Twin flame relationships are among some of the most potent connections of life – and it is said that they are increasing at an unprecedented rate.
Gone are the days of mating for power, royal influence, practicality and religious jurisdiction. Now, more than ever, we are free to meet and greet who we like, comb through thousands of possible suitors on the internet, and commit when we are ready. When else in history have we been granted such freedom?
But with this newfound freedom also comes the potential for immense growth both psychologically and also spiritually. This is where twin flames – also known as “twin souls”—come into the picture. What is so striking about twin flame relationships is that they are cataclysmic in their ability to revolutionize our lives, just as an earthquake is cataclysmic in its potential to transform any landscape.
Because of their sheer power and breath-taking catalytic nature, twin flame relationships are often romanticized, idealized and worshiped in unnecessary and misguided ways just as the false idol is lauded for its imaginary divinity. While the connections that twin flames have are indeed divine, they are also intensely unsettling. And in this article you’ll discover why.
7 Misconceptions About Twin Flame Relationships
If you want comfort, pray for a soul mate. That is my piece of advice. Why? Because soul mate relationships, although challenging at times, are essentially places in which we can feel at ease. Also soul mates (soul + mates) are not always necessarily romantic, and can range from kindred spirits found in friendships, family connections, and even work relationships. On the other hand, it is said that we only have one twin flame that we may or may not reunite with during our lifetimes (hence the binary word “twin”).
Also, the goal of a soul mate is to bridge the separation between “self” and “other.” The goal of the twin flame, however, is much different. In my experience, the role of the twin flame is to aid you in the development of inner wholeness, harmony and self-realization (Oneness) – but this journey certainly isn’t full of sunshine and roses. In fact, the meeting of two twin flames is like the meeting of the sun and moon, earth and sky, fire and water: both partners mirror precisely what the other lacks. Understandably this can create divine harmony, but also intense conflict within a relationship.
So what are the most common myths and misconceptions about twin flame relationships? And furthermore, what can you expect if you have truly met your soul’s twin?
Myth 1 – Your twin flame completes you.
Reality – Your twin flame helps you to become more complete. They do not complete you.
It sounds so beautiful to “be completed” by another person, and on one level this is true of twin flames. Twin flames complete us in the sense that they serve as the catalysts to our wholeness. In other words, our twin flames reveal to us what areas we are lacking (in my case it was empathy, humility, and compassion). However, our twin flames in and of themselves do not complete us. Why? Because beneath all the layers of beliefs, wounds, conditionings, and ego-masks lies pure, infinite, perfection. How can pure, infinite, perfection ever be incomplete? It only thinks it is incomplete. And that is the role of our twin flames; to remind us of the truth of who we are. I explore this concept more in my Twin Flame book.
Myth 2 – Your twin flame is a member of the opposite sex.
Reality – Your twin flame might be the same gender as you.
The heterosexual ideal still pervades a lot of twin flame literature. But life doesn’t adhere to traditional thought, religious influence, or even the gender binary system. In reality, your twin flame could be the same sex as you, which might cause you to question your sexuality and other beliefs about life.
Myth 3 – Your twin flame is just like you.
Reality – Your twin flame is most likely your “opposite.”
Although you both share many similarities, you also share a striking number of differences. However, these differences deeply contribute to the relationship rather than taking away from it. For example, while you might be an introvert, your partner might be more outgoing. While they might be more masculine, you might be more feminine. And you will both share opposing strengths and weaknesses, e.g. you might be more thoughtful, they might be more practical; you might be impulsive, they might be measured; you might be calm, they might be anxious, and so forth.
Essentially, you are both the embodiment of the “yin and yang.”
Myth 4 – Your twin flame will come at the right time and be in the right place.
Reality – Your twin flame might appear at the worst possible time.
Or … they might appear at the best possible time. Life isn’t always predictable. For instance, you might meet your twin flame, but discover that they are already married. Or you might connect with your twin flame at a bad time (e.g. during or after a crisis). There is no set rule.
