Waking up is an endless losing what you think you know, like a wave of destruction that leaves nothing but what is true.
– Unmani
Death is a word that we humans usually associate with darkness, mourning, decay, and general creepiness.
We spend our entire lives running away from, avoiding, and denying the fact that we will someday physically die.
However, the death that I’m talking about in this article isn’t the typical kind of death we fear.
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The death I’ll be referring to is the most beautiful, illuminating, awe-inspiring, expansive, enlightening, and paradigm-shattering experience you could ever go through.
This experience is known as “ego death,” and for every serious spiritual seeker, it is a pivotal part of the spiritual awakening journey.
What is the Ego?
In order to understand what ego death is, we must first understand what the ego is.
As I explored in my article “What is the Ego?” the ego is basically our sense of self or our identity.
The ego is a biological and spiritual tool that defends the belief that we are all separate “individual” entities.
As a result of believing that we are separate and isolated in this life, we suffer immensely.
The Ego and Duality
The ego – our sense of self – perceives life through the lens of duality.
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Duality is the opposite of reality – it is the division of life into opposing forces such as love/hate, good/bad, right/wrong, and holy/sinful.
When we divide life, we suffer.
The result of the dualistic ego is judgment, hatred, condemnation, and alienation. While we accept some things, we reject other things. While we love some people, we hate other people.
Instead of unconditionally accepting life in its wholeness, we slice it into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” experiences, people, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Thus, we suffer.
As a result of our feelings of being separate from the Whole (which gives birth to duality), we also begin to reject ourselves.
Any thought, feeling, sensation, experience, or belief we have that is judged to be “bad,” “unacceptable” or “wrong” we suppress, avoid, and deny.
As a result of this repression, we fuel our Shadow Selves which become more twisted and monstrous the longer we keep them buried under shame.
Living through the ego can be observed in our world very clearly.
The depression, anxiety, mental illness, murder, hatred, greed, poverty, war, and environmental destruction we experience is all a reflection of our internal suffering. It is a loss of Soul.
And why do we suffer?
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We suffer because of the separate self we carry (i.e., the ego) that believes it’s a little isolated speck cut off from existence.
What is Ego Death?
I’ve used the term “ego death” in this article because it’s the most popular phrase out there used for such an experience.
But the truth is that the ego can never really “die”; instead, it can be made conscious so that it’s no longer running our lives.
So how can we define “ego death”?
Ego death is the experience of temporarily transcending the ego, self, or personal identity.
This experience is the most mind-bending, awakening, awe-inspiring, peaceful, and unconditionally loving experience you could ever have.
Why?
Ego death is essentially an experience of embodying your True Nature (or returning back to who you really are), temporarily.
However, while the experience of ego death is indescribably beautiful, it can also be indescribably horrific for those who are not aware of the spiritual path, and for those who resist the actual experience.
Those who report ego death generally fall into two groups: those who found the experience illuminating, and those who found the experience tormenting.
I have experienced both states of pure ecstasy and pure horror – and let me tell you, it can turn your life upside down and inside out. (Whether that is a good thing is up to you decide!)
Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss
If you’re familiar with the psychonaut community (a collection of people who use psychedelic substances to access higher states of being), you would have heard of many “ego death” experiences.
Why? The answer is that shamanic plants such as ayahuasca, DMT, and psilocybin mushrooms are powerful gateways to the Divine experience.
Psychedelic explorers Dennis and Terence McKenna (who referred to themselves as the “Brotherhood of the Screaming Abyss”) often mentioned the state of pure awe and also terror experienced in the face of ego death.
However, as Terence McKenna once said, the abyss must be approached with courage, because only then can you discover that the fear is an illusion:
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Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.
Ego death can feel scary because it is the ultimate threat to the ego: to die. To cease to exist, even for just a minute.
The ego creates intense fear as a defense mechanism to try and hold onto a sense of control and power.
However, to progress on our spiritual paths, we must understand the role of this fear, be mindful of it, and not permit it to limit us.
7 Stages of Ego Death
Ego death happens in stages, and if courageously pursued, eventually results in the experience of Self-Realization, Nirvana, Oneness, spiritual ascension, or Spiritual Enlightenment.
While ego death is not formulaic or necessarily predictable, it does tend to follow a pattern:
Stage 1 — Spiritual Awakening
In the first stage of ego death, we begin to “wake up” to life.
Our process of spiritual awakening might be triggered by an existential crisis, a tragedy, a chronic illness, or simply the natural process of soulful maturing.
