Almost all of us have experienced some kind of traumatic or shocking event.
When I speak of trauma, I don’t always mean extreme situations such as natural disasters, instances of abuse, rape, murder, and accidents.
While traumatic experiences often are severe and horrific, they can also be seemingly “mundane” experiences such as losing a job, daily stress, divorcing, and moving somewhere foreign.
Trauma also can, and often does, come as a result of the spiritual awakening process in which our entire self-concept begins to crumble and we’re thrown into the abyss of an existential crisis.
Trauma is unique for each person. While we might find changing jobs just another daily task, another person may find the switch highly distressing. We should be very careful about judging other people when it comes to trauma. Every person is different and possesses different levels of sensitivity.
Table of contents
11 Signs You’re Going Through a Traumatic Experience
A traumatic experience is anything that severely threatens your emotional, psychological or physical well-being.
Essentially, trauma is anything that causes us to feel like we’re losing or have lost control.
Feeling traumatized is often accompanied by the experiences of feeling:
- Numb or disconnected from the world
- Sad and hopeless
- Anxious and fearful
- Hypervigilance (constantly looking out for danger)
- Confused and unable to concentrate
- Shocked and/or in denial
- Angry or rageful
- Moody and irritable
- Guilty or ashamed
- The need to withdraw from others
The danger with coming to terms with the fact that you have been traumatized is the tendency to adopt the role of a victim – also known as a victim mentality.
If you have read this list and discovered that you’re going through a traumatic experience, I want to invite you to notice the tendency to start attaching to the idea that you’re a victim. While it’s important that we come to terms with our trauma, it is very harmful, disempowering, and addictive to start thinking of yourself as a victim who is at the mercy of others/life. It’s much more empowering to see yourself as a survivor/warrior, than a victim.
The Importance of Tapping Into Your Inner Strength
Trauma is essentially what happens when we feel totally powerless, and are frozen internally into that state of being.
But here’s the liberating truth: power comes from within. Whatever goes on outside of you is nothing compared to the courage, clarity, and compassion that already lies within your Soul.
Learning how to tap into your inner strength – the power of your inner wolf – is really about developing self-compassion. When you’re able to access this self-compassion, you will discover that nothing can truly harm you, because nothing can take away the untouchable divine strength of your inner Self. And when you realize that nothing can truly hurt you at your core, you will feel empowered and able to deal with anything that comes your way.
9 Ways to Access Your Inner Strength During Traumatic Experiences
Like most people, I have gone through traumatic experiences such as emotional abuse, having a drug-addicted mother, going through a spiritual awakening process, dealing with mentally ill family members, feeling like I’m going crazy myself, among many other things.
Two of the most powerful and life-changing tools I discovered during these dark times were self-love and thought inquiry. Learning to take care of myself with loving kindness and discovering that believing thoughts actually create suffering freed me from a lot of anger, fear, and shame.
Here are some key ways to access your inner strength during periods of extreme stress, illness, loss, vulnerability, and pain:
1. Treat yourself with love and compassion
Notice the tendency for the inner critic to start judging you for “not having it all together” or for “being weak.” Counteract any critical thought with compassionate and encouraging words. For example, you might say to yourself, “It’s OK to feel this way,” “I’m doing the best I can,” “I love you no matter what,” or “I’m here for you.” How would you speak to a child who has experienced what you have gone through? If it helps, address your kindness to your inner child. Treat yourself with love and compassion. (If you need more help learning how to be self-nurturing, explore these inner child healing exercises in our Inner Child Journal or try some of our step-by-step guided Self-Love Journal.)
2. Allow yourself to feel what you feel
One of the greatest causes of long-term suffering is the repression of our emotions. While it’s not always possible to feel our emotions after a traumatic circumstance, it is vital at some point to re-experience anything that we have shut away inside. Whatever we repress or suppress tends to have a way of building up within us like volcanic lava. At some point, we need to let it all out, and this will either happen consciously and intentionally – or as a catastrophic unconscious reaction to something that triggers us (just like a volcanic eruption).
