Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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I recently stepped away from my twin flame. It was becoming a toxic relationship with codependency. Although things were not nurturing I still feel our worlds belong together. However, as you mentioned, our egos are getting in the way. Reading this article has helped me to see that I am making the right decision. Regardless of where our paths lead from here, right now we are not meant to be together. I can rest easy knowing that this break is healthy for both of us. Thank you.
I recently separated from my twin soul. It wasn’t what I wanted but I was aware it was necessary. I was the runner, she was the chaser. I loved her tremendously but I needed to heal. I feel better knowing that it occurred though I am hurting so much.
My twin and I cannot seem to get it together … we dance around each other, but have yet to take the plunge … he is much younger than I and has tried to live a heteronormative life … till now. I seem to challenge the very identity he has constructed and shows the world. In turn, he has made me rethink what I thought unconditional love is. The inability to connect with my twin is agonizing… but all I can do is surrender to what is and keep dancing, keep exploring life and this amazing world we inhabit. Blessings to all… Pedro
I’ve met my TF, last December I had a Reading with a psychic and she described every detail about her. We met online in January and everything was so intense and unfolded so quickly , but around April things turned around and she started to run and deny the connections. She’s in another country and we had planned to meet but now she says it’s too complicated. She is without a doubt my TF bit I know we both have a lot of healing to do and also she’s not spiritually awakened, however she did recently say “who knows, maybe we are Twin Flames.”…… I’m working on myself and I asked her for space.
My twin and I have separated (for a 2nd time) and it is agonizing. This time feels like our connection is broken. It has been 5 years of push and pull to now where I said to my twin he was dead to me. I hate myself now for saying it because it’s so not true. He will no longer speak or see me. Wants nothing to do with me and my soul and spirit are torn to shreds. I do not see my life without him in it but at the same time I feel this needed to happen. There was just too much going on this 2nd time. I’m not sure if we will a reunion again but I do know this connection is something I have never ever felt in my life. We could finish each other’s thoughts and just be with each other without speaking a word. The intimacy was amazing because it was passed being physical almost on a celestial plane (I know but it’s true). My heart, soul, and spirit yearn for him even now knowing now he wants nothing to do with me and has moved on already. He was the runner and I the chaser. I came back the 2nd time when I had a lot of personal tragedies taking place. Now this. I’ve even looked into breaking our twin flame connection with many telling me that is not a good idea but I do not know what else to do. These feelings are overwhelming.
Hi there. I dont want to tell too mich about my twin flame journey only that it’s the worst heartbreak I have ever been into. Its 8 months since our breakup. The first three months we had no contact. He broke up. He searched for a contact. We tried to be friends as everything together feels comfortable and connected but there is just too much pain because of the breakup and we did separate again. Now this feels even harder than the first 3 months. It’s like I’ve lost him again and I am not sure if I ever will be able to be close to him. We cant be together as we both suffer from PTSD although I’m in therapy and he is always quitting his.
Too many fears came out when we were together. Old past demons were shouting at us while we tried to survive this love.
Our love started incredible. We met randomly on the street. I told him that he had a nice dog and that’s how we started a conversation. The next day we met for a walk and talked for HOURS. I went to his place and he asked me if he can kiss me. I turned away as I wanted friendship and I was so mad and sad suddenly – I couldnt tell why I had tears coming up on my face. When I turned back to him he had also tears and told me he doesn’t know why he is crying it’s like he is feeling the pain he caused to me. He asked if a hug would be ok and when we hugged I knew it. Time has stopped. You cold literally feel the energy between us. Between the air. It was so intense. A simple hug changed our lives forever. We got out of this hug looking at each other and being confused. I couldnt look at him as it was too intimidating while he asked me “who are you and where have you been my whole life?”
The third day we were together. Maybe that was our mistake. As we didnt take them to get to know each other. We already felt like we know each other the whole life. We shared our entire dark and good memories. Stories we would never tell other people. Our pain, laughter, sadness, joy, dreams, fears. Everything. It was like our souls loved each other before our bodies even met. But of course after all this beauty and love the awakening came pretty fast. Our trust issues and fears of abondment got us into some pretty sick fights. He didnt love himself so he couldnt trust and believe me why I would love him. He started to get so jealous that it was really bad. We couldnt be together in public as he thought I’d might leave him for someone else. And well I had my struggles too. I was afraid of losing him as for the very first time I felt like I belong somewhere. Like I have found “Home”.
Well so now we dont talk to each other and I’m so hurt. I dont know what’s the point of being alive when I cant be with a person who understands me this fully. With who I can be myself. I’m so afraid I will never be able to have this person in my life around. And that thought causes me emotionally so much pain. And how to move on and be able to love ever somebody else? I dont want to be in a relationship where I love my partner only 75 % because I love my ex 100 % and nothing can stop this.
:(