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» Home » Resisting The Path

How to Let Go of Resentment: 5 Ways to Find Peace

by Aletheia Luna · Updated: Apr 2, 2025 · 50 Comments

Image of an angry man in a dissociated state who needs to learn how to let go of resentment for his peace of mind
How to let go of resentment image

It eats away at you little by little and fills you with disgust, annoyance, and bitterness. It’s a cancer of the heart that drains your energy and destroys your happiness.

What I’m talking about is resentment, and we’ve all experienced it before. 

Unlike fairly straightforward emotions like hatred or anger, resentment is a combination of multiple feelings.


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The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines resentment as “A feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.”

Others have described resentment as a combination of disappointment, disgust, and anger.

Overall, resentment is a soul-sucking emotion that can easily lead us to feel burdened, exhausted, and fed up.

If you find yourself wanting to learn how to let go of resentment in your life, let me offer you a path forward in this article through some simple soul searching methods.

Our Self-Love Journal can also help you to transmute this energy if you’d like to go a little deeper.

Table of contents

  • What Causes Resentment?
  • 9 Signs You’re Experiencing Resentment
  • Why Resentment Can Be a Good Thing (3 Reasons)
  • How to Let Go of Resentment: 5 Ways to Find Peace
    • 1. Identify the story of “how things should have gone” and release it
    • 2. Understand that people are operating from different levels of awareness
    • 3. Be mindful of any unrealistic expectations you might have
    • 4. Remember that hurt people hurt people
    • 5. Self-compassion leads to the capacity to forgive

What Causes Resentment?

Picture of two people facing each other experiencing resentment

Resentment is a feeling that rarely happens out of the blue after one isolated situation. Instead, this is an experience that is accumulative and builds up over time.

Here are some experiences that can trigger feelings of resentment if they occur frequently enough:


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  • Ongoing marital or relationship issues
  • Discrimination based on race, gender, sexuality, identity, religion, etc.
  • Being consistently overlooked and unappreciated
  • Being taken for granted
  • Not being listened to properly
  • Not feeling truly seen or validated
  • Having people consistently break your trust
  • Being taken advantage of or abused
  • Interactions with people who don’t respect your time or energy
  • Feeling patronized or put down 
  • Not having your high expectations met

Can you identify with any of these causes of resentment?

Sometimes intense cases of resentment can trigger and existential crisis or even existential depression.

9 Signs You’re Experiencing Resentment

Image of a mannequin on fire symbolic of the need to learn how to let go of resentment

As I said previously, resentment is a complex emotion with many layers. So, how can you tell whether you’re experiencing it in your life? Here are some common signs:

  • Having ill will toward another (e.g., desire to see them suffer in some way)
  • Frustration
  • Disgust
  • Tension or heat/coldness in your body
  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Anger
  • Rumination on the person’s misdeeds and how much you dislike them
  • Uneasiness
  • Feeling empty, constricted or blocked inside

Do you have any other signs to add?

Why Resentment Can Be a Good Thing (3 Reasons)

Image of a spiky cactus symbolic of resentment

I’ve experienced resentment quite a few times in my life (including fairly recently), and I’ve learned a few things about it, for instance:

  1. Resentment is a leech of life force energy.
  2. Resentment is often a defense mechanism in disguise.
  3. Resentment can be a good thing.

Let me explain what I mean by each of these points.

Firstly, it’s pretty clear that resentment is an inner leech of vitality. It takes a lot of life force energy to hold on to tight and constricted feelings of anger, disgust, and frustration. 

While it’s normal to feel resentment at times, if we’re in this space for too long, it can feel depleting on every level of our being, leading to emotional burnout and even depression.

Secondly, resentment is often a defense mechanism in disguise because it helps us to avoid certain uncomfortable feelings. In reality, it can feel much easier to resent someone than to process the feelings of abandonment, betrayal, or grief that they trigger within us. 

In this way, resentment can protect us from feeling deeper emotions that may be too difficult to process at the time. However, eventually, we’ve got to peel away the resentful feelings and see what’s underneath, especially if we have trouble learning how to let go of resentment. Practicing self-love and shadow work together can help you to explore these buried feelings.

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Finally, resentment can be a good thing. I know that might sound crazy, so hear me out!

