Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing but what is true.
– Unmani
Death is a word that we humans usually associate with darkness, mourning, decay, and general creepiness.
We spend our entire lives running away from, avoiding, and denying the fact that we will someday physically die.
However, the death that I’m talking about in this article isn’t the typical kind of death we fear.
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The death I’ll be referring to is the most beautiful, illuminating, awe-inspiring, expansive, enlightening, and paradigm-shattering experience you could ever go through.
This experience is known as “ego death,” and for every serious spiritual seeker, it is a pivotal part of the spiritual awakening journey.
What is the Ego?
In order to understand what ego death is, we must first understand what the ego is.
As I explored in my article “What is the Ego?” the ego is basically our sense of self or our identity.
The ego is a biological and spiritual tool that defends the belief that we are all separate “individual” entities.
As a result of believing that we are separate and isolated in this life, we suffer immensely.
The Ego and Duality
The ego – our sense of self – perceives life through the lens of duality.
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Duality is the opposite of reality – it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong, and holy/sinful.
When we divide life, we suffer.
The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people.
Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we slice it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.
As a result of our feelings of being separate from the Whole (which gives birth to duality), we also begin to reject ourselves.
Any thought, feeling, sensation, experience, or belief we have that is judged to be “bad,” “unacceptable” or “wrong” we suppress, avoid, and deny.
As a result of this repression, we fuel our Shadow Selves which become more twisted and monstrous the longer we keep them buried under shame.
Living through the ego can be observed in our world very clearly.
The depression, anxiety, mental illness, murder, hatred, greed, poverty, war, and environmental destruction we experience is all a reflection of our internal suffering. It is a loss of Soul.
And why do we suffer?
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We suffer because of the separate self we carry (i.e., the ego) that believes it’s a little isolated speck cut off from existence.
What is Ego Death?
I’ve used the term “ego death” in this article because it’s the most popular phrase out there used for such an experience.
But the truth is that the ego can never really “die”; instead, it can be made conscious so that it’s no longer running our lives.
So how can we define “ego death”?
Ego death is the experience of temporarily transcending the ego, self, or personal identity.
This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful, and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have.
Why?
Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.
However, while the experience of ego death is indescribably beautiful, it can also be indescribably horrific for those who are not aware of the spiritual path, and for those who resist the actual experience.
Those who report ego death generally fall into two groups: those who found the experience illuminating, and those who found the experience tormenting.
I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror – and let me tell you, it can turn your life upside down and inside out. (Whether that is a good thing is up to you decide!)
Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss
If you’re familiar with the psychonaut community (a collection of people who use psychedelic substances to access higher states of being), you would have heard of many “ego death” experiences.
Why? The answer is that shamanic plants such as ayahuasca, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms are powerful gateways to the Divine experience.
Psychedelic explorers Dennis and Terence McKenna (who referred to themselves as the “Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss”) often mentioned the state of pure awe and also terror experienced in the face of ego death.
However, as Terence McKenna once said, the abyss must be approached with courage, because only then can you discover that the fear is an illusion:
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Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.
Ego death can feel scary because it is the ultimate threat to the ego: to die. To cease to exist, even for just a minute.
The ego creates intense fear as a defense mechanism to try and hold onto a sense of control and power.
However, to progress on our spiritual paths, we must understand the role of this fear, be mindful of it, and not permit it to limit us.
7 Stages of Ego Death
Ego death happens in stages, and if courageously pursued, eventually results in the experience of Self-Realization, Nirvana, Oneness, spiritual ascension, or Spiritual Enlightenment.
While ego death is not formulaic or necessarily predictable, it does tend to follow a pattern:
Stage 1 — Spiritual Awakening
In the first stage of ego death, we begin to “wake up” to life.
Our process of spiritual awakening might be triggered by an existential crisis, a tragedy, a chronic illness, or simply the natural process of soulful maturing.
When we experience a spiritual awakening, we begin to search for more depth in life. Often, we ask big questions such as “what is my purpose?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “what happens after death?”
Spiritual awakenings are triggered by the sensation that something profound is missing in life and they’re accompanied by feelings of depression and anxiety.