Myth 5 – You will always recognize your twin flame straight away.
Reality – You might not initially recognize your twin flame until much later in life.
We are all at different levels, or stages, of conscious development in life. Sol and I refer to this as “soulful maturity” and speak about this in terms of soul ages (which symbolizes the various points we inhabit on our paths of Wholeness). In this regard, younger souls will have a much harder time distinguishing their twin flames from garden-variety lovers – until they realize that no matter how far they travel, they will always return back to their twins. Older souls, on the other hand, will have a much easier time recognizing their twin flames, but might also be subject to romanticizing or idealizing the connection, resulting in a lot of frustration (which we’ll explore next).
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Myth 6 – Twin flame relationships are always happy, smiley, and perfect.
Reality – Twin flame relationships can be tumultuous, overwhelming, and intense.
Is the perfect relationship to you defined by complete harmony? Is the perfect relationship to you characterized by complete understanding, acceptance and humility? While these qualities do define twin flame relationships after many years of inner work, they don’t always. In fact, at the beginning, twin flame relationships can be riddled with the most intense arguments and clashes conceivable. Many people refer to this as “karmic cleansing” where all our faults, flaws, and deepest core wounds are brought to the light to be dealt with and healed. Of course, this can be extremely unsettling, particularly when two big egos are involved in maintaining their illusion of greatness.
The tricky thing is, our twins know precisely what buttons to push, and precisely how to stir up and provoke our greatest fears, shames and secrets like no one ever has before. This is usually not done with malicious intent, but to encourage growth, for both partners empathically feel the others’ pain and desire for their self-realization.
Myth 7 – You’ll immediately be ready to invite your twin flame into your life.
Reality – You might not be ready to open up to your twin flame.
As I mentioned before, our twin flames don’t always arise at the right time and place in our lives. In my own case, I was still in the depths of religious conditioning and dogma when I met Sol, so it took me many months before I could realize the true, deep significance of the connection. In your own case it might take many months, even years to truly fathom the significance of your twin flame who may or may not play an active role in your life, and vice versa. Due to the intensity of twin flame relationships, it is common for them to disintegrate very quickly, and later re-emerge later in life when both partners are emotionally, mentally and spiritually ready.
Have you ever experienced a twin flame relationship? Finally, what other myths have you come across that have’t been mentioned in this article? Please share your insights below.
I’ve always thought my husband was my soulmate. When we first met it was this insane, intense attraction. And it was indeed the worst time for me to have met him. The attraction, the needing, the inseparable feeling we still have after 14 years, even with much turbulence. This connection sometimes feels like torture. It’s so heavy. We are exact opposites. He is a critical, introverted Virgo. A “No” man. And I’m an outgoing, overly positive Gemini, yes to everything. He teaches me structure and discipline, and I teach him joy and compassion. We drive each other crazy! I want my own house. I want to paint on the walls and let racoons in the house. He wants sterile, pristine perfection. More than anything though, we want each other.
Thank you for making this, I have been trying to find good sources for this, and this is one of the few of them that I trust. I get mine 10 years ago, and I have been throw hellfire over this person. He wasn’t even supposed to technically be at my college where we first met because he wasn’t a student.
I also liked how you mentioned the heteronormative view of Twin Flames because Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine get used to describe each flame and I’m non-binary, who leans more towards masculine ways of expression. So it always made me uncomfortable to hear those terms used in that manner, because it seemed like people use them as another word for “man” and “woman”.
I also have to mention how I definitely approved of how you mentioned the romanticization of Twin Flames, since even in literature it seems like people understand the level of love and devotion but never truly understand what it feels like when that person is kept away from you. It’s like people are unwilling to explore this darker aspect of the relationship, and tbh it’s almost borderline offensive and as a writer I am going to show everyone what happens when you do just that lol.
