Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful of confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without self-love, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
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In the future I’ll explore how to overcome the pain, anxiety and depression linked to twin flame separation. This is a complex topic, so I thought I’d split it into two articles instead of just one.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? What have you learned? Let’s support each other.
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I used to think my Bob and i were soulmates until this last year. We were seperated for about 4 years. The seperation was simply heart wrenching. It felt as if my heart and soul was being ripped out of my body as it was for him as well. That was a feeling i would rather never ever feel again. We used to fight and argue and torment each other to where we thought we were toxic for each other but now we respect and care for each other and our thoughts are with each other all day and every day. I feel him in my every breath its like he runs deep in my veins. Not that age matters but he is 59 and im 53. We have both been married twice before. I have never ever felt this way for anyone else in my whole life. I always told him if 30 years from now you showed up on my doorstep that he would always be with me no matter what. And he did and here we are. Still as one. We even made a word that was published to the dictionary. Oneslov. Two hearts that are as made as one.
I just read your article about twin flames separation. I am new to this concept but I’ve been with my twin for a brief intense hot passionate affair ( yes affair we were/ are married to other people). It was the most intense passion and love I’ve experienced. But he decided to end it abruptly. He remained silent for years. Then he would resurface just to disappear again. Each time was just a painful as the first time. I became more aware of my spirituality and self worth. One of the times he reconnected with me ( which he did most the time, but there were times where I reached out to him first ) he told me I was his missing puzzle piece that he had to have me in his life, this was also when he told me that he had move to another state trying to forget me. Then he called my left a voice mail saying he was just using me for his own pleasure and that I was to much of a distraction. I let him go yet once again. we didn’t speak for another 2 years. Then my mother and father died last year 20 days apart from each other . My world totally changed and I reached out to him. He was very supportive but distant. Then we started talking again more intense passion, he even told me he loved me, he called in June told me he was come to the state where I live and he wanted to see me. I told him I would clear my schedule , and I did. We talked almost daily, he was telling me his dreams of us together showing the world how magnificent we would be people taking notice of us and seeing our passion love for each other, then as time drew closer for him to be here he returned to his pattern of not talking as much , ignoring my texts, then 2 days before he was suppose to here he texted me told e he couldn’t see because he needed to set the right example for his girls. that he loved me and cared for me but we needed to wait till his girls were grow and out of his house. I too am in the same situation, I have 3 teenage daughters in a co parenting agreement with their dad. I told him I supported his decision and understood his thinking, I feel that this last time he didn’t follow threw was different from the other time. He told me he loved me and basically asked me to wait for him? I would just like some kind of insight as to if I am kidding myself or he is a false twin? Can you help with some insight?
I sought out my true flame July of 2016. The intense attraction could have blown a fuse on my phone if it had one. We met briefly when we were teens and now was the time to pursue our love. We talked endlessly and sure enough he moved in after 2 weeks. I couldn’t wait to bear his child and within 3 months it happened. That is about the same time unfortunately he had addictions to recover from, anger and self esteem issues also which would soon tear us apart. Oh the turmoil! We both fought viciously and we fought to stay together. Needless to say he had to go. He moved out about 4 times. Finally in March 2018. I had to let him go through many cycles of good and bad. Very painful for both of us and just pray to God he would back whole again. I became the runner I had to force him out of my life several times, he chased hard. We just couldn’t stay away but I became remorseful, guarded and bitter. Still we needed our bond for our sanity. We attempted friendship while living seperately and recently somebody snagged him up. I guess a week ago, but could be longer. He didnt have the heart to tell me, but I found out quickly. He tried denying it and justifying it. I hurt, I accept it, I cry, I hate him, I miss him. I had to remove all contact yet I yearn for him so bad. I know he misses me too. Our bond is astronomical but as humans we may never reach the stars. I am surrendering.
My twin flame and I decided to split almost 2 years ago. I feel it was mutual, I lef t because the relationship he was in felt threatened by me and I was afraid contining to be around him would only hurt him by triggering her wrath. He stopped communicating despite my attempts to keep in contact. Not only did I lose him, I also lost two more friends I had made with him. Before them I had never really been part of a group that made me feel so special all my life. They all stopped talking, so I lost my twin flame, 2 dear friends, and my only social life out side of my own relationship. It was tragic, but out of that tragedy I learned what happened. I didn’t truly love or appreciate my immediate surroundings, family, or my soul mate that I was already with. I was needy in my relationships because I didn’t have the emotional support I needed to give myself. Those people had the same problem and no one was truly helping anyone in that circle of friends. I also was too immersed in what I didn’t have.
