Have you ever felt completely drained, depleted, and exhausted around a particular person, for no apparent reason?
If so, you may have come across an energy vampire.
And they’re more common than you think.
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Table of contents
What is an Energy Vampire?
An energy vampire is a person who feeds off your emotional or psychic energy. People who display energy vampire traits generally lack empathy, consideration, and/or emotional maturity. As a result of the pain or insecurity they feel inside, energy vampires are addicted to preying on the vitality of others as an attempt to heal their inner suffering.
Essentially, an energy vampire could be anyone such as a friend, family member, colleague, acquaintance, child, son or daughter, or even a romantic partner. If youโre a highly empathetic caring person, itโs also possible to actively attract energy vampires into your life. Unfortunately, if youโre a highly sensitive person who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, itโs quite likely that youโre already surrounded by energy vampires left, right, and center.
Energy vampires are attracted to you because they unconsciously desire to resolve a deeper problem within their psyches โ and they perceive YOU as the solution to their problems.
6 Energy Vampire Types

While itโs easy to feel resentful towards energy vampires, itโs important to remember that they havenโt developed the capacity to deal with their issues yet.
Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain. However, the important thing to remember is that you are NOT responsible for resolving their issues. THEY are responsible for sorting out their struggles.
Often, an energy vampire leaves us feeling so drained that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. As a result of constantly interacting with an energy vampire, we might feel chronically fatigued, depressed, anxious, irritable or angry.
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Itโs vital that you learn how to โdraw the lineโ and set boundaries around these types of people. Without learning how to identify the different types of energy vampires in your life, it can be difficult for you to practice self-nurturing and assertiveness.
Here are the six main energy vampire types out there:
1. The Victim or Martyr Vampire
Victim or Martyr Vampires prey off your guilt. Victims/Martyrs believe that they are โat the mercyโ of the world and suffer primarily due to other people. Instead of taking self-responsibility for their lives, Victim/Martyr Vampires continually blame, manipulate, and emotionally blackmail others. The dysfunctional behavior of the Victim/Martyr Vampire is due to their extremely low self-esteem. As their issues most likely stem from a lack of love, validation, and approval as children, Victim/Martyr Vampires feel fundamentally unworthy and unacceptable โ and they try to resolve this pain by underhandedly gaining sympathy/empathy from you by making you feel guilty.
How to nurture your energy: When youโre around a Victim/Martyr Vampire, be aware of their self-pity cues. For example, a self-pity cue could be the personโs tendency to blame another person for their suffering, or perhaps a description of how terrible their day has been. Donโt get involved in their self-pity. Limit your interaction with them if possible.
2. The Narcissist Vampire
A Narcissist Energy Vampire has no capacity to show empathy or genuine interest toward other people. Narcissist Vampires carry the unconscious philosophy of โME first, YOU second.โ Therefore, Narcissist Vampires will constantly expect you to put them first, feed their egos, and do what they say โ no matter what. Narcissist Vampires will also manipulate you with false charm, but will just as quickly turn around and stab you in the back when the fancy strikes them. If you have a Narcissist Vampire in your life, you might feel a sense of extreme disempowerment as you feel crushed beneath their limelight and self-absorption.
How to nurture your energy: If youโre unable to cut away this person from your life right now, try to limit contact. You could also show the Narcissistic Vampire how your requests satisfy their self-interest, particularly if youโre in a working relationship.
3. The Dominator Vampire
Dominator Vampires love to feel superior and like โalphaโ males or females. Due to their deep inner insecurities of being โweakโ or โwrongโ (and therefore hurt), Dominator Vampires must overcompensate by intimidating you. Often Dominator Vampires are loud-mouthed types of people who have rigid beliefs and black-and-white perceptions of the world. They are often racist, sexist, homophobic, and/or bigoted.
How to nurture your energy: Agree to disagree. Practice calm assertiveness when necessary and limit your contact with Dominator Vampires. Realize that their attempt to scare you is sourced from their deep fear of being dominated and thus hurt.
