Our Twin Flames, or Twin Souls, are said to be our perfect vibrational matches in this world.
We unite with our Twin Flames to experience soulful transformation and the fulfillment of our personal potentials in this life.
However, connecting with our Twin Flames is an intense, overwhelming and sometimes excruciating experience. This is because it riles up old fears, wounds and ego blockages. As a result, every Twin Flame relationship eventually experiences what we refer to as the “runner and chaser” dynamic.
This period of life is both complex and extremely distressing for both partners who, deep down, simply desire Union.
What is the Twin Flame Runner and Chaser Dynamic?
When we think about the Twin Flame relationship in terms of stages, the Runner and Chaser dynamic represents stage six. It is preceded by a level of immense inner turmoil as personality differences, egos and old core wounds flare up. Eventually, as tensions rise to an explosive level, the only “way out” is to try and escape from the relationship in some shape or form. This process of distancing or “running” can be either physical or psychological, or both.
Often running away from the intense love within a Twin Flame relationship involves returning back to an ex-partner, travelling, silent treatments, constant arguments, workaholism or simply leaving for no clear reason.
In this stage, the Runner often represents the more wounded “younger” soul, and the Chaser often represents the more mature “older” soul. In other words, while one partner is open to the purifying fires of love, the other finds the dissolution of their boundaries intimidating and too much to handle.
When Luna and I got together, we too experienced the twin flame runner and chaser stage. For us this was a tormenting time because we felt so much love for each other, yet we could barely sit peacefully in the same room together. Almost every day we would argue and clash, sometimes even into the early hours of the morning. While Luna played the role of the (emotional) Runner, I played the role of the Chaser.
For us, this stage carried on for about 6 intense months, and then more mildly for another year. However, the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage can vary greatly from couple to couple.
6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Flame
If you are in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage, you might be feeling extremely vulnerable, angry, overwhelmed and confused at the moment.
I want to share with you six tips that have helped us to personally get through this stage:
1. Is your twin flame really trying to hurt you?
Firstly, it’s important that you ensure that you’re not actually in a co-dependent or emotionally abusive relationship. Unfortunately for some couples, this could be a very real possibility. Don’t confuse arguments, differences in character and insecurity for the more sinister forms of manipulation, control and abuse. If you think this may be a problem for you, read through the three types of emotional abuse in this article.
If you are in a Twin Flame relationship, it will be clear that your partner doesn’t intend to cause you harm. The harm they cause you is unintentional and is a product of their own unresolved pain. However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, it will be clear that the harm your partner causes you is intentional.
2. Think about what it is that triggers you in your partner’s behavior.
A trigger can be anything from a certain look, a tone of voice, a phrase, an action, or anything that “triggers” an emotional response within you. Once you have discovered what it is that triggers you (e.g. when your partner starts becoming opinionated), you may like to ask, “Why does that bother me so much?” Try to go deeper than answers like, “He thinks he knows everything,” or “She isn’t listening to what I’m saying.” Find the emotion that is attached to the trigger – for instance, annoyance, bitterness or resentment – and keep digging deeper. It is likely that you will uncover many harmful ideals, beliefs and personal issues beneath your layers of emotion.
Here is an example: You get offended and aloof every time your partner interrupts you. You then ask, “Why is that?” You get upset because he isn’t respecting what you’re saying. “Why is that a problem?” That’s a problem because it feels like he doesn’t love you. “Why is that an issue?” You feel alone and abandoned. Here we can see that the true issue is the underlying fear of being alone and unappreciated.
3. Learn to openly communicate with your twin flame.
Open communication rarely comes naturally. Instead, it is something that the majority of us have to learn and master throughout our lives. When we fail to communicate openly we hide our emotions, keep our thoughts and perspectives to ourselves, and don’t speak up when something bothers us. If something bothers you about your partner’s behavior it is much better to openly and gently talk with them about it rather than hide it away and let it fester. Open communication is something the two of you should openly discuss and agree to work on. For an excellent open communication guide, we recommend reading “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg.
4. Learn how to empathize with your twin flame’s perspective.
This can be extremely hard to do, especially when you’re caught up in your own perceptions and feelings, but it is worth learning. Why? Developing this skill will help you to develop empathy, and this will help your relationship to mature immensely. We recommend starting with the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness can be practiced through a traditional meditation practice, by learning to live in the moment, by spending time alone in reflection, by mindful breathing, and many other methods. The more proficient you become at learning how to observe instead of react to your emotions, the easier it will be for you to empathize with your Twin Flame. Remember that your partner grew up in a different context and therefore possesses different life experiences, different genetics and a different personality. Remember that what they think, feel and believe is true for them but not necessarily true for you, and respect that.
