Have you ever felt completely drained, depleted and exhausted around a particular person, for no apparent reason?
An energy vampire is a person who feeds off your emotional, or psychic, energy. People who display energy vampire traits generally lack empathy, sensitivity, and emotional maturity. As a result of the pain or insecurity they feel inside, energy vampires are addicted to preying on the vitality of others as an attempt to heal their inner suffering.
An energy vampire could be anyone: a friend, a family member, a colleague, an acquaintance, a child, a son or daughter, or even a romantic partner. If you’re a highly empathetic and caring person, it’s also possible to actively attract energy vampires into your life. Unfortunately, if you’re a highly compassionate person who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, it’s very likely that you’re surrounded by energy vampires right now! Energy vampires are attracted to you because they unconsciously desire to resolve a deeper problem within their psyches — and they perceive YOU as the solution to their problems.
6 Energy Vampire Types
While it’s easy to feel resentful towards energy vampires, it’s important to remember that they haven’t developed the capacity to deal with their issues yet. Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain. However, the important thing to remember is that you are NOT responsible for resolving their issues. THEY are responsible for sorting out their struggles.
Often, an energy vampire leaves us feeling so drained that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. As a result of constantly interacting with an energy vampire, we might feel chronically fatigued, depressed, anxious, irritable or angry.
It’s vital that you learn how to “draw the line” and set boundaries around these types of people. Without learning how to identify the different types of energy vampires in your life, it will be difficult for you to practice self-nurturing and assertiveness.
Here are the six main energy vampire types out there:
1. The Victim or Martyr Vampire
Victim or Martyr Vampires prey off your guilt. Victims/Martyrs believe that they are “at mercy” of the world and suffer primarily due to other people. Instead of taking self-responsibility for their lives, Victim/Martyr Vampires continually blame, manipulate and emotionally blackmail others. The dysfunctional behavior of the Victim/Martyr Vampire is due to their extremely low self-esteem. Without always receiving signs of love, thanks, and approval, Victim/Martyr Vampires feel unworthy and unacceptable, which they try to resolve by making you feel guilty and sucking away your sympathy/empathy.
How to nurture your energy: When you’re around a Victim/Martyr Vampire, be aware of the self-pity cues. For example, a self-pity cue could be the person’s tendency to blame another person for their suffering, or perhaps a description of how terrible their day has been. Don’t get involved in their self-pity. Limit your interaction with them if possible.
2. The Narcissist Vampire
A Narcissist Energy Vampire has no capacity to show empathy, or genuine interest, towards other people. Narcissist Vampires carry the unconscious philosophy of “ME first, YOU second.” Therefore, Narcissist Vampires will constantly expect you to put them first, feed their egos and do what they say. Narcissist Vampires will also manipulate you with false charm, but will just as quickly turn around and stab you in the back. If you have a Narcissist Vampire in your life, you might feel a sense of extreme disempowerment as you feel crushed beneath their limelight.
How to nurture your energy: If you’re unable to cut this person off from your life right now, you might like to limit contact. You could also show the Narcissistic Vampire how your requests satisfy their self-interest, particularly if you’re in a working relationship.
3. The Dominator Vampire
Dominator Vampires love to feel superior and like “alpha” males or females. Due to their deep inner insecurities of being “weak” or “wrong” (and therefore hurt), Dominator Vampires must overcompensate by intimidating you. Often Dominator Vampires are loud-mouthed types of people who have rigid beliefs, and black and white perceptions of the world. They are often racist, sexist and/or bigoted.
How to nurture your energy: Agree to disagree. Practice assertiveness when necessary and limit your contact with Dominator Vampires. Realize that their attempt to scare you is sourced from their deep fear of being dominated and thus hurt.
4. The Melodramatic Vampire
The Melodramatic Energy Vampire thrives on creating problems. Often, their need to create constant drama is a product of dark underlying emptiness in their lives. Melodramatic Vampires also love seeking out crisis because it gives them a reason to feel victimized (thus special and in need of love), an exaggerated sense of self-importance and avoidance from life’s real issues. Another reason why Melodramatic Vampires enjoy creating drama is that the negative emotions that they feed off are addictive (such as anger).
How to nurture your energy: Refuse to take sides or be involved in the Melodramatic Vampire’s pot-stirring. Pay attention to the patterns in their behavior and the triggers that make you want to get involved. Create distance and cut them out of your life if possible.
5. The Judgemental Vampire
Due to their severely low self-worth, the Judgemental Energy Vampire loves to pick on other people. Their treatment of other people is merely a reflection of how they treat themselves. Judgemental Vampires enjoy preying on your insecurities and bolstering their egos by making you feel small, pathetic or ashamed.
