When we have a victim mentality, we filter our entire existence through a paranoid narrow mental lens that is used to perceive other people and reality.
While it’s important to claim the role of victim if we have genuinely been victimized or abused,ย we cannot move on with our lives unless we step out of the victim role and into the survivor role.
Table of contents
- What is a Victim Mentality?
- How Self-Victimization Develops
- 9 Benefits of Being a Victim
- The Dark Side of Playing the Victim
- 23 Signs of the Victim Mentality
- How to Stop Being a Victim
- How to Deal With the Victim Complex in Other People
- What is a Victim Complex?
- What is the Difference Between Victim Mentality and Victim Complex ?
- 14 Signs of the Victim Complex
- How to Deal With Self-Proclaimed Victims
What is a Victim Mentality?
Victim mentality is a psychological term that refers to a type of dysfunctional mindset which seeks to feel persecuted in order to gain attention or avoid self-responsibility. People who struggle with the victim mentality are convinced that life is not only beyond their control, but is out to deliberately hurt them. This belief results in constant blame, finger-pointing, and pity parties that are fuelled by pessimism, fear, and anger.
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Simply put, having a victim mentality means that you blame other people and circumstances for the unhappiness you feel.
How Self-Victimization Develops
No one is born with a victim mentality, just as no one is born clinically depressed or anxious. Instead, the victim mentality is an acquired personality trait, meaning that it is the result of early life conditioning and coping mechanisms.
Most victims were victimized in some way as children, whether that was through physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse or psychological abuse. Self-victimization can also develop through the codependent relationships we had with our parents, or simply by observing and adopting the unhealthy victim mentality exhibited by one or more of our family members.
However, although what happens to us as children is completely beyond our control, it is our responsibility as adults to step into our power and reclaim responsibility for our happiness.
9 Benefits of Being a Victim
Playing the victim actually has a number of juicy perks. These rewards make it very difficult to break out of such a mindset, which is why most victims seem to be so emotionally invested in perpetuating this type of toxic behavior.
Some of the perks include the following:
- Not having to take responsibility for anything
- Other people lavishing you with attention
- Other people feeling sorry for you
- Other people are less likely to criticize or upset you
- You have the โrightโ to complain
- Youโre more likely to get what you want
- You feel interesting because you get to tell people all of your stories
- You donโt have to feel bored because thereโs too much drama going on
- You get to avoid and bypass anger because youโre too busy feeling sad
Can you see some underlying patterns starting to emerge here?
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Playing the victim actually gives you a lot of power: power to avoid responsibility, power to feel โrighteouslyโ sad and persecuted, power to avoid uncomfortable emotions, and power to manipulate other people.
The Dark Side of Playing the Victim
The majority of people who play the victim do so unconsciously, or unintentionally. Even so, the victim role does involve a tremendous amount of manipulation and string-pulling. People in relationships or friendships with victims often report feeling like puppets who mold into whatever the victim believes they are or wants them to be.
Having other people feel sorry for you is an easy way to wrap them around your little finger. This unconscious craving to control others through their sympathies is really only a way for the mind to reinforce its belief in the โIโm a victimโ ego identity.
There is a lot of comfort and artificial โsafetyโ in playing the victim identity. Not only does it reward you with not having to take responsibility for any of your behavior (because โother peopleโ are always responsible), but it also prevents you from feeling uncomfortable emotions like guilt and anger, while at the same time making you feel โcared forโ by others.
Playing the victim is also often used by abusive and/or sociopathic people who use this role to keep a tight emotional leash on those close to them. For example, a narcissistic person might constantly put down their partner, then fixate on the one time their partner snapped and called them a โmonster,โ making it seem like they are in fact the โabused one.โ Or a physically abusive person might use the excuse that they โalways have to put up with the other personโ as a reason for beating up their partner.
As we can see, the โpoor meโ attitude can be used on both sides of the human spectrum: both seemingly โnormalโ people and more extreme and dysfunctional psychopathic people. For example, in codependent relationships, self-victimization can be used by the enabler and the abuser, and sometimes both at the same time in a kind of power struggle.
