we think negative thoughts, our lives would always take a turn for the worst. But have you ever gone into an exam and thought “I’m going to do terribly and fail,” but later, found that you passed and did well? Have you ever gone to a job interview and thought “I’m so nervous, I’ll screw this up,” and pictured yourself near-homeless, but received a phone call saying that you’ve been hired?
The fact is that our thoughts aren’t solely responsible for our reality. Our vibration doesn’t always attract experiences that “match it.” Otherwise, compassionate people wouldn’t die horrible deaths, and cruel people wouldn’t live fantastic lives.
We desperately want to make the Law of Attraction explain everything in life because it makes us feel safe and like we’re in control. That is understandable. But if we truly want to experience unconditional love and peace, we need to admit that there are some holes in this theory. We need to find the courage to be free of ideas that are inherently limiting.
The LOA (Lust, Obsession Attachment)
As I mentioned before, the Law of Attraction (LOA) is not the problem here, it’s people’s use and interpretation of it that is the problem.
When used by and understood through the ego, the Law of Attraction becomes more about lust, obsession, and attachment more than anything else.
We start believing that happiness can only be found in the future when we obtain or change something. But there is a serious flaw in this philosophy.
Sure, on the surface it may be fun and exciting to finally “attract” what we have been manifesting, visualizing, and creating vision boards about. This is equivalent to getting a shot of heroin. But afterward, when the buzz dies off, we start looking for more and more to manifest. We start viewing our lives through the lens of “what can I get more of?”
Very soon, we are constantly chasing-chasing-chasing what we believe, deep down, will finally “fulfill us” or bring us happiness. We become obsessed and addicted to a vision of what our lives “could be” if only we could just raise our vibration high enough and manifest all that we want.
Paradoxically, the more you try to think positive thoughts about what you want to attract, the more negative thoughts and feelings arise about how inadequate your life is or who you are as a person. In the back of your mind, you start feeling more and more anxiety, frustration, and desperation. These nagging feelings are either repressed and explode at a later date or are fought off with “positive thinking.”
Essentially, a war arises inside of your mind, in which you are constantly battling yourself in an attempt to get what you desire because you believe it will make you happy.
Can you see how messed up this all is? What a fiasco!
True Abundance and Happiness
As Sol and I have explored in numerous articles on this website, true abundance and happiness is not something you get, it’s something you are.
Thankfully, there is no need to give a shopping list to the Universe of all your desires, because the Universe (which is you at your core), already knows what is best for your growth and well-being. Sometimes you will be thrown challenges or things that appear “bad” at first. But later, you will discover that they actually helped you to evolve and find true joy. Other times, you will experience “good” things which may turn out to harm you, which may later help you to grow stronger. Can you see how nothing is linear? Everything is connected. And everything is perfectly orchestrated. There’s no need to worry.
As endless spiritual teachers and masters have pointed out through the ages, true abundance and happiness can ONLY ever be found in the present moment. Not in the past, not in the future, in the present.
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The mind and ego will try to convince us that we need special spiritual techniques to “get more” abundance and happiness, when in truth, all true abundance and happiness can be found within, right now. The more you chase for happiness, the more it will elude you. The more you attach, the more you suffer. The more you want, the more lacking you will feel.
If you want to explore the topic of happiness more, you might like to read the following articles:
- Finding Inner Peace When Life Seems Unbearable
- 3 Personal Responsibility Tips for Health, Happiness and Deep Inner Vitality
- Instead of Chasing Happiness, Search the Darkness
- Why Am I Unhappy?
- How to Love Yourself More (Even When Others DON’T)
So tell me, what are your thoughts on the LOA? Please share below in the comments.
In recent times I came upon an article pertaining to the Law of Attraction. It told of a great story of how a person got everything they ever wanted, and then offered (for sale of course), all the ways to attain this for oneself.
For three years now, I have been on a path that I am uncertain about, but I am following it nonetheless. It is leading me to places I have never been, made me explore feelings I have never felt, and given to me the possible opportunity to attain something I have looked for since childhood. I get restless moments, as within me I feel something is coming, but the unknown plagues me to a fierce degree. I go on searches looking for answers, and that is how I found that article selling the Law of Attraction.
