Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing but what is true.
– Unmani
Death is a word that we humans usually associate with darkness, mourning, decay, and general creepiness.
We spend our entire lives running away from, avoiding, and denying the fact that we will someday physically die.
However, the death that I’m talking about in this article isn’t the typical kind of death we fear.
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The death I’ll be referring to is the most beautiful, illuminating, awe-inspiring, expansive, enlightening, and paradigm-shattering experience you could ever go through.
This experience is known as “ego death,” and for every serious spiritual seeker, it is a pivotal part of the spiritual awakening journey.
What is the Ego?
In order to understand what ego death is, we must first understand what the ego is.
As I explored in my article “What is the Ego?” the ego is basically our sense of self or our identity.
The ego is a biological and spiritual tool that defends the belief that we are all separate “individual” entities.
As a result of believing that we are separate and isolated in this life, we suffer immensely.
The Ego and Duality
The ego – our sense of self – perceives life through the lens of duality.
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Duality is the opposite of reality – it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong, and holy/sinful.
When we divide life, we suffer.
The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people.
Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we slice it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.
As a result of our feelings of being separate from the Whole (which gives birth to duality), we also begin to reject ourselves.
Any thought, feeling, sensation, experience, or belief we have that is judged to be “bad,” “unacceptable” or “wrong” we suppress, avoid, and deny.
As a result of this repression, we fuel our Shadow Selves which become more twisted and monstrous the longer we keep them buried under shame.
Living through the ego can be observed in our world very clearly.
The depression, anxiety, mental illness, murder, hatred, greed, poverty, war, and environmental destruction we experience is all a reflection of our internal suffering. It is a loss of Soul.
And why do we suffer?
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We suffer because of the separate self we carry (i.e., the ego) that believes it’s a little isolated speck cut off from existence.
What is Ego Death?
I’ve used the term “ego death” in this article because it’s the most popular phrase out there used for such an experience.
But the truth is that the ego can never really “die”; instead, it can be made conscious so that it’s no longer running our lives.
So how can we define “ego death”?
Ego death is the experience of temporarily transcending the ego, self, or personal identity.
This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful, and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have.
Why?
Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.
However, while the experience of ego death is indescribably beautiful, it can also be indescribably horrific for those who are not aware of the spiritual path, and for those who resist the actual experience.
Those who report ego death generally fall into two groups: those who found the experience illuminating, and those who found the experience tormenting.
I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror – and let me tell you, it can turn your life upside down and inside out. (Whether that is a good thing is up to you decide!)
Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss
If you’re familiar with the psychonaut community (a collection of people who use psychedelic substances to access higher states of being), you would have heard of many “ego death” experiences.
Why? The answer is that shamanic plants such as ayahuasca, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms are powerful gateways to the Divine experience.
Psychedelic explorers Dennis and Terence McKenna (who referred to themselves as the “Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss”) often mentioned the state of pure awe and also terror experienced in the face of ego death.
However, as Terence McKenna once said, the abyss must be approached with courage, because only then can you discover that the fear is an illusion:
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Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.
Ego death can feel scary because it is the ultimate threat to the ego: to die. To cease to exist, even for just a minute.
The ego creates intense fear as a defense mechanism to try and hold onto a sense of control and power.
However, to progress on our spiritual paths, we must understand the role of this fear, be mindful of it, and not permit it to limit us.
7 Stages of Ego Death
Ego death happens in stages, and if courageously pursued, eventually results in the experience of Self-Realization, Nirvana, Oneness, spiritual ascension, or Spiritual Enlightenment.
While ego death is not formulaic or necessarily predictable, it does tend to follow a pattern:
Stage 1 — Spiritual Awakening
In the first stage of ego death, we begin to “wake up” to life.
Our process of spiritual awakening might be triggered by an existential crisis, a tragedy, a chronic illness, or simply the natural process of soulful maturing.
When we experience a spiritual awakening, we begin to search for more depth in life. Often, we ask big questions such as “what is my purpose?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “what happens after death?”
Spiritual awakenings are triggered by the sensation that something profound is missing in life and they’re accompanied by feelings of depression and anxiety.
Read more: You can learn more about the spiritual awakening process in our book »
Stage 2 — The Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is inseparable from the spiritual awakening process.
When we experience the Dark Night, we become extremely conscious of our separation from ourselves, other people, and the Divine.
How does the Dark Night often lead to ego death?
The Dark Night of the Soul is a period when we feel utterly lost, lonely and isolated from others. It is the accumulation or culmination of our suffering.
Deep down, we know something has to drastically change in our life, but we don’t know what or where to look.