In order to “feel it to heal it” you need to find a healthy form of catharsis. For instance, you might seek out a therapist to speak with, practice journaling, explore art therapy or even delve into more traditional forms of catharsis such as crying, screaming or physical workout (such as punching).
3. Breathe deeply
During traumatic circumstances, our minds tend to race and our breathing becomes shallow. The more shallow our breathing becomes, the more anxiety we feel, and the more our minds go crazy – and vice versa. To break this loop, breathe slowly, softly, and deeply into your stomach. Deep breathing exercises stimulate the vagus nerve in the body which sends signals to the brain to calm down. If you’re struggling to breathe deeply, try noticing your in-breath and out-breath. Mindfully focus on the sensations in your body and what it feels like to be scared. If you can, try to become curious about what is happening in your mind and body. If you’re feeling extremely wired-up, find one part of your body that feels relaxed and grounded (that could be your big toe, your ear lobe, your hands, your shins – anything). Focus on this part of your body and feel the anxious energy dissipate within you. Breathing deeply and paying mindful attention helps to create more space inside of you to calm down and become balanced again.
4. Go slowly
Working, moving, and speaking quickly tends to add to the stress we feel during painful circumstances. Allow yourself to slow down and reduce the tempo. Give yourself the space to process what is happening. Notice your addiction to working quickly and how it tends to cause the mind to get lost in thoughts of the past and future. Do one thing at a time, and ignore people who try to pressure you. Your health and mental wellbeing are paramount. The world won’t end if you slow down, but it will feel better to inhabit.
5. Let go of self-victimizing thoughts
When we believe our thoughts, we suffer. But here’s the thing: your thoughts don’t actually mean anything about you unless you believe they do. Thoughts are simply fluctuations of energy. We don’t control our thoughts, otherwise, don’t you think we would always choose to think happy thoughts? We can’t even predict what the next five thoughts in our head will be. Therefore, if we don’t control our thoughts, how can we actually be our thoughts? How can our thoughts be true?
The root cause of all suffering is believing and identifying with thoughts instead of witnessing them and letting them go. When we experience trauma, the mind tends to create thoughts about how terrible our lives are and begins to create an identity around suffering (known as the victim complex). The moment we begin believing self-victimizing and self-pitying thoughts is the precise moment we experience intense suffering. But when we notice and become aware of these thoughts, and don’t identify with them, we don’t suffer.
Learning how to access your inner strength is about teaching yourself to become aware of these intrusive thoughts and realize that they only mean something if you believe they do. Otherwise, these thoughts come and go without hassle or worry. One of the best ways to stop identifying with your thoughts is through a regular meditation practice and self-inquiry. I recommend Scott Kiloby and Byron Katie as two excellent self-inquiry teachers.
6. Remember a situation in the past that you survived
If you’re struggling to trust your inner strength, try recalling a tough situation in the past that you got through. Simply remembering that you got through something difficult in the past can help strengthen your resolve in the present.
7. Ask for guidance
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s actually a sign of inner strength! When you seek help, you are being courageous and admitting that you don’t have all the answers, which is perfectly normal. Try seeking support from a trusted loved one, trained therapist or praying to a higher power such as your Soul. (See this article on the power of prayer for more help.) If you are in desperate need of guidance, I recommend seeking out a therapist.
8. Keep in mind that everything passes
No matter how much pain or suffering you’re going through right now, remember that everything passes, everything. Think back to a problem you had in the past, perhaps five or ten years ago. Where is that problem now? By reminding yourself of the philosophy “this too shall pass” you will bring yourself out of the narrow focus of the mind to see a bigger picture.
9. Connect with your Soul
Your Soul is the very core and essence of who you truly are. It’s at the very center of your being: the place that is full of your own unique spark of Divinity. Many describe the Soul as a feeling of deep inner knowing, unfathomable self-love, boundless compassion, deep wisdom, and profound strength.
