Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful of confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without self-love, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
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In the future I’ll explore how to overcome the pain, anxiety and depression linked to twin flame separation. This is a complex topic, so I thought I’d split it into two articles instead of just one.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? What have you learned? Let’s support each other.
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thomas j. miller.
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I met her of all places on Tinder. I thought it would just be another hook up. This would prove to be much different. She didn’t sleep with me for a month and a half, which truthfully is not a long time but in today’s hookup culture was long. It made me respect her and want her more. She brought out my best and made we want to be of service for the first time in my life. I only had eyes for her, our relationship burned with passion and she made me want to be better. I loved her with all my heart, but was to afraid to express it. Then it all shifted in an instant and she ran. I’m pretty sure we experienced interference from a spirit as well. I was devastated. It felt as though I had died inside. I questioned if she felt what I did. Something strange occurred… I was not mad at her. I felt unconditional love for her. I truly wished her the best and began to ask what was I doing wrong? What was my part I’m this. Thus began my awakening. It’s 3 years later and I have done so many different things, prayers, rituals to let her go. Yet she still appears in my dreams. In my dreams we are back together. It always feels real, but I’ve learned to know better. She still occupies space in my heart. I sent her flowers with a hand written note explaining how I always truly felt about her. She recently got engaged, but there is some intuitive feeling or faith that one day we will be together again. Something tells me this is part of her story to block out the feelings that may have risen. Timing is everything and I am a completely different person. I will continue to dive into the depths of my soul to prepare for her return. Has anyone else had or currently having a similar experience?
Sean, Yes! Not exactly the same, but we met and it was an incredibly magical thing. I had never felt that way with anyone, even people I had been with for years–I just knew him, and he knew me. He did the same thing and ran, and oddly I just loved him from afar, and want him to grow and learn, and have this deeply intuitive feeling that we’ll be together someday. He comes up in my dreams all the time in the same way you described. I don’t know, I’m just trying to hold on to hope.
I am absolutely devastated. After many hit and misses over many years, me and my twin flame finally got together in October last year. It was a very intense relationship which resulted in him moving in with me in February. I suffer with BPD and various other issues deep down which have never been resolved as the help I constantly sought never materialised this included abandonment issues. As a result of that, our relationship was so intense and painful. We both just kept hurting each other. He had his demons too. The last week I was suicidal every day and in one brief happy moment, he proposed to me to which I accepted. However this was short lived and he got me sectioned two days later. Before I went with the Police to the hospital, I completely broke down (and not due to the mental health issues). I was just in pain. My soul was in pain. My heart was broken and shattered. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I told him I knew I had issues and please could he wait for me, he said he couldnt :(. Tried speaking to him since I’ve been released, he isn’t interested and he’s cut me off completely. I am absolutely destroyed and I am so hurt and damaged as a result of this. I know, knowing the subject very well that we were both too damaged and neither of us loved ourselves enough for th
is to work at this time but it still hurts like hell :(
I came across my twin soul two years ago online and felt an instant connection throughout a picture. We matched, talked, arranged a date and he pulled out. Over the past two years hat has continued; we have arranged dates and then he ghosts me. But ironically in the past two years I have grown spiritually. I didn’t realise it could be linked to finding him until I read up on twin flames. It instantly resonated. Currently we are still separated and he cannot handle it when I tell him I feel a connection. He just runs and I am accepting of it. With unconditional love all I want is for him to be happy and if that means being apart then so be it. Every now and then I dream of him and ironically I’ll wake up to a message or call from him on the same night. I just think what is meant to be will be. I date other people and it is okay, not the same connection but I am not unhappy.
I have luckily met my twin flame, the love between us is so strong that I have never experienced anything like this my whole life. however we are from complete two different countries living in two different continents. We both are very mature and developed quite far with ourselves in spiritual journey. We are learning how to give unconditional love to ourselves and starting also to learn how to give to others as well. Even though I know we need to develop ourselves individually and continue to grow, but this distance and not able to see each other is killing me. Maybe I grow more and more dependent on him even though I was a super independent person with a very busy career and life. I want to change myself for that, loving him but without becoming obsessive. Can you help me with that?
Well, don’t change for anyone if it doesn’t feel authentic. Or speak for another person what he/she needs to do. We only responsible for our own lives/journeys. We go through pain of spiritual path to advance our souls. We are not responsible for anyone but selves. If Loosing my ego of independence and having busy life is the price to pay for true LOVE, sign me up. But it’s so subjective that is hard to advice someone on something. Go with your heart not with you mind/ego that will find million reasons why it’s wrong.
