Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing but what is true.
– Unmani
Death is a word that we humans usually associate with darkness, mourning, decay, and general creepiness.
We spend our entire lives running away from, avoiding, and denying the fact that we will someday physically die.
However, the death that I’m talking about in this article isn’t the typical kind of death we fear.
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The death I’ll be referring to is the most beautiful, illuminating, awe-inspiring, expansive, enlightening, and paradigm-shattering experience you could ever go through.
This experience is known as “ego death,” and for every serious spiritual seeker, it is a pivotal part of the spiritual awakening journey.
What is the Ego?
In order to understand what ego death is, we must first understand what the ego is.
As I explored in my article “What is the Ego?” the ego is basically our sense of self or our identity.
The ego is a biological and spiritual tool that defends the belief that we are all separate “individual” entities.
As a result of believing that we are separate and isolated in this life, we suffer immensely.
The Ego and Duality
The ego – our sense of self – perceives life through the lens of duality.
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Duality is the opposite of reality – it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong, and holy/sinful.
When we divide life, we suffer.
The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people.
Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we slice it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.
As a result of our feelings of being separate from the Whole (which gives birth to duality), we also begin to reject ourselves.
Any thought, feeling, sensation, experience, or belief we have that is judged to be “bad,” “unacceptable” or “wrong” we suppress, avoid, and deny.
As a result of this repression, we fuel our Shadow Selves which become more twisted and monstrous the longer we keep them buried under shame.
Living through the ego can be observed in our world very clearly.
The depression, anxiety, mental illness, murder, hatred, greed, poverty, war, and environmental destruction we experience is all a reflection of our internal suffering. It is a loss of Soul.
And why do we suffer?
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We suffer because of the separate self we carry (i.e., the ego) that believes it’s a little isolated speck cut off from existence.
What is Ego Death?
I’ve used the term “ego death” in this article because it’s the most popular phrase out there used for such an experience.
But the truth is that the ego can never really “die”; instead, it can be made conscious so that it’s no longer running our lives.
So how can we define “ego death”?
Ego death is the experience of temporarily transcending the ego, self, or personal identity.
This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful, and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have.
Why?
Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.
However, while the experience of ego death is indescribably beautiful, it can also be indescribably horrific for those who are not aware of the spiritual path, and for those who resist the actual experience.
Those who report ego death generally fall into two groups: those who found the experience illuminating, and those who found the experience tormenting.
I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror – and let me tell you, it can turn your life upside down and inside out. (Whether that is a good thing is up to you decide!)
Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss
If you’re familiar with the psychonaut community (a collection of people who use psychedelic substances to access higher states of being), you would have heard of many “ego death” experiences.
Why? The answer is that shamanic plants such as ayahuasca, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms are powerful gateways to the Divine experience.
Psychedelic explorers Dennis and Terence McKenna (who referred to themselves as the “Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss”) often mentioned the state of pure awe and also terror experienced in the face of ego death.
However, as Terence McKenna once said, the abyss must be approached with courage, because only then can you discover that the fear is an illusion:
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Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.
Ego death can feel scary because it is the ultimate threat to the ego: to die. To cease to exist, even for just a minute.
The ego creates intense fear as a defense mechanism to try and hold onto a sense of control and power.
However, to progress on our spiritual paths, we must understand the role of this fear, be mindful of it, and not permit it to limit us.
7 Stages of Ego Death
Ego death happens in stages, and if courageously pursued, eventually results in the experience of Self-Realization, Nirvana, Oneness, spiritual ascension, or Spiritual Enlightenment.
While ego death is not formulaic or necessarily predictable, it does tend to follow a pattern:
Stage 1 — Spiritual Awakening
In the first stage of ego death, we begin to “wake up” to life.
Our process of spiritual awakening might be triggered by an existential crisis, a tragedy, a chronic illness, or simply the natural process of soulful maturing.
When we experience a spiritual awakening, we begin to search for more depth in life. Often, we ask big questions such as “what is my purpose?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “what happens after death?”
Spiritual awakenings are triggered by the sensation that something profound is missing in life and they’re accompanied by feelings of depression and anxiety.
Read more: You can learn more about the spiritual awakening process in our book »
Stage 2 — The Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is inseparable from the spiritual awakening process.
