Learning how to understand and make peace with your childhood is one of the most healing and empowering experiences you could ever go through.
As the son of a drug-addicted narcissistic mother and totally absent father, I know how important it is to come to terms with your parent’s mental illness.
When we were children, we looked up to our parents for support, encouragement, nurturing and love. But when we were denied these things, we developed a variety of beliefs, behavioral patterns, and coping mechanisms to help us survive in such a difficult environment. As adults, we often play out these same coping mechanisms, often to our own detriment.
The thing about being the child of a narcissistic mother and/or father is that it often contributes to something known in shamanic terminology as soul loss. Soul loss is the inability to contact or experience our souls due to the unresolved wounds, traumas, and fears we’ve accumulated over the years.
The first step in healing this soul loss is to be willing to explore what you went through as a child. This process of exploring the narcissistic actions of your parent isn’t done to condemn them or to victimize yourself. Instead, this process is done to help you understand the root cause of any pain you’re still experiencing, to learn how to release it, and to move on with your life. This becomes a strengthening and rejuvenating process.
19 Signs You Had a Narcissistic Mother and/or Father
The thing about having a narcissistic mother and/or father is that you have been taught to believe that you are the crazy and imbalanced one, instead of them. This causes you to constantly doubt yourself and any feelings you have about them.
Another major sign of being raised by narcissists is the constant guilt you struggle with. In other words, while you might suspect that there is something “off” with your parents, you feel ashamed to think about them in such a way, and you tend to start beating yourself up instead.
But there is a very good reason why you’ve come to this article. And while you may still have lingering doubts, I hope the following information can clear your mind.
Firstly, you should know that there are two main kinds of narcissists:
- Engulfing Narcissists — these are parents who see their children as extensions of themselves. In other words, engulfing narcissistic parents become obsessively involved in your life to an extreme extent. They don’t respect your boundaries or acknowledge you as a separate person.
- Ignoring Narcissists — these are parents who have very little interest in their children. Ignoring narcissists clearly see the boundary between themselves and their children. As a result, they neglect to take care of their children or show an active interest in their lives.
Depending on what type of narcissistic parent you have, you’ll struggle with slightly different (but similar) issues.
So …
How does a narcissistic mother or father behave?
Here are some of the main signs:
- They tried to control you through codependency
- They laid on the guilt thick
- They only loved you when you did what THEY wanted
- They liked to “get even” with you
- They never respected your boundaries
- They competed with you
- They “owned” your accomplishments
- They constantly lied to you
- They never listened to (or cared) about your feelings
- They constantly insulted you
- They exerted explicit control over you
- They gaslighted you
- They “parentified” you
- They had a “favorite” or “golden” child
- They reacted intensely to any form of criticism
- They projected their bad behavior onto you
- They never displayed any empathy
- They were infallibly correct and never wrong
- They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders
Keep in mind that there’s a difference between narcissistic behavior (which only comes out every now and then) and narcissism. We all have a tendency to be narcissistic given the right circumstances (such as high stress). But narcissism is ongoing, chronic, and pathological.
I’ll go into these nineteen signs more in depth below:
1. They tried to control you through codependency
In other words, you were told by your parent/s, “Don’t leave me. I need you. I can’t live without you.” This made it impossible for you to live an autonomous life or establish independent priorities other than catering to the needs of your parent/s.
2. They laid on the guilt thick
Another method of controlling you was to constantly guilt trip you into doing what they wanted. They may have told you, “I’ve done so much for you, I’ve sacrificed everything for you.” As a result, you felt indebted to them and as though you “owed” them complete obedience.
3. They only loved you when you did what THEY wanted
Your parent/s withdrew love very easily. If you failed to do what they wanted, they would either punish you severely or give you the silent treatment. You had the impression that they only loved you when you PROVED your worth to them.
4. They liked to “get even” with you
When you did something “wrong” or against their will — even in the smallest way — they made sure they punished you. This petty and childish way of “getting even” may have been subtle or very obvious. For instance, they may have deliberately sabotaged something you cared about, broke something of yours, or hid something to get back at you.
5. They never respected your boundaries
There wasn’t any “private” space to call your own growing up. Your narcissistic mother or father would go through your room and private belongings, without a thought, sometimes even using what they found against you.
6. They competed with you
If you ever got something nice, they took it from you or got something nicer to “out-do” you.
7. They “owned” your accomplishments
Whenever someone complimented your achievements, your parent/s would instantly jump in and shift the attention to themselves. For example, if someone congratulated you for winning a soccer trophy, your parent/s would butt in and say something along the lines of, “Yes, she gets it from me. I was always athletic as a child.” They love the spotlight and frequently stole it from you.
8. They constantly lied to you
Your parent/s lied to manipulate, control and take advantage of you in some way, shape or form. You never knew what you could trust was “real” or truthful around them, or whether they were setting up a hidden trap for you to fall into.
9. They never listened to (or cared) about your feelings
You felt that you could never share your feelings with your parent/s because they would either make fun of you or talk about themselves instead. Somehow, whatever issue you faced as a child was spun into a pity party for them, not you.
10. They constantly insulted you
Your narcissistic mother or father berated, demeaned and harassed you on a constant basis. They may have even latched onto an insecurity of yours and used it to humiliate you.
11. They exerted explicit control over you
In other words, when you didn’t obey them, they would punish you. The message was very clear, “Obey me, or I’ll punish you.” You were punished through emotional or physical abuse including emotional blackmail, hitting or beating.
12. They gaslighted you
In order to control you, they used a psychological manipulation tactic known as gaslighting. What this means is that they would deliberately make you feel crazy, or cause you to doubt your sanity, in order to gain the upper hand. This led to the development of constant self-doubt during your childhood, adolescence and present life. Read more about gaslighting.
13. They “parentified” you
As a child, you were expected to “parent” your parent, or behave as a surrogate parent to cater to their needs, instead of them catering to yours.
14. They had a “favorite” or “golden” child
In your family, there was the “golden” child and the “scapegoat” child. In other words, one child was seen as perfect and capable of doing no harm. The other child was seen as the black sheep and the cause of all issues (this is also known as an identified patient). These roles could have also switched frequently.
15. They reacted intensely to any form of criticism
Did you ever criticize your mother or father? What was their general reaction? If your mother and/or father was a narcissist, they likely reacted in an extreme way. They would scream at you and likely physically hurt you through smacking, or some other method.
16. They projected their bad behavior onto you
For example, if you were in an argument, your narcissistic mother or father would hysterically scream at you, “ How dare you talk to your mother that way. Go to your room. We’ll talk after you stop screaming at me.”
17. They never displayed any empathy
They never asked about your feelings, sympathized with you, or cared. They seemed to be solely interested in their own feelings.
18. They were infallibly correct and never wrong
Even when they made a mistake or treated you in an unfair, or unjust way, they never apologized for their mistake. When you confronted them about it, they denied all accusations and tried to spin the blame onto you.
19. They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders
Your parent/s went to great lengths to ensure that others perceived you as a loving/successful/enviable family. Likely, you were very aware of this ploy but kept silent for fear of wrath from your parent/s.
How to Confirm That You’re the Child of a Narcissistic Mother / Father
After reading through this list of symptoms you might still be unsure of how to define your parent/s. That’s normal. Your narcissistic mother and/or father wouldn’t have exhibited all of the signs above (but if they did, pay attention).
If you’re the child of a narcissist, you will likely struggle with these problems:
- Codependency in other relationships
- Weak sense of self
- Poor personal boundaries and inability to say “no”
- Chronic guilt or toxic shame
- Self-loathing
- Emptiness
- Trust issues
- Inability to express or handle emotions (resulting in emotional numbness)
- Anxiety or depression
- Being a people-pleaser
How many signs can you relate to? Obviously, the more issues you can say ‘yes’ to, the more likely you can confirm (without a doubt) that you were raised by a narcissistic mother or father.
The Awakened Empath eBook:
Written for the highly sensitive and empathic people of life, Awakened Empath is a comprehensive map for helping you to develop physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual balance on every level.
Click on any of the linked articles in the list above to gain further guidance.
How Do You Deal With a Narcissistic Mother or Father?
What next?