5. Ask, “What am I being taught?”
Whenever you both get into a squabble or experience tension, ask yourself, “What is it that my Twin Flame is trying to teach me through their words or actions right now?” Perhaps you need to develop more patience, understanding or forgiveness. In the end, our twin flames are like vessels through which the harshest, but most valuable lessons of life are transmitted. Only when you open yourself to learning these lessons can you grow as a person.
6. Forgive each other
Realize that each of you carry your own different types of pain. Every argument and every rash and hurtful decision is a product of unresolved pain. When you both learn to understand this, you can both forgive each other and allow the love you feel to cleanse all wounds.
Shadow Work Journal:
Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!
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Twin flames expose the shadow qualities and core wounds within us, helping them to be brought to the light. While this period of your relationship might feel eternal, its purpose is to help you heal, open and learn how to embody unconditionally love.
Are you in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage? Perhaps you’d like to share with us your experience below.
After looking back at my past relationship which ended about three weeks ago I believe that he was my twin flame and that we are in the runner/chaser stage. Any reassurance/guidance about him being my twin flame and how to continue on, is greatly appreciated and very much welcomed.
We met on my last day of working at a coffee shop. He had ordered something in the drive thru and when he pulled up to the window, my manager asked if I thought he was cute and I said yes. She then looked at me and told me that I was going to get his number. I protested and walked away, out of sight. I could hear her talking to him and she called me to come out so I did. She then asked him if he thought I was cute and he said yes. I passed him his order through the window and apologized to him for my managers actions. I guess she had given a pen and paper earlier when I was hiding because he hated me his number and with a big smile on his face said he hoped that he would hear from me soon.
I then waited about three months to contact him as I was ending things with my previous boyfriend before whom I had been with for about three years. Though when I did contact him and met him for coffee we talked continuously for five hours, closing out the shop and reluctantly parted ways. We had an instant connection and the conversation flowed so well. We both agreed that it had felt like we had known each other forever. Then our next meeting was a week later and we spent a day together, shopping, going out to eat, hiking, and for a long drive as we live in a scenic area. After that I waited a few months to contact him again. And when I did finally contact him we went to see a movie, out to eat, then sat and talked in his car for two hours. That night we shared our first kiss and after parting ways I waited another few months to contact him. During those months though I received signs pushing me back towards him, small ones at first and then the one that really pushed me was a twenty dollar bill with his name “Dan” written on it in all capital letters. I found it while cashing registers out one night at work. And after contacting him we hung out and it was like no time had passed. We continuously hung out every week for about three months and then he told me that he loved me and believed I was his soulmate. During these weeks he mentioned to me that he was seeing 11:11 more and more and was becoming more lucky in life and noticed random things in his day to day relating to me more. After he told me he loved me though I found out that he had to officially end things with two other girls before we began our relationship, which before I had asked if he was involved with anyone else and he told me no. I took it in the wrong way but he did explain it vaguely at the time, knowing the situation now he was not talking to them in a romantic way at all but just wanted to be polite and let them know he did not want to continue pursuing them. A month after telling me he loved me we began our relationship exclusively and it was perfect for about three to four months. Though I was holding onto him lying to me about talking to other girls though and continuously accused him of the act throughout the last five to six months of our relationship which hurt him and pushed him away. During these months though, he would randomly become distant which would enhance my insecurities. In the past two months we have broken up and gotten back together twice and have broken up a third time. I have been “chasing him” for three weeks now as he is “running”. He has been pushing me away, saying that he doesn’t want to be with me, that he wants space, that he is dating other girls and that when he said I was his soulmate it felt wrong. And I guess he was because we are twin flames. This past Thursday I received many signs pushing me to him. I work in a library and had to do books drops which entails going outside. While out there a truck exactly like his pulled into the parking lot and then on the other side of the building there was another parked. I then went inside and began to shelve books. A card was peaking out of a book that I had checked out for him in the fall so I opened it and found a Star Wars card, which is his favorite movie and the last one we had watched together. I later found out that the card was in fact his and has been in the book since he had it in the fall. I returned it about five months ago and it had circulated a few times so it still being in there, I believe to be a sign. Then on my way home listening to the radio which I never do, a song that he sent me to show how he feels came on and I drove by countless trucks like his, different colors and then one that was exactly like his but not him. Later that day at my hot yoga class his friends wife was in the class and we went to their wedding over the summer when our relationship was in picture perfect condition. I have seen her there once right after we broke up but she hadn’t been there in about two weeks until that day. I showed up at his house this past Saturday uninvited and he spent the day with me, talking. We ended things well but he said he still needed time and that he was going to continue dating other people. I messaged him on Sunday and we were going back and forth, fighting. He was saying hurtful and rash things that he does not mean and is just saying because I have not given him time. And then on Sunday afternoon I was given another sign, looking for VW wesfalia vans I clicked on an ad and they had named the van the same name he had his truck. But I am now blocked with no way of contacting him unless I show up to his house. I just found out about twin flames Sunday night, looking into it more and looking back on our relationship I believe we are and that we are in the runner/chaser stage. I want to share this information I have found with him because I think it would help but I just need reassurance that he could be my twin flame and how to go about reaching out to him.
