“Be yourself.”
This is the sage-old advice your mother and friends have given you countless times. But why is it so hard to apply to your life? Why is it so hard to “be your authentic Self”?
Perhaps it’s because you don’t know who you really are.
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
Being a lone wolf and a spiritual wanderer is a sacred calling in life – a unique and alchemical path of awakening. You don’t need to feel lost, alone, or stuck on your journey any more. It’s time to meet your soul’s deep needs for clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Let us show you how …
As a spiritual guide, the first obstacle I see fellow travelers come across trying to find their path in life is the realization that they don’t know who they are.
They fail to listen to the Soul within and instead create mental ideas (dreams) of what they “should” be like and begin to doubt themselves whether they are living up to these notions.
Afterward, they seek comforting validation by asking me questions like: “Is this what Spiritual People do?” “If I think ____ does that mean I’m not an empathic person?” and “Do all healers/old souls/yogis like ___ and _____ ?”
In this article, I want to explore our lost authenticity and how we can learn to find our genuine selves by learning to love our Core Essence.
Table of contents
How We Lose Our Authenticity
Watching children play and hearing their genuine laughter is one of the greatest joys in life.
We were all born as children filled with life, a sense of wonder, and the desire to explore and live in the moment. Children have no past baggage or future anxieties so they express what they feel and aren’t afraid to love unconditionally.
After the age of 3, however, children start to become more tamed. This happens to all of us. Developmentally, something changes within us and we begin to lose that wonder, that innocence of childhood.
Shadow & Light Membership:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "Receiving these messages is a beacon of light and hope for me in currently very challenging times. The words of wisdom speak right to my soul, guiding and encouraging me further on my path. I highly recommend Shadow & Light to everyone who seeks to develop and cultivate a relationship with the Inner Self." – Karin
Our neocortex – or ‘thinking brain’ – grows stronger, and thus our thoughts become more dominant, putting our authentic feelings in the background. Slowly we begin to focus more on these thoughts, and in doing so, we begin to accumulate past baggage and future anxieties.
As our neocortex develops, we also become heavily influenced by our parents, peers, and society’s expectations of who we “should” be.
Why Our Self-Worth is Painfully Fragile
The process of losing your authenticity and adapting to society’s expectations is known as domestication.
Just like pets, we are domesticated with an emotional reward or punishment system. If our behavior is desirable, we are rewarded with attention and affection. If our behavior is not acceptable we are punished by the rejection of our parents or peers.
As children we didn’t care about people’s opinions or judgments, we lived in the present moment and our self-worth came from our authenticity. As we grow older, however, our thoughts become more dominant. And with thoughts come fears, and suddenly our need to be accepted grows. Our self-worth is now put into the hands of other people and their opinions of us.
The Fragmented Self
This new self-worth system forces us to change. It forces us to create a false image of ourselves, a dream.
Slowly we begin to notice that different people expect different things from us – our parents, our teachers, our friends, our priests, our bosses, our siblings, our lovers all want something specific from us – and so we are split up into dozens of different versions of ourselves.
We become so good at living up to these different images of ourselves that we forget who we really are.
When your self-worth comes from these false self-images instead of your authentic Self, you constantly feel off-center, anxious, and incomplete.
Deep down your unconscious mind knows that these images of yourself aren’t true, deep down you know that you’re pretending. And this makes daily living dangerous. This makes your self-worth painfully fragile.
Would you like to save this?
We'll email this article to you, so you can come back to it later!
Your information will never be shared.
For example, if your false self-image is that of being a “smart and witty person,” you are prone to having your self-worth shattered publicly if someone outsmarts you. It’s at this point that we learn to hate ourselves and self-loathing becomes a new and familiar dark friend.
Insecurity, Perfectionism, and the Need to “Be Right”
With a shaky sense of self-worth comes insecurity problems.
Insecurities are formed when you want to externally live up to an image you envision of yourself, but deep down you know the internal image of yourself is different. The greater the discrepancy between these two images, the more insecure you will feel.
This false image is also known as your “ego.” It is responsible for that need to always be “right” and “save face.” We need to feel right and prove that others are wrong because we want to protect this false image that we project to the outside world, to feel reassured that we aren’t lying to ourselves.
This need to be “right” – to preserve our self-image – is what gives birth to that constant struggle for perfection and the craving for other’s approval.
