Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
Learn more about how to journal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
Related articles:
- 21 Authentic Twin Flame Signs (+ Free In-Depth Guidance)
- Twin Flame Runner: 6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Soul
I was with my twin flame for more than 3 years. He is my happy place. And I was his. He is an amazing man and I love him with every fiber of my being. It had been an incredibly intense relationship. I had thought that I would never find someone, so I prayed to God that He would send me the man to complement my life, someone to hold my hand and make me stronger. I am a better person when I am with him. He was better with me. There are so many reasons that I believe that he was the answer to my prayers. But he went on vacation with his family, came home depressed and hating himself, but telling me that he never ever felt like this and he was scared to be vulnerable, but was not ok with losing me. Then practically overnight he was gone and he had someone else spending the night. She has been there for a couple of weeks now. She’s married, and very bad for him. He said she only comes around when she thinks of new ways to ruin his life. He knows we are amazing together and she will destroy him, but she is in his arms tonight and I am in agony over here. I guess it’s really over this time. I will never be the same,
I met a guy online one year and a half ago. He lives on the other side of the world. Well we started talking and then something started to grow. We have made clear that we didn’t want any relationship and we would have seen how this thing would go… We texted each other everyday from morning to night, calls, videocalls. We were so supportive of each other and if there were any bad moments we were there for each other evry single time. It felt like paradise, i’ve never had any doubt about him. Then he, in May I think, texted me I love you. 50% of me didn’t believe him but the other 50 it did believe him. then we never talked about that i love you, but i started to dig deep into my feelings and i realized i felt it too. and one day from he just started being distant. I asked him what was going on and he said just work. I’m very intuitive with people i deeply care about and i felt there was something else. so one day i told him “listen i know you’re busy but can we please talk?” at the end we talked and everything was exactly as before, he joked, he multiple text me, like he wasn’t cold or anything, but I really wanted to ask him “do you feel like something changed or do you still feel free (like we used to say i the beginning)?” even tho i was hella scared, but i did and he answered he still felt free. i was a bit disappointed and i told him that maybe i had to distance myself, at first he didnt’ seem to agree with that but then he told me “well maybe it’s better for both of us” and there I started to think that i’ve ruined everything, he told me i hadn’t but anyway I felt responsible. so the 3rd week of July, I’ve “parted ways” with this person.Our last convo was on the 6th of september and this last time I got a immature because the day before he texted me hey, i answered hey and because of times zone, he saw it at 6pm (europe time) and he left me on seen. so I was very insecure and texted him if he blocked me or cancelled my number or if he hates me now? what did i do to him?.. i texted him at his 7am and let’s say it wasn’t the best way to wake him up. he got a bit mad (probably hates me now) but the last message I’ve sent him was “ok I won’t bother you anymore sorry”. He saw it and that’s it. Everyone is telling me to wait. I will wait till half of october for his birthday and then i’ll text him. I explained all this, because I think we have something stronger.. I don’t know how to explain. but the thing that blows my mind is that, during this separation, when we was the one who texted first or answered a message during the night while i’m sleeping, I always dream about him, about talking with him. I don’t think it’s a coincidence tbh. If it would happen once or twice okay it could be, but, it happened 5 times. 5 times I dreamt about talking with him and 5 times I woke up with a message from him and once also with a call. So I believe there’s something more to this, but I believe we are not ready for each other yet. BTW sorry if I bothered you with the story of my life but I think this is the only place where someone can get this whole thing, mostly the dreams part bc that’s the once that blows my mind).