If you’re quite sure that one, or both, of your parents, was a narcissist, it’s likely that they still have some kind of involvement in your life. Many narcissist support groups recommend cutting off contact from such parents or interacting them in small, measured ways (such as through a phone call, or text message).
To begin your process of soul healing, you might like to do the following:
- Stop hoping that your narcissistic parent will change — you can never change them.
- Allow yourself to grieve the parent you never had.
- Understand that you have been raised to suppress and deny your feelings. Now is a good opportunity to slowly open up to those years of repressed feelings. You can do this by seeking traditional psychotherapy that focuses on shadow work, or alternative methods such as shamanic healing, hypnotherapy, holistic remedies, etc.
- Learn to take care of your own needs through the practice of self-care.
- Learn how to love yourself.
- Reconnect with your inner child and learn how to care for it in a way your parents never could. This is called inner child work.
- Keep an active daily journal in which you self-reflect. This will help you become more self-aware.
- Explore soul retrieval, which is a vital part of inner work.
- Express your emotions in a healthy way, particularly any anger you have inside.
- Join a support group and connect with others who have experienced similar childhood experiences. You can find many on Facebook, or you could search the internet for local groups.
- Arm and empower yourself with knowledge by reading books such as “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare” and “Disarming the Narcissist.”
While you may feel broken, it’s important to remember that you are not broken. Your soul can never be broken. It is still there, waiting for you to access. This experience only serves to show you that everything you need is within you. No matter what your childhood was like, it’s still possible to heal and reunite with that source of unconditional joy, wonder and love inside.
I hope this article supports your healing and growth. If you want to share your experience growing up with a narcissistic mother and/or father, please comment below. You’re welcome to keep your comment anonymous (by using our website’s comment system). Your email is always kept private.
I have done a lot of work on myself and research into toxic narcissistic parents in order to try to keep healing from my own toxic childhood. This article and associated information is the most insightful and precise I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for everything you do. For those of you still attempting some kind of relationship with an adult who physically / mentally/ emotionally and/ or sexually abused you, I can strongly recommend cutting all ties and focussing on your own life. I’m 50 now and have been free of all ( previously intermittent contact since age 13)contact for 25 years. No regrets. Reclaim your life, your heart and your soul. One love to all
This amazes me! I’ve been asking many people questions as to why my mother always seemed to be jealous of me, her only daughter. But my husband figured her out early on and she didn’t like that. For years I wondered if I could ever get on her good side. Now she treats me like I am her mortal enemy and absolutely no one will stand up to her (because she puts on a victim act around anyone who will listen) which makes me wonder if anyone else experiences this too or am I her favorite to hate and abuse. Amazing!
It was shocking when I came across this article but then it clicked.
My mother tried to murder me when I was 14 and I was out on my own and met a man much older than me and got into a relationship. I would always think of him and my mother being 2 sides of the same coin. Little did I know how right I was!
It was very abusive, as you can imagine.
To make matters worse I didn’t know I was an empath.
On top of that we had a child who died at 6 weeks for no reason (SIDS). A big 9lb baby boy who I took for his first check up the week before he died and the doctor said “That’s not a baby! That’s a toddler!” I felt so proud and was reading books on your child’s self-esteem. I promised myself I would never treat him like both of them treated me. Even his father called me a tigress because I was so protective. My mother actually gave me a compliment after he died and said I’d been a great mother!
However, the trauma of losing him was so great I became dissociative for many months.
Finally, one day I started to feel and said I missed him and started crying. My mother yelled at me and told me not to cry and because I could never disobey her I stopped. About 2 years later I had a psychotic breakdown and believed that if I got back with his father (who I managed to get out of my life and that wasn’t easy) I could have a baby and it would be my son! Yeah I was crazy and I had no support.
To make this very long story short I learned that he was also a narcissist. I learned that I was an empath just recently; thanks to all of your information; and how a relationship with a narcissist is the worst.
I’m 45 now and I divorced him when I was 23. I cut all contact with him until recently (I kept having constant dreams of him all of a sudden during my dark night of the soul.) I had to contact him. I’m glad I did because I had repressed so many memories my entire life from that relationship. My spiritual awakening began and although I thought I had forgiven him decades ago I truly hadn’t because I didn’t remember everything.
I’m still dealing with these memories and working with my inner child along with shadow work, spiritual awakening and being an empath. I’ve been doing a lot of work lol.
As for my mother I’ve had no contact with her for 10 years. I mourned that she never loved me but have been able to forgive her, love her and pity her because she is a victim like me.
She was also abused by her mother and just repeated the cycle and so I know she’s never healed and won’t.
I have you both to thank for helping me grow spiritually and learn who I really am.
Now I’m working through the exhusband thing and it’s very painful but I have faith I’ll get through it.
Thank you ❤
I remember as a little girl leaving notes in my dad’s dresser asking why he didn’t love me. Wow now I’m starting to understand thanks
This is so enlightening. I’ve just discovered your site and I’ve been reading for hours now! Thank you for the work you both are doing ♥️ I am 37 and still and coming to more realizations of how I’m so limited by early beliefs created in me by my mother and the intensely oppressive Christian environment. I hadn’t thought specifically about narcissism although I had suspected mental illness. I myself spent time in psychiatric institutions to heal my trauma/depression and panic disorders. Anyway this hit the nail on the head as did the article about the mother wound. I am an empath and I’m currently trying to get pregnant. I’m hoping that through healing the mother wound and inner child work I might also affect my ability to conceive! Many thanks again.
In my case, my father shows narcissist behavior.
The worst or most profound characteristics I could recognize were: Not being loved for who I really am or want to be, rejecting my interests and feelings, manipulation in form of guilt and blaming and letting no room for individual development.
For me the worst thing is that I feel like everything I bring to the table or anything I talk or think about has no value at all. My father was always the only one talking at the dinner table. Most of the time he spoke badly about other people or told us about what he managed to do on that day. Nobody else ever said more than 5 sentences and I always felt so emotionally wracked after dinner.
I can also observe this feeling of not being important in my social activities. In school I felt like it did not matter what I had to say and in friendships believe that nobody really listens to what I have to say. And that really hurts because my friends are the only people I actually open up to from time to time.
When I was young I really liked gymnastics but my father did not like me doing that sport and with time he disliked it even more to a point where he forbid me to do gymnastics any longer. He pressured me into another sport, that gave me many opportunities but I did not do because of passion or motivation originating from self-fulfillment. I basically pursued that sport to make my father like me even a little.
I few of my friends he disliked as well. He really said some mean things about them so I would not do the same. In other words, he despised my friends. Thus, i felt like he hated me because of course I was a little similar to them. Self-hatred is something I really struggle with. I can’t accept myself, not even physically. My dad body shamed me when I hit puberty and was getting more feminin features. I really suffered and still do as I always think of myself as dumb or ugly.
Most importantly, he tries to control my career. With lending me money to go to university and buying an apartment for me he, wants to keep control in form of me having to pay him back. I want to be able to finance myself and have no connection what so ever with him. This is my biggest dream actually, to never have to talk to him again because I know I feel so much happier when he is not around, it is like my soul can finally breathe.
Last year I was dating this man and after a month or so I realized that he was a narcissist and began researching the topic. Suddenly, a light bulb went on: he was the male version of my mother. They both are obsessed with looks, want to be seen as perfect angles, it’s never their fault, they need constant attention etc.
I’ve always thought my mother and I just had different personalities and we didn’t click. It is so much more than that. It all makes sense now.
My mom has three kids with three different men and I’m the middle child. She is very pretty, well spoken, acts prissy/too perfect, and is very extroverted. People would tell me how wonderful she is but it’s all an act.
If I were too look terrible at home she would let me know but since she tells me when I look good it’s okay. She will even say, “you look great, you look just like ME!” It’s okay to put me down because she gives me compliments. Her words.
When I would bring up something that was making me upset or down she would tell me to go talk to a therapist or my father. “What do you want me to do?”, she would say. But when she has a problem, she wants everybody’s attention NOW.
She never had a career or a trade. She said is was too hard to figure out what to do, despite having the means and time to learn something. My mom’s life plan was to look good and have men take care of her (they did). She worked odd jobs here and there but she wasn’t ever going to do more than that. My half-sister, the oldest, is the same way and she is the golden child.
