There is one particular state of consciousness that can change your life forever.
This holy moment can only be described as “ecstatic” in that your connection to life expands significantly.
In this profound state of being, you feel that life is full of beauty and sacredness – yet this feeling is not subjective, but is instead an objective phenomenon that is outside your personal self.
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Theologian Rudolf Otto called this experience “numinosum.” But in this article, we’ll refer to it as the mystical experience.
All throughout history, the mystical experience has been referred to as a “religious” or spiritual experience, where the few mystics that recorded their experiences reported it as a rapturous and undifferentiated sense of profound Unity with all of existence.
There have been many descriptions of the mystical experience throughout the ages. A few of my favorites are firstly the ancient Greek word and mystical Christian concept of Kenosis, or divine emptying. Such an intriguing word has been used for centuries to describe the state of divine receptivity that closely mimics what it’s like to have a mystical experience.
In psychology, the closest terms that capture this mysterious state of being are Abraham Maslow’s description of “Peak Experiences,” and psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of “flow.”
And in nature-orientated cultures like the Australian Aborigines, mystical experiences have been referred to as “Dadirri” – or the deep listening emerging from silent and still awareness.
But in layman’s terms, what is the mystical experience? And of what relevance does it have to the spiritual awakening journey that so many of us are undergoing?
Table of contents
What is a Mystical Experience?
What is a mystical experience? In essence, the mystical experience is a state of being in which the personal ego (or separate sense of self) merges back into the Divine Self, also known as Source, Consciousness, God, Nondual Awareness, Brahman, or Nirvana.
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A few other synonyms of the mystical experience are the Buddhist concept of Satori, the Kundalini awakening, as well as the Western notion of Self-Transcendence and the transpersonal experience.
Mystical experiences are temporary glimpses into our most sacred True Nature.
Those who undergo mystical experiences often describe feelings of bliss, ecstasy, unconditional love, interconnectedness, and Oneness with all things.
The Candle in the Dark (What a Mystical Experience Feels Like)
Perhaps the best way to elaborate the mystical experience might be with an allegory. The ancient Hindu tradition of Advaita Vedanta has an interesting one:
Imagine that you are in a completely dark room. You’ve been told that in this room lives a very large snake. As you sit in the room, you can see its silhouette and you feel great fear as you contemplate the potential for it to bite you at any moment. But one day there is a flash of light which illuminates the room and you see that what looked like a snake was, in reality, a rope. Although the flash of light was momentary, it gave you a glimpse of the truth. All of a sudden your long-held fear vanished entirely, and your experience of the room was never the same ever again.
This is what a mystical experience feels like: it is like a flash of truth that releases you from your limited sense of self and gives you a taste of a reality that somehow feels more real.
Ancient Greek philosopher Plato once recounted a similar allegory from his teacher Socrates, which described what the mystical experience feels like and how it impacts one’s life. Below, I’ve loosely paraphrased his intriguing thought-experiment:
Suppose that you’ve been kept chained in a cave all your life. Behind you blazes a fire, and next to you sit a row of other prisoners. All that you and the prisoners know of life is the experience of watching the shadows dancing on the opposite wall to you, and the shared interpretations of what you see. However, by chance one day, one of the prisoner’s chains breaks, and he escapes into the outside world. At first, he is confused, overwhelmed, scared, but he also feels an immense sense of expansion, awe, and bliss. He is aware that he is experiencing a larger, more complete and absorbing reality than what he could see within the cave. His natural instinct is to return to liberate his fellow men, but after struggling back into the world of darkness and shadows, his attempt to enlighten his companions is met with ridicule and incredulity as they accuse him of being crazy.
To some degree, we are all prisoners in the cave of our past experiences. Any mental worldview becomes a cave the moment it is taken for “absolute reality.”
9 Characteristics of the Mystical Experience
There are moments of oneness with the Beloved, absolutely ecstasy and bliss. That is nothingness. And this nothingness loves you, responds to you, fulfils you utterly and yet there is nothing there. You flow out like a river without diminishing. This is the great mystical experience, the great ecstasy.
