Our Twin Flames, or Twin Souls, are said to be our perfect vibrational matches in this world.
We unite with our Twin Flames to experience soulful transformation and the fulfillment of our personal potentials in this life.
However, connecting with our Twin Flames is an intense, overwhelming and sometimes excruciating experience. This is because it riles up old fears, wounds and ego blockages. As a result, every Twin Flame relationship eventually experiences what we refer to as the “runner and chaser” dynamic.
This period of life is both complex and extremely distressing for both partners who, deep down, simply desire Union.
What is the Twin Flame Runner and Chaser Dynamic?
When we think about the Twin Flame relationship in terms of stages, the Runner and Chaser dynamic represents stage six. It is preceded by a level of immense inner turmoil as personality differences, egos and old core wounds flare up. Eventually, as tensions rise to an explosive level, the only “way out” is to try and escape from the relationship in some shape or form. This process of distancing or “running” can be either physical or psychological, or both.
Often running away from the intense love within a Twin Flame relationship involves returning back to an ex-partner, travelling, silent treatments, constant arguments, workaholism or simply leaving for no clear reason.
In this stage, the Runner often represents the more wounded “younger” soul, and the Chaser often represents the more mature “older” soul. In other words, while one partner is open to the purifying fires of love, the other finds the dissolution of their boundaries intimidating and too much to handle.
When Luna and I got together, we too experienced the twin flame runner and chaser stage. For us this was a tormenting time because we felt so much love for each other, yet we could barely sit peacefully in the same room together. Almost every day we would argue and clash, sometimes even into the early hours of the morning. While Luna played the role of the (emotional) Runner, I played the role of the Chaser.
For us, this stage carried on for about 6 intense months, and then more mildly for another year. However, the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage can vary greatly from couple to couple.
6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Flame
If you are in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage, you might be feeling extremely vulnerable, angry, overwhelmed and confused at the moment.
I want to share with you six tips that have helped us to personally get through this stage:
1. Is your twin flame really trying to hurt you?
Firstly, it’s important that you ensure that you’re not actually in a co-dependent or emotionally abusive relationship. Unfortunately for some couples, this could be a very real possibility. Don’t confuse arguments, differences in character and insecurity for the more sinister forms of manipulation, control and abuse. If you think this may be a problem for you, read through the three types of emotional abuse in this article.
If you are in a Twin Flame relationship, it will be clear that your partner doesn’t intend to cause you harm. The harm they cause you is unintentional and is a product of their own unresolved pain. However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, it will be clear that the harm your partner causes you is intentional.
2. Think about what it is that triggers you in your partner’s behavior.
A trigger can be anything from a certain look, a tone of voice, a phrase, an action, or anything that “triggers” an emotional response within you. Once you have discovered what it is that triggers you (e.g. when your partner starts becoming opinionated), you may like to ask, “Why does that bother me so much?” Try to go deeper than answers like, “He thinks he knows everything,” or “She isn’t listening to what I’m saying.” Find the emotion that is attached to the trigger – for instance, annoyance, bitterness or resentment – and keep digging deeper. It is likely that you will uncover many harmful ideals, beliefs and personal issues beneath your layers of emotion.
Here is an example: You get offended and aloof every time your partner interrupts you. You then ask, “Why is that?” You get upset because he isn’t respecting what you’re saying. “Why is that a problem?” That’s a problem because it feels like he doesn’t love you. “Why is that an issue?” You feel alone and abandoned. Here we can see that the true issue is the underlying fear of being alone and unappreciated.
3. Learn to openly communicate with your twin flame.
Open communication rarely comes naturally. Instead, it is something that the majority of us have to learn and master throughout our lives. When we fail to communicate openly we hide our emotions, keep our thoughts and perspectives to ourselves, and don’t speak up when something bothers us. If something bothers you about your partner’s behavior it is much better to openly and gently talk with them about it rather than hide it away and let it fester. Open communication is something the two of you should openly discuss and agree to work on. For an excellent open communication guide, we recommend reading “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg.
4. Learn how to empathize with your twin flame’s perspective.
This can be extremely hard to do, especially when you’re caught up in your own perceptions and feelings, but it is worth learning. Why? Developing this skill will help you to develop empathy, and this will help your relationship to mature immensely. We recommend starting with the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness can be practiced through a traditional meditation practice, by learning to live in the moment, by spending time alone in reflection, by mindful breathing, and many other methods. The more proficient you become at learning how to observe instead of react to your emotions, the easier it will be for you to empathize with your Twin Flame. Remember that your partner grew up in a different context and therefore possesses different life experiences, different genetics and a different personality. Remember that what they think, feel and believe is true for them but not necessarily true for you, and respect that.
