If there is any advice I would universally give to every person, regardless of who they are, it is this: walk your own path.
Walk your own damn path.
Don’t walk someone else’s path. Don’t walk the path your parents predestined for you just because you feel emotionally indebted to them. Don’t walk a path that appears to be yours, but is actually society’s fabricated ideal of who you ‘should’ be. Don’t walk a path just because you fell into it and it’s “good enough.” Don’t walk a path that you feel a sense of enslaved duty towards because it’s what you “need to be” doing according to dominant sociocultural standards.
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Walk your own path. That means CHOOSING your own path in a very conscious way. This is an act of spiritual self-sovereignty.
Table of contents
What is a Lone Wolf?
A lone wolf personality is typically defined as a person (or animal) who prefers to spend time alone rather than being in a group. However, within this website, lone wolf refers to a person who has listened to their calling and has left behind their old life, thus rendering them alone or alienated from others. We all possess an inner wolf that thirsts for freedom, truth, and authenticity. If we seek to live a meaningful life, if we want to fulfill our destiny and spiritual purpose, it’s our job to listen to that inner wolf and embrace our sacred wild nature.
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What does your inner lone wolf want you to know?
Why Most People Are Terrified of Walking Their Own Path
Although choosing your own path may initially sound very empowering, there’s a reason why most people prefer to follow the herd.
First Reason:
Firstly, walking your own path means that you might be REJECTED by others. You might be gossiped about, thought of in disparaging ways (e.g., as a “kook,” “oddball,” “idiot”), and outright alienated or estranged from other people. Sometimes those people who reject you are those closest to you. And what could be more painful than losing a family member, friend, or even partner?
As a species, we’re biologically programmed to seek approval because acceptance equals survival. Inevitably, doing anything that may cause us to be rejected sets off those deep, primal alarm bells and raises the hairs on the back of our necks. I would go so far as saying that walking your own path guarantees that at some point someone will look down on you and say, “what on earth are you doing, you imbecile?”
Second Reason:
The second reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s a hell of a lotta work. No one is out there giving you a map, a set of rules, or instructions that tell you what to do. YOU have to be responsible for figuring it all out from scratch.
It kind of feels like stumbling through the dark in a room full of sharp objects. You will make mistakes. You will fall flat and land smack bang on your face. You will feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, and a lot of other uncomfortable emotions that come with doing something completely radical.
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And on a mental and emotional level, most people see that. Most people understand, on some superficial level, the consequences and therefore prefer the cozy, comfortable, and bland mediocrity of society-prescribed living.
Third Reason:
The third reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s “too much” RESPONSIBILITY.
When you take your path into your own hands, YOU are responsible. There’s no one to blame, point the finger at, whine about, or feel victimized by. You are the worker, boss, innovator, and creator all-in-one. Instead of someone else holding all the cards, you hold all the cards, and it is ultimately your problem if you wind up feeling shitty with what you do. Most people can’t handle that.
Most people like the comfy confines of their cages because it makes them feel justified about feeling like a “poor little” victim of life. Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through blame.
Fourth Reason:
And last, but not least, the fourth reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that they don’t know where to start. Some don’t even know that there is another path, to begin with.
We seem to be raised in cultures that tell us that there are a limited number of paths, aka. the paths that are taught by the big money-making University and College industries.
In school, we are conditioned to believe that going to University is the only path towards developing a legitimately “fulfilling” career path … and that getting a properly certified career path somehow equals happiness. Very few of us are even taught about other equally, if not fulfilling paths. Spirituality isn’t even touched on in most cases.
So when we do stumble upon the possibility of taking a new path that goes against the grain, we are not only intimidated but also invalidated by our social conditioning.
Many people believe that the only way to know you’re walking a “proper” or valuable is if you get the approval of social institutions (or shall I say social marketplaces) in the form of degrees and PhDs. The deep distrust we are conditioned to develop in ourselves paralyzes our ability to act. So many of us never make anything of our dreams – they just fester in the back corners of our minds.
13 Weird and Wonderful Benefits of Walking Your Own Path
So far we’ve focused only on the negative side of walking your own path and being a lone wolf. But what about the breathtaking, exciting, blood-tingly-good benefits?
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When comparing the negatives and positives side by side, let me tell you, the negatives pale in comparison to what you can expect to experience.
Yes, being different and being a lone wolf walking your own path can be uncomfortable, tiring, confusing, and alienating at times – BUT there are so many rewards to reap from this courageous way of living. Some include:
- You’re free to follow your true soul path
- You’ll innovate and create to your heart’s utmost desire
- You’ll connect with people who truly support and nourish you (your soul family)
- You’ll experience tremendous mental, emotional, and spiritual growth
- You’ll become the person you are destined to be
- You’ll make a real difference in the life of others
- You feel more ALIVE
- Gratitude, excitement, and joy come more easily
- Many unexpected doors open to you
- You feel more vibrant and energized
- You feel a sense of self-respect for courageously pursuing your life purpose
- You get to experience the thrill of exploring unknown territory
- You can go to sleep at night feeling happy and content
Read: How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life »
Does walking your own path always mean that you’ll have to embrace being a lone wolf or social outsider? No, not always. Maybe your life purpose really is entering statistics into a data file in an office. Maybe it’s simply being an acceptable member of society. (If you feel empowered by that or like it’s for a greater purpose, all the more power to you!)