– Irina Tweedie, Sufi & teacher
Every person’s mystical experience varies in length and intensity. However, there are a series of characteristics that almost all people who glimpse the Divine share.
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If you’re curious to know whether or not you’ve had a mystical experience, you can read the nine characteristics that I’ve defined below:
1. Conscious Unity
The boundaries of where you perceive your individual identity to begin and end completely vanish (otherwise known as ego death). Instead, you’re left with a boundless and infinite union with all that is around you.
2. There is No Time or Space
With a lack of a definable identity or spatial recognition, your sense of time feels infinite. You go from perceiving time from moment-to-moment as a static individual, to perceiving it as a stream of eternal present moments.
Without time, space is endless.
Because your sense of identity is gone, your ability to separate “your” (now non-existent) surroundings into individual “spatial” elements also disappears.
3. Objective Reality
Without a discernible identity comes a sense of greater “objectivity” as though you’re experiencing a much more intricate and profound reality. Everything doesn’t just feel perfect, everything is innately perfect.
4. Gratitude
Most of your ecstatic feelings stem from an immense sense of gratitude. This gratitude is an overwhelming sense of awe at “your” (now non-existent) insignificance in comparison to the vastness of existence.
5. Life is Seen as Sacred
Your sense of gratitude is so vast that you feel almost undeserving of having the opportunity to experience such a miracle. You develop a new sense of respect for the sacredness of life that allows you to be here.
6. You Understand the Nature of Paradox
Normally, our sense of egoic self creates a duality in our perception of reality (i.e., “I” am separate from “That”). However, the moment this separation disappears, you’re left with a non-dual reality in which your intellect finds paradox after paradox (e.g., something is both light/dark, here/absent, human/divine, limited/eternal, beautiful/ugly, etc.). In truly understanding the nature of paradox and how it permeates all of reality, you experience mind-blowing realizations and expansive breakthroughs.
7. The Experience is Indescribable
The overwhelming magnitude of emotions and intuitive understanding that you embody makes the attempt to even describe the mystical experience feel limited by language. To try and put words to such a reality feels insulting to the depth of the experience.
8. The Experience is Temporary
The very nature of the mystical experience (experience being the keyword here), is its transience. Eventually, you end up returning back to your habitual way of life, but the experience changes something deep inside of you.
9. The Experience is Life-Changing
After experiencing such a state of ineffable Divine Truth, suddenly death isn’t as scary as it used to be, and the beliefs or ambitions that you once held to be so important often tend to lose their meaning. In fact, the mystical experience often awakens a deep thirst to try to integrate as much of that experience back into one’s regular day-to-day life as possible. And so begins (or deepens) the spiritual awakening process.
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The Mystical Experience is Only a Taste
There’s a useful term in the Christian doctrine known as “Grace.” This word basically means that we receive mercy and love from the Divine because it wants us to have it, not because we have done anything to deserve it.
Many people confuse having a mystical or spiritual experience with cultivating a spiritual life. It’s common to think that we can somehow “earn” or “manifest” such profound glimpses into the Divine, when in reality, such experiences are brought about by grace.
Furthermore, our appreciation of such profound experiences is directly proportionate to our development of spiritual maturity.
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If the grace of a mystical experience is given to a 10-year-old child, they will no doubt enjoy the experience. But the degree in which they absorb it will be much less compared to someone who has undergone maturation – or the deep exploration of their psyche and the ability to live life from the seat of their Soul.
For the child, the mystical experience will be a great experience that will eventually fade and become a distant memory. But for an adult who has dedicated their life to cultivating spiritual maturity, to “tilling the soil of the Soul,” this experience becomes the seed that is prepared to blossom.
Indeed, such an experience might be the very tipping point that leads to the ultimate spiritual awakening – also known as Enlightenment or Illumination – or the permanent shift in consciousness from the individual ego to the Infinite Higher Self.
