We have all been in situations that make us feel anxious, frazzled, confused and panic-stricken.
And yet, some of us seem better than others at dealing with influxes of drama, pressure and demand than others. What is the secret to being cool, calm and collected? And if there is a secret, how can we find our inner peace amongst the chaos in everyday life?
Learning how to ground yourself in any situation is an invaluable life skill that, although seemingly confounding, is far less complicated than you might have originally thought. Once upon a time I used to be completely dumbfounded and annoyed by those who breezed through life, seemingly impervious and infallible to the thousands of little dramas that arise daily. I used to wonder whether this cool serenity displayed by certain types of people was a result of luck: perhaps they were just born as impenetrably tranquil demi-gods who were always, somehow, in control of life 100% of the time?
My belief that being grounded stems from being “in control” has led me down some pretty painful paths. Eventually, after a lot of self-imposed anxiety, I learned that the key to grounding yourself doesn’t lie in controlling yourself, other people, or situations, but letting everything flow its natural course.
The paradox is that the more you try to control or resist a situation – whether by demanding it to be a different way, by desiring something else, or by forcing yourself to “look” a certain way – the more physical, emotional and psychological turbulence you experience.
On the other hand, the more you accept a situation as it is – without trying to change it in any way, or change yourself in any way – the easier it is to remain centered and whole.
Ironically, the more you relinquish control, the more power you have, and the more control you seek, the less power you have.
Life is strange, isn’t it?
So if you are struggling to keep your feet on the ground and stay present, learn from my mistakes and try adopting some of these techniques into your daily life.
1. Focus on your inhales and exhales.
You might have heard this advice over and over again ad nauseam … but don’t take it lightly! Focusing on your breath when learning how to ground yourself is one of the easiest and most immediate ways of centering yourself in the Now. You might notice that when you are frenzied or emotionally unstable your breathing becomes shallow and quick, stemming from the center of the chest. In order to ground yourself, consciously focus on each breath that you take, feeling your breathing deepening to the stomach.
You might even like to couple breath focus with conscious counting. For example, if you are in a particularly tense situation, allow yourself to stop and start counting each breath you take, e.g. “One, (breathe), two, (breathe), three, (breathe), four, (breathe), five (breathe) …” until you have grounded yourself again.
2. Practicing self-remembering.
We have been conditioned since birth to create, build and promote a certain image of ourselves to others. For example, your identity might be that of an autonomous, outspoken and successful business woman, or mine might be of a thin-skinned, artist who puts everyone first because that has been my self-concept since childhood. Whatever your image of yourself is, it is imperative for us to look beyond the veil of the self’s beliefs, memories, ideals, feelings, sensations and inner dialogues to the greater Self’s true nature.
Ask yourself, are you really something as finite, transient and changing as the feelings, thoughts, beliefs, ideologies and assumptions that arise and fade each day within you? Stripping away your identity, your body and your personalities which all strengthen and weaken, come and go, grow and die, brighten and dim, who are you? What remains?
Self-remembering is the practice of stopping yourself in any moment and asking, “Is this really me?” Once you learn that any situation, any person, any success or failure, any sensation is not really “you” and has nothing to do with who you really are, you can relax in the wholeness of your true Self. You can honestly realize that the nasty way your co-worker treated you, the failure of your exam, the pressure of having to make a good impression, all have nothing to do with “you” – only your fabricated identity which is subject to growth, change and decay.
3. Practice the “looking back” technique.
The looking back technique is very simple and works on the following premise: in 10-20 years’ time, will your current problem really matter? Most likely it won’t make much difference, and even if it does, has the problem permanently ruined your life? If so, you might like to reconsider what “happiness” and “success” mean to you and how they are helping or hindering you to live a fulfilling life.
The fundamental principle of life is that “everything will pass,” and so will your source of irritation, frenzy or anger.
4. Incorporate somatic mindfulness into what you do
Somatic mindfulness is best paired with focusing on your breath which helps to anchor you into your body. Somatic mindfulness, which is also known simply as “body awareness” helps to redirect the energy you are focusing on your thoughts, fears and emotions, to the sensations in your body. For example, when I’m feeling particularly ungrounded, I like to focus on my breath and roll my shoulders up and down. Focusing on my body in this way helps me to not only dispel somatic tension that tends to accumulate easily, but also to center myself in the present.
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Other people like to scrunch their fingers and toes into tight balls and release them, clasp their hands together, stretch their limbs, and many other body-centered techniques that are grounding and centering.
5. Create physical distance
While walking away from a situation is not always possible, it is often extremely helpful to physically take a step back and wind down allowing your mind and body to process whatever has happened. Finding solitude in nature is a particularly helpful way of grounding yourself and reminding you that life is so much more than your fears and troubles. Making solitary time for yourself each day is a good way of bringing everything back into perspective without getting lost in the details.
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Learning how to ground yourself in any situation requires patience, discipline and persistence. But while it takes genuine effort to center yourself, the good news is that you are just as capable of being calm and collected in daily life as anyone else and the recommendations I’ve made in this article will help you to establish a foundation for that.
If you have any tried and tested ways of grounding yourself that you would like to recommend, please share in the comments!