There is no one โtypeโ of person that fits into the victim role, so itโs wrong to say that only narcissists or sociopaths adopt this role. I have personally seen all types of people play this role: from sweet old grandmothers to teenagers, mothers, fathers, professionals, and even โspiritually awakenedโ people.
23 Signs of the Victim Mentality
Are you, or is someone you love, playing the victim? Here are some common signs to look out for:
- Youโre constantly blaming other people or situations for feeling miserable
- You possess a โlife is against meโ philosophy
- Youโre cynical or pessimistic
- You see your problems as catastrophes and blow them out of proportion
- You think others are purposely trying to hurt you
- You believe youโre the only one being targeted for mistreatment
- You keep reliving past painful memories that made you feel like a victim
- Even when things go right, you find something to complain about
- You refuse to consider other perspectives when talking about your problems
- You feel powerless and unable to cope effectively with a problem or life in general
- You feel attacked when youโre given constructive criticism
- You believe youโre not responsible for what happens in your life (others are)
- You believe that everyone is โbetter offโ than you
- You seem to enjoy feeling sorry for yourself
- You attract people like you (who complain, blame, and feel victimized by life)
- You believe that the world is a scary, mostly bad, place
- You enjoy sharing your tragic stories with other people
- You have a habit of blaming, attacking, and accusing those you love for how you feel
- You feel powerless to change your circumstances
- You expect to gain sympathy from others, and when you donโt get it, you feel upset
- You refuse to analyze yourself or improve your life
- You tend to โone-upโ people when it comes to sharing traumatic experiences
- Youโre constantly putting yourself down
As we can see, the permanent sense of being a victim is deeply destructive both internally, and externally.
How to Stop Being a Victim
If youโre reading this article because you suspect that you might be clinging to a victim mentality, here are some tips that can help you step out of this toxic role:
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1. Start replacing โyouโ with โIโ
For example, instead of saying โyou make me feel so angry,โ you can replace that statement with, โI feel so angry when I hear you say that.โ This simple trick can help you learn to take more self-responsibility for your happiness.
2. See yourself as a survivor
A victim argues with life, a survivor embraces it. A victim dwells in the past, a survivor lives in the present. A victim believes theyโre helpless, a survivor takes back control over their life. Although the victim mentality is addictive, the survivor mentality is much more empowering in the long term. Once you start seeing yourself as a survivor, youโll begin to feel better about life and you’ll attract other people for the right reasons. Listening to a survivor is much more refreshing and inspiring than listening to a victim wallow in self-pity.
3. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself
In other words, be careful about becoming a victim of being a victim! This role isn’t something you choose: you developed it as a result of childhood conditioning. Be gentle with yourself and practice self-love. Explore your core wounds and core beliefs that compound your victim identity, and replace self-loathing with self-compassion. If youโre struggling to get past the victim role, practice self-care by seeing a therapist. Experiment with practices such as journaling, affirmations, NLP, CBT, and other forms of self-love. If you’d like a guided approach to deeper self-love, you may be interested in our Self-Love Journal.
4. Explore your mistaken beliefs
Mistaken beliefs create anxiety, depression, anger, and blame. A lot of these beliefs are lodged in the shadow side of our psyche, and can only be explored through deep shadow work. You will probably be stunned by how many types of mistaken beliefs you have unknowingly adopted!
5. Ask โWhat thought is creating this suffering?โ
All suffering originates in beliefs that go unquestioned and unexamined in our minds. When we attach to these thoughts, we suffer. Remember that you donโt need to believe the thoughts in your head: thoughts are simply fluctuations of energy that we assign meaning to. Practicing meditation can help you notice how transient thoughts are.
6. Practice being thankful
Gratitude is a simple but powerful way to remind yourself that life is not as miserable as you perceive it to be. Each day, try to find ten things that youโre thankful for. You might like to keep a gratitude journal in which you write these ten things down, or simply name them mentally. Try to feel sincerely thankful for having these things.
Learn more about how to journal.
7. Affirm self-responsibility
Start to notice all the ways you bypass self-responsibility. Be ruthlessly honest and examine how gaining sympathy from others makes you feel special and continues the cycle of pointing the finger at others. You might like to use an affirmation such as โI am responsible for my lifeโ or โI am empowered to create changeโ to help you reprogram this unconscious need to play the victim. You might also like to do something that builds your confidence and actually shows you that youโre capable โฆ or reflect on something in the past that you overcame successfully.