Inner Work & Soul Work
Experiencing spiritual liberation as the goal of the spiritual path is precisely why practicing inner work (i.e., self-love, inner child, and shadow work) and soul work (i.e., surrender, disidentification with the ego, stillness) are so essential to committing to the journey of spiritual awakening.
Without removing the blockages that obscure our Inner Light, mystical experiences have no deep or long-lasting impact on us.
In other words, such experiences just become extravagant rendezvous with no real substance.
But by learning to integrate the profound realizations that we’ve been given access to, we can experience true and long-lasting transformation. Slowly and steadily, we begin to taste the essence of Eternity.
Have you ever had a mystical experience? What was it like? I’d love to hear about it below!
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Jessica & Mateo, I had such an experience in 1980 as the result of intensive Raja Yoga meditation (eyes open). I experienced a visual field of green and gold lights that persisted for sometime. For the next three days or so I remained in the ‘witness state’ as I went about my daily life which continued almost on remote control as I watched from above. This was an ecstatic experience of complete control. In regards to ‘Grace’ my recent excursions into Parasympathetic NS activation via breathwork and chakra vizualization has afforded a few insights as to how this seems to work, or at least one avenue thereof. Once again it is via the pineal gland. The classic yoga visualization of the crown chakra as the thousand petal lotus is a very tough visualization to achieve. I have no idea how it can be completely achieved as my human mind simply cant do it. And that is the secret perhaps. I have given up the struggle and instead accept that the Divine wants the very best for me and all I have to do is to ask and surrender and confidently grasp that grace that awaits patiently. So I pull down that light to illuminate my lotus to make it bright and of the correct colours. The colours are very important. When one makes this effort there is an inflowing of grace matched by pineal activation. The same applies when I imagine a bright light point at the center of the Earth and in the cosmos, the central sun. Prior PNS activation is necessary to ‘get there’ or is a great aid to doing so. My 15 minute PNS activation method is quite intricate, but very effective. I communicated the basic method by email previously as an intro, but it is incomplete. Time I started teaching the full method. I have had many visions and some astral travel experiences that I can recall.
This email had perfect timing. Just this week, I had this happen. It was undescribable. This write up helped me understand. THANK YOU!
No worries April, how wonderful you could experience that. :)
I have had this experience during my liver transplant and I agree my experience was the same no words to explain how wonderful the feeling felt just part of every thing truly a religious experience definitely did not want to come back
I experience these momentarily after going through emotional release, but I have more repressed stuff that is gradually coming up so once the experience fades I feel better and have freed up energy and resolved more stuff but the feeling and experience is gone and the fear or anger or whatever is there to work through and accept. I begin again each day, trying not to be goal orientated rather a way of life as the traumas recede.
I am becoming more accepting, more nonchalant and more loving to myself so I guess things are changing for me.
Well done Fionne, I like how you described it. I’ve had to relearn over and over that letting go isn’t just the destination, but the journey itself.
The only Mystical experience that I recall is one warm evening. Feeling slightly tired I flopped into a large lounge chair and just allowed my mind to calm, and my body to completely relax. With breathing slowing down and thought gently rolling in and out, I settled and accepted no thought for the first time. It was bliss to not feel past problems, or current anxieties from creeping in to spoil the show.
As I opened the eyes from meditation everything felt a type of peace and grace I had not felt before. Anything felt possible while no inner sounds, images or subconscious thought ruffled the bliss. One drop of water dripped upon this calm plain of stillness would have caused ripples across the cosmos. It was the best! As a teaching as I was here but not here at the same time. And has helped me reach out when stressed to remember this time and how beautiful it felt to be free.
Thank you for sharing John, the equanimity you describe experiencing really gives one a palpable feeling of what liberation means in this journey and the embodying of our true nature. :)
Thank You My Strength of courage you dealt with yet choices are not others place of trophy on mantel, it collects dust You can take when you leave earth planes error plains.lol.