I am not sure if I’ am in a twin flame relationship. Maybe someone here can guide me.
I met this man 11 years ago through a common friend. I remember just before this meeting I was in an extremely happy state. I had no idea why. Anyways I met him and there was a strange kind of attraction. I felt he could read me and later he told me he can read body language. I thought it was just one sided attraction. We were in different cities but we started chatting online almost every day. We would talk about everything. We kept meeting once in a while. I was so much at ease with him always, there was never a dull moment. we always connected well.
We went on a holiday with some other friends and we got intimate. It was just a spontaneous act and my body felt electrified. We touched each other everywhere but we didn’t have sex. The energy between us was overwhelming, we just couldn’t understand what was going on and it felt surreal. Till date I’ve never felt that way with anyone else .
We had 2 more sexual encounters but we never had sex, and we never dated. although i hoped 1 day we would.
Then suddenly he found someone and started dating her. When he told me this I was left hurt and I felt like a fool. He wanted me to act normal and be friends with him forever. He was never abusive. He is too kind a soul. But just couldn’t face him and i ran. He got married.. I got married and there was little bit of on and off contact between us over the past 10 years. I just couldn’t face him. Although I loved him and never really got over him.
Finally I felt enough of running and I should connect with him. We got chatting and he told me how attracted he was to me and that he always remembered me. I just couldn’t believe these words. But I think we could never express the love we felt for each other, it was overwhelming.
We discussed our intimacy openly for the first time about how we felt.. and it was amazing how both of us remember everything about it. It was like reliving those moments once again. He said he loved my body and he doesn’t regret anything. It was a beautiful to relive those moments and then we felt a surge to see each other again. Now we are often sharing intimate details and we want meet in person. but both of us are married and still we feel nothing wrong. I couldn’t believe that I would still feel for him the same way I did so many years ago, There is a longing to reconnect. But we are separated and live different countries so meeting will not take place soon.
I wasn’t aware of twin flame then and I came across the concept when I was looking for something that could define our relationship. Can someone tell me if this really a twin flame or soulmate connection or what?
Some of signs that i have seen:
he is 111 days younger to me
our first intimacy was 11/4/209 2019 = 11 .. so 11/4/11
The day we had video chat – it was his b’day and that morning i saw a strange sign.. trails of a jet plane like a huge 11 (with the sun just overlapping on one of the trails)..
We want to see each other but there are always obstacles – distance, relationships, fear, .. but we never give up. I don’t know if we will be together again..but that what my heart desires.. and his too in some way i guess.
I met Jason in January. We felt an immediate connection. Both of us wanted to talk to or be with each other every minute of every day! When we would go too many days not seeing each other, it was painful for both of us. We were moving fast and furious and both of us knew it but didn’t care. That is until one day, Jason had a bad day at work. He got into trouble for lack of focus and this scared him. I believe this is when he started thinking that things with me were too much for him to handle. I sensed something was wrong even before talking with him. It was like my gut instincts told me something was wrong with him. I asked him about it and his voice was very shaky. He just said he had a bad day at work and needed to just relax with his son that evening. Later he texted me and was annoyed that I asked him about something being wrong. I wasn’t trying to accuse him of it being about me but I asked him if I did something wrong and that bothered him. The next morning he abruptly ended it with me. I have had various boyfriends and even lost my husband in death. Aside from the loss of my husband, nothing shook me like that break up text from Jason. I replied in a defensive manner and he blocked my number. I emailed him and he blocked that. He cut off all communication. The thing is, I felt it from my head to my toes that this guy was “the one.” Upon more research I believe Jason isn’t my soulmate but my twin flame. We had so much in common and just fit! But we are at the stage where he is the runner and I am the chaser but it is a lost cause at this point. He seems very stubborn and doesn’t like to commit or deal with anything real. He is divorced and I sense that scarred him a little. If he would have been open with me on his fears, he would know I have the same ones! I lost someone to death. I am afraid of that happening again. I am afraid of marriage so I am not looking for that. I don’t know if he is my Twin Flame but if he is, I don’t know if he will return. He is clearly dealing with things in an emotionally immature manner even though he is older. I think that my experience with losing my husband has made me strong and more mature spiritually and if he cannot open up and admit his feelings and allow himself to feel, I can’t help him.
