How to Stop Ruminating and Feeling Depressed About Your Life

So, you’ve been feeling a little crazy lately.

You just can’t seem to take your mind off your problems, and the harder you try to shut down your mind, the more it revs up. Pretty soon, you find yourself thinking about worrying about over thinking, which makes you feel even more like a lunatic.

If ruminating, obsessing, and worrying feels like a terribly compulsive habit to you, you’re not alone.

People who struggle with anxiety and depression frequently struggle with overthinking. However, according to research, anxious people who struggle with problems like rumination are actually more intelligent than the general population. So if your thoughts are out of control a little too often, you’re probably a highly intelligent person. While this piece of research doesn’t solve your problems, it can help you to understand why you’re so inclined to get dragged into thought.

What is Rumination?

So what is rumination? Rumination can be defined as the habit of constantly identifying with thoughts that play over and over again in the mind, kind of like a broken record. The word “ruminate” comes from the Latin word for chewing cud which is the less-than-genteel habit of cattle which grind up, swallow, regurgitate, and then rechew their food. We’ll explore what “identifying with thoughts” means a little later.

If you want to learn how to stop ruminating, this article will share with you some tried and tested ways to calm your mind and find inner peace.

Why Do We Ruminate?

According to research, we ruminate for a number of reasons, including:

• The belief that we’ll gain insight through ruminating
• A history of trauma
• The perception that we’re facing chronic and uncontrollable stressors
• Personality characteristics that increase the likelihood of ruminating such as conscientiousness, perfectionism, and neuroticism

Types of Rumination

Depending on your predisposition, rumination can be:

• Internal (self-oriented) — e.g. “What is wrong with me?” “Why can’t I act like a normal person?” “Why am I so stupid?” “I’m never going to get better.”
• External (situation-oriented) — e.g. “Why is she such a bitch?” “I’m not going to let them steal my job,” “He is going to get into an accident,” “I think they’re stalking me.”
• Existential and philosophical — e.g. “What is the point of my life?” “The world is going to be destroyed,” “Why do people suffer?”

According to one study published in 2008, rumination can be broken down into the following “flavors” (which can be either beneficial or harmful):

• Worry
• Rumination
• Depressive rumination
• Reflection
• Emotional processing of trauma
• Planning
• Rehearsal
• Working through problems
• Intrusive thoughts

If you want to learn how to stop ruminating, you might benefit from pausing here and considering what type/s of rumination you struggle with the most. Putting a face to your rumination might help you to process it better and develop more self-understanding.

Why Exactly Does Ruminating Cause Us to Suffer?

Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose. —Eckhart Tolle

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, rumination can be defined as the habit of constantly identifying with thoughts that play over and over again in the mind, kind of like a broken record.

But what does the “identifying with thoughts” bit mean?

The reason why ruminating causes us to suffer so much is that we believe in and attach ourselves to these thoughts, almost automatically. However, if you have ever explored the origin of your thoughts, you would have discovered that thoughts simply arise from nowhere — they are completely spontaneous! Yet despite the fact that we don’t control our thoughts, we actually believe we are our thoughts.

Here’s a small experiment. Tell me, what will be the next thought in your brain, and the next, and the next, for the next 30 seconds? Can you honestly tell me what all your thoughts will be? No, of course you can’t. Any intelligent person would be able to see that they don’t know where their thoughts come from or what they will be. This, by the way, is why so many people are attracted to practicing meditation: meditation helps you to see that you are not actually your thoughts. Not only that, but you don’t actually have to believe the thoughts that enter your brain.

Did you read that? You don’t have to believe every thought that enters your brain because they are random fluctuations of energy. YOU are the one that gives meaning to your thoughts and identifies with them. When you stop identifying them, you can see that your thoughts are just like heavy clouds that come and go. They mean no more about you than the weather does.

So if you are not your thoughts because you do not create them, and they are so transient and changeable, who or what are you? You are the space or conscious divine presence beneath your thoughts that observes everything. You can discover this for yourself: what has been with you since your birth that has not and cannot be changed? Your body, personality, DNA, name, gender, thoughts, and feelings can all change … but what remains unchanged?

The reason why ruminating causes us to suffer is because we haven’t found space within our thoughts to witness with clarity our own minds. Instead of seeing the whole ocean we get lost and tossed about in the waves of our thoughts.

In order to learn how to stop ruminating, we need to learn how to break the habit of believing that we are our thoughts.

How to Stop Ruminating and Feeling Miserable About Your Life

What I’ve just mentioned about you not being your thoughts might not come in handy right at this moment, particularly if you’re just looking for some quick relief. But I hope in the future, whenever you next get into a big bout of rumination, you remember the words in this article and explore this reality further.

Below I’ll share with you practices that can give you immediate short-term relief from rumination all the way to longterm relief. I hope you find what you need here.