I’m curious why do you think you are getting depended on him? Obsessed. In my opinion that kind of dynamic results in resentments. Is it possible that you just want to love him, be with him, share your life with him and get the same in return?
I love your enthusiasm of feeling lucky meeting your Twin. I really hope it works out for both of you.
I lost him last month. Last I saw him 9 years back. I am inconsolable. My question is that now since he is another realm now, I want to ask that does he think that I am his twin flame.
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I started to take medication, but a bit late. We wanted to be together and thrive. We both were mentally unbalanced. Both of us haveental issues since always. I think it’s a part of our path to overcome it. And yes. Even after more than a half year of separation. (because of me.) we still had a love in the heart one for another. I just regret I did t took medication earlier so I could deal with all my life better be less ill and reach my goal. And with love also comes pain. As long I felt intense pain. I also had love in my heart. It so precious. Now it already very long time I’m actually running from my dream.
Why do you run? From your love, your dream. It’s hard for me as a former chaser to understand why someone would choose suffering instead of love. Is it fear? It’s completely normal to feel fear. The fear of rejection, fear of getting it wrong, fear of being laughed at, fear of the unknown, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of losing something of ourselves. We can allow fear and the idea that we’re protecting ourselves from pain to run our lives OR we can decide that whatever happens we’ll cope. Yes, we can avoid being hurt by staying well clear of any relationships, romantic or otherwise. Is that a price worth paying? Rejection isn’t the end of the world. Nobody dies. I know that sounds harsh when you’re facing an ending that you weren’t expecting. I know, I was rejected and it sucked big time, yet what I learned as a result was life transforming. To me relying on chemicals to solve your problem is like putting a band-aid on the wound and pretend it’s not there. Out of site out of mind. But it’s still there and needs your attention.
Well pain is part of being a human. Suffering is optional.
I wasn’t scared of love or rejection. I was scared if I got into a relationship I would lose my freedom, independece, heart and soul. I was scared of losing myself in the connection. I wanted to be independent and whole inside so I left because I knew I couldn’t do that with him in my life.
I believe I was with my twin flame over 30 years ago. The relationship was brief in retrospect, just a few months, but it was definitely unlike anything I had ever experienced before or since. Ive been married to, and in love with my wife for over 30 years too. But the pain of losing that one is amazingly still brutal. Its something I have never quite be able to reconcile for myself. At times I can feel my spirit being drawn toward the flame. Its quite eerie. Sometimes out of the blue, and as of late more often, I catch myself breaking down during a passing thought of her. I know she has been going through a rough time in her life, so Im guessing those vibrations are affecting me.
Ive finally actively attempted to reach out to her in an attempt to at least resolve/understand the feelings but she has yet to respond. Im of a mind that if she is wrestling with any of what Ive been dealing with, just the thought of reconnecting might be too painful.
Is it possible, that like blood twins, twin flames likewise have a psychic type of connection? Id sure like to figure it out. It has always felt like Im not as complete with my wife as I should be, and thats not acceptable.
I first met this boy (now man) when I was 13 and he was 14. We had no reason to talk or interact but yet there was something about him that stirred something up inside me. I would watch him from afar, study him and his mannerisms. He was so different and mysterious seeming. I finally had the courage to ask him out. It took months and months so break his shell. But I was consumed by him and we clicked on so many levels that normal 13-14 year olds don’t. Our discussions felt advanced and mature. We said things at the same time. Our musical tastes were odd for our age (1960s mostly). Yet it didn’t seem strange or odd. In high school we parted since he moved to another town but we talked on the phone nightly for about 3-4 hours until we fell asleep. We did this for 4 years. However, one thing I didn’t get from him was enough attention. I felt as though I was the constant initiator and chaser. So of course, in high school, attention from others comes easily. Boys who I wasn’t interested in mentally, stimulated my ego instead of just being a reflection of my own. I was addicted to the praise and flattery. I cheated on him multiple times, they were always very shallow; and with people that I wouldn’t really want to be seen in public with. He found out eventually of course and we broke up multiple times. Every time I would crave his conversation, his wisdom, his advice.