I listened to it, but by the end of it, something about it felt off to me. I questioned within myself, “what exactly would I be doing to attempt this?”, and I ultimately decided against it. The reason being is, I feel many things in regards to the journey I am on. Love, fear, energy, but the promise of something wonderful if I just listen to the Universe. It does involve another person, the person I call “the One”, but in reality the Law of Attraction as was being sold did not seem right, in fact almost against everything that has led me to where I am. I don’t want to “manifest” this love, I want it to be intended, and if it is not intended, then manifesting it, as you have stated, will only cause pain and suffering for not only myself, but for another human being as well.
I feel strongly about this, so the reason I turned from the idea of the Law of Attraction. I am meant to have, what I am meant to have. I have manifested good things in my life through my own courage, understanding, and wisdom of discovering my life’s path. It is not something to be manifested, the outcome, but a gift to be given. I’m very happy to have found this article, as it makes me realize in my decision to let be what will be, could ultimately lead me to where I wish to be.
Thank you.
It is so much more than this. Meditation is the only way to empowering your conscious mind. Like attracts like but there are so many healthier ways to apply univeral laws. Which I find that applying all manifestation applications shows results. However, it is about letting go as well.
Thoughts on LOA… Think about it… The retorical use of… It’s all about getting/wanting something you DON’T have… I’l leave you wtih that…
Best, Loulou
Intuitive Empath
I really appreciated this article. I have a history of child abuse, and one of the most painful things for me about the so-called law of attraction is the suggestion that I attracted that abuse to myself. I do not believe a five year old child attracts or invites or deserves sexual abuse, that a seven year old girl deserves to be beaten so badly she cannot go to school, etc… yet the implicit reasoning behind the laws of attraction suggest that somehow we do attract these events.
What’s even more damaging about such attitudes is that of course the child believes they caused it. If my father is raging violently at me for wearing the wrong shoes to school, of course I would think it’s my fault I’ve been beaten fiercely. So I not only internalise my father’s rage and blame, but then other adults collude with it with this type of dogma.
(On a side note, I find the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” equally harmful.)
Please, if it works for you, great–by all means, use it. But don’t impose it on others. You don’t know what they’ve experienced, or the impact your beliefs may have on their process.
I absolutely agree with you on.the LOA..learning I am indeed a full blown empath about 5 years ago is amazing & yes difficult I knew I was different as a very small child .but of course cldnt distinguish why ..being brought up in abuse my life until about 7 years ago I taught myself the knowledge & strength to get out ..still difficult my life .healing is the major key here ..but suffering is never ending for me..I just embrace it take in stride and keep moving on ..wearing of course .if you could enlighten me a bit .although I know there are no openly real answers. .I’ve been maliciously stalked for 7 years that I know of .but with my constant investigating and eagerness to find answers I believe its been far far longer .can’t prove this nor do I know who he is for definety ..we are constantly harrassesc,followed “survailled ,every electronic we own hacked into ..etc my 2 children & I..this “physchopath”will not stop & at some level or extreme he is dangerous ..I keep believing there is a purpose for this maliciouseness or & for me..but its horrid ..wld you be able to share any kind of wisdom or knowledge to how this may become good in the end if there is a end to it & what might it possibly be .thank you so much & thank you for being here to teach me .Lisa m Ogden
The Brain delivers The Picture, The Feeling creats The desired Object, thamk U
I love your post.
At 22 years old losing my mother at 13 when i found LOA it finally help me find someone to put all the blame on; myself which i felt so good about because I was so angry no one could or would take responsibility as to why my 33 year young mother would die and all these in control adults would tell me its not my fault;;but finally the LOA allowed me to feel in control and allowed me to put the blame on my thoughts and vibrations. Boy… Once I grasped at the concept of LOA i felt like I was Neil from the Matrix. Until…well i knew something was missing the love of God. Creation. Love. Embracing The perfection of Lifes imperfections without any of our misused interpretations is truly the happiness of Life. This article will sure help find more lost souls. Thank you will all appreciation.