If you feel you are the chaser (even though at times you want to run as well), how do you be this without imposing into their life? How do you reassure, both them and oneself, when they have withdrawn into silent hibernation?
I met my twin flame a little more than 2 years ago, and from the start we both knew that’s what it was. We knew we made a soul contract in a prior life. We were perfection and everyone could see it. For the past year we’ve been living in her ex’s basement (I know how fucked up it sounds but there were reasons and that’s probably no relevant right now) and during that year, tensions have begun to rise. We have been faced with some outside issues that impose stress on our relationship. We have found ourselves arguing over petty issues, which I see as a direct result of being contained to a room in her ex’s house plus other outside stressors. A few days ago she ended it. This was just days after telling me she knows it’s rough right now and she can be hard on me but she realizes this is what she wants and doesn’t want to break up. I feel as if my soul has been ripped from my body. I do not believe for one second that below the surface this is what she really wants. I believe she will come back, in spite of her telling me she is done and she is sure. She is stubborn, a leo, and very rarely will admit she’s wrong. I believe she’s behaving this way because the amount of stress is affecting her and she’s in fight or flight and the only thing she has control of right now is our relationship. I believe in her, in us. I really down to my core believe she will come around, although with her pride, I worry she will drag it out even after coming to the realization that I am where she wants to be. I am home. She is home. I am madly in love with her and I am not dealing well. She is not one to let her guard down but she will with me and that’s how I know she really wants this. Because I know how hard it is for her to expose herself, yet how easy it is for her to build a wall. She has a lot of childhood trauma that I see come out in arguments. I have felt I’m am definitely more emotionally awake than what she is because I feel like I do my best to try to communicate and talk things through, yet if it’s any criticism on her, she shuts down. I know she has issues to work through. I do as well. But that’s the thing… we’re mirrors. We’re exposing each others garbage. I’m ready to work on myself and help her work on herself, but I feel her shutting down is being afraid of facing her inner demons and nothing to do with me, although she is now trying to make it that it’s me. As I said, I feel absolute that her flame is still burning for me inside, but it’s fucking me up that she’s putting on a cold front. I would love feedback/insight if anyone is willing. I know it’s only been a few days, but it’s hard to breathe without her. Thank you for listening.
I believe I met my twin flame two years ago. We met from someone we were both close with until she hurt the both of us and me and him got close and I felt an instant connection with him and I met him the next day and It felt so nostalgic. Everything felt nostalgic to me. Despite we’ve both brought out the best and worst of us we talk. We left each other’s lives twice but we both can’t have it like that forever so we somehow manage to come back and from the breakup it was a lot of pain and was unbearable. I love him to this day and it’s been nearly two years.
One night I walked into a crowded room and my eyes landed on him. It felt like the breath had been knocked out of me and I felt an intense longing to talk to him but he hadn’t noticed me and I truly thought he wouldn’t. Shortly after, he walked over to get some water and we made eye contact and smiled at each other. After that, we were constantly exchanging glances. I went to the restroom and when I walked out, he was there waiting on me. Over the past 2 1/2 years, he has said he didn’t know why he reached out to me because it was very unlike him but he felt an incredible pull towards me. He had only been remarried for 2 years when we met. We have been lovers, best friends and he has taught me a lot about myself. I’ve never been in such an intense, loving relationship in my 51 years. I am his “trusted one”, his lady of dreams. We finish each other’s sentences or start to say the same thing at the same time. At one point I wondered if he had hidden a camera in my house because he had an uncanny way of knowing what I was doing when he should have had none. (There was no camera, fyi). I am the runner, he, the chaser. We have tried to call it quits many times but we’ve only been able to go a week without talking to each other. At present, I haven’t seen him in 2 months but we still talk every day. This has also been the most painful relationship I’ve been in because he goes home to someone else and has no plans to change that. He feels that he has to stay and we can only be together if something natural happens. I know he is right and I know we shouldn’t be seeing each other at all. He has said he wants to be able to keep up with me and know I’m ok and what I’m doing even if we don’t see each other…he just doesn’t want to lose the connection completely. For me, I have a hard time accepting that his feelings are real because of the situation and I question everything. I also know that us not being able to be together makes me feel like I’m being abandoned and that I’m not loved. I don’t know if keeping the relationship as is would be the best, if we can try to be just friends or if we just need to break all contact. Thoughts?