I lost my TF recently.. we had a lot of pain and trauma and neither of us were healed. We fought a lot, we broke apart a couple of times. They moved on back to someone they were with before.. they were my world, and it felt like my entire life was collapsing. Like I was losing the things that kept me going, my drive, my passion. The unbelievable happiness and self worth they showed me and made me feel that I never felt before felt like it was ripped away from me, like I had lost everything. They’re still with that person and I’m still chasing.. and they still feel the same way about me but they also know that even though this relationship with their current person is super unhealthy. Because the person is abusive that it’s easier and better. Part of me is just so jealous and mad and confused how all of the connection and the time and the memories all gone in an instant. I was the forefront of their life and now I’m just kinda in the shadows.. supporting them directly but indirectly being apart of their life because I’m not allowed to be. There’s a lot of self sacrificing and sabotaging going on.. and it makes it hard to figure out if they’re just giving me hope and making me think they mean all these things just because they want me to be apart of their life still. It hurts but I can’t move on.. even if I’m just being dragged along while I wait for one day.. for us to be together again.
My TF and I agreed to part ways last month. It was me who initiated the split but it still hurts like a metaphorical knife to the chest. I just want to pain to stop. I want to be able to forget him; it’s the memories of the good times and the regret of not having what could have been, that is killing me.
This pain is indeed, almost unbearable. Just as I think I am starting to move on, I hear a song, smell a scent, or look at the placement of the sun/moon and just break down. It is so unbelievably hard, man. There is definitely some spiritual growth and emotional maturity occurring, but at a great, great cost to my heart. Sometimes I wish I never met my flame, but then again, I wouldn’t know just how deep a connection can truly be I suppose. The light and heat of the flame lit my way through the darkness, only to plunge me back into the darkness when it ended. I know there is a lesson to be learned, or some kind of expected growth to occur; I just am hoping they present themselves soon. It’s been almost 6 months since I saw her and every fuc**** day is a battle I feel I am losing. The best way I can describe it is the most loved you will ever feel in your life while simultaneously feeling a sense of hopelessness because in my case, I knew deep down it wouldn’t last. So those out there who are experiencing this, I know how you feel in its truest form. Just keep hanging on…I am trying myself.
I don’t know shyt about shyt but I think the lesson is to give yourself what they gave you. I’m working on that one myself. For instance. My tf…this one time, my karmic was on me alot about my appearance. Like how bad my hair always looked etc. One day I got out of my truck with my hair all wild from the wind, my karmic mentioned it was a mess and I felt self conscious, I looked at my TF (who is a mutual friend) and made a joke cuz I felt bad about how it looked. I’ll never forget his eyes, he looked straight at me and without skipping a beat, said “I love it”, meaning my messy hair. If my karmic wasn’t right there I’d have hugged him so hard. Just writing that I wanna hug him lol. He was showing me to love myself. It’s hard to remember without my TF to remind me but that was my gift from him. Love myself. See the best in myself. If he can, I can. I just hope he can do the same, see the amazing man I saw and love himself too. He’s a special soul, that one.
Btw the hurt is always kinda there. But remember the bliss and it takes the edge off in a way, at least for me.
I met my twin flame 8 months ago. We have been together and separated multiple times. I know without a doubt he is my flame. We come from very different life stages. He has young children and mine is grown. I’m willing and accepting to be there. When it comes to uncomfortable things in my life he places judgement rather than trusting me. I love him within a white aura that is super powerful. He can’t manage his insecurities and his words hurt. I accept his flaws I don’t understand why he can’t pay me the same the respect. When his words hurt I shut down and don’t talk to him which is really shitty. I don’t know what to do
Im writing because I am at a loss for what to do and I really need help to understand. I’m in a small town that I 100% can’t stand because my TF lives here.
Trying to be short an sweet. We never were together in a physical sense. For years I struggled with even feeling sane about what happened. But it was beautiful. I loved him so much and even though he said there could never be anything between us when I brought it up, it just felt like a lie because I felt loved back. I moved away briefly, he guided me back. He went on to move away, eventually marry and have a daughter. I never saw him until he married. And than we started playing games with our connection and I’d get to see him which thrilled me to no end.
Then I asked where he lived. He sent a song that led me to discover where. Church Street. I immediately knew his wife was cheating on him. I fought this discovery because most info out there says love your Twin Flame unconditionally. Knowing his wife was cheating on him made me feel bad. This turned out to be true. Because one of our games (no other idea of what to call them) all done telepathically. Led me to visit his Sister. When I was supposed to be visiting him. She confirmed the infidelity.
