Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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I met my twin flame a couple of years ago, the connection was instant and we are so alike yet complete opposites that compliment one another, the love was instant from the moment we made eye contact and a beautiful relationship begun immediately, i never knew that there was even such a thing as twin flames, (until a while after we broke up i randomly came across it) my twin said to me when he met me it felt like he found the missing puzzle piece that was lost his whole life and he finally felt complete, meeting my twin made me change completely as a person in every positive aspect possible, he made me want to be a better person to everyone in my life and even to strangers, i was the happiest i had ever been in my life, of course we went through the runner chaser stage, i broke it off as it was extremely intense, the intensity scared me at times but not for long i reunited 2 weeks later as i realized i had made the biggest mistake, and that intensity was what gave me drive and hope in life and simply this man made feel gratitude in life, all because he existed and loved me.
A few months later via text my twin flame ended it.. we still remain ‘friends’ to this day, but i still cling to hope that maybe he will change his mind one day, realize what we have/had and come back but for now this separation is extremely painful to the point where i have almost given up in life, futile hope is what keeps me going but i dont know how long i can handle this pain, if we never get back together how can i live my life feeling empty, numb and sick to the stomach? a year had almost passed and it gets harder everyday.
When I first met my twin flame, I knew beyond a doubt that she was going to be someone very special in my life. I vividly remember the first time I spoke to her and thinking that she was an angel sent to me directly from the universe. About a year after we first met, we began to get really close really fast. It was like she held a road map to my past. She would candidly play my favorite songs from when I was a teenager. Her birthday fell two days after mine (when I was a child I had always known I would meet someone very important to me whose birthday fell two days after mine). She brought out things in me that had been hidden my entire life. She brought out the fact that I was bisexual (after more thought, I’m pansexual), which was something that I had been keeping a secret for my whole life. She helped me understand my problems in relationships with my mother and other family members. She brought to the surface things I had been running from and I know I did the same for her. She exposed a cycle that I have been experiencing in almost every relationship I have ever had. Sometimes I would look at her and see myself so clearly in her eyes, it would scare me. After the initial fun and romantic stages of our twin flame relationship, our egos collided so heavily. We fought constantly. There was always an issue between us. We were together for about a year, until she decided that she needed to meet other people, but still wanted to keep me around while doing so. I could feel her leaving me at that point so I pushed her as far away as I could, and it hurt me more than anything has ever hurt me in my life. I got back at her for hurting me in the worst way (which I sometimes feel regretful for, but mostly Im glad I did it because it drove her away from me and I didn’t have to keep experiencing heartbreak.)
At this point I have learned so much about myself during my separation from her. I noticed that everything I loved about her, are things that I really loved about myself. I realized that the reason I felt like she had the roadmap to my past was only because I had given it to her. I have been creating art, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for so long. I have been working towards getting the body that I want to have by diet and exercise. I have been making advances in my career. I have been seeing the future much more clearly than I ever have before. I am realizing that I am the devine creator of my reality. And all of these are very good things for me and I am beyond grateful that they are happening. But I miss my twin flame beyond belief, but I betrayed her trust in a way that I’m not sure if we could ever have a relationship again. And she has a new relationship that she seems very happy in. I really want to be happy for her but I always find myself hurt by her leaving me and missing her. I am trying my best to find healing from this relationship and I have made immense progress, but the pain is still unbearably present. I’m not sure what’s next, I guess time will tell.
I have experienced this twin flame love. He is married and unable to leave his wife. We have tried three times to break apart from each other and the first two times we could not stay apart. He said he was constantly thinking of me and I was constantly thinking of him. This is the third time and the pain was so intense I started researching for people with similar experiences. I feel that he is still thinking of me all the time and I feel him thinking of me. I felt so complete with him and he did with me. We were in the paradise phase and he made me feel beautiful and I told him often that he was handsome. He was not strong enough emotionally to actually leave his wife and family.
I’m n a separation right now,it had to happen we both have self work to do.i swear I’m dying ,I have bouts of screaming pain and I call out to him,I’m in physical pain especially in the left stomach area.i simply want to die.i need to get busy tho because he gave me homework day before. And we spent 90 percent of the day together I’m only an hour away but it seems like we are across the ocean
Hello, I’m Andrew and I don’t usually talk to people online or post anything really. Ive just been so lonely since my twin flame and I started having a long distance relationship last June. We are both active duty military, it’s something we both decided to do in order to get out of the financial and spiritual rut we were both trapped in. My twin was injured in basic training and has been attempting to recover in the rehab program they have there. Unfortunately she has not been healing very fast and in the environment she’s in I’m only able to talk to her on the phone every 1-2 weeks for 15 minutes to an hour at most. Letters take way too long since mail moves slowly on military bases. We’ve only seen each other twice in the past several months and it’s looking to be several more months before we are reunited. I try to stay positive, but I just don’t find joy in anything anymore and feel I have nobody to relate to. It also worries me that I may deploy before I even get to see my wife again. I’m in a “non standard” army unit and we deploy very often. This separation is turning into the most difficult part of my life.
Hi, I’m Sky. And I’ll call my twin T. T and I live far away from each other. We met when we went to job corps. Even though we live far away from each other, we would text a lot, everyday. But recently, that stopped. No contact. And it’s my fault. And I want to fix it, but I don’t know how.