No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as children.
These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.
Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual awakening journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within.
When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing and liberation happens!
I can almost guarantee that you’ll be shocked by what you discover through the process of inner child work. Instead of simply looking at a symptom of your pain, you’ll go right to the core to reveal when a fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first began.
This article is a wonderful place to start your inner child work, and if you’d like to go deeper after reading it, I highly recommend checking out our Inner Child Journal which is a beautifully nourishing way of continuing this work and helping your inner child to heal.
Table of contents
15 Types of Childhood Trauma
Firstly, it’s important to understand that there are many different types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including sexual), emotional and mental variety.
Also, when childhood trauma is severe or repeated enough, it can result in what psychology calls dissociation and shamanic philosophy calls soul loss. The solution to retrieving and integrating these fragmented parts of our being is called inner work (and soul retrieval forms a part of this process).
However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss — but it can result in a wounded psyche. This can trigger issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral patterns, and even chronic illnesses.
Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:
- Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents/caretakers
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds affection
- Being “punished” by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair pulling, pinching, scratching, or “washing out the mouth” with soap
- Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, caretaker, or friend
- Being the child of divorce
- Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such as caring for your parents)
- Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents/caretakers
- Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods of time without a babysitter)
- Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or supported
- Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted
- Denigration of your personality
- Destruction of personal belongings
- Excessive demands
- Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events
There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work deals with. It’s also important to remember that our parents weren’t the only ones responsible for provoking childhood trauma — our grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family friends, and childhood friends may have also played a part.
Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening
Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual awakening journey? The answer is that our deepest wounds are carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies. And when we’re contracted, we become trapped in a tightly-bound separate self, also known as the ego. (This can also later contribute to triggering a Dark Night of the Soul.)
As you may (or may not) already know, the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature. When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.
What is Inner Child Work?
This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:
Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.” But the truth is that while most adults physically “grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood. In other words, most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.
When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.
In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in today’s society. From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.
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5 Simple Ways to Work With Your Inner Child (to Heal Trauma)
One thing: learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming childish again, it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.
In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike.
Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive way. Being childlike on the other hand can be thought of as a state of purity and innocence.
We all have the capacity to experience our original innocence; that period in our lives when we saw the world with openness and wonder.
To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing, and anger that we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.
Here are 5 of the most powerful ways to perform inner child work (please note: for grammatical consistency, I will be referring to the inner child with the pronoun ‘she’ – although this term applies to all genders or lack thereof):
1. Speak to your inner child
Acknowledge your inner child and let her know that you’re there for her. Treat her with kindness and respect.
Some self-nurturing things you could say to your inner child include, for example:
- I love you.
- I’m here for you.
- I’m sorry.
- Thank you.
- I forgive you.
Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also communicate through journal work by asking your inner child a question, then writing down the response.
Learn more about how to journal.
2. Practice the mirror gazing technique
Also known as mirror work, the mirror gazing technique is a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child. This is a superb healing path to take alongside the previous point (or speaking to your inner child) as it allows you to open your heart in an extremely direct way.
To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.
You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself, especially if feelings of grief emerge. Then, once you feel ready, call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or quietly in your brain.
Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes, say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you. For example, you might say “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what feelings arise inside of you. Most essentially, take this as a key opportunity to practice self-love and compassion – particularly if difficult or intense feelings arise.
To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your experience.
3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child
Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self looked like. Let that image be burned into your brain because it will serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work. You might even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner child’s presence.
4. Recreate what you loved to do as a child
Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears or eating warm porridge. Make time to include whatever activity you loved to do as a child in your present life.
Through inner child work, people have told me that they’ve connected to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as adults. This discovery is truly life-changing. It’s important that you make a habit of this “playtime” and explore any embarrassment or silliness you feel towards it. It’s completely normal to feel a bit foolish at first, but it’s important to keep an open mind.
5. Do an inner journey
One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child to heal childhood traumas, is to do an inner journey.
For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done through meditation, and those done through visualization.
To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the trust of your inner child through the previous activities. Once you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the trauma you’re struggling with today.
How to do a meditation journey:
Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your thoughts, and ask your question. For example, you might like to ask, “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?”
Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you. Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.
You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing of significance arises inside of your mind. This process could take anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more.
Tips — To successfully do the inner child meditation journey, you’ll need to have experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts can take a lot of practice, so if you’re not used to meditating, you might struggle with this technique.
How to do a visualization journey:
A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life traumas is through visualization.
To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must create a “power place” or safe place. To do this you must visualize a beautiful garden, or any type of place in which you feel safe, empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then invite your inner child to speak with you.
Here are a few steps:
- Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
- Imagine you’re walking down a staircase.