Last year my father passed away and I had to move back to my home state to take care of some issues. I had to move back in with my mom and step-dad because it is too bloody expensive where I’m from. It shouldn’t be too much longer here and I really don’t see myself talking to my mom ever again. Living under the same room and seeing how she acts is frightening. She loves to tell my step-dad what to do and when, even though he the reason why we live in a nice house. She would be nothing without him.
I left my home state when I was 21 and moved all over the states and a few other countries due to work or personal reasons. I was never sad that I was away from my mom. I hated talking to her because the conversation all about her or my half-sister. I couldn’t wait to hang up the darn phone. I don’t wish her harm but if I never talked to her again I wouldn’t shed one tear.
My mom thinks she is an amazing mother because we had a clean house, good food, birthday parties etc. She doesn’t see herself as anything but perfect.
I could go on and on and on. I really wish that I figured this out sooner. This is where my low self-esteem comes and self-sabotaging ways comes from. I would beat myself up for the littlest things and the majority of my life I wondered what the heck is wrong with me.
Thank you for this blog and all of the others who shared their stories. I’ve always felt that I was alone or that I was crazy and needed a therapist like my mother said. Again, THANK YOU.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can relate SO much to a lot of what you said, especially the part where you said: “I’ve always thought my mother and I just had different personalities and we didn’t click. It is so much more than that. It all makes sense now.” I think maybe the reason me and my mom don’t “click” is because I’m an empath and I really think she is a narcissist. Our personalities are polar opposites. And the fact that I feel emotions so strongly means that whenever I don’t do things when, how, and why she wants me to do them, I feel her frustration and anger with me ten times stronger. I’m so happy I found this article. I feel like everything’s not my fault after all.
Thanks for sharing your examples. I’m just now realizing that my mother is a narcissist. I’m actually staying with her until tomorrow because my ex was a narc (and I needed to leave fast)….now only to piece the puzzle together that my mom is the same way (in a slightly different manner). Agh I always wished and prayed she would have changed her ways by now. This makes sense. Light bulb!
This was really helpful. I can’t lie I cant even remember a time when I didn’t have a problem with my self esteem. I also started to notice that I was becoming a people pleaser and had really bad social anxiety and I was always bullying myself. But worst of all I would let other people have so much control over how i felt about myself and i let other people decide my worth for me. I would be in relationships with people that didn’t even care about me as much as I cared about them. People took me for granted and a lot were for fucking entitled to my time and what i had to offer. People disrespected me so much and i would let them. I would agree with everything my peers said but deep down i felt so disconnected with them. And i realised these things and was wondering why i had this problem. I didnt know what the sorce was. To find out that my father was the problem was so heartbreaking because all he had to do was tell me im beautiful. But instead he made me insecure, lonely, detached and have a low sense of self. I just wat to fast forward to the part where i don’t care about him anymore.
I really wish I knew THEN what I know NOW about my late mother’s narcissism. Most of the items on this list describe her down to the last fiber of her being. Yet, I had NO idea that this was not healthy parenting and so I just took it all for granted. It was also all compounded by the fact that I had/have autism.
My mother, it would seem was a full blown narcissist. It’s debatable , but it seems likely that I am an Aspie. I am also the father of four children. As we grow up we take on the “charms” of our parents. I shudder to think at the damage I might have done to the people I love…
I too had a narcissistic parent but he was my father and i also have autism im sorry about your mom I remember my dad calling me a horses ass after i had a miscarriage back in 2015. My husband and i were both devastated by it so we needed to take a week off of work and distant ourselves from people it’s like we were expected to feel better right away so my dad calls me a horse’s ass for distancing myself trying to grieve over a child i lost its like gee thanks dad way to kick me even more while I’m down and he apologized for it but then he tried to blame my husband using our miscarriage as a scapegoat not to work. There were good things he’s done but they were always followed by bad things and i question if the good things he’s ever done was just for himself and not for me. All the things i read on the list also describe my dad. If you have a Facebook account id like to add you my name is Jennifer Rochelle Williams and my email address is jw9454748@gmail.com again im sorry about your mom we wish we can prevent the damage they done to us but unfortunately we can’t change our past all we can do is limit contact with them or no contact at all which for me I finally chose the latter because all it is just being on an endless rollercoaster ride and you can’t change someone who doesnt see a need to change or a want to change. But all we can do is make the best of things for a better future
i am struggling with every single thing written on this list and it was nice to just clarify my thoughts. i experienced every single sign, and i had an idea that my parents are narcissists but you never really know until you read the proof right there. i am still trying to figure out who i am and why i’m like this. this helps a lot.
While watching a program on TV a few days ago, I had a flash back. Flash backs are common place for me, still at 62 I get them. My mother, who is very much alive, is a Narcissist. I figured it out 2.5 years ago.
I grew up swimming in the ocean and a pool now and then, but for some reason one summer when I was about 10 years old, she decided I needed swimming lessons. Decisions like this often occurred out of now where and for no reason, and these decisions left very emotional consequences. The lessons were to be given at the local college by the swim coach. On my first and only day, all the kids were all instructed to swim around in a shallow area to be evaluated. From what I can remember, we all got out of the pool and were asked to get in the deep in and swim. I got in and did my version of swimming, and quickly realized that what I was doing was not good enough for the instructor. I saw him coming and knew that it was not going to be good, so I swam over to the edge of the pool and got out.
I had gotten out on the deep side of the pool, but this man got out and pushed me back into the pool. I swam as hard as I could to the rope that divided the pool, and held on for dear life! He quickly caught up with me and grabbed my arm, trying to pull me off the rope. The rope cut through my hands, and they began to bleed and sting from the chloride. I began to scream for help!, and that’s when I saw my mother get up from her chair and walk out. The instructor had eventually pulled me free and out in the middle of the deep end, shamed me, and then swam away.
Afterwards, I got out of the pool and tried to find my mother. Confused, emotionally drained, hands cut and bleeding, I found her and she was angry. Angry at me for embarrassing her in front of everyone. What about me? It didn’t matter.
It feels good to write down and share my memories. In some way it is healing.
I’ve grown up with a narcissistic mother and now, financially in a bad place, my husband, son, and I have been forced to move in with her. It’s now going on 8 years because she’s constantly holding us back because we can never get ahead financially. Her money problems have evolved into ours as well and we live in a house that’s too big…high mortgage and high utility bills. I can never escape her manipulation and her control because we can never get our feet back on the ground to move. We’re always put in a position to have to bear the majority of her over-spending and if we don’t we’ll likely have to deal with a foreclosure on her house and have nowhere to go ourselves because we cannot save money, ever. I deal with daily narcissistic abuse from her, and part of me Hope’s that she will die soon. She’s 75 and in great health. I’m middle aged and concurrently in therapy mostly to deal with her.
Here is the story of me and those who came before me. Today, yesterday looks a lot different then I remembered. Did the past change or did I? Maybe it’s the view, you decide.
Dear child Janece,
Here’s how things work around here. Im in charge. My word is law. I’m in control of everything our family decides and because I’m in charge you need to obey me, if you don’t you will mess everything up and make me look bad, which isn’t good for you. I don’t have time for do overs or to clean up and fix mistakes you could have avoided if you listened the first time so do that and things will be better for you. I demand respect because my title is Mom and I worked hard for it, I paid my dues. So no matter what respect will be mine. It can be easy for you if you just do what I expect of you right away, even if I think it but forget to explain you better figure it out some how. My daughter should be very smart so unless your not mine you better keep up with what I set as the bar. No time to get to know you and I won’t acomidate to weaknesses because my time is valuable and I love money and success gain, so don’t get in the way. If you really need help ask your Father, he must be good for something around here. I’m sure you’ll be fine, you won’t die or be hungry or be in danger mostly. It’s better then lots of people have it in the world so it’s good. And you should be greatful some kids don’t get to eat and have nice things. Some kids get beat up everyday by their parents and some don’t have parents at all… aren’t you glad that’s not you? Be grateful for what I give you or feel guilty and ashamed.
