Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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Charlotte
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I noticed my motivations and aspirations shifting when I focused on repairing something that already existed that I did not need to chase. I showed him one youtube video at a time, “the power of mindfulness”, just to spark his mind.
Don’t try do be mindful
If I have the opportunity to… befriend your body, why would I avoid it?
I made it through all the emotional pain of losing my Twin Flame. We were never physically together. I managed to find my way. I got through the depression. I have come to terms with my surroundings. As I was not happy living where I live. I’m working on finding happiness. It has been 10 years since I met my Twin. My life keeps growing more challenging. As it does I try to except it and move through it. But then my Twin started physically causing me pain. In my legs. Sometimes so bad I can’t walk. In my hands going so numb I can’t use them. In my stomach that it doubles me over. In my heart. Ive been to the hospital and admitted overnight with nothing physically wrong with me. Coughing fits, Vaginal burning so intense I thought I’d die. Shocking pain that travels throughout my whole body. And I am 100% sure it’s him because as quickly as it comes on it will disappear as soon as I get it’s meaning. But I can’t anymore.. I feel as if he wants me to be happy and believe he’s coming. But its so impossible to get through the pain and the life I have learned to just work through. I can’t get to that place of physical joy because life increasingly becomes more difficult. And he’s not at all compassionate as I am. And there is nothing out there to help me work through this with him. He can even alter my feelings so that I can’t enjoy things I love to do. And its bringing uo impossible anger in me. I beat my pillows violently the other day. And since this virus came along. I feel even more trapped within this life and not able to feel joy. But I keep pushing through this. And working through this. The only way he is happy with me… And the pain all goes away. Is if I pretend he’s coming to see me. And I get dressed up and wait. But he doesn’t come. And the pain starts again.
Just yesterday we said goodbye. I’m here because I’m having trouble opening to the pain and continuing on with my life right now. I’m still just coming to terms and acceptance of the goodbye. There’s still plenty to process and learn from.
I respect you, but I do not want any relationship with you. I have no desire for you. Ya? ya know. The-elephant is that you are using me to feel more confident in your relationships. Like gas. It seems to me you have forgotten the shape of this path. You have no business speaking with me. But I do respect you. If we were closer, I wouldn’t. I think you took things a little far, but I know you made the right choice, but what am I supposed to do, pat you on the back for choosing what you knew was right for you. Nobody had control over your mind, not me, not God. You were able to do what you did because of what God gave you. You are a strong person, and they are lucky to have you. Had you chose me, my life would have looked a lot different. My level of peace is none of your business, and my past is none of your business either.
Made choices, it seems that would cause her to step back and from this perspective, I can see how she would begin to think about outcomes related to… The choice was made for a reason.?.
I think I might regret a few things but this has been my journey. Now there’s another situation. I did not predict it. I like the benefit of staying in contact because of this, discomfort, that I don’t want to give up. I can focus better, and it seems like to you, it is bloating and smothering. After all, I have eaten, it takes energy to digest. Some people think it is as simple as taking a break and using the toilet… ha ha ha I laugh in the face of anxiety, do you think I could get used to this sort of thing, antacids to help the elephant go down.
Hi, I just let my true love S go because the proces was killing me. She is the love of my life but due to private circumstances she is affraid to reorganise her private life so she decided to give her family another change, leaving me with empty hands. I am very disappointed in her that she leeps on choosing fear over blind true love. But I accepted it and am moving on with my own journey. I will find hapiness again, I am sure about that. D.
I will find happiness. Through a shared connection. Mirror.
My recent encounter with my Twin Flame was mysterious, divine and more powerful than anything that I can imagine.
The timing in our life was not right but our souls pulled us together like magnets. We became one and even amidst mounting turmoil, divorce, family tensions, we were content just being together. We supported each other in our personal problems equally and we respected each other, had deep passion for one another, and did not ever judge one another. We made love to each other with passion that cannot be described. Our feelings were both focused on pleasing each other versus ourselves. It did not make sense to me how something so perfect could come out of know where during a time when my life was such a struggle and the same for my Twin Flame.
