Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful of confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without self-love, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
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In the future I’ll explore how to overcome the pain, anxiety and depression linked to twin flame separation. This is a complex topic, so I thought I’d split it into two articles instead of just one.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? What have you learned? Let’s support each other.
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I rarely post comments. But I feel the need to tell a little of my story here.
I was recently introduced to the twin flame concept and immediately recognized it in my relationship with my wife.
We met ten and a half years ago. I had become friends with her older sister in a strange way that now suggests to me I was being drawn to my twin flame at the time.
I was in my early thirties then and my twin flame was much younger and not someone I would have had any interest in becoming involved with. But when we met, there was an obvious, overwhelming connection and, for me, sense of relief. I felt so much comfort and peace being around her.
I continued to hang out with the older sister (platonic). They both lived at home with their parents and I talked with my twin flame from time to time. As we got to know one another, I found that I looked forward to spending time with her rather than the older sister. The older sister and I really had nothing in common, but my twin flame and I seemed to really “get” each other in a way that I had never experienced with anyone before. I felt like an older brother to her.
We started having very long, profound conversations and became inseparable. Her family was very welcoming to me and I felt accepted in their home, which was nice because I had had a falling out with my own parents and enjoyed being able to have this surrogate family. Becoming romantically involved with this girl never crossed my mind.
We remained best friends for quite awhile until one day something changed. We both acknowledged that we felt something more than just friendship. This feeling hit me unexpectedly, though, and I was a little hesitant to act on it. We ended up becoming involved, but about a year after, she started cheating on me with someone else. That lasted a very long and painful seven months. Eventually, she realized that we were meant to be together and we got married.
Our relationship had its ups and downs, but there was always that feeling of connection. I had had many previous relationships, each one had its own positive and negative aspects. One girl might have been perfect for me because we had some hobby in common that drew us together, another might have been great for me because we shared similar goals, and another because our personalities complemented each other. What I had with my wife was beyond all that. It felt like we were really one person. In fact, we often joked that we were the same person.
But the dark could be incredibly dark, as much as the light could be intensely bright. I see now that the things that enraged me about her were the very aspects of myself that I couldn’t come to terms with in a healthy way. Everything I thought I despised about her were really all the things I didn’t like about myself. I’ve also recently discovered that I’m an empath. There’s a lot to say there, so I’ll just leave it at this: being an empath added a lot of intensity to already intense situations.
Unfortunately… and fortunately… she ended up leaving me. That was a little over a year ago. As I mentioned, I had had many previous relationships. Obviously there were many breakups, but none that shook me to my foundation like this has. It has been an awakening for me. It has been such devastation that I have found undeniable moments of enlightenment, if that makes any sense. I have dug deep into the core of my essence and discovered a spiritual side of myself that I never knew existed. As much pain as this separation has brought me, that’s how much light I’ve received. I feel that this has transformed me in a very profound way. I am grateful to have received such a gift, as terrible as it has been at times.
I’m now in touch with my spirit guides and feel a connectedness that’s so inspiring. Because of this I feel that I’ve been attracting very spiritual people into my life. I met a man who is a shaman. He introduced me to a channel who I got messages from. I was told by both the shaman and the medium that my wife is my twin flame. I believe this because I was told other things that only entities on “the other side” would have known and also the research I’ve done tells me it’s a twin flame relationship.
We are still in the process of divorce and I’m assuming we will be divorced before too long. But I was also told (and have felt this from my guides, as well) that we will be reunited at some point. I know she’s not ready yet and if she knew I believed we will reconcile, she would think it’s ridiculous and deny it. She’s also a very spiritual person and seems to think we’re incompatible. I thought she might be right at first, but now I know better. We are tremendously compatible… we just both need time to learn to love ourselves and accept our own flaws. Once that happens, we would be amazing together.
This separation and eventual divorce has given me and will continue to give me plenty of time to learn and become better. I want very much to be prepared for the reunion so that we can have everything I know we have the potential to have. As difficult as it is to wait, knowing she’s with someone else or other people, I realize this is what needs to happen before we can be together again. We both have things we need to work on alone. I just keep communicating with my guides and surrounding myself with positive energies to get through this. I’m not biding my time waiting for us to get back together, I’m bettering myself and taking care of myself and loving myself so that I don’t feel the need for us to get back together.