Spirit of You n Yours so Stunning as well as kangaroo do kick..now u really think I’m that dumb ..Focused point loved your voices I hear as well beauty I posses cause U HAD TO HEAR OR HERE BRUTALS OF LOVE OF MINE OR MINDS.
Hugs to Souls
Diana
Thank you Diana for sharing that :), hugs.
Incredible.
Yes. I experienced this aged 7 and age 10 and never again. I remember thinking something like “I’m really me” and just feeling this intense feeling of being completely present, it’s hard to describe in words but it took my breath away.
I feel like as I’ve got older the clarity has perhaps faded.
Thanks Amber, it’s more common than you think.
It’s funny how as we’re younger we have these types of experiences because our minds are so alive and open to life without the labels, concepts, beliefs and baggage we accumulate later on. It reminds me of that quote by Krishnamurti: “The day you teach the child the name of the bird, the child will never see that bird again.”
This is why I’ve often felt the ‘spiritual journey’ is less about learning and more about unlearning, it’s a dying process before it can ‘aliven’ us.
Sir,
If I had read this page and the comments on this page 3 years ago, I would have dismissed all of you as quacks!
I’m 46 years old and now I’m sitting here crying at how similar all these experiences are to what I have been experiencing for about 2.5 years now and very often at that. It happens as often as a few times in a minute but often several times a week.
I get these moments COMPLETE existential fulfillment baking with eternal and infinite bliss that is always accompanied by Divine affirmation. I don’t understand it, but it IS understanding! These are moments of perfect clarity, awareness, peace, unity with everything and such a feeling of positivity, PROFOUND LOVE and an unshakable knowledge that I am immeasurably important. He makes me feel like I’m the most important thing he ever created. I say He, but I haven’t seen Him. I see the place, though. His fingerprints are in everything and even His fingerprints overflow with life, color and a beauty words can’t touch.
These experiences last no time at all. I can be gone for a million years in between two words of somebody else’s sentence and they would never know I was gone. I come back without having missed a thing even though I was gone for what feels like forever! How can I be gone for years or even centuries and then come back before I even left? How does this moment of infinite time take no time at all?
If this experience lasted any longer than a flash, I know I would never be able to function as a human again. Even now, it’s all I want to talk about. I not only have no fear of death, but I kind of long for it! But I would never hurt myself. I would never kill myself. I see too much beauty in this life even when it’s hard. I love this life. But I see what’s waiting for me. It’s clear to me that I am not at risk of losing my home there. I am OF that place. I know I’m a decent person. I’m always mindful of how my actions affect people. I’m super kind to children and animals. I mean overboard kind like I would never let one suffer at any expense to me. I have rescued hundreds of animals and everything I earn goes to their care and their well-being is what brings me joy and happiness in this life. I mean, I’d love to buy a nice car or go on vacation one day, but knowing that there are all these animals around me who are healthy because of me fills my heart and soul more than anything material ever can. I don’t do drugs. I don’t frequent hookers. I’m loyal to my wife (even though I have every reason not to be). I avoid bad influences and try to live a life or nobody can say, “Don’t trust that Serge dude.” But I know I’m not a good person because I’m trying to get into heaven. I’m a good person because I represent that heaven! I am OF it!
I know this because my experiences show me that I am there for all eternity. And if I am there for all eternity, how can I be of anywhere else?
These experiences and this new knowledge is all I want to talk about but I understand that it would drive the people around me crazy as my wife is already sick of hearing about it.
It’s pure magic. It’s pure love. It’s pure and infinite bliss in a moment. There was a beauty and a piece unmatched by anything on Earth or in my human brain. There is undeniable knowledge of a creator.
I am Jewish and never really gave much thought to religion and never really believed that God is the god of the Bible. But I still don’t know. I haven’t seen God. I’ve only seen evidence of his creation as he leaves his fingerprints on everything he touches or creates and those fingerprints make me dizzy just by thinking of their beauty.