So I have been loving myself harder than I’ve ever loved myself, my relationship with my soul mate has never been happier or secure. I even appreciate my blood family more, before they felt distant, now we’ve bonded like never before. I’ve also did all this with the intention of him coming back, to have somthing good to show him, to share with him instead of making him feel like he has to fill a soul void.
I feel like he did his job well and am grateful for what happened. I’m still struggling with the “feeling whole” part. I feel like I’ve done everything with myself I’ve needed to do to be a better person for him, myself, and the world and have struggled with his absence. I keep hoping he’ll show up, I get frustrated knowing his image fades from my memory, that I don’t know what he looks like anymore.
So I guess the next step is establishing wholeness on my own. I’ve asked my self many times of I should let him go, my soul always answers no, hence I anticipate and prepare for his return.
October 16, 2012-October 16, 2018 was a 6 year Twin Flame relationship of epic proportions. And on my birthday. It began with the universe sending us all types of Messages and The Perfect Timing of Signs and Synchronicities. The owner of a castle in New Jersey gave us the keys for the night. Every touch or kiss was 100X in size and this actually went on for over 4 years. The epic side of it ended on New Years 2016/2017 in Detroit and the relationship became a business partnership and reduced us to friends for the last 22 months, but the respect level stayed the same, we thought we would figure it out but when our cat of 15 years (I know her 16 actually) passed away on the same day we met 16 years earlier, she announced she was going to separate and 19 days later, our house and everything in it was gone. I never thought a vanishing act like this was possible. She ghostlighted me. Haven’t heard a word in 18 days now, Social Networking stopped too. I know where she is but nobody else has heard from her. I’m taking it like she is on a special assignment from the planet she comes from and will return when it is time. But like you said, “Nobody knows what the future holds”. Me? I do.
We met a year ago for 5 days, the most powerful experience for both of us, and I didn’t have the will power to leave my current life to go be with her, I gave in to fear and hurt her in the process. I flew across the world and returned to her doorstep a year later, having given up everything in my life in hope of reuniting with her, to find that she has a boyfriend and is acting totally cold and distant from me. Doesn’t want to talk or meet and has blocked me from all social media. I am in agonising pain and regret for not making the right choice last year.
Will we ever get another chance? Did I ruin us forever?
Yes I agree with some of this. Yet I was enlightened already and at a high level of spiritual understanding knowledge and skills when the earth plane experience of the marriage in the heavens happened as I had missed this stage out. If we have any sense whatsoever we won’t go blindly seeking this experience. The true Twin is the Soul. I did not need awakening or need to learn how to love myself. I have long been aware that the heart chakra of the world is opening up because I was already serving at a high level locally, nationally and internationally for the enlightenment of the world and I have en esoteric understanding of the purpose of the ego, personality ego which is given to us as a theatrical costume in which to act out our little dramas. Yet I was led blinkered into this experience for other reasons than is mentioned on most TF teaching sites. I was here to serve the Twin in human form as I am already aware that I am a disciple to the Soul. It’s all very clever and we are all experiencing this phenomena individually. I never thought to be caught up in trendy new wave aspects of ancient wisdom but here I am 2.5 years into this aspect of unfoldment and integration experiencing what thousands are experiencing as if I know nothing. One thing for me I was never interested in any concept that made me important in anyway as I have known from the age of 3 my mission is to heal, teach and write. I have spent 20 years as a natural energy healer now I must reinvent myself as the writer who will teach and heal to a wider audience and if this TF experience had not happened I would not wish to be shining my light for the purposes of the Externalisation of the Hierarchy who govern this planet or allowing the Christ consciousness full expression. I am now. The experience is as difficult as the cruelty recieved as a child, the overwhelming disappointments experienced one after the other in physical plane life leading me here to this point where Chiron the wounded healer in my natal chart is in Aquarius. I was truly hoping this was my final need to incarnate here and this is evidence it is. The Causal Body is breaking up and I am being challenged to the nth degree. We don’t go down rabbit holes we fall down them because we are supposed to do so. TF is a black hole. And I am remaining hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take your mind into balance. It’s not about self love or unconditional love it’s about self acceptance and self expression and finding balance between the metaphysical and the physical. Good luck. Xx
