You’re lost. You’re ashamed to admit that you have zero clues about who you truly are – you have no bloody idea about what you want in life. In truth, you feel like a complete stranger to yourself.
Can you relate?
If so, don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with you.
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What you’re experiencing is the product of living in a society that is constantly trying to tell you who THEY think you are. (And the reality is that this can be so freakin’ disorienting, demoralizing, and overwhelming!)
Put simply, not knowing who you authentically are can be ungrounding, confusing, and scary.
You’ll be dragged here and there by life without remaining in the center of your being.
You’ll enter one job, relationship, and life commitment after another, quickly realizing that they’re not meant for you.
… and you’ll repeat this confusing cycle over and over again until you learn how to find yourself.
To learn how to find yourself you’ll need to connect with the core of yourself – your soul. And to do this, you need to do some soul searching.
It’s time to find yourself …
Table of contents
- Why You’re Struggling to Find Yourself (It’s Multi-Layered)
- The Spiritual Reason Why You’ve Lost Touch With Your True Self
- How Do I Become Myself Again? (How to Find Yourself in 9 Steps)
- 1. Make time for solitude
- 2. Mentally and emotionally purge the inner sh*t
- 3. Pinpoint your top five core needs
- 4. Think about what you REALLY want in life
- 5. Embrace your right to be self-sovereign
- 6. Explore, travel, ponder (and find your passion)
- 7. Say goodbye to people and commitments that reinforce inauthenticity
- 8. Connect with your spiritual center
- 9. Reconnect with your wildness
- Takeaway
Why You’re Struggling to Find Yourself (It’s Multi-Layered)
There are a number of reasons why it’s so difficult to know who you really are. Some of the main explanations include:
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- You were raised in a dysfunctional family that discarded individuality and had strict family roles (you’re probably also the black sheep of the family).
- You’ve developed low self-esteem/self-loathing as a result of negative life experiences – and the thoughts (or stories) in your head prevent you from seeing your true beauty/power.
- You’re being heavily influenced by the media including TV shows, movies, ads, YouTube channels, Instagram celebrities, etc. who make you think that you need to be someone you’re not (thus, demoralizing you even more).
- You’re surrounded by people who reinforce inauthenticity, low self-esteem, and poor decision making – these people feed the cycle of your insecurity and confusion.
- Your daily habits, commitments, and life choices prevent you from taking the time to soul search and find who you truly are.
Let’s explore these above points a little more in detail below:
1# You were raised in a dysfunctional family
Our childhood experiences impact our adult life and day-to-day existence tremendously. Why? The answer is that our childhood years were our formation years: they created the foundation of the beliefs, behaviors, and values we carry right now.
Those raised in dysfunctional families tend to develop a weak sense of self because, as children, all their energy was invested externally.
When a child must be hyper-vigilant (and protect him/herself against abandonment, abuse, etc.), they have no energy left to play, explore, and enjoy life.
In other words, there’s no inner energy left, and thus, a child’s identity becomes frail and dependant on the external world for validation.
Dysfunctional families often have strict roles in which no one is permitted to be an individual (this is called enmeshment) or grow and change.
In fact, any deviation from what “I am supposed to be and do” is punished, and therefore, being an individual is equated with suffering.
It’s no wonder that so many people are terrified, deep down, of finding who they truly are!
Not only were they prevented from being their true selves as children – and not only did they likely have no true authentic role models – but they were actually punished for being genuine!
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2# You’ve developed low self-esteem
Either as a result of being raised in a dysfunctional family or through life circumstances, low self-esteem can also be why you struggle to learn how to to find yourself.
One step deeper than self-esteem is self-worth – or how fundamentally worthy as a human being you believe you are.
If you’ve adopted the core wound that “There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m bad,” “I’m unlovable,” etc. it will be very difficult to find your true self.
In short, on an unconscious level, you don’t believe you’re worthy of finding yourself!
Think of the mind as a mirror. The more gunk and dirt is smeared across the mirror in the form of false beliefs and attitudes, the harder it will be to see yourself clearly.
To see yourself clearly and learn how to find yourself, you’ll need to wipe that mirror clean. We’ll explore how to do this a little later in the article.
3# You’re being heavily influenced by the media
The media is omnipresent. Turn on your TV, it’s there. Go to the shops, it’s there. Read the online newspaper, it’s there. Scroll through Google, it’s there. Use your favorite shampoo, it’s there.
When you observe the overarching message sent by mass media, you’ll see that it always centers around making you feel like you need more:
More shiny hair, clearer skin, a slimmer body, nicer shoes, whiter teeth, smoother legs, better sex … more, more, more.
One level deeper than that is the idea that “you’re not good enough as you are.”
It’s in the interest of companies, products, online personalities, publishers, etc. to make you unhappy with yourself, to throw a smokescreen over your eyes, and cause you to forget who you are.
It makes you chase a person who you think you must be, which in turn makes them a fat profit!
I’ll repeat that again: it’s in the interest of mass media to make you forget who you are because it makes them money. It makes them powerful. It makes them important. And without your insecurity, they wouldn’t have that kind of power.
4# You’re surrounded by people who reinforce inauthenticity
As the saying goes, misery loves company. We attract those who “vibe” with us and who mirror (or affirm) what we feel about ourselves deep down.
If you have low self-esteem, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll attract the same types of noxious people over and over again. Why does this happen? The answer is that we attract toxic people because our ego-self feels that they are what we deserve.
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When we are around people who are also confused about who they truly are, it’s comfortable and non-confrontational.
But when we’re around a person who exudes a calm, grounded, centered presence, we’re intimidated. We feel vulnerable. We feel insecure because we haven’t found that within ourselves yet.
The people we’re around most of the time can make it damn hard for us to learn how to find ourselves.
Furthermore, on some level, we know that if we do go on this soul-searching adventure, we’ll likely lose our friendships. The structure of our lives will crumble. We’ll wind up feeling alone. (And that’s another reason preventing us from finding ourselves!)
5# Your daily habits, commitments, and life choices
Finally, the pièce de résistance that builds on all previous points is our habits.
The material, the bulk of our lives can become cluttered very easily by soul-desecrating, empty, meaningless, and phony commitments.
These life choices can quickly build into prison walls that keep us feeling stuck and entrapped. They reinforce our self-alienation and inauthenticity, and it can be very hard to liberate ourselves from them.
But it is possible.
We’ll explore how to free yourself from these blockages soon. But first, let’s explore the spiritual reason why you don’t know how to find yourself.
The Spiritual Reason Why You’ve Lost Touch With Your True Self
Three words:
Ego + soul loss.
At risk of going off on a whole twenty-page in-depth rant, I’ll keep it simple.
