Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Twin Flames & Soul Mates:
Learn how to forge true, deep, and enduring twin flame and soul mate love – no matter what stage you’re at, starting right now. This book is for anyone seeking to find and create an authentic, fulfilling, and awakened relationship.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
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Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
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I recently met my twin flame, in an online game at that. It was quick and intense connection despite him being married and me being in a relationship. We have similar spiritual beliefs and made a pack to be lifelong friends under the full moon just days after we met. If you go back and read all our messages, it would take hours. We crave one another, and he’s even told me he loves me on a beginning level. That we both know something is here. It’s only been 3 weeks and we are already in the running, chasing phase of our cycle. And I miss him so terribly much, and it’s only been a couple days. I”m causing issues in his marriage, and his vows, his oaths, his words mean something to him. Yet I tempt him. I knew I needed to let him go, for his own well being but I’m selfish and don’t seem to have the strength. He has asked that I take a break from him, and I am for him. I see surrendering is the only option, I will work on that for him and I both. Thank you for your help with this article.
I read recently that twins don’t always come into union and I’m so confused…
My story:I’m 10 years older than my twin. When we meet three years ago he said he loved me from the moment we met. I felt it too but my logical mind or ego got in the way. I am married and he’s engaged and I felt that the feelings I was having were not “okay”. I fought it for about 6 months until I couldn’t stand it any longer. We connected on every level but we were still with other people. Overtime, our other relationships took a toll on us and I tried ending it… Never successfully. Finally after 3 years he decided to break away from me to get married. He said that he loves his fiance and it is easier and more natural to be with her but he loves me and never wants to lose me in his life. This propelled me into my spiritual Awakening and I was not at all a spiritual person.
He recognizes the soul connection but feels like it’s too complicated and feels like being with me in our circumstances is impossible and I get it.
After hearing that he’s getting married I thought I was truly going to die from heartache. I was having panic attacks and fell into depression with overwhelming anxiety.
Fast forward 3 months: I’ve been really working on myself. For me and for him. I know he loves me and I love him. It’s absolutely unconditional and so strong.
A part of me is so sad because I can’t imagine not having him in my life. A part of me still has hope. I feel so lost but also at peace with it because I believed one day we would be together, be it in a year or in ten. It’s the most painful thing I’ve experienced and this is coming from a person who’s had very horrible and tragic things happen in my life. It honestly doesn’t make logical sense to feel this much pain over a person.
I want to let go but I never want to lose hope. I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions.
I was comforted by knowing that he’s my twin and that Devine timing will bring us back together until I read another article that said not all twins come into union. I don’t know if that’s true but it is really breaking my heart. Also, I feel like there are more stories about twins in separation than in Union. I’m so confused by all of the information out there.
Either way, it’s out of my hands. All that I can do is continue to work on myself and live life. I just pray I find peace with or without him.
I just wish I had the answers. I want him to be happy even if that is not with me but I feel like I’m falling apart.
I totally understand. It sounds like the situation I’m in just that we have only known each other for around 11 moths only but so many things has happened since … I’m married and live in another country. I’m having a break with my husband right now due to him which freaked him out. He is giving me the silent treatment right now- blocked me on WhatsApp which is our channel of communication. We are both falling apart but he can’t communicate through the pain so he shuts me out instead. I just want him to be happy- even with someone else but I want to have him in my life- one way or the other. But I’m blocked out and I don’t know if I should continue chasing him or just be patient, wait for him and have faith that he will return into my life.
I don’t think you should chase him or just be patient. You have to work on letting the attachment go. Christina Lopes on YouTube has a few really for videos on the train flame connection. Here’s a link but make sure you start with part one. She talks about why chasing only pushes then away, she also talks about how important it is that we work on our assention… I hope this helps!!
It sounds pretty like what I am experiencing. I think I’ve got to stage when I surround. When I finally can say: yes, I love him or did love him. Where, according to massive pain I’ve experienced, I presume it’s better to stay apart but sometimes suddenly I have panic attacks that he’s not in my life anymore, both we chose to run away. The problem is that the way I feel I cant compare to any other situation… I went through heartbreaking relation, than divorce and other really hard times and all of them didn’t feel like this… noone really understands me, my friends don’t even want to hear about him, noone really is there to tell me I’m not psycho it’s just twin flame experience. So now I’m without him and with feeling of loneliness as I don’t know anyone else who has such experience.