But I would argue that there’s a difference between defensive complacency (e.g., “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m perfectly happy in this path/job, thank you very much”) and real fulfillment.
Spiritual Awakening and Being a Lone Wolf
Spiritually speaking, we’re all required to walk the path of the lone wolf sooner or later. Those who have undergone a spiritual awakening and/or dark night of the soul know this all too well. Quite frankly, it’s impossible to keep conforming to society’s expectations and values after the veil has been pulled from our eyes. The old ways will eventually crumble. Something must give.
So, why is walking the path of the lone wolf an inseparable part of the spiritual awakening journey? The answer is that to begin the spiritual path in the first place we must leave the familiar. We must walk alone. We must go on a voyage into the Great Unknown. (If you’re familiar with mythologist Joseph Campbell’s ‘Hero’s Journey,’ or the Tarot’s Fool card, you’ll understand this.)
But what triggers this initial awakening and desire to go solo?
At a certain point in our lives, we look around at everything and everyone around us and think, “there’s got to be more.” We’re no longer fulfilled. Life feels empty. WE feel empty. This thirst for something deeper and greater than material pursuit is what initiates us onto the path of the lone wolf.
Why is it called “the path of the lone wolf”? The reason why I call it the lone wolf path is that it can initially be a very lonely path. WE must be the ones to reconnect with our inner courage, discernment, and wild internal compass to walk the path well – NO ONE else can do this work for us.
And without embodying the inner strength, resilience, and intelligence represented by the wolf, we can easily fall back into the soulless and oftentimes destructive life lived by the billions of sheep out there.
How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path
Walking your own path, on some level, always requires a conscious choice in which you say “YES, this feels true to me and what my Soul really craves for.” Even if you accidentally stumble onto that path, walking an authentic path always requires some level of self-awareness.
At some point in your life journey, you’ll need to embrace being a lone wolf. You’ll have to go at it alone. You’ll have to go against the grain, break free from the herd, ask the difficult questions, and face the confronting truths which may alienate you from others.
You’ll need to be discerning, see through the bullshit, shrug off the haters, and keep moving forward, even if you’re tired of fighting.
Being a lone wolf means being a spiritual warrior. It means standing up for what you believe in and courageously walking into the wild unknown.
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It’s all worth it. I can assure you of that and I can keep asserting it until I turn black and blue – but ultimately you must discover this for yourself. Don’t take anything I say as truth unless you have experienced it directly.
If you’re drawn towards embracing your inner wolf, beginning your spiritual journey, and courageously walking your own path, here are some helpful pointers:
1. Understand and accept that there will be some backlash
Whether from your friends, family members, or society at large, you will inevitably encounter naysayers. At some point, you’ll be met with cynics, killjoys, and sourpusses who seek to bring you down to their level. The reason why they fight against you is that, in their minds, you invalidate their way of existence. By courageously forging your own path you are causing them to reflect on their own lives and decisions. If on some level, they’ve realized that they’ve followed the crowd and made no unique decisions of their own, they’ll feel a sense of resentment which they’ll project onto you.
Although it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of this, understand that the issue lies with them, not you. Everyone walking a path with a heart will experience social unease at some point – you’re certainly not alone in facing this problem. Just keep moving forward and remind yourself that it’s no one’s place to dictate what your life should be like except you.
2. Ask yourself, “What do I truly and deeply want?”
This is not a question you ask just once, this is a question you continuously ask on your path, thousands of times over. Keep bringing back your focus on what you desire on the deepest level – not what others want to project or dump onto you.
What do you feel called to do? What do you wish to accomplish in your life? What wild paths are you afraid to take because they are so alien – but that you feel secretly drawn towards?
Our paths are not static: they’re constantly shifting, evolving, and changing. By repeatedly asking yourself this question, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself over and over again. Instead of getting stuck in an old and stagnant way of living, you will be in tune with your Soul.
Read: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
3. Question everything
Being a lone wolf and walking your own path go hand-in-hand with a sharp mind. How are we to discover what is our “stuff” vs. other’s “stuff” if we can’t be discerning? How can we learn what is true and what is deceptive without the ability to analyze?
Your mind is a tool that needs to be sharpened. Without having a sharp mind, it’s easy to fall into delusion, naivety, and stumble into rabbit holes which lead to great confusion. Without the ability to use critical thought (and balance that with an open heart), you can easily fall prey to emotional and spiritual predators out there.
Your ability to be discerning is your protective sword on your path. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be discerning! Don’t let anyone convince you of anything until you have experienced it yourself.
Read: The Dangers of Lacking Spiritual Discernment »
4. Love yourself and be your own best friend
Embracing the path of the wolf and taking responsibility for your life can be lonely. If you are your own worst enemy, your path will be a million times harder. But if you can focus some of that energy on learning to love and accept yourself exactly the way you are (warts and all), your path will be a million times easier.