8. Perform an act of kindness for another
When we play the victim we tend to be solely focused on ourselves. Get yourself out of your head by doing something nice for another person you love. Realizing that you can feel good without manipulating another person is an important way to cut the addiction the self-victimization.
How to Deal With the Victim Complex in Other People
Weโve all met those people who are perpetually moping and complaining about their lives.
These people seem to carry around the belief that the world is against them and appear to almost enjoy feeling miserable. In the field of psychology, these people are referred to as individuals who suffer from a victim complex; a type of neurosis that revolves around obtaining pity from other people.
What is a Victim Complex?
The victim complex is a mindset that develops through life and is triggered mainly through childhood conditioning. People who suffer from the victim complex perpetually see themselves as the victims of other people or circumstances. This warped self-perception leads to the desire to gain affection and attention from other people while simultaneously avoiding self-responsibility and blame.
What is the Difference Between Victim Mentality and Victim Complex?
They both sound so similar … so what is the actual difference?
While both can (and do) overlap, the victim mentality is more of a common issue. Most people struggle with a victim mentality at one point or another during life. The victimย complex,ย on the other hand, is an insidious and deeply rooted behavioral pattern that defines a person’sย entireย outlook on life. Unlike the victim mentality (which generally tends to be short-lived), the victim complex can define a person’s life for years, even an entire lifetime.
In other words, the victim complex is far more serious and pathological than the victim mentality.
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14 Signs of the Victim Complex
People suffering from the victim complex will display a large percentage of the following symptoms:
- They will constantly put themselves down
- They will blame other people or situations for feeling miserable
- Theyโll refuse to analyze themselves in order to feel better about life
- They have a โlife is against meโ philosophy
- They feel powerless or helpless to change their circumstances
- They think others are purposely trying to hurt them
- They enjoy sharing their tragic stories with others
- Even when things go well, they still find something to complain about
- They believe that the world is a mostly bad and dangerous place
- They get upset and reactive when given constructive criticism
- They believe that everyone is โbetter offโ than them
- They tend to blame, attack, and accuse those they love for how they feel
- They see their problems as catastrophes and blow them out of proportion
- They donโt take responsibility for their happiness
I realize how frustrating living with, working with, or simply being around a self-proclaimed victim can be. I have dealt with my fair share of those struggling with victim complexes, but the important thing to remember here is that these people are genuinely suffering as a result of their mindset. These people genuinely believe that they are helpless and are at the complete mercy of other people and life. This learned helplessness is not developed as a way of manipulating you (although it can be used that way), it was developed as a result of early life abuse. So itโs important that we show compassion to the people in our lives suffering from victim complexes, without of course enabling their warped self-perception.
How to Deal With Self-Proclaimed Victims
So the question now is, how can you deal with victims without hurting them?
Handling those who struggle with the victim complex can be tricky, particularly because direct confrontation only reinforces their sense of being persecuted. Here are some tips that might help you:
1. Donโt get sucked into their feelings
Remember that victims are unconsciously seeking attention and validation. However, when you grant what they want, you will become emotionally entangled with them, which is bad for both you and them. Try to be a passive listener, without actively involving yourself in their pity party. Remember that they will look to you for sympathy as a way of reinforcing their victim mentality, but donโt give it to them. Simply remain neutral, unless you decide to practice point 3 (below).
2. Make it their problem
Victim complex sufferers will always find a way to pin blame and responsibility onto another person as a way of bypassing self-responsibility. They will also try to get you to agree with them to bolster their sense of feeling โright.โ Instead of agreeing, express how much confidence you have in their ability to handle the situation as mature adults.
3. Agree wholeheartedly
This practice uses a little bit of reverse psychology: go along with their resistance completely so that you completely blow the problem out of proportion. So if the victim is saying how terrible their life is at the moment, agree with them: life truly is awful and horrendous for them. This tactic can cause the victim to change their tune, saying, โwell I guess life isnโt that bad โฆโ
4. Donโt give advice
The truth is that victims donโt want to solve their problems, because that would undermine their sense of being victimized! Therefore giving advice to them is equivalent to speaking to a wall: youโre wasting your breath. When victims seek for โadvice and counselโ what theyโre really wanting is evidence that you care. This is the sad thing about victims: they confuse pity with love.