When we experience the Dark Night, we become extremely conscious of our separation from ourselves, other people, and the Divine.
How does the Dark Night often lead to ego death?
The Dark Night of the Soul is a period when we feel utterly lost, lonely and isolated from others. It is the accumulation or culmination of our suffering.
Deep down, we know something has to drastically change in our life, but we don’t know what or where to look.
Often, this experience culminates in a sudden ‘pop’ of the ego bubble – like the cork from a wine bottle suddenly releasing pressure.
Read more: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul »
Stage 3 — The Spiritual Seeker
Eventually, after experiencing a spiritual awakening and Dark Night of the Soul, we stumble into the field of spirituality. We start experimenting with different spiritual practices and find that some alleviate our suffering.
We become obsessed with reducing the suffering we have been carrying and explore many different fields such as energy healing, zen, yoga, astrology, mysticism, etc.
Stage 4 — Satori
The word “Satori” is a Zen Buddhist word that means “momentary enlightenment.” Satori is a small glimpse into your True Nature, or Consciousness itself; a moment when your ego completely dissolves.
For some, this experience is scary, and spiritual growth stagnates. But for others, the Satori experience is deeply life-changing, and spiritual growth continues.
Many describe Satori as being the result of a kundalini awakening.
Read more: What is Kundalini Awakening? (19 Intense Symptoms) »
Stage 5 — Spiritual Discernment
After a certain period of time, we begin to develop spiritual discernment. We discover the gimmicks and spiritual bypassing practices that keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, and separation, and learn practices that open us to the Divine. As we begin to experience more maturity and reconnect with our True Nature, we learn the virtues of self-discipline, patience, and focus.
Read more: Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul »
Stage 6 — Dissolution and Deconstruction
In this stage, we begin to surrender all that we are not.
This stage is not just about identifying our destructive and limiting beliefs and behavior patterns but actually letting go of them and letting the light in.
Grace, discipline, trust, courage, non-attachment, humility, and love all play an important role in this process.
Stage 7 — The End of the Search
Finally, we come to a stop. We realize that all that we are, and all that we need, can be found right Now.
The search to become something, to lose something, to find something, and to accomplish something perishes.
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$3We see through the illusion of looking for truth, joy, peace, and love in any place outside of ourselves.
We see the truth that we are mirrored in all beings and all things.
We experience interconnectedness and Oneness.
While the ego still exists, we become aware of the ego as simply a tool; not the Truth of Who We Are.
Transcending duality and the grip of the ego, we develop the capacity to give unconditional love and acceptance.
This is the state of ultimate inner peace, freedom, and what people refer to as “enlightenment,” yet those who experience this know that no possible label or mental construct can describe such an experience.
The end is the beginning, and the beginning is the end.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
– T. S. Eliot
FAQ About Ego Death
If you needed more clarity, here are some answers to common questions:
Ego death is an intense experience that can alternate between feelings of horror and ecstatic bliss. While one person may experience nothing but terror, another may experience only cosmic Oneness. But often, most people experience both extremes while undergoing ego death.
Usually, ego death is such a paradigm-shifting and mind-blowing experience that a person’s life will change forever. What happens after ego death often involves a lot of soul searching. The person will be inspired to seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and will embark on a spiritual quest for answers. Most people forget about the importance of spiritual integration after this experience – which is crucial to make the most of it!
Some people deliberately seek out ego death to try and achieve a mystical experience. However, a word of caution: this experience can be extremely dangerous for those unprepared (see: spiritual emergency). Once you’ve checked your intentions, you’ll be pleased to know that there are quite a few paths to ego death. Some examples include attending long meditation retreats, entering altered states of consciousness through mystical paths like dancing or chanting, and ingesting psychedelic substances. For serious spiritual seekers, almost every mystical tradition offers pathways to ego death.
***
Ego death is a serious, purging, profound, and shattering experience.
It is so deep and so beyond anything we have experienced in this life, that it changes our perception of existence in a single moment.
I hope these “stages” have helped you to understand it better.
Finally, I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote to ponder about death itself:
Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die – and find that there is no death.
– Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Ruminate on this process, and let me know what you think.
