6 Types of Energy Vampires That Emotionally Exhaust You

Can an energy vampire have a combination of traits that fall into several of the categories listed above? I am asking this because there are certain people in my life (who unfortunately happen to be family members) who clearly are energy vampires. I feel irritated, tired, bored, frustrated and utterly drained emotionally if I have to spend any time around them. One, in particular.
This individual is an older female relative, whose presence I find intolerable. She is most definitely an energy vampire, but has behavioural traits that seem to fit into several different categories (e.g. martyr, judgemental, dominator, narcissist, melodramatic). She is extremely tedious company, as she always wants to talk about nothing but herself, her life, her experiences. If you try to cut in, she will even make comments like “I’m not interested in your life, or your background”. She talks endlessly about the past, but if anyone else talks about the past she will but in and say she “doesn’t want to talk about the past”. Whenever she talks about herself, it is always with the aim of making herself look perfect. She took early retirement after being faced with the sack, but always talks about her job as though she was perfect at it. She boasts about her knowledge as though she is superior to others – always trying to recommend books that she thinks they should read, or films they should watch, or telling them what to wear, or how to cook a certain meal. She gives this “advice” without ever being asked for it, and gets affronted if people point out they neither want nor need it. Also, some of the books she recommends or films she recommends are ones she has not read, or viewed, herself – she had simply heard of them in passing, but thinks it makes her look clever and cultured to pretend she knows about them and can recommend them to others. She is dull as ditchwater because she talks endlessly about herself.
It is not just her talk that is a problem. She is also extremely needy, clingy and demanding of attention. She invites herself to visit people without asking if it is acceptable, and just turns up without prior agreement, then gets offended if you say you did not expect a visit and are busy. She expects people to do chores and run errands for her all the time – even walking HER pet dog for her. Why get a dog if you can’t be bothered to walk it? She plays on being elderly and having aches and pains to guilt-trip people into doing things for her. She thinks nothing of making these demands, and just expects people to automatically comply. If they say they are busy, just about to go out, or haven’t time to do something she wants, she will accuse people of being selfish, or moan that they don’t care about her. She expects constant contact and attention – endless visits, phone calls, people taking her out shopping, taking her to dinner. People coming to listen to her talk about herself. This is reaching a point where it appears that she is unable to see that people have their own, separate, lives and do not always have time for her demands.
She constantly moans about aches and pains, exaggerated illnesses, or age-related concerns. But if other people – the ones she makes demands of – are unwell she completely does not care. You could be coughing your guts up in front of her, or covered in cuts and bruises, but if she wants something out of you, she will ignore this. Sometimes she will even try to COMPETE with you, trying to claim that even of you ARE ill, she is MORE ill. So, for instance, she may have to accept that you are ill if, say, you are having surgery – BUT she will still try to tell you about a time SHE had surgery, and it was FAR WORSE than yours! If you have flu, SHE will have pneumonia (imaginary, of course). If you have menstrual pain, she will have had it too, but much more agonizing. What type of person needs to compete to be the most ill? It’s truly bizarre!
She also pretends to be this holier-than-thou, such a nice person, especially when she’s trying to get something out of you. She constantly talks about how kind and caring she is, and how often she goes to church, as though this proves she is a nice person. But, next minute, she will be calling the nextdoor neighbour unpleasant names, or criticising young people for being “hooligans”, or moaning about the fact that the man who runs the corner shop is a “paki”. She is racist, sexist, homophobic and extremely bigoted. Despite going on and on about HER job, she firmly believes that all other women should not work, and criticises “selfish career women” who do not stay at home and have kids!
Worst of all, if, however, somebody does NOT do as she demands, or if she feels they can see through her fake persona of “nice Christian old lady”, she gets really nasty. She will insult people to their face, then claim it was a “joke” or they “misheard”, or are “too sensitive”. She spreads negative gossip behind people’s backs, like some sort of smear campaign. She is hostile and critical if she suspects that anyone has better qualifications, a better career, a nicer house, a more expensive car, is better looking, has a more fun personality… or anything else that might upstage her, and rob her of her chance in the “limelight”. She seems to need to hog the “limelight” at all times. She will use guilt-trips, crocodile tears, and any number of other manipulative tactics to get what she wants. She is not even above STEALING, and has stolen from her own family members (myself and my husband).
It surely must be obvious this person is an emotional vampire, but she clearly has behaviours relating to many different types of emotional vampire? Does that make her something else? A narcissist, maybe? Or can some emotional vampires show multiple problematic sides to themselves?
What puzzles me is that some people seem to fall for her nonsense, and give in to her demands. This just feeds her ego, and gives her the impression that she can get away with her behaviours. I try to draw a line – the fact she stole off me showed me her TRUE nature, and I can never fall for her rubbish and fakery again. However, when she suspects a person can see through her, she totally goes into an all-out attack. Is this why other people just cave in to her? Or are they some kind of “flying monkeys” who are utterly sucked-in by her to the point of being almost complicit enablers? Either way, the less people call her out, the harder it makes things for anyone who can truly see through her.
How do people deal with emotional leeches like these? Even trying to cut them out of your life is difficult, because they then blame YOU for being “unkind” and “insensitive” and spread this blame in the form of negative gossip round everyone they know – usually including people YOU know, too. You are then faced with pressure from other people, who think they mean well, but pester you with phone calls, letters, visits and suchlike asking why you don’t see the vampire, complaining you are a bad person for “abandoning them”, and even trying to bring the vampire back into your life. This vampire knows NO boundaries – she will go to your employer to spy on you, seek information or gossip. She will go to your neighbours, relatives, kids (if you have them), work colleagues, social associates – she will go to anyone she knows you have contact with, to try to get information on you, or to spread negative rumours about you. She will bombard you with calls, texts, e-mails. If you block them, she will spy on your social media accounts, or get others to do this for her. And if you try to call her out on her behaviour, she will deny and deny it until you force her to face up to it, but then she will accuse YOU of causing an argument. She will even turn on the waterworks, and claim that YOU are abusive!
I suspect this woman is insane, but she would NEVER see a therapist, counsellor or psychiatrist. She looks down on people she believes are “mental”, even if they are not. So, how do you go about dealing with a person like this?

Thank you so much for this. You bring a lot of clarity on a past relationship I am trying to put behind me. My ex partner is number 1, 2 and 4 together. It was very difficult, but I’m getting back to myself now.

To the guy with comment concerning his relationship with his wife: I totally understand you, if someone described me as the vampire of the relationship is also want to leave. Which is the problem with these internet pop psychological concepts; nowadays everyone use them. I would therefore suspect that it would not be uncommon for someone with “vampyristic” tendencies to accuse someone of being a “vampire ” making them feel guilty and powerless.
Ask yourself, what might be the motives of your wife? Because if she doesn’t want to divorce, which would be the logic conclusion after calling someone a vampire, then it’s definitely a toxic thing to throw in there, and might be a device for something else: attention, power, emotional abuse

Wow. My partner appears to have traits of all types of energy vampire. No wonder Im struggling. Thanks for that.