Try practicing these pieces of advice and youโll find that the victim either starts taking responsibility for their life or seeks sympathy elsewhere. Either way, you wonโt have to be the victimโs โvictimโ anymore.
Finally, donโt forget that the victim complex is a form of mental illness. Keep an open and compassionate heart, but donโt be an enabler.
***
The victim mentality and victim complex are truly insidious and destructive forms of behavior โ they taint friendships, ruin relationships, and destroy your self-esteem. But through applying the advice in this article, hopefully you will feel inspired and empowered rather than victimized by what is happening to you.
Do you struggle with the victim mentality? Or perhaps you have a loved one or colleague who suffers from the victim complex. Feel free to share and vent below!
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Clinical depression and anxiety/other mental illnesses are scientifically proven to be genetically passed down by neurological circuits in our brain. Hence why thereโs a connection between many neurological disorders and mental disorders. Might want to reframe this article.
The point here with the victim complex is that this article applies to some people, and doesn’t apply to others, but as an article to a wider audience, all it could do is just generalize. Remember, they’re not specifically talking to you as an individual. Likely, they don’t personally know you and your situation, so don’t think this specifically means something for your own personal situation. They’re not mind readers. They don’t know what you’re going through unless you tell them, and you can’t read their mind either in a way that you can just assume what they feel about your situation, so you end up having imaginary arguments in your head with the version of the writers of articles like this in your head, without it really happening. But remember, those conversations are not real, they don’t really know you, and letting go of the victim mentality is not the same as blaming someone. It just means that when you were hurt, it’s best to do what you can to help yourself in the situation then to prevent being hurt in the future, rather than waiting for someone to save you. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that you were the cause of the situation. Still, sometimes in the beginning of trauma work, you have to learn to identify with the victim first, and only move on when you’re ready. This is because some people need to reclaim the victim identity, because they feel it’s their fault, and they need to understand the victim archetype first, to understand that they are not fully to blame. Then only with enough venting, complaining, and telling their stories, do they feel comfortable to move on. Still, there should be a point when it’s time to move on, which doesn’t mean forgetting the situation or even liking the person you hate necessarily, but to move on as the “best revenge.” That is, a person who hurt you wants you to be miserable about it forever, and moving on (someday, only when you’re ready) is the best revenge. Don’t move on because they deserve it. Move on because YOU deserve it. But know that moving on takes time, so take it as slowly as possible if you need it, and again, don’t fall into the trap of imaginary conversations and arguments in your heard around this topic with the imaginary version of the author/s, or at least, don’t think of that as real.
I read this and realized your exactly correct. You described every part of me and who I have become being a victim of abuse since age 8 I have never really acknowledged the fact that have developed the victim mentality
I absolutely love your perspective!
are you my friend are awake๐ฅฐ
The most important and tools in life are things,the things created to control life and human beings, their thinking, speaking, writing, listening, understanding, all of them have no meaning, they are things. They call it language, and that language is not our creation, it is their creation, so they said A, you said A. They said Kanji, not Roman letters you learned and knew that only, you have A and S and S in what they created as E and N and G and L and I and S and H English .or another language made of letter or a character called Kanji and when you combine them you get ASS, add H and O and L and E and combine them you get ASS HOLE, and when you think someone has done something wrong you use it to diss them, G and O and O and D GOOD, B and A and D as in BAD, where Good is to describe something that is not Bad and Bad is to describe something that is not GOOD, lol.
So, words, sentences, voice, speech, and acting are all for victimhood. This is why it is such an ambiguous expression.
Do you think you are victimizing me, you or all of us? You are asking for money to sell your nonsensical language. You are sacrificing people as if there is a cure for it. The life itself is pure and needs none of these nonsense. you cant use things to blame others as victims while you are a victim yourself
You are the worst.
You feel bullied and blamed for complaining about programs that feed human beings?
Why is your whiteness so important to you?