We finally broke up when I was 17. He had gone cold toward me and I wanted that praise and intensity again. Months went by and although getting suitors was easy, I had realized what I threw away. However, he didn’t answer the phone anymore he completely detached himself from me and I was heartbroken. I mourned him and our connection. Years went by and I decided to randomly text his number and he answered, with hostility at first but the interaction from him sparked up my soul and shook me to the core. We talked for hours and hours and not really about what we were up to but of just ideas and memories. A few years went by again and he asked if I would like to me him over coffee. I was nervous and confused because I never thought he would want to see me, but agreed. Seeing each other was surreal and at first he acted with a shield and hard shell, but every so minutes his softness would shine through and I recognized his soul. Days later he said he felt after seeing me and talking to me, that it was as though the time between us, relationships between us all of it, didn’t really matter. And I felt the same. We know each other so well. When he looks at me when I talk and try to fib he calls me out right away. I feel as though he sees everything, flaws and all and I cannot hide from him.
We are both in relationships. I have been dating another for 8 years and he has a girlfriend.
I don’t know the practicality of being with him. The talks of us or the rumors that would start. But I do know I do not want him to ever become a distant stranger to be again. He said we can be friends, however the sexual attraction is too strong to not have the urge to act upon it.
I am the chaser and he is the runner. It frustrates me how he can distance himself with seemingly no difficulty. While with me it pains me and makes me anxious when he is unable to talk. No one has ever made me feel this needy before. It scares me and excites me at the same time. We both tell each other we love each other. Timing feels awful. However, I feel willing to give up my current life to see what happens with him.
I first met this boy (now man) when I was 13 and he was 14. We had no reason to talk or interact but yet there was something about him that stirred something up inside me. I would watch him from afar, study him and his mannerisms. He was so different and mysterious seeming. I finally had the courage to ask him out. It took months and months so break his shell. But I was consumed by him and we clicked on so many levels that normal 13-14 year olds don’t. Our discussions felt advanced and mature. We said things at the same time. Our musical tastes were odd for our age (1960s mostly). Yet it didn’t seem strange or odd. In high school we parted since he moved to another town but we talked on the phone nightly for about 3-4 hours until we fell asleep. We did this for 4 years. However, one thing I didn’t get from him was enough attention. I felt as though I was the constant initiator and chaser. So of course, in high school, attention from others comes easily. Boys who I wasn’t interested in mentally, stimulated my ego instead of just being a reflection of my own. I was addicted to the praise and flattery. I cheated on him multiple times, they were always very shallow; and with people that I wouldn’t really want to be seen in public with. He found out eventually of course and we broke up multiple times. Every time I would crave his conversation, his wisdom, his advice.
We finally broke up when I was 17. He had gone cold toward me and I wanted that praise and intensity again. Months went by and although getting suitors was easy, I had realized what I threw away. However, he didn’t answer the phone anymore he completely detached himself from me and I was heartbroken. I mourned him and our connection. Years went by and I decided to randomly text his number and he answered, with hostility at first but the interaction from him sparked up my soul and shook me to the core. We talked for hours and hours and not really about what we were up to but of just ideas and memories. A few years went by again and he asked if I would like to me. I was nervous and confused but agreed. Seeing each other was surreal and at first he acted with a shield and hard shell, but every so minutes his softness would shine through and I recognized his soul. Days later he said he felt after seeing me and talking to me, that it was as though the time between us, relationships between us all of it, didn’t really matter. And I felt the same. We know each other so well. When he looks at me when I talk and try to fib he calls me out right away. I feel as though he sees everything, flaws and all and I cannot hide from him.
We are both in relationships. I have been dating another for 8 years and he has a girlfriend.
I don’t know the practicality of being with him. The talks of us or the rumors that would start. But I do know I do not want him to ever become a distant stranger to be again. He said we can be friends, however the sexual attraction is too strong to not have the urge to act upon it.
I am the chaser and he is the runner. It frustrates me how he can distance himself with seemingly no difficulty. While with me it pains me and makes me anxious when he is unable to talk. No one has ever made me feel this needy before. It scares me and excites me at the same time. We both tell each other we love each other. Timing feels awful. However, I feel willing to give up my current life to see what happens with him.
I don’t know if he’s my twin flame, but I can see right through him. We were best friends and I fell in love with him. He did too and he courted me but sadly I was still 14 years old and I told him no because we’re too young (though I really like him) . I think he felt down and for months he didn’t talk to me. I didn’t know what to do. I thought I’d die from longing but after three years, it’s as if nothing happened. I’ve moved on and became stronger. When I met him last time, I can tell he’s changed and I am too. But the change is a positive one. I’ve become happier and free, and I think I can do anything.