I wait each week for your article to show up in my mail box and often when I am down with a lot of fear or insecurity, this is the first blog I come to for self help. I feel lucky and I have immense gratitude for the fact that I stumbled upon this blog, it has always helped me answered questions that bug me.. and today even this article helped me sort my head over something that is currently happening in my life.
Much love to you both, Luna and Sol ❤️
Why don’t we all just Wake Up and ask ourselves the Question…
What is it that suffers when I am suffering?
And The Answer is…
My Ego is Suffering…
So what is my Ego?
An Illusion created by my body Attachment…
So what is my Body?
An Illusion created by the physical Universe…
So What is The Physical Universe?
An Illusion created by God…
So what is GOD ?
The I In is that Asked the first Question in this Message…
So What is This I?.
GOD
So What is GOD…
I AM ❤
Beautiful and profound!
wow what an amazing poem. Truly said dear.
Like You ❤
Enlightenment is only gained when you Let Go of Ego.
This is extremely difficult to do as the Ego is the very thing that is gaining Enlightenment.
As The God Consciousness is already in You… it’s the Ego that gains The Truth ❤
But the difficulty is getting it to the Rubicon of Enlightenment because it Knows that it’s really just an illusion… So FEARS it’s own Truth…
The only way to drag our Fear Filled egos to the Rubicon of Enlightenment IS to…
Allow LOVE to ‘Control’ it … and Not Fear.
So to release the ‘Grip’ Fear has on your Ego…
Get it to ask itself the question…
‘Who Am I’?
It will slowly begin to realise that IT is an illusion…
Once it Fully Realises an Fully Experiences that …IT IS NOT TRUE… IT Will then ‘Drop’ Fear…
Because it Will Realise that … There IS Nothing to Fear … Because there is nothing to ‘Lose’if it Knows it is just an Illusion.
It Will then ‘Turn’ Inward and Fearlessly Seek the Truth .
During this INNER Journey…
It Will Begin To Love itself intensely and Thru this Love of Self… it Will Trust itself…
So When it Gains … The ‘Rubicon’ of Enlightenment…
It Will ‘Step Over’ and Gain Enlightenment ❤
wow just beautiful !!
Like We All Are ❤
Thank you for helping me feel better about this LOA thing. My son was such a special child. Animals were even drawn to his gentile ways . When he was 3 or 4, he asked me about where I would put his body when he died. I tried to convince him that he would have his own family and live a full life and that certainly I would die before him, but not for a long, long time (my mom died when I was 13). Usually I could persuade him to listen to me, especially at the age he was then, but he just would not change his idea. I guess it must have been like one of those instant downloads of knowledge that you just know is pure truth but you can’t explain where it came from . He became ill with headaches and nausea when he wa 12 which I WAS SURE was just migraines. I started having them like that when I was 12 also. The day after Mother’s Day (5/11/2009) the results came back showing he had a malignant type 4 brain tumor called medulloblastoma. He had surgery and it was removed that week at CHLA and we all stayed at Ronald McDonald house in LA because we weren’t from there and he needed a lot of treatment.Radiation first, then chemo that we were told could cause deafness from platinum toxicity. He was so lucky we thought .but when we were told he was cancer free and went home. The nausea never quit. A new doctor who only saw him twice told us he was fine and he just didn’t want to go to school. I told her she just didn’t know my son. He loved and looked forward to school always. This Dr wouldn’t listen , she just wanted to tie up all loose ends because she was moving to a new practice and basically wanted us to shut up and go home like the nausea would go away on its own. Every three months an MRI is done to check for new growth. After the third MRI it was like a bomb went off and he was full of new growth up and down his spinal column .they were too small to see at first, but that must have been why the nausea never left. I’m still angry at this doctor, and at cancer and everything. My beautiful creative son finally left us after fighting much harder than he had to , but he did it for me and I am so sorry to encourage him to continue with stem cell banking in San Francisco which was unsuccessful because there weren’t enough cells for the procedure that most likely would have killed him but would have been horrifying and painful. Glad we didn’t have to go through that, but he caught a form of Staph that was resistant to treatment (methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus or MRSA) .the day he died, the Friday before Mothers Day weekend (5/11/2012) so strange with the MothersDay dates,,I feel like the universe was trying to tell me that maybe I didn’t appreciate the special gift that been given to me so he was taken back. But now. I was afraid of this LOA business, like maybe I attracted because of all the fear that something was going to happen to him because of the experience he had as a young child. Please know that strangely my husband and I were given a child who was born when my older son was in remission. He has asked for a baby brother since he was little, it happened right before he turned14 yrs old. A little late, but at least they had a wonderful year and a half. So my first was born two days before I turned 21 and the second was born when I was soon to be 35. Thank the Lord for him or I don’t know if I would have made it after losing my first son. Thank you Lord. Thank you also for discussing LOA.