When did they say they were against charities to feed hungry black people? Can you point out the specific time in the article or on this site where they said they’re against Black Lives Matter charities or hunger charities? Or are you just making up stuff based on your projections of people?
I may not have a 1st order victim mentality but perhaps some kind of 2nd order victim mentality. I try to explain: My problem is, I often get sucked into their arguments (i.e. with 1st order victims) and then I want to give advice. Bad idea.
Then I feel myself victimized because of them having a victim mentality! What is your advice to one having a 2nd order victim mentality such as me (i.e. feeling a victim of the 1st orders victimizers)?
On a side note: Thanks for not editing (not much) your comments section. Even though there are strange posts occasionally, I find it important to not interfere with feedback. While it my look contraintuitive, it is a sign for the quality of this blog in my eyes.
I believe there are many people, particularly people of color, who seem to have a victim mentally. Some things may or may not have happened to them a few times long ago. I get tired of hearing about it. Everything from bullies, hatred, ridicule, abandonment, abuse, homelessness, problems with authority, false accusations, medical issues, job unfairness, monetary and food security has also happened to me – despite looking white. I donโt hold it against the world, but I definitely have strong intuitions about particular individuals based on my life experience; and, not because Iโve been repeatedly told and conditioned to do so.
My particular experiences have been many betrayals by people I thought cared or loved me (some I even protected at my own perils), many losses (death or otherwise), a lot of abuse, and many accidents (not of my doing);and, itโs happened continually since I was young. This caused constant medical problems, physical emotional and psychological pain, severe depression, money loss, perceived violation from lawyers and others, anxiety of an unknown end, uncontrolled emotions, relationship challenges, severe isolation, interrupted or complete years of work or life lost, and the feeling of inadequacy in myself. I have felt โless-thanโ nearly all my life since issues started early. Every time I feel Iโm finally starting to get back to me and look to the future, another major trauma occurs. Itโs incredibly frustrating, has cause suicidal thoughts, and I feel often that nobody cares or doesnโt believe, or Iโm just looking for sympathy when I periodically explain or express whatโs happened to me. I donโt have much to talk about other than years of pain or recovery because it affects me daily and keeps me from doing a lot. I have made many life changes, even changed careers, only to have another trauma occur that puts my life on hold. Apparently itโs all invalid since itโs not my spouse or child thatโs died nor have I had a debilitating cancer. Everyone has problems. But, my issues are continual and compounded after each occurrence, not just something that happened long ago. I am forever being looked down upon, given advice as to what I should do or try that Iโve already exhausted, and constantly feel I have to justify myself which will come out like excuses. I often feel extremely alone in the world, though I am incredibly resilient, pick myself up daily and try again. It seems like others around me, my family, husband, some of my friends, past business associates, and some of the medical personnel Iโve encountered, have or continue to express: I should find the bright side. Be thankful. Get over it. Stop being a victim and stop feeling sorry for myself. Be grateful you have…. Of course this is usually when Iโm in tears, suicidal, or feeling that I canโt take it anymore. Not, I wonโt! Nearly everything I have been dealing with for years is NOT my fault, but has just happened to me. Usually after the second or third year of recovery I start to feel there is nothing positive in my life. When is it ever going to get better?
I donโt see myself this way, โvictim mentalityโ, but this is how Iโm often viewed and treated. Most have not experienced what Iโve gone through and seem to continue to go through without any support. I get everyone has issues, but they usually also have support. Support meaning someone saying: youโre right itโs crappy, life sucks, let me hold you, I love you, Iโll be there for you, itโs gonna be ok and Iโll help you get there. And no, my husband has gotten angry at me many times because I canโt do what I used to do or because of pain or the need to rest. I can see reading this article that I identify with several of the โ23 signs of victim mentalityโ. But, I can tell you โ> I donโt like having to explain โwhyโ I canโt do or โwhatโ else Iโve been doing besides recovering from another life altering experience. Sometimes I just lie or deflect the questions, because often, the immediate response I get from people are: Iโm exaggerating, havenโt tried hard enough, havenโt done enough, Iโm a moocher, Iโm lazy, or purposely extending my problems. I often put on a positive face and when I breakdown Iโm met with anger or disbelief especially with those Iโm closer too or I have known for awhile before revealing some of my life experiences. I probably am looking for some comfort in a friend or family member since I usually just have to be miserable alone. But usually I just end up feeling worse because of the reactions people have. Who wants to be around someone thatโs not inspiring and positive? Is this really โvictim mentalityโ? At what point are there enough tragedies, betrayals, losses, loneliness, and despair, before itโs ok to want to talk about it, or just give up? And what do you do when you offer to help someone(s) else but they donโt want your help because they all have family and friends that have lived close by their whole life? Unlike me. And believe me, Iโve tried to make friends and wish I had family members that loved me nearby. Pretty hard to do when anyone you start to get close to moves away, dies, or some other tragic thing happens. Being isolated and using all your strength just getting through to the next day is a relationship killer. I will say the only take away I got from this article is to look at things as โsurvivingโ instead, which does seem and sound more positive. I wish there was another article that would focus on โnot victim mentalityโ, or โ the difference of a true victim and how to help them throughโ.