Their marriage seemed to be a visual imagine of everything we talked about in our connection. Like he was living it with her. Aside from looks it was like he picked a woman identical in character to me. Which was so hard to swallow, but I tried like hell to be grateful for him at least he seemed happy.
Then they divorced. And my world turned upside down. Because it felt like our connection broke. Unimaginable pains started. Hip pain from an old injury. Aching legs. Foot pain, uterine pain, teeth pain, back pain, severe headaches. Itching, burning, my whole persona changed with it. I started judging people, feeling attracted to them when I’m not. I fight despicable depression, that can vanish in an instant. Heaviness in my brain that literally makes me feel like a dead zombie. None of this can be medically traced. And I know it’s him because when it gets so bad that I think about taking my life and work through that and beg him to stop it will. Like it never existed. I ask him why, I ask him to help me understand. I went to him in January to visit him at his telepathic encouragement. I found a very cold, unemphatic version of the man I knew. He tried to close the door in my face. But he let me in. It was a brief encounter. His dog was all over me. I talked about the job I have that I hate. And then he said, “I don’t work where you think I do”. Which I didn’t bring up. But I always looked to see him in the work trucks for the company because he did. His way of letting me know he hears me even though he won’t at all admit it.
I’m not going to lie all the pain sent me into feeling like I hated him. It’s physical agony. I try to mentally hold on to every beautiful thing he made me feel through the most difficult times in my life. But I’m struggling to feel it for him. I just try to remind him and keep it alive.
In my life I am 100% not happy. In our connection I feel like he wants me to be completely happy because he loves me. But I can’t. I hate my job, he telepathically tells me when we are together I can leave it. This doesn’t help and if I think about how much I want to leave… The pain sets in. As I write this now my heart is hurting. I have had to guess what these pains mean. The closest thing is that I can come to with the heart is that I will get what my heart wants. But it never comes.
The hardest part is that no matter what he makes me feel now, he is a beautiful person. Inside and out. But I feel trapped. I want out of my life here. The people I try to see good in, but there’s just ugliness. They don’t want to know me, they don’t try and I’m isolated and completely alone. Before I had him to lean on. But over time I know I started to pull away because this place I can’t find beauty in it anymore. The people drain me, make me tired, I never get to laugh, express myself or be accepted by anyone. If I think about this he makes my head hurt. Like I’m only focused on the negative. But I live it day after day and I have no escape from it.
When I think about leaving, hope returns, my spirit gets uplifted, but I can’t find a job in this town that pays enough to move. I literally make just enough to pay my bills and eat.
I try everything I know how to be strong. I try to do my hobbies and things I love. I tried depression medication. It made me an unfeeling zombie. My dreams are terrible and I literally feel like a walking corpse. Even though it’s not me. I feel like I hate everything even though that’s not me either. I try to love him and focus on that but he too drains me and I get so so tired.
I really don’t know what to do but leave and that makes him angry. Please help me understand.
I fell in love deeply with a man I felt to be my twin flame. It was so intense and beautiful. But in only a short space of time the turbulance has become destabilising. Due to wounds, he couldn’t trust and was had outbursts, I tried to ease them but shouldn’t have tolerated the cycle as it was harmful. I’m not sure whether it was ego wounds in a twin flame union or a codependent, toxic relationship. I know, for now, for our well being, even safety, it’s important to separate. It’s so hard though as I just want that closeness! I know I need to look at my own ego wounds that lead me to try to make everything ok, magic away reality, not love myself enough. I need to learn to value myself and clearly agree with the universe that I deserve love and support and respect too. It’s so hard to be in separation! I suppose, to see it from a spiritual place, if it was causing him turmoil, it’s better to be apart. Also, it’s definitely better for me and I need to celebrate what is in my life. Also, if is a twin flame union, when we are healed we will unite anyway. Any thoughts or advice would be most appreciated! Thankyou xxx
My twinflame died 8/14/21 while we were in separation ( my decision) as he was in a karmic marriage. He was out of the country for his mother’s burial( same day as my daughters 7 years ago). I am broken-hearted. Any advice to navigate this?