- At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place. In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.
- Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it look like, smell like, and sound like?
- After you have acquainted yourself with your power place, imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a door or waterfall.
- Hug your younger self and make them feel at home.
- When you’re ready, ask your inner child your question, e.g., “When was the first time you/I felt sad or scared?” You might like to phrase the question in child terminology.
- Await their response.
- Make sure you hug them, thank them, and tell them how much they mean to you.
- Say goodbye to them.
- Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.
- Return to normal consciousness.
These are very basic steps, but they provide a good outline for how to perform an inner child visualization journey.
As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why it’s important to never make assumptions about your inner child.
Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood, emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and wellbeing.
If you need more in-depth guidance, I highly recommend checking out these inner child healing exercises in our Inner Child Journal. You can also take our inner child test for more insight.
I hope this article has inspired you to reconnect with your inner child. Tell me, what ways have you learned to heal the trauma from your childhood?
I don’t think you should ask your inner child the first time she/he experienced trauma… maybe you can ask your higher self. Your inner child needs to be loved and nurtured, and kept safe, as you said, but that question doesn’t address the hurt and curious beautiful child self, but the higher self or divine who knows beyond the rest. We need to tell the inner child how much we love her and keep going back to talk with her and hug her until she knows she is safe, and ask her how she feels and what she needs and let her know how deeply loved she is. God bless! Thanks for sharing this though bc it resonates with my own practice. Peace, Rachel.
I must admit I skipped most of the post. I’ve been doing shadow work for some time now and most of the things in there are well known to me. I skipped directly to the techniques. I have been using the meditation technique for some time and it has been offering me glimpses into the depths of my soul. All information I retrieved has been extremely valuable.
But then I read about the visualization technique and even as I was reading, I realized that my “power place”, as you call it, is a barn. A very particular barn that really existed, where I used to “play” as a child. I followed the steps of the technique as I read through them and I got goosebumps, and tears welled up in my eyes. Though I did not get any answers from the “child” yet, I feel this is the way to continue my journey.
Thank you for showing me this.
There are several levels of healing, it occurs to me. Thank you for showing me the next steps!
I’m looking for a spiritual mentor for my son, do you offer personal coaching?Sa
…Learning to draw is a visual language upon which to let your inner child emerge and speak straight from the subconscious. Every body is an artist and every body can doodle on a drawing pad, or writing pad. When relaxed things just emerge on paper and helps to relieve sub conscious pressures. Regards John …
Curious, I’m just starting to connect with my inner child and mentioned above it seems like we can ask one question. Is it best to ask one question per visit/session or could we ask a few?
Hi sol,my name is nagendra from india. This topic regarding inner child amazing and uplifting this helped my spiritual journey to go even more deeper and clearer. You and luna have done excellent work to guide us on the journey. Thank you so much. Along with this i have request that i need a support and guidance from you regarding parent and children issues. Its really serious issue.
The problem is my younger brother assaults his mom (our mom)physically, emotionally, when i try to stop it he assaulted me too. Thats not all, i came to know recently that he had a ‘Oedipus complex’. He is trying to behave sexually with his mother and she rejects all of that. Then he try to abuse her with extreme anger and she’s suffering with this. My request is can you help us to overcome from this parent and child relationship issue (Oedipus Complex). Please create an article or send some suggestions, wisdom and tools to be free from this problem. I will be waiting for your reply. Once again thank you SOL AND LUNA for this inner child article. Thanks. Namaste.
I lost my father in a tragic accident when I was 11 years old but before that my childhood was wonderful and safe, I wanted to share this because sometimes tragic events happens that steals your innocenct life and secureness of your childhood in a split second.
My inner child spent a lot of time hiding/playing in closets and home made tents. My brothers either used me as free entertainment, or something smaller than them to humiliate, as a sort of living doll for their twisted preadolescent humor. Yes, I had about 80% of the traumas mentioned, including my brother (golden child) showing me adult films on VHS he found by going through my parent’s closet. Can you blame him? Our mother went through all of our belongings, arbitrarily discarding “junk”, which was not based on any logic- randomly throwing away our belongings. I lived with my parents and also at my grandparents apartment. I was told a few years ago my parents never took me home from the hospital, after I spent a week in an incubator malnourished. 4 lbs, full term 9 months, not premature, my mother did nothing…except pretend she hadn’t had a drink or a smoke in 9 months. Thank you for all of these techniques. I’m so isolated I think I’m in a meditative state half the day. I journaled and immediately my inner child was ready to talk. In my isolation I decided to get sand from the beach and make… Read more »
There’s a book by John Bradshaw called Homecoming that’s exactly about this. I’ve started reading it and it’s already need helpful.