Twin flame separation is not like typical relationship breakdown.
When we separate from our flames it’s as though our entire lives have been shattered. The deep and intense love that we feel towards our twin flames makes any form of split agonizing and almost unbearable.
Having received so many stories from lost souls over the years about twin flame separation, I thought I’d finally write about this topic. Being in a twin flame relationship myself, I’ve experienced how overwhelming, intimidating and terrifying it can get, and how insufferable it is to separate – even just temporarily.
Before you read on, please ensure that you aren’t in a co-dependent or unhealthy relationship. The difference between twin flame relationships and co-dependent relationships, is that twin flames relationships are defined by respect, equality, negotiation, and healthy boundaries. On the other hand, co-dependent relationships are characterized by feeling trapped, unequal, devalued and reliant on the other for a sense of self-worth. Unfortunately, it is possible to confuse co-dependency with twin flame love. Please be careful about confusing the two.
Although the idea of having a Twin Flame can be helpful, especially as spiritual partnerships are a beautiful avenue of growth, please keep in mind the following when reading this article:
- Firstly, “twin flame” is a theoretical mental idea meaning that it isn’t objectively true, but is instead a helpful label that can describe a unique relationship we might experience in life – as such, please try not to attach too strongly to it, otherwise it can cause you suffering (aka. take it all with a grain of salt!)
- Secondly, twin flames don’t “complete” you, instead, they help to support your spiritual evolution – no one and nothing “completes” you and you don’t need a twin flame in your life as a prerequisite to evolve or feel happy
- Thirdly, please try to avoid misusing the concept of having a twin flame to (1) dream of a “better” and “more spiritual” partner, (2) sabotage your current relationship, (3) pressure your pre-existing partner to fit into the twin flame role – this is all an unnecessary mind game, so please love and cherish what you have already (provided it’s a relatively healthy relationship)
With that said, I hope this article is helpful. :)
5 Causes of Twin Flame Separation
One of the most painful stages is the twin flame relationship that of the “Runner and Chaser.” After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash. Core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw. Shadow Selves lash out.
As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship battles through drama and dysfunction at first. Understandably, this comes as a devastating shock. What happened to the perfect, rosy relationship paradise where everything was kisses and cuddles? At this point, many twin flame couples wind up confused and disorientated. Was it all a lie? Was it all an illusion?
The answer is “no.” The intensity you experienced was not a figment of your imagination. The sense of familiarity and déjà vu you felt wasn’t a mystical apparition. It was real. Don’t doubt it. It’s simply buried under the layers of your damaged egos.
It could be said that the sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us soulfully mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. In fact, despite how difficult they can be, twin flame relationships are so powerful because they are catalysts of growth. Our twin flames help to ruthlessly expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away. Not only that, but our twin flames provoke our inner growth by unintentionally (or intentionally) irking us. The anger we feel towards them is only really a reflection of the anger we feel towards ourselves.
Sometimes one, or both partners in a twin flame relationship become so infuriated and incapable of co-existing that they separate. What is the cause of twin flame separation? We’ll see below:
1. Psychological and spiritual immaturity
Life is a process of growth. Not only do our physical bodies grow, but our inner selves grow as well. One of the primary causes of twin flame separation is immaturity. When we’re immature, we have low emotional intelligence meaning that we struggle to identify, manage and cope with our emotions and those of others. Not only that, but spiritual immaturity thrives in proportion to the stubbornness and magnitude of the ego. In other words, the bigger the ego self, the less harmony there is. The ego wants to believe itself to be charming, magnificent, all-knowing, and perfect. But when it is challenged in any way, shape, or form, there is hell to pay.
Almost all of us are ruled by the ego-self – if we weren’t, we’d be enlightened. But not all egos are the same. There are strong egos, and there are weak egos. The stronger an ego is, the more likely it is to run away from a person or situation which makes it feel impotent. Twin flame relationships are one such place. In fact, twin flame relationships are essentially made to dissolve the ego … and the ego despises that.
2. Lack of self-love and respect
The major requirement necessary for functioning smoothly in a twin flame relationship seems to be self-love. For example, before Sol and I met, we both worked on loving and accepting the people we were. This is also true for other successful twin flame partnerships.
Without learning how to love yourself first, there can be no genuine love for others. Instead, the love is tainted with neediness, co-dependency and “conditions.” We can never give unconditional love to our partners without first showing fierce unconditional love towards ourselves. As a result of this, some twin flame relationships unfortunately crumble under the weight of insecurity and self-hatred.
3. More life lessons need to be learned
Life needs to prepare you before you enter a twin flame relationship. Sometimes this means that you need to enter other relationships, establish new friendships, or expand your life experience (travel, volunteer, get a new job) before you’re ready. This is all a matter of trial and error. Some circumstances will bestow you with gentle insight, and others will leave you crushed and fighting for air. Whatever the case, don’t shut yourself off from the world. The more you test your boundaries, the more you learn.
4. Healing needs to occur
Sometimes our twin flames show up at a point in life when we are suffering immensely. Our suffering may come from a tragedy, death, form of abuse or even another relationship breakup. We may not emotionally be in a place to open up yet. Therefore, a process of healing may be necessary first.
5. It’s just not the time yet
Life can be mysterious. Sometimes twin flame separation occurs because the moment in time isn’t right. Sometimes other journeys need to be completed, and other people need to be met. Sometimes we don’t even know the reason why. The best thing to do in this situation is to surrender. This can be extremely hard, but trust that the experience will help you grow stronger and wiser. Who knows what the future brings?
Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about twin flame relationships? In our book Twin Flames & Soulmates, we give more in-depth guidance:
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magic wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger, and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
Learn more about how to journal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately, a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false. We explore this more in-depth in our twin flame book.
