Our Twin Flames, or Twin Souls, are said to be our perfect vibrational matches in this world. We unite with our Twin Flames to experience soulful transformation and the fulfilment of our personal potentials in this life.
However, connecting with our Twin Flames is an intense, overwhelming and sometimes excruciating experience. This is because it riles up old fears, wounds and ego blockages. As a result, every Twin Flame relationship eventually experiences what we refer to as the “runner and chaser” dynamic.
This period of life is both complex and extremely distressing for both partners who, deep down, simply desire Union.
What is the Twin Flame Runner and Chaser Dynamic?
When we think about the Twin Flame relationship in terms of stages, the Runner and Chaser dynamic represents stage six. It is preceded by a level of immense inner turmoil as personality differences, egos and old core wounds flare up. Eventually, as tensions rise to an explosive level, the only “way out” is to try and escape from the relationship in some shape or form. This process of distancing or “running” can be either physical or psychological, or both.
Often running away from the intense love within a Twin Flame relationship involves returning back to an ex-partner, travelling, silent treatments, constant arguments, workaholism or simply leaving for no clear reason.
In this stage, the Runner often represents the more wounded “younger” soul, and the Chaser often represents the more mature “older” soul. In other words, while one partner is open to the purifying fires of love, the other finds the dissolution of their boundaries intimidating and too much to handle.
When Luna and I got together, we too experienced the twin flame runner and chaser stage. For us this was a tormenting time because we felt so much love for each other, yet we could barely sit peacefully in the same room together. Almost every day we would argue and clash, sometimes even into the early hours of the morning. While Luna played the role of the (emotional) Runner, I played the role of the Chaser.
For us, this stage carried on for about 6 intense months, and then more mildly for another year. However, the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage can vary greatly from couple to couple.
6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Flame
If you are in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage, you might be feeling extremely vulnerable, angry, overwhelmed and confused at the moment.
I want to share with you six tips that have helped us to personally get through this stage:
1. Is your twin flame really trying to hurt you?
Firstly, it’s important that you ensure that you’re not actually in a co-dependent or emotionally abusive relationship. Unfortunately for some couples, this could be a very real possibility. Don’t confuse arguments, differences in character and insecurity for the more sinister forms of manipulation, control and abuse. If you think this may be a problem for you, read through the three types of emotional abuse in this article.
If you are in a Twin Flame relationship, it will be clear that your partner doesn’t intend to cause you harm. The harm they cause you is unintentional and is a product of their own unresolved pain. However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, it will be clear that the harm your partner causes you is intentional.
2. Think about what it is that triggers you in your partner’s behavior.
A trigger can be anything from a certain look, a tone of voice, a phrase, an action, or anything that “triggers” an emotional response within you. Once you have discovered what it is that triggers you (e.g. when your partner starts becoming opinionated), you may like to ask, “Why does that bother me so much?” Try to go deeper than answers like, “He thinks he knows everything,” or “She isn’t listening to what I’m saying.” Find the emotion that is attached to the trigger – for instance, annoyance, bitterness or resentment – and keep digging deeper. It is likely that you will uncover many harmful ideals, beliefs and personal issues beneath your layers of emotion.
Here is an example: You get offended and aloof every time your partner interrupts you. You then ask, “Why is that?” You get upset because he isn’t respecting what you’re saying. “Why is that a problem?” That’s a problem because it feels like he doesn’t love you. “Why is that an issue?” You feel alone and abandoned. Here we can see that the true issue is the underlying fear of being alone and unappreciated.
3. Learn to openly communicate with your twin flame.
Open communication rarely comes naturally. Instead, it is something that the majority of us have to learn and master throughout our lives. When we fail to communicate openly we hide our emotions, keep our thoughts and perspectives to ourselves, and don’t speak up when something bothers us. If something bothers you about your partner’s behavior it is much better to openly and gently talk with them about it rather than hide it away and let it fester. Open communication is something the two of you should openly discuss and agree to work on. For an excellent open communication guide, we recommend reading “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg.