Something interesting I should mention is the recurring dream I had periodically throughout our relationship. In the dream, I would find myself going through each of my past romantic relationships with a feeling of being very lost. I would search each one looking for something but not knowing what it was I was in search of. It was an incredibly intense, frightening feeling. Worse than anything I’d ever felt while awake. Such a feeling of disconnection and homelessness. Then I would remember my wife. I would remember that we were together and once I remembered, this sense of relief would come over me with such intensity. It was like coming home after years of aimless wandering, or taking a breath of air after having been forced underwater for a very long time. There is really no way to describe the happiness and relief and do it justice. I had this dream many times and my wife actually had one very similar to it a few times, where she felt lost and was searching until she remembered she was with me and felt that happiness and relief.
I suppose I shared all this in hopes of receiving some loving words of encouragement. Being separate from someone you feel a sense of completion with is very agonizing. The pain is indescribable. Paths can change and if, for some reason, we don’t end up together again, I’d like to be reassured that even a split from a twin flame in this incarnation isn’t the end.
Thank you to all who took the time to read this. May love and light fill every corner of your lives :)
I’ve known my TF since I was 12. We have been in and out of each other’s lives for 28 years . It’s the most intense, but easy relationship I’ve ever been in. He’s home to me. Every time we get too close, one of us runs, sometimes it’s me, sometimes it’s him. We are both married to other people with children. We have tried to maintain a friendship, but this doesn’t work for us, there is way too much chemistry and energy between us. After trying the friendship thing for a year, we had an argument and we both ran away from each other so we are currently in separation (again). Each time is agonizing, but I definitely have been learning a lot about myself and who I am during this separation. When the idea of him being my TF was thrown out to me, I didn’t believe it. I wanted to have a fairy tale love story with him and I didn’t want to believe the hype of a TF Journey. However, after tons of research and meditation, I truly believe he is my TF. This current separation has been for the best, I am growing. The only thing that is so hard is I can definitely feel the heaviness of his struggle. There are some days when I’m so drained for no reason at all and then I meditate and realize it’s his energy. He has a lot of stuff to work on (we both do) but I know I’m the more awakened on and have definitely been doing a lot of work to heal myself. Learning to love my true self and let go has been the biggest struggle, but yet the best thing for me. In the end, it’s just about love, unconditional love.
I’m crying
I’ve now spent 24 hours awake. Not so much mourning the loss of our love potential, but being so full of sorrow having hurt her, tired her, and neglected her. Just as others have states, you will not understand the power and the core-filling knowledge of a TF until you have met your own. Knowing that I am the TF that is now the runner, the squasher of potential, and neglecter of the duties, and pain maker for my one and only… it is just fucking excruciating. Her words… all of them have filled me, but none will reverberate in my psyche like “what are you doing to us..”.
Can I ask you what happened between you two?
If you’re seeing clearly what you have done “wrong” and you’re searching for (spiritual) information, you’re already on a good path, I think. I’m sure you’ll be able to fix your relationship. It’s not important what you have done in the past if you approach her with love now.
I met who I️ believe to be my twin flame when I️ was 13, I️ didn’t know it then but I️ know now. I am currently 22 years old and I️ am still trying to my make way back to them. It was a fairy tale type of story, we locked eyes and suddenly it was like the world around us faded out, it was just the two of us, but only for a split second and it only happened when we first locked eyes. I was young and shy and never even got to an introduction, but it’s something thats stuck with me, almost 10 years later. I️ can only assume we weren’t ready at the time. If anyone has another similar story, please share it would be nice to relate or talk to someone about this topic.