Often, this experience culminates in a sudden ‘pop’ of the ego bubble – like the cork from a wine bottle suddenly releasing pressure.
Read more: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul »
Stage 3 — The Spiritual Seeker
Eventually, after experiencing a spiritual awakening and Dark Night of the Soul, we stumble into the field of spirituality. We start experimenting with different spiritual practices and find that some alleviate our suffering.
We become obsessed with reducing the suffering we have been carrying and explore many different fields such as energy healing, zen, yoga, astrology, mysticism, etc.
Stage 4 — Satori
The word “Satori” is a Zen Buddhist word that means “momentary enlightenment.” Satori is a small glimpse into your True Nature, or Consciousness itself; a moment when your ego completely dissolves.
For some, this experience is scary, and spiritual growth stagnates. But for others, the Satori experience is deeply life-changing, and spiritual growth continues.
Many describe Satori as being the result of a kundalini awakening.
Read more: What is Kundalini Awakening? (19 Intense Symptoms) »
Stage 5 — Spiritual Discernment
After a certain period of time, we begin to develop spiritual discernment. We discover the gimmicks and spiritual bypassing practices that keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, and separation, and learn practices that open us to the Divine. As we begin to experience more maturity and reconnect with our True Nature, we learn the virtues of self-discipline, patience, and focus.
Read more: Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul »
Stage 6 — Dissolution and Deconstruction
In this stage, we begin to surrender all that we are not.
This stage is not just about identifying our destructive and limiting beliefs and behavior patterns but actually letting go of them and letting the light in.
Grace, discipline, trust, courage, non-attachment, humility, and love all play an important role in this process.
Stage 7 — The End of the Search
Finally, we come to a stop. We realize that all that we are, and all that we need, can be found right Now.
The search to become something, to lose something, to find something, and to accomplish something perishes.
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$3We see through the illusion of looking for truth, joy, peace, and love in any place outside of ourselves.
We see the truth that we are mirrored in all beings and all things.
We experience interconnectedness and Oneness.
While the ego still exists, we become aware of the ego as simply a tool; not the Truth of Who We Are.
Transcending duality and the grip of the ego, we develop the capacity to give unconditional love and acceptance.
This is the state of ultimate inner peace, freedom, and what people refer to as “enlightenment,” yet those who experience this know that no possible label or mental construct can describe such an experience.
The end is the beginning, and the beginning is the end.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
– T. S. Eliot
FAQ About Ego Death
If you needed more clarity, here are some answers to common questions:
Ego death is an intense experience that can alternate between feelings of horror and ecstatic bliss. While one person may experience nothing but terror, another may experience only cosmic Oneness. But often, most people experience both extremes while undergoing ego death.
Usually, ego death is such a paradigm-shifting and mind-blowing experience that a person’s life will change forever. What happens after ego death often involves a lot of soul searching. The person will be inspired to seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and will embark on a spiritual quest for answers. Most people forget about the importance of spiritual integration after this experience – which is crucial to make the most of it!
Some people deliberately seek out ego death to try and achieve a mystical experience. However, a word of caution: this experience can be extremely dangerous for those unprepared (see: spiritual emergency). Once you’ve checked your intentions, you’ll be pleased to know that there are quite a few paths to ego death. Some examples include attending long meditation retreats, entering altered states of consciousness through mystical paths like dancing or chanting, and ingesting psychedelic substances. For serious spiritual seekers, almost every mystical tradition offers pathways to ego death.
***
Ego death is a serious, purging, profound, and shattering experience.
It is so deep and so beyond anything we have experienced in this life, that it changes our perception of existence in a single moment.
I hope these “stages” have helped you to understand it better.
Finally, I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote to ponder about death itself:
Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die – and find that there is no death.
– Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Ruminate on this process, and let me know what you think.
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I am fifteen years old and I am currently going through spiritual awakening, it is really a beautiful experience that no words can describe. I think I am in stage four, but my ego controls me every now and then, and it makes me feel miserable. Any way after a while I have a reality check and my soul wins.
I just hate this moments when the ego takes control and i feel life is useless and empty, sometimes I feel tired from from fighting sadness and depression that I end up surrendering to the ego.
I am really enjoying this enchanting process, but I can’t wait till it’s over. I am very tired of fighting my thoughts.<
Oof, I’m 12 and going though this.