Just yesterday I realized that the waiting is overwhelming me. I am getting thinner and thinner everyday with no sickness.
So I decided to walk away despite all the inspiration and intuition I had. But the greatest thing about it is that I have discovered myself. I have realized where I am so wrong in my life journey. The career I chooses,the relationship and life paths. So when I was telling his friend yesterday I told him that the only one thin I am grateful for is my Alignment. And now I feel peace and relaxed. Now reading this through has helped me to understand things so we’ll.
I found the complete oposite of me. My best friend. It got so intense. We went through so much together. A year felt like 11. But we were so similar. We had to go pir separate ways for the greater good. Im on my next chapter and i know that in another life we can try again. We always find our way bacm to eachother
guy dating girl 5 years younger
I actually met my twin flame when i was 11 years old, I was deeply scared of girls, to think to kiss one was terrifying, She resolved that in one day. she then went to a different school starting the next year, I didnt’ see her again until highschool. about 3-4 years later. I chased her a bit and she was alway hung up on some guy. Although we got along incredibly, we never dated . WE would cross paths only a handful of times over the course of 20 years even though we lived only 3 miles apart. At the age of 38 though I thought about Lori quite often and wondered what she was up to, I never looked her up until that day in August 2020, I commented on pic of her daughter and she ended up asking me to meet. Things took off like crazyin less than 2 months we were “In love” everything was perfect and we were even talking marriage. then all of a sudden she said she wasnt sure and wanted some space. we have not stopped seeing each other. Have only went 2 weeks over the past 3 months without seeign each other. Very rarely do we go a day without talking. we do things that couples do together, Christmas together, NYE together, dinners and movies. take thi kids to do things. We do tasks for each other that fit our strengths. I didnt know about twin flames until recently , he desire to stay friends and to see and my desire to pursue her is holding us together, though we bump heads about other people being involved and other things that are quite important, its obvious that we are never going to completely disappear. My life cam together in every aspect and i learned how to love again, hers is goign better to the extent that I was labeled as the best thing to happen to her in 2020.
The only thing that can explain us is that we are twin flames.
Oh how I wish I could talk to someone about all of this. But this will have to do, with hopes that someone happens across this and replies…
I am still trying to understand this TF thing. I feel as though I met mine. Unexpectedly, and it’s been increasing craziness in my life ever since. Without too many details…everything seems to be falling apart, yet when I get to a fully overwhelmed state I get a feeling that it will be ok. I’m not really religious, so I don’t feel it’s exactly a higher power whispering in my ear. Nor do I think it’s him, rather, that the plan is going the way it’s meant to, as horrible as it has been.
I believe we are in the seperation phase. We still occasionally interact, but not like we did previously. Originally it was daily, multiple conversations. Now if he replies to me it’s a surprise. I am trying my best to do my self work. And that started before I had even heard of a TF, it’s not something I started because I read it’s supposed to happen. I guess I’m the chaser. I refuse to give up on him, although I will be completely stop contact for a bit due to personal things in my life. Oddly it looks like he’s started on a journey of self work-although he’s done it before, we will see if it sticks this time.