My love and I met about half a year ago in an emotional intelligence and leadership course we took to better ourselves.(I’m 22, she’s 23)There was a moment in the first couple days of it where we hugged and both of us felt an incredible spark. Our hearts sang as I could feel her energy to a max. She felt this too and it took us both off guard. We became friends and instantly connected. I had to travel to be in this course we were both in so there were days where I stayed with her because she lived in the city. We slept next to each other but we kept it non-physical. In my spiritual journey when I meditated and prayed the fox became a symbolism and sign I see when my angels are speaking to me the past couple years. There were many cases where I would see a fox in the most outrageous and coincidental times to ignore. Well previously to meeting her i meditated on the romance part of my life asking for a sign and a couple weeks later when I first stayed with her, she made me tea in the morning and gave me a fox mug. Only to notice as she turned around she had a fox tattoo on the back of her neck. This was the first time I’ve seen it at this point for she had her hair up. It was like a smack in the face. I told her that I love foxes as well! We bonded over that conversation and for conversations to come we found a lot more similarities. Being in an emotional intelligence course together we got to learn a lot about one another on a very deep level at a very fast rate. As we both learned about ourselves the other was there to guide and ask questions to reveal the insecurities at a deep level. We couldn’t hide from each other at this point. We knew each other on a deep level before we knew all the more surface stuff. All those months we never told each other that we “liked” one another on a romantic level until right before December when our course ended. When we did, the first couple weeks was amazing. We both were living from our hearts. Our personality matrix is opposite of one another and we both knew everything about our past relationships and how they made us to this day. Through my experiences and because I was single for a couple years I was ready to love again. On a real level, for I had grown so much because of my ability and support in self reflection. In her past she was always looking for acceptance in a relationship but every guy always kept her at an arms length. She always allowed her heart to lead and was clingy wanting the love she gave to be reciprocated and for him to put her first. Well after a couple shitty relationships she decided to change and shut herself down to always protect herself. She is a analyzer and uses logic to protect herself. She hated those relationships and promised herself to never do it again. Because of our past traumas I became a chaser and she became a runner. Which in the past before we knew one another we were both in the opposite roles to what we are now, I never gave my heart away and she did, now its switched. After a couple weeks when I went back home, 3 hours away from her, she became distant as she began to get in her own head. As did I though. I started chasing her wanting more of her. So i asked her if we could have a clearing conversation about what was coming up for us emotionally. She was scared of how powerful and fast she felt it was going. In return I expressed I didn’t feel like I was being authentic because I was simply trying to make her happy to get a response I was craving for reassurance which made me act in a way that didn’t portray me in my true light. That was pushing her away and she expressed that to me. This was an issue for her because I was in full supporter mode and was in complete service to her instead of being me, which I am a controller at my core. It was an issue because the role she likes playing in a relationship is being in service to her mate and to have a dominant masculine energy in her life. So there was unhappiness in the roles we were playing. This was all after being best friends for 4 and a half months. She is scared to be in love again, as am I, but nothing has felt more right as we both stand for each others growth and our own. Now, going on 2 months into our romantic efforts ,we have had limited time together because of our physical distance. Although it is blissful being together, the distance bothers us both. My intuition and constant bombardment of signs from the universe tells me she is an important piece to my life. We are able to tell the other what is bothering us, whether about the other or what is going on in other domains of life. She is a beautiful soul and absolutely empowering/independent woman. I love that about her. I have a self worth and abandonment insecurity. She does as well, mine is just a stronger presence although not overwhelming anymore. She still has trouble opening up unless I ask questions that prep for so. I am a little of the same way but since I crave a bit for her attention, in my love language I like to be affirmed, I am more open about my feelings without prying or initiation from her. Me being like this kinda pushes her in a way she is uncomfortable with, which creates her to put a little distance between us. Well I push her away too it’s not one sided it’s just a reaction. I want to just be with her so bad so we can connect deeper in person instead of over the phone. I know she wants this too. She is taking every precaution to make sure she wants to be with me. As for me, my intuition and heart say I’m in love and I learned not to question that anymore when that feeling comes. I would love support on this. Anything you can give me would be wonderful. I’ve never experienced a relationship where we are straight up with each other all the time. Where we put our cards on the table and don’t ignore what’s bothering us. Usually a relationship would go a while before someone explodes with the things irking them. We both challenge ourselves and our mate. I love her and she has strong feelings for me but questions. Honestly, I’m scared to lose her because of our distance. I find it hard to trust that things will work out even though I know if it is meant for me it will. Because I’ve experienced time and time again. To me its a classic runner and chaser scenario. Please share your thoughts with me.
hello James, just one thing: please believe always in your heart, it has all your answers. i wish you all the best with your mate, hopefully, the life will arrange your situation. many beautiful moments with your hearts lady.
I’ve never written a comment like this, I’m not typically one to speak on matters of this sort publically, and directly.
