The feeling is like a void … an empty black hole that you’re being dragged towards.
You feel tears well up inside of you. Grief claws at your throat as it tightens. Emotional numbness starts to creep into your body. You know that no one can possibly understand the pain that you’re experiencing. Even when you’re surrounded by people, you feel completely and utterly alone. As you look around at the world, you realize that very little brings you true joy. Life feels grey, dull, and flat. The feeling of loss and unhappiness that you carry inside eats at your heart like boiling acid little by little. Piece by piece, you feel yourself crumble apart. Sometimes it feels too unbearable.
Can you relate to what I’ve just written? If so, this article is for you.
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What I just wrote was a description of a profoundly bleak and dark period of my life in which I lost everything that I had ever known: my religious faith, my trust in life, my home, and my entire family. So this article isn’t just another feel-good piece, it’s written from the first-hand experience of a person who has fought battles alone for years, and has learned how to keep moving forward, no matter what.
In this article, I want to help ignite that fire within you again to KEEP GOING. While I’m not claiming to be able to solve all your problems, I will share with you everything I’ve learned so far about how to stay strong.
Types of Battles That We Fight Alone
If you’re fighting inner battles, you’ll know that no matter who you have in your life – no matter how caring others are towards you – the empty black hole within you is still there. You will realize that although others can try to help, they can never really fully understand the kind of suffering you’re going through. The grief, loss, anxiety, or depression still remains.
As such, here are the most common types of battles that we fight alone:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Self-esteem
- Death of a loved one
- Romantic breakups
- Chronic sickness
- Addictions
- Loneliness
Is this list complete? No. I just want to help create some clarity – and if you can identify with any of these struggles, all the better.
How to Keep Moving Forward When You’re Fighting Battles Alone
It’s not easy walking alone.
The hardest walk you can ever take in this life is the walk you make alone.
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But it is THIS solitary path that makes you the strongest.
It is THIS solitary path that makes you the wisest.
It is this solitary path that forges a soul that knows how to never give up – even when the odds are against you.
Remember that the strongest and fiercest wolves are those who stand alone. Even when you feel weak, remember, standing alone takes STRENGTH.
Even when you’ve been struggling for YEARS, remember that you have qualities that few can understand or admire because most haven’t fought to survive alone.
Here’s how to keep moving forward when you’re fighting battles alone:
1. If you throw me to the wolves, I’ll come back leading the pack
This is one of the most empowering sayings of all time in my opinion. When you say this to yourself, you feel like a motherf*cking WARRIOR. So use it to your advantage – you can even adopt it as a daily mantra. This statement means that no matter what other people or life throws at you, you will 100% own it. Not only will you own it, but you will accept the challenge and make it your single-minded mission to overcome it. YOU CAN DO THIS. Embrace the role of the lone wolf and free spirit and fiercely challenge anything that threatens to destroy you.
2. Take every day one step at a time
Put one foot in front of the other. Forget about the past, forget about the future. Focus only on the next step, one after the other. Take every day one at a time. This will help to ground, focus, and empower you. Practice exercises in mindfulness and keep going.
3. Scream or ROAR
The whole “letting go and finding self-love” thing can wait for later … right now we’re in full survival mode. One of the best primal ways to keep moving forward is to literally scream or roar. Find a private place, such as in your car, an empty lot, or in your house when no one is there, stand in a powerful stance (such as with your arms wide) and scream or roar. Do it as loudly as you can. Let go of being “civilized.” Feel the pain and also the simultaneous power surge through you. THIS is the power you will be using to move forward. Do this every day as it is extremely cathartic and empowering.
4. Be a warrior, not a victim
A victim argues with life, a warrior embraces it. A victim dwells in the past, a warrior lives in the present. A victim believes they’re helpless, a warrior takes back control over their life. Although the victim mentality is addictive, the warrior mentality is much more empowering in the long term. Once you start seeing yourself as a warrior, you’ll feel empowered to keep moving forward, no matter what. Living as a warrior is much more refreshing and inspiring than living as a victim who wallows in self-pity.
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5. When it all gets too much, BREATHE
When you feel like you’re on the brink of a breakdown, STOP and BREATHE. Focus on nothing but breathing in and out. Block out everything else around you. Cut off completely from your thoughts. Just focus on your stomach rising and falling … nothing else. Why does this work? Because focusing on the breath helps to ground you and take you out of your head and feelings. If focusing on the breath doesn’t help, listen to some music or distract yourself with an absorbing activity. Just find any way you can to disconnect from your thoughts.
6. Listen to empowering / emotional music
One of the greatest things that helped me through my bleak years was listening to music. There are so many free empowering talks on YouTube which can support you each day. Depending on your needs, you may either choose to listen to something that expresses how you feel (e.g. something melancholic or angsty), or something that subdues how you feel (e.g. something uplifting).