I can feel your pain. Of all the other TF experiences Ive read, your experience more or less resonates on the basis that I did not need more lessons in learning to love or respect myself, or others for that matter. Most other TF teachings didnt seem to apply. I thought I already knew pure happiness, joy, contentment, and unconditional love, and I truly believed I was already whole before he walked into my life. I was already married to my soulmate, not a perfect union at all as he struggles with intense healing of his own, but the love ran deep and true and I was 1000% committed. But then I met him 2 yrs ago and he has slowly been shattering my very existence…TF is a rabbit hole, whether they are physically manifested right in front of you or on the other side. Once you know they are there, you cannot go back. It can get very dark, depressing, the agonizing knowledge that you cant be with them in this realm, although your heart and your soul is called to them every minute of every day…there is a deep longing to be home that cannot be ignored and will not go away. So far, time has not dampened the feeling, it has only made it painfully stronger and more clear. And to live with the knowledge that the one who thinks you love him and only him doesnt know what is truly in your heart, and if they ever knew, it would shatter them with so much pain at this point in their own spiritual journey. I have fully accepted that I love my TF deeply…deeper than anything I thought I knew. I dont love my soulmate any less, but I now know my purpose for meeting my TF was to fully awaken me like never before. To open my eyes to the limitless capacities of love, and yes, to test me to the nth degree because as you said, no one would ever blindly ask for this. At times I have felt as I did not fully belong here as well, and meeting him helped me see that was so. I agree with you that for me, it is not about self love or unconditional love, or running or chasing, but self expression and acceptance. And universal timing…and how to continue on with what you were given and to see them all as the gifts they are, how to find the right balance. Best of luck to all as well.
Met him twice 6 month apart
17 years ago. Second time I called his name accross a crouded room. Not remembering him from the firsrt time he reacted to the calling I was referring to someone else. We got to know eachother for 3 days . He was a marine and left for 6 months. We married a month later.I happiky moved south . We were young. I had a son already. It caused issues . Made it to five years and divorced. Got back together but so much pain we put eachother thru I felt we ruined our realationship . My son hated him. So I left. He chased . I didnt give in. But still emarried I remarried and so did he. He has two chidren now. We use to always keep in touch by texting now and then. Ran into him few years back at a fair ground aution. We connected for short while. Me and my husbsnd bought a house the samemonth and year him and his wife did. I dreamt two nights ago he was in prison and I asked for his address to write him. All I got on the paper was 1 twin. I dream about him every single night. Have not talked to him in 4 years now. I believe we connect in our dreams. I wake up crying. I see no way he would leave his family to risk being back with me after I left and shut him out. He was very hurt and angry. I just cant believe he would love someone more than me. I had alot of ego and no spiritual knowledge as I do now. It was just intense and It got physical. My 9 years with my husband now we never even fight. But not even close to what we had when I was with him. I probably have to wait till the next life to be with him again. But Im gonna make him dream of me as he does me.
am eagerly looking for part 2. she and i are seperated at this time. she ran. what to do to survive now?
My twin flame could see me, but I couldn’t see him. I was his muse for songs he was writing and performing. I moved back home, away from the area he lived, because I was so unhappy and I’ll. I met someone else and quickly started a family. Then my partner brought round the records that my twin flame had produced and I just “knew”. So the watching hadn’t stopped. I felt and sensed it all. Then one day, so drained by my knowing and no one else’s belief in what was happening, I lashed out verbally, with so much anger and spite for it all to just end. That was 15 years ago. I tried to make amends, but he never contacts me directly, so I was often furious, whilst I tried to work it all out, from my standpoint. He isn’t a bad person, he has suffered guilt, hurt, anger, frustration too, as I have heard them in his music. Of course I appreciate, but it doesn’t make sense to me that he or anyone working for him, have never contacted me directly. It’s caused so much pain for both of us. There was art work I needed to do, “to mirror” to him what the behaviour was manifesting as for me. I needed to bring up my children too. The twin flame connection split both of our family relationships up. My twin flame suffers sore throats, because he wants to talk to me, but I believe my artistic integrity and his recording contract has perpetuated the separation. He has someone else now. Also the people in his life support him. The only people who believe me are my children. I could go on and on, but ultimately all this separation has caused is unhappiness or us mirroring to each other how we feel. Then other people’s opinions and demands get in our way. I just want to be happy ♥️♥️
My late boyfriend must have thought we were twin flames. He was looking up this very website and copied the 11 signes you may be in a twin flame relatioship. I had never heard of this before. Now that I have learned of it, I am sure that he was right. He used the screenshot of the 11 signs as a cover for an album in his phone of only pictures of me. This is what brought me here. I am crushed that he died!