Resentment can be a good thing because it alerts us to our unmet needs, defines what we do and don’t like, and helps us to set in place boundaries that protect our well-being. Feeling resentful toward someone for a long period of time also alerts us to negative behaviors shown by others, like narcissism, helping us avoid engaging with these toxic types of people in the future.

Ultimately, resentment is two-sided: It can be both a protector and an assaulter within our minds and hearts. And if we don’t learn how to let go of resentment, it can fester away as part of our shadow self, becoming an internal energy vampire that robs us of the ability to heal, move on, and find joy.

How to Let Go of Resentment: 5 Ways to Find Peace

Image of the sun breaking through dark clouds

There are many different ways of going about releasing resentment. Here are some varied approaches that I hope you find helpful:

1. Identify the story of “how things should have gone” and release it

Image of a snake slithering down a person's arm symbolic of how to let go of resentment

In the words of writer and teacher Scott Kiloby,

Resentment occurs when thought approaches a situation with a preconception about how it is supposed to turn out. When it turns out differently, thought then blames the situation and the people involved. But the cause of resentment is never “out there.” Resentment results directly from replaying and identifying with the mental and emotional story surrounding past situations in which your expectations were not met. In this dream of thought, people are supposed to do what you expect them to do. This is not reality. It is a self-centered mental and emotional story which – if repeatedly played – places ‘you and your resentment’ at the center of life.

When we argue against reality, against what has actually happened, and demand that it should have been different, we suffer. We lose the argument 100% of the time because what happened, happened. As the wise expression goes, “It is what it is.”

Getting stuck ruminating on the past only leads to bitterness, disappointment, and grief. Why not identify the story of “how things should have gone” and release it?

Some examples of these “should” stories are, “He should have listened to me more and been more grateful for all that I did for him and the kids,” “She should have given me that promotion and not ignored all that I’ve done for the company,” “They should have raised me in a more healthy and well-adjusted way,” and so on.

Yes, it would have been nice if things were different, but they weren’t. Accept the way things are, let go of the story, and move on – you’ll feel more empowered that way.

2. Understand that people are operating from different levels of awareness

Image of a crocodile's eye

This approach to learning how to let go of resentment has been of great help to me. 

At one point in life, before I understood the basics of psychological development, I was under the impression that everyone was essentially the same inside. I believed that those who acted out were 100% “nasty” or “evil people,” and those who were kind were nice and good people. But it’s not that simplistic or black-and-white.

As I expanded my understanding of the mind, I learned that there is such a thing as emotional intelligence, hierarchies of needs, personality types, attachment styles, and stages of psychosocial development. I discovered that some people might appear to be adults on the surface, but deep inside, they are stuck in the mental or emotional landscape of a 10-year-old child.

Why is it, for example, that some 20-year-olds seem mature beyond their years and some 70-year-olds behave like immature children? Why is it that some people seem to be old souls, and others seem to be young souls?

This dawning awareness led me to understand that everything is doing the best they can from their level of awareness.

In fact, this understanding has become a kind of subconscious philosophy of mine, and I hope it can help you as well.


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Next time you come across the person who triggers resentment in you, ask yourself, “What level of awareness is this person operating from?” or “What is the inner age of this person I’m talking to right now?” 

These questions aren’t meant to be misused as a way of inflating your ego or promoting a superiority complex. Instead, they’re meant to help you gain a different vantage point.

3. Be mindful of any unrealistic expectations you might have

Image of a solitary person in a dark landscape thinking

If you’ve been wounded in life, which most of us have, it’s normal to have unrealistically high expectations of others at times. 

This tendency to hold unrealistic standards comes from the inner perfectionist part that wants everything and everyone to match an inner ideal and thus feel predictable, dependable, and safe.

Some examples of unrealistic expectations are the following:

  • Expecting that someone should 100% be on time
  • Expecting that someone should always answer your messages within one hour
  • Expecting that someone should be mentally or emotionally available to you all the time
  • Expecting that your romantic relationship should always feel easy, fun, and sexy
  • Expecting that your coworker should always greet you
  • Expecting that someone should always make you feel good about yourself

The reality is that life is complex, and so are people. It’s normal, for example, for someone to have a bad day and to not be emotionally available to you. It’s okay if someone is late for an appointment with you – that doesn’t necessarily mean that they disrespect you or your time.

Sometimes, resentment is a knee-jerk reaction that is based on unrealistic expectations. So, have a look at what you expect from others. 