I believe I am the flame runner. I met my twin flame 10 years ago and our paths are forever crossing. I love him dearly because he loves me no matter my flaws. The thing is, I’m not so sure why I’m running. One day we were hanging out and he had go to work. As he was leaving, I could feel his gaze on me and when I looked up I saw the most intense need. Like if he was asking me for something but didn’t know how he could make me understand. That gaze shocked me a little bit , because it felt like I was about to be sucked into something I really can’t explain. I had to look away because it was me, it was what I was going through but too scared to share. We’re great friends, but I want a life with him.
Deep down inside I believe we are meant to be together, but we both have so much growing to do.
One day with him gives me so much hope and I want to be better. He teaches me how to live life.
Thank you so much. When I was a freshman in high school, I fell in love with a someone, but I was sexually repressed and felt he was out of my league at the time, especially since I was too oblivious to know that the feeling was mutual. I didn’t want him to know my secrets, so he ended up ignoring me for being dishonest and insincere and generally fake around him. It really hurt at the time, and I’ve been through a lot of trials that helped me put things in perspective and learn to accept my sexuality and stop feeling inferior to everyone and 4 years later, I understand everything I was once oblivious to and I really miss him. And knowing that he is “the one” (because I wouldn’t have become the person I am today if it weren’t for him) means a lot to me because the pain from experience makes me love him even more than I did in the first place.
I met my twin flame 8 years ago. I didn’t realize at the time he was my twin flame. We were great together, talked about everything and we helped one another be successful. I always wanted to please him, but he had been living with someone for 8 years, he said he was leaving when the house sold but it was during the down time, so I walked and moved on feeling he would never leave here. 3 years ago I wrote to him out of the blue and asked if he had ever married and he had not. We started meeting up and once again he said he was leaving her. Never married her after 14 years together. The first time I saw him after 6 years when we looked into one another eyes I saw his heart and soul. I saw his love for me and the hurt that I gave him for leaving him. We met up a few times more and he stood at my front door and said you realize we are connected. I will know when you are ready for me. I also have e-mails that say although you drive me crazy in bed there is so much more between us. Well he left here in Sept. 2016. He bought a home and then he started pushing me away. I felt all the arguments he went through with her the pain, the ups and downs and he told me he need to find himself and he wanted no commitments. Our connection said differently I text him or e-mailed him once a week or every two wees. I finally got to see his new home in Nov. He said all I can give you is FWB and you don’t want that. In Jan. of 2017 I went into the hospital and I text him, I found out he was dating, but he wasn’t dating me. I got to pissed off I fired back and told him he was all about image. He said how can you tell me you love me one minute and put me down the next. but yet he had just told me he was dating others. So needless to say he stopped answering my text messages. It will soon be 2 years since that fight. I still feel him. He makes love to me, kisses me in spirit. He has another woman leaving with him, but I’ve been told that is only for financial reason, no love. I had a dream before I knew about her that there was someone with him, he came to me in the dream, kissed me and said I miss those lips, the next part of the dream he was in bed with her, but he was on one edge and she was on the other edge with all the space between them. This told me they were together, but not really together. Over the last few months I have been hearing music in my head. It use to be old romantic music and once in a while a negative one like, shot in the heart your to blame you give love a bad name. Now all the music is songs like ” Your the inspiration” “I can’t live without your love” ” Hooked on a Feeling” I caught him looking at me 3 times in 30 days on the dating site.. Yea he is on the dating site but someone living with him. Yes he is the runner, I was the chaser. I have not written anything to him since the week after his birthday in Sept. He did thank me for the birthday wish. I feel this songs are telling me he is slowly healing. It would be great if we both healed and got back together before Christmas. I love him more now then I ever did and we are apart. I see his face in front of me, I see us doing things together. I need and want the other me in my life. I hope he returns soon and the third time be charm where we live the rest of our life together. No more runners or chasers needed.