My career is my legacy, either be a part of what I’m doing or go away till I need you for something. My parents never had time for me and look how successful I turned out. You bring me flowers and want to be praised?I get better flowers from important people all the time! Besides, We can only rely on ourselves, no one else can do it right, so you’ll be better off on your own anyway. I’m not going to keep trying to love you if you won’t take it the way I want you to, so act right or don’t get loved! My dad was to busy to love me how I wanted and now I get what he meant because I feel the same about you when your not acting right. I hope you have a kid as bad as you one day, I know I’m learning my lesson for being ungrateful as a kid with you. Why are you making this so difficult, I’m so frustrated, you were suppose to give me unconditional love and make me whole but all you do is need and take from me! All you do is want to know why, I’m tired of it, I don’t have to explain anything to you anyway, I’m the MOM. Respect me. Why aren’t you who I want you to be? Why can’t I make you be what I want you to be? I just want the world to see you as a successful person like me. Don’t you care what they think? Don’t you want to be good?… I don’t have time for this, I going back to things that interest and benifit me, I have work to do. I left you food and it’s warm inside,your dad is here, youll figure it out and I’ll see you when we go on vacation where I can recharge, after that I might have time for you but only if you act right and show me respect and that your grateful for all I provided you. You better be asleep when I get home too. Your Dad is lazy and can’t even put you to bed right. Sorry BUT this isnt what I expected and if I’m stuck with you then sit down, shut up, and be happy with what I give you or you’ll be punished emotionally and physically. That should teach you till theirs time for me to get to fixing you later when you aren’t a dumb child. Grow up Janece, hurry exceed my dreams over reach for me and I will lovyou….maybe…And also don’t forget I have control,I know what’s best, my word is truth, never question me or you definitely won’t ever be loved by anyone.
Love demanding new Mom
PS I’m going to get a 2nd chance when your sister is born. At least I learned what doesn’t work, I know I’ll be better this time. Everyone will see! I’ll make her so great even you will like her or else!
Dear child Janece,
I hurt to much to love you like I should. I don’t even know how. I’ve been on my own for so long trying to find my place, my home. I keep trying but I don’t think it’s enough. It’s not enough for your mom, I think I’ll find someone I am enough for, you can stay if you want,it’ll be fun to have a new family. Plus your mom will see how happy we are and realised she was the bad one not me! I’ll show her, I’m good enough, I’m a successful person, I’m loved.
This is all very stressful and I don’t know how to manage emotionally, I just can’t deal with the pain of my past on top of the pain of my current faliures, so I’m going to drink and have fun with people who like me as I am, you can come if you want but don’t be a bummer. I have to keep laughing so I don’t start crying. Don’t be sad,you know I really tried but change is to uncomfortable and I’m not strong enough. You’re an awesome kid and I always wanted you but I’m not ready, there has to be someone better, I don’t know how to be a good dad You deserve better then me so maybe you should go find someone else to love you?
Love unprepared pleaser Dad
Dear Mom and Dad,
Everything is new and wonderous, I want to see and know of everything. Will you show me and teach me? I’m so excited. You both are my world. I adore you both in every way possible. I want to do everything with you and learn everything from you. Just love me and show me the world. Hug me and kiss me even when I’m grumpy or mad. I need to know what to do with feelings, they are so big and strong and new! Show me how to navigate this world safely, it’s scary but I feel safe if your there. You’ll protect me always right? I love you. Please don’t leave me, I need you, just as you are.
Love Child Janece
PS I’m not happy I’m getting a little sister. I’m almost five and you haven’t had enough time for just me! What happens when she comes? She’s going to get all your time, what if she’s better, will you throw me outside in the trash? Please send her back, I don’t want her please. I’ll be better, I’ll be what you want I promise, I’m sorry. Please.
Love confused and worried five y/o Janece
Dear teenage Janece,
It’s Mom again. Did you do all the things I asked of you. Your Dad abandoned us so you have to help me and pick up the slack. Carrie is your responsibility now, take care of her and don’t mess up. Don’t worry you won’t need time to make friends because I have plans you’ll see. If you do everything right and on time I’ll give you money to buy me flowers again. Now while we are here, I think I have time to try and fix you now, you better not have done anything I won’t like while I was busy, it’ll make more problems for me and you’ll pay a price for inconvenience because it’s disrespectful. I know your becoming a woman but I’m still above you, always, don’t forget your place. A spanking with my wood paddle will remind you, no matter your age. You’ll change when you don’t want to suffer anymore. Now listen to my plan for you cause I’m only saying it once…. What do you mean you found friends who love you as you are, unexceptable, get rid of them or else! You always pick people who are low lives and noit good enough to be around us, does it make you feel better because they are beneath you? You deviant girl. When will I get a break? Listen to me, no more seeing your old friends. I have picked you new ones, better ones. You’ll like the friends I picked you,they’ll help you be the person I think you should be and reach your full potential.They are all so wonderful and my students, being with them will help you be who you should be. They will fix you for me. See how smart I am, that’s why I’m the boss. I delagate things that are beneath me, saves time. What’s that you say, You have a boyfriend who loves you now? Oh what’s that now you’re a slut too? Where did you learn such vile behavior? Why are you embarrassing me again. How much more shame will you bring on me? You can’t see him anymore because I said so, you don’t deserve love because you don’t even understand it.. If you don’t obey me don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart because I’ll make sure you see how right I was through shame and guilt and you’ll never question or defy me again. Janece, I’ll try one more time to fix you and make you good enough, if it doesn’t work this time then we all might as well give up. Just listen to me because I know what’s best for you if you don’t change you’ll never be happy. no one is going to want you around ,and the time has come to correct youre additute before you make me look bad again, DO AS I SAY NOW! It’s your last chance.
Love divorced Mom
Dear teenage Janece,
Isn’t our new family great? I bet you love your new brother and sister and are excited to share a room with one of them so you can become close. You’ll never feel alone again. Don’t worry it’s still your home, on Wednesday and every other weekend just like before. You kids will have so much fun together,it’s like having your friends over ever night! Don’t worry I’ll buy you lots of new stuff and you’ll be happy again soon, more then ever, I swear! Isn’t my new wife great? She will be a better mom for you too, give her a chance, she loves me for me. I bet I’ll never have to change a thing again. Maybe we will even make you another sibling, then it’s a garentee we will be happy together forever. Please say you like this so I can finally be happy and love you more. Right after I rub my new life in your mom’s face everything will be perfect and I’ll find peace. Your good right? Let’s party and enjoy this stuff and these people, we will be happy, trust me I know it will work.
Love remarried lost Dad
Dear divorced Mom and Dad,
Why are you doing this to us? We are supposed to be together forever. I love you both,please don’t fight, don’t cry, don’t yell. What did I do wrong? Please tell me how to fix this, I’ll watch Carrie, do more chores, be better, anything JUST tell me how to fix it!!!! I’m sorry. Don’t give up on our family. I don’t want a new one, I hate them all, make them leave now! Please please please…..I need you. I need us, I need help and stability not fights and constant change. I know your hurting but I am too please don’t forget your kids.i feel like a failure. I hate how you hurt each other and me and carrie, then keep score like it’s all a game to win. I’m drowning in saddness and I’m scared and alone. Please come help me get out of here.
Love frightened teenage Janece
Dear graduate Janece,
While I tried to show you the right way of doing things but you wouldn’t listen. No I won’t help fund your silly idea to go to art school, you won’t make any money doing that. Now you’re just pathetic really,trying to find love from a man and making the same mistakes over and over, I tried to warn you, this is your fault, you didn’t obey. You better repent before it’s to late and even God can’t fix your screw ups. I don’t want you to regret your choices forever. Don’t mess up your whole life before it even begins. I give up because I keep telling you what to do but you hate me so much you won’t listen,even if it hurts you too. Only God can fix you now I’m done trying. I won’t waste anymore time. Maybe I’ll bail you out of trouble but only if it benefits me or gives me control or pleasure. You made your chouce, I warned you, now suffer your consiquences, and stop crying about the divorce. I’m the one who got abandoned and hurt not you, compared to my suffering, you’ll be fine stop trying to get more attention than is appropriate.. Bill still loves you and not me, I think he’s loved you more since you came around and that’s why he lost me. You mess everything up. I had everything under control before I had you but you just have to be so deliberately difiant and disrespectful. Why do you hate me so much?