5. Ask, “What am I being taught?”
Whenever you both get into a squabble or experience tension, ask yourself, “What is it that my Twin Flame is trying to teach me through their words or actions right now?” Perhaps you need to develop more patience, understanding or forgiveness. In the end, our twin flames are like vessels through which the harshest, but most valuable lessons of life are transmitted. Only when you open yourself to learning these lessons can you grow as a person.
6. Forgive each other
Realize that each of you carry your own different types of pain. Every argument and every rash and hurtful decision is a product of unresolved pain. When you both learn to understand this, you can both forgive each other and allow the love you feel to cleanse all wounds.
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Twin flames expose the shadow qualities and core wounds within us, helping them to be brought to the light. While this period of your relationship might feel eternal, its purpose is to help you heal, open and learn how to embody unconditionally love.
Are you in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage? Perhaps you’d like to share with us your experience below.
I am in the 6th stage of the twin flame connection with no communication because he chose to ghost me. We are both married but missing things in our marriages, met once and then after 4 months we met again and that’s when things started developing we were in the love bubble and then out of nowhere he said leave me alone, I tried texting him because I was confused. He texted me to STOP texting him and then said if I don’t stop texting him he will tell my husband and he will file a harassment paper with the police. I was then confused, hurt and couldn’t figure out why and I just needed to know why? then I was confused, hurt and angry and I analyzed everything that had just happened and started googling the internet for answers since I wasn’t getting any from him because he ghosted me and said he blocked me.
I figured if he blocked me and when I looked up blocking it said that it more then likely wouldn’t tell me he had blocked me and if he did it might show that I called but if I did text he wouldn’t see that. So I decided I would use it as a venting tool…so I texted him not thinking he would be seeing them so it could help me vent and release and ask questions. Myway of working through things and then after several texts and a month later all of a sudden out of the blue but obvious he was reading them or had unblocked me and I was a little surprised. He threatens me again and then says something about talking to his attorney and gave me a number. No answer and so I emailed him asking for the number again because I really wanted to talk to the attorney but I never received an answer with the number. (because I had deleted the text previous with the info.).
In the mean time I was thinking maybe he had a split personality why would all of a sudden he do this when I thought everything was going so well, now prior to this I was already purging stuff, not really realising that’s what I was doing because sometimes I talk out loud to work through things and so on, so now I am finding information on astrology his sign my sign…which lead me to the Tarot readers…which led me to Tarot readings of Twin Flames. Never knew there was such a thing.
Anyways the Twin Flame encounter was a quick whirlwind, physical contact and it ended before it really even got started. I was feeling like I felt everything about him is perfect and I felt the love for him grow deeper and it seemed like he had the things I was missing, he would say and do things almost like he knew my deepest secrets and he said he couldn’t believe I was for real and that he couldn’t figure me out and something about an intensity he was feeling. Then all of a sudden the texting lessoned, he would get on the defense about things, or try and pick a fight.
It happened so quickly that it was hard to absorb everything, emotions, no emotions, positive, negative, problems in h8is marriage but already previous said we were n9ot going to leave out spouse made promises that were not kept wanting to move into my garage and then getting upset because I was unavailable to take his call but yet when I would try to contact him he said it was my problem, that’s when I was getting upset with him and us h9ow one-sided that is, I felt like when we would see each other he would want to leave right away, the texting got less and the dynamics of this beautiful encounter (relationship) I don’t want to give it a label was lacking emotion and just about when I was thinking I want more sharing and storytelling, like a normal relationship, does to find out about one another that’s when everything went chaotic and we have been in separation and no contact every once in a while I would text but get never got an answer back.