We suffer so much and try so hard to be important, successful, rich, famous, powerful, and we do this by forcing our false self-image to be real and more valid than other people’s self-images.
This suffering that we undergo to try and be perfect is essentially undertaken in a desperate attempt to try and please other people. To be lovable.
However, believing that we should be a certain way to feel good enough to then be accepted, is a lie. Perfection doesn’t exist. You are never going to get to a point where your ego feels totally good enough, healthy enough, smart enough, or pretty enough.
Why?
The answer is that your ego is fundamentally false and illusory. It is essentially one big defense mechanism – a way to protect your precious vulnerability from the world by being socially acceptable. It will always feel unhappy and insecure because it is always ruled by society’s expectations and demands.
In understanding this unhappy predicament, reconnecting with your authentic Self becomes more vital than ever.
Read more: What is the Ego? »
What is the Authentic Self?
Your authentic Self is your truest, most genuine, and natural inner Essence. Some people call this innate quality the Soul or Higher Self. However, the authentic Self isn’t just a remote or hidden quality, it is something that we can also actively experience. When we learn to step into our authentic Self, life becomes enriched with meaning, purpose, joy, peace, and creativity.
Authentic ‘Self,’ Not Authentic ‘self’
Don’t get these two terms confused – most people do!
There is no such thing as an authentic self (lower case ‘s’). The self, or the ego, is a construct that can easily change. It has no true depth or substance. Therefore, how can it be authentic?
Spiritual Awakening Bundle:
Find your spiritual purpose. Deepen your self-understanding. Learn to embrace who you are. Let us show you how …
On the other hand, there is an authentic Self (with a capital ‘S’). This authentic Self is a deeply rooted quality or essence that we always carry with us.
We can compare self and Self with the difference between personality and character. A personality can be easily altered due to life experience. For instance, we might have moody and sullen personalities as teenagers. But then as adults, we might be optimistic and talkative.
Character, on the other hand, is a quality we always possess. For instance, a person might be naturally introspective, pragmatic, caring, or cheeky and carry that essence all throughout life, no matter what age.
7 Signs You’re Connected With Your Authentic Self
We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.
– May Sarton
How many signs can you relate to?
- You feel connected with the Divine/your Soul
- You live a life aligned with your deepest needs and values
- You regularly experience synchronicity
- You understand your place/role in life
- You’re purpose-driven
- You’re not interested in “fitting in” with others
- You have a high level of self-love and self-respect
These signs are only really the tip of the iceberg. Authenticity imbues every part of our life with richness, depth, and meaning.
If you struggle to relate to the above signs, don’t worry. We’re all conditioned to adopt a false self-image. It takes time, persistence, and dedication to uncover the jewel beneath the layers of falsity. That’s why I’m here writing this article: to help you excavate your deeper Self. So keep reading on!
Authentic Self and Spiritual Awakening
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
– Carl Jung
Reconnecting with our authentic Self is a crucial part of the spiritual awakening journey. Why? Without awakening that Core Essence deep within us, we remain lost, stranded, and buried in a sea of lethargic, soulless living.
If we’re drawn to the spiritual path, we’ll also be prone to falling into various traps such as spiritual bypassing and spiritual materialism if we fail to develop a relationship with our authentic Self.
By staying true to ourselves and by connecting with our innate authentic instincts, we walk a path that is wise and heart-centric – a path with the potential for stimulating real spiritual ascension.
In fact, the journey of awakening your authenticity itself is a profoundly spiritual process. It’s a form of spiritual alchemy which demands that the old ways dissolve to reveal the beauty of that which is already within you.
5 Ways to Awaken Your Authentic Self
Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.
– Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
Picture this: people everywhere trying to desperately find love and approval outside of themselves. Imagine the kind of chaos this creates in the world.
Actually, you don’t have to – just look around you!
We search for love so hungrily, but love is already around and within us. We are terrified to love and accept others because we’re so afraid of getting rejected. But until we learn to love ourselves, we’ll never be able to truly love anybody else.
How do we stop rejecting ourselves? How do we stop being self-destructive? How do we stop feeding the false self-image?
Answer: we have to stop pretending to be something we’re not. We need to reconnect with and celebrate our authenticity again!