The day I stopped searching for fulfillment is the day I found it. The day I realized that being able to adapt and overcome any situation is true happiness. Have faith in yourself. If you don’t then prove to yourself you should. If you feel empty then eat your favorite treat and enjoy every second of it. Our true nature as pleasure seeking animals is our source of fulfillment. Once you’ve learned to view your ego from an objective view then you can strengthen it and do anything in this world. What is the point of doing anything? The point is one day you won’t be here so you better get on it.
for the last week I feel like I’m going through 10 ego deaths per day and the terror and fear are extremely high. I feel that I’m experiencing both an ego death and a dark night of the soul at the same time. I have experienced them both seperatly before. Also it feels like my ego has gotten better at defending itself, when I have clearer moments I can see how it’s blocking and doing anything to keep the status quo . I also feel so much judgment towards myself for being here “again”, it can feel like the pain, suffering and confusion will never stop and the only true thing in life is this suffering – love is not allowed in anywhere, it’s all so tight and constricted.
Do you have any advice on how to move through this mini hell experience with more love? I feel all over the place and soo scared, I appreciate any support
I’m sorry to hear that Julia, the waves of panic and dread out of the blue and all that can come with an ego death can be quite disorienting. You may want to try some of the techniques we mention in the Spiritual Emergency article to get you grounded and stabilize the experience. As the old Nietzsche quote goes: “When you stare long enough into the void, the void stares back at you.”
Can you experience the dark night of the soul before spritual awakening?
I believe I’m at the 4th stage. I experienced three phases of ego death and the first one was my most tormentful. It happened out of the blue and it scared me because I felt nothing. No negative emotions basically but when I was aware of that, my ego began to speak louder than ever before. It made me feel scared because I thought I was lacking the feeling of love for everyone and everything but in the second phase, I realized that I was scared because we are so used to having the ego controlling us that not having it in control at all might feel alienating. That makes you realize as well that all that’s left within you is pure love and no attachments to anything.
I am 22 years old, I believe I may have finished all of these stages. I’m going on week two since eating an eighth of mushrooms and a double dose of acid. I cannot begin to explain everything that I experienced. However I believe I tripped for over 24 hours honestly not too sure when it all actually ended but my setting was not the right place and I was put in a mental hospital for days, blacking in and out not remembering what happened however deep down I remained calm. It took me days to get back to normal and get my mind my organized. However I feel like my entire life has changed, in the best way possible… I was also micro dosing for days before that and I believe I “chased the dragon”. I cannot explain the things I experienced but I saw the good and bad. If I told someone everything I experienced detail to detail from when I ate it, being in the hospital twice, to this day no one would understand and I would seem like I’m crazy. I appreciate every single thing about this experience. I do feel like I’m no longer suffering or afraid.
Every time I think I’ve reached the end of inner suffering , I’m blinded by fear of losing who I am, who I am is one thing, one passion that has held me together forever, one passion that Im too scared to loose, something that I love so deeply. Sometimes I feel like I’m loosing my passion, which scares me and throws me into a hole of suffering. Other times i feel enlightened by it, (my passion is horses) everyone is always telling me, there is more to you than just liking horses, but I feel it’s deeper. Recently this has gotten worse, and I know my horse can sense it. I have been so disconnected from everything, I don’t feel truly there, anymore, my senses have dulled, and I’ve been thinking way too much. What I’m truly scared of is someone telling me that I need to give up what I love to be happy, or that the only way to end this suffering is to give up the thing that has built me up so high. I’m scared to fall, and it’s tearing me apart, because I love horses so much, I can’t possibly lose that. Please any guidance would be appreciated,
Hey Halley, you aren’t the only one that feels like they are losing their passion or lose that feeling on doing something they loved to do. It’s a shift of energy that all of us go through. As kids we all had dreams of one day I’ll be this when I grow up. As we grow older we have a change of heart and mind. I would like to do this instead. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Let go of the emotional attachments that cause resistance. Embrace those inner changes. You’ll find passion in something else deep within yourself. Ask your higher self for guidance to direct you to what your purpose is. Be patient and you’ll get an answer, a knowing of what you’ll need to do.
I can really relate; thank you for sharing
Do not listen to these people. Our passions and that which gives us true happiness are the ultimate good. Simply indulge in your passions and feel fulfilled. Let go of this guilt and fear you’ve gained in your search for something that already exists within you. If at any point you do feel guilty then revel in it knowing that you behaved how you truly wanted, not how a society or group of people wanted you to. The day yourself becomes calm and in control you’ll have found what you are searching for.