In the meantime I kept gaining more knowledge about the twin flame journey and what it really is all about, ways to really know that is what it is and work on myself, healing, meditating, reading more and more…realising that we were telepathic which I know I have done before and realising I am an empath, which I know have learned that I am sometimes feeling his emotions and sadness because they’re not mine. Then I started getting more information about physic abilities and honing in on them which I always knew I had a sixth sense but didn’t think too much about it, I figured everyone does. I have had lucid dreams about him and then reading where you will begin to share stories and realize the similarities or how your lives run parallel. Well, we didn’t really get to that part so, I was curious…I knew his full name and birthday and I remember seeing Texas license plate. I remember reading and it said that our birthdays would have some kind of meaning to us. Thought about it and thought about couldn’t come up with anything then something popped into my head to check something out. A couple months before all of this I was doing a search about my parents’ familiar history and something told me to check those dates and low and behold the birthdate of the tf was the date my mother died. So of course then I wanted to find more similarities just to confirm that this actually is my twin flame. So I did a background check and ancestry to find more things out: He was married the same year as me even though we are 5 years apart things were very similar: His dads name was Tommy same as my Dad, his grandmother died on my dads birthdate, he was the third child I was the third child, his brother was born the same year as mine and his sister was born the same year as me. His sister was a Sagittarius my brother was a Sagittarius, his brother was a Gemini and my sister was a Gemini, his name is the same as my brothers, middle name is his grandfathers, same as my brother, grandfather worked for railroad same as mine, grandmother was with the salvation army church same as mine, grandfathers middle name Thomas my sons middle name is Thomas and my dads name is Thomas but they called him Tommy., my dads father born in Texas same as his, my son born in 1990 same as his, he combined his sisters name with his wife’s to come up with his daughters name and the middle name is his wife’s. Our sons’ name is my husbands and my name combined and my daughter has my middle name. His other daughter is the same name as my daughter etc. I asked the angels to confirm that he was my true twin flame and they confirmed it not only by numbers, his name on the t.v. but feathers, lots of brown, grey and white feathers. I woke up and was checking my phone and it came up on his name and phone number and showed that there were 12 calls made to his number between the time I had woke up that morning and went back to sleep between 9:04 and 10:30 a.m. but I didn’t check my phone that morning until 10:40 a.m. 12 phone calls were made twin flame number so I thought maybe the different times the calls were placed and the times that the calls made lasted meant something in angel numbers, I swear on my dad and moms grave and a stack of bibles I did not make those calls, that was so weird and just unbelievable, my thinking the night before was maybe I would hear from him or see him on my birthday, the calls were placed Sept. 27, 2018, and my birthday is September 29, 2018, but I did not make those calls, I was sleeping. I am honing in on my born gifts and interested in learning astral travel and the angels guided me to learn Tarot Reading as my sole purpose to reach others provide inspiration and all of them have confirmed that I am getting the clarity and doing the work and they are happy meaning: angels, spirit angels, ascended masters and the Devine. I am very frustrated and I know in divine time but I am beginning to think even though I surrendered and forgave maybe he was my twin flame but the angels say let go of old to be blessed with the new multiple blessings, I don’t know what to do in regards to trying to connect to him or leave him alone, I have tried texting just to mention he might want to look up twin Flame and then maybe we could talk but I have not heard from him and if I am sad and getting frustrated and upset then thtat is being negative and the angels say be careful what you pray for and watch what your thoughts are because there is recourse to what you pray for? Plus if I am manifesting and the angels are hearing it…what if they here when I am sad and negative? or do I just let it go? If they send me a facilitator what happens to the twin flame that maybe knew did or does he know? If he chooses to not have anything to work on it with me which would be considered free will what happens to him? does he get a facilitator? If we still go through the journey without each other do we eventually reunite on a different dimension? or if he chooses not to communicate and then later on down the road decides to contact you and says he wants to do this thing together can he do that? Should I try and send him a letter and see if he wants to meet up in the astral plane? It drives me crazy sometimes to think that we have been given such a gift and if he is aware of it and he reads about it and he relates to what it says and what he has been feeling then why would you turn down such a blessing? So if by what I have told you what do you think or how can I figure out what it is I still need to purge? I have learned patience, forgiveness, unconditional love, I have asked for forgiveness and given forgiveness, I am working on cleansing and healing my chakras, meditating, contacting my angels, learning how to love myself. I am a little lost at what I still need to do, I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, I say that’s it I am letting go and that’s it, I am not going to do this anymore and then here I am right back to re-figuring this whole thing and need answers.
My twin flame just broke up with me yesterday. He is the runner, and I have known him since I was 8 years old. My mom said when I was a child I had at one point asked if he was the one I was going to marry. We were best friends and childhood sweethearts. At around 11 or 12, contact became kind of scarce, on and off, until 16 (when I finally admitted to myself shortly before turning 16 that I was head-over-heels in love with him) and his parents completely shut off all contact. I dated other guys, but after my previous breakup I came to realize I was simply trying to form my relationships into what I knew he and I would have. My mom has seen our bond as children and throughout our growing up years and is able to see it for what it is. I am very good at moving on and leaving things behind and he is the one thing I have been unable to forget.