When we experience a spiritual awakening, we begin to search for more depth in life. Often, we ask big questions such as “what is my purpose?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “what happens after death?”
Spiritual awakenings are triggered by the sensation that something profound is missing in life and they’re accompanied by feelings of depression and anxiety.
Read more: You can learn more about the spiritual awakening process in our book »
Stage 2 — The Dark Night of the Soul
The Dark Night of the Soul is inseparable from the spiritual awakening process.
When we experience the Dark Night, we become extremely conscious of our separation from ourselves, other people, and the Divine.
How does the Dark Night often lead to ego death?
The Dark Night of the Soul is a period when we feel utterly lost, lonely and isolated from others. It is the accumulation or culmination of our suffering.
Deep down, we know something has to drastically change in our life, but we don’t know what or where to look.
Often, this experience culminates in a sudden ‘pop’ of the ego bubble – like the cork from a wine bottle suddenly releasing pressure.
Read more: 7 Omens That Herald the Dark Night of the Soul »
Stage 3 — The Spiritual Seeker
Eventually, after experiencing a spiritual awakening and Dark Night of the Soul, we stumble into the field of spirituality. We start experimenting with different spiritual practices and find that some alleviate our suffering.
We become obsessed with reducing the suffering we have been carrying and explore many different fields such as energy healing, zen, yoga, astrology, mysticism, etc.
Stage 4 — Satori
The word “Satori” is a Zen Buddhist word that means “momentary enlightenment.” Satori is a small glimpse into your True Nature, or Consciousness itself; a moment when your ego completely dissolves.
For some, this experience is scary, and spiritual growth stagnates. But for others, the Satori experience is deeply life-changing, and spiritual growth continues.
Many describe Satori as being the result of a kundalini awakening.
Read more: What is Kundalini Awakening? (19 Intense Symptoms) »
Stage 5 — Spiritual Discernment
After a certain period of time, we begin to develop spiritual discernment. We discover the gimmicks and spiritual bypassing practices that keep us trapped in the cycle of pain, fear, and separation, and learn practices that open us to the Divine. As we begin to experience more maturity and reconnect with our True Nature, we learn the virtues of self-discipline, patience, and focus.
Read more: Higher Self: 11 Ways to Connect With Your Soul »
Stage 6 — Dissolution and Deconstruction
In this stage, we begin to surrender all that we are not.
This stage is not just about identifying our destructive and limiting beliefs and behavior patterns but actually letting go of them and letting the light in.
Grace, discipline, trust, courage, non-attachment, humility, and love all play an important role in this process.
Stage 7 — The End of the Search
Finally, we come to a stop. We realize that all that we are, and all that we need, can be found right Now.
The search to become something, to lose something, to find something, and to accomplish something perishes.
$3We see through the illusion of looking for truth, joy, peace, and love in any place outside of ourselves.
We see the truth that we are mirrored in all beings and all things.
We experience interconnectedness and Oneness.
While the ego still exists, we become aware of the ego as simply a tool; not the Truth of Who We Are.
Transcending duality and the grip of the ego, we develop the capacity to give unconditional love and acceptance.
This is the state of ultimate inner peace, freedom, and what people refer to as “enlightenment,” yet those who experience this know that no possible label or mental construct can describe such an experience.
The end is the beginning, and the beginning is the end.
We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
– T. S. Eliot
FAQ About Ego Death
If you needed more clarity, here are some answers to common questions:
Ego death is an intense experience that can alternate between feelings of horror and ecstatic bliss. While one person may experience nothing but terror, another may experience only cosmic Oneness. But often, most people experience both extremes while undergoing ego death.
Usually, ego death is such a paradigm-shifting and mind-blowing experience that a person’s life will change forever. What happens after ego death often involves a lot of soul searching. The person will be inspired to seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose and will embark on a spiritual quest for answers. Most people forget about the importance of spiritual integration after this experience – which is crucial to make the most of it!
Some people deliberately seek out ego death to try and achieve a mystical experience. However, a word of caution: this experience can be extremely dangerous for those unprepared (see: spiritual emergency). Once you’ve checked your intentions, you’ll be pleased to know that there are quite a few paths to ego death. Some examples include attending long meditation retreats, entering altered states of consciousness through mystical paths like dancing or chanting, and ingesting psychedelic substances. For serious spiritual seekers, almost every mystical tradition offers pathways to ego death.
***
Ego death is a serious, purging, profound, and shattering experience.
It is so deep and so beyond anything we have experienced in this life, that it changes our perception of existence in a single moment.