4. The Melodramatic Vampire
The Melodramatic Energy Vampire thrives on creating problems. Often, their need to create constant drama is the product of a dark underlying emptiness in their lives. Melodramatic Vampires also love seeking out crises because it gives them a reason to feel victimized (thus special and in need of love), an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and avoidance from lifeโs real issues. Another reason why Melodramatic Vampires enjoy creating drama is that the negative emotions that they feed off are addictive (such as anger).
How to nurture your energy: Refuse to take sides or be involved in the Melodramatic Vampire’s pot-stirring. Pay attention to the patterns in their behavior and the triggers that make you want to get involved. Create distance and remove them from your life if possible.
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5. The Judgmental Vampire
Due to their severely low self-worth, the Judgmental Energy Vampire loves to pick on other people. Their treatment of others is merely a reflection of how they treat themselves. Judgmental Vampires enjoy preying on your insecurities and bolstering their egos by making you feel small, pathetic, or ashamed.
How to nurture your energy: Remember that true self-worth must come from within. Refuse to take what the Judgmental Vampire says personally. Be aware of their deeper pain and their need to feel good about themselves. When you get defensive, you lose. Keep a balanced head, and try being sweet to them (that really throws them off balance!). Reduce, or cut off contact with them if possible.
6. The Innocent Vampire
Energy Vampires arenโt always malicious, as is the case with Innocent Vampires. Sometimes they can be helpless types of people who genuinely need help such as children or good friends who come to rely on you too much. Itโs wonderful to help those you care about, but itโs also important that you encourage them to be self-sufficient. Playing the role of the constant “rock” or support will eventually erode your energy. As a result, youโll have little energy to support yourself.
How to nurture your energy: Helping those in need is a display of compassion and love, but you also need to remember to love yourself. Gently remind the Innocent Vampire in your life that you need time to yourself as well. Encourage them to develop strength, fortitude, and resilience so that you can remove the role of constant caretaker or giver.
How to Identify the Energy Vampire
So how can you know whether you’re dealing with an energy vampire or not? You’ll likely experience feeling:
- Overwhelmed
- Stressed
- Physically ill (e.g., headaches, body aches, etc.)
- Mentally or physically exhausted
- Irritable and/or anxious
You may notice that most Energy Vampires display many of the following characteristics:
- Big ego, e.g., loves to debate, argue, and pick fights
- Aggressive or passive-aggressive tendencies
- Paranoia
- Resentment and anger issues
- Narcissism
- Melodramatic behavior
- Whining and complaining
- Bitching and gossiping
- Insecurity, e.g., the constant need for reassurance and acceptance.
- Manipulative behaviors, e.g., guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, etc.
- Jealousy
Energy vampires tend to take more than give. They use others for their own means without really considering how the other person is feeling.
It’s also important to understand that Energy Vampires are not always necessarily human beings. They can also be situations or even physical objects in your life. Examples include:
- The internet
- The TV
- Other electronic devices (e.g., the radio, mobile phone, etc.)
- Public situations (e.g., crowds, parties, train stations, shopping centers, etc.)
- Animals (e.g., neurotic pets)
When all is said and done, however, the hardest Energy Vampires to handle are those within your own family or friendship circle. How can we regain our vitality in such energy-sucking relationships?
10 Ways to Cope With Energy Vampires
Here are some empowering way to handle Energy Vampires:
1.ย Stop making prolonged eye-contact
One of the biggest energy absorbers out there is eye contact. The more eye-contact you make, the more you engage with the other person and what they have to say. Only occasional eye-contact is necessary with Energy Vampires, otherwise, you’re giving them direct access to one of your most precious and limited resources (energy).
2.ย Set a time limit
Your time is precious as well, and it’s not necessary for you to sit around for 1 or 2 hours having your energy zapped and brain numbed. According to your energy level, set a limit of 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes where you can give your focus to the person, and no more.
3.ย Learn not to react
This is crucial. The Energy Vampire feeds off your reactions, fueling them to continue interacting with you. It’s important for you to learn how to be neutral in your interactions with EV’s, meaning that you should carefully monitor how you feel and prevent yourself from expressing overly positive or negative emotions. Too much emotion will let them sink their fangs into you even more (it’s irresistible). Learning not to react is also known as the grey rock method in which you make yourself so boring and uninteresting that the other person loses interest in you.