We are FRIENDS, nothing more. I honestly don’t know that I’d want more. I love him completely. I cherish him, care about him, want to protect him. I find him attractive in a way I can’t explain, it’s not his physical appearance though. I do think we would be absolutely on fire in bed if we went that way, but I don’t know that it could last and I’d hate to lose what connection we have. I am in a relationship with someone I thought was a soulmate, however it’s been trying lately and neither of us is so sure of that anymore. So things with my possible TF have been complicated since we met anyway. It’s odd. I could sense him before, his emotions, even smell his cologne. Again, I’m in a relationship so I wasn’t TRYING to do any of this. I had a very intense physical manifestation involving touching (in ways I had never experienced nor thought of) and images in my head of him on a few occasions too, when I wasn’t even thinking of him. Not sure where those came from. But I don’t feel him anymore, not for a long time. He’s very intense, and strong willed, I wonder if he’s blocked his energy. I can’t stay mad at him, even for things I typically would. I described him as my mirror once…again, before I heard of a TF. And as a yin/yang. It’s strange. We are so much alike, yet so different. He has crazy outbursts of emotion that he allows out-I get very strong emotions but try to NEVER let them out. It’s as if, we are the same inside but total opposites. If that makes sense. I feel as though I completely understand him, although he’s super private about some things so he’s never confirmed everything I say-but he has some. I am also very private, and shy-but somehow I feel completely at ease to be myself with him, even giving my opinion where I normally would be scared to. I don’t feel that he completes me, rather, that he lets me be comfortable as me. I envy those that had been able to confirm that their TF felt the same as they do, since I have not. I can only surmise by subtle comments and actions that he at least cared somewhat. And now I guess it will be a good test, to see if he comes back. I feel it will be a while though. I had the feeling earlier this year I needed to make sure he knew I cared about him, I hope I succeeded enough that he will keep that in his heart in the days/months/years ahead. I am trying to complete myself so I don’t feel the need to try to cling to him or his energy as I navigate some intense personal issues. A hug, in this realm or the ethereal, would go a long way right now. Or at least an arm around my shoulder. For many years I felt there was a…presence…that would come when I was falling apart to hold me tightly. Now Im left wondering if it was him. I haven’t had a visit in a long time, I do miss it. I thought for a long time it was my partner, but now I simply don’t know anymore. Hopefully one day the path will be revealed and with it will be peace and acceptance for who I am.
I feel like you are describing my journey. I met him online during Covid. Covid brought me the fear of time, I kept feeling that I was running out of time to meet the lover that my heart has been looking for for so long. When I met him he was not someone I would be attracted to, I did not even like him much. Eventually he ran and I became the chaser. I have learned to truly love myself, however there are still those pesky fears that pop up. I’m not chasing anymore, but I feel his presence in y life. I confessed my love, he responded that he did not shared the same feelings for me. This was hurtful, but I’m focus on surrendering and fully trusting source. The hardest part is feeling this an’s energy in my life, yes I can smell him, even thought we have never met in person. be blessed
Wow! I felt like I was reading my story when I came across yours! I met mine online as well. His message caught my eye, but I didn’t find him attractive physically. He was brand new to the area, but that wasn’t a deal breaker for me. We chatted online for a few days before deciding to meet in person. We could not for the life of us make it work! It was so odd, because we were literally in the same part of the city! So we tried for another time, after he got back from camping. I ended up ghosting him because I found out some info about him that screamed “run away!” He sent me a message and made a post on FB that I had no doubt was a hurt reaction to my ghosting. I figured that was it, but then he messaged me AGAIN, and I felt his confusion. I felt terrible, which I tried to portray in my response. We finally met in person about a week later, which wasn’t planned. At all. We had our 1st video chat, and while chatting, I felt this sudden urge to have him right there with me. So I picked him up, and we proceeded to spend the rest of the week practically inseparable. We both felt the intensity and passion in everything we did together. Sex wasn’t sex. It was an emotional connection; an intertwining of our energies. Fast forward to the break up fight a week later. He shut down on me. On this. Went silent, except for the random responses to my texts. A week later, he subconsciously sent me a telepathic message. He was doing a reading on himself when he somehow unintentionally opened up and allowed me a peek into this
I think I’ve found my tf and we’re currently in the chaser/runner stage with me being the chaser. It’s weird how insecurity is the only thing that irks both of us, I feel like our relationship will work, he thinks it won’t. And honestly, I want nothing more than to get him back