To save space and time, I’ll get straight to it, bluntly. I’m 40, 2 yrs single, ended a “soul mate romance” a year ago, and remain friends still. Approx 7 mths ago, I without a doubt, met what I never believed was real, a twin flame. My mother swore every man was her soul mate, so I of course, am as pessimistic as they come. The one word, I’ve never used previously in a relationship, was absolute, and this my friends, was absolute from moment one.
Compromising my “social”expectations, I engaged the relationship, and now find myself, so completely devastated, by his “running” I’m assuming, that I’m struggling to want to live.
I’m a professional that cannot afford that intensity of emotion, and crying daily for weeks on end, is slowly killing me.
My soul feels gone, l ou cked up out of my reach. I’ve been divorced twice. Never felt the love for either of my husbands I hold for th it s man, and no matter how hard I try, I cant let go, or begin to contemplate surrender. Someone help, I’m supposed to trust my instincts, but I cannot trust anything anymore
I can relate to what you are saying. I myself have been divorced twice and met the person I feel in my heart is my twin flame, after my second marriage had fallen apart. We met online, but it didn’t matter. The first time I heard his voice, the first time we spoke through a video chat, it was as though we’d known one another for centuries. He went so far as to tattoo my name over his heart saying that every time his heart beat, it beat a tattoo for me as it belonged to me. But then things became intense and everything I seemed to say or do, upset him over and over again. I was constantly trying to figure out what to say or do to stop triggering this response. We were together for 3 years before he completely cut me out of his life and I didn’t hear from him for a year. I felt as though my life had shattered and I simply shut off my emotions, became a walking zombie and slowly rebuilt myself, little by little. Then out of the blue he started talking to me again, saying he still cared, that his tattoo still meant something, that he was dealing with things but that he still cared. So of course, I was happy to have him back in my life. But now, almost 6 years of knowing one another, he has started his distance again and I find myself lost and confused and hurt. I told him I was going to be vacationing in the country where he lives and that I hoped we’d see one another, but suddenly he’s become so busy, so preoccupied with whatever is going on in his life (he has basically stopped communication with me again, except for random hellos every week if that) that he’s making it obvious that I’ll likely not see him while I’m there. It breaks my heart and, much like you, I feel devastated and so emotionally lost that sometimes I don’t know if I want to cry, to punch something, to block him, to beg him, or to simply bash my head against a wall until I just can’t feel anymore. I sincerely hope that you are well and know that you aren’t alone.
my twin flame & i had to separate, over time we remained friends & lovers working towards (geographically) making it work. a distance of 2000 mi & twenty years, finally being closed. he killed himself five days ago.
Oh my:( was there anything he said before? That’s so tragic I am sorry for your loss.
im sorry to hear this Jo. One thing ive learned recently is that we never know what kind of battles anyone else is fighting within them selfs, we all have our own demons that we fight everyday. some are bigger than others. im sure he loved you very much.
soo sorry to hear this. be strong honey. may your heart find the peace and happinness again. many blessings to you.
My prayers go out to you. So sorry to hear this. As many say, there are times we don’t know what is going on inside someone else and all we can do is pray for the strength to carry on without these people we cared so deeply for. I’m so very sorry.
Four months ago, I met a man with whom there was an instant, profound connection. The first time we made love, it was as though we had been together forever, like we already deeply knew each other. I knew that he would now always be part of me. We both acknowledged that we had completely changed each other’s lives. Sometimes while we made love, we experienced being the two halves of one being playing together. We were telepathic (I’d never experienced that before) , and in bliss. We knew from the outset that we would only have three weeks, as he is in another relationship. I’ve heard on the grapevine that he is struggling hugely because of an intense attraction to another woman (ie me.)
In the many weeks since we last saw each other, I’ve felt love-longing unlike anything ever experienced before (and I’m older and have experienced a lot.) There has never been a moment in which I have genuinely experienced us as separate, though we are barely in contact outwardly.
I live with intense longing as though I will never, ever be truly able to bear it until he is here again. Most people think I’m nuts of course, and that I should let it go and move on. Most of the time I have found much dignity within myself. Sometimes I howl. The pain is nothing like a “relationship breakup.” My heart is not broken, though intense aching has become an unceasing condition of being.
I currently have no way of knowing whether he will decide to end his other relationship or not. I open myself, over and over again, every day, to awareness that we may spend the rest of our lives together, or I may never see him again. This requires fierce, dedicated, unswerving self-care.