Your ego is your False Self: the mask you present to the world.
You were conditioned to develop this ego-mask as a child (we all are). Its purpose is to help you function in society. But at the same time, it also obscures your True Self (your Soul).
Soul loss is the result of us identifying with our False Self (ego) and forgetting about our True Self (soul).
As a result of our soul loss, we don’t know who we truly are. We’re also plagued with feelings of depression, anxiety, emptiness, hopelessness, and a sensation of being like little tiny isolated islands floating in the sea of life.
In truth, if we could connect with our souls, we’d realize how interconnected we truly are and no longer suffer so much.
As poet and philosopher, Mark Nepo explains:
It is the True Self that lets us know what is authentic and what has become artificial, while the False Self is a diplomat of distrust, enforcing a lifestyle of guardedness, secrecy, and complaint.
When we identify with the False Self, we lose touch with our wildness, with the vitality and rawness of who we truly are and what we genuinely want.
This lack of wildness, zestfulness, and soulfulness is what gives rise to a feeling of staleness and boredom. We feel empty inside. We become bored with ourselves easily and keep pursuing relationships, careers, or things that we think will give us back that spark of life. But it’s an illusion.
Nothing outside of yourself can reinstate that soul spark within you.
Author and psychoanalyst, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, graphically describes this disconnection from our sacred wildness (our soul):
What are some of the feeling-toned symptoms of a disrupted relationship with the wildish force in the psyche? To chronically feel, think, or act in any of the following ways is to have partially severed or lost entirely the relationship with the deep instinctual psyche. Using women’s language exclusively, these are: feeling extraordinarily dry, fatigued, frail, depressed, confused, gagged, muzzled, unaroused. Feeling frightened, halt or weak, without inspiration, without animation, without soulfulness, without meaning, shame-bearing, chronically fuming, volatile, stuck, uncreative, compressed, crazed. Feeling powerless, chronically doubtful, shaky, blocked, unable to follow through, giving one’s creative life over to others, life-sapping choices in mates, work, or friendships, suffering to live outside one’s own cycles, overprotective of self, inert, uncertain, faltering, inability to pace oneself or set limits …
I’m sure, on many levels, you can relate to this vivid description of what it’s like to lose touch with your wildness, your soul.
But how do you get it back?
How do you stop identifying with the False Self and step into your True Self?
How Do I Become Myself Again? (How to Find Yourself in 9 Steps)
As Mary Oliver put it, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Our days on this earth are numbered, so what’s the point of being someone we’re not?
Being who you authentically are at a core level is breathtakingly liberating. So much in your life will start flowing beautifully once you learn how to find yourself.
Your relationships will improve. Your work life will improve. Your family life will improve. Your mental and emotional well-being will improve. And above all, your relationship with yourself will improve.
So how do we get there?
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$3Here are the 9 steps you can take to find yourself:
- Make time for solitude
- Mentally and emotionally purge
- Pinpoint your top five core needs
- Think about what you really want in life
- Embrace your right to be self-sovereign
- Explore, travel, ponder (and find your passion)
- Say goodbye to people and commitments that reinforce inauthenticity
- Connect with your spiritual center
- Reconnect with your wildness
These steps can be attempted individually, aka. you don’t have to consecutively do them.
Also, keep in mind that some of these practices will work for you and some won’t. That’s okay. Experiment and don’t be afraid to fall down and get back up again.
I’ll expand below:
1. Make time for solitude
Solitude is powerful and it is the very first step to finding and becoming yourself again.
In solitude, we can distance ourselves from the noise around us that clutters our minds and confuses us.
By solitude, I mean absolutely no contact with friends, colleagues, social media, etc. Solitude means simply being with yourself without distraction. One great way to do this is through meditation.
No, you don’t need to drop everything and become a hermit. Simply designate a few hours a week to solitude. If you need to drive somewhere to be alone, do it. If you need to barricade yourself in a room to be alone, do it.
If others are confused, explain to them that you need some time to rejuvenate alone. If they’re reasonable, they’ll get the picture. If not, you may need to forcibly set boundaries and find time to be alone.
2. Mentally and emotionally purge the inner sh*t
One of the most effective ways of mentally and emotionally purging is through journaling. (Also, drawing is another good method.)
Begin by vomiting all that you feel onto a page. Don’t censor yourself. Let it run free and get as explicit as you like.
Once you’ve purged your inner chaos, reflect on what you’ve written: What themes arise? What dominant emotions come through?
Focus on developing a bit of self-understanding and don’t worry if you’re not completely sure of yourself. Just give it your best shot.
3. Pinpoint your top five core needs
We all have wants and desires, but needs are different. Needs come from your core, and they are unnegotiable because they’re vital to your sanity.
One great way of pinpointing your core needs is by focusing on areas of life that make you feel miserable. In what parts of life are you the unhappiest? You can be dead-sure sure a core need isn’t being met there.
Once you have an idea of your top five core needs, write/draw them out. Then, underneath each picture or sentence, explore all the ways they are/aren’t being met.
To find yourself, you need to go back to basics. You need to shed all of the superficial wants and desires that cloud your mind and rediscover the gold that is buried within you. This inner gold is the fabric of your soul and it’s what makes you, you.
By understanding your core needs, you’ll know how to direct your life and be aligned with your inner center.
For instance, if a core need of yours is to live close to nature, you’ll be able to find jobs, houses, and relationships that respect this quality that nourishes you.
4. Think about what you REALLY want in life
As author and inventor Stephen Key writes,
Consider how rare it is for us to make a meaningful, sustained observation of our likes and dislikes. Of course, we routinely complain, grasp, go along, fight—but we rarely ask ourselves, in a protracted and serious way: What would create purpose or contentment for me? What would I really like to be doing right now—and in whose company? We seldom ask, with deadly seriousness, who we want as intimates; where we physically and morally wish to dwell; and what we want to do with ourselves.
Stephen has a point: how often do you think about what YOU really want in life? Forget about what your parents want. Forget about what your friends, partner, colleagues, or society wants: what do you want?
I know it may sound a little harsh, but you need to ignore everyone else and listen to that little voice within.
Why?
Well, your life is YOURS to live. No one has the right to tell you what you should and shouldn’t want in life.
So take some time to dive deep and introspect. If you could do whatever you want, without consequences, how would you live your life?
Then, from there, make the appropriate compromises (i.e., it’s not a smart idea to abandon your kids) and take the steps toward that destination.
5. Embrace your right to be self-sovereign
Being self-sovereign means stepping into the role of ultimate authority within your life.
When we practice self-sovereignty we realize that no one else is responsible for living our lives but us.