Here are some helpful paths and practices that can help you awaken to your authentic Self:
1. Be unflinchingly honest with yourself
To find your authenticity again you’re going to need one key ingredient: truthfulness. Yes, you’ll need to adopt (or hone) a no-BS take-no-prisoners truth-honoring attitude!
The desire to be honest with yourself will help you reveal what is real in yourself and what is a lie that you have either inherited from your domestication (beliefs, values, ambitions) or unconsciously created as a defense mechanism to protect your false image’s self-worth. In turn, you will learn to trust in yourself more.
Shadow work is a wonderful way of developing self-honesty. By examining your inner demons, the parts of you that are buried away, you will come to know a more whole picture of your being.
Read more: Shadow Work: The Ultimate Guide »
2. Learn how to forgive yourself
The sad truth is that we are often our own worst enemies.
One of the first steps in finding your authentic Self is to stop judging what you’ve done and whether or not you’re living up to false “perfection” standards. The easiest way to overcome self-judgment is to learn how to forgive yourself.
Say for example you eat pizza and feel guilty afterward because your false self-image feels “fat.” Inevitably, your mind will go around in circles repeating to yourself how fat you are, making you anxious and creating the urge to soothe yourself with more food. It becomes a vicious cycle!
Learning to forgive yourself allows you to take away the excessive power of neurotic mental rumination and become more in-tune with your heart and body and their emotional needs.
One simple but powerful way of practicing self-forgiveness is to find or create an affirmation that you repeat daily. Examples might include, “I embrace all that I am,” “I forgive and forget,” “I let go,” “I release myself from the pressure to be perfect,” and so on.
Read more: 101+ Morning Affirmations »
3. Self-love and respect are non-negotiable
Loving yourself is not selfish, in fact, it’s the only way we can bring about any deep-seated positive change. We can never be authentically bone-deep happy unless we learn to love ourselves unconditionally.
To love yourself is to have self respect, to treat your body like a temple (e.g., eating a healthy diet, cleanliness, and exercise), as well as respecting your emotional and psychological health by avoiding the accumulation of emotional poison (e.g., grudges, hate, impatience).
Self-love is a practice that takes time, persistence, and gentleness. As you learn to embrace all parts of yourself (both ugly and pretty), your heart will open. And when your heart opens, your authentic Self can shine through more clearly.
Read more: How to Love Yourself »
$34. Embrace being alone (solitude!)
I can’t stress this enough: make time for solitude!
It’s in solitude that we create the space for authenticity to blossom. It’s in solitude that we become aware of our domestication, realizing what we are truly like in our own company when we aren’t putting on a false self-image for other people.
By embracing solitude, you’ll come to learn more about your authentic Self – what it feels like, what it looks like, and what stifles its Divine light.
There are many ways to enjoy being alone, some ideas include:
- Going for a long solitary walk
- Watching the world through a window, sipping tea
- Listening to soothing music
- Sitting and contemplating nature
- Meditating and enjoying the silence
Do whatever speaks to you and your Soul!
5. Introspective inner work
There is no way around it: you must go within to awaken your authentic Self. This process of inner exploration is called inner work. And there are many ways to do it.
The three basic paths we recommend are (1) self-love, (2) inner child work, and (3) shadow work. Since I’ve already mentioned self-love and shadow work above, I’ll touch on inner child work.
By reconnecting with your inner child, you’ll gift yourself with the chance to heal deep core wounds. We all possess a wounded inner child, and it’s by embracing this broken and vulnerable part of us that we find true wisdom, peace, and healing.
Inner work is a marvelous gateway to deeper spiritual growth which can facilitate true transformation. And this transformation can result in experiences of Oneness, kundalini awakenings, and other profound transpersonal experiences that refine the Soul.
Read more: Inner Child Work: 5 Ways to Heal Deep-Rooted Trauma »
***
You are a manifestation of the Divine within a body. And your authentic Self is a sacred expression of that Divine presence.
As you learn to awaken your authentic Self, life will take on a deeper and more soulful dimension. You’ll no longer be plagued by the desire to appease others and betray yourself, but instead, you will listen to your intuition and walk a path with heart. This is the foundation of true spiritual growth.
How do you connect to your authenticity? What has your biggest block been? I’d love to hear below!