I am well aware that if we were to be together, we would go through a lot of challenges, because we reflect each other’s strengths and shadows so completely. I feel uncannily aware of the many facets of his being, light and dark, and, feel unconditional love for him. We are both longtime healers whose work is to serve the growth of all beings – including ourselves.
This intense love seems to only be growing stronger with time. I’ve tried fighting it, and I simply can’t. I am beginning to understand that I need to let this love no less than consume me. That this love for this man is my portal to reunion with the Divine. Practice for that great immolation. Most days I am simultaneously both ecstatic and in agony. His name is Lawrence.
Thank you so much for providing a place to share this. I’m barely talking to most people about it, since they can’t relate to what I’m describing.
This sounds so similar to my feelings for my first and so far only love. I have a deep telepathic connection to him. I’ve tried to turn it off, to think about it logically, even performed a cord cutting ritual to try to remove him from my heart and mind but to no avail. We’ve been hopping in and out of each other’s lives for 19 years now and I am contemplating whether I just need to accept this as it is now but every time he leaves even though I expect it I feel it will be the death of me.
My beloved twin flame came and went in my life the most highest called him Home. It’s been 7 years.
Sincerely, Ally G
I had just taken a new lover, Tee was older and mature… I was infatuated by his life-smarts, loving attention and gregarious personality, but it was far from a fairytale. Tee told me he would never marry again, which was fine… because at the time I wasn’t intrested in much more. After a bad breakup, I just wanted to have fun!
Tee introduced me to many of his friends and paraded me around like a show poodle. Early in our relationship he introduced me to his business partner, a younger, quieter gentleman, who he insisted I work with on various projects. The only problem was … the day I met his partner Rod, we locked eyes from across the room, and it was as if we danced… the entire time I felt his eyes follow me, as he watched me and Tee (his partner/friend) work the room. It was strange, I felt like I knew him, my entire demeanor with Tee changed, as if I shouldn’t let him touch me, display affection or be too close in Rod’s presence. I knew that day, I should probably stay away from Rod… Although, not my normal type, there was a strong attraction I couldn’t deny.
Not too long after our meeting, Rod asked Tee the status of his relationship with me, and Tee playing macho or not sure of the newness of our situation denied any real connection with me. He suggested that I was one of the best in my profession and that Rod should strongly consider working with me. We exchanged a few preliminary calls, but I knew better… and it would take a forced situation by Tee for us to work together.
These guys were together every day, and I avoided Rod as much as possible as Tee continued to push us together for work. It was to the point I thought he was trying to get us together, since Tee and I had an 11 year age difference. Tee talked about him all the time. I knew when Rod was sick, on vacation… hell I knew when he was dating a new girl or taking on a new project… I was slowly falling for him, and Tee gave me all the details to love him.
Often Rod would be surprised when I could share intimate details of his life to him. Lol, he knew Tee was running his mouth. I kept a safe distance from Rod, while my relationship with Tee continued… only chatting when absolutely necessary. He visited me a few times, but it was far from a romance. He said Tee never talked about me, which I found hard to believe. Anyway, years passed… and after a huge arguement with Tee… I was done! It was 2am in the morning and I called Rod, I don’t know why, of all people… but he was awake and invited me over. We stayed up all night talking in awe of all the similarities and the genuine connection we shared. We ended up having sex, and I won’t romantize it and say we made love… we had earth shattering, amazing, you won’t forget it sex! It was the dance of our egos… really big ones… Neither of us wanting to show weakness, we departed with no plans for the future… either we were both winners of that battle or losers of the war. From that day forward, I joked I was “chasing the dragon” , nothing like that first high! I wanted it again… I wanted to feel like the first time.
Unfortunately my plan failed and the situation with Tee was not over…. he fought to regain some sort of relationship with me, and I never told him about my night with Rod.
I really liked Rod, even told my BFF, I thought I met my soulmate, but I was so scared he would never respect me because of my relationship with Tee. We talked one night and Rod told me he liked me but had a serious girlfriend, who was not going anywhere. So I explained to Rod, he was a rebound… and I was only trying to get over Tee, I apologized for using him and moved on. It was weird …. I seen my words crushed him, he repeated then to make sure I said what he thought I said… maybe at that moment he really felt we had something or he never had a woman screw his brains out and not look back, but the truth was… he was everything to me and I decided I was nothing to him. I never thought he would love me, how could he, when I betrayed his friend and partner, as if it didn’t take two. From that moment on, he was a bit cold, but I was not sure what else I expected.