I met someone who seems to be my TF, 13 days before my 70th birthday. My older brother had passed away a few years earlier and I had had some unexplainable experiences that were not at all frightening and oddly playful. Like a lifesize Olmec stone head holding a banana slug or small lizard, appearing next to me when I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up, looked at it, and got the feeling it was him laughing & saying he was fine and in an interesting place. So I booked a reading with a psychic medium. She channeled (?) my mother, my brother & told me that my dad was not there. I shared with her why I thought he might not be. She pretty much nailed it when she mentioned something my mother said. During the reading, I was oddly unsettled. I told her, I’m am a lifelong lesbian. She was closer to my age and I felt something familiar. She also told me that I had been a man in my incarnation just before this one & that I had been very deeply in love 3 times in my present life…though I had not asked about that. She told me that a lot of people liked me and I would meet a mature woman and be in awe of her spirituality, etc. Again, something I had not asked about. She said she felt like she could talk to me all day and gave me a phone number & a hug. I felt an energy infusion. I hugged her back. When I got home, it occurred to me that I had been pretty much a hermit for those same past 16 years. My last relationship ended after 5 years. It took me 8 years to get on even keel and I had not even so much as dated for all those 16 years. I was quite content, working on myself, retired, and doing pro bono advocacy, writing & hiking, biking, and cooking. Traveling a bit. I have friends, but not looking for anyone. Then I began thinking about the psychic. Suffice it to say one evening I was relieved of my hermit state. I have always been a bit of an intuitive empath. But what happened to me was like a telepathic sexual tsuname. I thought I was losing it. I thought maybe my abstinence had affected my mind. I began going over a list of possibles to get in touch with ASAP! But then a calm came over me and I had a clear image of the psychic medium. It was clear as a bell. I booked another reading. By the time I got another reading, covid-19 made in-person reading out of the question. We spoke on the phone and I told her what had happened. She was quiet, I told her I’d never experienced anything like it and at one point I thought it might be her…she was silent. Then she asked what did I think was happening, and asked if it was just a casual thing. I said no, at this point in my life I knew when I was beginning to fall deeply in love and I was looking for something much more. That was early 2020 and the last time we spoke in 3D. The telepathy has continued. I got an email with info on TF. I started reading everything I could find on it. I tried calling her at the phone number she gave me for the reading. No answer. I texted her at the same number asking if she would like to meet for coffee. No answer. Then I found out that she was still married. I stopped reaching out to her. She sent me a message on my Facebook page, it was 2 songs “let’s stay together” & “I’m coming out.” That post lasted for only 2 days and then disappeared. The telepathy continued. I realize that I have no way of reaching her other than the phone number she gave me or the website she has. As a mature lesbian, I would never “out,” her. I have suffered that devastation in my life and it was why I moved across the country to San Francisco 40 years ago. I also realize that what is happening is very much like something called “Gaslighting.” The more I read about it and about TF, the more red flags I saw. I started meditating and I was guided to send her a couple of poems that I had written early on incase she was unclear about what I wanted. I told her that I would not chase her. Still, to this day…silence. I’m seeing a therapist now. It’s difficult. I am trying to move on. I don’t look her up daily on social media anymore. I know she checks on me. I have checked a few gifted tarot readers. I know her astrological info. I know where she lives, I even know her home phone number but I dislike drama. I will never show up on her doorstep uninvited and I will not call her. I now resist & block her telepathy, though not entirely. TFs we may well be, but we don’t have decades/years to play a game that feels inherently harmful. Balance & communication is needed, but totally absent. Most of the tarot readers say this is divinely arranged. I have appealed to my guides/angels. The messages are to have patience but I don’t have to wait. Unless she somehow finds the courage to speak, communicate there is nothing to keep me here. My friends advised me to withdraw and block her. I didn’t. I think she is terrified or has no intention of coming out &/or does not want to let go of her husband or “straight” persona. I’ve no desire to go back decades to jumping in and out of the closet and basically living a lie. The reality is that all we know of each other is our public personas. That is hardly enough to begin, let alone sustain a relationship of any kind. I do think there is something we are meant to do. Perhaps, hold the space for those who come after us…to make it easier for them to be who they are, to love who they love. I think the old heterosexist paradigm has to be put to a final rest. I’ve fought & endured sexism, racism, and homophobia. It cost me dearly back then. I am so much stronger for the experience. If we are TFs, then I must tell you dear one, that 71 will come sooner than you think. Fear will not keep it at bay, money is a poor substitute for love and there is no power on this earth nor in any dimension that can replace the love & intimacy, we deserve yet throw away. Your mind can not reason away what your heart & our soul desire. I wish you love & light.