The worst part is- I still feel him, hear him, like there’s connection… which would be better for me to shut down.
We met about 30 years ago. We had an instant connection and a 3 year intense and at times tumultuous relationship. I broke it off. It was devastating but necessary. He found me after 10 years and I told him I was marrying someone. I didn’t really love the other person that much but felt I should do it. So I did and he moved to another state. I divorced and then married again and eventually became a widow. Then almost 4 yrs of being a widow I began to think I should see how he was, the one I loved so intensely, the one I never forgot, but couldn’t be with (at the time anyway). I found him through a family member of his and he had returned here less than a year ago. We began speaking briefly initially. There’s a lot of interesting details to this story but will save for another time as I am not familiar with this site, but am bursting at the seams to tell this story. So that began around end of June, beginning of July. We began talking more and more and it was like no time had passed. I began to feel like finally now this could work. We apparently never forgot each other and never felt this way with other people even though we had other relationships. The first time we connected it was so intense and stressful and joyful all at the same time. We laughed so much, there was this deep sense of connectedness yet the problems were big. I wanted things to go a certain direction. He seemed aloof in this regard. I had a lot of abuse from my past to deal with and I was being demanding and emotionally immature. Fast forward to now the reconnection…it has been postponed by both of us due to health issues and a couple other things…We are finally to meet in person in 2 days after almost 30 years. Last night I googled something like an old flame returns just looking for a quote or something along those lines. The very first thing that came up and stood way out was a video that was titled something close to Taurus an old flame returns…My love is a Taurus so I watched it. It turned out to be a lady doing this card reading and it was all about this reconnection with twin flame and the separation and the other person being unforgiving and now the reunion. It was in depth and resonated so deeply. I cried watching it. It felt like a burning Bush times 10. I looked up twin flames and everything I read felt like this is what we are experiencing..I feel we both have learned so much in the last 30 years and this is very exciting and welcoming to me even though I am now 60 years old. Can hardly wait to see what happens next although I have a very strong feeling of being able to be my true whole self with another that I was unable to bring to the table before.
MY TWIN FLAME DIED SUDDENLY FROM AN OVERDOSE AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PROCEED IN LIFE. ITS BEEN 8 MONTHS, AND AT 30 YEARS OLD I AM ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED AND LOST. H E L P ME PLEASE!
I wish I could take this pain from you but I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you. I can’t imagine losing my twin like this… I believe he’s not gone from you. He’s with you and you’re going to have the most amazing guardian to watch over you. Sending love ❤️
I’m so sorry for you Meghan. I lost my tf in a car crash 6 years ago and part of me left too. It has been the toughest and loneliest journey….please be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. He is with you now and I hope that one day you will find your peace. Take care lovely x
In him I saw myself, I felt that even though things were going terribly wrong on both ends.. he understood my actions and I understood his. I have never been so fully myself… all facets; the good,the bad, and the ugly, until I was with him. I also felt I saw all of him and yet we loved each other still.
We are currently separated, although I still fell connected to him and think of him every day. I felt true sorrow when he left my life even though at the time we were not officially tougher anymore. I feel with us the timing has always been off. but that never stopped us from trying. It was frustrating on both ends felt like this should work our love is so strong, but we can’t makkkkke it work no matter how many times we tried, twisted and turned, it seemed we couldn’t make it function. both chased, both ran, and now we are just nothing.
it hurts a lot, but in my heart I know we will see each other again in its own time.