Read more: You can learn more about the spiritual awakening process in our book »
Stage 2 — The Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is inseparable from the spiritual awakening process.
When we experience the Dark Night, we become extremely conscious of our separation from ourselves, other people, and the Divine.
How does the Dark Night often lead to ego death?
The Dark Night of the Soul is a period when we feel utterly lost, lonely and isolated from others. It is the accumulation or culmination of our suffering.
Deep down, we know something has to drastically change in our life, but we don’t know what or where to look.
Often, this experience culminates in a sudden ‘pop’ of the ego bubble – like the cork from a wine bottle suddenly releasing pressure.
Read more: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul »
Stage 3 — The Spiritual Seeker
Eventually, after experiencing a spiritual awakening and Dark Night of the Soul, we stumble into the field of spirituality. We start experimenting with different spiritual practices and find that some alleviate our suffering.
We become obsessed with reducing the suffering we have been carrying and explore many different fields such as energy healing, zen, yoga, astrology, mysticism, etc.
Stage 4 — Satori
The word “Satori” is a Zen Buddhist word that means “momentary enlightenment.” Satori is a small glimpse into your True Nature, or Consciousness itself; a moment when your ego completely dissolves.
For some, this experience is scary, and spiritual growth stagnates. But for others, the Satori experience is deeply life-changing, and spiritual growth continues.
Many describe Satori as being the result of a kundalini awakening.
Read more: What is Kundalini Awakening? (19 Intense Symptoms) »
Stage 5 — Spiritual Discernment
After a certain period of time, we begin to develop spiritual discernment. We discover the gimmicks and spiritual bypassing practices that keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, and separation, and learn practices that open us to the Divine. As we begin to experience more maturity and reconnect with our True Nature, we learn the virtues of self-discipline, patience, and focus.
Read more: Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul »
Stage 6 — Dissolution and Deconstruction
In this stage, we begin to surrender all that we are not.
This stage is not just about identifying our destructive and limiting beliefs and behavior patterns but actually letting go of them and letting the light in.
Grace, discipline, trust, courage, non-attachment, humility, and love all play an important role in this process.
Stage 7 — The End of the Search
Finally, we come to a stop. We realize that all that we are, and all that we need, can be found right Now.
The search to become something, to lose something, to find something, and to accomplish something perishes.
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$3We see through the illusion of looking for truth, joy, peace, and love in any place outside of ourselves.
We see the truth that we are mirrored in all beings and all things.
We experience interconnectedness and Oneness.
While the ego still exists, we become aware of the ego as simply a tool; not the Truth of Who We Are.
Transcending duality and the grip of the ego, we develop the capacity to give unconditional love and acceptance.
This is the state of ultimate inner peace, freedom, and what people refer to as “enlightenment,” yet those who experience this know that no possible label or mental construct can describe such an experience.
The end is the beginning, and the beginning is the end.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
– T. S. Eliot
FAQ About Ego Death
If you needed more clarity, here are some answers to common questions:
Ego death is an intense experience that can alternate between feelings of horror and ecstatic bliss. While one person may experience nothing but terror, another may experience only cosmic Oneness. But often, most people experience both extremes while undergoing ego death.
Usually, ego death is such a paradigm-shifting and mind-blowing experience that a person’s life will change forever. What happens after ego death often involves a lot of soul searching. The person will be inspired to seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and will embark on a spiritual quest for answers. Most people forget about the importance of spiritual integration after this experience – which is crucial to make the most of it!
Some people deliberately seek out ego death to try and achieve a mystical experience. However, a word of caution: this experience can be extremely dangerous for those unprepared (see: spiritual emergency). Once you’ve checked your intentions, you’ll be pleased to know that there are quite a few paths to ego death. Some examples include attending long meditation retreats, entering altered states of consciousness through mystical paths like dancing or chanting, and ingesting psychedelic substances. For serious spiritual seekers, almost every mystical tradition offers pathways to ego death.
***
Ego death is a serious, purging, profound, and shattering experience.
It is so deep and so beyond anything we have experienced in this life, that it changes our perception of existence in a single moment.