It’s been a few months shy of three years and I got reconnected with him on social media. Our reconnection was explosive. We began a relationship right away. The bond and love was so intense and it was all too good to be true. But looking back I see the red flags now. He became a bit obsessed, lustful, and started putting his focus on that way of thinking. I wanted to show him I trusted him, and I went with it. (Mind you this was a long distance relationship since currently he lives 8 hours away from me). He became really busy with work so our contact diminished. Different things that occurred showed me that something was wrong and we were able to finally talk last night. He recognized his weakness of what was going on. And being religious, as am I, the relationship showed him weaknesses he didn’t even knew he had. To continue a relationship would lead down to a dangerous, toxic relationship and then marriage. He needed to work on himself and developing his spiritual foundation so he could be a mature enough person to be in a relationship. Without that foundation, if we’d stay together, he’d lack self control and even if he went through the right motions the true state of his heart would still not be right. He feared my wrath I believe, but I feel far from angry. It simply has made me love him even more (is that possible at this point?) and my level of respect for him has increased. I see it as him protecting me from myself. I believe most likely we will be brought back together into a relationship. I know the bond we have and I know my unconditional love for him. He promised to always remain friends, but he’s in denial that we’re “meant to be” I think mainly due to him distrusting himself. He feels he simply just fell because I was the first person to ever really show attentiveness, love. And acceptance, which he has never received from anybody, not family, not friends, and he’s not had a lot of dating opportunities though he has tried. Maybe it will only be a year. Maybe five. Maybe when he visits here at Christmas he’ll see me and things will have improved. I know I would do it over again and even now I would take him back in a heartbeat. I’m not hurt by the broken promises, even though I’ve dealt with abandonment issues and insecurities I don’t feel abandoned. I still feel consumed by love. I guess that’s kind of odd for a girl nearly 19 who’s dreamed of being with this man for four years. But I am an old soul so I guess that explains it. My mom listened to some of the conversation last night and said I was handling it so much better then she ever would have. I didn’t cry until after I said “I love you” one last time and hung up. I am mourning the loss of companionship and connection we had during that time, simply that, though it still causes enough pain and emotional deadness by itself.
I figure the best thing now is to be his friend, who accepts him as he is and doesn’t expect him to be anybody but himself, and show my love and commitment to him that way since we’ve agreed to keep the friendship and communication open.
Hi.
I met my TF last year. Funny but sad story really. My mother passed away in 2016,well she was my best friend and my daughter was a year old at that time. I was dating this other guy who my mom hated passionately because he was a “Thug” (I didn’t know till I was deeply in a relationship with him but my mom some how got a feeling) . After my mom’s passing I was in deep grief and was depressed. Me and the thug broke up, I decided to join a dating site(I would never ever do that in a million years I’m a firm believer of human interaction) but because I was do depressed, I didn’t want to even go out thats when I joined the dating site. I met him and we started chatting. For hours on end till we decided to meet. He was everything I wanted in a man and what my mom would have loved in a “Son-in-law” he felt like Home. I soon realised how much he wasn’t into social networking, doesn’t even own a Facebook account andiswa asked how come he was on that dating site, his response was “To meet you” everything happened so fast, we fell so crazy in love that I kept on saying this is too damn good to be true. Then we got to the runner staged where I strongly feel like he became so overwhelmed by our feelings and how intensely he felt about and just said he needed space. His got an ego for dayssss…. And he feels the need to always be in control of his emotions so he got scared when everything spiraled in a direction he had no control over.
So we broke up for 3months and I’d always never reach out if I broke with someone but for the first time since I’ve been dating, I tried to fix things and swallowed my pride but he remained mute. I felt so sick and I felt like I just lost my mom all over again because some how, I had healed. The pain was unbearable. I lost my mom and best friend and I didn’t know how to move on and what scared me is just how intensely I felt for this man, I loved him more than I loved my daughter (I feel like I’ve failed as a parent for this reason ) after 3months he came back and fixed things, I was so happy and things were twice as intense as they were before but guess what, he ran away Again. I was furious,mind you, when I went back to his house, everything was as I left it, our appointment calendar behind his door, everything. His not that must into girl’s and I can safely advocate this because of reasons I can’t publicly state. But after 7months of being apart from him and me learning how to be on my own and forgive myself for loving him more than my daughter, he tried to come back but when I thought of my daughter I refused and mind you, this man absolutely adored her, if she’s not ok, we cancel everything!
So after 2months of me turning him down was my birthday and a day before it I apped him and he asked if I was OK and I told him I’d be alot happier with him but because of his ego he didn’t really come back and was distant which broke my heart because in 6days from my birthday was his.
A month after his we got back together and it felt more intense than the previous Times we were together but because I was so scared of losing him I messed up trying to protect him and he cried because I hurt him and he left again .