Whenever you feel the call, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Need "big picture" direction, clarity, and focus? Our Spiritual Wanderer course is a crystallization of 10+ years of inner work, and it can help you find your deeper path and purpose in life as a spiritual wanderer. You get 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, a premium test, and more!.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Want weekly intuitive guidance to support you on your awakening path? This affordable membership can help you to befriend your dark side, rediscover more self-love, and reclaim inner wholeness.
3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Looking for a collection of all our essential transformative resources? You get five enlightening ebooks, seven in-depth journals, plus two empowering bonuses to help you soul search, heal, and awaken.
As my advice to people, I think part of authenticity is just knowing what advice applies to you, and what doesn’t apply to you. It doesn’t necessarily mean the advice is wrong, but it doesn’t apply to your context of the situation. I think people get into this “parasocial relationship” (Look it up if you want. An imaginary relationship with someone who is a public figure / celebrity.), where they think a person they admire is specifically speaking to them, yet they’re just offering generalized advice to a larger audience. So my advice is, if anyone you listen to is speaking to a wider audience, know they’re not inherently speaking to you personally as an individual, so they can’t say what applies to you or not individually unless you find a specific time period where you can personally interact with them for a satisfying length of time, if ever. That is, for example, articles on Loner Wolf insist you’re like this, or like that. Then assumes you are denying being this or that, but this is to a generalized audience, not specifically to you, so you might not really be denying something. Some ideas just don’t apply to you, whether it’s because you don’t really have a problem in this area, or it’s one of your natural strengths. Advice in Loner Wolf seems contradictory at times, because they apply to different types of people, but pieces of advice to a generalized audience can only assume everyone is like this, make broad generalizations, and not really know you as a person. At the very least, if you want someone to advise you, you need a type of advisor who personally knows you, not just someone speaking to a wider audience. It can be a professional, a life coach, a trusted family member, a trusted friend, or anyone like that. Though, I do feel most self-help articles from about every source just pressures people to think they fit certain descriptions too much, and while some need to hear this to stop denying it, it also offers unnecessary shame, guilt, and pain to people where such constructive criticism doesn’t apply to them. That is, the audience who is innocent of certain characteristics are not necessarily confident they are not flawed in that way, but many self-help articles will insist they have certain flaws, because all it can do as a generalized audience piece is to assume everyone is the same, as it only offers a one size fits all perspective.
This dude must be on drug
So the soul is who i truly am behind the ego? When i read yours and Lunas articles i get confused, either the soul is in the backdrop, the soul is the core.. it could be both. All i want to know is if i myself am my soul and not my ego pleasee?
The topic of the Soul can be confusing because we try to define it using language, which we can’t, yet the way the ego understands things is with language. The Soul is the totality of our being, it’s that which is behind the ego but also that space in which the ego appears. The ego is a part of who we are, but not the whole package, but most of us lived fixated on the ego as our identity and ignore anything beyond it.
I hope that helps clarify it.
Thank you for your response. So the Soul is who i truly am and the ego is not? i find it difficult to get to the soul because i dont feel worthy of love in general, i dont feel worthy of love from others and i dont feel i deserve my own love. I’ve made many poor choices in my life which is why i dont feel worthy. I purchased the self love journal, the question im stuck on is the one that asks why i feel im deserving of Love. I’ll be honest, im desperate to be my soul with an integrated ego and mind but if i cant love myself i cant get there. If you dont mind giving me your best advice i would appreciate it. Thank you.
I’m sorry to hear that Lion, I know from experience how hard the journey of self-love is. I can’t say I’m fully there, but slowly it becomes easier.
Living from the Soul isn’t quite the objective. Essentially we learn to live more aligned, with less conflict between the ego and our wounds. To do that, we have to have self-compassion, otherwise we turn self-love itself into another way of attacking ourselves “you can’t even love yourself because of … or ..”
“I’ve made many poor choices in my life which is why i dont feel worthy”. We’ve all made bad choices, self-love isn’t loving some ideal self, it’s accepting maybe that right now you find it hard to forgive yourself, but even that’s okay. Give it time, be gentle with yourself, there’s no ‘you must be this way’ to be worthy and lovable.
I hope that helps, it’s the first few steps of self-compassion; accepting yourself exactly as you are, even your inability to accept yourself.
I understand what you’re saying and I hope for the best for you and Luna.