We realize that no one else can dictate what we should do but us. We realize that our lives are our creations – and what works for others doesn’t necessarily work for us.
To be self-sovereign means to step into the role of King or Queen of your life. Instead of seeking validation and approval from others like a beggar, you turn inwards and find that acceptance within yourself.
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Often, those who struggle to find themselves don’t believe they have the fundamental right to be self-sovereign. Instead, they believe that they need to play by society’s rules in order to be acceptable.
To realize that you have the right (and responsibility) to be self-sovereign is a simple mindset shift that can create massive, unfathomably intense ripples of change in your life.
One of the best ways to start being self-sovereign is to define who you are and who you aren’t.
Here are some journaling prompts that will help you to step into the role of self-sovereignty:
- What do I like and dislike?
- What is my style?
- What does beauty mean to me?
- What does success mean to me?
- What does happiness mean to me?
- Who do I think I am (vs. who others think I am)?
You’ll know that you’re successfully answering these questions if you have to pause and think a lot.
It can take a lot of digging to find our true thoughts, feelings, and beliefs AND distinguish them from society’s perceptions. But keep at it!
Learn more about how to journal.
6. Explore, travel, ponder (and find your passion)
You’ll need to make a conscious effort to break out of your usual routines in order to find yourself.
While you don’t need to book a six-month vacation to Bali, you do need to branch out and try new things.
If you’re not the traveling type, you may choose to do some armchair traveling in which you purchase a book that looks helpful or watch an inspiring documentary.
Who you are at your core is very much entwined with what you’re passionate about.
Your passion is your calling in life, and when you’re not in touch with your passion, life feels dull and flat.
The zest and spark of life emerge when you know what your personal mission is – and to find that, you need to do some inner (and sometimes outer) exploration.
Why not start with this article on the meaning of life and see where it takes you?
7. Say goodbye to people and commitments that reinforce inauthenticity
You have the right to find yourself, be yourself, and walk a path that is true to yourself. Don’t let others drag you down. Don’t let poor habits and commitments sabotage your efforts to make positive changes.
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Self-development teacher Jim Rohn famously stated once that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who will those five people be? And what will they bring to your life?
Make an inventory of all the people and commitments in your life right now. Next to each, weigh up the pros and cons. Do they enrich your life or impoverish it?
It might be scary to redesign your life from the ground up, but it’s worth doing if you want to make real change. Try to find friends and commitments that honor your right to be self-sovereign.
8. Connect with your spiritual center
As spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz writes:
Of course, any time we try to be what we are not, we fail. It’s so difficult to be what we are not, to pretend to be what we are not. I used to pretend that I was very happy and very strong and very important. Wow! Living that way is truly a deep hell. It’s a setup, it’s a no-win situation. You can never be what you are not, and that is the main point. You can only be you, and that’s it. And you are you right now, and it’s effortless. There is no need to justify what we are. There is no need to work hard to become what we are not.
At the core of the quest of finding yourself is being yourself.
To be yourself, you need to stop thinking you need to be someone else.
In theory, that sounds simple. But in practice, it’s one of the most difficult things in the world to embody.
As mentioned previously in this article, we live in a fractured society that is designed to program us with self-doubt, toxic shame, and insecurity.
There is so much noise around and within us that we easily lose touch with the voice of our souls, with our True Nature, and mistake our ego-selves for our authentic selves.
To reconnect with your spiritual center – whether you call that your soul, your higher self, your spirit guide, inner genius, or whatever – make some conscious and intentional time to explore what spirituality means for you.
What practices help you to tune into your spiritual center on a daily basis?
Examples might include lighting a candle, burning incense, doing yoga, lectio divina, watching the sunrise, meditating, praying, keeping a gratitude journal, and so on.
9. Reconnect with your wildness
Your wildness is what is true to you. It’s what feels most organic and real to you.
(And yes, even the idea of wildness can be a suffocating label that we try to fit ourselves into – even wildness can become a marketing ploy. So cut through that crap and get to the juicy core.)
As Mark Nepo writes:
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The unwavering truth is that when we agree to any demand, request, or condition that is contrary to our soul’s nature, the cost is that precious life force is drained off our core. Despite the seeming rewards of compliance, our souls grow weary by engaging in activities that are inherently against their nature.
One of the best ways to reconnect with your wildness is to tune into your energy. What makes you feel drained, depleted, dull, and dry? You can be sure that whatever ‘that thing’ is, it’s trying to put a muzzle on your wildness!
On the other hand, pay attention to what fills you with joy, excitement, fizziness, and passion. You can be sure you’ve found something that enriches your soul: something that is truly you.
Reconnecting with your wildness is very much about learning to connect to your body. Your body is like an antenna of truth, and anything untrue will immediately be registered and expressed by your body.
Mindfulness meditation is a wonderful way of tuning into your body, as well as other practices like somatic experiencing, yoga, and 5 Rhythms dancing. Use these modalities to embody your wildness and find yourself.
Takeaway
When Akiba was on his deathbed, he bemoaned to his rabbi that he felt he was a failure. His rabbi moved closer and asked why, and Akiba confessed that he had not lived a life like Moses. The poor man began to cry, admitting that he feared God’s judgment. At this, his rabbi leaned into his ear and whispered gently, “God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses. God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba.”
— From the Talmud
Learning how to find yourself can be a long journey, but it’s worth walking.
Without finding out who you truly are, you will forever feel lost in life and continuously make the same mistakes, over and over again, ad nauseam.
To find yourself is to be yourself, and to be yourself is to find yourself. There is both an individual and transpersonal element to finding yourself: it is a path necessary for outer and inner growth.
My hope is that now you have a new path to follow and some valuable advice to absorb.
Tell me, what has your journey been like in learning to find yourself? Feel free to vent below or to share any wisdom you’ve collected!
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2. Shadow & Light Membership: Seeking ongoing support for your spiritual journey? Receive weekly intuitive guidance and learn to embrace your whole self, including your shadow side. Deepen your self-love and receive personal support from us.
3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Ready to soul search and dive deep? Access our complete "essentials" collection of beloved journals and eBooks. Includes five enlightening eBooks and seven guided journals, plus two special bonuses to further illuminate your path.
hello again loner wolf family
i will try to keep my experiences with finding myself a short story but it is a story that has a long and broken path. i suffered greatly with personal identity and i am still asking myself like ” just who the f*** am i ? ” is my name actually luke ? or am i just going by the name that my adoptive parents gave me when they picked me up from the hospital ? like wtf ??? i won’t rant or waffle on with details and try and sound like i have an IQ of 135+ but come on…….. give me a break. i suffer personal identity crisis nearly every day. always asking spirit, universe, God, Goddess, higher intelligence whatever he/she/it is called just….. “who am i really ? ” i honestly don’t know sh*t about anything and truly understand that i don’t understand anything and know nothing. it is just too much :”((( please just take me away already whoever or whatever you are. just do it, just do it…… please :'((((
</3 Luke :'(
You are God, Luke. You are the Universe. Everything and nothing. You are your soul and the soul of the world. You are here for a reason, your soul is on a mission here. Everything that is happening to you is the curriculum that your soul picked to awaken you. I hope you find yourself because you are light, you are love and you are creation. Which makes you awe-some.