I hope these “stages” have helped you to understand it better.
Finally, I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote to ponder about death itself:
Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die – and find that there is no death.
– Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
Ruminate on this process, and let me know what you think.
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I’ve been on a very intense, spiritual journey the last few years that I didn’t seek out and definitely wasn’t prepared to handle. This site popped up very early on and the synchronous things related to your site and the “real” life situations that have transpired are so disorienting to me that I thought it was time I reached out to speak with you guys. Please contact me when you see this message
I believe I am in stage 6. Everyday a family member whom I care for, destroys a part of my ego. Literally, their sharp words cause the ego to struggle for breath, squirm and fight, then die. Over and over again. It wants to scream, kill itself. It is brought to it’s knees due to the physical and emotional demands put upon this form. I hope it ends soon :)
Remember that all family members have ego too. All will be brought to knee for their own deeds n hurtful words.
The members whom u think cares equally back, might not. They can either be selfish n paint a good picture of them or can be wanting a better life for u. U should identify what their intentions are. None flees from God’s book of justice.
Anyways, just know there is a loving aura of light around u to calm ur squirming hurts – the twin whom u n she recognized.
How are you feeling now?
I missed pointing out that you are doing a wonderful job in taking care of your babies single handedly, dear lotus. At any time and situation, walking out on tinytots are never…NEVER an option. In the ego clash of grown ups, abandoning the ones both made are the most unjust. What should have been done is, once knotted, FIGHT FOR TOGETHERNESS, instead of FLIGHT.
Once ran out, sitting at a distance and ask ‘how r u now?’ is irrelevant.
Lotus, U took them to your shelter speaks volumes of your strength. I love u for it.
At this juncture in life, nothing else matters. Good job, Achcha.
Do you think in terms of ego death, that sometimes the ego surrenders or chooses to relinquish control and be touched or changed by the true self? I have been making efforts to be more aware of my ego ever since I discovered I use dissociation to cope with anything and everything. Dissociating this way gave my ego complete and undetected free reign until my awareness. Upon that awareness I have simply made an effort to be more present, more thoughtful of and kind to my body especially. Building on that for several months, I suddenly find myself in the dark night and I don’t recall an ego death. The most I can think of is I have been appealing or to my younger self who experienced the traumatic source of the dissociation, especially most recently on the full moon. I gave thanks and asked for deeper connection first to my ancestors and then to my younger self. But I gave up fighting with or trying to control my ego long ago. I’ve just been acknowledging it, with compassion. I am navigating the spiritual with information from many places and with experiences and with gravitational pulls. I feel like I acknowledged fear and defensive animosity and so many other attributes of my ego in a compassionate and accepting way, with unconditional love, and I find myself here in the dark night, almost missing the companion who as always kept me safe, like she’s now just sort of sitting back, patiently waiting for direction on what to do next, to unify by some sort of knowledge or experiences and so dedicated to absorbing that she’s unable to offer up anything but limitless and silent intrigue.
Thank you for crossing my path.
Man. This is a crazy point in my life. I’m gonna keep this as confidential as I possibly can. I’m basically about to be an adult, very very soon. As any other teenager, I’ve been smoking marijuana with friends and by myself. Just a couple weeks ago, one of my beloved cats passed away. This event, my stress to grow up, and my marijuana use I believe triggered this. I have been very existential for awhile. I’ve been afraid of death, which is unusual, given that I used to find death so beautiful. I’ve been afraid of if religion wise I’m screwed. It’s a scary road… if this is what an ego death feels like, I’m either having a Spiritual Emergency or I am one of those people who do not react well to ego deaths. Whatever this may be, I feel like I am just a pile of flesh, organs, and nerves. I, *me* am nothing more than a squishy, wrinkly clump of nerves… instead of this fact instilling curiosity and wonder in me, this fact and realization that I too will succumb the same fate as my cat and everyone else, has led me down a dark path I believe. Instead of finding this beautiful this feels so… destroying. It made everything feel less important, because in the end I’ll be six feet under the surface anyway. I do not like this feeling. It’s affecting my sleep, my schoolwork, my memory, my focus, even my hygiene and acne. I cannot tell if this is also partnered with my seasonal depression or not. Either way, I hope that if this is the path I’m definitely being strung on, I find inner solace… and I hope I do soon.