Love moving on but still angry Mom,
Dear graduate Janece,
Well I messed up again,kiddo. I was sure this was the answer but I failed as usual, our new family left. You’ll come help pick-up the pieces right? I need you now, you love me right? Please help me. Youre stronger and you gotta help me, I’m your Dad, don’t you love me? Just clean this up so I can drink away the pain. And when it’s gone I’ll make things good again you’ll see…..you have to do this if you love me. Thanks so much, call me when I can have fun here again.
Love broken down Dad,
PS your help worked, I’m gonna stop drinking and get things back on track. Im sorry I wasn’t there for you but I can’t wait to make up for it now. I have so much to show you and so much love for you. Can’t wait, see you soon. It’s gonna be great! -Dad the real me
Dear Mom,
Fuck you and your way of doing things. It’s to late,I found my own way while you where busy and I’m smart and learned on my own. You made sure I knew I was a burden so I relieved you of that. Now I can take care of myself. I won’t need you ever again, so byeeeeee. I don’t want to change now so don’t even try, I worked to hard to change again. So fuck off, I wont ever stop hating you for your mistakes and selfishness I promise and this time I won’t let you down. Get lost Mary Sherman, I don’t need a family like this one, you and Carrie can go minpulate everything together and I’ll make it on my own and be happy and free. I’m not going to be your prisoner anymore. As soon as I walk away from you everything will be fine I will find someone willing to love me and I’ll make everything I want happen and I’ll be happy you’ll see. I’ll show you who’s better. I don’t need anyone but myself to succeed. I’m gonna be free, you won’t hurt me again you monster. I hate you. I’m nothing like you and I’m glad. One thing I can thank you for at least,you taught me how to survive, and now that I did that I’m going to go live. Good riddance….to you, your God,your rules, your everything. I’ll resent knowing you forever.
Love angry vengeful graduate Janece
PS, I hope this makes you realize how much youd miss me and want me and you come crawling back, begging for me to stay. You’ll beg, please don’t leave me, I need you. Just like Dad did, I’ll show you too. When your new husband gets sick of you I’m sure you’ll come begging then. Who could stand you forever anyway,Thank goodness I’m nothing like you ugh you’re aweful but only I can tolerate you.
Love bitter vengeful lonely Janece
Dear Broken, broke Dad,
I feel sorry for you, don’t worry I’ll help you. It feels good to be needed by you. I feel so important to you now,I knew you would see that you needed me one day. Now I can make you change and act the way I need because you’re broken and I can put you back together my way. It will all have been worth it then, this is what I’ve been waiting for. We will be so happy,just me and you doing things like before. It’ll be so much better without someone like Mary around, you’ll see how much different I am. I’m free now she can’t hurt either of us again. When it was just you and me in the start we were happy right? We’ve always done it better and we will show her by being so happy now. I can’t wait, it’ll be ok, I can control things, just follow me. I know how, I figured it out on my own. Aren’t I smart and able and good? Everyone will want me around now, you’ll see. I can’t wait, just do as I say,you’ll be fine. Trust me.
Love know it all Janece
Dear wannabe adult Janece,
This is your mother, you remember right? Of course you do, now respect and worship me as you should and maybe I’ll forgive you. Look at yourself, you’re making a fool of yourself. Don’t worry I can save you just come and obey and be forever in my debt and I’ll get you out of this. I will fix everything so I look like the hero of a sad dumb girl, I bet I’ll get awarded greatly for doing such good acts to someone like you,who doesn’t deserve it. I’ll look so good. Gosh Janece you really messed everything up,I knew you’d fail. Don’t worry mommy is here, let me embrace you in smug judgement as I repair all that you broke. Your life will be just as I it dreamed after all. Finally I have the power and control to bend you as I see fit. My hard work paid off. I’m so amazing for accomplishing this too. Everyone will admire me when I fix you. I’ll show you off to all like a trophy, doesn’t that sound wonderful? I’ll make you so pretty. It’ll be perfect,the dream life I always wanted, you’ll see. So wonderful, so great, perfect. Now come on, let’s get to work!
Love righteous Mom
Dear almost adult Janece,
I really don’t think it’s working, at least not fast enough, I tried, you know that right? It just hurts to much to keep trying, I don’t like how things feel. It’s uncomfortable. I’m gonna give up, I’m to tired. I don’t want to be sad and alone. If only you could be here all the time. If only something would make me happy or fix me. I needed you to try but you are so busy, I’m hurt you don’t have more time for me. I thought you loved me. I thought you understood me too but I guess you pied, why won’t you give me whatever I want or need? If you won’t then I will find someone who will, a new girl to love and adore me so I can feel better maybe. She’ll love me better then anyone has and I’ll finally be happy, then we can all be happy together. I’m sure you’ll like her because she makes me feel good. You want me to be happy don’t you? I’m going to start looking now.
Oh ya and by the way, I think the best way to deal with emotions that are to strong, especially the negative ones, is get rid of them as fast as you can. Don’t deal with them or you’ll get hurt more. I found that drinking helps make them smaller and my new girl drinks too. I realized drinking has been dependable for me. It never let me down and works every time so why stop if it makes everything better? It won’t hurt me, I’ll be better as usual because liquor is my best friend and won’t ever leave me alone or let me down. Don’t worry I know what I’m doing. Trust me, I’ll be fine.take it easy with me. Relax, you know what I mean? We ain’t hurting nobody by feeling good right?we earned it, we deserve a break.
Love sad scared sick Dad
Dear delusional Mom and Dad,
You are both nuts if you think I’m sticking around for this circus anymore. Mom I’ll never grovel to you for help and Dad you’re more lost then I am now. You two are worthless and messed up and embarrassed me for the last time. You never loved me. Have fun self distructing. I’m going to find happiness on my own. I’m sure I’ll be better at it then you two. Thanks for teaching what you could, I’m sure it will help me get what I want in the meanest way possible. Who cares if you’re rutherless if your in charge right? No one to answer but me. I’ll show you that I never needed your love at all. I’m gonna be great, I’m perfect and no one will see otherwise. I’ll never let you see otherwise again either because the real me is locked away safe behind the tough outside me that you helped to force into existence for my own survivals sake. me. I know I’m ready for any war out there because I grew up in one, so bring it on world, I’m a one man army and you’ll never break me down.
Love fragile hollow Janece
Dear Dad,
Why did you die so soon? You didn’t get to see me win at life. I wantes to make you so proud. You bailed on me again. This is so typical of you. You’ve always been so selfish, Mary was right. Have fun in heaven while I rot here. Thanks for nothing as always.
Love still hollow Janece
Dear Mom,
You bitch, you owe me so much and when I needed you because the world did me wrong you turned your back? How can you say no? It’s not fair as usual. Some Godly woman you are, you faker. If you are anything like God I don’t want to know him ever! I’m the victim here, this is partly your fault too. Don’t you feel guilty enough to do what I want yet? Well you should, you owe me big time. If you don’t pay your debt when I need you too then you’ll never be forgiven and you will lose me forever. I know, I’ll get hurt worse,just a little more should do the trick, then you’ll feel bad enough and you’ll love me and I’ll have control and be happy. It’ll work. You taught me well, your own tricks have got to work on you. It’s just going to take a little longer, I can do it but if I have to wait and the pain has to get greater I’ll need something to numb myself, not drinking that killed Dad. Hmm I’ll find something, I can do this, let’s try a few things out starting with men loving me, that always worked out for a while, until I find something better. Hurry up though mom, your gonna lose your chance to get me back very soon. I know you want to control me still. You could fix everything if u obeyed. Don’t give up and don’t notice my tricks. Last chance before I’ll be gone forever from your grasp. You’ll never get control back if you miss it. so don’t mess up. Hurry and don’t fail Do what I want without even knowing now or else.
Love hollow, just like you but not like you, Janece,
Dear adult Janece,
Well I tried my best but your just to disobedient. I think you might be poscessed by demons. It couldnt possibly be any failing on my part and God would never give me a daughter who would disobey me so blantantly. I’m to good of a Christian to deserve this. I followed the rules. Only God can fix the mess you are, I’m sending you to get the help you need. Janece your getting exercised of that evil inside you once and for all. We will save you yet. It just a shame you didn’t listen and obey, you would have been happy now and the devil would never have got inside your heart. I know best can’t you see by now? Only I can protect you. If you don’t have my protection you will only suffer more and more. Don’t bee foolish, stay with me and be safe always. God’s on my side now too and that must mean your wrong, see? Oh well I’m not holding my breath on you getting better if you don’t listen right now. Your bad and evil lives in you, only God can fix you because you’re so rotten. Go get exercised now! Then you will be good enough to come home so we can talk about what you do next. Such a shame, such a waste,I could have done great things with your potential. Always so difiant and disobedientl. I don’t know how you became so evil. What did you dad do to you? You’ve always been just like your Father and it seems you’ll die like him too if you don’t give up on that and come with me. Meet me at my house when youve been cleaned.