Over the next years Tee and I limped thru a very difficult existence… he was not faithful to me and we had no future, but he kept me close, and Rod kept his distance, except for the occasional text or call to see if I was okay. Always friendly, always so loving, but also brief. Truth was… I desperately wanted him to save me from Tee. He was possessive and manipulative and I selfishly kept him around to fill the void. The weird thing was ,Tee controlled both Rod and I in the same way…. but called it love.
Day in and out… Tee talked about his partnership with Rod, and it was torture!! I would snap or retort that I didn’t care about Rod, I was sick of hearing about him and even encouraged him to get away from the guy if things were not working. I know it was my guilt. I just didn’t want to hear Rod’s name… from his mouth. In my mind he was the sole reason we couldn’t be together.
It’s been 7 years… and over that time Rod and I shared a couple more moments in time, none as complete as our first….so I was still chasing this dragon. Over the past year, I finally started working on myself, and focused on self love. I accepted I was no more a bad person than Tee or Rod. I wanted Rod badly in my life…. I called Rod, I pursued him heavily the first half of this year, our careers both at the peak of success… it was hard to find time. I really thought he was punishing me, later I found he was protecting me. After months of making plans, we finally sat down to talk. We made promises to figure it out… we kissed and that was the last time I seen him alive. A few weeks later he was murdered. So much did not get said…..
My life changed that day…. 08/18/18 forever. Rod came to me as soon as he transitioned… and ironically Tee delivered the message. In pain and confusion I screamed his name, RODDY, swung opened my door and at that moment Tee pulled up in my driveway in Rod’s car…. I sat in the car, went thru his suitcase (he was on his way out of town) sprayed on his cologne. I thanked God for allowing me that goodbye. The coincidences and confirmations didn’t stop… I never believed In paranormal stuff, my old religion said you die, you get buried and if you are lucky you get to see your loved ones in heaven. Well It’s been almost 5 months since he left us physically…. but he makes his presence known to me almost every day. So many magical occurrences and confirmations, I swear I was ready to check myself into the crazy house… I actually signed up for a spiritual conference in hopes they would fix me… but I have accepted, it is Rod. I met a lady at the conference who listened to my story, said honey you are okay… it’s him! Read these 3 books and I think they will help. The first two were exactly the information I need, almost errily on point. The funeral was beautiful btw, I didn’t attend or sit with Tee, I felt sorry for his loss, but I needed the space to grieve freely and on my own.
The weird thing is my life has been amazing since he physically died, we are together all the time now. We travel together, we shop, we do business deals… I am making crazy money now, and we even have amazing sex. I have the most perfect partner…. but he’s nonphysical. Aside from the occasional moments of sadness, when I miss what might have been. I know this love is better than we would have ever had in this dimension/lifetime. I am living my best life now, and Rod’s death forced me to live… so many lessons, my ascension and awakening is in full swing, and I can only thank my twin Flame… our lil joke, when he was physically present was about playing with Fire…. lol, maybe that’s what we really meant.
I have stood at his grave site day after day, begging to understand our purpose… why this relationship happened, why it was so impactful…. why we didn’t get to live this physical life together…. I explored every possibility, and after reading One by Richard Bach… I was lead down this rabbit hole to discover Rod may have been my twin flame. I love him, and I wish I could have said it to his face… I think he knows, but I wish he could have told me how he felt. Most days I straddle between feeling crazy and naive to blessed and loved. I think the confirmations of his presence after death says a lot about our love… how could I experience so many coincidences? And I don’t know what the future holds but the journey goes on. I have read different POV on life after death, and I don’t want him to leave me again.. but I also want to exist here as a normal person… lol, kinda hard saying your in love with a dead guy… but nothing in life up to this point has been this life changing…. maybe only second to birthing my children.
Thank you for letting me get this out … I love you Roddy!