Do you carry an inner perfectionist who’s demanding something from others that’s too much pressure for them to uphold?

Do you have high ideals that, if not met, result in you feeling angry and disappointed?

Do you expect to feel one positive way 100% of the time?

If so, you need to reassess your expectations and cut yourself and others some slack.

4. Remember that hurt people hurt people

Drawing of a wounded person reflecting

When someone has clearly mistreated you and done so on an ongoing basis, it’s normal to feel resentful toward them.

At the same time, we have also to ask, “Why does this person behave this way?”

The simple answer is that hurt people hurt people. In other words, people who have unresolved traumas often struggle with self-loathing, have wounded inner children, and a big shadow self, and therefore will be more likely to harm those around them, usually unintentionally or automatically.

“But we all have trauma! I have trauma. That doesn’t excuse their behavior?” you might point out. And it’s true; having trauma doesn’t excuse a person’s behavior. But it does help us understand where they’re coming from. 

Dark Night of the Soul Test image

Also, no one shares the exact same kind of trauma. Trauma comes in many different shapes and sizes. Trauma exists on a spectrum. Your trauma might cause you to play the victim, while someone else’s trauma might cause them to play the perpetrator. 

When resentment fills you, shift your focus a little. This approach can help you to move from thinking, “Gee, I hate that person,” to “Gee, that person must have been through some heavy shit to treat me that way.” 

In the words of Eckhart Tolle,

Compassion arises when you recognize that all are suffering from the same sickness of the mind, some more acutely than others … The mind-identified state is severely dysfunctional. It is a form of insanity. Almost everyone is suffering from this illness in varying degrees. The moment you realize this, there can be no more resentment. How can you resent someone’s illness? The only appropriate response is compassion.

5. Self-compassion leads to the capacity to forgive

Image of a person with a hand over their heart practicing self-love and compassion

Struggling with chronic resentment can make us feel pretty rotten about ourselves, others, and the world around us. It’s an emotion that triggers pain inside and taints our worldview.

Practicing self-compassion can help you to accept that, yes, you feel resentful, but that’s okay. It doesn’t have to define you. Instead, it’s just a normal reaction to what you’ve experienced. And the more you learn to practice self-love and compassion, the easier you’ll find it to forgive others and let go.

Note that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what the person has done or letting yourself be hurt again. Instead, forgiveness means letting go of the role of being a victim of someone else’s behavior and any negative emotions associated with it. 

Ultimately, forgiveness is more a practice of self-liberation than anything else; it frees you to move on with your life and not be controlled and entrapped by feelings of resentment and hatred.

Here are some guides that can help you get started with the practice of self-compassion:

  • Self-Love: 23 Ways to Become a Doctor of the Soul
  • 39 Self-Care Ideas For Those Who Struggle With Self-Love
  • Self-Love Journal – for guided practical support

***

As the common saying goes, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

While resentment can be helpful in the sense that it initially protects us, if we attach to it too long, we start to slowly self-implode.

I hope the guidance in this article has served you well. Please take a moment to comment and share what about this guide has helped you and whether you have any other tips on how to let go of resentment. You never know who you might help!

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About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, educator, and intuitive guide whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

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  1. Courtney says

    September 26, 2023 at 9:28 pm

    As always, this article comes at the perfect time for me. I am in process of letting go of working for someone in a resentful situation of emotional immaturity (including myself when triggered!) and embracing my passion of working for myself. Thank you for what you do and how you touch our lives.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:03 pm

      What a beautiful comment that touches my heart. Thank you Courtney for your honesty and sincerity 💗

      Reply
  2. Sissy says

    September 26, 2023 at 2:45 pm

    Like many of your offerings, this was such a timely post for me, and reiterated what I really already knew (or have come to realise) Sometimes for me its easier to have that compassion for strangers – that awareness/knowing of our non-dualistic natures – than it is to apply the same principles when dealing with those closest to me. I suppose it’s sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees in our everyday relationships! Thankyou 🙏🏼

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:11 pm

      Sometimes for me its easier to have that compassion for strangers – that awareness/knowing of our non-dualistic natures – than it is to apply the same principles when dealing with those closest to me.