4. Learn how to empathize with your twin flame’s perspective.
This can be extremely hard to do, especially when you’re caught up in your own perceptions and feelings, but it is worth learning. Why? Developing this skill will help you to develop empathy, and this will help your relationship to mature immensely. We recommend starting with the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness can be practiced through a traditional meditation practice, by learning to live in the moment, by spending time alone in reflection, by mindful breathing, and many other methods. The more proficient you become at learning how to observe instead of react to your emotions, the easier it will be for you to empathize with your Twin Flame. Remember that your partner grew up in a different context and therefore possesses different life experiences, different genetics and a different personality. Remember that what they think, feel and believe is true for them but not necessarily true for you, and respect that.
5. Ask, “What am I being taught?”
Whenever you both get into a squabble or experience tension, ask yourself, “What is it that my Twin Flame is trying to teach me through their words or actions right now?” Perhaps you need to develop more patience, understanding or forgiveness. In the end, our twin flames are like vessels through which the harshest, but most valuable lessons of life are transmitted. Only when you open yourself to learning these lessons can you grow as a person.
6. Forgive each other
Realize that each of you carry your own different types of pain. Every argument and every rash and hurtful decision is a product of unresolved pain. When you both learn to understand this, you can both forgive each other and allow the love you feel to cleanse all wounds.
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Twin flames expose the shadow qualities and core wounds within us, helping them to be brought to the light. While this period of your relationship might feel eternal, its purpose is to help you heal, open and learn how to embody unconditionally love.
Are you in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage? Perhaps you’d like to share with us your experience below.
10 years of knowin each other before 2.5 years of dating, followed by (now) 8 months of the most excruciating pain. We both love each other, there’s just too much depression and sabotaging on his end at the moment. We are in the runner/chaser stage now More so than ever before but I’ve been reading a lot and getting into more spiritual practices. I sent mental notes to him every day and my heart still burns for him. We went through a similar situation previously when I went to college and it took 3 years for him to realize he wanted me around and 4 for him to actually pull the trigger.
My big obstacle is patience and self love, because I always put him first and I know the universe is nudging me to take care of me. Fingers crossed.
Wow. Reading these comments makes me think are we talking about the same guy. I’m clearly the chaser who’s fears are based on 30+ years of self limiting beliefs, physical and emotional abuse imposed by family members then lead to choosing 1 abusive boyfriend after another only to cement that bullshit thinking even further down to my core. We too are in the runner chaser mode but it seems like this will stay like this because we’ve never got past it. It’s been over 10 years of knowing each other then went our separate ways for around 4 years. I never got over him but I tried to move on the best I could. Started traveling which helped but not a day goes by that I don’t long to see his beautiful face or hear his endearing laugh. Nights are the hardest. then not 2 days after I told a friend. I think I might finally be over him….Boom…. ran into him the following morning. I wasn’t holding my breadth when he said we should go to dinner and catch up. But he surprised me, he really started to pursue me this time and it seemed like the timing was better. Kids were grown and he was acknowledging things (feelings) and I thought it was headed somewhere this time but then we get really close and he runs. So my usual issues, fears insecurities reared again and it’s been rocky since then and agonizing year we did have what I thought was a breakthrough and on the third date we were intimate and I haven’t seen him since he ran I did my usual (taking my crap out on him) at the time the texts I sent were really how I was feeling but after reading this articles we are projecting our own crap on to each other. I’m horrified because I recognized my stuff in what I said to him. Honestly, I can’t do it anymore I have nothing but unconditional love for this man and I realized if running every time we get close makes him happy and to put all that distance between us as well. At least he’s happy. I want him to be happy. We don’t stop loving just because someone doesn’t love us back. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m shocked how many people seem to be experiencing the same thing. I’m not alone as I thought. Take care. Good luck!
Few months ago, I met someone online whom I suspect to be my twin flame. We were going through same issues, same scenario, feeling the same loneliness, and feel this strong pull toward each other. Since we met, in a matter of few months, our lives have changed immensely, many old relationships, fears, doors have fallen apart. He made me realize many things about what was lacking, what I need, and I think it went both ways. But we both still have current partners we are with and we are still in the unknown how that is going to go. I, sometimes, feel with certainty that our life is meant to be together and other times I am doubtful due to fears of my rational mind. This article popped up just in time. Just this morning, he said he was contemplating giving another chance to his old relationship and I let him go. I don’t feel either of us as runner and chaser. For me, the lesson is to let him go if that is where is path and happiness lies. It is hard especially when I think of the loneliness I felt before I met him. But what else is there to do in this path? Only thing I can do is learn my lesson, sit in peace with what is given and trust this path.