That’s a lot to deal with Jeanne Marie, the pain must be unbearable. I think taking a step by step, letting yourself grieve for little chunks of time and then doing something nice, meditating and praying to link with angels and guides. Sending you love xx
From the time of my earliest memories as a child, I always felt I had a soulmate waiting for us to find each other. I had such a deep feeling about it, it was my deepest belief,I knew in my soul that there was the twin flame somewhere for me. I experienced many disappointments as life went by but my faith and trust that God has blessed me with a twin soulmate,was unshakeable. Then the years went drifting by and 30 turned into 40 and then into 50 and I did never find my partner. By the time of my mid 40’s…I started experiencing a profound spontaneous grieving sobbing crying bout. The deepest grieving Ive ever felt. Like a major piece of my soul was dying,and I was overcome by grief for the loss.It was the loss of time to find her. the loss of the happiness I was so sure would find me. All my life my confident certainty that I would find my soulmate some day was never shaken that ,not for even one second. Then one day, in my mid 40’s ,maybe late 40’s…I sat at home,and for the very first time, it hit me, it hit me like a profound whisper of ultimate sadness and dimay. The first time the thought ever creeped into my mind….”what if I never do find my soulmate?” Is it possible?! Could that really be my fate? I was in my late 40’s and this unimaginable tragic thought crept into my mind for the very first time. And it triggered an episode of the deepest and most anguishing grief I have even felt. I wasnt just crying uncontrollably, I was wailing from the bottom of my soul. I’d never heard the noise of such grief coming from my voice. and its the only time I ever grieve like that. I would happen about once a year. and when I would finish crying, and my storm of grief subsided, it felt like the end of a severe emotional storm, and the quietness of exhaustion left me drained and dismayed. I would wake up the next day partly cleansed and partly lost and dismayed. I carried on with my life, and didnt grieve like that for the rest of a year, and then a year later, it would come to revisit me again. This soul wrenching grief would come upon me once a year for about 7 years. I’m grateful that it only happened about once a year. Then at some point,I must have resigned myself to the realization that I was not likely to have a soulmate in this life, and the annual grief session stopped happening.
I dont know what its like to lose a soulmate after finding one. I only know what it feels like to have had my greatest hope and my only one desire denied to me, and to have my greatest spiritual conviction shattered by the forlorn passage of cruel time, that never gave me a chance. My soulmates must be in the spirit world. I commune with some from time to time, in dreams and meditations. It always feels wonderful when that happens, but still, its not quite the same. I am happy for those lucky souls who have found their true partners. I try to live a life of kindness and openheartedness. and not to let the sadness become like a wound that wont heal. Maybe God had a different plan for me. I’ve been learning to let it be ok.
My twin is going through some hard times. We don’t talk anymore really but I hear things. I don’t know if this is growing or not, I seem to question everything anymore, but I was half way through a message reaching out to him and just deleted it. He will always be in my heart but I can’t anymore. I am with my karmic and supporting my TF and talking to him as honestly as I used to just seems wrong somehow. I know it’s not, it’s not about cheating or something but I can’t hold onto him and the love I have for him and my karmic at the same time. If he and I are meant to be together in some way it will happen but for now I have to focus on me, my life and my karmic. I’m going to hug the hell out of him if I see him but I’m not trying to reach out anymore. He didn’t do the same for me, I needed to pick myself up now it’s his turn I guess. I can’t deny I’ll always love him but I need to love me too. I hate seeing him in a had place and God I hope he’s ok but he’s not my responsibility. Broken hearted but I gotta live my life.
In the mean time, the universe still has a twisted sense of humor. Songs, feathers, numbers, symbols. Dreams. Things in my timeline on FB. I certainly won’t be able to forget him or our connection. Let’s see how strong I am…
it made feel empty n doubt whether he is real one for me.
i still miss him