No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as children.
These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.
Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual wanderer’s awakening journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within.
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When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing and liberation happens!
Most likely, you’ll be shocked by what you discover through the process of inner child work.
Instead of simply looking at a symptom of your pain, you’ll go right to the core to reveal when a fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first began.
This article is a wonderful place to start your inner child work. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself – and let that be the start of your inner child healing!
Table of contents
15 Types of Childhood Trauma
Firstly, it’s important to understand that there are many different types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including sexual), emotional, and mental variety.
Also, when childhood trauma is severe, or repeated enough, it can result in what psychology calls dissociation and shamanic philosophy calls soul loss.
The solution to retrieving and integrating these fragmented parts of our being is called inner work (and soul retrieval forms a part of this process).
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However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss — but it often does result in a wounded psyche.
This wounding can trigger issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral patterns, and even chronic illnesses.
Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:
- Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents/caretakers
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds affection
- Being “punished” by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair pulling, pinching, scratching, or “washing out the mouth” with soap
- Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, caretaker, or friend
- Being the child of divorce
- Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such as caring for your parents)
- Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents/caretakers
- Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods of time without a babysitter)
- Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or supported
- Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted
- Denigration of your personality
- Destruction of personal belongings
- Excessive demands
- Humiliation
- Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events
There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work deals with.
It’s also important to remember that our parents weren’t the only ones responsible for provoking childhood trauma — our grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family friends, teachers, and childhood friends may have also played a part.
Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening
Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual wanderer’s journey of awakening?
The answer is that our deepest wounds are carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies.
When we’re internally contracted, we also become trapped in a tightly bound separate self, also known as the ego. (This can also later contribute to triggering a Dark Night of the Soul.)
As you may or may not already know, the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature.
When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.
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What is Inner Child Work?
This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:
Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.”
But the truth is that while most adults physically “grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood.
In other words, most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.
When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within, we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.
In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in today’s society.
From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.
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5 Simple Ways to Work With Your Inner Child (to Heal Trauma)
Learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming childish again; it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.
In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike.
Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive way. Being childlike, on the other hand, can be thought of as a state of purity and innocence.
We all have the capacity to experience our original innocence, that period in our lives when we saw the world with openness and wonder.
To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing, and anger that we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.
Here are five of the most powerful but simple ways to perform inner child work:
1. Speak to your inner child
Acknowledge your inner child and let them know that you’re there for them. Treat them with kindness and respect.
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Some self-nurturing things you could say to your inner child each day include, for example:
- I love you.
- I’m here for you.
- I’m sorry.
- Thank you.
- I forgive you.
Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also communicate through journal work by asking your inner child a question and then writing down the response.
Learn more about how to journal.
2. Practice the mirror gazing technique
Also known as mirror work, the mirror gazing technique is a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child.
This is a superb healing path to use alongside the previous point (speaking to your inner child), as it allows you to open your heart in an extremely direct way.
To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.
You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself, especially if feelings of grief emerge.
Then, once you feel ready, call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or quietly in your brain.
Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes, say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you.
For example, you might say, “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what feelings arise inside of you.
Most essentially, take this as a key opportunity to practice self-love and self-compassion – particularly if difficult or intense feelings arise.
To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your experience.
3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child
Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self looked like. Let that image burn into your brain because it will serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work.
You might even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner child’s presence.
4. Reparent your inner child by recreating what you loved to do as a child
Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears, or eating warm porridge with raisins. Make time to include whatever activity you loved to do as a child in your present life.
You can also make a habit of asking your inner child what they want or need from you right now. Journaling, drawing pictures, and meditation can all help you access your little one’s internal voice.
Through inner child work, people have told me that they’ve connected to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as adults. More energy, vitality, spontaneity, creativity, and joy are just some of the positive side effects.
Reparenting quite literally means parenting our inner child all over again as adults – or being the mother, father, or caregiver we always wanted and needed growing up.
Every form of inner child work is a direct or indirect form of reparenting. But often, people love starting this process by making it fun and ‘treating’ their inner kiddo to what they were deprived of growing up or simply need/desire at the moment.
Remember to be a wise parent to yourself and set limits where necessary. For instance, if your inner child loved eating entire bars of chocolate or getting loads of presents growing up, a boundary can be set here.
You wouldn’t want to go eating entire bars of chocolate or spending all your money on buying presents for yourself as an adult, would you? Find a mutually satisfactory place of compromise that makes both your adult and child sides happy.
5. Go on an inner meditation or visualization journey
One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child and heal childhood traumas is to go on an inner journey.
For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done through meditation, and those done through visualization.
To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the trust of your inner child through the previous activities.
Once you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the trauma you’re struggling with today.
How to do a meditation journey:
Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your thoughts, and ask a question. For example, you might like to ask, “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?”
Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you.
Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.
You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing of significance arises in your mind. This process could take anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more, so give yourself a lot of space.
$3Tips — To successfully complete the inner child meditation journey, you’ll need to have a little experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts can take a lot of practice, so if you’re not used to meditating, you might struggle with this technique.