Love a disgusted woman of God
Dear Mary Sherman saint if smugness and pride,
You’re loving this aren’t you? I need help, I’m suffering and you never knew what could fix it did you? Now you are running out of fingers to point and this is where you turn? I must be poscessed by the devil himself I’m so vile and unwantable. I’m gross and broken. No one could ever want me because I’m unless.
Don’t worry no one would ever think this was your fault Mary. You are to wonderful and good and I’m so aweful only the devil could be responsible for the grostess thing I have become. Your. Hands are clean, you made sure, no worries.
Someone help me please …..
Love defeated lost evil Janece
Dear Janece the outcast,
Well I’m not surprised you didn’t listen and come to my home. You need my direction now. You’re getting worse and now you are on drugs? Silly girl you should have known better are you dumb? Of course you can’t stop you’re an addict, didn’t you know you could be? Are you stupid? Why would I need to warn you unless your stupid? You will surely becomr a junkie and die, unless you do as I say. I will help fix this mistake if you just give up control once and for all. We all watched it kill your Dad. Silly girl, nothing bad would have ever happened if you had obeyed me from the beginning. Did you learn your lesson and will let me fix this now? Come and obey. No? To prideful still, dinner as usual, no suprise. Sad, such a waste if you don’t listen. Won’t interrupt my life though. I’ve got plans, important things, better things than watching you implode. Let me know if you get yourself together and respectable, maybe I’ll let you come around. Till then you won’t see or be seen in this family, I promise I’ll make sure of that. No one will waste their time on you ever again. Your alone and free like you wanted, happy? See I give you what you want.
Love more righteous Mom
Dear Mom,
I found a man to love me, he wants to take care of me and fix me because he cares about me so much. He loves God, has a house, runs a business and so much more. He wants to marry me. Did I make you proud of me Mom? I’m clean now too, can we try to work it out? I miss my family. Your going to be so impressed with my new life. I’m going to be the best wife and step mom. I’ve never been more happy, its almost to good to be true! God must love me so much and I hope you will too Mom.
Your desperate daughter
Janece
Dear Janece
You can’t just say sorry and it makes everything better and we move on. You have to pay the price. Maybe in time if you can keep up your new life I can grow to trust you not to let me down. I do hope it’s different this time and you don’t end up embarrassing me like always. Show me you need me and let me guide you and everything will be ok. I know best and finally you will know that.
Love lery but hopefully mom
Dear Mom,
I’ve been trying to be what you told me to be, I am doing as you’ve told but I am messaging it up again. I guess there isn’t something wrong with me. Why won’t David love me? Why is he upset enough to need to drink in the morning till night? I don’t know how to make him happy Mom what should I do? How to I please him and do the right thing? I don’t want to be punished again Mom but I can’t get it right even when I want to and he hits me more and more. I’m bad I must be. Please Mama help me. I don’t want to be bad.
Out of control
Janece
Dear Janece,
It takes time to make right all the wrongs from your past. You must be patient. Don’t complain. Show him your grateful. Take care of him and survey him as God calls you to. He wants to have sex a lot Mom, even when I don’t want to. Don’t reject your husband owhen it comes to sex. Listen to me, I know men, they find appreciation and emotional satisfaction through acts of sex. It is your duty to give yourself to Him. Keep being obidient and all will be well.listen to me and listen to your husband. Don’t make this another disappointment for all of us.
Love this you
Mom
Dear Mom,
God must hate me as much as you and my husband do. I did everything you told me to and it didn’t work. It got worse. I’ve been beat up and raped in both ends, cheated on and lied to, worst of all my heart has been broken and my marriage has died. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it, how hard I tried. It wasn’t that I needed to listen to you or him.its me.it always has been. I’m what’s wrong and only I can make it right. I don’t know if I can or even want to fix this all or how I can begin. All I know is I’m still breathing and I’m going to fight will all my might to keep it that way.
Your endangered daughter
Janece
Dear Janece,
Another failure, sad really. This time you were hurt and it was not your fault, I’m sorry. You should have told me the truth so I could have controled things better but you messed it up again, disobedient, see what it gets you? You should know better by now, your grown. Pull yourself together quickly. You can stay with me for a short while but don’t push me.
Ashamed I couldn’t protect you
Mom
Dear God,
I don’t know where to go, what to do or how to fix this anymore. I’ve been all alone for so long. I’m out of options and ideas. I’m broken, beaten, tired and ashamed to even ask for help. I need a miracle. If you love me at all can you help me now? I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, I’m sorry I tired my way. Please I need you on my team. I fucked up bad. I’ll do anything just be here for me now. I’m trusting you like I never have anyone,your my last chance.
Love desperate Janece
Dear daughter Janece,
I’ve been waiting for a long time for this moment. I’ve been looking forward to it and preparing. I knew this day would come and you would let me love you like you were made to be loved. I can’t wait to fill your voids, make you whole and strong so you can be ready for your true purpose. This is wonderful. I love you so much, of course I forgive you, you need but ask, for anything. Together we will move the world towards love. I will show you a way so easy, your life will be filled with joy, peace and amazements. If you trust me and follow my lead it will be perfect but don’t worry if you get confused and it doesn’t, I’m always here to make it right again. youre my creation after all, even your mistakes are in my plans. That way we will never fail as long as we love one another. I can’t wait to give you my gifts and blessings, I’ve been holding on to them so long. It’s here now, are you ready? Don’t worry I’ll love you as I intended love to be and you’ll see in time how perfect it is. Then you’ll want to share it with everyone and giving love only returns it to you double! You can never lose with me see!? Love is infinite and expands forever,do you want to chase it together and invite everyone else along the way? I’ll protect you don’t worry, just stay close and don’t let go. We have so much to do. Time to get to work, you just relax and I’ll take care of you my daughter, rest now. I’m here and all is as it should be,rest,heal, regain, restore. I got you. I’m so happy your finally here.
Love your soul Dad
Dear earthy jaded Janece,
I’m very sorry to have to tell you this but you are done being in control. Things are going to change around here. My Soul Dad is in charge now and your going to listen or get lost. He loves me more then you ever did and he’s gonna fix everything you helped mess up. Me and Him are talking it from here. I’ve been resting and healing and I’m stronger then you know and will only get stronger because He’s training me. Things will be easier now. I’m sure you won’t like the change but I don’t care how uncomfortable it makes you,He loves me and I’ll do anything to show Him I love Him too. He saved me when I was dead so my life is His to use for good. Don’t worry He loves us both,real love,so nothing bad will happen, you’ll see. Maybe you won’t stay with us, that’s ok too. Whatever happens I know I’ll be fine. What we thought would work almost killed us mind body and soul so what do you have to lose? Trust me,and if not me,Him. It’s going to be amazing. Time to follow a new oatth, let’s go.
