There are many paths in life. But the longest of them all is the path to the heart.
If you resist this path, you will take lifetimes to find it again. If you surrender and embrace it, you’ll be home.
We’ve all been blinded by the blanket of emotions that comes from falling down the precipice of union into love. While we only have one word for it, the ancient Greeks in their pursuit of wisdom and self-understanding, found seven different varieties of love that we all experience at some point.
When we understand the different types of love out there, we can become conscious of how deep our connection is with ourselves and the other people in our lives.
8 Different Types of Love
What different types of love are you currently experiencing and how are they impacting your life?
1. “Eros” or Erotic Love
The first kind of love is Eros, which is named after the Greek god of love and fertility. Eros represents the idea of sexual passion and desire.
The ancient Greeks considered Eros to be dangerous and frightening as it involves a “loss of control” through the primal impulse to procreate. Eros is a passionate and intense form of love that arouses romantic and sexual feelings.
Eros is an exulted and beautifully idealistic love that in the hearts of the spiritually awakened can be used to “recall knowledge of beauty” (as Socrates put it) through Tantra and spiritual sex. But when misguided, eros can be misused, abused and indulged in, leading to impulsive acts and broken hearts.
Eros is a primal and powerful fire that burns out quickly. It needs its flame to be fanned through one of the deeper forms of love below as it is centered around the selfish aspects of love, that is, personal infatuation and physical pleasure.
Love Catalyst: The physical body
2. “Philia” or Affectionate Love
The second type of love is philia, or friendship. The ancient Greeks valued philia far above eros because it was considered a love between equals.
Plato felt that physical attraction was not a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, “without physical attraction.” Philia is a type of love that is felt among friends who’ve endured hard times together.
As Aristotle put it, philia is a “dispassionate virtuous love” that is free from the intensity of sexual attraction. It often involves the feelings of loyalty among friends, camaraderie among teammates, and the sense of sacrifice for your pack.
Examples in Films: Girl with a Pearl Earring, The Girl Next Door
Love Catalyst: The mind
3. “Storge” or Familiar Love
Although storge closely resembles philia in that it is a love without physical attraction, storge is primarily to do with kinship and familiarity. Storge is a natural form of affection that often flows between parents and their children, and children for their parents.
Storge love can even be found among childhood friends that is later shared as adults. But although storge is a powerful form of love, it can also become an obstacle on our spiritual paths, especially when our family or friends don’t align with or support our journey.
Love Catalyst: Causal (Memories)
4. “Ludus” or Playful Love
Although ludus has a bit of the erotic eros in it, it is much more than that. The Greeks thought of ludus as a playful form of love, for example, the affection between young lovers.
Ludus is that feeling we have when we go through the early stages of falling in love with someone, e.g. the fluttering heart, flirting, teasing, and feelings of euphoria.
Playfulness in love is an essential ingredient that is often lost in long-term relationships. Yet playfulness is one of the secrets to keeping the childlike innocence of your love alive, interesting and exciting.
Love Catalyst: Astral (Emotion)
5. “Mania” or Obsessive Love
Mania love is a type of love that leads a partner into a type of madness and obsessiveness. It occurs when there is an imbalance between eros and ludus.
To those who experience mania, love itself is a means of rescuing themselves; a reinforcement of their own value as the sufferer of poor self-esteem. This person wants to love and be loved to find a sense of self-value. Because of this, they can become possessive and jealous lovers, feeling as though they desperately “need” their partners.
If the other partner fails to reciprocate with the same kind of mania love, many issues prevail. This is why mania can often lead to issues such as codependency.
Love Catalyst: Survival instinct
6. “Pragma” or Enduring Love
Pragma is a love that has aged, matured and developed over time. It is beyond the physical, it has transcended the casual, and it is a unique harmony that has formed over time.
You can find pragma in married couples who’ve been together for a long time, or in friendships that have endured for decades. Unfortunately pragma is a type of love that is not easily found. We spend so much time and energy trying to find love and so little time in learning how to maintain it.
Unlike the other types of love, pragma is the result of effort on both sides. It’s the love between people who’ve learned to make compromises, have demonstrated patience and tolerance to make the relationship work.
Love Catalyst: Etheric (Unconscious)
7. “Philautia” or Self Love
The Greeks understood that in order to care for others, we must first learn to care for ourselves. This form of self-love is not the unhealthy vanity and self-obsession that is focused on personal fame, gain and fortune as is the case with Narcissism.
Instead, philautia is self-love in its healthiest form. It shares the Buddhist philosophy of “self-compassion” which is the deep understanding that only once you have the strength to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin, will you be able to provide love to others. As Aristotle put it, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.”
You cannot share what you do not have. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else either. The only way to truly be happy is to find that unconditional love for yourself. Often learning to love yourself involves embracing all the qualities you perceive as “unlovable”, this is where shadow work comes in.
Love Catalyst: Soul
8. “Agape” or Selfless Love
The highest and most radical type of love according to the Greeks is agape, or selfless unconditional love.
This type of love is not the sentimental outpouring that often passes as love in our society. It has nothing to do with the condition-based type of love that our sex-obsessed culture tries to pass as love.
Agape is what some call spiritual love. It is an unconditional love, bigger than ourselves, a boundless compassion, an infinite empathy. It is what the Buddhists describe as “mettā” or “universal loving kindness.” It is the purest form of love that is free from desires and expectations, and loves regardless of the flaws and shortcomings of others.
Agape is the love that is felt for that which we intuitively know as the divine truth: the love that accepts, forgives and believes for our greater good.