      Oh yes, absolutely! This is a common experience, so you’re certainly not alone Sissy, I experience it too. To me, our true path really dwells with those we are closest to or have most regular contact with. It’s easy to feel like a saint around strangers but much less so with our family members. THAT’S where the true work and test of our inner soul work shines. Lots of love 💖

      Reply
  3. Alexandra says

    September 26, 2023 at 5:18 am

    Hello Aletheia,
    This dive into resentment comes with divine timing and light. Thank you so much for your guidance. Your word are so just. As awareness now shines the light on my shadow Dragon (angry protective of my Heart, Inner Child, Empress)… I know that I shall gently tame him with selfcompassion to soothe from the past deceptions, pain.

    I think it is overdue to let go of those feelings now that I see my own resentment is becoming toxic. My spouse is reacting from his own story, trauma, limits, and while I am voicing my expectation on past (hurt) story, I am triggering his deep fears and coping mechanisms.

    I have expressed my discontent enough, too many times it seems, creating confrontation, but not creating reparation as I would have liked as I allow myself to be vulnerable, and hurt. And maybe that will never come. This is where I shall let go of the story, otherwise I realize I insist in putting myself as a victim. Growth has to happen here for me. He might too, without pressure from me.

    Yet it is hard for me to decide whether I can accept the other person’s limits or personality, and lower my expectation. Isn’t that the flip coin of the perfectionist? I tell myself, I don’t feel seen and loved like I need to. But now I ask, do I give the love that I would want to receive? My awareness increases. And perspective.

    Your text is an excellent reminder of how we expect from others, and hidden needs. The awareness of understanding where the other might come from, and having self compassion for our pain… and respect at the same time. This is great wisdom and demands for courage. I am hopefull that healing will shine on.

    I will also be reintegrating the practice of Ho’oponopono prayer, the Hawaian 4 pillars prayer asking for and receiving forgiveness and giving love and thanks.

    Thank you again Aletheia

    Alexandra

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Alexandra,
      I think the Ho’oponopono prayer is a beautiful idea, especially to help you find more balance in your relationship. You cannot take responsibility for other people’s growth or behavior, but you can take responsibility for your own. Others will only change if the impetus comes from within them, and we cannot force others to change no matter how close we are to them. Wishing you clarity and joy 🕯️❤️

      Reply
  4. Lorraine says

    September 26, 2023 at 1:47 am

    Lately, I had been grappling with past resentments..This was so helpful, and came at the perfect time..Thank you..

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:09 pm

      Beautiful 💜

      Reply
  5. Xen X says

    September 26, 2023 at 1:47 am

    You can see and deal with things on an earthly level, which is limited. You could, but then but it results in conflict sometimes with no where else to go.
    Sing and dealing with things on a spiritual level is more open.
    Not saying one is more right than the other.
    Just saying.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:09 pm

      I’m not sure I quite understand you, Xen?

      Reply
  6. Lala says

    September 26, 2023 at 12:14 am

    This was wonderful, thank you. Resentment is good as it helps me know what I deserve as you say but it is so sad and painful to carry. It makes loving so much harder. It also does make mean and abusive people less scary thinking “they are mean to me because they having many traumas and wounds” as it help me realise its their problem not mines

    I guess yeah letting go of expectations is key but it is also difficult too

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:09 pm

      Thank you for sharing this Lala 💖

      Reply
  7. Mandy says

    September 25, 2023 at 10:50 pm

    There are whole nations out there or big areas with unsolved problems such above-
    How could we heal something like madness in large scale.?
    There’s have to reinvent justice, health,education etc., and invest to that.
    These are the next steps of healing.
    My e-mail is elinors813 (at) gmail.com.

    Reply
  8. Sue Wright says

    September 25, 2023 at 2:52 pm

    Thank you for your thought-provoking article. I have one stumbling block….my husband’s 41-year-old son is a narcissist and has treated both of us appallingly. Our answer has been to go “ no contact” and that is the best strategy for dealing with his abuse. So….my stumbling block is that the narcissistic son is also a child abuser who seems able to evade the legal consequences of his actions. In 2018 he faced charges for the sexual abuse of 5 very young girls. His extended family paid for a barrister whose forte is keeping paedophiles in the community. My resentment against the narcissist and the family is boundless. I CANNOT feel compassion for him or them. They are destroying young lives. There are many more than 5 girls involved, but the others were too afraid to testify.

