“Attachment style? What the heck is that?”
If you’ve asked this question, you’ll be slightly relieved to know that attachment styles are pretty straightforward.
Essentially, there are four attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment. The attachment style you have will determine, for example:
- what type of partner you choose,
- how healthy the relationship will be,
- and whether your connection will withstand the test of time
We all bond with those we love in different ways. It’s important to understand that our attachment styles were largely a product of our upbringing – something we had absolutely no control over. So if you discover that you have an unhealthy attachment style, don’t fret. See it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, grow, and improve your life with those you love.
This attachment style quiz is based on a psychological theory developed by psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby in the 1980’s. The intention of this test is to offer food for thought and a springboard from which you can do your own research. This test is not meant to make a psychological diagnosis, it is simply meant to offer the most likely answer. Please obtain professional analysis and support if you need more guidance. There are many licensed relationship therapists, counselors, and psychologists out there who can offer this service.
Lisa
November 19, 2018 at 15:30I was just telling someone this is how I am in a “relationship”. I have abandonment issues (among other things, lol!) and my last relationship didn’t help at all; however, I have come to realize this and take the necessary steps to heal myself. The “relationship” I am involved in now is so complicated as I am dealing with a narcissist but not the kind who enjoys or even knows that he is. Anyhoo, taking this test helped me immensely as I now have some tools that will help on my path to rediscovering and proudly sharing the true beauty of my heart and soul and self. So thank you! I am truly looking forward to learning more because I believe that nothing changes if nothing changes and I’m not getting any younger, lol! Thanks again and Happy Thanksgiving! God bless you!
Cheryl
November 11, 2018 at 10:32I’m in the secure attachment.. but I broke up with my partner anw
Atiya khondaker
November 8, 2018 at 22:04Life digg more , who knws wht mirecales u create
PlaittyWaves
November 8, 2018 at 21:10I used to have the anxious-preoccupied attachment style, but now have the secure attachment. Thought it would take years to change my attachment style, but I don’t even know what I did to change it! Definitely a good idea to work on becoming more securely attached (everyone should be able to be in a healthy relationship), but it doesn’t necessarily take years, which is what I heard somewhere else. I used to be most anxious-preoccupied ever, and think it can affect so much of your life (mental health issues etc). The thing about being anxious-preoccupied is you want to be in a relationship more than anything, but can easily end up with people who treat you badly. I used to be in a relationship with a very narcissistic boyfriend who was emotionally abusive, but now I’m with someone trustworthy and caring, my attachment style has changed. Saying that, you probably don’t need to be in a relationship to become securely attached later in life though, I don’t know. I’ve heard there are things you can work on when you’re not in a relationship as well <3
Keda
November 6, 2018 at 04:36Fearful-Avoidant attachment. Just as I suspected. I am certainly not out of the forest, yet…
Mateo Sol
November 6, 2018 at 07:07It’s a slow journey Keda but with the right partner, relationships are powerful vehicles of personal growth :)
Keda
November 8, 2018 at 10:58I am torn between wanting to feel the bliss of falling asleep in the arms of a person and being completely relaxed and safe in his/her arms and the fear of getting attached to someone and hurting like hell when death or something else (a word I might say, something odd I may do, etc.) will take them away from me. I just broke up with someone I really loved (I even thought he was my twin flame) because he didn’t pay attention to me consistantly. As much as I feel I did the right thing, it still hurt because I really thought he was the one the Universe had granted me as a sort of reward for better connecting with my soul…Why must people always hurt me or leave me or not be that much into me? :’-(
Mateo Sol
November 8, 2018 at 14:16“Why must people always hurt me or leave me or not be that much into me? :’-(” This belief about yourself here is a dangerous one to hold because until we can completely learn to enjoy our own company, entering a relationship with any type of deep self esteem wounds can result in the demise of the relationship as can be exemplified by your previous relationships “because he didn’t pay attention to me consistantly”. This is why I don’t recommend anyone use the ‘twin flame’ labels lightly because in the wrong hands they can result in added pressure to the relationship “this is my true love, it’s the only shot I get and if it’s gone I’ll suffer endlessly”. Focus on self love, that’s the best path for you at this time (we cover it a lot throughout our work).
Keda
November 10, 2018 at 13:29Well…I did try to enjoy my company, alone. And most of the time, it’s okay. But dammit, I am a human and I need some love! I can’t stand not having loving arms around me every once in a while…I’ve suffered enough through my teenagehood, so, I just want to throw those Lonerwolf principles out the window and jump into the first arms I find…Even though I know it’s un-wise…But I just want to rest in someone’s arms and never get out of here…I know life isn’t like this and I must face my own shadows and stuff…(And I did do this exercise frequently in the past)…But…Damn it to hell…I am human…and I need to just feel safe in someone else’s arms every once in a while…I can soothe myself very well by allowing my motherly side (persona) to pamper me…But…it just isn’t the same as hearing those soothing words I tell myself…from the mouth of someone else…Because…Well…I could go on being alone forever and relatively surviving…But…I don’t want to survive…to go through life as if I am worth just the bare minimum to other people…I want to truly feel what it’s like to be loved by someone…as best as that person can…And to just…feel completely safe in someone else’s arms…I don’t want to just survive, anymore…I want to live…And if my soul is calling out to mingle with a fetish group for that…Then…I’ll follow that call…