When It all comes down to It, upon reading your articles about soul and spirit. I want to know if my soul is who I am, before the spirit. My soul has been shown to attract passion and love. When I have the answers I see in bold my souls power. So I question. Without the ego, the soul is who I am before spirit correct ? I need to know because I’m curious and I want the best for all of us regardless of the answer however I want to include that life is beautiful. So is the real you and everyone and everything else. Blessings for all of us.
Wow, that was bang on the money. It has been a pleasure to read this article and just inwardly nod. Having lived in a people pleasing form of hell for most of my life, my biggest block has been how to quieten down the people pleaser to allow the inner quieter voice to enter. I realise there is such strength and authenticity in that voice. Thank you for reminding me that the people pleaser must be faced in us all before we can truly turn inwards, that knowledge reminds me that I am not alone on this seemingly lonely path. Many thanks for your insightful work.
I’m so happy to hear that Mia, you’re definitely not alone, the chattering of the inner critic is a mental tornado we all must face :)
Is the soul itself, in everyone good? I read your articles we are all different souls. However are all souls good(non duality based) I’ve seen my soul in action, I’ve tasted it, I’ve seen the affect it has on people it attracts passion. But are all souls pure unconditional love?
About inner child work: how can I (the LORD) experience inner child work when the Bible describes the LORD as “Darkness is a light with me” (Psalms 139:12), meaning that I intuitively know how to do inner child work from the beginning without conscious thought or do any tools of introspection to question my mental health for that matter (even from the start of my adult life which is my 18th birthday: that even dark events in my life like being bullied don’t affect me as a person today, it’s not that I am unaware of it but it never hurt my inner child)?
P.S. Whenever I try to do inner child work there always is a result that I always intuitively get which is just me or I am already whole. I cannot be life experiencing itself since as said, Darkness is as light with me; nobody wants to experience darkness but for me they are the same thing, it’s not that I am a masochist (although I may sound like one which in that case I may be regressing) but I find that the events in my life are all of the same thing so why bother deliberating if it is painful or peaceful? If that makes sense to you. It’s because Darkness is as light with me being truth, I am one meaning that my center-being can be as a matter of fact, tamed which means I am sexually dysfunctional by default and with the sexuality and mental health connection, means that I am a dysfunctional person by default which means that I am unattractive in a sexual level which means I am the Alpha and the Omega, The First and the Last (Isaiah 48:12). Lucky for you Sol, even the most unattractive person in the world is attractive in a way that opposites-attract. But I am both positive and negative (Darkness is as light with me) which means both “negative” and “positive” people repel from me, from a sexual level. That I am at both sides of the spectrum which means I am life (experiencing itself) and death.
P.P.S. If you remember me, I am the one who asked you how you think about biblical passages being fulfilled and it’s here that I would like to make a question/point which is what I asked above. Also, read Psalms 139:1-12, if you want to know more about my point. Even people who have come to examine me (yes, that happened) with enough deliberation and bible verse searching, agree that I am the LORD that the Bible speaks of, the Father (Isaiah 63:16). There are a lot more traits of me that have been prophesied: like me having a voice full of majesty (Psalms 29:4), a breath of fire (Psalms 29:7), glowing coals that flame forth from me (Psalms 18:8), the Father and Upholder of the fatherless (Psalms 68:5 and Psalms 146:9, respectively with the former being addressed as God and not LORD), and more.