These experiences take me to a place that is MORE REAL than this place. It is impossible to deny that the place I see is real.
I’ve even gone to a neurologist to see what the hell is going on. He put me in what’s called an ambulatory EEG for 3 days and had me take an mri. He found nothing. I am certain this event is not occurring because of something that is happening in this realm. There is nothing that could happen in my brain that can generate such an infinite experience. No way!
If you think you’ve seen beautiful dreams, wait until you see this place!
I would love to learn more about what’s going on with me. I feel that I’ve been looking for you. Please teach me more!
Instead of reading “holy”, I see “wholly”, because these experiences allow us to feel wholly within ourselves and the infinite energy that is wholly with us and all things in existence.
That’s a lovely ‘mistake’, I actually believe both words come from the same root origin etymologically so it can’t be a coincidence. :)
The is no ‘coincidence’ in the universe; it’s all ‘synchronicity’ and designed to be.
In My early years I have always been the mystic and outcast out of body experience and so on in the teenage much trance and altered states of mind when I was 23 I have a really dark Shakti awaking who really destroy my life and it took me 3y4m and then I get this wonderful experience of Mercy from GOD when I first met this black angel of light who came with all the religions in chains and took me out of all the dimensions after 60d something I’m scream out loud of fear then came this meltdown of my ego and my self and all I feel was bliss and love for all of the universe, when I wake up my only word was Enhet in Swedish! Oneness with all of the universe! Almighty GOD Allah Jah Oversoul call it what you want! The only thing I have to say that We all are One in the same Creation and the only thing that can be Higher is This One Merciful Blissful LOVE for all the Creation!
But I have been Alien to this world and the system we have when money is king and man is GOD and make war and all shit must fall away from our world all life is Just to Holy and all of GODs creation is life
recently while on mushrooms, I experienced what can only be accurately described as ego death. I say “ego death” because that’s definitely what happened – and because I cannot say with 100% certainty that I actually died, even though that is what I perceived to have happened. I can’t say that I died physically because here I am, alive and well. I have no proof that I actually died, aside from a clue that was left behind, which I will share a little bit later on.
so I decided, for reasons I will not share, to eat some mushrooms all by myself. but it was 5:30 am or something like that, and I was tired, and cold, and outside, and it was December. so I went inside to lay down next to my man, who was already asleep, so that I could get warm. I fell asleep before I felt any effects from the mushrooms, and forgot that I had even eaten them.
then I became aware that I wanted to wake up, but I couldn’t. my awareness was awake, so to speak, but I could not get my body to function as if it were awake. I could barely move and even breathing was difficult. I struggled for a while to move and breathe, and could only summon my body to do what would amount to slow and gradual tossing, turning, and I could only make a noise that might sound to an outside observer much like snoring. at the time I found this quite curious, because it looked practically identical to what my boyfriend was doing right beside me – only he was sleeping, and I was struggling to awaken. then it became obvious to me that I was no longer struggling to wake up, but I was struggling for my life, as it became more and more difficult to breathe and I reached a point where I couldn’t move at all.
it occurred to me then that I had eaten mushrooms, and I could feel the effects – having taken them multiple times before – only this time was different. so I tried to convince myself that nothing was really happening at all, it was just mushrooms, and I’d be okay. but that did not do anything to help me breathe or move. I didn’t panic, my awareness remained calm and I just observed. I thought maybe I should reach out and try to wake my boyfriend so that he could talk me through it. but I couldn’t move my arms to touch him, even though he was only inches away.