You know you hit the nail on the head with me. I have had much experience with all you have said and a lot of the time I tend to lose it by trying to force change and so on. This last trial I decided to try a new avenue and relaxed relinquinshed control and the power came immediately back. I am such a stupid head sometimes. Rebelling against a natural order of things. The more I fought to make things go away and not feel so much anger and such the more powerless I became. It was horrible. Then pride entered the picture. Whoa! Never knew I had such pride! So I let my self feel what it had to and let go of what it had to and pride is back somewhere in space floating on its orbit and anger is still on the semi surface but not in control and I have relinquinshed surrendered and feel so much better and secure knowing I am not needing fear that was consuming me even without me knowing it was so great! Self aware…I wonder if I truly have followed the path set down for me when I was young or did I betray my self and fool my self into thinking I was on the right track. A quandry. I swore to always help people.Always crusade for the underdog as I was one myself. Oh this ones for the journal but for another day..Much to think on and purge and accept. Not much for accepting. My Gram always told me “accept your lot in life”. When do you know what your lot in life is? I mean I thought I knew my lot. Possible when I feel comfortable in my skin and mind with no ripple effects but so long ago for me I just did what I thought was right. All my life. But I found a wicked side to myself. I had to let it out and be experienced and once I did that I had control like never before. Right from wrong so clear and just so that’s it. I feel sometimes all the things I fight against I have to experience in order to KNOW what I am talking about and can actually have proof to share with someone who may need help through what I experienced. Maybe I sound childish or naïve but I have gone back to what made me what I liked. I am looking at me and determining what applies now and what has to be gotten rid of. Maturity?
I am a thinker. I remember when I first began to think a thought! Magic! In that instant I ceased to be a child. I was encased in a little body but my mind was as huge as the globe! And I relished the delight of thinking!
I got to stop thinking for a bit I think my head may explode!!!!
Thank you Dear Hearts much revelations coming through like a waterfall.
Calmer and more relaxed and maybe I can sleep without typing in my head answers and such to try to fall asleep!! Its automatic!!
So much to learn…so high to rise.
Thank you – so precious reminding at the right time :) Today I was already trying to remember and use couple of things mentioned in this article, but my mind was too busy and I couldn’t remember everything. Thank you so much – this is exactly what I needed .
Coming back to my body.
:) ground control to major Tom
Thank you. That was wonderful. Enjoyed reading it greatly. Very needed. I had just finished saying I need to know what to do when such and such a situation arose again as I didn’t handle it as well as I would like to have handled it. Then, there’s the answer.
Having a fifty-four-year-old friend, a different kind of, for his situation in a disability to walk is a challenge, my friend has been in a wheelchair since nine years old. I have strongly pushed off the dice for a winning dots gain penny’s of comforting himself. Meaning, I see him as to appreciate of things military shorts and shirts not to see the beauty of nature.
It is telling me he is up-to of something, first impression is a self-pity. I am telling you this for he is so, I can say, noisy crying my name out loud to heaven along the streets asking for meals and so on. I trust myself knowing he is just making a friendship. The best strike off as a sword of wisdom is to know from his saying to waking me up to see the level of thinking IT IS A PROBLEM if I am now on his kind of shape in life unable to walk and run of course. He has a seven year old kid and a wife with the same disability.
Maybe there must be a story of a disabled person learning his own virtues in seeing life.
I’ve only been doing it for a week. I like it… I’m new to it and it’s tried and true.
Alexander, I’m really delighted to hear that you have tried these techniques and that you find them “tried and true” — this is great news! Most people tend to give up after awhile, but the key is persistent effort. Grounding becomes easier and easier the more you keep it up. Thanks for sharing. :)
I would also highly recommend flower essences. There is a bush flower essence called sundew and it super grounds you. Here’s the link http://ausflowers.com.au/Sundew-15ml.
It’s helped me sooooooooo much in my studies (yes that many o’s). :D it just completely brings you back to right here. I once took it after. Couple of months of hiatus and I’d been feeling off but I couldn’t put it down to what it was… I just thought the usual not enough sleep, nutrition, too much stress etc etc.
I took this, one dose and I was like woah! Backstreets back! I was so in my body that I wanted to go and do cartwheels and handstands and then remembered that I can’t do either.
wonderful and very useful to me! thank you.
Instinctively , whether I’m in a public space, office building or meeting new pple I sit on the floor ( yes I’ve frequently had many “strange ” glances) or if I’m stressed I look @ TE horizon, ( wit the exception of the occasional plane) it’s the view which is unaltered by mankind,
Even if my age is a bit far from yours, I have to thank and give my sincere gratitude to all this marvelous work you are doing. warmest greetings
In addition to those above, I have created a little sanctuary I go to. I suggest Google imaging utopia or heaven or nature and pick something that makes you feel good (nature is awesome for me). My place has a legion of angels all looking over me and there’s a handsome man with great biceps looking into my eyes (I love anything to do with love and romance). I’m surrounded by the energy of trees and the greenest grass. I can see a river flowing before me. I can hear the the water moving, I can hear insects and I can see butterflies. An angel walks past and greets me by my first name.
This scenario calms me down pretty fast, mix it with concentrated breathing and I’ve reduced my anxiety by half. Those of us who suffer panic or anxiety want it to go away right now but you’ll notice even a small change.
Small changes can make the greatest impact to your life over the next few weeks.
Hey girl. Just wanted to say I love the article. I would like to mention the laws of attraction and manifestation techniques. Our conscious minds do not and should not have full control but you can’t deny it has some effect. You can help a situation turn out the way you’d like by visualization and affirmations. I know I certainly have but if things don’t turn out the way I hope for then that’s when I chalk whatever it is up to it not being for my highest good. We have charts and plans before reincarnation so I believe that if your conscious visions match up with your higher plans whatever it is you want to manifest will show itself.
Right on time…so what I needed right now…its like in almost every area of my life, I can do this no problem..but of course where I need to do it most…is where its the hardest for me. Trying to control the outcome is so hard yet letting go and accepting that what happens happens is so scary