How to nurture your energy: Remember that true self-worth must come from within. Refuse to take what the Judgemental Vampire says personally. Be aware of their deeper pain and their need to feel good about themselves. When you get defensive, you lose. Keep a balanced head, and try being sweet to them (that really throws them off balance!). Reduce, or cut off contact with them if possible.
6. The Innocent Vampire
Energy Vampires aren’t always malicious, as in the case of Innocent Vampires. Sometimes they can be helpless types of people who genuinely need help such as children or good friends who come to rely on you too much. It’s good that you help those you care about, but it’s also important that you encourage them to be self-sufficient. Playing the role of the constant “rock” or support will eventually erode away your energy. As a result, you’ll have little energy to support yourself.
How to nurture your energy: Helping those in need is a display of compassion and love, but you also need to remember to love yourself. Gently remind the Innocent Vampire in your life that you need time to yourself as well. Encourage them to develop strength, fortitude and resilience so that you can remove the role of constant caretaker or giver.
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Developing the ability to create emotional freedom is an essential life skill. Without it, we can easily get bogged down in disempowering beliefs, fears, roles and duties that drain our life force.
What type of Energy Vampire has appeared the most in your life … and what did you do about it?
I’ve met most of these vampires. The specific type that has actually gotten under my skin, though, is possibly a seventh kind or might be just a Narcissist variant: the Dutiful Son/Daughter vampire. Some people manage to display high conscientiousness in certain of their social roles without actually having much of a conscience. It’s “ME first, my ROLES second, and YOU never.” If you are in a clearly defined and heavily socially supported role to them, such as their sibling or parent or perhaps their student, they will be very generous — and they’ll make sure everybody knows it. If you’re not, forget anything you might have imagined about their good nature. They will drain you dry, especially in support of those roles. It’s unlikely to occur to them that draining people dry is a problem because they’re absolutely convinced that they are morally excellent, as evidenced by how good they are to the people who count for anything. (What it’s like to actually be this person’s sibling, etc, I don’t know first-hand. I imagine it might feel great, or it might feel very much not great: “This person is doing so much for me, so why do I feel so terrible?”)
I know some people with strong family relationships who are fine and trustworthy individuals, but at this point, I’ve become cautious of anyone for whom relationships with adult family members are clearly foremost. If somebody’s Facebook includes a LOT of photos of themselves with their parents or siblings, and few or none with their friends, I’ve learned — a little late — to take that as a warning sign.
What happens if you are the vampire yourself or a vampire of yourself?
Explore your inner talk, core beliefs, and practice self-care + self-love. Here’s a helpful article: https://lonerwolf.com/self-care-ideas/
My mother is an energy vampire. She zaps the lifeforce out of all who come in contact with her. My siblings and myself included.
Think what you will, but everyone says the same thing ” That they feel drained after spending even just a few minutes with my mum. ”
How would you recommend dealing with an energy vampire that you’re forced to be around? My mother has cancer and I have been her primary support since she has broken every other relationship in her life including my father and her own mother. I have been depressed, stressed and anxious this whole last year that I have been helping her. It’s so difficult for me because I want to be there to support her because she’s my mother, but because of the things she says I feel so drained after every interaction.
I have a vampire at work that I’m having the hardest time dealing with. She is a combination of the Victim, Narcissist, Dominator and Melodramatic vampire. Because we work so closely together and are physically in such a close space, I can’t just cut off ties/communication. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do and how to overcome this. I want to quit my job but that’s not realistic at all. I’ve come to the realization and conclusion that I’m always going to be her target and nothing will ever change unless I make the change. I feel debilitated after work and on the weekends. I need to create space and the only way I can think of is to ask my boss if I can work a flex schedule to allow me to have some differing hours than my vampire and maybe this will help until hopefully another position will open up in a different department. Does anyone else encounter this at work and how do you deal with it? It’s hard because I feel like I’m an Empath and super sensitive to my vampires destructive energies. I literally spend all day in my office shutting down and everything out. I can’t go on like this. I have explained some issues with my boss but honestly I feel she really doesn’t want to hear it. She also really likes this person so I’m in a tough spot. How do you guys handle this?
I think I’m your coworker. Not the actual one. I am working day by day to try and understand all the work ahead. Please forgive me. And know I’m trying. I never understood until today. I just want to matter.