I hope these “stages” have helped you to understand it better.
Finally, I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote to ponder about death itself:
Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die – and find that there is no death.
– Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Ruminate on this process, and let me know what you think.
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Oh. Oh. OH!! When we divide life we suffer!! When we’re in duality we suffer!! Oh okay!! Okay!! Let’s eradicate that suffering by separating everything into duality and unity!! Let’s eradicate that suffering by separating myself into ego and source into first place!! Cause THAT worked SO WELL and THAT is going to eradicate duality FOR SURE!! Oh THANK YOU for teaching me what I REALLY REALLY REALLY HAD TO KNOW. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I have a question.
When the Ego gets reformed, is it normal to experince great grief, confusion and dissary? Like the destruction and shedding of what I am not, it is not so.. pleasant.
On the second day of my ego death I felt like it had taken over before i was able to get back to my body. So I woke up back into my ego. I was miserable and mad and negative. I got high and the third day crept in and I’m now just aware and at peace with not being at peace. Idk if this helps but it’s weird
Hello Fellow Particle,
As you already know, I was with you in the beginning and will love to the ‘end’
I would like to reply to the post in the Facebook portion of the comments by “Domi Dobrikova”, unfortunately, I do not have a Facebook account, so I cannot comment in that section.
The blogger you were speaking of, in my humble opinion, may have had an experience, which in the context of the psychedelic experience, is akin to a “bad trip”. This is the person’s self, standing on the precipice of one of the most powerful realizations that can occur, which is that the ego only exist’s as an illusion, that the ego is purely nothing trying to convince itself it is something. What sometimes can happen, is that the ego perceives it’s “existence” as being threatened, so in order to anchor the person’s conciousness into the ego reality, it basically manufactures and brings to life the individual’s personal fears and plays them out as “reality”.
I obviously can’t say that this is what happened, but only that it is a possibility.
By the way, this was a wonderful article!
Do you believe its possible to experience this sort of awakening working on a 9-5 job? I also noticed how it was written that the ego is what gives rise to duality rather then the singularity which existed primordially. In the gospel of Thomas, Jesus states that when you stop seeing as two and everything as one, then the kingdom will come upon you (enlightenment).
Hello,
I have so e joyed every word I have read here. So grateful to have discovered Lonerwolf. Truly a gift to all of us who have been brought to this crossroad.
How do you get to the point of “ the death of our ego”. I know it what keeps me in bondage. I have been trying to break free and have the peace I do desire. I have been going thru my “ deconstruction “ for quite awhile now , I have experienced the dark night of the soul, the complete shattering/ but I can still feel the resistance. I just want to be free!!
Any insight would be tremendously appreciated and helpful.
Thank you for what you do!!
Psychedelics is the best way to achieve an Ego Death – although it is not guaranteed. You need to set forth an intention before you delve into a psychedelic substance. Of course, I would never promote anybody to do this, and would recommend having a trip sitter. The truth is, when you’re going through this, your ego will put out all the stops to keep you grounded in reality, but soon, the fabric and understanding of your existence begins to shatter. All you can do then is to stop fighting the feeling and let your ego die, before being renewed. It may be scary, mine was absolutely terrifying in the beginning, and I thought I’d lost my mind.
This is absolutely worth pursuing if you’re a spiritual seeker. I never intended, or knew much about an Ego Death until it was actually happening to me and I saw in my mind a small boy trying to resist and fight, which I figure was the idea of my ego in the shape of a young me. When I come out of this experience my ego finally decided to let go, I was struck with the feeling of nirvana and oneness with everything. I also felt the presence of something special: God, Creator, Universe, whatever you’d like to think of the higher source as.
Honestly, trying to read this, I’m so confused. Have I had this happen to me when I was young or was it always like this?
What’s this ego “death”, when finding things spiritually is finding bits and pieces of who I am? The things I’ve lost..
People say that ego death is like… Not caring anymore about stupid things like popularity and pleasures. But did I ever care about something like that in the first place? I don’t ever remember doing that.
So… I’m just so confused, I’ve been confused for a while trying to read about this.