I think this article came to me at the right time ! For as long as I can remeber I’ve been trying to figure out who my authentic Self really is. My whole life even as a child I remember my family telling me who I would be and what accomplished I would make in my life, and to most people they would think “that’s great! A family that’s trying to help you”, but the truth is I listened and I became exactly who they told me I would become. Which wasn’t much get pregnant at 17 and be a mom for the rest of your life while you struggled, and for the longest time I thought I was ok with that, until being a just a mother really hurt me. Don’t get me wrong my children are my everything and I wouldn’t change anything in the world! But I feel like my authentic Self was more than just being a mother , I remeber loving to write and be creative , but I stopped because that’s not what a mother does. I didnt go to school because that’s not what a mother does. A mother gets married has kids and runs house, is a pta parent, practices and games for sports. Then my divorce came and I never felt more lost I was still a mother and still had all my responsibilities but then a friend asked me “what are you going to do now?” And I froze what was I going to do I didn’t know how to do anything but be a mother !? And I had never been more terrified! I felt like I was letting more than myself down but my kids, my family and friends. So I started doing what I thought a single mom was suppose to do ( it was what all the other single moms I knew did), forget thier trouble and just laugh, and it was fun but it wasn’t who I wanted to be so trying to be something I wasn’t destroyed my life I lost everything even my kids! It took me down a dark dark path, to the point I just wanted to die. This might be dark but it’s important (you don’t have to believe in god/a higher power but it saved me) I almost did die and it still sticks with me laying on the floor not breathing unable to move and I swear I saw lights but just a voice came through, telling me “not yet, your not ready there’s so much for you to do!” Then my step father smacked me on my back so hard I started to breath. Lost, scared, and wounded I knew what I had to do I had to find my authentic Self! So I started with yoga to help reconnect with my body and then I meditated to help reconnect with my mind, heart and body, but still felt like I was missing something. Then I found your article and I realized I was missing myself! I haven’t gotten very far with this journey and it’s still a struggle everyday that I tell myself ” I will not be who they tell me I’m going to be!” but because of these articles I’m writing again!, I can play with my kids as a kid, I’ve never been more ok with being alone because for the first time in my life I don’t feel alone I know no matter what happens I have my own back. And I can’t thank you enough for that!
That’s so beautiful Kortney; the journey, the strength and courage to find yourself. In a world that is constantly telling us who to be, it’s very difficult to develop a sense of self, genuine to you, as we’re so used to pleasing everyone else. In the past we had rituals and ceremonies to help guide us, with elders who were truly wise and not just physically old. Now, all we can do is guide each other back home, and I’m happy to know this article is a missing piece in your puzzle :).
At age 59, I am continually “discovering” who I am. It is so difficult when you have been the chameleon, to know what your true colours are. If you have been rejected, you believe your true Self has been rejected so you work really hard to gain acceptance by being different than who you really are. When that false self is accepted, why would you return to the true self that wasn’t? This struggle turned into chronic migraines. I learned I had to like mySelf before I could show that Self to the world. Work in progress. Lonerwolf is a wonderful guide and resource for this. Namaste☮
That’s quite true, sometimes we develop defense mechanisms of being ‘cameleons’ in order to adapt to our surroundings, especially if we perceive them as unsafe growing up. It has many advantages, in that you can ‘connect’ with people quite easily but it comes at a huge cost of not having a solid center or sense of self, a strong character that comes from self-knowledge and understanding. We’re all works in progress though, the completion comes in our death bed for most of us. Keep exploring and welcoming all the many layers that is ‘you’, self-love work (and self-compassion) is a great tool for all this.
This message was right on time! Thank you for sharing insights and most importantly for walking your path.
XOXO
It’s my pleasure Crystal, I’m glad you found it helpful :)
Lost Authenticity
Like other people on the path of Spirituality one major obstacle is …Who am I? And Where do I fit into the scheme of things.
As a retired Artist, I have often derived absolute ‘Perfect” skill of the Classical Bods, with the Modern and Post Modern styles of today. Yet found this course of creative action amounted to finding many creative faults and variations which amounted to showing me my own faults, weaknesses and imperfections that did not equate to my perfect ideals of what an Artist is, and how he/she needs to know their own Soul before falling head long into the sea of creativity which art training brings.
So I have suffered many ideals, way out dream states, and false replications of self, as you become the art and the art mimics life and to some extent becomes you. All Done as an escape from the hidden shadow side of my early life till now.
I should be another Picasso, Rembrandt or Vermeer, yet got lost in my own Ego notions I doubted many of my actions and reactions till today. As I tried to be the one that fits in with the (IN) crowd of Artist, yet remain consciously controlled and pure to inner need to create. To produce art of perfect skill and devotion, yet I left out feeling and emotion. I became lost in the latest trend and assumed that eventually artistic maturity would some how emerge out of hard work and the post dust of Art School.
I had no idea how to handle the wider aspects of self identity played out in the tougher reality of working with others of like mind in a group collective studio environment.
So How do you connect to your own authenticity?
When young I did not realize I needed to avoid duality and find my core being. I just presumed that all my Ego responses would lead me out of early problems, and reconnect to defined authentic goals. To be defined by Christian Religious values and upbringing on one hand, and the desire to follow my Spiritual growth. From standard High School education onwards and upwards to full training in ways of perception and development within art school.