I believe that I have gone through such existential and spiritual crises more than once. As a young child I had a relatively early interest in religion and spirituality, particularly Christianity and Buddhism. I also enjoyed reading mythology (something I have in common with J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, Christians who love pagan mythology, though I think that Lewis was actually an atheist during the period he developed a love of Norse, and later Classical (Greco-Roman) mythology, having lost his childhood faith after the death of his mother, not regaining it until adulthood).
The archetypal figure of an aged man as mentor became important to me. I identified with such figures as monks, priests, and perhaps more worryingly, sorcerers. I have since inwardly joked that clearly I have a repressed urge to wear long flowing robes, even linking it to my childhood wish to be a girl, though that probably had more to do with preferring their company, finding them easier to get along with, and wanting to spend more time with them. More seriously, I think for a bookish and far from athletic child who loathed football and (usually) refrained from physical violence, the idea that one might have strength that did not depend on being physically strong or good at fighting was probably incredibly attractive. I occasionally wryly remind myself of wanting to be a monk when I am struggling with being single, though at the time I was not particular as to whether I would be a Benedictine or a Buddhist monk. Along with having wanted to be a girl, and later a father and at a different time a eunuch, as well as the desire at various times to be with different individual women, I refer to these as “my mutually exclusive desires”. Well, mutually exclusive short of being some sort of ultimate traitor, a monster of depravity…
Reading the Old Testament, Greek mythology and Arthurian romances introduced me at possibly too young an age to certain sexual concepts (seriously, incest people? Well before Game of Thrones. Also bestiality). C.S. Lewis introduced me to the name of Lilith (Jadis’ mother according to Mr. Beaver) and the word incubus (they’re listed amongst the followers of Jadis present at the slaying of Aslan at the Stone Table, under the sub-set of “creatures that, if I described them to you, grownups would not let you read this book”. The first time one reads about Aslan’s death, as with that of Gandalf in Moria, cannot be relived; one is old enough to know this is not really how stories are supposed to go, but does not yet know of their coming respective resurrections. A quick search of an encyclopaedia explained to me what an incubus was, as well as introducing me to the word succubus. So my early fantasies might be said to incorporate the other sense of fantasy, an enchantress, nymphs, and the succubus Lilith, who has plagued my life ever since, resulting in the cognitive dissonance of being a Christian who was also effectively a closet devil-worshipper.
History has long been a love of mine, but I also read much biology at this time introducing a tension between the Genesis creation account and the Darwinian theory of evolution, so I became a deist (not knowing the word) that is to say one who believes that God created the Universe and then left it to its own devices.
At around the age of twelve on the cusp of transitioning from primary to secondary school, I had a psychotic episode in which I was convinced that a being called the Fire Salamander was communicating with me, that I was receiving messages from a planet orbiting a star in the constellation Ursa Major, and that a great greyness was going to sweep over my country town of St Andrews. I came to see a psychiatrist. I learned that in addition to the temporary psychosis, I had Asperger’s Syndrome, part of the autistic spectrum. This most of the time I love, except I suspect it comes between me and having a girlfriend.
I grew very thin at one stage. I lost a lot of sleep and I ran away a few times. I also became physically ill around the same time. I went to a different school to my brothers; they went to Eltham College and I went to Plenty Valley Christian School, now Plenty Valley Christian College.
To be continued.
I have been in the dark night for a long time. I tried to block stifle get rid of and so much more and all of it was not working at all! Depression set in I noticed it/ I stopped what I was doing and asked my self why was I feeling this way. Answer I was trying to be someone I was not. I used my roomie as example because I thought she was a very strong person but found out by going through my dark night that she was the fearful one she withheld she could not face the truth of her self and so much more and then proceeded to project it on me! When the dark night released me it was quick and clear what had been going on for yrs. Unfortunately I can not pick up and leave for a multitude of reasons all legit. BUT I learned how not to take the bait from her let her wallow in her own self deception in short I put me first her at the bottom of the cage. She still brings up her miserable past trying to make it my fault but I KNOW now what the root of problems in her are and I mirror her ways so they go nowhere but back up her. It works! She is so frustrated now that I can sit back and enjoy my life as she is too busy devising baits for me to grab. We are talking about 48yrs of her crap and for the most of those yrs I was not even in her life or near it! But she blames me for all the horrid things she experienced. Too bad she can’t dish out to the ones who gave the hell to her! She would feel much better doing that than by ranting on me! Especially since I refuse her emotions etc. and she is as she calls it independent. Do not think so. Not when she asks me to go here there and everywhere with her and does not go out alone! I sit and enjoy the trees and all nature speak little and offer to do very little now. This is how she wants it. To pull me out of the closet when she feels the need for talk etc. then shuv me back in the closet when shes done abusing me. NOT ANYMORE> She is by herself most times and I feel better than I have in a very long time. I am even able to shrug my shoulders at her when she hands me a bag of her emotional crap. I do harbor a fear I will relapse but I keep self aware to it and so far it works very well and I keep all things straight and not jumbled. I LISTEN to MY inner voice and I like it!! I was lost. BUT now I am found and I like me. I lke how I think and I am able to study my books now and learn again from them just so much that was put aside because of others and their problems being monkeyed on my back because I thought that it was part of caring about them! Yeah well I like caring about me. I like the self confidence my art my music my books my pet my style of so much. How little she has reduced her self to. How little others have reduced themselves to. I try to help them now when they really need and my abilities are sparkling true and that adds even more happiness to my life. I have been able to rearrange my walking schedule to allow me to journal more read more and get more shut eye. Paying attn. to my self has made all the difference and pisses people of terribley because I am not toting around their crap anymore. I can say hi bye all in one breath and keep on walking and that was a feat before! Now I accomplish more in my day and have more peace and I LIKE IT!! IAND I AIN’T rich!! Its easier to say NO to many things and people. I am comfortable with me and I work everyday both awake and in my dreams to shore up my being. I must have been a very strong person to have survived the many yrs of hell I thought I had to endure in order to feel that I was caring for others. Now I can truly care. Its very nice.
I find I judge less. I accept my self and my faults and if I can fix them I do if not I let them exist. Its a lot easier than fighting with yourself all the time!!