Like… I’m not like… Killing any part of myself off, I feel like I’m doing the opposite. Like there’s pieces locked away… And I’m freeing those pieces.
The deeper I go into spirituality and learning, the more I find ways to free myself.
So I’m just so confused, what others mean by… Death of this… No, I’m learning.. it’s.. death would be meaningless at this point, I’d have to start over.
All the fancy terms like spiritual and enlightenment cloak the real fact that our so called control of life (planning, dreaming, hoping) are just imaginative schemes run by a brain programmed for hope. Media feel good stories, Hollywood movies, religious literature, and all spiritual movements reinforce these schemes by highlighting the one incidence of an event (such as a person who at the right moment won the lottery or someone parted the sea at the nick of time) and makes peoples BELIEVE that all this is actually likely for YOU. We all, you, me, I, buy into it and then go about suffering when it doesn’t happen. Reality: It can’t happen. It could, if you try a 100 times, once, perhaps by chance, but doesn’t mean anything more than that. Once you are at the mercy of circumstance–that beggar on the street, that person in the UK without the right education, that person in the US who is incarcerated for no fault simply because of the system–you realize the dishonesty of the world and the powerlessness of your being.
I believe this is EGO death brought about by life’s circumstance. It is waking up–not some sexy awakening–and it is not profound. It is dry, desolate, and honest. You realize at that point that everyone else is truly living a dream–basically, everyone has brought into everything that doesn’t work.
Other than that, people approaching so called ego death with drugs–that isn’t ego death. That is simply brain disassociation, where you make train or trick the brain into stopping serial processing; so you make it parallel process. It is temporary– which is why it always wears off–and it is harmful–otherwise we wouldn’t have evolved a serial processing brain. Proof comes from how even great mystics who have ego death that is permanent have either had an accident (including those taking drugs) or have undergone intense meditation (Ramana Mahrishi, Buddha all did this for years) or some form of intense agony (Ekhart Tolle, Abrahm all were depressed and suicidal). The latter need to continue meditation all the time, otherwise they loose it. And all of them, regardless of how they achieve it, are functionally useless. So people like Ramana Maharishi were basically ascetics, while people like Ekhart Tolle was lucky to be discovered. He surely isn’t the person who want in an office or a foxhole or even as a husband. He is best pontificating from a distance.
I must move beyond stages, through destruction, past the lower/limitation/reproduction.
Basically anyone who has experienced abject hopelessness for a prolonged period of time, one who is at a vagaries of other people’s decisions and other powers, and one who is completely unable to control or manifest anything–they have ego death. Think of the person committed to an asylum or the wrongly convicted person on death row–they, without drugs, have nothing other than ego death. I am one of those people. It is neither profound nor illuminating. It is just abject, the nadir of existence, and the bowels of the void. Here on you have no hope–because hope is the ego’s hold to a future it imagines; you have no faith–because faith is a belief that someone is looking out for you (the ego); and from here you have no will–because that is a belief that you can do something about any of it or that it even matters. Until the 20th century, people all over the world were often conquered by marauding forces, life was uncertain, and death was everywhere. Hence, ego did not matter. Now all of us see others living and believe, have faith, and form delusions of hope that things should work in a certain way. It need not. When you get to that realization, you aren’t awakened. You are rational and honest.
Hi Aletheia Luna,
Great write up on 7 stages, I resonate with it based on my own experience, and would like to get some advise from you, as I think you have really walked the path.
At stage 3, I ended up taking up Vipassana. And there, I had pretty scary experience on 7th day and stopped the process right there, and waited for 10 days to complete the process formally. I started searching for what I experienced was due to wrong practice or expected result of such practices, I was confused. I also heard some experts saying such spiritual practices are dangerous and some people suffer for the rest of their life due to these practices, and some end up in mental hospitals. Somehow, deep inside, I now feel, it is not the case, and perhaps my ego is so strong , I resisted it, and not allowed it to pass through.
My search continues, as I am stuck and stopped all practices for at least one year, but have deep urge to continue my spiritual journey . I also feel all practices are really not useful at the same time.
Thank you,
Aravind