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Thank you for this writing. The universe knows what to send when it is needed. I have been trying to identify this nameless “thing” that I have been dancing around and this struggle with ego seems to ring true. I will continue to read and re-read as I awaken and understand this.
This is very good.
“I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror.”, then you have not “experienced” ego death. As long as you are experiencing something such as fear or ecstasy, then you are experiencing the self or ego. I’m surprised you don’t understand this.
The experience of pure horror was that of the ego dying (and being aware of itself dying). Pure ecstasy was the term I gave it after the experience. While it was happening, there were no thoughts, no sense of “me” or “mine.”
Fantastic!
I have bern strugglingbfor yhat deeper meaning for so long not realizing the stages. Thank you as i continue to let go.
Exactly! I also claim that subjectivity is inevitable and it’s a choice to act on a way. You nailed it perfectly!
I’m spiritual and I value most of the work if Luna and Sol but at the same time I don’t totally agree with all of them and that’s okey cuz SUBJECTIVITY!
One day with my friend I took strips of candy edibles about 9inchs long, I took a couple of them. They were pretty good so I took a couple more strips about 5inchs each. But what I didn’t know at the time was that edibles are psychedelics. So about a hour later it hits me hard and I’m just tripping. In my mind it felt like I needed to grab onto something like something was gonna happen. Ever since then my life slowly was changing. I had memory loss, eventually loss my sense of self, and basically had a ego death. Some people say it last minutes or even hours but it’s been 2 years and now it feels like i barley know myself. I just use my senses to get around I don’t really talk to people I just answer. It’s been a terrifying experience and I wish I can go back and not take the edibles. If anybody knows how to get my ego back or help me through this experience I would really appreciate it thank you
@Juan Gress I had a similar experience with an edible that was too much. It can be helpful to find a group that does psychedelic integration where you can talk about the experience.
Is it you who need your ego back, or the world around that needs their ego death? dear anons, i believe the death of the ego is not only a spiritual awakening but also a step required to the evolution of mankind itself. Remember when we were nomads, hunter gatherers? who would imagine mankind would go so far when society was born? how many progress was achieved both in physical, mental and spiritual dimensions? look at all the wonderful creations we have thanks for the break of old paradigms and stigmas, and imagine what wonders wait for us when we finally reach the next level of existence as a culture of living creatures with both self and beyond self awareness, we will finally reach for the stars.
I’m 13 years in. I’m blown away because this describes the last 13 years for me. Thank you.
My experience has been nonlinear and not exactly in the same order. I spent most of my life in what felt like a Dark Night of the Soul. Honestly. It wasn’t just mental illness. Articles on Dark Nights really do describe most of my life. And I was neck-deep in shadow work for 20 years strong. Then with the help of a few ayahuasca ceremonies a few years ago, I had a profound spiritual awakening. Life changing. I was in a semi-euphoric, all-is-one and I am so loved and AM love state for a few months after. Then came a crash into a soul-crushing depression. I recovered and have been functional and even happy at times since. Still feel awake but am also unhappy. Life feels meaningless. I feel so lonely much of the time. Is this a refusal to surrender and expecting life to look a certain way, the way it used to? I wish I knew how to get to the next step, and I know it’s not by doing. It’s a letting go. I just can’t figure out what I’m holding onto and why I’m stuck here.
Yes, that is an existential crisis, but this is because the mind cannot make sense of the non dual nature of the experiences that you had on Ayuasca, and can only mentally interpret based on duality, the physical world comprised of hot and cold. It’s not one or the other, the self that you encountered during your trip can also encompass the false self as a tool, a small PART of the whole which you experienced. More meditation and less thinking. It’s not a problem to solve with thoughts, the thoughts aren’t wrong, they are probably as right as thoughts can be, since thoughts deal with absolutes, but enlightenment to your true WHOLE nature is beyond thoughts and “knowing” what something is with a mental definition. I suggest listening to the audiobook called “falling into grace” it’s on audible, by teacher Adyashanti. He guides you into this states really well via audio recording. At least for me it helped. I was in a place that you describe for about 7 years. I barely worked I was so lost. Anyone can find their way back and you will be better off for going through it all. Much love. I admire your strength, courage and perseverance.
This was beyond amazing.
do you know if depersonalization is at all connected to this?