My twin flame and I have been going through this Hell on Earth for 3 years now. As of now, he ran away again and is trying to reconnect with me like he ALWAYS does and I honestly don’t know what to do
At first i dont believe in Twin Flame because I am Christian, but time comes that i really dont know what really happen to me, All the signs i experienced all of that, I am now in separation. Its been 1 decade of 10 years that i have a roller coaster relation to this person, even him he didnt know what really happen, he was so confused and i am confused also what really happen. We try many times to make it normal to do the real couple but it happen differently. I have bf now, and he have already a family but he still not married, the separation and worse pain feeling start was when i found out he got pregnant the girl that was with him now. The last time he message me are April this year he still want to fix what we have before and he said hes not happy in his life now, but i didnt allow it because i been hurt many times and im also commited now. But im not functional now i feel numb, useless and i dont know if i gonna pick up myself, i dont have drive in life now I remember when I been hospitalized many times , i do also heart laboratory i spent a lot of money in hospital but in the end the doctor said i am not sick.He said i just need to heal. I didnt feel now the presence of my twinflame unlike before, because he was migrating to US with his family thats i feel so weak.But when he was in my country evem we didnt talk i still feel the connection and i am functional.And now this is the worse separation because he blocked me in social media when i dont want fix or reconciled with him. Because i feel like he will only hurt me again and everything will not gonna the same anymore.
Felt this pain. Still do. It’s been a long time and I still feel it every day. I thought eventually it would go away. I am now starting to realize maybe it never will. The acceptance is really difficult. That we will never be together again. It’s like he died but didn’t. I hope one day I am strong enough to be able to say I could do these things in the article. I’m not there yet but am working towards it. And I hope anyone else who has suffered or is suffering finds peace as well.
The connection we stumbled upon was so intense. The timing wasn’t the best. He felt so familiar and he opened up about everything to me even with pictures of his family that had passed. I could feel them. I can physically feel his pain. We both have been experiencing increasing stress in our lives to the point where he has become so depressed he barely talks to me and doesn’t want to see me. I still feel the connection. I still feel his physical and emotional pain. It tears me apart that I can’t do anything to bring him back right now and trying to wait is extremely painful. I’m trying to give him the space he wants but it’s so hard. I truly believe we are one but I’m so afraid he isn’t going to come back. How do I let go?
Just before i found your page…i had had a recap of how me and my salubrious friend got to this point…in seperation. I learned so much about myself the first time we seperated in 2017…but it was extremely painful and i truly believed he would never come back…so i spiralled into oblivian and my thoughts began to destroy m
My twin and I are at a distance. He’s finishing his studies and I am in a career. I cannot cope with the long distance; it’s too painful. He’s very practical and understands that this is just how it has to be right now. I cause unnecessary tension as I often complicate the pain I feel from our separation (ie I think the pain is something more complex than it really is- separation hurts as it turns out). But the tension I create only causes him trouble as his research is very demanding. We’ve had to separate 3 times now in just over a year. Each time is excruciating as we are still so connected. I’ve realized that he cannot give me what I need and Visa versa. The distance is keeping us from being able to fulfill each other. There’s just no other way right now. I’m going to take this time to practice self love.
I am a Christian and apperantly have a twin flame who seems to want to leave because it would benefit my life since he causes me such suffering… but I don’t want him to go because I will have guilt and pain about not being able to bring him to Christ and open his eyes… yet he doesn’t understand that because Jesus rules me more than our twin flame love, that I would much rather die and be like Christ just to get him to believe then for him to leave. But then, I have feelings that want him to leave because I feel bullied and like I can’t trust him. But then again (after reading this article), I just need more time yet the pain hurts him so much that he blocks me to set me free…. yet it doesn’t free me. I am split in half, and will be till his eyes are opened. It is something that can’t be healed. I just don’t want him to leave even though it will make us stronger because staying together will overtime eventually override that amount of strength. Please I need adivse, and no being a Christian is not a religion it is a relationship that frees one from death which is what my twin flame I think is trying to do but it doesn’t work because there is a thing called sin which keeps humans from reaching that healing capability. I know this probably makes no sense and is very hard to understand if one has never experienced it
My twin flame passed on to Valhalla only 13 days ago. I feel lost, empty, numb, you name the five stages of grief, and I’m experiencing them at once. Currently don’t feel him, hear him, or see him. Where do you go from here?
I AM GOING THROUGH THE S A M E THING. 8 MONTHS NOW AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ENDURE ANOTHER DAY!
I was at a dingy little dive bar with a girlfriend complaining about my recent ex when I met him. He was a gross mess after working in a kitchen all day/night. The image of him sitting on that barstool is forever burned into my mind. Covered flour and grease from head to toe and his phone wrapped in plastic wrap so he could keep it clean… We started talking and didn’t stop until well after the sun came up. I knew that first night I was going to marry him. The next ten years were full of both the most painful and most amazing moments I have yet to experience. He pushed me to always be better than I was, cared for my every need, fought with me, left me, came back to me, created life with me, married me, loved me more intensely than I ever knew was possible… Our life together was far from perfect, but the love we shared certainly was.