Stacy, this is truly heartbreaking, and I cannot imagine what you must have gone through. The pain, the anger, the loss … so profound, the deepest loss you can possibly experience as a human and mother. I admire your strength in the face of this tremendous grief. The LOA cannot be applied to everything. There is so much more to life and more than I think we can fathom going on “behind the scenes” of reality. When we can find the meaning underlying the deepest tragedies we have experienced, then we can finally understand the whole situation. I think it’s beautiful that you have found the meaning and lesson inherent in this whole experience. Sending lots of love your way. xoxox
Living based on your desires is tricky. There’s so many messages out there telling us what to desire. There’s an array of elements inside of us that dictate what we desire as well, hormones, emotions, our subconscious. LOA feels like a juggling act. What do we really want? It’s a loaded question. How to follow a philosophy that tells me to align with my desires when I don’t even know what I truly want. Today I want one thing and tomorrow I may want another. What you want creates a tunnel, and if you focus too much on that shiny thing at the end of the tunnel, you’ll miss out on all the other beautiful, meaningful things along your journey. It’s not about what we want it’s about what we already have. It’s easy for LOA to make you greedy :(
This is so well said Tash, and I completely agree. Desiring our lives to be/turn out a certain way gives us tunnel vision, and blocks other potentials. Desire is very changeable and unpredictable anyway. How can we distinguish between what we truly need vs. desire? To me, it is so much easier to allow the Universe to show us the path, rather than imposing our demands on the Universe. Thanks for commenting. :)
It’s not that simple. There’s a lot more to so many parts. The first and very important is that you can’t just WANT IT. You attract the same vibrations you are sending out. You need to learn to live and be happy as if you already have your desires. LOA matches your own vibrations. Your doubts and constant attention to the wanting is not the same vibration as living as if you already have that new car, or that perfect job. So your constant attention, doubts, and consciously just waiting to get what your desires are, can actually block the manifestations. The way you think and feel is something that must be understood and changed for most. In addition, it does not take God out of the picture. The individual may, but isn’t God supposed to be part of all that we are? Then why is it that your saying God is not the, or part of the Universe-LOA?
Also the suffering and tragic things that happen in this life is not as cut and dry either. As is the importance of having yourself in alignment so you can be of some help to others. It doesn’t cause empathy to diminish. It causes an understanding of how this life works. We all have chosen to be here and some of the basic experiences of our journey. The Law of Attraction is amazing and been proven true. I would say to anyone who is really interested in the process and utilizing it in their daily lives to do your research. One should understand as much of the if’s and’s n but’s of anything they are trying to incorporate into their lives.
There is so much more to this topic. One important thing to remember about your life is, that you never get it wrong.. we are constantly growing by ALL of our experiences and that is what we are here for.
Have a great first day of the rest of this life! ❤️
Hey, Deborah. I think it all depends on the interpretation and understanding of the LOA. Some people approach it with a mature perspective, while others are more focused on get-get-get (or just another way to impose the ego on life). As long as we understand our interconnectedness with the divine, and be mindful of the ego’s tendency to misuse and twist spiritual concepts, the LOA can be extremely useful to understand/apply.
I this is a very good article because it is a remimder for me that there is no substitution for doing the spiritual and emotional development/work that is required for my own happiness.