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
Be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
For the time being, I’d love for you to spill your heart in the comments area. What’s your story? Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope? Let’s support each other.
i am/was in love with this girl since i met her when we were 12/13. always something about her, made my stomach cramp up and have butterflies. we started dating when we were 14 then broke up at 15…started taking again at 15/16 got back together at 17. we almost made it to a year on the second time around. she was the moon to my sun. the first 4 months were amazing, with little problems, we communicated greatly. February 26/27 2022, things changed a lot. everything did, her family became a bigger problem. the relationship was tiring me. so fucking tired, i’m only a child! she is only a child! her family are monsters! they ruined me…idk how i let them but i let them get in my head and her.. broke up going theroux stages of grief.
I had recently divorced my husband. Found my true sense of self and was in a really great place. I had no intention of dating any time soon, but here came an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Something about this man was intriguing and I had to know more. After our first date I was hooked. We both fell hard and quickly! Everything about him just felt so familiar, so comfortable. I later described it to him as him “feeling like home.” He jokingly described it as “I never knew how much I loved myself until I met you.” Our entire existence was surreal. This was BEFORE either of us had heard of Twin Flames. Someone pointed it out, so we did a little research. It explained every piece of our relationship and the immense love and connection we had. We dated for six weeks to the day. A tiny amount of time, but what felt like a lifetime together. He died suddenly in a single car accident. It has been 71 days and it still doesn’t feel real. I have this overwhelming feeling that I will “see him soon.” He has my heart, and my soul.
Honestly, I feel better after reading this article.
Considering all the signs, I had found my twin flame. We were perfect. It was amazing. Soon, however, we started seeing each other lesser and lesser. Eventually, I found out they were moving. Him and his family moved away. The music we played together, the moments we enjoyed, all were just now memories. I felt depressed for such a long time.
Soon after, I found your channel. I felt extremely powered and continued. Here I am today, and I feel better than ever. Now I’ve learnt many values. It’s important to know that everything has a time. Someday, it will all have to just leave. At last, the important thing to know is that you enjoyed it. And you did all the great things you did together.
That’s the thing that makes me feel happier, than ever.
I want to learn more about this idea.
I think I lost my twin flame, which happened two months ago. Looking back at my life I see situations and circumstances leading me to believe that I’ve been discerning of this or intuitively aware of this girl my whole life. We even played the same computer game growing up. Since the break up two months ago, I feel as though my entire life is changed. I feel very empty, that this is somehow the greatest loss of my life, and I feel as though this is the greatest injustice I will ever experience. I don’t feel like I have a path anymore. I have been very broken by this unlike almost anything else. I don’t understand why this relationship was so short lived. I’m very upset about it. I feel like I’ve gone through suffering for this girl because of my intuitive awareness of her before we even met.
I lost my twin flame just over two months ago. (Nov 6th, 2022). He passed away, and I haven’t been able to do anything besides work and sleep. We have children together, but I’m not being a good enough mom either, they are hurting as well. This is a pain I’ve never had before. I’ve lost loved ones, who’ve passed away. But none compare to how this feels. It will stick with me forever.
My twin flame and I have finally separated after a long few months of hurt and pain. He struggles with depression and we were long distance, so naturally it was very hard for me to help him from afar and he refused to get the help he needed. I started to disconnect with him and eventually broke up with him in hopes he’d realize how bad it was and go to therapy. I started talking to and seeing someone else but it was never the same. I came come for the summer and saw my twin flame and everything fell back into place and we went back to our old habits. But our highs and so high and our lows are so low. I went back to college and distanced myself from him because it scared me how much he depended on me and I couldn’t do long distance with him again. When I left it broke him and he told me its the worst pain he’s ever felt. He kept trying to talk to me while sleeping and having a situationship with my ex-friend who in the past he said he hated. I found out and for weeks we… Read more »
I have been struggling for the past seven months with losing my twin flame. We were the brightest I’d ever seen and everyone around could see it. I made my mistakes and she made hers but I will always wonder what if I made smarter choices. What if I loved her the way she needed it instead of keeping so much of myself hidden and stagnant. On Feb 14th 2022 we separated and she kicked me out of her grandparents home where we stayed together. I was shocked and devastated but being the type one bipolar I am I sent myself into such a manic episode that I got into a relationship the next day and got married to my wife two months later. I do not regret my decision to get married. I truly love and care about my wife. Everything was going fine, I had my day dreams about fixing my past mistakes and my hopes of one day being reunited by fate with my twin flame. Everything came crashing down on Sunday Nov 13th when my twin flame passed away. I was utterly shocked by the news and I have fallen into a deep deep depression since.… Read more »
I feel so devastated, heartbroken, abandoned, rejected, and shattered. My wife left 2 months ago. I made so many mistakes in the relationship. We both did. She had left many times before, but we would always reconcile after a very brief period of time. This time is different. We’ve gone no contact, and she wants a divorce. It was the most passionate and tumultuous relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t know if we are twin flames. There was quite a lot of toxic behavior, and an element of unhealthiness. I never felt safe and fully supported in the relationship. (I suspect she didn’t feel this way either) But now my life as I know it is over, and I feel empty, lonely, depressed, confused, alone, and hopeless. She was my everything, and now she’s gone. I have reason to believe she moved on very quickly with another man, while I’ve been left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. The pain has left me no choice but to turn inward and work on myself, and work on my healing. This is the most painful and traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Sometimes I feel as… Read more »
Me and my twin flame where not in a relationship with each other but had been on a spiritual journey together for sometime i hurt her badly and now i must journey alone and hope i didn’t extinguish her flame