Just over ten months ago, three days before Christmas, he died at my feet on our bedroom floor. It feels as though a part of me died with him. As though someone tore my heart from chest still beating. Ten years was not enough. “Til death do us part” was NOT enough. He was so much more than just my husband. My entire life exploded the very moment he took his final breath. To say I miss him would be a grave understatement. The thought of spending the next 50 or so years without him is UNBEARABLE. I can only take solace in the fact that he left me with two miniature versions of himself to forever remind me that I was lucky enough to have experienced that rare perfect love most people only dream about.
My twin flame and I keep repeating the chaser and runner stage, I tried to make things work and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me, told me he doesn’t love me like a friend anymore and told me to never contact him ever again, he’ll be nice to me in person, however, he never wants to hear from me ever again….. I am so tired of this repeating and all the drama that’s coming with it, I am literally sick to my stomach, I have no idea on what happened from one week to the next, none of it is making any sense when we talked a week ago and then out of the blue he cuts me out permanently…… I am so deeply hurt and having a hard time coping……
I believe I semi-recently separated from my twin flame (what I mean is that I think she may be my tf, and that we broke up close to a year ago). We were together just shy of two years. Her name is Elizabeth. We met at an LGBTQ event/dance via the organization I was apart of in college. I was the DJ, tucked away in a corner occasionally getting caught in conversation with my friends and taking song requests. Out of my peripherals I felt like I kept seeing a girl look at me (I honestly thought I was being too egotistical, thinking that a girl might actually be eyeing me from across a dance floor). Eventually I worked up enough courage to look for myself and my goodness, I thought she was striking. It wasn’t long after, I was compiling my song list, putting some tunes into queue when she was suddenly in front of my DJ table, casually (so confidently and attractively) pulling up a chair to it. I was awestruck, blushing, and baffled at how beautiful she really was. We introduced ourselves and I couldn’t stop thinking of her after that. From our first few run-ins on campus there was a certain, undeniable spark.
We didn’t want our first date to end so we just kept extending it, getting kicked out of a building in the process because they were closing it. You’d think maybe that would have stopped us, but we took it outside, to the stars to be more exact…even though it was ridiculously cloudy! We sat on the cold cement, tightly sitting side by side, arms and hands grazing. I found out that night we had a shared love for the moon; that alone could have taken me there! I thought I had felt comfort with other people before, and have no doubt that isn’t what I experienced…but there was a certain level of comfortability, best described as feeling like a meltingly warm comfort, when I was around her.
She was supportive of my passions in life and how I felt about other people, mainly because other people are who I am so passionate about! I have always been spotty with communication and she was typically a powerhouse when it came to communicating! Im prone to be unmotivated and unorganized, where she was timely and organized. When I needed haste she was there, when she needed a sweeping calmness I would swoop in. I definitely believe there was good balance between us. As we grew and our relationship grew, we learned how to communicate, set boundaries, be there for others together, and break rules together. We both love history and we would go back and forth about interesting historical facts or things we had read/learned. We loved conversing and picking each others brain. It was a relationship full of passion (ugh the passion), laughter, warmth, trust, and a unique calm I’ve never felt before. After reading this article and researching more on twin flames, I don’t think we were ready; I 100% know now I wasn’t. I can’t exactly speak for her.