That would be so helpful for me. I really donโt believe I have โvictim mentalityโ. I really get tired of hearing, โyou can do anything if you just put your mind to it.โ Not for me apparently. My body and brain have been damaged so many times. All my goals have been broken or silenced forever over and over again by another issue I didnโt cause. Is it the experience that makes you become a victim, or the way youโre treated and viewed after the experience? I feel there is so much propaganda out there. So much, when someone really needs help, they are put into this little box and flushed because everyone believes the propaganda. Itโs you, not what happened or continually happens to you.
[I wish there was another article that would focus on โnot victim mentalityโ, or โ the difference of a true victim and how to help them throughโ.]
In absolute seriousness, Nicole, could you write such a self-help article/course? Could you start a forum? You are uncommonly articulate and have an extremely in depth understanding of deep, deep trauma and pain. I’m not saying that lightly, I realise it’s not a simple task to undertake, but there are a lot of suffering souls out there who will be able to relate to what you’re saying and as you say, the current approaches are not all easily accessible to someone who is dealing with a large trauma burden. I won’t be following this up, because I dipped in here largely by accident, but I do wish you the very best. Kind regards, Eleanor
I could have written this myself, no exaggeration, like word for word…I had to scroll up and check the username just to make sure I didn’t write it in some drunken outpouring or something lol. Yes. All the traumas. All of it.
I get treated the same way for trying to share…and believe me, I almost never do share, but there have a been a few people who seemed sympathetic, and a couple of psych forums, so I opened up. My mistake! I’m a victim. I’m just “dwelling in it”. I need to change my attitude. Too much self pity, they don’t wanna hear about it.
Like, you carry this stuff around for YEARS, and the .01% of the time you open up to discharge one one -millionth of your pain to someone who seems safe…they batter you down again. I can’t imagine why I feel like “people don’t care” and “the world is out to get me”! (But I gain nothing from it except low self-esteem.)
I’m guessing you stumbled across this article, like me, when someone told you what your problem was again lol. I don’t think of myself as a “victim”, I don’t want to be seen that way…I want to operate my life from a position of power! I despise helplessness! And yet, this is the feedback I get; people complain I don’t show enough vulnerability and then they whack me when I do! I can’t even.
The fact is there are actual traumas out there…it’s hard to endure them alone, and it slows the processing time imo. Most people don’t have any conception of what it’s like to experience multiple traumas, endure them alone, and keep getting knocked flat by another event the second you try to stand up again. Repeatedly. And they’d rather not have to think about it. And I think the easy thing for them is to insist that you’re just being a victim so that they don’t have to.
Meanwhile, I just want to be real and vent and process. I would have guessed it was a deep human need…but I’m told keeping a gratitude journal will somehow patch this over. OK. Reaffirms that I was right all along–I don’t need anyone.
Well I don’t have the answer here, I’m just letting you know, if you ever read this, that you’re not totally alone. I personally think much of our common psychiatric wisdom is geared toward getting people back up on the assembly line. So it’s not OK to harbor resentments or, heaven forbid, think something isn’t right here. It serves someone’s interests I guess.
Hope life settles for you one day.