Yes I put all your points into activity and they hum right along. Its different now because I allow my self to be conscious of ME! Imagine that! I am really an ok being and I love her. As I told roomie I would like to have me as my best friend..I already have her..!!!! I hope and pray many others find them selves and are freed from so much pain and misery. I hope that I am able to help them along in their journeys. I hope I keep strong and get stronger. Money seems to be an illusion to power and strength. How many do actual good without signing a check. How many get out there and DO something for their fellow beings. Like I said in a group when all that left are the power hungry money mongerers they will kill each other off with the illusion that their ultimate power over all things is all impt they suddenly will turn around and find that they are alone and will shoot themselves as they will not have any power at all! They will suffer the major disillusionment!!
Thank you both so much. You both are impt to me. I have not forgotten you. Extra patience is needed in donate dept. Always in my thoughts you are,
wendy
Thank you as always Wendy, sharing your journey is a wonderful way to help others who are walking this same struggle alongside us.
Got it and doing it and feeling it and it is wonderful!!
All TALENTS ARE ENHANCED. accuracy IS FINALLY WITHIN MY GRASP. AND QUITE POWERFUL!
I FEEL CONFIDENT IN MY TRUE SELF. I ONLY GET SLIGHTLY RATTLED BY ROOMIE THESE DAYS AND LEAVE HER TO FIND HER OWN WAY AND ANSWERS. BUT AM ALWAYS AVAILABLE WHEN SHE COMES TO ME WITH QUESTIONS AS SHE HAS NEVER DONE THIS ONE BEFORE.
SHE IS GROWING TOO. BUT HER MIND CAN NOT ADAPT AND SLIPS A GEAR OR TWO AND HAS RUN A RED LIGHT IN A BUSY INTERSECTION BUT THIS ONE TIME THERE WERE ABSOLUTELY NO CARS COMING FROM ANYWHERE AND I TOLD HER IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE SO YOU WERE OFF THE HOOK. THEN SHE BACKED INTO THE GARAGE DOOR THREE TIMES ONE BY ACCIDENT THE NEXT TWO ON PURPOSE TO SHOW ME SHE’S DONE IT BEFORE.(DUH)
I AM COMING INTO MY REAL TRUE SELF THAT I ALWAYS HAD A GLIMMER OF BUT WOULD NEVER STAY LONG ENOUGH TO CULTIVATE.BUT NOW ITS WORDS NOT OF THIS PLANET CAN DESCRIBE WHATS HAPPENING TO ME. ALL ANIMALS I TALK TO LOOK AT ME WITH OPEN HEARTS AND THOUGHTS AND I HEAR THEM!!!! THIS TOO WAS A GLIMMER BEFORE BUT NOW ITS CLEAR AND I LOVE IT.
I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THEY SAY AND ITS TELEPATHIC! NOW I HAVE EVEN A BIGGER RESPONSIBILTY TO THEM KNOWING THEM MORE INTIMATELY.THEY KNOW LOVE AND HOW TO GIVE LOVE AND AFFECTION. EVEN LIZARDS KNOW THIS.NOT ON A HUMAN LEVEL BUT THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAY AND I AM SO PRIVILEDGED TO BE ACCEPTED INTO THEIR FAMILY. UNFORANTELY HORATIO THE ARMIDILLO GOT HIT THIS A M ON RETURN FROM MY WALK. BUT AT LEAST I WAS THERE TO MAKE SURE IT DID NOT GET CREAMED BY OTHER DRIVERS. I COULD NOT PICK IT UP DUE TO DISEASE IT CARRIES BUT I ROLLED IT WITH SNEAKER TOE GENTLEY TO SIDE AND ONTO GRASS. THIS WAY NOONE WILL HIT IT BUT MAY SCARE SOMEONE WALKING ALONG THE SIDE OF THE ROAD NOT KNOWING HE IS THERE. ANIMALS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MY THING. SINCE A LITTLE KID. BECAUSE THEY ARE TRUER THAN ANY HUMAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN AND TRUST WAS IMMEDIATE WITH THEM.
I HAVE FOUND ME AND DO NOT NTEND ON LETTING ME GO AGAIN. I AM TOO PRESCIOUS AND A GUARDIAN WHO PROTECTS. I KNOW CLEARLY GHOSTS (SPIRITS) GOOD AND BAD ONES. I FEEL BEYOND THS INUTE THIS HR THIS DAY. I SEE THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING AND I AM SAD BUT KNOW THAT THEY ARE MEANT TO HAPPEN AND I MUST ACCEPT THAT PART OF THIS WORLD’S ASS BACKWARDS WAYS. ITS A SHAME. I KNOW I WILL NOT HAVE TO STAY HERE FOR TOO MANY MORE OF EARTH’S YRS. I HAVE SEEN IT FELT IT AND AWAIT IT. I AM NOT AFRAID. I AM ABLE TO LET GO AND RELAX AND IF I FEEL RUMBLINGS I CAN FOCUS STRAIGHT A WAY ON THEM AND KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. INFLUX OF KNOWLEDGE IS TREMENDOUS. IT IS ONLY WHEN I TRY TOO HARD THAT I SLIP AND HUMAN PART SCREWS UP BUT IN A VERY MINOR RMINDER OF A WAY. I KNOW THAT IF I DO NOT PAY ATTN. TO MY INTUITION VOICE I WILL BE IN FOR A LOUSY DAY AND I INSTANTLY COME BACL TO TRUE SELF MY ORIGINS AND RELAX AND LISTEN AND TELEPATHICALLY HEAR SPEAK TO MY QUESTIONS AND GIVING ME LOVE AND COMFORT. I CAN NOT TELL ANYONE STRONGLY ENOUGH TO LISTEN BEYOND THEMSELVES. THEY MUST IF THEY WISH TO GROW AND EVOLVE INTO THE HIGHER BEING THEY ARE MEANT TO BE BUT HAVE FORGOTTEN AND/OR GOTTEN SIDETRACKED FROM CONTINUING ON THE PATH.
I AM NO LONGER LOST. NOT FEELING ALONE AS THERE ARE MANY BEINGS ALL AROUND ME SPEAKING THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND WAYS TO ME. ALLOWING ME TO ABSORB AT A SPEED I CAN KEEP UP WITH. I KNOW I HAVE CHANGED AND ENJOY IT IMMENSELY. THINGS THAT ONCE SCARED ME DO NOT ANYMORE.