Then something happened unexpectedly. We became separated and the distance between us was over 500 miles. My female Twin Flame who was the immature soul went silent on me after a week.
My emotions fears and insecurities began to surface and I found myself alone having to face a personal growth challenge to heal deep wounds within my soul. These wounds have caused my life to be challenging because deep down my inner child felt unworthy of success and I subconsciously manifested this reality in my past life.
The pain of losing my Twin flame connection was so powerful that I had to search deep within my soul to find answers on why this was happening to me. I prayed to God each day to help relieve my mind, body and soul of the pain that I felt.
I am now on day 40 of separation from my Twin flame. The pain and suffering from this separation has been very intense. I have been working on self care, prayer, meditation, and anything to improve myself as a person. I have never felt such an intense connection. The memories replay in my mind and my emotions continually shift with the wind from anxiousness and fear. I have never felt such intense emotions. Sometimes, I wonder if these emotions are coming from my Twin because I know she is struggling too.
I have prayed to release her so that I can work on my personal healing but I still struggle in thinking about her each day. I journal about my experience, I pray to God, and I try to stay busy. My Twin Flame experience was very divine in every aspect but I pray for the pain to subside soon and I can continue my journey.
I love her very much but I am giving her all the space she needs to deal with getting her life back together. My love for her is unconditional and I would give anything to have her back but for now I will give her space. I pray for faith in God’s Will for my life.
From the moment my TF walked through my door a voice in my head said, “never let him go”. I didn’t quite understand why the thought crossed my mind since we literally meeting for the first time. Later in the evening I thought he was leaving with another guest from the party. That little voice from earlier in the evening became a roaring crowd yelling for me to convince him to stay. My stomach was in knots, I felt a huge lump in my throat and was on the verge of tears. As soon as it was made clear he wasn’t leaving , my physical ailments stopped immediately. Over time we grew close. We were best friends, lovers and accepted one another completely. A woman at a casino once commented that “everyone needs their lucky charm close by” and offered me her seat so I could sit next to him. I was taken aback by her comment as we weren’t engaging in PDA. As time went on we shared a dream and began to feel each others energy. We both had heartburn at the same time without being near each other. I ordered his favorite food items twice without him telling me. I always knew when he was lying even though he eventually came clean about it. I haven’t seen him in three years and just found out he is in a relationship. While I want nothing more than for him to find happiness, even if it’s not with me; I’d be lying if I said my heart isn’t broken. I know why we can’t be together(at least part of the reason why)but now I’m afraid even after I make the changes I need in my life it will be too little too late. My fear is compounded by the fact that according to my numerology chart, I’m now in my last life cycle. I love him with all my heart and believe we are destined to be together. I don’t know what to do or where to turn. Family and friends wouldn’t understand the whole TF concept or perhaps believe such a thing exists so I can’t talk to them. I feel lost and alone.
I trashed your name at the place you work and now you are responding when I seek you out. You’ve told me what you’ve gone through and what you lost and what damage my actions have accumulated, and yet, you warn me about the consequences of my future actions and tell me you’ll be there for me as a friend if I need it. You also said that you cannot stand to be anywhere near me and associate me with a lot of pain and that I choose not to eat the seed that God grew for me. You said you wish you would have spoken to me about herpes, and at the time you were undiagnosed, and you said the choice you gave me was not to create room for a playing field of pain, but for a choice to be made on my own free will. That extra was uncalled for, over the line, and out of context and character, and that now, I have a lot of clearing to do, beginning with the messages I tell myself to make what I do seem justifiable under the distortion of the current circumstances. Lastly, you said you don’t regret giving me a chance to make up my mind, because that was a once in a lifetime opportunity and what I decide to do is up to me.
Yeah, I think that stage six of a twin flame relationship can be very close to the experience of an unhealthy relationship. My TF and I met and went from stage 1-6 extremely rapidly. Our meeting and connection triggered so many emotional ‘garbage’ from the past, that we both ended stress, tired and depressed! My TF was exhausted and fell seriously ill, after 4-5 months in our relationship. Of course, boundaries than shove seriously and quickly. It is certainly not true that the running-chasing phase goes in relative harmony such as in your case, as you didn’t really need to break-up to find yourselves first. Equality remained.
