Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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I have recently been separated from someone who made me feel like no one else has before. So the moment he came into my life, I was convinced on an underlying level he had been “sent”. I am a passionate person anyway and I have experienced intense loving feelings towards people before, but this has been very different. With him I felt a strong sense of calm. The relationship wasn’t unstable in any way, there was no passionate rifts. The only thing I felt was wasn’t right was that I knew he had emotional wounds of some kind. I did know the whole time I couldn’t fix these wounds, but I felt strongly compelled to be near him and very aware of his internal suffering. He left me suddenly – so suddenly there was no rational sense to it – but in a way he hasn’t left at all because we are still in regular contact. It’s like he has run away from me but he feels the same magnetism I do and can’t give up completely. In fact he was very relieved when I said I forgave him and wanted to stay in contact. When he left he confessed he had deep feelings for me, he had held back from expressing this before. My world is shattered- this doesn’t feel like heartbreak, it feels like soul splitting. The sadness I’ve felt has been so intense I’ve almost been consumed by darkness. I don’t feel any struggle I only feel separation. It’s like fate has taken a heavenly knife and split my soul apart. The emptiness I feel is profound. I’ve noticed too that I don’t dream about him. I dream a lot about most distressing life events. All my other lovers I have dreamed about regularly, and the bigger the level of distress the more I’ve dreamed about them. Chasing dreams – or dreams where they hurt me in some way. With this relationship I have had no dreams about him even though this is the worst pain I’ve felt. The only dream I’ve had was 3 months ago when we first met, he wasn’t in it. But it appeared to be a prophetic dream because I’ve unable to forget it and I still don’t understand the meaning. He was present after this dream between sleep and wakefulness, in the in between. But not in the actual dream. Being without him is like the deep calm I felt in his presence has been ripped from me and plunged me into the deepest inner turmoil. I need to know what that dream meant because I feel like there are forces attempting to remove him from me. I feel as if I am under attack. Not from him but some other force.
I believe I am going through a twin flame separation, we met at a time of extreme struggle and turmoil in both of our lives. I was going through a divorce and he was dealing with custody arrangements. We became fast friends, best friends and support for one another. He wasn’t normally the type of person I would pursue a relationship with but we connected so deeply it was almost like we’ve known each other for a long time. Sure enough we started to fall in love, and it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. With both of us coming out of previous long term relationships and having children with our ex partners things began to become extremely rocky, I was hesitant to get so caught up so quickly after exiting a marriage, and I think a part of him was also scared of falling so deep so quickly. We would break up but couldn’t stay away from each other, we kept running back to each other. This last time we were together he had contacted me and we decided to try to be friends, we met the same night and it was one of those more intense moments of my life thus far. Knowing how we felt for each other and trying to keep cool about how dysfunctional our love had become. We decided to try one last time, I was all in at this point. He however seemed distant, I tried to ignore it and work through it because I trusted in him completely. Things kept coming up to the point I felt completely iced out of his life, I tried to plead with him to meet a common ground, unfortunately, I decided to remove myself from the equation because it felt like outside influences were driving a wedge and I was not going to make him choose. This decision haunts me and I live with regret. I miss him so much that it makes me sick, I feel like a part of me died the day I walked away from he that I loved more than I’ve ever experienced.
Its been about six months since I’ve spoken to him, and in that time I have been a complete and utter wreck. I’ve been self destructive and careless with my heart. I knew I needed to change the loss into strength.
I’m beginning to reflect and work through these emotions, clearing my energy. I’ve grieved the loss of this relationship for months and I think of him every day. I’ve been working on bettering myself by adopting better habits and cutting out the bad ones. I’ve been searching for my spiritual self and oneness in this chaos. I decided that I still love him regardless of our falling out and will send him my love whenever he crosses my mind. Deep down I feel that our paths will cross again, I’m not going to attempt to put a timeline on when but I’m hopeful that we will find each other again when the time is right.
Btw it feels amazing to get this off my chest.