Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown. When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful of confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without self-love, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
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In the future I’ll explore how to overcome the pain, anxiety and depression linked to twin flame separation. This is a complex topic, so I thought I’d split it into two articles instead of just one.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? What have you learned? Let’s support each other.
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I met my twin flame online about three months ago. Despite a huge difference in ages and cultures it was absolutely wonderful. I was living on a cloud, a permanent “high”. Shortly after I met him, I experienced what I believe to be an etheric body experience. It went on for two hours, in my friend’s front room while i was visiting her. It felt like hands were feeling me all over. It wasn’t overtly sexual, although my entire top half was involved. It was the most bizarre experience I have ever had. If it wasn’t for feeling that, I would now be thinking that I was over-imagining the whole three months. Then after some blissful weeks it all started to go wrong and I could feel him pulling away. He is currently working impossibly hard trying to set up a business and also working in the family business. He says he has no time for fun, as he put it. I am totally bereft. We are still in touch but it’s nothing like it was, and possibly more down to me that we are. I can’t bear to shut him out completely. I am in so much pain I sometimes feel there’s no point in anything. I have no one I can talk to about it, everyone I know would think I’m totally crazy. Maybe I am. I know my story is far from unique, others feel the same pain. It is horrendous. And I just don’t know where to go from here.
I thought I met my twin flame – when we separated, it was the most devastating experiance of my life! It felt like someone reaped out part of my soul. I felt physically notious. For 2 years we pushed and pulled at each other and he was constantly on my mind. We were never in an official relationship and there was never any cheating but I felt heartbroken and he kept trying to come back as a friend while got himself a girlfriend 6 months after we “separated”. She is a lot like me personality wise. She is a keeper. While their relationship was getting more serious, him and I continued to push and pull each other at plutonic level. I don’t believe I am in love with him anymore although , still mentally attached to the memory and history with him (good and bad). Can’t wait to get over him completely, so that I can move on with my life
I’ve met a girl 2 years ago. She was same age with me, 23 years old, cute and definitely my type, I liked her at the first sight but due to some reason I decided to hide it , as one of my best friend was trying to introduced me another female friend, who was her roommate.
The second time we met we had a wonderful chat, in a group of friends. I realised she knew more about my background then I expected, from such a new friend, seems like she’s quite interested in me too. We didn’t leave down any contacts, but I knew we had good impressions with each other.
But soon I had to get back to my country due to completion of my course. So we didn’t contact with each other for more than 1 year.
I didn’t feel anything “special” about her other than she’s the type I like,until a few months ago.
One day, I started to feel a warm, sweet, loved, an undescrible feeling in my heart like“someone” is coming. That feeling last for few days, until she “reappeared” again on Instagram (she liked one of my posts, but I never managed to see her posts due to her settting as private, she didn’t accept my request due to unknown reason), so I resent my follow requests to her and this time she accepted.
And, I started to feel kind of “familiar” with her face in her photos, which I never felt before, like I’ve known her before, far long time ago, but these never happens when I saw her for the first time.
So I started to googled a lot , and I found the words “twin flame”, I’m kind of “sure” she’s the one, but back to reality I’m still not sure about it.
I started to follow every of her posts, and stories she posted, and I had a very weird feeling that she’s interested to know if I’m interested with her too, even though I haven’t contact with her, as manytimes she posted something (especially insta stories) that are like kind of “getting” my attention.
But she seldom like my photos, only once in a while.
So one night I posted a photo with some “hidden” meanings to imply and see if she understand what I mean, and then poofff !! not more then 3 mins, she’s the first to liked the photos, which is a bit rare for her.
I knew these cannot mean anything, as everything could be coincidence. So I DM her directly to say hi, but her reply was slow and cold.
And then I started to doubt everything, I’m not sure if that feeling was real, or is it just my imagination? Or maybe, purely just my bad habit of overthinking.
Recently I’m looking for a job at her country, and I had a feeling that soon we’ll meet again, in person.
But many times I still doubt about it, not sure if she’s really the one…?? Not sure if any others experienced the similar thing??
I met my twinflame in college. I switched my major the day I moved into the dorms, and he happened to live 2 doors down from my room. We had an amazing connection but were definitely too young. As with typical twin flames we would separate and then always come back to each other. The second time we came together things became romantic. We had a huge catastrophic falling out and didn’t speak to each other for 5 years. After that we reconnected and spent 2 years travelling, talking about our past issues and really forgiving each other. Things were great and then I could sense his fear of true commitment. Hands down the maturity level wasn’t there for him. He started dating someone younger (also an indicator of his immaturity) and hasn’t spoken to me since, except to say happy birthday in May. I have to say, I feel that my work to be done is learning to open myself up to rejection, to say what I feel no matter what (of course I can’t do that with him which is ironic). My challenge with him is that he knows what I want, I know what he wants and we don’t have to say it. but we don’t say the things we feel because it hurts too much. To love someone that hard, it’s incredibly scary to think they might reject that even if you know they won’t. The first time we had a huge fight and didn’t talk I was devastated. I cried for 9 months, didn’t do anything else. This time around, I have faith that he needs to figure out what he wants. Maybe she’ll help him grow up. Right now it doesn’t feel good, she has so much in common with me personality wise that it feels like a smack in the face. But I do the same thing. I look for him in others(and find him in others without looking). It hurts, but dwelling on it does nothing.