I tried to call out to him but no sound came out. my breath now was beginning to fail completely. I would gasp a breath, and a long period would occur before another labored breath could be inhaled. every breath was shallow and slow and far between.
eventually I came to the conclusion that I was dying, and there was nothing I could do about it. no amount of effort or desire would help me, and even though I was right next to the person I loved, I couldn’t tell him what was happening. death was total and undeniable, and fractions of a second away. I was completely powerless to stop it. so I thought, “okay, this is it, there’s nothing I can do,” and I let go. my last weak breath seeped slowly from my lungs and didn’t return. and I lay, perfectly still and not breathing for I don’t know how long. I felt nothing. nothing at all. I had no thoughts.
I don’t know how much time passed while I laid there dead. but then a strange thing happened; breath came into me, but not through my mouth or nose into my lungs; the breath came from outside of me. I was laying on my stomach mostly, with my head to the side. the breath seemed to come from above me, and from outside my body, and went into the core of me, but not necessarily into my lungs. but that didn’t seem to matter, because the breath allowed me to move again. and I realized, i didn’t need my lungs to breathe. this gift of life which animated my body wasn’t dependent on my body at all; and it originated from somewhere else.
I sat up. I looked around the room. everything was the same as it was before, but I was perceiving differently. the heaviness that we take for granted as normal life in a meat suit wasn’t upon me anymore. the feelings that we associate with being ourselves, in our bodies, I couldn’t sense anymore. but I could sense so many things besides. I heard birds outside the window, saw the light from outside peering in from behind the curtain. I could still feel the effects of the mushrooms, but instead of coloring the entirety of my vision and sense perception, like they normally do, it’s like those effects were pushed off of me, and were hanging loosely in my peripherals. I was aware of the existence of those effects, but I had removed them, like you’d remove an item of clothing, and tossed them to the side.
I didn’t think at all. the framework of my mind as I had always known it, was non-existent. there were no words or running narrative or anything at all to ocuppy my mind. there was only a perfectly alert, calm, awareness. but even that description doesn’t quite fit. when one says, someone is alert, it’s like the person has put on the quality of alertness – as if it’s something they choose and then do or be like.
but this alertness I’m trying to
describe was more like alertness and me were one and the same thing. and it was so natural like there was no opposite of it – no ability to be otherwise. alertness was what I was, only there was no thought of it. it just was. and even the sense of me, I, myself, my body, was gone, but it didn’t feel like anything was missing. it was the most natural and free state of existence, but more so than words can describe. then I began to think, on purpose.
I thought, “this is who I am.” and I felt so – I can’t really find the word to describe the emotion – but I felt like most people don’t know who they are. we don’t know the burdens that we’re carrying around with us, day in and day out, and how heavy it is to live that way; and how unnecessary. how could we know what heaviness is, if we’ve never felt how not-heavy real life is? no one could possibly know, and what a shame that is to not know. and I felt the need to tell everyone that if they just take off, everything they aren’t, how free it is to be who they really are. and it was the most free I have ever felt.
the way I remember it now, I like to use an analogy to describe it and even that isn’t fitting because no words can describe it. that was a huge “aha” moment for me in this experience too, because later it became quite apparent that no words can describe anything really. anyway, the analogy I like to use is of a cat. or, what I imagine its like to be a cat. perfectly at rest, but also perfectly capable of pouncing at any moment. senses keen, tuned in, aware of the slightest change in the environment but perfectly attuned to it. no sense of worry or thoughts about the past or future. just a knowingness that you could leap right up at any moment with a precision, an accuracy, and with a coordination between your will and your body like you’ve never known before – except without the concept of “before.” and there was a sense of playful curiosity about everything, only that sense wasn’t a sense, it is you. it felt amazing, and weightless. nothing could bother you or trouble you at all.at some point I reached up and touched my face, and was surprised to find that it was wet. not just my face but my hair too all along the side of my head. and I was puzzled for a second then remembered, that I died. and the remnants of those tears were the only clue that remained of that. if I hadn’t felt my tears on my face I might’ve forgotten about dying altogether. but when I touched them, it all came back to mind. I remembered struggling for breath, and wanting to reach out and say something – anything – to my lover, but I couldn’t. and I remembered the powerlessness, of being so close but so far removed from him. and the tremendous grief I felt, knowing I couldn’t say goodbye to those I loved. and I remembered the feelings of loss and sadness that overcame me as I lay there dying. that’s why I had been crying.