My Twin isn’t in anymore. He was my Carpentry teacher when I was in school and unfortunately had to leave because it was the beginning of my very first life crisis at 20/21 years old!
This explains to me that I am correct knowing and feeling he is my twin soul, yet because of what happened we can’t be together. . . I also only want him as a friend in my life as I respect that he’s married to the love of his life, however, I know he is my Twin Soul. . . I saw myself in his eyes, and through his teaching, I saw my future in him as well. . . Kind of crazy. . . I also think he doesn’t like me after I had accidentally harassed him because I was losing my mind. . . There was and is something about him I can’t/couldn’t put my finger on like maybe he knew about us sharing a soul when we met, it sticks with me when he once said “Now you’ll start to notice” what could he possibly have meant?…. Oftentimes whenever he was speaking he would look directly at me and into my eyes like he was trying to hint that he knew, but now I feel like he doesn’t know at all, or knows and would rather deny our soul connection because of what I accidentally did put him through. Most intense experience in my life and turned my world upside down and it did a complete 180. . . I’m learning every day and what he has taught me about love.
Also is it possible that your Twin Soul is different sex than you but the same gender? I think he’s having trouble, just because he’s in a heterosexual marriage that his twin flame must be female. But my sex is female, however my gender is Male/Agender (one who does not have a specific gender; Neither or Both male and female/Non-Binary)
Thanks for this article, maybe it will also help him understand a but better.
( We met at the worst possible time in my life)
**My Twin Soul isn’t in my life anymore and I am perfectly okay with it now, even though I do miss him and wish he could teach me again**
I have found my twin flame about 35 years after we first knew each other. When we first met, I did not feel the connection that I have with him now. In fact, we we first met again, I had a dislike that had survived the years because he was such an a*hole when he was young. I eventually needed his help and once he arrived to help me, I felt the strong attraction. He was married and when his wife passed away, I felt his intense grief. He is definitely my soul’s other half. He can suggest things I should do and I don’t feel the annoyance I have felt in the past when someone tried to help me. I helped him navigate his way through the grief that he felt. Even now, I’m someone he can talk to about his wife and their past together. I can’t say I’ve never felt any twinges of jealousy, but I can say that I would never have gotten together with him if he hadn’t changed for her. He is healing from his grief and he has opened up his life to me in ways that he hadn’t before. I was 61 when we got together, 40 years after we first met, and I’ll be 66 in a couple of months.
To me this is all implying that twin flames are always a romantic relationship, and is basically equating twin flmaes to be our destined life partner. I do not believe that twin flmaes are always meant to become our life partners, but rather simply to put us through the necessary trials to gain deeper understanding of ourselves and our role in the universe. To peel back others of emotional and spiritual armour to expose the darkest or most undesirable (to ourselves, usually) aspects of who we are so that once confronted on them we can never feign innocence to them again. I don’t beleive that all twin flames are destined to spend their lives together. To me, that idea is too romanticized and takes away choice in relationships. It just doesn’t make sense that a person is necessarily fated to spend their life with a person who is basically their foil
I hate my twin flame and can’t stand the power she wants to control in others. She uses drugs and alcohol and doesn’t want to grow up.
How are you sure it’s a tf connection?
Hello!
In this article….you have penned that some twin flame’s especially younger ones do not recognizer each other instantly and it might take months or years too.
My question is….in one of your article introducing about what twin flame’s are…you have penned that “they instantly feel each other”?