    Reply
    • Mandy says

      September 25, 2023 at 10:54 pm

      I totally agree with you at legal actions and consequences part.

      Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 27, 2023 at 4:07 pm

      That sounds completely justified Sue. With time resentment may or may not lessen, that’s really up to life and your own inner workings. I hope he finds justice and the girls find the deepest possible healing.

      Reply
  9. Mason says

    September 24, 2023 at 10:13 am

    The bubbles of loved one’s egos are always inflating, imploding, drawing in and building up again like bubbles in a stream, like all of ours do. Words and looks aren’t always necessary for a sensitive to feel it, and perhaps even take on the pain of it. In a nutshell, it bothers me, and I fully intend to contrive some solace in whatever form moulds to the way things go. Seek healthy surrender and fail better.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 24, 2023 at 4:15 pm

      “Seek healthy surrender and fail better” — I like it. Sounds like a wise plan, Mason :)

      Reply
      • Mason says

        September 25, 2023 at 7:28 am

        Thank you. Since I have that encouragement, I would like to add, this problem is a case of excessive manipura when it comes to the forefront. There will be (and has been) a benefit therein to distance myself from others and consider who I am alone and what I want to achieve.

        Reply
        • Mason says

          September 26, 2023 at 5:25 am

          Pfft. Amazing. All this theorizing and pontificating, and a bit of sincere effort reversed the problem spectacularly, in the end.

          Reply
          • Aletheia Luna says

            September 27, 2023 at 4:16 pm

            Nice! :)

  10. Jamiel says

    September 23, 2023 at 4:00 am

    Great article!! :)

    Can we do this with Narcissists? I find it very very hard to do this with my covert narcissistic mother who I am still living with. I plan to leave by the end of the year.

    I feel like i might have hatred towards her. I loved her so much until I found out the truth and the abuse I went through as things started making more sense. I am worried that having resentment (not sure if it is hatred tbh) is not a good thing making me weaker and more sick. I think I should love her. I don’t know. I feel too much betrayal to love her anymore. Its really hard. and my heart has closes up. I feel that if I love her and have compassion while under her roof I will be unsafe and more easily manipulated. I don’t want to be vulnerable around her. This might sound silly but it comaes from fear. Fear of being hurt and harmed further. So I pratice grey rocking.

    What should one do besides leaving in this situation? What can I do for healing until leave?

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 24, 2023 at 4:32 pm

      Hi Jamiel,
      Yes, you can apply this to narcissistic relationships to a certain extent, but you’ll find it much easier when you create physical and mental/emotional distance from them. As you say, it can feel too unsafe to let go of resentment when you’re dealing with them as resentment can be a protective mechanism. So it can actually be unwise to let go of this defence barrier — but you CAN learn to channel and release it through various methods so it doesn’t built up too much.

      Having lived under the roof of a narcissist before, I know how toxic and twisted this kind of environment and connection can be. So well done for listening to your own instincts when it comes to applying the advice in this article. :)

      Grey rocking is a great method, as well as ensuring that you maintain physical, mental and emotional boundaries as much as you can to attend to your own needs. Building a life outside of your mum and the house environment (even in secret) will also be of great support, as well as creative expression of your hatred/resentment through music, painting, writing, or some other means.

      A lot of the guidance in this article can help you gain a new vantage point, but that doesn’t mean you are justifying the person’s behavior just because you see, for example, that they’re operating from a place of trauma and pain. I’ve learned through regularly dealing with a narcissist that dislike is much easier to carry than resentment. I can still strongly dislike such a person, without actively wishing them harm or ruminating on how much I detest them. So shifting from resentment to dislike has also been of great help to me (it’s much less internally draining), and the points in this article have shared how I’ve managed to make that inner shift.

      I hope this helps. Wishing you strength, clarity, healing, and joy ☀️

      Reply
      • Jamiel says

        September 24, 2023 at 11:38 pm

        I like that what you said about turning from resentment to “strong dislike”. That still creates that solid and honest boundary between us and the narc with feelings. Thank you for that guidance. :)

        I will have to revisit the article and see also about channeling my anger, rage and hatred as well as grief into other outlets that are safe. I have a new blog btw now and I might speak about this. And my new blog could be a great way to do that on occasion.