Aforementioned, my communication = not the best. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since 8th grade, towards the end of my high School career I had seriously considered I may have an autism spectrum disorder (what I had always suspected it to be used to commonly be referred to as Aspergers). We had spoke about this on several occasions. I had told her it was something I truly wanted to look into more because I thought it attributed to many things in my life but that I thought looking into it further may be able to help me with communication. Sometimes it’s just really hard to take what Im feeling or thinking and to compress it into words that justify it, as well as make it understandable to whomever I’m expressing it to. There are also times that I really don’t know what Im feeling, which is difficult enough to try and explain (something most people have experienced!). Towards the end of our relationship, I had fallen into a bad depression rut I hadn’t felt in years. I felt overwhelmed by everything in my life and as depression does, it muted everything in my life. It’s like trying to eat your favorite food while sick..the flavor is bland, its not he same, not as enjoyable. I felt nothing for months, which was extremely abnormal for me, someone who feels everything all the time (sometimes it feels like too much..an empath to the core). The only thing I did continue to feel however, was my love for her. That never once left. As my mental health declined, my physical health started to decline as well. Due to stress and my depression, I lost a lot of weight. I finally told myself I was going to seek professional health, that I needed to see a therapist and get a consultation about the possibility of autism spectrum disorder. With the amounting overwhelming feelings I was already experiencing, I knew that I would feel gratuitous amounts of pressure, and that this would ruminate on myself and our relationship; furthering how overwhelmed I was feeling. I knew neither of us were really getting what we wanted or needed from one another since my mental health started to get worse…I didn’t think this would help. I felt it would be better for me to do if I weren’t in a relationship. I thought it would be better for both of us…that way no expectations could be squandered in the process. I felt like I was stuck in a lose-lose situation: loosing someone I loved or loosing myself…with the state I was in mentally and physically I was acutely aware that I was already loosing myself..and couldn’t afford to lose myself any further. I was deathly afraid of what that may look like.
I broke up with her, and it was awful. At the time I didn’t have as many of the words I have now to describe my thought process, or what I was feeling and why I felt like I had to do what I did, the way I did it. I couldn’t give her more time in my car after she ran after me in the parking lot to see if she could change my mind, I couldn’t sit in her room going through the box she complied of my things and our memories when we exchanged our belongings two months afterwards, and I couldn’t look back at her as I left that day because I easily could have been convinced to stay..when I knew I couldn’t. I wish I looked back often.
Afterward, like normal, things would remind me of her..the reminders would only stay a while and leave. But in the last 4 months I have not been able to shake anything that reminds me of her, I’ve found it increasingly difficult not to think of her. Honestly, at times I find it hard to believe that it’s nearly been a year.
Sometimes I think about telling her what I’ve managed to put in words above but I think that would be unfair and unnecessary. Sometimes I feel like what I did was selfish but I think that’s unfair as well. Maybe we’ll find each other again in the future.
Much love to you all who stumble upon this and to those with hearts that are aching <3
I am suffering so much. My Twin Flame and I have dated for 4 years and our relationship was codependent, a passionately beautiful disaster in the beginning first year. My boyfriend as an empath and healer, helped me the first year by showing me pure love and detangled the false truths I had about life, as I am someone who comes from abuse and lots of trauma. One thing I could say is from the first night, September 4th 2015 up until now, I have never given up on taking action to better myself. Michael, on the other hand, throughout our relationship has been consistently inconsistent. He has lied to me on numerous accounts about alcohol and has had to go into rehabs since he was 18. It’s not easy wanting to be with someone without acting controlling and then they come home drunk and cannot go to work or lose their job or see them attempt to complete their homework and lie and fail. I feel like I owe my life to him because if it wasn’t for him, I would never have known the complete unhealthy lack of boundaries my family has or the feeling of being safe, feeling at Home. I honestly have not felt that way since 2016 before he smashed my car, told me to tell the cops it was me, and then him disappear for an entire weekend after I had taken the heat for him as well as suffered two chronic back injuries and a bad concussion. Good thing his dad is a lawyer and did right by me. Anyway, since that accident, Michael from July 2016-August 2019 did not want to have sex, could barely get erect, and when he did, he said he scared to perform. I have been promised thousands of mornings and rejected thousands of mornings, and evenings. Just like the movie Avatar, I feel like I see him and I see his pure and loving soul and I never wanted to give up on him and us. This summer, in June, Michael went off his medication he has been on for 15 years – he is currently 34 years old. He was taking Abilify for Bipolar 1 and well Trintalex for depression (he was on Zoloft up until 2018 when we both found out the only reason he could be having issues getting erect he switched to this new antidepressant which worked with him getting erect, but he wanted to go out and drink and did not want to have sex or oral with me at all). So June he got off his meds, and July 4th when we went on vacation is when the spiraling of frequent bouts of crying and endless drinking began and progressed until August, when he was basically forced to have another intervention and go to Texas to a non traditional rehab center called Recovery Unplugged, where the emphasis is on music and is run by musicians. The last two weeks of August before he left, he blocked me and wrote the most heinous things about me being abusive and who knows what else which was true in 2015. He was my therapist in 2015 and since the third date, he wanted me to tell him all my trauma since childhood, to do exposure therapy with me without giving me reassurance (which my bachelors is in psychology and knew was wrong but trusted him), and yes he would say hurtful things when he would get drunk and I would physically abuse him in that first year. It was only when I felt cornered and didn’t know any other way. I felt like I was getting poked and poked and poked and triggered and eventually I would swing. That part of me is dead now. I have since then, and even before then, dedicated myself to mindfulness, emotion regulation, went to therapy, read numerous articles, and learned how to hit the pause button and follow my gut and not my mind.
