Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
PLEASE NOTE:
Although the idea of having a Twin Flame can be helpful, especially as spiritual partnerships are a beautiful avenue of growth, please keep in mind the following when reading this article:
- Firstly, “twin flame” is a theoretical mental idea meaning that it isn’t objectively true, but is instead a helpful label that can describe a unique relationship we might experience in life – as such, please try not to attach too strongly to it, otherwise it can cause you suffering (aka. take it all with a grain of salt!)
- Secondly, twin flames don’t “complete” you, instead, they help to support your spiritual evolution – no one and nothing “completes” you and you don’t need a twin flame in your life as a prerequisite to evolve or feel happy
- Thirdly, please try to avoid misusing the concept of having a twin flame to (1) dream of a “better” and “more spiritual” partner, (2) sabotage your current relationship, (3) pressure your pre-existing partner to fit into the twin flame role – this is all an unnecessary mind game, so please love and cherish what you have already (provided it’s a relatively healthy relationship)
With that said, I hope this article is helpful. :)
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
Learn more about how to journal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
***
Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
Related articles:
- 21 Authentic Twin Flame Signs (+ Free In-Depth Guidance)
- Twin Flame Runner: 6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Soul
Make of this what you will…I’m still trying to come to terms with what transitioned myself. Twin soul or an unhealthy relationship, I don’t really know. Truth is it could have been illusion and delusion on my part for it was never a relationship “in the flesh”. Could be it was no more real than a wisp of smoke. All I know is that the relationship, which was an online one, has left this tremendous void in the center of my chest. Call me crazy. I can live with that. I found this website when I was looking for answers. It’s helping me to cope and move on. All I know for sure is that the relationship was like nothing I have ever experienced and doubt I will ever again. Not in this lifetime. The feeling of loss is enormous. He and I had a very real psychic connection. If people can be a drug to one another, then we were each other’s drug of choice. There was no sense of time when we were together. We played into one another seamlessly. He felt like my inspiration, my muse, and now he’s gone and I’m left to pick up the… Read more »
This article literally came at the best time for me. My twin flame relationship is at breaking point at the moment (not in a nasty, dysfunctional, hating each other sort of way – it’s simply a case that neither of us are sure it can work. Fair enough.). So, I will share my story in the hope that others can identify. And, Luna, any insights you could share would be most welcome. I met this person (like a lot of you, over the internet!) around eighteen months ago, and for both of us, it was like being hit by a truck. Sounds like a cliche, but our lives were completely turned upside down by our meeting. Meeting this person was the catalyst I needed to leave a controlling, stagnant and wholly unfulfilling relationship in which I had been forced to give up all dreams and ambitions and live pretty much under house arrest. So, no regrets there. So, we spent a few months getting to know each other online, video calling almost every day, chatting via text in between, and it was like a fairytale. Neither of us could believe our luck at having found the other and both admitted… Read more »
Luna, thank you for this article. I have been struggling with the loss of my twin flame and needed to hear it was not an illusion or a lie. I know the relationship/feelings I had for this person was not my imagination. I met him 6 years ago. The connection was immediate. I felt a home with this man. We ended our relationship 2 1/2 years ago. We were emotionally immature, fighting often, I couldn’t let what happened in the past go. I am an an empath and INFJ/INFP (depends on the test). Due to circumstances beyond my control he moved 3000 miles away 18 months ago. We have talked on and off during this 18 months. What’s interesting is I sent him one of your articles about twin flames and he completely agreed it was us. Eventually pain, hurt, and anger resurfaced for both of us. We both were quick to issue ‘final’ statements. The last time it was me. I could sense his attention was being diverted elsewhere. Two months later discovered he is in a relationship with another person. I felt as if I’d lost the one person who I could be myself around. I’d lost my… Read more »
I found mine when I was 22. I always searched her. She is 8 years and months older than me, and one of the more important things was that we could share our points of view about the world, life and spirituality as never before.
We thought that our soul mate relationship couldn’t end.
It lasted four years and they felt like lifetimes.
And then one day a guy of my same age appears on facebook, and I just knew it.
To her It took a little longer to realize and then we broke up friendly.
Is more than a year of this.
In that moment I realize that you can find more than one soulmate in a life time.
Before, we had zero information about soulmates and really I never saw a relationship like ours at that time.
The only similar kind of relationship that I saw until now is hers and her partner, and you and sol.
If I can explain something in a short way I will say that our relationship served for a period of change and transformation and I wish her that this time be for a life time.
I also met my twin flame on a dating site, playing a game called “carousel” where all you see is the person’s pic and age. We both said “yes” to each other, st which point you can read each other’s profile. I am kind of old-fashioned, and generally don’t contact men first, but his profile resonated deeply. I messaged him saying it was unfortunate that we live so far apart but I wished him well and hope we would both find a person Who would bring the sparkle back into our lives. He messaged Me back, agreeing that it was a shame that we live so far apart, approximately three hours. Several days later, he messaged me saying although we can’t make a date of it would I like to chat just for the friendship of it. We messaged nonstop for seven days, during which time he was brutally honest about his past. I have to admit I had misgivings about even speaking with this man as we were so vastly different. However, I knew there was more to him than his past. We then began chatting on the phone, and three days later he made the trip out to… Read more »
My twin flame,was almost brought to me via a dating site.Now before you laugh I had been on a few over the years but this time it was different. I had just returned from the U.K after a bitter and disappointing 5 1’2 month stay bouncing from relatives homes in search of an SSW job,but no luck.I returned to Canada my ego badly bruised and emotions in tatters.I go on this site talk to a few shallow type women just about to leave when I ‘saw her’. I had this wave or intuition come over me and it said ‘I Must contact her’.It was surreal,so we started talking for 4 days then she vanished and I was crushed.She reappeared telling me she was in process of leaving her coke addicted ex and he daughter confirmed it. A few weeks later we met and it was awesome she was short,blond and really pretty green eyes and modest too.We were together almost 7 years breaking up last Nov due to me being ill and resulting depression off work 1 1/2 years but she asked me to leave. Seems her compassion dried up? Were we really ‘twin flames” does this happen? ALL I… Read more »
What about when a twin flame relationship is not a romantic one, or are you lmplying that that is the only twin flame relationship?
My previous relationship was the biggest catalyst to self-awareness and growth that I’ve ever experienced. But it wasn’t a twin flame relationship! There was never a spark of deep attraction or love. Does this mean I will not be able to experience a twin flame relationship? I am not perfect by any means, but I have a hard time imagining another relationship evoking such a powerful inclination to self-grow like my previous one did.
Is there only one twin flame on this planet, only two people destined like this, or can you meet more than one twin flame throughout your life?
At first I thought I was teaching him about life when it really was him who taught me how to let go and receive. Little by little we scraped off the surface of our souls and when I realized that I know I was going to love this human being for rest of my life. Even if we don’t end up together in the long run. I keep finding stupid reasons to run away from him but he keeps coming back somehow and I love him for it. But to be honest I don’t really know why I’m running. Was searching for something else because I couldn’t deal with the spiritual bond that was so strong that we both could feel at any time of the day and so I prayed to the Divine to send me someone they trusted…and they kept on sending him. A friend of mine told me to surrender but I just can’t stop fighting the willingness to have everything in control. Everything about is so surreal and yet so beautifully real. Everytime I hear his voice or his laughter, it brings me closer to the Divine. Imagine when I actually surrender to everything. Luna, I… Read more »