I hope that he’s happy. I have to hope that. But I also have found that I can try now to have relationships with others but the last 2 years have shown me that I want what I have with him, so what’s the point. Which makes me feel like this is still my time to work on me.
I want to forget this twin flame stuff. No matter where I go (another state), switch gears and focus on me, or just the day to day tasks, there are constant reminders (numbers, our names randomly appear together in life, or conversations with new people in different states). I have tried embracing, forgetting, being preoccupied, etc. I can’t have a day off. I know stay present. However the thoughts can be rather intrusive. I meditate, cleanse my spirit, all that and it just won’t go away. Crazy thing is I’m living and creating life and having a blast however I can’t forget him and I cannot for the life understand why. Why him? Why now? I love the growth I’m experiencing but what’s the point of the thoughts staying there?
So I have to get something off my chest. I think I met my twin flame when I was 14 and he was 17. I was a freshman and he was a senior. I met him through my school’s drama club, and he deepened my love of movies and plays and really any form of story-telling. I was never boy-crazy, until I was crazy about this boy. Even the article on the 8 stages makes perfect sense, especially if you take our ages into account. I saw him around a little bit, which wasn’t too surprising since we lived in the same small town, but when he did he really stood out to me. At a football game a fight broke out amongst the kids that were milling around, it got pretty serious, and he went in and stopped it. I remember being deeply grateful for that and him really standing out. And then again I saw him at the first or second Harry Potter movie and I remember he really irked me, he and his friends were doing that snickering laughter that boys do. And he sat behind my family and I could feel his presence through most of the movie.
Fast forward to my first drama club meeting, and he really irked me there too. He put on this air of being above it all and in control and indestructible, but I saw right through to his vulnerability and heart. Something about that irked and unsettled me. But I was curious and couldn’t stop thinking about him. And when I worked on the props in the theater, I was keenly aware of his presence behind me in the hall through the doors where he worked on the set. I felt such a contented belonging that I was grinning every second I was there, and I knew that feeling was coming from behind me. Then I started helping him finish the set. We really bonded and I think we really SAW each other. He brought so much into my life, he became my teacher, muse, and best friend. I found I loved rock music and rekindled my love of drawing. We fell in love, but our conscious relationship was only platonic. We had what I would call a fairy tale friendship.
But then someone called him out on liking me, and he withdrew from me. Just as the energies were building to a beautiful crescendo , he put up a lot of walls. We remained friends for a couple more years, but it definitely veered away from heading romantic to platonic. We talked on the phone a lot and watched a lot of movies and he helped me with a lot of projects over the summer before he left for college. In this time I can see a lot of triggering a purging. And worst of all, we did the chaser and runner dance. I was the chaser, and it was torturous. This was our trial by fire, and while this stage lasted a couple years, into my junior year, it eventually only left ashes. He moved back to town and we started talking like before he moved away. He eventually admitted that he had intrusive thoughts, and I didn’t take it well. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seek help when he was clearly in a lot of pain over it. It hurt me to see him like that and the effect it had on his life. And the self-loathing was so sad. It broke me for a while, and he never fully trusted me again after that. And then it came out that he had fallen for my bff, and that really broke me. I lashed out at her, and he turned on me in retaliation. Eventually he did admit to a mutual friend that he did fall for me at first, so at least I had confirmation of that and didn’t have to feel like it was ALL in my head.
But now I’ve had a dream that would not only fulfill stages 7 and 8, but would also act as a second chance/reunion signal. In my waking life, I keep hearing the phrase “he’s got your six” and the like, and that even ties into the dream and my past. And I keep hearing about second chances. In my dream, the drama club had a reunion and we sent to the movie theater to start it off. At the start of the movie, I realized he was sitting a couple rows back. I was totally irked again like when I first met him, and I glared at him, but it was because of all the pain from when our friendship turned to ashes. The movie was long enough that there was an intermission, and suddenly he came down and sat next to me. I could sense he was nervous and a bit frantic, compared to his usual steady energy. He grabbed my hand, my foul mood softened, and he told me he loved me. It had the weight and subsequent relief of many years of longing and regret behind his words. Then he gently but firmly grabbed the front of my shirt to pull me into a kiss. I was stunned at first, but I kissed him back, and said I loved him too. Then he just stared at me in relief, etching this moment into his mind. Then we sat back and held hands in silence and both basked in that contented belonging feeling, and I knew that we would never be apart again. We had finally Surrendered to the romantic feelings that were there all along, and to who we were and who the other one was. The dream fast forwarded to a couple scenes in our future to just everyday things and we were happy and living our lives. And we were married and looked totally fulfilled. I felt like that was the Oneness stage.
What could this dream mean? What I felt for him I have yet to even get close to with anyone else. Then I have that dream, set in the near future, and it brought everything back. I’ve been working on self-love and self-acceptance, and now I feel like that is distracting and maybe preventing me from moving on. We were both emotionally immature, and I so wish we had met when we were older. I want to at least see him again sometime, and I miss him so much. Losing him has been the single greatest regret of my life. His absence has left a hole in my chest that took a decade to shrink only a little bit. I initially felt like it was a lucid dream and that maybe we connected in the dream time, but I don’t know what to think now. Doubt is creeping in.