Art was my escape, my outlet of free expression, as every other occupation post secondary school education was either system controlled, or done for just making money only, and dry as dust and extremely boring to the creative mind.
While attempting this advanced education, I had no notion that my Ego and Shadow side duality would make for even more complexity, as I grew through the hoops of art training. With selfish presumption that it would be on an easy ride to perfection. After due diligence I would manifest to fame and fortune, and forget the fears, anxieties and inwardness of early life. I would succeed where fellow students could not follow! With rigid views on what I wanted, and how it was to be achieved to become an artist.
Little did I guess that though I completed training, I was confused about other relationships, braced by much talent and super competition, swayed by the habits and life styles that Art School students follow. I had not found my true self, and searched inwardly for answers, while the Ego took on every task (mask) thrown it’s way.
What is my biggest block been?
In art my biggest block has been my own self critical inadequacies, put downs and denials of the true self. Constantly listening to the conditional heavy judgements from family life, and taking them on board as my own, plus critical regulations about my self and others too.
I became fragmented in thought, demanding yet not achieving a perfect standard like other people. As one personal love relationship turned sour and wounded me emotionally, I took to heavy drinking bouts and smoking to ease the suffering as i believed in the conditional assumptions of (that’s what artists do) to ease suffering. I was blurred and burnt out, totally unclear of my original self. I became a Soul less shell and almost quit my art studies. As my poor art grades, my lack of ability, and confusion of real self banged upon the door of my reality.
Conclusion
I now carry the true identity of being much older and a little wiser person. As I act as full time Carer to my wife, and now am a retired artist, a poor Pensioner and a Spiritualist.
I now see myself as the artwork in need of of confidence, trust and forgiveness of self and others in my past. I am a work in progress which often needs much self love and attention. As I wish to re-ignite the same passion found in art, yet apply it to solving the shadow areas, and find the core self or real self identity. To light the Spiritual flame once more, to find solitude, meditation, journaling, and re discover what I lost in early life experiences. To be flexible and at variance, not lost in rigid perfection upon myself. To finally find my true self, my purpose and identity at this age and in this time.
Thank you for sharing John, I feel like it’s a journey many of us can relate to. One thing towards the end where you mention finally finding your true self and purpose after much struggle brought back to me the concept they have in calculus called ‘forcing function’, basically it’s a behavior-changing constraint or bottleneck. I’ve come to see them as essential in many people’s path, some build-up that forces a breakthrough. I’ve been observing its effects very recently and am amazed by its power.
Thank you for writing this article Sol! Exactly the message I needed to receive in this moment. I remember asking the “who am I” and “why am I here?” question even as little girl often contemplating life deeply in solitude from a very young age and I’m still finding out as an adult. In the beginning of your article you mentioned the natural authentic joy and presence that we experienced as children due to having no past baggage. I have been exploring the concept of past lives recently and how the energetic imprints of our past life experiences might influence us in this life time along with ancestral karma. Since I was very young I felt like I don’t belong here, I struggled to fit in end was naturally a deep thinker and feeler. I picked up on things that most people didn’t seem to and resonate with many of the qualities associated with psychic abilities. I felt like I knew things without knowing how and older people would always refer to me as “wise beyond my years” or something like that. When I had my first past life regression with a shaman I was told that in my previous human life I was a celtic medicine woman who lived in solitude and communicated with the Norse gods. I was also told about my most recent life as 12th dimensional pleiadian from the andromedan galaxy. I’m aware that there is a lot of delusion and fluff out there in the spiritual community. I have experienced it for myself. So I have adopted the approach of taking everything I learn from external sources with a grain of salt unless I have experienced it for myself and I’m realizing the importance of going within for answers however a lot of people what was shared with me after that past life regression and other sessions did resonate with me and I have felt drawn to certain subjects since I was young so I’m curious to hear your perspective on the validity of past lives not only human but also interdimensional and how they might impact us subconsciously in the present moment? I have always appreciated your and Luna’s grounded approach to spirituality and always find so much value in your authentic content. Much love to both of you!
