Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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My twin flame and I separated on Nov 14th this year. I was pulled back to him immediately because of issues at home, but he asked me to leave again. He had to do shadow work and work on his own personal healing. He told me that he didn’t want to be with anyone else, that he wasn’t interested in anyone else, and that he just wanted to be by himself for right now. I know that I can’t expect him to stay single but the thought of him just saying that because he didn’t want to hurt me at the moment makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like I am going to die. I don’t even know how to begin to heal from this. He was my mirror image, and he forced me to confront the deepest darkest pits of myself that I didn’t want to face. I still have a feeling that we will be reunited, but for the time being, that uncertainty is too far beyond me. I am hurting so much. I know that I am whole by myself, but I want him to be there as his whole self too. I want our whole selves to meet again and the love to be stronger. And I know it will. I just need to figure out how to start.
I met my twin flame about 3 years ago and from day 1 we became best friends. We had to talk or see each other every day. He always knew how I felt and what my energy was. Our separation begon when I lost my dad, he knew I had to take time to deal with this on my own. Then suddenly he got into a new relationship, we started talking less. From the day we stopped talking for good I felt a pain in my chest I have never felt before. I couldn’t stop crying and wishing we would see each other again. I know we need to work on our selves, but it is so painful, it feels like a part of me is just gone. This separation is now 3 months and every day it hurts more and more… I just hope that this is going to be over very soon. We will reunite again, I know it. But I don’t feel like I am ever going to forgive him for leaving me like that. Leaving me so empty and with so many questions unanswered. We had such a strong connection, we loved each other unconditionally. There will never be another person like him again.
Just when I was done writing this, he texted me and said: it’s important can you call me? He knows I would do anything for him, even though we don’t talk. I called him several times and no response, texting him, worrying. Even my friends texted him saying I am trying to reach out because I am worried. He read every single word and still didn’t do anything about it. I texted his friends asking if they knew anything, no result… Am I wrong for deleting him on literally everything? From my point of view he was just messing with my head, seeing if I would still care about him like I always had. Yes i do and he knows it. Even if he wasn’t always there when I needed him. I know he couldn’t because of work, but still I will be there in a second if he wanted me to… And now here we are, still confused about what he had to say what was going on and no one who will tell me. If we are truly twin flames we will find our way back to each other and this is just a part of the separation.
I met my twin flame after getting out of an abusive relationship. She caught my eye right away and we became best friends instantly. “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri always makes me think of her. I think I’ve loved her in multiple dimensions and lifetimes.. At first I tried to repress my feelings but I couldn’t and we began dating. I’ve never felt a connection so intense before… Things were perfect until my triggers started becoming more and more frequent. At times it felt like we brought out the worst in each other but our love for each other was unconditional. After 2 years and 5 months together, our engagement ended. Due to my unresolved inner turmoil and shadow self. I’ve been devastated ever since. I couldn’t understand why this pain hurt worse than any other loss I’ve ever experienced. I feel like a piece of my soul is missing and my heart literally aches for her. I know the relationship needed to end for me to become self-aware and to work on a lot of unresolved issues, but it doesn’t hurt any less. We went some time without speaking but after awhile she came back into my life, but only as a friend. We’ve had many conversations about how painful our relationship ending was. No one else could understand the pain we felt but each other. I think she needs to emotionally mature more before the divine will let our love resume, if it ever does, (and I pray that it does).. She’s currently in another relationship. However, we still keep in contact. It’s like my heart needs her in my life, regardless of the role she plays. But deep down I pray we reunite so my heart can quit aching for her. I’ll have times where I feel a wave of sadness come over me and then seconds later she’ll call because she’s upset. I can still read her energy and emotions in a way I’ve never been able to before for anyone else. Finding out about twin flames made the pain I feel make sense and made me feel less alone in it, but it sure doesn’t make separation hurt any less. If she wasn’t in a relationship I’d ask her if her heart yearns for me the way mine does for her.. I can only hope. I know I’ll never have that type of bond with anyone ever again.
I met my twin flame while in a relationship. Right person, wrong time? I had to let him go which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve never felt grief, pain, sadness and heartbreak like this. Ever. I miss him…so much. But our time apart will allow me to grow, become a better woman for myself, learn life lessons and apply, and love myself.
I believe I know my twin flame, but we have never physically met each other, is that possible? There’s times where I will think about him, and suddenly he will message me. We are both very damaged, and lack self love, I don’t think either of us believe we are worthy of being genuinely loved. I know we both have to work on ourselves a lot, and I’m struggling to let him go. I know I’m in love with him, but if he’s my twin flame should I be scared to tell him that?
Thank you for or this information. I sent it to my DM. Weather he reads it or not up to him. I’m ready to separate.