Thank you for sharing your story. I identify completely with most in your last two paragraphs …and yes sometimes I question am I making it all up???but I do believe you can have the eternal love with one who has crossed to the other side and also one in the physical. As for purpose of it all, I believe I’ve gotten that at least mostly; For my deeper awakening and evolvement in ascension… I also believe we are doing a work/project for humanity that can be done easier now from both sides of the veil. I am fortunate in knowing my purpose and his because I use hand analysis, a technique I’m trained in, that revealed that for us. So it rings true to what I’ve learned about twin flames, that our purpose is to fulfill a mission for the bigger picture…we are eternal souls who will meet again… I even have a recording where he told me he wound see me in the next lifetime….I didn’t understand it then but do now… and I know I have been left here to work on this side and he on the other side…like we are teaming together from two sides of the veil…to bring about the greater consciousness of humanity. LMK if you want to converse more…I have not found many in our situation.
(I plan to look into the book by Bach you mentioned…it sounds helpful) Thank you!
Thank you for the information. I wish to share my TF story here and I would love to hear the thoughts of others as I dwell here on New Year’s Day.
I first met my TF, who I will call 55, back in 2007. We met on a dating site. I was a widowed single dad and a survivor of my wife’s suicide. 55 was a bright young single professional. From the first exchange of emails, I felt an intellectual and emotional connection unlike any other I had experienced. The exchanges were like waves that imitated out of me 3 inches from my brow. Her words landed just behind my diaphragm and would crowd my core, leaving me short of breath. We exchanged letters, poems, and prose. It seemed to have all of the ingredients for a burgeoning romance. However, while most aspects of our friendship were truly electrifying, forays into romance always seemed to stall. I chalked it up to perhaps she was unsure about our age difference, my being limited by parenting commitments, etc. It wasn’t until I began reading up on SM / TF, that I understood that in that time, 55 may have been a runner. What’s more, she recently indicated that she recognized, even then, my desire to fill the mother’s role that my first wife had vacated. Even if she was partly runner, she was certainly astute… and all the more…
We had an understanding in those early days, that we both had our fair share of demons and dragons that ought to be slayed, but were somehow persisting. She had a lingering, difficult relationship. I had some pretty severe emotional baggage and so on. We would encounter each other at times when our orbits crossed. Whether it was a brief hello or a late night phone call, it always seemed to be continuum, and never felt like a goodbye.
Concurrently, I had met a strong woman who took an immediate interest and concern for my then teenaged children. And while she had kids of her own, she was and is a take-charge, get it done person who seemed to have no limits when it came to fostering my kids, whipping my household into shape. She held me to task, and in many ways, saving my kids from a father who was at his wits end and increasingly responding to teenage problems with a moderate dose of rage. She became increasingly attractive and for once, I felt as though my family was not coming apart at the seams. Soon we were married. The kids have gone on to provide us with grandchildren and she continues to throw herself at their wellbeing.
While were married, 55 had taken a fiancée. I’d often check in via social media and through this cosmic connection, felt her happiness and pain, as if we were together. For 55, life became particularly difficult a few years back. The pain of a lost loved-one, the stresses of school and work seemed to have revealed some critical weaknesses in her relationship with her fiancée. She would occasionally update me on life’s ups and downs and our connection was maintained from afar.
That changed about 800 days ago. In events that seemed predestined, we experienced a cosmic collision. I found myself on her doorstep. My constant concern and connection had suddenly turned into longing. Being together after years of physical separation rattled me to core. In the following days I felt as though 55 reached into my skin, unzipped my carcass and eviscerated a truck load of bad emotions, feelings of loneliness, guilt, and ineptitude, and slid her warm-self right inside of me. Like a nimble hand animates a puppet, I felt awakened, alive, smarter, braver, and out of control.
The truth that was experienced intellectually opened the long-locked doors as we entered an earth shaking sexual love affair. Though our times together were often abbreviated, it was replete with the metaphoric wine, flowers, poetry, mental gymnastics and physical gymnastics. We were swimming in the mere existence of one another.
Within a few weeks, I began to sober myself. I hoped not to be an “affair” kind of person. Though 55 was utterly cooperative, managing our relationship was difficult and certainly shameful. It wasn’t long before my “numbness” at home concerned my wife to the point of investigation, where upon she discovered the full documentation of my long history with 55.