1. Do an intense workout

For: Short-term relief

The intense nature of exercise helps to shut off the mind temporarily and fill you with feel-good endorphins. Go take a run, do some pushups, sit-ups, rebounding or some boxing.

2. Listen to loud music

For: Short-term relief

Put headphones into your laptop, tablet or phone and play loud music. Obviously don’t play the music so loud that you damage your eardrums, but loud music will help you mind switch gears for the meantime. I recommend listening to calming (but loud) music instead of frantic music. Try to listen to something ambient or classical instead of rap, rock or electro-pop.

3. Focus on your breath and count

For: Short-term relief

If you don’t have an opportunity to practice the first two recommendations, try focusing on your in-breath and out-breath. Count each breath up until ten, then start again. For example, as you breathe in, count one, breathe out, count two, breathe in, count three, breathe out, count four … and so on. Once you reach ten, start from one again. If you can, allow your breath to deepen so that you’re stomach gently rises and falls. Deep breathing will calm and ground you. Here’s a handy GIF you can use to help deepen your breath.

4. Drink a herbal tea for anxiety

For: Short-term relief

Calm your nerves naturally by drinking tea made from Damiana, Ashwagandha, Rhodiola, Siberian Ginseng or Holy Basil. Herbal remedies are a good option for short-term relief and the process of making and drinking the tea itself will help to center you.

5. Write down your thoughts in a journal

For: Long-term relief

You don’t have to be a writer or particularly good at spelling to write in a journal. The purpose of journaling is to extract all of the thoughts locked in your mind and unleash them onto a page to give you psychological and emotional relief. I like to use Evernote (an online note taking website) to record my thoughts. If you sit down to write out your thoughts for ten minutes or more each day, I guarantee you’ll feel the benefits after about one week.

Learn more about how to journal.

6. Keep yourself busy when you’re alone

For: Short-term relief

Being alone tends to trigger a lot of rumination. For short-term relief, keep yourself busy and engaged in something such as cleaning out a cupboard, helping a friend, tending to the garden or doing yoga.

7. Create a meaningful life

For: Long-term relief

When we don’t have anything to look forward to, we tend to dwell on the past or thoughts that obsess about what is “wrong” with everything. One of the best ways to overcome this habit of obsessive thought is to find something you enjoy doing — and it could be anything. For example, perhaps you have always dreamed of creating your own youtube channel or blog? Maybe you’re interested in learning more about aromatherapy, canoeing or quantum physics? While creating a meaningful life isn’t a quick fix, it will give you longterm fulfillment. If you struggle with finding something you enjoy, think back to what you loved doing as a kid.

8. Stop trying to “control” your thoughts

For: Long-term relief

As we explored above, we don’t create our thoughts — in fact, we don’t even know where they come from or why! Therefore, one of the most distressing and futile things we can attempt to do is to try and “control” our thoughts. Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Whatever you resist, persists” and that includes thoughts. If I tell you to NOT think about a pink elephant, do you think about one? Of course! Why? Because you can’t control your thoughts. So the next time you start ruminating, simply notice what is happening. Don’t try and “force” yourself to stop. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but the more you resist your thoughts, the more you will suffer. Instead, you might like to internally make a note “Oh, I’m starting to ruminate again.”

9. Practice mindfulness

For: Long-term relief

Mindfulness exercises are basically the practice of noticing what is happening in the present moment. Too often we filter the world through our thoughts instead of directly experiencing life. When we ruminate and obsess, we are lost in the world of the mind. Mindfulness helps to draw you back to the present moment. There are many free mindfulness resources online which I encourage you to explore.

10. Develop a meditation practice

For: Long-term relief

Meditation is a powerful way of helping you to observe or witness your thoughts clearly. When you’re able to create a space between you and your thoughts, you will be much less likely to get dragged into cycles of rumination. If you struggle to meditate, I recommend listening to guided meditations — many of which can be found for free on youtube and iTunes. Alternatively, try using a free mobile app like ‘Calm.’

11. Practice self-compassion

For: Long-term relief

Be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Understand that you aren’t alone and many others struggle with overthinking and obsessive rumination. You aren’t weird, crazy or broken. You are a normal person who simply struggles to find a space between your thoughts. Read the comments if you’re doubting yourself. There are others in the same boat. Treat yourself as you would with a best friend or loved one. Take care of your needs, forgive yourself, and find the good in life wherever possible.

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I truly hope that this article has inspired you and given you hope to learn how to stop ruminating. One finally practice I recommend is gratitude. Finding five things to be thankful for each day (no matter how small) is a powerful practice that can help de-program your brain. Finally, if ruminating continues to be a problem for you, please do seek out a therapist.

If you struggle with ruminating, overthinking, and obsessing, please share your story below. Help other people in the same boat know that they aren’t alone.