I met this guy about 10 years ago and for the first time in my life I felt like it was love at first sight. I later found out he felt the same, but at the time I was single n he was at home not married but 3 kids…We have remained close friends to this day n the attraction is still very strong. Yet, we have not made love because its not fair having an affair to me when I want forever. He is always there when I need and I am always there for him.He tells me I am his best friend and he loves me and wish we had met at different times in our lives. And although we try to distance ourselves to keep fighting the temptation every few months we end up meeting for drinks or a meal…I have been patiently waiting for him unconsciously though I’ve been in other relationship no one makes me feel like him. Could this man be my twin flame?… Its a fascinating concept to me and would explain why neither of us are happy in a relationship …I know I’m not and he complains about wanting to leave and says now kids are older he is ready to get his own place. I trust what he says because he has not lied to me that I’m aware and has always been brutally honest with me…I’m terrified of what is gonna happen and exhilarated at the same time, and trying not to get too hopeful that we can finally be together. Is this twin flame love? And oh n we both are fire signs my birthday is 4-10-74 and his is 11-26-79.
Does anyone have experience with a Twin that is married? It’s hard to tell just yet who is the runner or chaser in my dynamic. But he is married and I can feel how conflicted he is. The fire we share is immense, almost overwhelming to handle in day to day life because the energy is so consuming!! We share telepathically so I know is is so overwhelmed but is trying to process everything .. We basically just met …
I have always been a skeptical about spiritual matters as I was not raised to tap into that part of me. The reason I know I found my twin flame is because I felt and tried to express all of the described characteristics without any knowledge such a thing existed. I wasn’t searching for this but it found me. We have both been through a lot of pain in our lives. We are in active recovery situations. I told him I wanted to continue to see where this path leads us and he said he has to step away (first pleading and suggesting we remain friends and in each others lives, which I do not feel I am capable of), but echoed my sentiments. I feel this eerie calm (mixed with pain of not having him in my life). I have not felt the need to slip back into previous destructive behaviors. I have been feeling and building myself in his absence. I am absolutely praying to the universe for the patience and ability tol et him have his path, knowing that he will come back when he is ready. But I am so AFRAID of how long I will have to wait. I haven’t shared that I feel we are Twin Flames, because I am afraid that will distract him from his journey. But I am AMAZED at how we fell into this and have fall completely into every sign/category/characteristic of finding your Twin Flame. Completely petrified that neither of us will be equipped to handle this. Love him with all my heart. I have been in tons of relationships, and know this is more than a soulmate, more than anything of this world. I feel like we have so much growing to do together and amazing resources to help people through strengthening each other….so afraid to know we have this ability and it may never be realized. We naturally did what was described above, until it was too much for him and I was afraid I had to hold a bottom line. I also was fearful that if I didn’t let him go it would affect his recovery. I am so completely out of place in this spiritual world…any advice greatly appreciated.
I am in your same situation, my mind is blown that the connection and such deep love we feel for each other is a thing. I just found out that there was such a thing as twin flame. I just knew that the love we share is out of this world. We too are in recovery and we’ll things happened and he is not speaking to me and I’m not sure how to or if I should tell him about our being twin flames and the stages or if I should just be patient and let him find out on his own. I don’t know but the separation is excruciating. I feel as if I could die. I miss him so much. We are in turmoil. I don’t know what to do. Thank u for your share.
I feel like running again! Why? Geez!
My twin is a female, we are both females actually. And im the runner!
I used to strongly believe in the concept but am training myself to let it go. I can project the illusion on any one I wish to fill the seat. All the time it was just that – an illusion only my mind tricked myself to fall for. If I continue I will fall to the point of losing myself. I’ve let enough of my life slip by on a path unmet to my true soul’s path. Imagine a strand of hair split at the end, turn it around and that is how I see my timeline. Some lives do not include love with another in its design. Look at Elizabeth I. Her destiny was to rule as one, better that way in that position as any suitor is highly likely to be false. She did her job beyond great. I imagine her in private opposite her public self. Vulnerable, soft, emotional. How her heart must have ached to watch her favorite in love with another. How broken she was inside knowing her life would not be with love tangeled in. I relate to her, as it just didn’t want me. It’s ironic how the one simple thing in life I want is the only thing that will murder my soul. It’s a drug I am in the process of grieving, after sending it out for good. Love is my kryptonite. I’ll never have my Superman. I’ll never settle for who isn’t for me truly. As it just may be my truly is not a who but a what.