NICOLE- LIZ OMG all us my silmilar story only your much smarter me + i prob lived a diff life i grew up wrong side tracks and was around bunch sick minded folks who took advantnge my kind and stupid ways, and i was just hard work guy most life then i start hustling on side trying make ends meet give family a lil better life. Thats when the real monsters seen my weakness, my childhood was bad 1st 10yr my life,extreme ADHD, extreme abuse father, who left me trauma i didnt even realize it affected me until last few yrs,when i was lil he try kill my mom, fail attempt fire bomb us, he shot n kill neighbor 40yr ago, i didnt know all of it effected me i just never talk much or knew how it trauma me for 50yr i kept hush until my daughter took her own life and i was a victim of violent crime ALL in last few yrs it all came out and i have been drugged and robbed lot times and i havent been able bounce back like i use to and i cant explain correctly so folks understand me. I cant do technology good to put barrier up. I 55yr i am 100% clean and want to start a new life away from MO, like FLA, i hate to leave my kids But all but 1 are adults and other is with her mom. If i get away i be better father like i use to be but I cant feel safe in this state. TOO much happen i cant forget or feel safe Its such long story its alomost more than folks can believe but i been dossed, hack, scam, rip off, robbed. All because i had a lil more than folks in my circle and they was able trick me in by being nice and i was stupid and fell for all of it. They have got me so twisted up B.S. I just want scream and run and not look back. I was gonna give up, but no i am not after i read stories like yours and others i am a fighter not quiter. I just need a help with tech stuff and understanding how deal with grief and trauma and all my daily mail and paperwork, I got my 90yr mom i care for she has slight demenishsia i told my brother i need help i cant do it no more i am struggling myself to open mail and understand my own stuff myself. I have nobody help me figure anything out. I wana put my 2 rooms furniture and car into storage and go somewhere warm n safe like a place deal with trauma or rehab. Drugs was the aftermath. I dont know tho thats what i need help trying figure out cause i always try dignose myself and i am wrong 50% time. About like the weather man, lol But i am like you i am not mad @ world in fact i love everybody and that has got me into situations trusting wrong people or not have enough sense to stay away from pills or drugs that got me around people who have bad intentions i was to high or stupid realize, not anymore tho, i want follow some your advice and words i wish i could write like you do too maybe people understand me. I feel like I am in middle ocean screaming and drowning and ships fill with people and life jackets and everybody looking down @ me but either dont see or hear me and the ones who do dont care enough to throw a pc foam or life jacket even a broken one i would make work and be so appreciative, i aint been pc crap my whole life i have help habitat humanity and homeless shelter yrs ago st.louis, after i get sq away in life i will help folks again too. I never turn down a person who struggling. I wish i could express myself like your words because we have alot commom even tho prob two different worlds, i can releate to so much you said. Its not often that happens. I now have to decide if i should send this cause it prob sounds stupid but its all true 100% but i dont know about how keep it just on this inter net site ?? that is about trauma right? I NEVER use the word victim for 50yr my life, only last few yr, I DONT WANA be a victim i am survivor i have bounced back from heart attack, cocaine induced stroke, abuse and everything in life and not the loss of a child was hardest ive got bounce back tho, i have to do it for the rest of my children and myself. I just need a lil guidence this time. I hate saying cause i always after getting knock down got up brush off kept going but this time im struggling with basic things in life, spelling, paperwork. planning,following through with appointments. I will bounce back i promise if i can get 1 person in this world who can understand and guide me right direction and help with me with logistics to make it happen. I bounce back Again one last time in life and this time i aint never getting knock down again. Thank you 2 ladies for your stories it almost sounded like you was talking to me with some of it. I hope everything gets better for yourselves, you sound like a couple intelligent young ladies that have keen way with words thats been inspiration for me and i am sure many other people who read your stories and felt same as i did. I am afraid send this cause i cant spell and my words and sentences dont sound the way i mean some of it anyway. I am not sure what i should do i hope this is safe internet site, ?/ I wish i had somebody go over it and make it sound normal at least not sound stupid jumping around with topics right?
Do you not think there is some of this in each of us and unique to none of us? Life’s a bitch and it’s normal to complain. I shy away from folks who are positive, cheery and “up” all the time because they are fooling themselves and I prefer folks who deal with reality.