I am currently separated from my twin flame for almost a year now. I’ve never felt pain and suffering like this before. He’s blocked me from everything so I don’t have any contact with him and it hurts. I cry almost every day praying that we will reunite again. I am coming into the stage of acceptance where I feel like I can trust the journey I’m on and I know what healing needs to occur before we can reunite. I try to focus on that but some days are better than others. I guess I’m looking for some emotional support through this difficult time. To help remind me that this too shall pass….
UGH why do i have to go through the rubbish part of a petty grief that i have it makes me feel undeserving/insufficient and i have conditions for this to work it doesnt make sense i want it to cease but i can never seem to get over it and why have i created these conditions i dont know why i go through so much hassle to fix myself which embarrasses me further and i feel like shit my conscience is making me do this to myself and taunts me with it i know its a lesson right but i cant seem to fathom what this really means for myself i still feel insufficient and inferior to my twin flame even though i feel that im not it just constantly puts me down and i feel so stupid that i cant get over this and it might look funny on the outside but deep down im hurting, bad.
I met my twin flame years ago in high school but he was i was in a relationship and it wouldn’t work. We again years later after he had got out of a bad relationship ended up having sex on his prom night. The sex was very intense emotionally and I knew there was something more. We began talking but I would always catch him in lies and confront him on it and he would apologize and change. After this we moved forward in the relationship, staying over until we finally moved in. All was well, we were such a good partnership and I felt like he was the one that I would marry. We even talked about marriage and told our closest friends. Then we expirienced an unwanted pregnancy and went through an abortion. He was supportive but also scared and so was I. The day of the abortion I asked him to not smoke (were both potheads) and he said ok. I leave for the baghroom and as I’m coming out, barely able to walk as I’m physically having an endused miscarriage see him taking a rip from the bong. I felt so hurt and things got rocky from then on. We fought over small things and big things and everything. Things became more serious when his family left us the apartment we were living in and we had to find roommates and funds for the down payment and things got crazy for a moment but after that we were soo happy. We adopted two dogs and they became our children. Our relationship became stronger and we both less reliant on each other and began opening our home to friends. These last 6 months have been great with him I felt so secure in this relationship and only saw us going forward. These last two months he wasn’t giving me the necessary time and attention and it took him a while to change that but he did and we were soo good and happy. But something felt off, the foundation of our relationship felt unstable. So one night I grab his phone which is not uncommon we have each other passwords and everything. Well I found some stuff on his phone from 3 years ago which is not that bad but still upsetting because if I would have known the truth I wouldn’t have gotten together with him. When I confronted him he claimed he was gonna tell me and be honest. I didn’t believe it and felt that he would have never told me. I told him I needed some time to figure it out and a break. We still lived together shared a bed and household responsibilities. We still cuddled every night. I told him and was honest that I resented him for lying and was feeling a lot of anger. After two weeks I was done feeling resentment said to home I loved him. He now was feeling resentment towards me for making him wait and keeping him at bay. He said he needed a month or two to figure it out and I agreed. I contacted a spiritual healer. She told he that he is my TF which I already knew but she also told me to act quickly because I was about to lose him to someone else. I was confused because we live together and still spend a lot time together he wouldn’t have time to be entairning someone else. She suggested it might be an ex or something. Nonetheless she said to fight, so I do. I text and call him and he doesn’t answer. I leave him a message saying I love him and forgive him and to please take me back. No respond. Which is super weird coming from him. So I check his location and he’s at the local park that he’s been going to with his friends but his friends aren’t in town so who is he with?? I ask a friend to go and see. He’s with another girl. I know this girl and strangely enough looks like me. We’ve been called twins before. I’m in shook. I show up and make a scene. She decided to stick around and walk him home. I confront him. He says they’re just friends. I ask for his phone and he refuses ( something he wouldn’t have done 3 weeks ago). I know and he knows. She’s not just a friend. We were suppose to be taking a break to figure things out and work on our selves and he was actually entertaining someone else. I made him move out and it has been two days and I feel horrible. The healer was right I lost him and will never be truly happy again. I hate him so much for lying to me. My heart is filled with so much pain and confusion. I hope we meet again down the line or maybe not in this but the next life. I’m trying to stay as strong as possible but just feel like shutting down.