THIS A M I WAS SITTING IN CHAIR WAITING FOR MY TIME TO WALK AND MEDITATING AND THERE WAS A LOUD BOOM AND LIGHTS WENT OFF. I JUMPED UP STRAIGHT IN MY CHAIR ! COULD NOT JUMP UP STRAIGHT LIKE THAT BEFORE!!! I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF!!! THE TRANSFORMER BLEW ON MY ELECTRIC POLE RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOME. I WENT FOR MY WALK AND IT HAD AWAKENED THE WHOLE HOOD!!! I LAUGHED AGAIN CAUSE IT WAS LIKE UNIVERSE SHAKING THEM UP LIKE THEY SHAKE ME UP !! AS I CONT’D ON WALK THERE ARE NUMBER OF STREET LIGHTS ENROUTE AND I STEPPED INTO THE LIGHT OF ONE AND IT WENT OUT AND A BOOM WENT OFF ABOUT 2 BLOCKS IN FROM WHERE I WAS WALKING!!! I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF AGAIN AND SAID I HEAR YOU!!! THE NIGHT BEFORE I TURNED B/R LIGHT SWITCH ON AND THE BULB BLEW OUT!!! ON MY WAY BACK FROM WALK I GOT TO A DIFFERENT SECTION AND BOOM ANOTHER TRANSFORMER WENT OFF!!! IT WAS AMAZING!! I KNEW IT WAS NOT THIS WORLD IT WAS MY WORLD TALKING TO ME!!! I HAD COMPANY AND PROTECTION IN MY WALK. YESTERDAY WE WERE COMING BACK FROM DR AND I TURNED MY HEAD AND BAM A FLASH OF THE BRIGHTEST WHITE LIGHT CAME DOWN FROM THE SKY! I LOOKED AROUND AND SAW NOTHING THAT COULD HAVE MADE IT I SAW NO FLASHES OF LIGHT AS WE WENT BY THE LIGHT POLES. ROOMIE DID NOT SEE IT. IT WAS PUREST WHITE! AND MY THOUGHTS WERE YEP THEY ARE HERE WITH ME AND I AM ON TRACK.
I DO NOT EAT LIKE I USED TO. I CAN NOT SEEM TO SWALLOW FOODS LIKE I USED TO. MEANING THEY GET TO MY MOUTH AND ITS A NO NO TO EAT THEM. I HAVE BEGUN FRUIT AND NUTS FOR SEVERAL WKS NOW. ITS ALL I CARE TO EAT. I PUT A SWEET IN MY MOUTH AND IT COMES RIGHT BACK OUT! NEEDLESS TO SAY THE ANIMALS IN THE WOODS GET FED. A RACCOON VISITS ME REGULARLY. ITS ABOUT 4 FT TALL WHEN UPRIGHT. ITS FUR LOKS LIKE ITS BEEN MOUSED!! OR IT STUCK ITS PAW IN ELECTRIC SOCKET!! I TELL IT TO COME BY MY HOUSE AND BE SAFE AND IT LOOKS AT ME TILTS ITS HEAD AND I SEE IT SUCH GLORIOUS DETAIL!!! IT THEN GETS ON ALL FOURS AND WALKS CASUALLY AWAY TO MY YARD.
YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WITH ME FROM THE BEGINNING WHEN I FIRST CAME TO YOU. I SEE WHAT I WAS. I SEE WHAT I AM. I HAVE COME A LONG WAY. YOU HAVE TO SURRENDER YOU HAVE TO TRUST IN THE DIVINE WHATEVER DEITY YOU BELEIVE IN. ATHEISTS I FEEL SORRY FOR BECAUSE THEIR LIVES ARE SO EMPTY AND FULL OF BAD THNGS TO DO TO PEOPLE AND AN ARROGANCE THEY SHOULD NOT CULTIVATE. I ALWAYS WRITE WHAT ISEE BEFORE I LOOK AT POSTS. I ALWAYS TELL WHAT I SEE IN GROUPS BEFORE THE NEWS OR HUMAN WORDS OR THEIR POSTS. THEN I READ THE POSTS AND AM AMAZED AT THE DIVERSITY OF ALL PEOPLES. I FEEL THE EVIL THAT FLOATS THERE AS WELL. ITS NASTY. I HAVE A SAYING THAT DESTRUCTION COMES FROM WITHIN. ITS TRUE. THERE IS A MESS OF IT IN THIS WORLD. AND THE HARD PART IS PEOPLE ARE TOO LAZY TO PAY ATTN TO IT AND WOULD RATHER LET IT TAKE OVER!!! LAZY IS THE ONLY WORD THAT FITS THEM! THE TEENS ARE EASY PREY AND ARE BEING CONSUMED BY IT. THE HAVOC THEY REEK ON OTHERS DUE TO THEIR OBSTINATE DETREMNATION TO CHALLENGE AND REBELL AGAINST THE GOOD. AND PARENTS. HOW THEY IGNORE A LOT OF THE KIDS. THEY DO NOT GUIDE EXCEPT TO SHOW THEM THE EASY WAY OUT OF THINGS. EXAMPELE MCLAUGHLIN ACTRESS DETERMINED TO PROVE SHE IS RIGHT IN WHAT SHE PD EDUCATORS TO DO FOR HER KIDS. I CAN NOT FATHOM THAT IT WAS FOR HER KIDS SAKE. BEACUSE THE KIDS WILL SEE THE TRUTH SOONER OR LATER AND THE DISLLUSIONMENT OF WHAT PARENTS ARE REALLY LIKE WILL TAKE A BIT TO WEAR OFF BEFORE THEY GET ON THE RIGHT TRACK. I DO NOT LIKE TO USE RIGHT ANYMORE. I LIKE TO USE THEIR OWN PATH. ITS HAPPENING ALL OVER. COPS DOING THE UNTHINKABLE!!! AND THEN PEOPLE BAITING THE COPS IN SOME INSTANCES. I SEE COPS ACTIVELY TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE AND THE EVIL COMING IN LIKE A SWOOPING STORM AND FLASHING OTHERS TO DO WRONG AGANST THEIR PATHS AND OTHERS. THE EVIL TRYING TO WIN OVER THE NON EVIL. ITS INCREDIBLE WHAT VISIONS I SEE OF MOMMA NATURE REBELLING AND PEOPLE DEFYING HER!!OUTRIGHT DEFIANCE!!! I CAN NOT BELEIVE THEIR STUPIDITY AND THEN THEY TURN AND SAY YOU OWE ME A LIVING I HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THIS THIS WAY AND SO ON..AND THEY DO NOT!! THEY DO NOT LISTEN!!!
THIS CHANGING BEGAN IN THE LATE 50’S AND STEPPED UP THE PACE IN 90’S. ITS CULMINATION WILL BE 2024 OR 25. REAP THE WHIRLWIND.