I met my twin flame randomly at a night club through a mutual friend. He said him and his friends never go to the club I was at but they had been kicked out of their favourite bar and came to the club my friends and I were at. At first I didn’t think much of him, he wasn’t exactly my type. He was much younger than me, a different nationality and came from a different country to study and work in my country. Anyway, that he kept following me around the club which I thought was creepy lol. My friend and I went home with them to eat and hang out later that night. My tf and I hooked up which for me was just a one night stand. Two days later he calls my cellphone, my friend gave him my number. We met up and hung out and talked and I just remember thinking this guy is actually cool to hang out with. Days after that we hooked up again and he asked me to be his gf of which I said yes Our relationship was going great, I started having feelings I had never felt from previous relationships. My family and friends would tell me I looked as though I was glowing. We shared our life stories with one another. We always gave each other great advice. He helped me to get healthy and I helped him to open up more about his feelings. The sex became out of this world, nothing I had experienced before. Literally could feel energy shooting through my whole body like waves and I wasn’t even orgasming. Let alone when I did orgasm. We would always hug and not have to say a word but could feel so much more. It was perfect. We were spending most of our time together because neither of us could handle being apart for too long. His friends could see how close we were. My tf and I admitted there was connection. But at that time I didn’t know what it was. Then it happened. His friends and family started warning him away from me because of my age and also for his cultural reasons. He told me we had no future together as he would eventually be arranged to marry. But that we should just enjoy the time that we have until then. It broke my heart I couldn’t believe it. We were on and off, I was drinking heavily to numb the pain but still going bk to him, this caused alot of argument s and fights. Then he’d ghost me or if ghost him. I just felt like shit and I didn’t know why. So I literally googled my symptoms and it came back about twin flames. I honestly had never heard of it in my life. I started researching into it. I tried to tell him about it but our communication wasn’t great at that time. I realized that I was the chaser (even though he pursued me first) and him the runner. I thought to myself fk this I don’t want none of this if this is how I’m gunna feel. So I broke it off with him to save my mental sanity. That lasted 2 weeks then I couldn’t help but make contact of which we were immediately back in each other’s arms telling one another how much we miss each other. That was short-lived we were back to arguing over my drinking. So we are currently in separation at this very time. All up from meeting till now it’s been 4months. I have come across many synchronicities, deja vu, instances that remind me of him while we’ve been together. I have come to learn and accept this journey that we are on now. I am in the process of much healing and self-love as that was always something that I have lacked in life. I have come to terms with our bond and purpose and I wish to see it through regardless of whether we are together or not. I’m not ready for union as of yet but I would love more than anything for us to get there someday. All I can do for now is continue to Love myself and to send Love to my tf and to All, and to put my trust in the Universe and the Divine. P.s Forgiveness has helped me alot thus far in the process of surrendering and letting go. I have still so much to learn.
I met my Twin Flame while I was studying abroad, and in a commited but toxic relationship. When I saw him it was like we knew each other from another life, but it was impossible. We connected automatically and just enjoyed being together for the time we had.
It has been 2 years since that moment, but now we are not talking anymore, it feels like our lives don’t match and we can’t be together, even tough we really want to be with each other. I have realized that I have to do a deep inner work, and my life has completely changed since we met. I feel that this is my mission now: work and learn to love and respect myself fully.
I know that we will reunite someday, but today is not the moment.
I shared 8 months of the most exquisite togetherness with the man I believe to be my twin. We consciously journeyed sacred union together and I felt so blessed to have this level of connection, raw-ness and vulnerability with another, It was beautiful, and we were deeply committed to journey a future together. It took that long for the triggers to begin. He ran from me the first time he was triggered into his deep wounding. The sense of violation, devastation…..shock….anger….and the feeling as if a part of myself had been unexpectedly amputated. To have someone who was a part of me, suddenly turn and act as if we were nothing to one another, has been an excruciating experience. He came back to me some months later in the deepest apology and love for me again. Begging to recommit…And then a short 6 weeks later, when triggered he told me that “He’s not that into me”. His shitfull behaviour by doing that has made it easier for me to move on and get on with my life. And I am…with lots of beauty, personal growth and joy. Yet I think of him constantly, and the pain in my heart has not lessened. I wonder if it ever will.
I really appreciate this passage. I feel like the person writing it know exactly how I feel right now when no one else was able to help me cope with the pain. I actually went to school with my twin flame but I never gave him even the thought. He attempted to reach out to me for two years as adults, but I wasn’t ready. A couple months ago I attempted to give it a try. Well it was an immediate connection. Needless to say recently we agreed to separate due to his readiness. I recently learned that he is pursuing another person so I really didn’t understand. This passage has helped me in ways words could never express. I will continue to cope with the pain and work diligently to become the best version of me and in due time fate will have its way.