Some of us are a body of both flames but yet to find out. Don’t wait for someone to light your fire. Do it yourself before the cold freezes your heart.
I met him last month..intense, out there, so open, so deep, so connected…darn Mercury retrograde, lost him twice to silence in one month…now he is silent and gone again..I can’t move on..it was so new…I cry, I pray, I chase…I am more esoterically aware..he is more materialistically involved. I know it’s there for both of us, but how can I awaken it in him, I care, I don’t get upset, I send angels for protection…and I worry NOT getting a chance before he finds a rebound or rushing up or karmic partner….I am waiting and chasing and hurting….
The emotional pain that I experience daily now, that my twin and I are no longer deciding to see each other in the physical, is sometimes unbearable. Although, I’m becoming stronger than I ever thought that I could be. I’m a extremely confident person and I find myself being able to handle anything thrown my way more and more now that I’m going through the soul work. My twin and I may never union in this lifetime. I’m married to and he thinks I’ve “lost my mind” because of the texts I sent him after I realized he was my twin. He told me that he didnt believe it was true. I understand his perspective though. I could’nt believe it was true either. I’m positive that we were both as shocked as any 2 twins could be. The synchornicites and kundalini that happened to both of us were enough to make both of us run. I ran, then I chased..within day. This was because I didnt want to loose him right away. He ran and I would have done the same if he was married with a child. I want nothing more than to be in union with him though. I think about my beloved everyday, several times a day and my heart beats out of my chest often. Kundalini happens everyday. My 5th chakra (throat) gets so tight and heavy it brings me to my knees because I cant tell him how much I love him, and how our mission is what I want more than my marriage. He wont let me..he texts me to just shoot me down when I start to confess my love. I realize it’s to much for him to emotionally handle as he goes through the stages of awakening that he is currently journeying through. I was his wellness therapist..and now I cant tell him how I feel out of fear. I dont want to push away any more than he already is. He lives only about a mile away and we live in a small town. He was in Iran on a navy destroyer for 11 years on and off, so he was on the opposite side of the world for some time. We’ve been dealt a hard hand..but I know that this connection is on going, divine, and unbreakable, so I pray everyday that the creator bring us together sooner than later.
I will pray for you. With my twin soul, it so sad, we both are single and available and I am the chaser, he is the runner. I feel so bad that I will go through life despite knowing of his existence. I wish you luck and lots of hugs and prayers on your way.
Me and my twin have parted our ways last year. He hurt me too much and I had a crisis in all my beliefs. I believed him to be my twin flame but then everything has collapsed and I thought it might have just been an idealistic theory. I survived this crisis with yoga – it was the only spiritual practice I didn’t need to believe.
Few months later I felt his presence close to me (just like before he met someone else) and I thought he must be at work nearby. Then I saw his car and felt him telling me “I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry, so sorry. I love you”. I responded him in my head “But you did hurt me. I told you I have forgiven you. Now it is time you forgive yourself. I wish you well, I don’t want to see you now but I will always love you” “Thank you”
I didn’t come closer to his office, just passed by with peace in heart.
For months nothing happened. I met someone too, I have fallen in love but never so strongly as with my twin flame. One day I felt him again. Nothing more happened. Until my new boyfriend broke up with me. I cried, was disappointed. two week later I found out the real reason was new girlfriend. I felt like there was no more joy in me. My whole heart chakra was in mental pain. I couldn’t sleep because of that. At some point I felt again presence of my twin. He felt my pain and “came”. I felt as if he nudged me to lay down and receive healing. It was as if my heart constituted of many small inflammated hearts connected to the core by threads.
I felt him take each small piece in his “hands” and massage it with blue light. The moment he let go, it was cured. Blue has always been his colour. When he finished and gone away. Something else has begun. A very strong energy entered my body through feet and went up.
Next day I woke up completely healed of heartbreak. It was such a beautiful spiritual experience. I am so grateful that after all this time and trouble he was there for me, even if it was just his soul.