7. Give your struggles a PURPOSE
See what you’re experiencing as having an intrinsic purpose – whether that be to help others in the future struggling with the same problems, writing a book, creating inspired artwork, or anything that calls to you. You are gaining a Ph.D. IN LIFE. Absolutely nothing else can teach or equip you with the skills as fighting battles alone can. FIND THE PURPOSE within your struggles.
8. Find the lesson/gift in your circumstance
I know to some this may sound absolutely preposterous, but please give it a try. Reframing what I was going through helped so much, and I have seen it help so many others as well. Whether the lesson is developing inner strength, learning to appreciate the little things in life, or looking inside for happiness, the lesson/gift is ultimately up to you to find. But it IS there waiting for you to find.
9. Take care of your basic needs
This probably seems, well, basic, but it makes a world of difference. Although it may feel 100 times harder than before, make it your goal to take care of your fundamental needs each day. That means, get good quality sleep (I’m talking 7+ hours if you can), drink enough water, do exercise, eat healthy, SHOWER. You may be tempted to let it all slide, but don’t. When you let your basic needs slide, you WILL feel increasingly worse. If you don’t have any goals, make this your goal, and even if you have to do it all robotically, do it. NO excuses.
10. Be courageous and share your feelings with others
When I say others, I mean either a support group and/or a trained counsellor/therapist. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You can opt to seek a local or online support group (though keep in mind that online support groups can sometimes harbor toxic atmospheres), find a local therapist or online counselor (you can even get free online counseling), or call an anonymous hotline. Note: if you are struggling with suicidal feelings, I strongly recommend that you call one of these helplines or seek professional help as soon as possible. My thoughts are with you and I hope very much that you receive the help you need.
***
I will repeat again: the strongest and fiercest wolves are those who stand alone. Even when you feel weak, remember, standing alone takes STRENGTH.
Keep moving forward.
NEVER GIVE UP. STAY STRONG. You HAVE what it takes to succeed.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
More helpful resources:
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Dealing with the recent sudden death of my husband, during COVID19..so pretty much alone. Aloneness isn’t new to me, it’s an old friend, but there is a different cadence to it now. This article and site has helped me more then anything so far. I thank you for that. I stumbled across it by “accident.” Sometimes we find what we need where we least expect it. Thank you.
Tamera, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Take good care of yourself lovely, and reach out to others for help. <3 It's a beautiful case of synchronicity that the Universe has led you to this website. Sending lots of love for this painful time
Not only do I feel like I’m fighting alone, I feel like I am fighting against everyone. I’ve been in such a rotten mood and I can’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to be around me. And I don’t know how to face anyone anyway.
I appreciate you being here so I can say this to someone without feeling like I’m a jerk. This will pass, I’m sure, but it certainly isn’t fun…
I love all the articles you write, Aletheia Luna! Just the last sentence you wrote is worth a whole storehouse of knowledge and is extremely empowering and motivational. I am relatively spiritually mature as only a thirteen year old and I don’t have any friends at all. As a reserved and introspective individual, I find it very hard to socialize and articulate my thoughts and feelings to others and prefer to spend time alone doing something more productive and beneficial to my life. The connection I feel with you as the writer when you write about something I can completely relate and associate to makes me love reading your articles even more. Thank you for this AMAZING article!! The quote you mentioned was your favorite also became my favorite :)
Thank you Natalia. <3
I can relate a lot to what you write here. When I was your age, I too didn't have friends, was quiet, struggled to express how I felt, and was the outsider in school and life in general. All I can say is that it gets better. That may sound cliche, but it does. Life goes through cycles, and often it's necessary to walk alone in order to discover who we truly are. I feel so fortunate to have inspired you through this article and my other ones. Thank you so much for commenting. <3
Much love,
Luna
The picture in this article is of special interest to me. Can someone please explain to me what the sword is symbolic for in a tough journey alone?
Hey Ruby,
I know the interpretation is different for many (strength, warrior, etc.) but I personally perceive it as the razor sharp ‘sword’ (awareness) that is necessary to cut through all the fiction and nonsense in our lives that holds us back (self-beliefs, idealisms, inherited perspectives of the world, and so on).
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my question. I saw this symbol in a visualisation I had and I have done lots of research on sword symbolism but none of it felt relevant to what I saw and how I felt. What you have said makes perfect sense for me and where I am on my journey. Thank you so much.
Literally just reading your notes on catharsis and screaming made so much sense, as someone born into a world where repressing emotions is the norm. Definitely needed this one.