Michael is an amazing singer and he wanted and still wants to go out and sing, but with that comes liquor, lots of liquor and disease. For some reason Michael likes to be amongst disease, but hates it at the same time.
So, here I am finishing up my dual masters in special education and elementary education by December and wanting to know where my next move is since my living situation is toxic with two vampires doing everything to suck the light out of me. I have been working with an good friend and Guide, Carlo (whole by the way awakened Michael before the two weeks of him leaving for Texas and acting horrendous toward me, after blocking me, telling me he is at a strip club and there’s a girl that’s he’s with that reminds him of me and he’s angry but crying. He said to me my trauma is the reason he couldn’t “get it up” and the reason for many things. Now, hes living with a family in Texas after calling me and shifting from place to place and he doesn’t want a title of being together, wants to keep me blocked on social media and just talk to me about what he’s been doing musically and regularly on it when he calls me on the phone, and any time I tell him my feelings, he gets defensive and tells me I’m acting like I used to and he blocks me or deflects. It’s so disheartening to me to say the least. I have so many visions for myself, for him, and for us but I think I am going to stay true to my heart and leave him for now because he doesn’t want to unblock me from social media, he doesn’t seem to take or want any responsibility, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, so it seems like a half-assed way of communication to me. Either way I am suffering and I am unsure if I am making the right move. Should I just be happy with his inconsistency since he is still soul searching? If I let him go, will he be with someone else? Am I in a twilight zone?! What do you think is going on and is there any advice you have for me? I donated to you when I first started ascending less than two months ago, and I do not have much money, but if there are any suggestions of something to get for myself and/or for Michael I’d like to hear those suggestions as well. I was thinking the shadow self journal for him, but I don’t know anymore. I just know when he blocked me two weeks ago for a few days out of nowhere, I got on this part of the article for Integration, and then when I had my first night in doing that, he called me. Thank you for listening to just a taste of the story of Michael Diego Forman and Stefanie Anne Siegel. Bless you both with light and lots of sunshine, as that is my nickname for quite sometime now.
Is it ” narcisstic abuse”?
Is it a mirror?
You’ve not need them to complete you why is it horrific?
I’d rather have abuse than see a person leave. Is it normal for him to be married? Why did I speak of this all in terms of ego and not heart or soul?
What happens next?
I miss him the most
What guarantee’s he does too?
Will he ever love his wife and be at peace? The heavens throw difficult challenges. Why do parent folk believe destiny / life is their thoughts/ dreams and desires? Does this happen to all or one? How could we so badly have love for one and suppose a life partner is another?
7 years ago I was living abroad and met this guy who is slightly older than I am. We worked for the same company but never worked together. I was in a relationship at the time but we instantly hit it off as friends. The connection was intense from the start. Everything clicked and the connection was unlike any other I’ve had. 2 years later, we got closer and closer, I came to the realisation that I was in the wrong relationship. All I could think about was him. So I broke it off with my then boyfriend but it is important to say nothing physical happened at all with this man. I just knew I had to be honest.
Unfortunately he was in a relationship at the time but was not ready to give it up although he admitted his feelings for me. The issue is there was too much ambiguity. The day he chose to stay with her, I moved on. We didn’t speak for ages but the pain was so real. It hurt me to the core.
A few years on, I moved away (another country), so did he. Both in relationships.