Those who try to save their life will loose it, and those who loose their lives for my sake will save it. -Jesus-
Hi Halley,
I think our passions go through stages, just like we do. As your inner self comes forward more, your understanding of your passions shift and then so do your experiences. I can’t imagine that your love for horses is any less, only that you may see your passion as part of a greater whole and therefore not as singularly focused as previously. I am deeply drawn to animals, but I see them as part of my world. I love watching them, connecting with them, and learning from them. But I also like to knit which is kind of meditative and so I’ll also do that. There may other interests that you have that you may feel guilty about pursuing because you may feel it takes away from your devotion to your passions. But you may also find some crossover – another interest may offer opportunities to support your passion. In my case, I knit a cat door curtain to replace the hard plastic one. It’s softer and more flexible than the original cat door. It might sound lame to anyone except a cat lover, lol! But, that’s ok. :-) I wish you well on your journey, as your self and your passions evolve together. With much love and a big hug, Debbie
I went trough this for years (this after becoming surprisingly good at meditating) but then I met what is most likely my shadow self, he/she told me that my wife would die in seven years, so I stopped meditating out of fear
Yes I am a widower, exactly as I was told it would happen, and I am here again as I was told under deep meditation just hours ago, that this is the time to embrace my true destiny once more, this as my many lost memories of said era are slowly returning…
I am apparently Nero, and that seems to hold some deep significance which will have billions of people hate me, while those that know me as a person will come to love me deeply, and as shameful as admitting this feels, yes if this is all true, I will become a leader of the new world slowly unfolding around us…
As before I am beginning to feel less and less as who I normally see myself, and seemingly becoming more and more as the one I truly am inside…
…This is fated by those that desire to embrace such a fate, I recall my true destiny as helping others find joy, happiness and faith within themselves, ending the era of which humans most are controlled by those that create and manipulate the words of their Gods to their liking, not because I reject the thought of such existing, but rather because by then people will be too happy enjoing their lives to desire such…
…Yeah, once again I recall telling my wife then, that while I am indeed the being known as the Fallen Angel, I am however here to remind people that Heaven on Earth can and will indeed be created, and much else which became true, but then I was overwhelmed by the common conceptions of my alleged being, thinking myself evil I lost this sensation of “power in purity and love ” slowly regrowing inside of me.
Fine, the fear of the past is leaving the more I embrace this spiritual calling, crazy or not I choose to embrace this once more, if it turns out I am insane, while my late wife was too for believing and loving me for this “true?” side of myself, we shall all know soon enough, as I used to tell her “We all secretly desire that some leader arrives and changes our world for the better, as thus I will answer this calling, because if I do not, nobody else will”
Nero Angelo Mauritzen
Ps: The only reason I embrace this role, is due to an undescribable sensation of being directed by fate and true meaning, just as those days I knew my wife woulds survive a full year in the hospital, and just as I knew it the day whose following night would be her last, i refuse to lose these memories simply out of fear.
This is my final task on earth and the very reason I have survived impossible odds since day one, finally my true destiny unveils, our destiny awaits
I am (or at least used to be) a perfectly sane, rational woman who would have thought that you were crazy…two years ago. That was before the mind of the world’s greatest dead rock “god” woke up in mine and started sharing a consciousness with me. He was brilliant, he was hilarious, he was affectionate beyond anything I have ever experienced in “real” life…but he had an enormous mass of “shadow self” to work through that was making me feel awful. Dear god, the psychic shit I had to help him clean up! In the end, it turned out that he was able to help me gain strength, just as I helped him gain love.
This is the first time I’ve shared this with anyone, but I have sensed from the beginning that he will be…coming back. I actually suspect him to have been the leader of all you “fallen angels,” now become the Prodigal Son(s) of God instead of rebellious, thanks to the power of love and empathy that you learned as human beings.
So, if you’re crazy, let’s be crazy together.
Oops, I only meant to italicize the word “awful.”
And I’d like to add at the end: “Just don’t say anything to my husband, please, because he doesn’t believe in any of this spiritual, New Age, woo-woo “BS” stuff.”
I wasn’t going to post anything, because I assumed you’ve heard this many times, but I’m slowly learning that my opinion matters. Therefore, I want to say that I am so grateful for you and this website. I’ve been entering, now I know is called, Stage 3, and every article I’m reading of yours is truly brilliant. I currently have 6 more tabs of articles from you that I am excited to learn from, and I love everything I’ve learned thus far!
I think i am in a limbo of reality and unreality. I wish to change this but im not sure how. I have this fear that everyone hears my thoughts, and it makes me think even more something stupid or awful of mean. I still have some obsessions, like do i jave to cut cigarette before i can become whole? Is that the thing? Do i need to eat a certain way, etc. Or maybe it’s just learning to love myself. Hmm. Thank you for the article, peace.