I’m glad to hear that Ursina. :)
Aletheia Luna, thank you so much. This article resonates with me. I have been on this lonely road of achieving my dreams of becoming a successful Writer. It’s not easy. But it pays to stay true to yourself. I have let this song by Jordan Sparks one step at a time and one day at a time by Cristy Lane sink into my body, mind and spirit. I have been exploring Loner Wolf and I I find it to be helpful. Finally, be led by your dreams don’t be pushed by your problems~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you it will only burn what you are not~ Mooji. Life shrinks or expand in proportion to one’s courage~Anais Nin. Don’t go through life crawling on your hands and knees half defeated. Stand up to your obstacles and do something about it. You will find that they have not half the power you think they have~ Norman Vincent Peale. Once again thank you.
Kingsley, all I can say is keep going. Keep practicing. And keep researching! Having a platform (such as a website + social media pages) in this day and age is so vital. Lots of love!
Hi Luna, you are awesome. Your article has inspired me to keep moving forward, I am struggling with a few emotional issues, of past and present life and was feeling discouraged. Thank you.
Hi Yvette, I’m so happy to hear that!
HEY, the article is really empowering! I was wondering if you could also write an article about how social media and overuse of technology has negative impacts on our spiritual lives. Thank you:)
I’ll add it to my “to write” list. ;)
Great article – as always. Thanks for all of your work! You metioned losing your religious faith – have you written a piece on that subject?
This is a bit too simplistic for me.
Self-empowerment means nothing if you hate yourself, and I certainly do.
After 27 years of chronic depression, social anxiety, AvPD, Body Dysmorphia, anorexia, IBS and total social isolation with no friends and no relationships, it would be an understatement for me to say that my problems can be fixed with this sort of generic advice.
I’m sure it works for some people. It may even be just what they need to hear. But it doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to BE me.
I enjoy many things in life, but I enjoy them for what they are, and not because I’m involved with them.
I like things that make me forget that I exist. A great film or a painting, or a book. It doesn’t matter. If something is captivating enough that I don’t have to be reminded of the fact that I’m here, then I’m happy.
Hi Marcus, if you perceive this article to be too simplistic, please explore the countless other free articles on this website which help with the issue of self-hatred. Here is a good place to start: https://lonerwolf.com/negative-thoughts/
I have struggled with generalized anxiety, depression, social anxiety, OCD, self-harm, social isolation, no friends, no relationships, and no family. Through my journey, I’ve learned that escaping from myself is a short-term solution that actually increases suffering. So if you wish to overcome all of your issues, you will need to eventually stop avoiding and escaping from yourself. You can still enjoy films, painting, and books, but YOU will need to exert the effort to seek a therapist, read self-help books, or take courses. No one is going to save you. You have to do that yourself, even if you despise who you are. You have to take the initiative. And if you don’t, well, the only other option is continuous suffering. So what’s your choice? To avoid and escape (but still despise) yourself? Or to do something about your pain and to keep moving forward no matter what setbacks you’re confronted with?
Hi Marcus, I see a lot of myself in your post. I have been struggling with self hatred for decades. There is never been a second of my life when I wasn’t acutely aware of the fact that my existence was something I needed to make up for. I am now pushing 60 and my body and psyche are riddled with the inevitable results of the neglect with which I have lived. I read the articles here not because I wish to be saved, but because I wished to completely understand how it is I got where I am today. I know that I’m not supposed to give up on my life but I can tell you in all honesty that I have done exactly that. I am about two years past that invisible tipping point in my head where there’s anything that could happen to me that would make the last 59 years worth it, and there’s nothing I want as badly as I want to erase the fact that I ever existed.
For Ceb & Marcus, For All
I am just reading comments and I want you to know that I totally relate; not only to having to escape and avoid in order to breathe desperate wanting to be erased off the face of the earth, I know the gutteral anguish follows. When I wrote the words to my father, asking him “why I had to be lisa and that I’d give anything, anything in the world to be anybody but me, (another story, (he never responded) I could not stand myself. Shame, hatred, guilt, blame were the only feelings in me. Luna’s words are spot on though; whether escaping is by the hot babe on your arm, fast car we drive, money in the account we only cover up what needs healing. I’ve used substances, food, money, relationships, the list goes on …. my friends, simply put there will never be enough of …fill in the blank… for me to feel better for the rest of my life. And I don’t think I’m going to die soon. So damn, now what? Not wanting to be me, was the moment I surrendered. I had to find another way to live if I was going to exist here. Surrendering gave me space enough to be open to something I never thought possible. You are not alone. You are supported. Just be open to the idea that you have all you need to create something different. Today, I wouldn’t want to be anyone other than me, lisa…! Just be open. No matter what my friends, you are right on time. And thank you Luna for article, I relate to the heart break and having to forge alone. Your words help me to keep on keeping on. Thank you my friend.
Lisa