Hi L, first thing, please stop your marijuana use. I have nothing against marijuana, but unless you’re 25 or over (which is when the brain is fully formed), please abstain from it. Speaking from experience, I know that psychoactive substances can make feelings of impermanence and disturbing thoughts, etc. worse. If you continue feeling these feelings, please do seek out a spiritual therapist (google “transpersonal therapy”). Focus also on grounding yourself in nature, going for long grounding walks, and finding anything that can fill you with a sense of joy or appreciation of the beauty of life. Life is both death and birth, always remember that there’s another side to anything you’re experiencing.
@Aletheia, thank you for the article. I have been following your blog for sometime, and it has helped me on my spiritual path.
Hi L,
Sounds like you’re smoking the sativa type of marijuana. This type excites you, and can make you feel anxious. Use Indica type (relaxing, sleepy).
I’m also coming out of the dark knight of the soul, which started when my kundalini awakened. It is recently that I began using marijuana as a medicine (not just for fun). And it’s a powerful medicine! It’ll heal you physically, emotionally and free you from all mental ailments.
It is also a great teacher. It’ll guide you. Sending you lots of love 💗
I’m a young person about 11 years old right now, still experiencing this stuff, the whole thing started when I was on a visit to Iran to see m grandparents and cousin over there. I remember I walked into a restaurant that sold Kabob only I think. When we went to wash our hands (remember I was ten at this time and I think it was somewhere in 2019 not during COVID) and I looked in this one mirror. I just completely felt like I died somehow… Like a sniper bullet just hit me from somewhere but I wasn’t hurt, it was weird. From then on I went to ask my parents and everyone I knew about the big questions like, “What happens when you die?” I never got a real answer back from them besides my dad, yea he was an Athiest and I was Christian at the moment because of the schools I went to (It wasn’t really diverse and they made you practice their religion, only a few weeks ago I switched to being Athiast due to the things my dad said.) Anyways, he said “Nothing, nothing happens when you die, there is no life after death. All your feelings just simply release and you don’t feel anything, that includes being hurt.” At the time and still, I really liked that response, it felt so true and persuasive. I remember him also saying stuff like Jesus, Jinx, and other beliefs are just made up because people are just scared of admitting the truth. Lastly, a thing when I was Christian I had a real hard time with was EVERY NIGHT and I’m saying like 4/5 of my life after I never could sleep because my mind was always thinking about that complex stuff. The thing is that I don’t have that anymore after the few sentences my dad told me. I hope you guys find this helpful and I know this is quite long, especially from an 11-year-old, and I would say that this article is probably my favorite article I’ve ever read in my life because it is so easy to relate from if you have Thanatophobia. This is from Tiam Zabeti – (1)-859-777-2042.
I’m in the realm of stages five and six, simultaneously – well, and maybe my dark night of the soul and spiritual awakening process isn’t over yet either – the spiritual awakening part, may never end, Amen! Thank you for all of your work. I’ve been sharing your content on social media lately, to show my gratitude and support.
Thank you Jessica for sharing your thoughts (and our content!) You’re right, the awakening never ends (except perhaps by the few who claim complete enlightenment), it’s an ongoing process that we just grow more familiar with as time goes on. The biggest shock probably comes in the first transition from ego-centrism, to more soul-centric ways of looking at life.
Thanks, Luna for this interesting message on Ego Death. It certainly seems a pathway to more peace within and a step closer on the road to self discovery…
Namaste John
I love the name of your company, Lonerwolf! [it reminds me of mine]
It’s a good omen!
Woohoo! Divine synchronicities :-D
I experienced ego death last night and it shifted my perception of everything going on in my life currently. I’m still trying to process what happened because it was truly traumatic but I needed it to happen. I held a lot of guilt and shame for things I have done and decisions I have made up to this point in my life. I’m not sure I was ready for it though. I fought it really hard and got checked at the front door as I was attempting to touch grass and come back to earth. It was so scary not being able to control my thoughts or body. Now I’m reading The Doors of Perception…researching a lot…trying to make sense of my experience.
I absolutely experienced all of the above with the complete experience taking two and a half years. The conclusion came just recently. As I awakened from a dream I heard as if over a loud speaker a woman make a very important announcement; the word “disriolta”.
I only speak English so I had to google translate.
It means dissolved.
I couldn’t figure out what meaning it had to me and it puzzled me.
The next day I continued to try to work out what it meant. But I couldn’t. I gave up and finally lol asked my spirit guides what it meant.
The answer was one word.
EGO.
I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. Finally I had learnt something valuable in my life. Something soul satisfying.
That’s beautiful Neice, thank you for sharing that powerful experience :)