4.ย Learn not to argue or contradict
Yes, it’s tempting, but in the long run, you can’t change other people unless they change themselves first. The more you resist them, the more they will resist (and drain) you.
5.ย Go with other people
Approaching the Energy Vampire with 1, 2 or 3 other people will provide a powerful buffer and reduce the amount of energy that will be drained from you. For this trick to work, you need to ensure that the additional people aren’t psychic leeches either.
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6.ย Listen more than talk
A lot of the time Energy Vampires simply want and need a listening ear. The more you talk, the more energy you tend to lose (especially if you’re introverted). Using short words/questions such as “why?” “when?” and “how?” will encourage the EV to do most of the talking, which in turn will help preserve your energy.
7.ย Try sticking to light-hearted topics
Your conversations don’t need to be depressive and oppressive. Take control when necessary and change the topic of conversation to something more light and simple.
8.ย Visualize
Many people claim that visualizing protective light/energy shields around them helps to deflect psychic fatigue, and maintain a neutral and calm state of mind. Try it some time and see how it impacts your mental and emotional wellbeing.
9.ย Avoid when possible
Although not always possible, avoiding the energy vampire is a simple and straightforward technique to assist in your self-preservation. I don’t recommend avoidance as a consistent solution, as the less you come in contact with the Vampire/s the less opportunity you’ll have to develop and put into practice useful and necessary life skills (like assertiveness and creating personal boundaries).
10.ย Cut off contact
This is the last resort. Sometimes for your own health and happiness, you need to make difficult decisions regarding who you choose to surround yourself with. In the end, if you continue to suffer, the best option may be to simply cut ties and move on.
Showing Compassion to Energy Vampires
Let’s face it: there’s a lot of harsh information out there condemning Energy Vampires. Yes, it’s true that they’re tiring, annoying, and sometimes clearly narcissistic โ but not all of them have bad intentions.
Sometimes, Energy Vampires are simply well-meaning and normal people who are overbearing and starved for love, affection, attention, and validation.
In fact, sometimesย weย may be Energy Vampires to other people without even knowing it!
So let’s be kind toward ourselves and others, but draw clear boundaries. There’s nothing more energy-draining than secretly hating or resenting a person. In the interest of our own vitality and wellbeing, let’s try to see beyond the immediate behavior and understand that most Energy Vampires are in some sort of pain. Why else would they desperately be seeking out others to unconsciously “feed off”?
What to Do if You’re the Energy Vampire
If people consistently complain that you’re too overwhelming, intense, demanding, or overbearing โ you might be moving into the Energy Vampire role.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to be hard on yourself. Sometimes stress, mental health issues, core wounds, and inner traumas cause us to behave in ways that repel other people unknowingly.
Here’s what to do if you’re the Energy Vampire:
- Spend some time thinking about how you interact with others. Do you give more than take? Do you allow others to talk about themselves? Is there equality in the conversation? If not, and if you find that you’re hogging most of the attention, find ways to show interest in others. Remember, people take more interest in you if you take more interest in them. Be curious and ask questions. Be open to learning something new about others.
- Practice self-care. Assess how you’re feeling during the day and tune into your emotional needs. Are you feeling stressed or lonely? Make a soothing cup of tea or cuddle a pet or loved one. See our self-care article for more in-depth guidance.
- Make self-love a philosophy and habit.ย While self-care is the practical side of things, self-love is the philosophical and emotional side of things. What is your relationship with yourself like? Do you treat yourself with self-respect and compassion? Or are you brutal and critical? The more love you can show toward yourself, the less you’ll need to desperately try to gain that from others. In fact, the more self-love you develop, the more others will enjoy spending time around you as they’ll sense that you don’t want toย takeย something from them, but instead simply want toย beย with them. See our guide on how to love yourself for more help.
- Reach out to a counselor or therapist. Energy Vampires often have a desperate need to be seen, heard, validated, and supported. The best place to do this in a healthy and constructive way (that focuses exclusively on you without being detrimental) is in a therapeutic setting. There is so much psychological guidance available these days that you have a plethora of options to choose from. If you can’t make it to a counselor physically you can always try having an online Skype session.