I AM NOT BEING SELF RIGHTEOUS EGO DRIVEN OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT SORT. I CAN AND ONLY AM ALLOWED TO SPEAK ON WHAT THE DIVINE FEELS HE/SHE CAN TRUST ME WITH. A SAYING ONLY AS STRONG AS YOUR FAITH IS.
EVEN THE DISCIPLES ASKED JESUS WHY THEY COULD NOT HEAL ALL THE TIME LIKE JESUS. HE TOLD THEM THEY WERE TO ( IN SHORT ) EGO DRIVEN AND WERE NOT IN LINE WITH GOD.
PEOPLE SEARCH FOR THE COMPLICATED IN LIFE TO LEAD THEM. THEY DISREGARD THE SIMPLE AND MOST DIRECT ROUTES!!
I CAN TALK BECAUSE I HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL I HAVE SPOKEN ON HERE AND IN MANY POSTS.
I AM THRILLED AND RELIEVED THAT I HAVE COME SO VERY FAR AS IT BRINGS ME CLOSER TO MY NEW LIFE. I AM EXCITED. I CAN NOT SAVE THIS WORLD. I CAN NOT BE SO PRIDEFUL TO CLAIM I COULD EVEN MAKE A DENT! I CAN ONLY DO AS DIVINE ALLOWS ME TO DO AND AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO TRUST HIM/HER. I CAN SEE A WORLD THAT I COME FROM THAT IS HIGHLY EDUCATED AND LOVING. PAYS ATTN TO ITS YOUTH. PAYS ATTN TO ALL LIVING BEINGS. RSPECTFUL AND KIND. ITS NOT A ONE PERSON DEAL.ITS AN ENTIRE PLANET LIKE THAT!!! IT IS BEAUTIFUL AND IT SHOWS ME PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE , A MULTITUDE OF PEOPLE, CAN ACTUALLY LIVE A LIFE IN ACTUAL PEACE AND LOVE! IT IS ONE DOING FOR ANOTHE R DOING FOR ANOTHER AND SO ON AND NO ROOM FOR THE EVIL AND DESTRUCTION(BEHAVIORS) AS IT SERVES NO PURPOSE ONLY TO END. END AS IN CEASES TO EXIST. THE PLANET MAY REMAIN TO SUSTAIN THE ONES EVOLVED TO PEACE BUT MOSTLY THE PLANETS HAVE THEIR OWN RULES HEAVENLY DIVINE RULES THAT IF FOLLOWED MAKE A WONDERFUL FRUITFUL LIFE.
I ENJOY WHAT I SEE. I LIKE WHERE I CAME FROM I AM GLAD I REMEMBER. I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY LOST BUT I WAS NOT. I WAS SEARCHING TO BE FOUND AGAIN.
THANKS. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU BOTH……
Lisa DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. DO THE CHANGE. YOU MUST OR REPEATS WILL FOLLOW REPEATS.
WHY DO YOU CONTTINUE TO LIVE WITH THE ONE WHO CAUSES YOU TO DELAY AND GIVE SO MUCH PAIN?
I KNOW THERE ARE FINANCIAL THINGS AND STRUGGLES THAT BROUGHT YOU BACK TO HIM BUT THERE IS AN ESCAPE(IF YOU WILL) YOU MUST MEDITATE.IT WILL BE HARD AT FIRST. VERY HARD FOR YOU DOING SO MUCH TO KEEP THE PEACE. YOU REMIND ME OF ME AS I USED TO BE IN YOUNGER DAYS.NOONE TO TRUST BELIEVE IN TALK TO BE THERE FOR ME., ETC. BUT YET I BECAME AWARE OF AN AVENUE OF ESCAPE TO FREE UP MY SELF FROM THOS EPEOPLE WHO I FELT I MUST HELP TO THE DETRIMENT OF SELF. NO. DO NOT HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR THEM. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR STRENGHTHS UP SEE THAT MAYBE YOUR PATH IS HELPING OTHERS BUT THAT YOU MUST CLEAR YOUR SELF FIRST. A AND S ARE HERE FOR YOU TO HELP WITH THE PROCESS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KEEP POSTING JOURNALING AND READING THEIR INTUITIVE SPEAKS AND SLOWLY SURRENDER AND I MEAN SOMETIMES YOU MUST SURRENDER TO YOUR SELF. NOT TO ANYTHING ELSE, YET. AS TRUST IN YOUR SELF WILL BRING IMMENSE CHANGES.
I AM SERIOUS. THEY ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. DO NOT TURN BACK BECAUSE OF FEAR THAT THEY WILL HURT YOU OR DISBLIEVE YOU OR CAUSE YOU SOME MISTRUST. THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE HERE FOR . I KNOW. I HAVE EMERGED FROM THE MISERIES THAT YOU SPEAK ON. BUT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE IS YOU. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN JOURNIES TO GO ON…TAKE A CHANCE ON YOU WHY DON’T YOU. YOU HAVE GIVEN EVERYONE ELSE THEIR CHANCE ON YOU AND THEY SCREWED YOU OVER!!!!
I REMAIN IN KINDNESS AND UNDERSTANDING .
WENDY
Thanks for another thought-provoking article! I really appreciate that you provide detailed steps. I find this really helpful as I move through life and try to be my most authentic self. And you’re right, when I take these steps and do the work, it’s easy to see the improvements on my outlook and overall life.
Thank you for being part of my journey Megan, I’m always happy to see others finding use in my discoveries. :)
My journey has been nothing short of hell. I am currently 56 years old and feel that the universe has tortured me for my entire life, to the point that I often beg for it to stop or for me to die already.
This is a terrible way to think and live, but there is still a small spark of hope where I think “maybe I can find myself before it’s too late, and be content for awhile“. All I feel is fear and anxiety much of the time, but now I have little left to lose. I will be moving away from the place where I was the most traumatized, and moving to an entirely new environment this year. I have to make some hard decisions, such as moving away from my adult son, who I will miss terribly, but I am quite literally running out of time.
Fenris, I was so saddened by your post. I don’t normally write/post on any board, but my heart go out to you. I hope you do find yourself along with peace and contentment. I am 55 y/o and just last year, would pray for death every day. My son is moving to another State so I understand the separation issue. I think I have “found” myself 3 times in life, but life continually changes. At this point, health issues, fixed income, etc. I am trying to find myself again. Best of luck with your path. Luna & Sol, love & light to you both! Thank you for all that you do.
I’m sorry to hear of your struggle Fenris, the perspective of time as a finite deadline can create all kinds of suffering when we have the expectation of achieving something within that limitation.
I’ve often found new environments can be immensely healing in that they take away our hardened perception of the world around us, forcing us to look at our surrounds with a ‘beginners mind’ set of eyes. I wish you the best.