We are now 5 years later and a couple of months back, he came back into my life. I was going to the same city he lives in so I suggested we grabbed a coffee, little did I know this was the start of an even stronger connection. We hit it off again instantly, like we knew we had to be in each other’s lives again. He was single, I was in relationship. Our conversations spoke about a possible future together, how we would make a long distance relationship work, talked about kids etc. And this was shortly before meeting, we hadn’t even seen each other then. So few days later I see him. We were like 2 magnets finally back together. It just made sense. The honesty and the realness of our conversations was destabilising.
I came home and 5 years on the same situation happened, again. I broke up with my bf with whom it was on and off anyway. But here we go, suddenly the person I am convinced is my TF said he needs time to process his break up (same girl as 5 years ago who broke it off with him 2 months ago) and needs to figure himself out. His feelings haven’t changed, he wants to see where this could go but he says what looked like the right timing was indeed not the right time, yet. So now, 2 weeks after seeing each other we agreed to let the dust settle. Give each other the time needed to process each other’s situation before we could potentially start a healthy relationship. We haven’t spoken in a week and it is killing me even though deep down it is probably best to grow from this situation and get back in contact when we are both ready. Is this the right thing to do? I really feel like he is my TF and I don’t want to lose him again. I am not chasing him even though deep down that is all I want to do. Do I just need to trust that we will gravitate back together in a few weeks/months? We agreed to try to see each other again before the end of the year… Please help me. I miss him and do not want to lose him again. I could not go through this again in a few years time…
I met my tf in my 20s. He 7 years younger than. I met him while actually with my husband. We were seperated but living in the same house hadn’t told anyone. Had our two girls with us. My cousins birthday party. July 14th. He was standing, kinda leaning on the rail of the deck around the pool. I’d heard about him but never met him. From the moment I saw him like spark. My youngest daughter did not like anyone but. Would never let anyone even hold her. Not even her dad. He walked up we we’re introduced. She practically jumped at him. He held her the whole day. I had never heard of twin flame. After that he seemed to be everywhere. My husband and I went our seperate ways. Thus began to this day still feels unreal how close we were. Both going through a break up. We were inseperable. Then he tried with his ex. I then tried with mine. Both failed. He was so much younger. We spent so much time together for several years. Hardly apart. Kids adored him. I hopelessly fell. But honestly never thought we could be. So many chasing him. Every time we got to the brink of a kiss something or someone. Every single time, his hesitance, mine, kids, family. Several years, sharing everything. Thoughts memories, hopes dreams. He in a band me writing, he shared his writing and drawings with me. Built a bond like no other. I was so afraid to lose him. Having him as a friend I couldn’t lose him right. I’ve never told him how I felt. He me either. But when we have seen each other like nothing has changed. I tell myself if was supposed to be it would be. I have passed life dreams of us together. Dreamt of us meeting as our source form. Literally waking in tears being apart from him. I told myself over and over he wasn’t the tf afterall. I’m 40 now. He married has kids and is not the same. He is sad and kinda bitter. So unhappy. Not even with his own children like he was with mine. I still feel the exact same now. He still has no clue. Haven’t seen him in two years. But I dream of him often. Not the him now. But the him I’ve known over and over. I recognize now by the feelings. I think of him just about every day. Been dreaming alot more of him lately. Hear he has another baby on the way. I’ve stopped dating did suffer alot of depression and I’m now focusing on life purpose next chapters. I’m the happiest I have ever been single. The most confident as well. Though I’ll always miss him more than words are capable of expressing. I’ll always regret not telling him. We arent allowed to be near each other. Not that we conciously ever did anything while he’s been married. We have never even kissed. He once told me don’t unless you ready for me not to let go. I was afraid to lose him. Now I have. He is my fairytale. Always always in my heart. Greatful for the dreams. We are apart just now but we’ve shared many lifetimes together. I relive those lives. So much love. I have hope in our next life we will be together. It is a pain so deep a longing so within. Words can’t. I am comforted by the dreams. Ashamed of the pain I caused us both. Literally the idea of not having him in my life had me try to keep the friendship. I lost him for both and apart of myself in the process. But I am just now accepting and I’m in stages of my awakening. Finished my Reiki master class, taking my shamans class and a course on spiritual coaching and honing my natural abilities that I’ve been hiding since I was a child. Allowing all sides of myself to be free from fear and anymore regrets! Thats my story. About 16 years and counting still as strong as day one.