How to do a visualization journey:
A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life traumas is through visualization.
To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must create a “power place” or safe place for them to feel secure within.
To do this, visualize a beautiful garden or any place in which you feel safe, empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then invite your inner child to speak with you.
Here are a few steps:
- Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
- Imagine you’re walking down a staircase.
- At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place. In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.
- Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it look, smell, and sound like?
- After you have acquainted yourself with your power place, imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a door or waterfall.
- Hug your younger self if they feel comfortable (ask them permission), and make them feel at home.
- When you’re ready, ask your inner child your question, for example, “How can I best meet your needs today?” You might like to phrase the question in child terminology.
- Await their response.
- At the end, offer them a hug if they want one, thank them, and let them know how much they mean to you.
- Say goodbye to them.
- Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.
- Return to normal consciousness.
These are very basic steps, but they provide a helpful outline for how to perform an inner child visualization journey.
Remember: This is Powerful Work
As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why it’s important to never make assumptions about your inner child.
Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood, emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and well-being.
Inner child work is often most helpful when it’s done with the help of another. If you want more support, the Inner Child Journal that I’ve created offers you many powerful inner child healing exercises. You can also take our inner child test for more guidance.
I hope this article has inspired you to reconnect with your inner child.
Tell me, what do you think your inner child needs most from you right now? I’d love to hear your reply in the comments.
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Your style is very unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this blog.
Thank you.
I have always read self help books. It is changed so much that I feel truly grateful for all the research and new ways of trauma from childhood my parents were alcoholics my mom popping diet pills . So much fighting she was in an d out of hospitals and metal wards. I became the parent very young
Taking care of house and myself . I was so ashamed , I had no self worth , or self esteem. By after hit with belts etc. I became a pleaser as not to rock the boat. Got beat from drunk dad and called Terrible names.
I was forced to have sex by a 21 yr. guy I was 16 and virgin. I will say peer. Pressure got to me and date him. I don’t know why I couldn’t say no. Never wanted to hurt other while I was screaming inside . I got pregnant and as afraid of my father as I was, I went against him demanded over and over to get abortion I would not. If he took me I refused to get on table.
I married this man . I had nowhere to go . I stayed. With him for 3 years and for 3 yrs i was beat, emotional beaten down and hit is I did not do such viole, degraded things to me or me do to him. I finally took my last beaten and found hand print on my sons not quite 3 years old on his thigh, big hand and so read . Ex was. An addict . I work he got fired .
I went on to long it is now that I am 61 yrs lost , parents but most all my friend of 53 years died suddenly , I ran to her house as a kid . After that I stared getting flashbacks well some honestly there is so much of my life I can’t remember
I’m not sure where to put this but here we go. There’s this person in my life, I don’t really like him he’s supper clingy and once in a while I’ll have a conversation with him, then he’ll latch onto me and follow me everywhere for about two weeks, when I tell him I need space he agrees then comes back in ten minutes. He has no friends and I’m not really his friend. I don’t want to be mean to him but I really just want him gone from my life. He sucks the energy out of me, and even when I distance myself he always seems to know where to find me. I don’t know what to do does anyone have any advice?
Heela,
Poor guy. He must have an intense need to reach out and connect with someone. (Perhaps his inner child is wounded?) With that being said, it’s understandable that you need boundaries. You might be dealing with a wounded energy vampire. Look more into that term and you will find guidance.
Luna
Alright thank you!
I’m struggling to connect or trust anyone, including my inner child, inner parent, inner anything. There is a part of me that just doesn’t trust anyone or even life. In many ways I still feel like I am a child. I struggle to cope. And to fulfill my adult responsibilities. I think deep inside I don’t trust adults. And I don’t want to be one. Maybe if I stay a child I wont fuck up so much, or hurt others, like they hurt me… But I am an adult, and I am by default hurting myself and others by not taking responsibility for myself and my life. My inner child wants love and hugs and comfort. Wants to be loved unconditionally. Wants true honesty in relationships. Wants kindness. And care. That feels like so much work. It’s so hard. And the world feels so intense. When I give my child that kind of love, especially out in the world, it feels dangerous. I don’t want to be attacked anymore. But my inner parent is struggling. This is a lot of work. I have trouble accepting my inner parents lacking in struggles. Because I saw my parents struggles and what they did to me – and I don’t want to repeat that cycle. But I can’t live up to my own standards. So I’m constantly upset with myself. I still feel like I need parents. Real parents. And what I have are dysfunctional family relationships that confuse and scare me. I’m not sure what or if they can offer anything or if that’s even worth trying for. I keep trying to love myself. But where that takes me is working part time and just scraping by. Too anxious to pursue relationships, career, or other projects. Feel to incapable. And lacking skill/ability. And full of troubles. I don’t know what to do.