Thank you, George. I’m glad you found it helpful. :)
I can relate so much; for a while I thought that the Law of Attraction would somehow miraculously make my childhood crush fall in love with me. I thought this was like a goddamn wish-list you would write down then Santa would magically give it down to you. I genuinely believed in this stupid notion. Not to mention, how LOA can be also a form of spiritual bypassing by reinforcing the vibe/idea that the darker side of getting something: blood, sweat and tears, is not needed. It’s a form of positive thinking bypassing by not going to the root of things, that “dark” notion one must has to work in order to get what he wants. It’s not to disregard intention, I too have my dreams and aspirations but then again (the quote goes something like this but I can’t quote verbatim) “Feelings make you go all around but intellect grounds you to reality”
Well said, Squire. I think many people can relate because the LOA is presented in pop-spirituality as the panacea for all of your problems/desire. Plus, I think our inner child finds the idea really novel and exciting, which is why it became so popular. But thankfully you’ve come to be grounded in reality. :)
Amen, it’s basically a drug.
Thank you for your article. Practicing LOA can definitely be self-empowering and frustrating.
What do you recommend as standard ‘best practices’ regardless of what you may be facing or attracting at the moment in life?
Meditation? Seeking the peace and knowing in the head / heart / belly? Recovery from backsliding / digging up the seed?
I have been diving deep into since early 2016 and find that it really is the only thing that resonates after much exploration with spirituality, religion, different churches, etc.
“What do you recommend as standard ‘best practices’ regardless of what you may be facing or attracting at the moment in life?” — learning how to let go is extremely important because desire is the root of suffering. Letting go and surrendering to the flow of life helps us to feel happy and whole no matter where we are or what we’re doing. Also, staying mindful and present. Keep drawing your attention back to the present moment out of your thoughts. Learning how to notice your thoughts and their tendency to drag you into endless stories is also extremely vital. Hope this helps. :)
Thank you for this detailed and insightful article. I like that you mentioned that the LOA leaves God out. People want to manifest nonessential, ego driven material items. My issue that I have with LOA is different. I believed, based on what I read from LOA information, is that if I was a good person and had good thoughts, I would attract good experiences. I was very incorrect. People felt I was too nice and they tried to take advantage of me. They thought my kindness was a weakness. I do not practice LOA anymore, although I still try to be a nice person, but only to those who deserve it. I believe God is ultimately in control. Thanks for the great article!
Yes, it is hard to find anything in life that is black and white – the LOA included. I agree that the modern usage of this universal principle leaves God out, but God to me isn’t an external being (as religious people tend to believe), but the divine presence found within all of us. We need to approach the LOA with a balanced mindset, otherwise, our egos become inflated. We start believing that we can “control” life and get whatever we want just because we think a certain way. This, of course, is misguided. We must also allow God/Universe (which is inseparable from us) to reveal what IT wants for us. It’s naive of us to assume that we know what is best for us 100% of the time.
Thanks for your comment. :)
I am a big fan of Esther Hicks and Abraham. When The Secret came out, most of my spiritual friends derided it’s materialistic emphasis on “getting stuff”. For me, the LOA principles as taught by Abraham really assisted me in living in the NOW (as espoused by Eckhart Tolle) and being mindful of my emotions. For example, when I used to have unpleasant Mondays, say, getting stuck in traffic…I would grind my teeth and feel stuck. Thanks to Abraham, I now see I have a choice in how I feel. I can acknowledge how unhappy I am in traffic and shift those feelings. I realize I have choices in how to feel…and not let this one situation wreck my whole day! The material aspects of LOA as taught by Abraham has been secondary to the liberation I’ve felt in recognizing that while I can’t control circumstances or other peoples’ reactions, I *do* have a choice in how *I* react to things. It’s been enormously helpful and liberating!
Hey Quan. I agree that Abraham/Esther Hicks give a much more holistic and mature insight into the LOA. Most likely the reason why books such as The Secret became so popular is that they reflect the modern mentality: the desire to accumulate material wealth and “success.” Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this, but when we base our happiness on it (like The Secret seems to encourage), then we suffer. Thanks for sharing your perspective.