The reason why so many of us feel lost in life is that we’ve lost touch with our Soul essence, and as a result, experience Soul loss. How many times have you felt the longing to return home? To find inner peace? To break free? This is a call from the Soul inviting you back home. This is your Soul trying to open a doorway to expanded consciousness – to wake up out of the dream that so many of us fall into within society.
One of the simplest and most direct ways to reconnect with your Soul is through a practice known as Mirror Work. The mirror, traditionally, is a mystical object that shows us reality, plain and clear. What better way to rediscover the truth of who you really are?
When we glance into the mirror we come in contact with the windows of our Soul: the eyes. By gazing into our eyes, and calling on the presence of our Souls, it is quite easy to experience a sense of peace, well-being, trust, and love.
However, Mirror Work can often show us inner parts that make us feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. It’s common to have self-loathing, critical, and judgmental feelings and thoughts while looking at ourselves in the mirror. That’s why Mirror Work is well accompanied by some form of Shadow Work (or looking at our dark side).
If you’d like to attempt this practice, see our article on Mirror Work for more in-depth guidance.
Now that you have explored how to access your inner strength, focus on one of the points above that appeals to you. Try to dedicate the next week to implementing whatever point of advice you choose and notice how you feel.
Most importantly, remember that self-compassion and thought inquiry are essential tools for tapping into the innate strength you carry. At first, it can be hard to believe that you carry strength within you at all, and this is because the mind tends to obscure your Soul with thoughts. However, the more you become aware of these destructive thoughts, the more you will feel your natural inner radiance shine like an eternal sun.
Cultures and spiritual traditions through the ages have called this inner presence your Buddha Nature, Higher Self, Consciousness, God/Goddess, Atman, and Soul. This sacred place within you is the source of all love, strength, peace, and understanding you need.
My hope is that this article can help you find relief from suffering. Please share whatever has helped you overcome trauma below.
I feel the opposite yet same thing happening to me. The other side of the coin to victimhood is taking on all the blame. Example: Dad was violent because I wasn’t a good girl. It is all of my fault. That pattern turns into, “I touched an avocado at the store and this entire pandemic is my fault. Everyone is dying because of me.” Yes, I joke a bit here, but I’m also being honest and real fears. Recently, I read that taking all the blame is a way to have control and power, even if it hurts you, at least you feel a (false) sense of control – I’d cite this if I could remember the article. I’m doing rather well now, but a few weeks ago, I used Kristen Neff’s self-compassion break exercise and connected with both my smallness and my enormous connection to a greater power. I really felt peace with with holding these two seemingly divergent thoughts at the same time. I am small AND I’m part of something so much greater than me. Similar to how it seems strange that by “surrendering” to the moment brings peace. I was blinded to only seeing a victim/perpetrator… Read more »
I love reading all your material. They are great and full of beautiful information.
New to your work, website and faecbook page but am finding your knowledge and information deeply helpful. Thank you Mateo & Luna – I now have the self help ways I have needed for long time
Thank you Mateo. Qi Gong and Tai Chi (at home) is really helping me at the moment to centre on my breathing and rebalance the ebbs and flows of my energy system. And some days are more difficult than others. It has been difficult for me to commit to daily practice during the roller-coaster of my spiritual awakening the past couple of years. But given the times we are in, I feel a push to commit to my spiritual practice now fully. Reframing it as ‘taking my medicine’, rather than the more intimidating notion of ‘spiritual ascension’, has really caused a positive shift I noticed towards greater self-love. That is a good thing that has come out of this. I wonder how many others’ spiritual awakenings are being triggered at this time, and how this event is pushing those of us a bit further along the journey to truly commit to our Soul path. I am going to give Mirror work a shot this week, something about it really appeals to me. I hope you are doing well and keeping safe and enlightened :)
Very helpful. Thank you!