You’re honest with yourself, what you’ve experienced with others and may still experience if you don’t own that you’re unique and special. Deserved of love and all the abundance and prosperity life has awaiting you. You’re here on this planet to have the best human experience as a Spiritual Being. When you open up and learn more about who you are. You’ll enjoy rather than endure life as you know it. You have the power to free yourself from the turmoil of the trauma you’re presently experiencing. However, you have to trust yourself. Give yourself a difference. Despite your life experiences with yourself and others. Focus on becoming your ideal self. Imagine a better, new improved, able and capable, Being. Who is able to love and be loved. Get to know the Higher part of you to lead you to what you must and do. Most of all, embrace, cherish, nourish and love your Inner Child which is always there waiting for you to reconnect.
Although I can communicate with my inner child, I still.find it difficult to embrace her. My therapist says I need to do this, but I have not been able to scale or overcome my inner blocks or fears in doing this. It has been so frustrating because I try so many angles and I just cannot find a way to get through. It is affecting my life in the intense anxiety I feel around people. I’ve tried so hard with my inner work, facing previous traumas and self care, and I’ve reached a point where I wonder if I’m just broken and must learn to function with avoiding intimacy and letting no one get too close. It’s a terrible feeling and I don’t know what to do.
I’m very sorry Mairel. I can relate.
Hi Mariel,
I applaud you for having done so much work! I myself have done also course after course because I felt I had to work on myself before “subjecting” myself on to others in friendships, let alone in a relationship. Then finally i started to feel: this is not my responsibility entirely, I don’t have to be “issue-free” before being worthy of love, I have already spent so much time doing the work so I don’t continue the vicious circle that my family (parents, grandparents, great-grandparents,…) have passed done on to the next generation. I have the right to move on and live and enjoy my life and make mistakes and have people love me. I am not fully responsible for the generations behind me of abuse, alcoholism, mental illnesses, criticism, perfectionism,…and I’m allowed to be me, regardless of what my family might think. I realized that it was the perfectionism I took on as normal that kept me going to the next “self-improvement” course. It’s an addiction as any other addiction because for the most part i do them because i find myself “not good enough”. Accepting that I might not resolve everything that has been passed down to me in this lifetime was very difficult for my “hard on myself”-identity. Asking for people to enter my life that I can ask for help because “I haven’t fixed everything yet” was also very scary, because…would they still love me if they knew how “messed up” I still am. But also this was my perfectionism and my lack of self-love talking. So bit by bit I started saying to myself “I’m worthy of love just as I am right now” and I was also saying it to my friends and family. Some friends stayed with gratitude and applause. Some friends took a distance, probably because they have the same “hard on themselves and lack of self-love issues”. And I made new friends who found me brave and open and honest for being vulnerable. And in return, they also became vulnerable to me.
In different stages of our development we meet different people and it’s scary to know that if we move on ourselves, not everyone will stay in our lives and we have to have faith that new people will enter our life, people who respond to our newly asserted needs and love for ourself, people who recognize the new parts of our soul that we’ve just revealed and exposed.
The article on “21 signs you’re experiencing ‘soul loss'” was also very clarifying for me on why all of those “courses” seem to not go to the core of the problem.
I’m 39 woman now and only recently allowed myself to feel that my soul might want to be with a women instead of a man. I have always blocked this part of my soul because if I hadn’t my father would have otherwise battered it out of me. I have therefore also a lot of memory loss and I recognize the dissociation they talk about in the article. For thirty and more years I’ve operated out of an identity that my father would approve of. trying to find a man desperately. Finally I let go of what he wants and started looking at what I wanted as a child, what I did naturally before I was stumped. Dancing, singing, writing,… and by doing those things more I came closer to my original soul, not the one I created to satisfy everyone around me. As mentioned in this article, do all the childlike things.
So…I know we haven’t met Mairel, still… I know you are perfect as you are and worthy of love right now!
Thank you so much for sharing,
love Wanja
Thank you, first thing i saw when i closed my eyes was my sister, i pushed her away, and than after telling myself how beautiful, creative and so very strong i am, i said, you never got your place, it’s not your fault. and then i started to cry. I haven’t cried in 13 years.
Thank you thank you
Wondering if you have any advice for someone like me on inner child work? I had a very traumatic childhood in a multitude of ways. I know what happened to me but I have no visual memory so I am having a hard time doing any work like this. I don’t have much memory of anything in general really, i know highlights of what happened but not really any specifics. I am in EMDR therapy but that is also quite hard to accomplish without visualization. Do you have any tips?!
Hi, I just have a question… Is it possible that the energies between you and you twin could be so intertwined that you can connect to your twins’ inner child?
My twin and I have been separated since last Christmas, he won’t talk to me. But we connect mentally sometimes.
I tried to connect with my inner child, and found this little girl with pigtails, playing with her dolls, feeling quite content and happy (early years, still ok). :)
Suddenly I saw this angry version of my twin in his early teens, stomping into a kitchen (not the kitchen from my own childhood) getting something out of the fridge. I never met my twin as a teen, nor have I seen pictures or talked to him about it… I felt so surprised at his appearance, it sort of yanked me out of it (the vision or what you might call it).
Is it possible, or is my brain just throwing random imaginative stuff at me? To the point where it even surprises myself!?!