I realise that in a society that teaches us to ‘do’ rather than ‘be’ has left me with identity issues as I tied a lot of my identity to my job as I thought that was my purpose. I realise that no amount of achievement or talent will ever make you happy if you’re not happy inside. But it keeps changing. Which brings me to the question. Who am I really? What do I really stand for? as some of the values of these identities really contradict each other. Is there a way of uniting all these into one somehow? Some past identities I’ve identified with include chef, bartender, stripper, dominatrix, makeup artist, artist, mother, wife, daughter. I’ve known long term what I want, its the problem of getting there. Is there a time frame to how long all this takes? I am slowly working my through the Shadow Journal. Thank you for that, it has brought up a lot of interesting and uncomfortable truths but I am no closer to seeing it on a physical level.
Thank you Sheen for sharing your thoughts on this. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the “Who am I really?” question. Ultimately, all of spirituality is centered around this question. Who are we really? We all have so many personas as you’ve listed. Who’s the one experiencing all these thoughts? Ideas? Wanting to find a ‘purpose’ for their existence.
Finding yourself, at the deepest level, means realizing you’re not any of those roles/identifications. How could you be? If you were, you would if disappeared the moment you shifted from wife to daughter, there’s no permanence in any of those roles. Instead, at a core level we are the presence behind all that, the conscious witness of what’s unfolding in our minds. Shadow work, inner child work and all the rest of it are ways to prepare to soil, of removing the obstacles and defenses that get in the way of allowing us to live from this unchanging center in a more permanent way.
This topic has made me think and overthink
But I am touching base w my artist self again (who was very hidden)
And letting myself evolve into a better version of what I was raised to be
I’m happy for you Crissy :)
Been feeling this way for awhile but have been struggling to put it into words or into some sort of action to help me find happiness again. Thank you for sharing ❤
You’re most welcome Mon :)
Greetings again, I have felt exactly like this lately and should it happen by coincidence that this post pops up exactly when I need it. the point is that I have some idea of what I like doing but I have no idea on where I want to go. Sometimes I feel very lost in the world because I don’t agree with all the shallow and empty pursuits that usually my fellow humans go after. Sometimes, I doubt whether my own thoughts or perspectives are even right at all. But, perhaps thoughts can’t be considered right or wrong to begin with. I’ll admit I am a young adult but sometimes I wonder why I feel so lost and sometimes even disturbed by the world. The questions of ‘Who am I?’, ‘Is this really right?’ and ‘What am I doing?’ plague my mind often. I’m feeling tired of all this fear and insecurity now but I have no idea why I’m feeling it. Thank you for this post though, I’ll take some advice from it and use it.
I look forward to more articles and I hope you are doing well.
Kind regards,
Moon
Thank you Moon for commenting. The existential angst you’re experiencing is perfectly normal and part of the journey. Without allowing our old self, belief and values to dissolve, how can we make room for new ones?
Ultimately out of the three questions you struggle with, ‘Who am I?’ is the one that’ll get you far. It’s only once you know who you are (or better put, who you’re not) that you can then decide where you want to go (or realize that there’s no other place to be than where you already are).
I wish you well on your journey.
Thank you for replying Mateo. What you have written makes a lot of sense as I am beginning to get a full grip on who I actually am now and who I am not.
I also wish you well on your own journey. Frankly, I’m glad this website exists as it has given me a lot of help and I am learning a lot from the articles you two post here.
Keep it up, you are literally doing the work that many need.
Kind regards,
Moon
I’m an Infj personality, I know who and what I am, I just can’t seem to function the way I need, I help people they shit on me, 3 years ago I lost everything and can’t seem to get back to myself, I just want to be able to sustain myself and keep toxic people away. I have no love for people anymore moved in with a friend? Said I needed time alone , now I’m being evicted, no money no where to go and no way to get there, why are people so selfish and uncaring even hateful .i know things will get better, but when they do I’m going to spend the rest of my life with nature and dog, as far as I’m concerned the rest of the world can just disappear, no more people in my life ever again, I’m done with humans they aren’t worth the effort
Your comment reminds me of a quote by the French philosopher Sarte: “Hell is other people.”
I can understand your aversion to others, animals and nature have no pretense and are very simple. I love both, but I’ve also discovered the old saying ‘the obstacle is the way’ to be true; it’s the friction between other people and myself and forces growth.
When we’re on our own, we feel perfect, because there’s no one there that challenges our perception of ourselves or the world. It’s only when we realize that we’re selfish too in wanting to be alone and deprive others of ourselves, that we have many imperfections that arise in the engagement with others, that we can be honest in our desire to continue growing and expanding our beings.
Hey, fellow infj here. The sensitivity is a blessing and a curse but I prefer to see it as a former. There is a small community of infj folks on Quora, go to quora.com and search infj. If anything, you’ll feel less lonely and learn how to turn our quirks into what they are – gifts. Hope your life will turn around!
Ah yes, fellow Infj here as well. I have been in this place as well, often. It’s part of life. I find when I want to cocoon is when I need to heal and there’s nothing wrong with that. Staying there after healing sometimes has to do with fear and expectations. Being highly intuitive and sensitive, especially if you are an empath, will blow your circuit board up sometimes. You can see my smoke for miles when that happens. 3 alarm fire! When life gives me earthquakes, so many times it means I need to change something in me, no one else. There’s clutter in my gutter so to speak. :) And fixing someone else won’t help. It’s just a distraction, a way of avoiding our own needs. I just came out of a very painful time that lasted for years. Two huge betrayals, one was my only daughter and the other my husband. Yep, I was in my cocoon. I had to be. Blood everywhere. I call this time now…….the time where I am in an empty room because I have thrown everything out. Not in a fit but on purpose.
Now I can say – so missie – what do you want in here? I’ve done this before and everytime it’s a very freeing experience. Asking all the questions that Mateo so kindly wrote for us. I bring in a chair but it’s not just any chair. It has to be “me”. Everything has to pass muster because this is MY castle and I am the Queen here.
As far as people go, it’s hard to find those “few”. Animals have truly been my best friends. I find I attract kindred spirits when “I” am in a good place where I am being loving, kind and gentle with myself. Otherwise I usually get a fixer-upper that comes my way.
Cocooning is ok, we just need to be aware that beautiful butterfly wings are furiously beating about till strong and dry. When that day comes, well would be a pity to see that butterfly crawl back into the cocoon and hide. For one, missing the freedom of flight…….
We worry too much sometimes. We expect others to be like us when we are so very unique. Thank goodness too, if there was another one like me walking around, you might see another 3 alarm fire!
Be gentle with yourself. You have a right to BE here warts and all!