I wish that one day we could reconcile and talk about it. Maybe when we’ll both have settled down…
Is it possible for both to be running in different ways? I ask that because I am aware of the connection, he admitted early on of the connection but is now backtracking and pushing me away, only wants to be friends but lives (while he gets his life together and sleeps in my bed with me(and he’s completely celibate). I’m not in denial of the connection and this is where all my fears and wounds surface because he’s in complete denial to the point he says he was just drunk and it wasn’t anything serious and I’m nuts having feelings for him, which turns into emotionally arguing, which makes me look like the runner.
There’s many more details that tell me he’s in denial, biggest one is he was planning on moving closer to me and staying w me because he wanted to get to know me even better, he had it planned out and everything my jealousy kicked in due to an old wound and that was the turning point for him to say his feelings weren’t growing. How on earth does that happen in a week?! But yet, he still wants to hang out and then 3months later takes me up on the offer to move in, but making sure I know it’s just friends because he’s working on personal things.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I met, who I believe to be my TF, after marriage to my soulmate. I love my husband very much but have the strangest relationship with this other man. We are not constantly in touch but I just cannot get him out of my head. There is a very intense pull I have towards him. At times I feel he feels it too. There are a lot of emotions he brings up in me from anxiety and fear of losing him to inexplicable unconditional love. Thoughts about him are very comforting and help sustain a spiritual connection. I do not believe this relationship has any consequence in this lifetime but know that we have many more lives to live through together.
I’m the chaser. She’s the runner. I’m feeling that familiar tug again in my chest, but she’s let me go, so I must also let her go and move on, if there is life after this “death”. I’ve been suicidal but resolute to get through this, because I KNOW someone can love and accept me unconditionally. I deserve better.
I am convinced that the man I’ve been dating off and on is my twin flame. Time and distance is always an obstacle. And we constantly leave and come back. I sometimes swear I will never have anything to do with him again because of intense emotions good and bad and then after a few days of immense pain of being away from each other we somehow are drawn back. The way I describe my love for him is intense unconditional love. Then there are some behaviors on both our parts that make me doubt my twin flame suspicion. This is all very confusing to say the least.
Could ur twin flame have passed away mine im sure was my BFF from 10 to 27 when she died suddenly we could feel when things were wrong w each other we married guys that were BFF we couldn’t be away from each other we were so close people used to talk bout it
¡Saludos! This is wonderful, thank you for sharing your own experience. I’ve never been in a couple relationship before, even so, the tips you’re sharing resounds in me and I find them very helpful to all relationships, specially in the relationship with oneself, since they serve as mirrors to help us remember our True Essence as we integrate and transcend. Blessings to both of you.
Gracias Alice, I’m blessed to be able to share my experience and lessons I’ve learned along the way. We hope to be able to write further on love and making ourselves available to it in future articles.
Much love,
Sol
Well I just don’t know what to say at this point. It’s a great article, it’s not that… it’s just I’m rather lost. I feel strongly that the young man I dated 9 yrs ago is my Twin Flame, but at the same time, I know that it’s one-sided. So perhaps, I am crazy. I re-united with him 4 years ago, only to be hurt all over again when he was not interested in me than more than a casual friend. I am tired of hurting. I wish I could know there is some way this will all be resolved. He is now happy and in love with someone who he considers wonderful. So maybe this is just all in my head.
I think you are overdramatising this love game.If a guy is not interested in you, remember that there is someone somewhere with whom you can have a mutually satisfying relationship. It’s enervating and stultifying to insist that someone is your twin soul and therefore must be your focus of attention. In the end,the only inevitable twin is your inner self.Find Him,forge an alliance with Him and experience unutterable LOVE.Thereafter,every other thing will fall into the right place.
This point of view interests me as well.. how to differentiate between these two situations? Someone being runner or just not interested?
A voice that resonates within my soul, Gaelic gypsy rhythm, Milligan’d wit, weaving an enchanting melody, so alluring and intoxicating. His magical touch lifts my wings, effortlessly, so gently, enabling me to soar higher than before, from the disbelief that I could fly, turquoise-indigo’d skies together we roam, never again will I Be alone. Like no one else, he is my Home.
Beautiful!
Thank you :-)