Panic mode. Suddenly, the prospect of divorce is on the table. Passwords are changed, bank accounts seized, kids made aware. Lacking in family and close friends, I took the story of my burning twin flame to my kids. None of them offered support in any way- suggesting that I brought their step-mother into their loves, fostered a loving relationship between than, and now I want to pull the rug out from under them? During the first year of working the ins and outs of a possible divorce, 55 patiently offered nothing but love, kindness, and an almost unimaginable degree of wisdom and tolerance. 55 in no way whatsoever showed jealousy or resentment. She only kind concern for her TF and his family.
About a year ago, having maintained a skeleton relationship with 55, I understood that I would have to go deep into my marriage and give it the chance that my wife had begged for. I understood that it was a must-do, even if it meant a complete cutting of communication with my TF. My wife laid out plans for reconstruction and offered forgiveness. I could not deny her this, having put so much of herself into the wellbeing of my family. 55 sat and listened quietly, as her mutually identified TF laid out his willingness to tend to his marriage and see if it was salvageable. For the first time, I believed 55 feared that the blossoms of our TF relationship would be clipped before seeing the light of day.
Seven months later, my marriage has since been released from the emergency room. The fighting has slowed to a slow crawl. Civility and occasional laughter have returned. And with much trying, a luke-warm romantic relationship lingers just above the ashes. Throughout these months, while fostering good things at home and wearing a happy mask, I held a torch for 55. I work a ring in her name, mused over her nightly, and began and ended each day with a contemplation of her existence, warmth, and kindness.
A month ago was a sort of anniversary for myself and 55. I had gone as long as I could and made the decision to contact her. A few weeks ago, we found ourselves sitting in a noisy restaurant. Holding hands and crying. When I told her of my habits to keep her in my world, she grew angry with me. I have carelessly reentered her world where, she had just recently made peace with my absence. She cried foul, and foul was granted. We parted with the agreement to pick up the discussion… which we did over the last few days. Again, our souls collided with raw and boundless emotion. I don’t believe I’ve ever said or heard the words I Love You so many times and in such varied moods. We made love, cried, argued, chatted about nothing and did it all again. Each meeting, beginning with the noisy restaurant was an attempt at closure. Each meeting got us closer to the mark. At one point, while making love she begged an answer “why are you doing this to us?”
We parted yesterday in what seems more final than ever. We cried. dined, cried, made love, and cried some more. In every possible way I wish to release her from our relationship. In every possible way, we both suspect that it may be impossible. And while I may remain married, and she will very likely find a wonderful man, we both know that the TF relationship exists and that it will not likely go away. I’ve promised her that I would stop my whimsical musings and torch baring, as she very much feels it when I do. I promised to never resurface in her physical world unless the conditions will allow me to remain. I made her promise nothing other than embrace peace when it presents itself.
I’ve now spent 24 hours awake. Not so much mourning the loss of our love potential, but being so full of sorrow having hurt her, tired her, and neglected her. Just as others have states, you will not understand the power and the core-filling knowledge of a TF until you have met your own. Knowing that I am the TF that is now the runner, the squasher of potential, and neglecter of the duties, and pain maker for my one and only… it is just fucking excruciating. Her words… all of them have filled me, but none will reverberate in my psyche like “what are you doing to us..”.
While I am bound by a protectionist mentality for my small family, I am full of doubt and regret. I know fully that meeting your TF is a gift that most will never open. .. and I sit staring into the night knowing that she is out there… missing our energy and love. I have never been so full of self-loathing and a fear of having blown it. Readers- your insight is welcomed, but please be kind. I am hurting.
I just wonder why if you clearly love somebody so much, why you remain in a relation which has nothing to do with your heart desire. life is too short. you should re-think if you would enter in a real relationship with your TF, maybe you will also liberate your wife to find her TF. normal people feel so much bounded to each other for the bad reasons. your kids are grown now. are you able to live with the regrets that you passed by your big love? i know about what you are talking about. my twinflame is married also. his wife found out and he promised her to never see me again. he choosed her. his family, his social status, his security. he totally rejected me. he is 74. not so much time left to live this story. so, well, if I would be a man, I would battle for my love. be cause, only true love remains. nothing else. i wish you luck. i wish you happiness. this stories made me almost cry. this kind of full and complete but unfullfilled love. its a torture. really hurting. i hope you will find your answers deep in your heart.