- Do some inner work. Other than self-love, it’s also important that you work to heal your inner child and embrace your shadow self (the dark side of your nature). Doing this kind of deep inner excavation will help you to get to the root of the wounds and beliefs that cause you to act as an Energy Vampire. Read more about inner work to get started.
Be gentle with yourself and understand that growing out of the Energy Vampire habit is a journey. With dedication and persistence, you will find ways to nourish yourself instead of trying to absorb that from others.
***
At a sub-atomic level, all that exists in life is composed of vibrating atoms or pure energy. Even incorporeal things such as our thoughts, emotions, instincts, and sexual drives can be said to be composed of energy. Thus, we live in an ocean of motion, and like in the ocean โ or any environment on earth for that matter โ there are both predators and prey.
If you find yourself slipping into the role ofย prey,ย just know that there are strategies you can use to set clear boundaries and protect your energy.
On the other hand, if you find yourself in the role ofย predatorย (or Energy Vampire), be gentle with yourself and understand that such behavior is a result of unresolved inner pain and the need to desperately be seen. You can develop self-love to counteract this.
What are your experiences with energy vampires? And if you’re an energy vampire, what do you think motivates your behavior? I’d love to hear below.
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I thought it was good to make good eye contact with people, with a smile?
With most people, yes, it’s a good idea. With an energy vampire … not so much. You can do it briefly at some point (if it feels right), but don’t make it consistent otherwise it will be a direct invitation for them to come in and start leeching off you. Create clear boundaries.
Being energy vampire is like being an addict. What motivates my behavior is fear . Im trying to undo all of this , commit to my life and be a better human. Recovering energy vampire.xo
Today, while reading this, it occured to me; why don’t I think about these examples as something that might happen to others, and that I should view this as a learning opportunity to know when people around me come across or describe someone who is an energy vampire. Up till now I would always read about EV’s, and consider encounters I personally have made. I think I have made progress!
I do know I have met someone who used the grey rock method on me. And that was no fun! I wanted to share exciting news or insights, but hearing “that’s interesting” didn’t fuel my interest in further sharing.
I was a victim for 15 yrs off and on . As of last week I have totally released her from her hold over me I have to delete her totally iff any conection
i also felt very confident, i was self reliant and did everything with love, cleaning, cooking, going to the gym, all was going well.. as they told me ”love yourself, do things out of love, you have everything inside yourself, take care etc.” and when i really start to follow this advice and really started to feel good, people don’t seem to like me so much anymore and say i’m being egoistic or they make me feel guilty when i am really in a joyful state? i do not understand it anymore and i don’t want to have this feeling of being attacked all the time, am i wrong? it surely is exhausting!
i guess i am turning into one.. last year i felt so amazingly good, i was alone with myself and felt very blissful, aligned, especially the sexual energy was flowing very well, a lot of sensuality.. i actually did not want to be around people because i was so happy in my solitude, every day i’d wake up feeling happy for no reason, dancing in my living room, i felt so free to walk outside, lightheartedly, wanted to do everything with love, smile at people, loads of energy and especially happy because i could get all of the energy from inside of myself.
in my blissfulness i found someone i was really attracted to, although the second time we met, i felt a really terrible contraction in my sacral chakra (or maybe solar plexus?) and soon and slowly enough i started to feel guilt, everything with him started to be very personal, all triggers, darkness, the feeling that i’m worthless, all kinds of things started to come up and my intention actually was just to give.. to be a giver because i felt so much love overflowing.. it felt unpersonal but i wanted to really make people feel good and share my light and now everything seems to be turned upside down, all is personal and feels too heavy, i do not know what is happening so that is why i chose to separate myself from the outside world for a while, not to interact because i do not want to create more chaos or misunderstanding, i also took some distance from this person, because i do not want to be this way!
i also felt very independent and free at that time, i was healthy, ate healthy, went to gym, walked a lot and did qigong, all because of curiousity and wanting to be really aligned with myself and not be around toxic people anymore. I don’t really know what i was doing wrong, because everybody always cheers to say ”take care of yourself, love yourself, find it within yourself’.. and when you really do and become self-reliant people don’t seem to like it so much? Or am i wrong?