so I looked over and saw my man still there sleeping and was trying to decide if I should wake him. I thought, “how could he sleep when being awake is so much more than anything he could ever imagine?” and then it occurred to me, that he has experienced this before – exactly what I was experiencing. I know because he’s told me. and I was almost angry at this realization, thinking, “how could he pretend that he hasn’t known this?! how could he go back to the way things were after knowing this!!? why is he pretending that this – who we really are – isn’t the most beautiful and amazing way to be? did he forget? how could anyone ever forget?! and who would knowingly choose to live like that, when they could live like this instead?” because I knew, no one would.
so I shook him awake and said, “darling, I died.” and half asleep, he said to me, “no, you didn’t.” and shocked at his lack of concern for his woman just having died, I became a little upset. I said, “no really, I did!” and he said, “well it must have been a dream, because you’re fine now.” and that really upset me because I was sure that of all the people I knew, he would be able to understand, and he would be the most interested in hearing about everything I wanted to share, and I also knew he would believe me. so I was quite surprised that it didn’t seem to be going that way. so I became more insisting.
but because there really isn’t any everyday words or language I could use to describe my truly transcendant experience, and because I was still perceiving things from an altered state of existence, and because he was still half alseep, I just sounded like a mad woman speaking nonsense and becoming angry for no apparent reason. and he had no idea what was happening. I said, “you know what I’m talking about, quit pretending! quit sleeping! how dare you walk around like you don’t know what this is! you know who you are and you keep acting like you’re asleep” – or something to that effect – and he just thought I had lost my damn mind.
it wasn’t ’til later on that I could find a way to really explain what had
happened, and of course he understood and knew exactly what had happened to me. he’s the one who told me that it was ego death that I had experienced and that I probably didn’t really die. but before we had had that conversation, my ego slowly returned and I found that I could not remain in that perfect and natural state of being.
I’m still convinced however, that that is what we really are, and if we can just take this meat suit off, everything will be right again. and I’m not completely convinced that I didn’t actually die, but I may never know for sure. and maybe I had to experience a sort of physical death, or at least the illusion of it, to experience ego death because I was so identified – so convinced – that my body and my ego was me. or maybe my experience was simply the result of the things I read and ponder daily. perhaps that is what ultimately led to my ego’s demise – however temporary – like this quote from Eckhart Tolle:
“The secret to life is to die before you die and find that there is no death.”
There was another part to my story that I forgot to mention: as I thought I was dying, I became aware of a part of myself which was watching. And the part of myself which was watching, witnessed the part of my boyfriend that was also watching me die. That same part of him was aware of everything that was happening although he was asleep. And although these parts of us was completely aware of everything that was happening, these parts of us had no desires whatsoever; they did not seem to communicate in any way – not with each other, or even with any other part of my consciousness/awareness – they just watched what was happening with curiosity, and no inclination to interfere or take any action whatsoever. It’s almost as if this part of me that is always watching everything, has no other purpose except that – to watch. I found it strange that this part of me existed, but it felt so innocent – both my watcher, and my boyfriend’s watcher – watching me die with complete innocence. It even seems strange to type it out, but that was my experience. And although I am not aware of that part of me anymore, since that morning, I think it’s still watching, and always is.
That’s quite interesting, I’ve experienced similar insights during plant medicine work. I can conceptually understand it though, by distinguishing what you call the ‘part’ that was watching from the other parts as it’s not really a part. It’s what the old Vedas refer to as the Atman. Basically all ego-parts exist within the Atman/God/NoMind whatever you want to call it. During mystical states, we seem to be able to shift out of the ego-parts and into the ‘oceanic’ consciousness. The mind can understand these words, but it’s a whole different experience living (or being lived?) by it. :)