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Love Catalyst: Spirit
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Thanks to the ancient Greeks, we can learn from all the different types of love in our lives. Because of these distinctions, we can learn that in order to truly enjoy eros we must also search for greater depths through philia and cultivate ludus, avoiding mania as our relationships mature. It’s through these efforts that we’ll find pragma in our soulmate or twin flame relationships.
Finally, through the power philautia and agape we can come to understand how amazing our human hearts really are. Our hearts are the only things in the universe that grow larger the more they give to others.
If you’d like to deepen your knowledge of love, take our free love languages quiz to find what your love language is!
Nice!!!
This makes sense to me! Love the explanations. I feel as though I need to study and think about this much more!
Bovine Scatology
The information is an eye opener. I was only familiar with the Agape type of love. Thank you
From my perspective, I think we should stay away from ‘mania’. Don’t just seek ‘eros’ – it usually ends badly. Cultivate ‘philia’ by sending more time with your friends and family. Add some frivolity into your life from time to time with ‘ludic ‘activities. Seek ‘Pragma’ for a long-lasting relationship. Indulge in ‘storge, let your maternal and paternal instinct out. For the lonely souls out there, get yourself a dog! Practice ‘philautia’ to stay away from stress, anxiety and depression. And for the most advanced students, seek ‘Agape’. Joanne Reed Author of ‘This Is Your Quest”
Hi,
Actually the Greek word agape, did not exist with this meaning before the writing of the Greek New Testament. This word was used of God’s love for people who did not earn, or deserve it. It is a benevolent love. It describes God’s love for us. It is the word Jesus used in the command to “love your enemies” to love God with all your heart and your neighbour as yourself.
The Buddhists had no similar word because the goal of buddhism is to achieve nirvana where you are detached from feelings and desire.
Thanks for considering another viewpoint
God’s grace and peace to you
I will ling up with this sight a little later. I’m studying right now.
Hi,
This is a great article, and a fun read. I personally would like to see it here that Asexual and Aromantic people do not experience the majority of the love types. Hence, all of us do not experience these love types, as mentioned in the introduction.
Thank you.
Hey, Seamus,
I’m an aromantic asexual myself, and I’d say we experience all of the love types, except eros, including mania and ludus – just without the sexual and romantic elements (for example, one can be needy and obsessive in friendships, and be playful and exhilarated when seeing a family member / friend).
A lot of things today are based on romantic and sexual feelings and ideas, but nothing is inherently romantic/sexual per se (except sex, obviously). It makes sense to write in this way to make it all easier to understand. Also, in reality, I’d say there are as many types of love as are of colors, and just like we have primary color categories, we have primary love categories. However, I definitely relate to, and understand your comment.
Just wanted to add my two cents.
Cheers!
Thank for your helpful article. Like this the information is easy to convey to others, who might be stuck in a tricky situation. Great Help!! – Christopher.
Hi!
I would love to cite this article in my thesis, this is EXACTLY what I need, but I’ve been told by my professor I can’t. What sources did you use for this? The links you have in this article just link to other articles. Please help!
Thanks!
I am exactly in the same page! Luna & Sol, please share that information with me too. and by the way I love your work, you guys are part of the Solution!
Love the opening,…”There are many paths in life. But the longest of them all is the path to the heart.” Mateo Sol
Unfortunately the topic was confined to base-energy ideas of love from a Greek perspective,…which seems fine for those identified with the lower 6 substance levels of Spiral Dynamics.
As for “agape,”….this is a mental love, and has nothing to do with Unconditional Love,…1 Cor 13:7 describes it as, “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This form of love, that is, bearing, believing, hoping and enduring is not authentic love, but the submission, devotion, expectation and suffering to the conditions of their religions brewed beliefs.
Unconditional Love is neither biological, chemical, instinctual, emotional, or mental. Unconditional love is uncovered when we let go of Long Paths, and surrender to the Short Path.
Agape love is misapplied in your reference to 1 Cor 13:7. It is found in Rom 5:8. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Your intentions are admirable, but in rejecting accountability to your Creator, and His provision for fellowship with Him in holiness, you have lost your way. Unfortunately, those drawn to your philosophy of enlightenment will end as lost as you are. Sad to see such devotion manipulated through delusion.
I think a mother’s unconditional love for her child is biological via the physical bonding of carrying that being within her for nine months – the child is forever a part of her. A father’s love is perhaps more instinctual, but certainly, more conditional. I know a mother of an emotionally conflicted adult child who stated
“I love him, but I don’t like him.”
Mateo, may I have permission to reprint your article, ‘8 Different Types of Love According to the Ancient Greeks’ with attribution and a link, on the Whole Human blog?
Thanks Gary for the request. We have a page dedicated to reposting our work and the instructions we encourage :).
Great article. Impressive commentary. Author’s intention brings light to others.
Thank you so much for this loving share of wisdom <3 I am grateful to share it forward.
These concepts are so sadly lacking in the English language, and although I’m not a linguist I get the impression they are inadequate in most other modern languages. I wish we had all these words in our langauges today, splitting up the one single ambiguous mysterious enigmatic word “love” into these distinct concepts gives a much greater understanding of ourselves, our nature, and our society.
Maybe many heartbreaks might’ve been avoided if people were able to think and discuss more clearly how these different types of feelings influence us.
Great article.
I am grateful for this wonderful article. It’s important to know the origin of words and meaning for self developement and educational purpose . Thank you.
Great article! I enjoyed reading it and I want to thank you for taking the time to build it! I will be visiting again, that’s for certain.
This is an important list with insightful definitions. Thank you!