Love, the true and whole Janece
Dear Mom and Dad,
I grew up and figured out how to be an adult and wife despite no instructions given. Took some trial and error when I did it alone but I found a new parent in God and it’s been easy now. He showed me what love is supposed to be. You know all of us had it wrong the whole time, no wonder we were always disappointed. Things are pretty great now,as long as I let God lead and stay out of the way. You know that saying “knowledge is power?” Well it’s true, it’s so powerful humans shouldn’t even wield it, we should let God show us truth as he see we are ready to handle it, so we don’t get hurt.To bad we messed that choice up. Now only God’s love for us can fix things. I help a lot though, it’s what I’m made to do, help God and love Him. God makes so much beauty with love and it’s so cool to help Him do that if he needs me to. See I made mistakes and he was sad but to help me get better he tells me about people who are likely to make the same mistakes. He tells me what to share about me and not so that they best understand it as a warning for their lives. I look forward to the day I’m ready to do this for a kid of my own. One God let me barrow and protect, show them how to find Him on Earth and guide them in love. I know that’s what I’m training for now. I feel whole and things feel right. Don’t worry my kids won’t suffer like we all did. They will know what’s happened before and won’t wonder enough to make the same mistakes. Through love they will gain trust and everything else will be as it should. God is getting me ready. He told me his plan and showing me how to make it real. Me and Andrew and God are breaking the cycle our family has been stuck in with truth and others will see and follow. Things will grow and change forever. God is making me an amazing parent, wife, friend, person despite this hateful world and I know love now. Your suffering and mine wasn’t be for nothing, deep down I know the love is more amazing because of it. He also told me my kids will have great purpose and will change the world together. He’s teaching me so much more as well, like how to use every mistake to help others and grow love. He told me the secret is love is made to be infinite but we have to help Him to show the world. because they are trapped seeking power from withinin themselves and will never be satisfied,that endless chase keeps them blind to true love.. everything is changing now though, don’t worry. One day it’ll be perfect again, don’t give up! I almost did but there is hope, I can see it now. Your suffering and mine won’t be for nothing. We can use it to prevent more pain for us and others. Then God won’t be sad and neither will we. I don’t want the ones I love to be sad. I hope you see this like I do now and you see the truth that was always there in me but I didn’t know how to show you. I love you Mom and Dad.
I hope you met Him after you died Dad and your resting at his feet, happy and whole in mind and soul. Enjoying the loving family you never got to be with on Earth. Waiting for us to join your new family one day. Making love more infinite together.
I hope you get to know Him like I have Mom, he can be your dad or mom too. He won’t ever give you the silent treatment or be to busy or angry to love you. You’re always good enough because He made you. He can take over now if you let him, because I know your tired of trying to be in control of everything and everyone, mom. Don’t be afraid, you won’t get hurt He promised.
I hope you are both finding peace now in seeing what love is really, not being blinded by the perverted version of the sinful world. Love doesn’t act selfish or prideful, it’s slow to anger, love is patient, it’s kind and gentle, it’s righteous and can do only what’s right and good. I’m so sorry your parents didn’t know that and show you. You can leave behind the pain, fear, hurt and misery because those things can’t lead to love or be love. See that love didn’t escape you, it’s not unreachable for you because you fall short, see that you were mistaken all together in how to obtain it ort what to look for. You weren’t seeking love, only a conterfit, a flase replica, made to hurt you. It’s not your fault, nothing is wrong with you, you were doing what He made you to do. The Seeking and growing of love, it’s instinct to want it but you didn’t know how to get it or how to tell if it’s real. Let Him teach you. He made love,He is love, so He cannot hurt you and is the only way to truth. I am His perfect artwork because I let Him work on me, despite the world of chaos that birthed me and I seeked answers from for so long, He made me beautiful as He intended before sin. I hope you are healing from that war and letting God do the work we cant. God, Andrew and me are breaking our family curses, and healing old wounds, blood is covering the cost of generations of sin. He can do that with you too. It’s your choice, he gave us free will because that’s what makes love in the first place. The choice,the option to turn away and want the power for ourselves. That’s what makes choosing Love so amazing, wonderful, and beautiful and most of all infinite. Every time the choice to love (true love) is made it grows and makes more. You want to know how to get all this great stuff for yourself but still aren’t sure how? Well hear this. Give up control. Let him show you,listen and learn from knowledge Himself. You will be free because He will worry, work, figure out,do everything for you and find the best way, then He will tell you step by step how-to get there and get those treasures you want so bad. You just follow what you’ve learned from Him not the world or man. So far it’s worked out for me and countless others. I want you to be happy and feel love. I hope you gain peace and are free of worry, guilt and shame as I am, and
If nothing else know this: my children will be because God told me it’s his plan. Mom you don’t need your own power and control, it will hurt you the more you handle alone. Dad you are special, always were and God used you to grow love despite your time running short. I hope you see the painting we are part of and it’s beauty.
This will be our generations to come’s story, (God promised):
“Dear child,
God blessed me with an amazing gift when he gave us you. Don’t fear anything because God has been making us into the best parents you could have. He’s been working on it for lifetimes. We are going to love you so much and never stop, God gave us all the instructions to do it right, we will show you one day too. Anything you need we will always be here for you if we can but know that we are human and will make some mistakes but don’t worry there is a back up, Someone perfect who can’t mess up and is always there just for you, loving you and waiting for you to ask for help. God will never fail you, anything we can’t give you He can. He’s the parent of your soul. We will do our best to guide you and protect you until you go home to Him. We are excited to share the love we have with our God family with you, as the newest member. We can’t wait to see the purpose God has for your time here. I can give you a hint, I know it’s bigger than you can imagine because God told me how special you are. You mean a lot to Him and to us too. You’ve made love bigger in our lives, can’t wait to help you see it’s infinite.
God’s been preparing us for this our whole lives. One of us brought here through love and one of us brought through pain but both brought in the end to you, love and our purpose in our lives. I can’t wait to be with you through your journey to the truth and knowing the endlessness of love but for now, start in knowing that we love you and will never let you fail.
Love Mom and Dad and God”
So rest easy in heaven Dad and find peace for the rest of your days Mom because our God has made it all right. He showed me the truth. The one you both thought you knew was wrong but it’s not to late to learn..
He helped me heal, forgive and understand, when I found the truth and He wants you to find the same for yourself if you haven’t already. All is not lost or broken any more. You may not have seen it before but he had a big plan all along. Now your grandkids will never know our pain or feel unloved or lost. They will stand in knowing the truth of God’s love and we will teach them. You helped make that happen, I hope now, you will join in the glory and peace of our God’s accomplishments.
If you can’t find your way, I’ll try to show you(with some help from God, {I’ll pass on what he says}). I love you after all and I’ll always be here for you as best as I can(like you were for me best you could then) You helped me find my purpose and lead me to glory and happiness, despite our ignorance, pain and brokeness, in the past. Through the grace of God, he made it right. I want to thank you for your part in helping me see the way and finding love. I love you so much but God loves you more.
Today, I can honestly thank God for choosing you to be my parents. Bitterness has been replaced with truth and love. I see now. You were picked. He stood with me at the edge of heaven and said they are perfect for you Janece. Go and don’t be afraid because I love you and cherish you, just trust me. He knew and now I do too.
Love God’s daughter you got to barrow,
Janece
Do you connect with my story? Not sure or have questions? Just ask, you feel the urge to for a reason. Trust, surrender to something biggie than you and you will be more than restored. Believe me because it happened and I want you to have it too. If your afraid it’s okay but know that I come from a place of love. Real pure love is kind, selfless,patient, understanding, not prideful or jealous, does not find joy in wrong doing, doesn’t judge, it’s righteous. Lookup the meaning of these words if you have to. Once you understand it will be easier to trust. Contact me if I can help you connect with Love and God even a little, or with anything you need help with.
I took her (mother) to Rome for three days and in those three days she-
1, Told me “no wonder you are feeling hot wearing that
awful plastic jacket”.
2, I had to find taxi to every destination.
3, She accused the airport security of “taking her money”.
When she had spent it on sweets in the shop!
4, I had to organise and find every single cafe/restaurant
for ALL meals.
5, I had to book for ALL the sight seeing things we did
and organise how we would get there and back.
6, Flight left at 11.30am and rather than shower and
washer her hair the night before she INSISTED
that she would wake up early to take a shower.
This resulted in her putting EVERY light on in the hotel
room at 5.30am while she went to the shower. This
was SIX HOURS before our flight was due to leave!
7, She can’t have conversations with me (her daughter) as
she either talks non-stop about herself or says
NOTHING when I attempt to speak or will just speak
over me as if I don’t exist. To the point that I am able
to film her bizarre rants now using my phone and
because she is so UNAWARE of others she can’t even
notice me filming/recording her on my phone!
8, Told me what a fantastic, forgiving Christian she is and
how her friend Emma wouldn’t be able to cope if she
had been treated the way she had by her children.
But because my mother is such a FANTASTICALLY
caring Christian, she is able to “forgive” my sister
(My sister never done anything to her!). Yet, this
caring Christian women goes on a 10-20 min rant
slagging off every member of her immediate family
(Sisters, youngest child, husband, cousins).