We’ve been apart for 3months and I’ve apologise but instead of my love fading it keeps growing. I feel physically sick and depressed and I don’t know how to handle everything
I met my twin flame 3 months ago. It has been super intense from the getgo. However, my twin is the runner. Had a lot of lessons up to this point in his life. I feel he will never totally heal. He tried several times, but finally ran. His excuse is always my child(ren). He does not want to be a stepfather, yet he has a son of his own his is helping to raise with the help of his ex. We are both older and have had many love experiences this life. So, I truly thought I could handle the hurt much better. However, I am in so much hurt and pain! It is super intense. I keep telling myself that life will continue, and I know it will, but my whole body aches of sadness!
Thank you for this article and the opportunity to share our experiences. Reading everyone’s comments is helpful. Has anyone shared this article or other articles about running twin flames with their twin flame who maybe isn’t 100% on board twin flames? What was your experience? I’m thinking about sending him this article.
I went through that dynamic a year ago. What I learned from that experience was priceless. First of all I realized that he was a false twin that was sent to me to help me recognize and heal my issues I was repeating in all my relationships. Secondly we cannot force our will on another person because we think we know better. We all have our own paths. What I did after months of chasing and research I stopped and asked Universe what I needed to learn from that experience. The biggest lesson was Love myself unconditionally with all my flows and shadows . At that point I decided to stay single not willing to settle even for a second best. A week later I met the most incredible man I want to spend the rest of my life with, who loves and adores me just the way I am and I love and adore him back. There is a reason for your separation and it’s up to you to learn from it. And leave him to go through his journey if he chooses to. You deserve the best
This sadness and heartache will pass with time Tracy, I hope you know that. <3 That's not to say it isn't important to be present for your suffering: take the very best care of yourself. Life is unpredictable as are people, so who knows how the next few years will pan out. I wish you the best!
I m twin flame soul I often have squabble with my partner in fact even now I had it , my messsages trigger him if I message him more than four messages he gets angry I spoke to him over telephone we resolved the matter even apologised for the same,but my problem is that I can’t stay without talking or messaging him ,this in turn makes him irritated as he finds it distracting between his work as it’s shifts his focus from him. What I want is to stay peaceful without squabble I want him to be normal is there any prayer or effective remedy that I can do to relieve my resentment and pain that I suffer from this kind of behaviour???
Hello. I’m stage 6 and 7. I’m runner I feel. Been doing so years, they tried connect many years ago I did not realise was twin flame, now a reconnect although we both have different lives and family commitments makes it so difficult. So an initial connect now as runner to navigate where to go from here.
Well, we are 5 months in. You say stage 6? It’s been stage 1 for us. We have connected on every level besides romance and intimacy, but she is afraid to take the leap with me, so she blows me off and screws around with her ex boy toy. Wether it is back together or fighting…
Me and my ex are going through the chaser and runner stage very painful to me as the runner . She separated wanted back I refused now she’s in hiding giving me the s silent treatment . Sal
I’ve been in this relationship with an amazing man who is over a decade older than i am. sometimes when i tell him how i feel i think he just brushes it off or does not see it as i mean it so i have to either explain it away until i get tired or not even try. I know he loves me and i love him very much. I know i am the runner. I keep wanting to leave for various reasons but i love him so much that i just end up not doing anything but distancing myself mentally when we’re together. I discovered so many things about me in retrospect and it’s all to do with being in this relationship with him. He and I are so much alike and yet so different. We push each other to be better people and to discover who we really are on a soul level. I love him but i always find some reason to want out. The love is so strong. It takes over my every thought and i am not sure i am ready for that.
Why would you not want the most special, the most meaningful, the most promising, the most saticfying, the most fulfilling life experience, the most amazing relationship, with the most perfect person you are meant to be with. Why would you being a very intelligent person to let that low life thought in your head to distroy your life like that. I refuse to let you make such a horrible decision like that. If not for yourself how about the the other person that will be affected by this. Everything you do while you are here i believe in my heart God our father wants to see how many times you are going to decide to choose evil over love. So the mindset of the feeling you are having that your not feeling ready for or not sure if it right and doubt are being feed to you by the one that is not here to love you and does not really want you to experience anything good. There is only one reason behind this. That is to keep you from knowing God or take the relationship you have with him away or to change your mind about him. They all are same but different but all are the same purpose to take your soul. End of story meaning ending of your story. This whole story that ive just told you all sounds just like it is a story. But in your time here you learn about all kinds of stories true ones , false ones, pretend ones, so this makes all things told to you something that now you have to find in yourself if you believe it or not. Free will its called. Its the only way that the devil has any power to take what is yours away from you or you are really giving it to him. Please dont give yourself away lime that. God wants you to live the most amazing life he could provide for you fall in love jump in face first and trust it have faith in it and you will learn the right things if you grew up without God in your life.