        I have wished her to pass away naturally so I know longer have to deal with her and the webs she has made in my life to control me and create illusions. It feels weird to wish that for a loved one or anyone really but I find that other survivors have similar feelings and complicated grief from it. They want to be relieved of the burden of that parent or person and still grieve the loss of what they thought they had. That is a very, very painful reality to process.

        Thank you for the prayers and wishes. And please do support my blog and share it around too. More content to come soon. I am such a novice at it and I plan to upgrade since I get the hang of it and how they really work. So much learning for sure.

        Would you like me to give you the link for it? If you are interested, that is.

        Peace. 🙏💚

        Reply
        • Aletheia Luna says

          September 27, 2023 at 4:04 pm

          Thanks for sharing Jamiel, and sure thing, feel free to share a link :)

          Reply
          • Jamiel says

            September 28, 2023 at 6:17 am

            Thanks for the support! :)

      • Jamiel says

        September 29, 2023 at 3:59 am

        Aletheia, A little off topic for this post but there is some connection. Have you read or heard about this (book/philosophy)? I am trying to decide if it is a good book and path to follow.

        https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1247166.The_Undefended_Self

        I have it but just looking to see if you and Mateo or anyone else here thinks it is grounded and in line with Lonerwolf values and philosophy . :)

        Reply
    • Chris says

      September 25, 2023 at 6:03 am

      Hi Jamiel, Ross Rosenberg has a huge amount of videos on YouTube re your situation. He’s an expert Psychoanalyst on Narcissism, author & trainer. I highly recommend him to find ways on dealing with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

      Reply
      • Jamiel says

        September 25, 2023 at 7:05 am

        Thanks Chris!! He looks really good. Subscribed to his channel. Appreciated :)

        Reply
    • Veronica says

      September 26, 2023 at 4:15 am

      When it came to me finally opening my eyes and no longer keeping myself in denial it boiled down to realizing and accepting they were traumatized too. Trauma doesn’t just end it’s passed down from generation to generation unfortunately. Well until someone takes a stand and ends it. While my parents did and allowed unspeakable things to happen to me I can feel pain for whatever it was they experienced which molded them to do and allow those things. Remember children learn what they live. It doesn’t make it right but those were their lessons. I’m grateful to be on my healing journey and my heart breaks they never got to start theirs. I am by no means saying take the abuse. Do what you can and must to be safe! I am saying try to hold some compassion and empathy for what they experienced. It’s the only thing which gave me the ability to let go. Yes it still hurts. However now not as much because I know it wasn’t personal even though it sure felt that way. No different than I use to see someone having a full on meltdown on a poor cashier. I would think what an azzhole. Sometimes that they are yet others it’s a poor soul that doesn’t know coping skills or effective communication and they’re losing their mind. Hope that helps

      Reply
    • Nancy says

      September 26, 2023 at 9:08 am

      Been there. My “mother” is dead now. I felt nothing but relief when she died. (I had even prayed to God for a good, swift, painless death for her after my father died. It did no good. She lasted another four years, until age 94, and died of pancreatic cancer.) I tried to love her—and to get her to love me—for more than 50 years. All my love and my attempts to understand and sympathize with her achieved nothing. It only drained my own soul. Love has no effect on such people. With narcissists, love is just a waste of Divine energy.

      Two resources that I found really helpful: the book Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters, by Susan Forward, and the work of Melanie Tonia Evans.

      Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but my healing/spiritual journey has taken me to some crazy places. One of them was Hades. Literally. A very brief past-, uh, death (you couldn’t call it “life” could you?) memory of having been there. Yes, as everyone who’s ever been there and returned with their memory intact has described it: it’s all grey, as though everyone and everything in it is made of thick, 3-dimensional shadows or dark smoke. But what I really remember was standing next to Hades himself. I have NEVER felt anything so POWERFUL…and so COLD…and so HARD. And it recently occurred to me: if you are living with a narcissist and cannot escape, those are exactly the qualities you need to survive with your soul intact: STRENGTH and POWER, COLDNESS and HARDNESS. You need to turn into a powerful, cold, hard, grey shadow whenever you are in the presence of the narcissist(s) in your life. You need to integrate the power of Hades within you.

      Hope this helps.

      Reply
      • NelsonEh says

        November 28, 2023 at 10:00 pm

        Wow. That will take some work to figure out. The power of Hades? Isn’t that like going to the dark side? Amd becoming dark in the process? That’s some deep shit you got there.

        Reply
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