From what I know about this, you surround yourself with the energy that youโre vibrating at. So if you were vibrating lower, thatโs who you were connecting with. This pertains more to people you choose to be around, not necessarily family. Once you change, those people arenโt used to your new energy and they find it strange. Itโs like you become a triangle amongst a group of circles. Tension could rise. And then you may attract people with your new energy. Once my energy started to shift my friendships did too. Iโm not sure if this makes sense for your circumstance but thought Iโd share.
You do appear a lot like one of my family who grew up with an Npd mother.
She works very hard spiritually -but it is actually a Defence and covers a lack of understanding of life.
So, it could be called projected Narcissism.
I would look into this further- with a good therapist, to save fruitless lone effort.
I can’t even tell my relative the truth for fear of hurting her more.
I wish you well in this.
I loved this article. Thank you for the info. I would like to know if one energy vampire can be a combination of these. I have a close family member who is a Victim or Martyr Vampire. They also enjoy Melodramatic , and Judgmental. Honestly they are a master of all three. Does there need to be a new category for that?
Wonderful article- recently I was doing a boat delivery – a voyage that took 10 weeks – boat owner aboard totally fits 5 out of 6 -24 /7 exposure- regardless of spiritual tools – negative energy depletes the light- brought me back maybe 20 years or beyond in terms of anger and coming out it traumatized – light & love divine ones!
I was a victim for 15 yrs off and on . As of last week I have totally released her from her hold over me I have to delete her totally iff any conection
I think itโs important, as youโve said, to avoid judging energy vampires. They are on their journey like me. We have all practiced vampirism at times, and likely will agin in times of distress.
I thought, also worth mentioning, is that some energy vampires can be a combination of the 6 types you mention. Just be aware. Be grounded. Practice good boundaries.
Thanks for your input James โ and I agree, we have all practiced vampirism at one point or another. It’s part of being a flawed human. Awareness and compassion are key, as are strong boundaries. I appreciate your comment. :)
wow!!! I have been surrounded all my life!!! Multitudes of them!! No wonder having such hard time now trying to regain energies.
All my life mother sucked at me. Took the life right out of me. Like nothing I could explain back them when I was little. Just had to get away from her and she told me I rejected her even as a little baby!!! The more I rejected her the more she pushed herself on me. As an adult I finally got tuned in to her being.That she was actually taking my life energy and leaving me dry and sick. I left home often and felt better but had to come back because she was sick and noone else could care for her or even wanted too!! It was all left to me! What a labor. Work and take care of her and my father who was coming close to his end. Then the relatives domineering sucking of life out of me. I was surrounded..Now I am depleted shell trying to regain strengths and build a life and it is incredibly difficult!!! I feel like the three men in the tub going around and around!!! another answer found. I know that I am currently deep inot inner work. This is hard and the path seems longer than I will be alive. But something drives me to continue.wishes and dreams and maybe I can have a life finally.
Thank you so much for tuning me into what has been a lifetime of vampirism from so many in my life. What a long hard road…there is os much more I would like to write to you but at this time I am so exhausted so totally laid out fatigued I can not focus as I wish to. But I will be back!
Wendy, I’m so sorry to hear of your pain and suffering around those who have sucked dry your life force energy. I hope you’re creating some strong personal boundaries and keeping such people at bay. This is a time where you need to take care of yourself โ because if you’re depleted, it’s hard to offer much to others or the world. Self-care is an important practice as well that will help you regain your energy rapidly. Take care of yourself <3
It is frightening how much I have attracted these people. My older sister is a narcissist , I had to give her up, several men….but now my 27 yr old son is really hurting me and wont go to counseling, former H addict on Methadone. Its tearing me up, if I have to put him out Im afraid he’ll end up back on that stuff. I cannot be ok about it. Im not coping well. Ive been v gd mother Im clear. I think its a sickness, but just loving him may be something I need to stop. I dont get it!
Andrea, it sounds like you may need to see a counselor/therapist for your own mental health and well-being. There’s only so much you can help or try to get others to do things and this is a tricky situation because it’s your son. So understandably you feel extremely stressed out. Please seek secondary advice, I think that will be tremendously beneficial for you.<3