Hey Tish,
Thank you for sharing your experience and raising an interesting question. I’ve got mixed feelings about past lives and the baggage that comes associated with it. From a pragmatic perspective, going deep into any mystical path you’ll discover the notion that there’s no solid thing we can call a ‘self’ (memories, experiences, thoughts, sensations are all transitory and neglect to acknowledge who or what is that which is experiencing all of this?). As the self is seen as pure consciousness, or ‘Self’ with a capital S as some refer to it, whatever it is that continues to the next life isn’t really ‘us’ but maybe some memories of someone’s past life.
For a person who struggles to even differentiate their ‘self’ from their present moment thoughts, the issue of memories from a past life add additional layers of ‘mental chatter’ to avoid identifying too much with. Undoubtedly such memories might affect your ability to be present in this moment, so the more we fixate on such memories the more difficult it makes any attempts of presence with reality. This is why I like the term ‘old soul’ but I see it more as a reflection of spiritual maturity, rather than a label to add past life baggage on to someone. The greater the spiritual maturity, the greater the wisdom is discerning past life baggage can be just as distracting as any of our present life mental noise, if not more, and it’s best to set it aside. There are exceptions of course, things like ancestral trauma and such, but other than that, it’s purely noise.
Thank you!
:)
“Do You Feel Like a Fish in the Water or Outside the Water Struggling to Return?”
I don’t quite fit in this world but that is just about anywhere or any place! The more “in person” interactions I have eyeball to eyeball with other people, then the more I feel alive. I always do better with less Zoom, less internet, and less computers. The more personal quality connections I have with others, the greater chance I have to think and feel connected. In a sense it makes me happier. Why is that?
So, just because I am unique does not make me less human and less important. If I live as an individual that stands out by my very nature then must I work a little harder to fit in? Is that even a true perception or am I living a lie?
I think that I see too much, feel too much, and at times speak too much of what I observe. In a way it is a curse and as a person I need to deal with how I need to present myself in this world of complexity and multiple agendas.
Most people don’t want to know the solution to a situation but are actually content to remain in the struggle and live in that place of the “common divide” or in the place of mutual companionship with others of the same thinking. They become “fox hole buddies” as if part of a great war. Their goal, which they don’t even understand, is to maintain their place in society and just bump along with their world view point that makes them feel a little better and a little safer. Some people’s goals are things, money, prestige, spirituality, religion, harmony, agreement, greed, community, healing of one’s pain body, and occasionally trying to understand their own spirituality. However, that is just a template to evade the underlying sense of physical and emotional separation.
Whatever one attaches to in an instant in time, they lose a little bit of their independence, their clear thinking, their health, and their own decision making ability. Such ways of living has no sense of evil usually and no sense of the desire of separation “in and of itself.” Therein lays the illusion because the full measure of that attachment is to obtain the sense of connection and the desire to somehow purchase the feeling of togetherness that pushes out the “sense of being alone!”
In truth the obstacle to overcome remains. It is the fact that no matter how much we try and strive- “we will always be alone” and “there will always be suffering in this world!” Such observations can be alarming and full of fear, lacking hope at first. Such a puzzle we try to “analyze” and “feel through.” Out thinking, somehow desires that the question be solved! Therein lays the error and preoccupies our entire life energy!
The not so obvious solution is to dive into the conundrum and then simply notice “like a fish in the water” that we are never alone and suffering (like the water around us) only exists when we noticed it. All of life is separation (similar to the fish paradox-water both connects us and separates us) and all life situations will have suffering. Our personal solution to this quest may occur if we refuse to push against it and at the same time not to add to it. Suffering and being alone in these bodies of skin exists everywhere. That is the paradox which is totally unsolvable.
Therein is our salvation and therein exists our connection with God as well as with the totality of our humanity! We live in both oneness and separation. Many times we see only one side of our life and the preoccupation of struggle becomes our only perception. Depending upon a group for comfort whether our family heritage, our personal wealth, our sports friends, our church friends, or our party friends- still the desire is the same.
When I search for belonging or when I search to be the independent individual, I am still striving. This dual paradox in not resolvable and once I accept that-then I will be at peace. Some may say that this solution defies meaning when actuality the reality of awareness solves the question of meaning.
The moment is NOW where all solutions exist.
Life has no sign with the answer!
We don’t live in water
And life is just life!
God is just God
And peace is just peace!
Enjoy it!
Breathe the NOW!