I feel like leeches are sucking the life blood from me when I encounter this one coworker. I know that the advice is to avoid them. But what about if through dreams and meditation the messages I get is that this is a karmic bond that must be resolved? I have always used my empathic abilities to heal. In my last profession, I worked in direct patient care, specifically with cancer patients. Those patients that bonded with me would unconsciously create a link with me that allowed me to absorb their anxieties and fears regarding their cancer and death. I learned over the years to redirect that negative energy back to them as positive energy that would alleviate their fears. Although it was always emotionally draining, I felt it was my destiny and I was hon red to be of service to these tormented souls. All of those that I bonded with always commented that they were comforted by me, or I was easy to be around, or there was just something about me. Some even commented that I had an inner glow that was mistaken by one patient as a pregnancy glow! So now, I no longer work in that profession and suddenly I’ve linked up with a coworker that projects strongly all his emotions unknowingly to me an empath. My ability to heal only works when I can touch the person to redirect the energies/emotions. He never let’s me get close enough to touch him. I try sending the positive energies from afar. I guess I lack that ability of distance healing. Since this is such a strong link, I’ve been unsuccessful in shielding and cutting the cord between us. This bond is emotionally draining and making me physically ill. Even when not in his presence, I sense him near. I even know when he has entered the hospital because I get a familiar sensation that I’ve identified as him. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I want to tell him, but I’m concerned I’ll be ridiculed. Help!!!!
I can only say what I might do in your situation Marie – I would place myself in a sphere of my own positive energy. It feels good to be surrounded by it. From the point of view of someone else, all they can see is an impenetrable sphere – opaque and brilliant white. This insulates you from all outside influences and heals you, make you stronger. Repeat as often as necessary. An empath needs this more than most – all the best
Thank you David. I will create the sphere around me…
Is it possible that a relationship can have many dynamics: the empath and an energy vampire, a karmic bond/soul mate twin flame link? I ask this because as I continue to read articles on this website, I see elements that ring true in this current relationship that I am trying to figure out.
Most definitely. Many relationships have vampiric elements to them, but we have to be discerning. I don’t agree with the common advice of immediately cutting these types of people (energy vampires) away, because it all depends on the context. What is essential for these people to learn is how to take responsibility for their happiness — and it’s essential for us to learn how to create boundaries.
Thank you for your response. I am still confused about the “why” regarding this connection with this man. At this point I don’t see it leading anywhere except as a continuous loop…
I’ve just met someone that seems to be an energy vampire… and I feel a strong relation to your experience, about how I fee that I could just shake them off of their ignorance! Thank you very much for sharing your experience, I think this could help me learning somehow.
Good luck and thank you for your reply :)
I’ve come across an energy vampire that doesn’t quite fit any of these… They just kind of fed off of my youthful energy. Horrible feeling, been avoiding energy suckers whenever possible.
I am the innocent vampire. I just want my own space and to be alone. but when I am actually alone I can not handle it and self destruct. I am in a relationship and am running/ruining someones life because I can not come to terms with my own. I want out of it but don’t think I could make it on my own. I wish I had help and could get away, but don’t know what I would do if I had the chance. that’s all.
Your awareness is your best friend! You see this now make the intention to change it and you can! We’ve all been energy vampires by accident or on purpose during some point in our lives! You are evolving and growing by just reflecting on your own actions! Keep going I’m so proud of you!
Reading this, I think I have encountered all of these vampires. Most of them are family, some are colleagues. As an empathic person I find it very difficult to engage with these kinds of people. You just want to shake them and tell them to stop being this way. They are suffering, but they can help themselves and they can become happy, they just don’t have the knowlegde of this and people around them don’t tell them. I also find it hard to confront them, sometimes it only strengtens them in their believes of being a victim. I do however have learned not to feed their needs. Don’t encourage them in their behavior, but instead telling them how I deal with struggles in life, in the hope of inspiring them…
Not sure if I was melodramatic vampire but I’m sure i was innocent vampire before learning in my depression that I need to take care of myself. my boyfriend even says that i am TOO independant (didnt know it was a thing).
but I’m still learning on how to deal with those people. I mean i cut them out of my life as much as possible but when I’m in front of a critical person, I can’t help but take it personnally
It’s all a learning process. You’ll get there in the end with self-love and acceptance. :)
These people will drain the life blood out of you, the one word they hate is NO. Only one way to go, just walk away and let them sort out their own lives.
I can relate to this – energy vampires are something like the Lamprey – the sucker fish that latches-on and draws their nourishment from the victim who they feel no pity for. Thanks Aletheia!
Damn … that must have hurt! haha
Excellent comparison David. :)
I’ve been prey by those suckers a long time. The price to be a highly sensitive empath. I’m still learning how to deal with them, and more important, to foresee “the danger” when it lurks toward me. For now, I’ve to keep my distance to protect myself first, or as they say, “put on your oxygen mask first before you help someone”. Although it’s also important to recognise those negative patterns in ourselves, mostly unconscious, just like old habits.
Yes, it helps to remember that we are absolutely capable of being energy vampires as well. As always, the responsibility lies with us to set clear boundaries and nurture our energy. After a while, it becomes much easier to coexist with these types of people and even learn lessons from them.