9, I had to carry/drag all of the luggage she never offered
To help me, not even ounce. I even had to ASK her to
hold the hotel door open for me, as she would just
breeze through first and let it slam in my face!
10, She INSISTS that she hardly sleeps and only sleeps a
MAXIMUM of 3-4 hours a night. Yet EVERY night she
fell straight to sleep with no trouble! And would
have to be woken up by me the next morning! She
also fell asleep on the plane (insists she can’t sleep
on a plane) and fell asleep in the car!
11, Woke me up at 4am as she drank some water from a bottle on the night stand to ask me “why does the bottle make a noise when I drink from it?”
12, For our first meal in Rome her conversation starter
was this “Well I have decided that I want a do not
resuscitate order put in place” (she is 62 years old).
I just play her bluff now, so I said “ well that’s a very
personal choice, if that’s what you really want they
I will respect that and make sure it happens”. Her
Almost comical response was “ your father won’t let
It happen”. I reassured her that I would tell Dad that
when we spent time in Rome together you explained
that these were your wishes, and then Dad would
then follow them. Her response was “Oh I will have
to think about it more”.
13, I decided to purchase small gifts (fridge magnets) of
Rome for my sister, brother, other half, father and she
got all upset cos she then DECIDED AFTER I had
purchased them, that these were the EXACT gifts that
she had wanted to purchase! But now that I had
bought them, then she wasn’t going to buy ANYTHING
for them! (Her son, other daughter or husband).
14, The bed in the hotel had FOUR pillows I woke up in
the night with only one pillow. I asked her were the
other pillow was and she had THROWN my second
pillow out of the bed onto the floor!
15, EVERYDAY she would get up and spend 45min in the
bathroom and then would announce to me “I’m READY
to go now”. EVERYDAY I had to point out “that’s great,
but I haven’t been able to get into the bathroom yet”.
As, I washed my teeth and face and dressed she would
tell me “see I only take 15minutes to get ready”.
16, She never asked me a single question about
me, my children (her grandchildren) or my other
half whose mother only passed away last year of
cancer.
17, She told me, how hard she worked (she retired at 37
years old) and worked two doors away from her house
in her own business that had been left to her by my
grandfather. So, she was able to go in and leave
work as she pleased. She told me how poor she was (yet
she had TWO houses with no mortgages). She has
NEVER paid a mortgage as my grandfather bought
her a house and left her a house when he passed
away. I have worked FULL TIME as a teacher of
teenagers, since I was 21 years old. I also have two
Children (11 and 14) and I have ALWAYS worked
full time and my job is 45 minute car journey away.
Yet, she doesn’t even know what job I actually do, she
has always been unable to say what my occupation is.
She also doesn’t know the name of my Degree, or
even the subject area it’s in! She doesn’t know things
like my favourite colour, my favourite food, my
favourite drink. She doesn’t know because she NEVER
asked me! And whenever I speak she CANNOT hear me!
18, As, I drag/pull our luggage in the rain and I’m carrying a bag over my shoulder and with my other free hand I’m
holding my iPhone to read the google maps
directions to get to the taxi stand to catch our flight
home. She attempts to give me £20, saying that she
owes me £20 as I paid the tourist tax in the hotel for
us both. I ask her “can you hold on to the money until
we find a taxi, because I don’t want to have to put all
the luggage down to open up my purse to put the
money away cos it’s raining”. Her completely over the
top and abnormal response was this – she SCREAMED
at me in the middle of the street! And then started
shouting how difficult I was and asked me was I
always this difficult now. I asked her to stop shouting
and I made the dreadful mistake of saying “ I’m really
not being difficult, I carrying all of the luggage, I’m
trying to follow google map directions, I’m just asking
you to hold on to the money until we reach the taxi”.
Well, this sent her into a MELTDOWN! She started
manically laughing, saying that I wasn’t doing anything
that was hard to do and she could do everything that I
was doing”. And so I stopped walking and said “fine,
here’s the phone YOU find the taxi stand I will follow
you”. But of course, she can’t hear me now as she is
speaking/shouting over me, laughing at me, throwing
her arms up in the air telling me to “SMILE, SMILE, you
are always so stressed”. But this isn’t said in a caring
way, it’s done in a wicked way that causes hurt and
let’s me know that she doesn’t care about me at all.
As soon as we stepped into the taxi, she had complete
change of personality as was completely “normal”
this is because she NEVER abuses me in front of anyone!
It’s always done away from people she knows or
away from people she has to spend time with.
This is a sincere comment based on my own experience (with some similarities to yours). Your mother may be a narcissist (as you know) but also demonstrating the beginning of dementia. I’m not a doctor, but I would start asking her doctor to do a mental status assessment every year. Ask your father if he’s noticed memory loss.
It is like a battering ram from first breath to last with some. Huge self importance. I only wish that other fair adults could or would step in to warn spouses and family before children are born to narcissists.
Mateo, you have mommy issues! I suppose you resent parental authority! Your blog is a pile of bs.
Keep coming back!
Rho, you’re rude!
My mother is a narcissist. Throughout my childhood, I blamed myself for any negative feelings I had about her. I believed I was a “bad daughter”. I was literally the perfect child, only I never was a child. I started cleaning up her messes and covering for her at a young age. I was left alone with my siblings beginning at the age of 6. As soon as I could drive, the only thing I wanted to do was escape. Again, I was made to feel like I was selfish and a bad daughter. Only after I had my own children and she started pushing the same things onto them and making me feel like I would never be as good of a mother as she was, did I seek out counseling. I came very close to suffering a nervous breakdown when I was faced with the truth of who and what my mother was. Realizing that she had never wanted anything other than to see me fail, at everything. During our last conversation, I confronted her with many things and the only thing she could say was, “It just isn’t fair that everything you touch seems to turn to gold.” Nothing could have been farther from the truth, but I realized that she did not rejoice in the good things in my life and she obviously took joy in the things that happened that hurt me. That was 7 years ago and we haven’t spoken since. I am the oldest of 6 and only one of my siblings keeps in touch with me because my mother still controls the rest of them. Breaking away was not easy and really, has not gotten easier. But deep down, it is the only thing that gives me true peace. It was the only way to maintain boundaries and protect my children as well as myself from her games and attempts at sabotaging our lives and our relationships with each other.
I’m 47 and thanks to articles like this, am finally realising it was my father with all the problems, and not me, except for the ones he has given me. Thank you, for being a major step on my stairway to recovery. I’m beginning to hope that I may be free from the shadow of his damage , where once I believed I was eternally damned. Again, thank you.
Whether it is parents, friends or people in social or the workplace there are vampires playing out their monster roles freely. Somehow they get a scent of the other like animals hunting for just a kill or food . They instinctively know their targets and never wait to overpower their compulsiveness is amazing to get the kill! .
As someone who gave help within an industrial environment it was taken as a sign of weakness so this Wolfe felt he could do what he wanted And did. He and his likeminded friends destroyed the company and because the company was going eventually up ForSale went for the kill on info belonging to the new buyer. Being totally blamed having been released because someone modified two batches the verifiers as part of the group got a pardon . Costing me my reputation and my pension from 1975 to 1989 was a horrible loss . The point of this is we hear about families but we seem to forget a working unit is a family and if some decides to play the internal “Gestapo” good employees get hurt. The only positive outcome for me was to see what real monsters can be like or were always like that. who were looking for their own Hitler to get the dirty deeds and work done . Losing one’s pension is a horrible experience but the bottom line I felt the lies incoming for four months before and because they knew my mother was going blind and dying it allowed their knives to go in easier into me.
But in the end it took me to the edge to realize how once Vampires into Monsters can be and are They are everywhere and unless one is in tune with their hatred they will consume their prey with glad hearts of steel resolve. . This article above gives every reader affected a ring on the long ladder of negatives to align with their concern and relate in their own way and grab that rung to look inwards asking one’s self am I nowhere totally consumed and owned by one of them?
If yes, cut the ring immediately and let that horrible vile pieces of trash fall into the big garbage bin to be hauled away to be burned and destroyed because you are currently the fuel that feeds their perpetual internal fire . Be your own fire of progress and renewing self not jailed in their horrible jail of ownership.
Look carefully above and match the choices to get your own picture to now go an attack now then defend until you are eaten up by them and by your own self first .