I have known my twin flame for four years, and I stayed in his country for almost a year now, though only met him a few times because he is working a lot. It can seems like he put himself into a more and more busy life, while at the same time talking about how tired he is and that he just want to find a quite place where he can read and relax. He seems to put his work and obligations first, which also is a good thing, but it is also difficult to build a relation to someone when time is not there. I been thinking about telling him about my feelings, without expecting anything back. Its better than keep it all inside. It is a huge step for me to do so as a quite shy person, but it starts to get even more difficult to keep all this to myself. I have been thinking he is the runner, but not shore, and that is also what my dreams are showing. I do not think those things are neccessary black and white. He often tells me what he wants in life, but often he ends up following obligations from others, and it does not seems to make him any happier. For myself, i have to learn to lowen my expectations, for my own sake, be more patient and not end up getting drawned in my own hopes and dreams. I also feel we both are quite idealistic people searching for some meaning in this beautiful and interesting world, and I do believe dreams are there for a reason.
I can relate to this. It’s tough wanting to be with someone and they only have a little time they could spend with you.
I feel I’m the chaser. I totally agree the TF relationship is INTENSE. I’ve known her all my life. As much as we aren’t too far apart we always seem to run into each other. I also feel
I’m the more psychic of the two of us. Like back in 2014 I said something I would do anything to take back. But couple years ago her daughter starts poking me on Facebook. 1 problem I know her daughter by her profile but her daughter has never met me face 2 face. So how in the world does she know me? It got even more interesting when my TFs brother sent me a friend request. I think me & hers biggest hurdle is physical interaction. I ran into her February 13. It’s been YEARS since I had that feeling. My heart racing & sweating like crazy. Only time till we meet again and I’ve been prepping for that moment
I have found my TF, The very first time I saw him in 2013 I knew immediately I was in love with him. Almost a year of no contact after high school we met up again and picked up where we left off. Our love and energies just skyrocketed the first time we hung out when he came back in 2014 and I have been with him for the past 3 years. I had to separate with him about 2 weeks ago. It broke me, and absolutely killed me. But I knew I had to do this, sometimes I worry that I made the wrong choice, that this is all a big mistake. I fear sometimes that he won’t be able to resolve his core wounds and come back to me. He says he will but I am so afraid that he won’t. I have to hold on to this thought or else I feel like I will lose my mind.
^ I know that he needs to do this. We both do. I am just so afraid of the future. I just know I will be in love with this man my whole life, what if he does not come back?
Oh dear R, I feel you. Letting go of your TF when he needs to resolve his own issues is very challenging. I know the pain of separation that you feel all too well. It broke me like nothing else has. But I recovered and our love gets stronger every time we reconnect even though we are still not “together” as he’s got the same issues. Let me tell you – this is where TRUST comes into play. If your souls are destined to reunite, you can’t miss it. Do your own inner work. Be ready to receive your TF, whether its him or someone else. I know your fears all too well. I fear the same, that I will always be longing for him if he doesn’t fully return to me. I recently decided to surrender to the Universe and say – “I simply surrender. Lead me to my husband, my true soul mate love, my partner…whoever it may be”. TRUST. LET GO.
I am the chaser. We met only 5 months ago and it wasn’t until finding an article on TF that I realized she was it. We had a great 2 months, one night I told her how I felt and 2 days later I was standing up against a wall and she was telling me how her Ex had contacted her, she was confused and It’s not fair to me to be in the middle of it. She has recently lost a brother, moved back to her hometown (where i live), was starting a business and writing some books, and then add the Ex in to the mix.
We never fought, really ever. We have been very empathetic towards each other. I understand why she made the choices she has (and also now feel that she was scared to realize her feelings for me, due to her damaged heart for her brother and what she feels for this other person – who has 10 years of knowledge of her on me). She understands that my feelings for her are very strong and requited. When we run in to each other I see the love in her eyes, I feel the strength of her embrace. Last time I had to step back or we never would have separated. I have asked her if we will never be together again and she cannot answer. She has been very strong with me and I know if the answer was truly no, she would tell me, but she cannot. I have told her I love her, and told her we are soulmates (before I knew about TFs) and the way she treats me even since then, confirms that she has feelings.
I assume she knows nothing about TFs and I dont think it is something I can tell her about, at least now. She knows the level of feeling I have for her, how I am in tuned with both of our feelings of each other – the night she ended it, I felt that feelings wash over me as I was walking to her party. I also both know we have things to work on – she completely changed my life and made me realize I could be more than I currently was. For her, she saw the way I quit smoking cold turkey and confided in me, that she needed to cut out her demons. I will speak with her about that, not that I have the answers for her, but that she should know she has mentioned it several times to me and I am there for her.