See, I don’t know about this whole twin flame belief, but maybe someone can help me figure this out. You see, due to my family dysfunction and my astrology sign(cancer), some of this was predicted to happen in a relationship for me. I’m a freshman, college student, and last semester I took philosophy and I meet this guy online. Both part are really important.
Before all this I decide that I was going to continue my family tradition and get baptized at this church. I also started to realized, I like girl so I was going to start talking to them more. I don’t get baptized at this time period, bc school started and I become really busy. Things wasn’t going right so I decided to stop dating period and just force on school. I’m not thinking about dating, but my friend tell me to get Tinder for really shallow reasons in my opinion, however I did. I like a couple of guys but this one guy…I had mix feelings for. When I decided swiping left, I ended up swiping right. So I’m not playing him much attention, but I’m still talking to him. One day, my parents don’t come home into late, I was bored so I ask him did he want to meet up. That night I felt different, I just wanted to know more about him… I felt starstruck and I don’t get like that.
Now let’s go back to philosophy class. I never did my homework for this class before the due, but I take and interest in this one story, the greek story about a person with female and male head, 4 legs and 4 arms, they where stronger and tried to take out the Gods, but the gods take spit them. Now at this point and I didn’t know that story was related to twin flame was, yet. Shit, I didn’t every know the term.
Going I back to the boy now. I quietly learn that he sign was a libra and I had to really work this out bc our sign don’t mixes well. I went to study their dislikes and likes, learn that they like wisdom and decide to tell him this story the next time we meet up. That day we go to a park and somebody come up to us…By the way it’s dark, she got the light in our face telling us we would be a couple, asking us why we not together. I become uncomfortable,so he did all the talking and I just agree. He lied and that lied is one of the reason why we not together now.
That park become “our place.”
As he walk me home, we was walking really slow and my toxics behavior of hitting him was about to start again, but this time instead I turn look into his eyes and I got stuck for about 10 second. It felt as it was just me and him. I wanted to kiss him so badly. He spoke first, asking me something along the lines of what’s…wrong. That broke me, but pick me in shock, but i said nothing. I was so curiosity about what that was all about, so I did it two more times and the same thing happen.
(I told him what my feelings was over text,(i didn’t tell him about the by ourself part) he was like i know it and if we where to kiss, we would be dating since we both like each other.
Our next meeting, we did kiss. Not for long bc i climb into his arms and i just wanted him to hold me. I felt safe, at peace in his arms. Almost went to sleep.
However, things started to go down hill, my feelings for him started to get too out of handed, i can’t force on school work. I told him about it and would help me come down and I was looking forward to going my aunt’s house, I need a break. However, it wasn’t much of a break bc we stay on the phone.
We still meet at the park during the week.
The next week after that I started to feel this weird energy, i like it but for some reason i felt like i was suffocating plus it was 2 oclock and he had to work the next morning, i had classes. It was a mess. We starting fighting that week.
Now i wrote alot but that’s not the end.
I met who I believe to be my twin flame a little over two years ago. At the time, I wrote him off because I didn’t get the sense that he was interested in me and yet, months later, this little voice in the back of my head kept telling me to reach out. Over the next two years we grew closer emotionally but would frequently get into tiffs because of his behavior which would trigger me into reacting negatively as well. We never really got to have the nice parts in the beginning and it was always platonic but I think that’s because, being LGBTQ, we both had some residual trauma to work through. He had been really hurt by his exes and I’ve been out and accepted myself and my orientation far longer. Right now we are in separation and I find I miss him every day but this is the way it needs to be right now. I’m working to cope through it because I know, despite never admitting it, that he loves me. I felt it as surely as I have ever felt anything. If he doesn’t come back I know I’ll be okay but until then, articles like this help.