I am very scared to let her off and free. To find this ex, to find herself, to find myself. I have waited my whole life to meet this person. In 34 years before I had never been in love, never been serious, until now.
I recently reached out to grab a bite and catch up (and talk to her about her demons) and that is 3 weeks out. Unfortunately it takes up most of my thoughts all day every day and I am already considering telling her that we really cannot see each other going forward, because it gives me hope and as much as I love her unconditionally, and I do, I want her to be happy, but I also want to be with her, because its just so strong. I told her I can accept our lots in life right now, but its hard and maybe just needs to be put on the back burner to become the person I was born to be.
Hopefully time moves swiftly.
I feel you. Funny, we are at 5 months. Me being the Chaser, her the runner. Figured out the TF thing at 4am this morning. We are fully unturned to eachothers to include knowing when we are leaving our houses. We usually call as we are walking out the door. But, she avoids me as much as possible, but then the time we do get to spend together is great. She always plays the song “What if?” By Cain Brown for me. No matter who is around. Even her boy toy.
I am unsure if I am the chaser or runner. I met a wonderful man who I believe and feel deep down is my twin flame. We have way to many things that are similar down to items in our house holds, sports , and education plus other stuff to much to list. We had never met until both of us are in our 50’s. The time we spent together was the happiest time of my life and he also felt very much the same as I.
Up until a week ago he was talking about future trips, holidays, and family get together no indication of being unhappy. It felt like within a couple days he changed. He tells me he don’t even know why his feelings changed. I could sense the change and we both decided to take a break from each other. It happened so fast I am baffled.
I have not contacted him since we decided to take a break nor has he contacted me.
I am confused on what I should do at this point. I have a feeling I will hear from him again but don’t know when for all I know it could be years. My feelings about the break is confusion and hurt but different than any other relationship from my past. I am not panicked about contacting him for some unknown reason like past relationships.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank You
Hi Davine,
that sounds similar to what I experienced. Seeing that your comment is from february, I wonder what happened until now. Is there anything new?
Wish you the best!
Gevene
I am married, however he is not my twin flame. I met my TF after I got married. Is there a way to keep a healthy relationship with a TF and be married? Unfortunately, I and my TF are very attracted to each other on all levels and that’s why we had to end our relationship. I crave him so bad to be a part in my life because we have helped each other grow and understand ourselves in a way no one else can. I miss him very much but don’t know how to continue our relationship without hurting each other. The magnetic force is so strong but since we can’t be together do I continue to respect him not wanting to talk to me (obviously I’m the chaser). How can I keep him in my life but not be with him?
Hi Vanessa – wow, you are in the position MY TF is in. He’s the married one, we met after he was married and were “together” during his separation, after which he returned to the marriage for sake of the kids. It’s been 4 years of runner/chaser dynamic, we keep coming back to each other, the love never dies in fact it grows stronger and deeper. But now we’re in this turmoil- chaser/runner stage … can’t stay apart but can’t find balance together without hurting each other. I feel you. Perhaps we can connect somehow, we can chat and perhaps help each other through these dynamics. Big hug. Melanie
There is a wonderful quote by Osho. I would say if those statements resonate with your outlook on your current dynamic with your twin, you could probably claim being a mature soul. “The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.”
Otherwise there is work to be done. Pointing fingers, blaming the other party for your unhappiness will not solve your problem. Maturity means taking responsibilities for your own lessons and actions. We all have a free will. So what are you going to do with it?
I love this, Lora – thank you for posting the Osho quote.
I’m so glad to have found this prage and know that there are others like me going through the same emotions as mine… I’m the chaser too for almost 2 and half years.. but if you all notice there are mostly chasers in the page worried about love and life and universe to work it’s magic and bring back the TF… My runner flame got married recently … So there’s definitely no point waiting anymore… In fact I feel stupid to have even waited… It’s not smart to waste our precious lifetime on waiting over the silly runner and they get to enjoy all the worldly happiness while we starve ourself from it… I want to believe that I’m the maturer soul and by human nature my runner flame was very egoistic… Instead of identifying the intensity of his own emotions he called me the crazy one for”rushing” into the relationship when actually he was asking me out… There’s a reason why the runner is a younger soul coz they still be have to nourish themselves and learn more important life lessons until they mature and meet our level of soul maturity… that’s when a peaceful union is possible… I am eternally optimistic and forgiving so I love him and wish him all the happiness…but now I love myself more and I’m positive that my 2nd twin flame or soul mate will come looking for me and together we can share a fuller life experience… Don’t waste your precious time in life.. You get just one life
Well, I learned that lesson also. But it took me only 4 months to realize I had to let go of him. If someone runs from love there is a valid reason, a lesson to learn. And the best way to approach this stage is just let them run.
Unfortunately for most of us, the life purpose of the twin flame connection is not to join together, but to come in, stir up one another’s lives and then retreat back into the shadows.
Their purpose is to change our lives—not to always become a permanent part of them.There is no denying the overwhelming magic that can occur when two twins choose each other, but even if they don’t, it doesn’t mean that the connection hasn’t served its purpose.
It only means that one or both twins weren’t ready, but the thing we also have to remember is that time is irrelevant for these loves, so what seems impossible today may suddenly move into fruition tomorrow.
And so, at the end of it all, all we can really do is our own soul’s work on our self and allow the one we love to remain as free as possible.
SR, I don’t feel like you need guidance, there is nothing you can do to influence your twin. He himself has to work on letting of his fear and finally relize that living in a fear of being potentially hurt is living in pain every single day. Because we’ve been hurt by one person–or in some people’s cases, a number of people–we become conditioned to believing that the next person will hurt us too. But projecting this assumption onto the next person isn’t being fair, they deserve to be given an open-minded chance. It’s important that we start each relationship with a clean slate, and not let it be poisoned by our past. As the saying goes, once you’re bitten, you’re twice shy. The natural intention is to put up barriers around you and try to protect yourself by refusing to open up and trust anyone again-but if you do that, you could miss out on the joy of spending your life with someone great and experience the most profound feeling in the universe. Don’t let that happen. An ex’s untrustworthiness does not have to have a permanent impact on your ability to trust another person, and it doesn’t have to destroy your future relationships.
After all, your ex has already hurt you enough. Don’t let them hurt you anymore.
I think there is nothing worse than looking back in five years and think, ‘We could have been magnificent together, but I was afraid.
Thank you Lora, He came back. He realized we cant be separated, and that we belong together. I experience so much love with him :-) Thank you.
I am really happy for you.
Hello,
I feel like this other person is my twin flame. I feel very deep unconditional love towards this person. We have met only 3 months ago and haven’t met physically yet. He is a friend of my only brother who passed away few months back. I was devastated but he entered my life after I gained some of my strength back (though life will never be the same again). I felt the deep connection from the very first time I talked with him. I have always felt like I can be a mother, sister, friend, anything else to him. The love I feel for him is so complete and unconditional.
He also said that he has been having intuitions about me even before we talked. He is a very raw kind of person. I can feel his love but at times he gets too aloof. He had a very stressful life with a lot of struggles. That has affected him and a lot of times love scares him and fear takes over. Sometimes he surrenders to the love and as if himself becomes love for me, but a lot of times it scares him. Mostly he is extremely fearful that I will leave him and that he is becoming weak and it I leave it will devastate him.
I am married but my marriage is not a traditional one. My husband knows about him, we r good friends (me and my husband) but only technically we r married.
My being married also frustrates him.
I don’t know what to do, he has pulled away.
He is in a lot of pain and I am too. But somehow, I feel he cant be fully separated from me and that we will always be connected.
Please guide me..
Thank you
I first laid eyes on my twin when I was 11 years old. He was almost 10 years older than me, so he didn’t notice me until later. I would say when I was 18 years old. Our connection was divinely orchestrated but we never put labels on it. We did’t really see each other an until I was around 23 years old. We seen each other on and off until I was 29. I wanted so much more and he wouldn’t commit. He was chasing money and success. But I know in my heart I would never love anyone like him. Although he never said it, I knew he loved me. I am the runner. At 29 years old I moved really far away I wanted a husband and a child. I would see him when I would return home but nothing ever made me feel like we were meant to be together until about four months ago. I am married and have a daughter. I am now 40 years old and I unintentionally seen my twin a few months ago. The fire was undeniable, our connection one. The world stopped for us. Nothing mattered. I still didn’t think anything of it until he communicated how he felt. He finally said the words I was longing to hear. My heart opened up. After this stage, ego does set in but I realized I couldn’t compare this man to anyone else that has hurt me. We had some flare ups but this was our cleansing stage. It was good because I needed to know that he was true and there for me. I am in a place where I am trying to enjoy this unconditional love. I know that after all these years I am a part of him and he is a part of me. I trust that we will make our way fully back to each other when we are healed and we will be able to heal each other my knowing how to love one another without conditions.
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.