You are with yourself 24/7 and you’re the only person who has been there by your side through everything … doesn’t it make sense to like who you are? Doesn’t it make sense to enjoy spending time with yourself? In my experience it absolutely does. Practicing self-compassion and learning how to love yourself are two of the most powerful tools and strengths you can possess. Ever.
5. Know yourself
Strive to learn a little bit more about yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses each and every day. Self-discovery and self-understanding are tremendously important facets of walking your own path. As the wise master, Lao Tzu once wrote, “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” Only when you can come to deeply know yourself can you truly embrace who you are and walk your path with confidence.
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6. Feel the fear, but act anyway
Walking the path of the lone wolf will inevitably confront you with some scary and intimidating situations. Even just starting the path can be terrifying.
Following your heart and listening to your calling is not as sunshine-and-roses as many people make it out to be. Often it requires tremendous sacrifice and the ability to look fear straight in the face without turning away.
While I am not a perfect example, I have learned as a rule that feeling the fear but acting anyway is a good choice (in most cases). Obviously, if you’re facing a life-threatening situation it would be better to pause and probably run the opposite way.
But if the fear you’re feeling is emotional or psychological be gentle with yourself and keep pushing forward. Hold your goal in mind, reaffirm your worthiness and inner strength, and keep going. Don’t let anything or anyone try to bring you down. And if you do fall down, keep picking yourself up, over and over again. Remember, you can do anything, just do it afraid. Have the courage to be vulnerable.
7. Let your wild nature guide you
You are both human and divine – accept this. Embrace the wild and non-rational part of you that serves as your inner compass. Listen to your gut feelings and let your animal self be filled with passion. You don’t have to be tamed or repressed any longer.
Walking your own path and embracing the lone wolf side of you means that you finally have freedom. You have the freedom to feel the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, and the earth beneath your feet. Your life is your making. Your destiny is in your hands.
Make sure that you get out of your mind and into your body; into your heart, blood, and bones … what are they telling you? Honor the wisdom in your instinctual nature. Honor the wild and raw passion pulsating deep within. Harness this passion and let it guide and motivate you.
There is no point walking a path that you do not feel passionate about. Let the wolf within you howl loudly and freely. Remember that YOU are both the traveler and the path all-in-one. The compass you need for your path is always within. Be careful of looking for it outside of yourself. While others may be able to shine a light on your path, ultimately the greatest guiding light is your own Soul.
Read: 7 Signs You’re a Free Spirit »
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What is your experience with walking the path of the lone wolf? What struggles have you faced and how have you overcome them (if at all)? What did it feel like when you broke away from the herd and followed your own path? I’d love to read your response below.
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This was wonderful, I literally felt uplifting energy from this words, thank you Mateo, so much.
I’m a wolf who walks alone together with two junior wolves. I refused to conform to standards of “normal living” and I’m raising little wolves on different way. Result is that I am kicked out of my family and most of my friends don’t understand but at least they are trying. I will read this article ti both of my children.
This is exactly what I’m telling them.
Walking your own path is exactly like you describe it. For me, the worst was to be judged and shamed by my own family.
Second worst was that I am raising children (teens) to be wolves and society is doing everything to make them be sheep. Enormous energy is needed in order to stay persistant. A lot of self-doubts and panic attacks on that path.
Thank you so much.
That’s so inspiring to hear Marinela, it’s so easy to adopt norms without questioning. If you don’t know where you’re going, the world is more than happy to provide you endless destinations. That’s why I encourage everyone to learn and teach critical thought, confrontation is always welcome if done with the intentional to have a conversation of exploration and growth, to free ourselves from inherited ideologies, it’s the only way to stay true to oneself. Keep up the good work :)
When you live in a working class family that expects you will either follow your siblings onwards into Teaching, or further on to a degree and a stable job in the community, then you know it’s time to take a lateral thought, go against popular opinion, and against societal norms and standards of acceptance. Go against the grain, or the expected tide and accept the consequences of a wonderful and challenging future. To ride on the back of the tiger, not knowing when you will win, fail or fall off and get eaten, but accepting your wild side.
So stand up for your own rights and belief systems, break the confines of standard education. Not listening to the rounds of… What might happen? … and How are you going to manage without a well paid job?… Why have you not considered how we feel? ,,, just listen to reason and fall into line along with all the other foot tapping penguins, and gather at the local hot spots for sheep-dom. Sound familiar yes/no?
Well when my turn came to hear all the Na’s and bleats from the locals and family sheep pen, I new I would either go mad, and end up unhappy in some boring menial job, or have to take a leap of faith, swallow my fears, run the gauntlet of social disapproval, for freedom and what ever matched my needs.. So I became and Artist. Which was for Spiritual discovery and personal choice.
I became the black sheep, .. Being reminded that most Artists, end up starving in some foreign location, with no money of their own, and mix with the wrong crowd… (the undesirable, unemployable ones, drug taking layabouts living off the public purse)
Not realising back then, that by standing my ground and changing my intentions from boring sheep-dom to interesting path, I had become a Lone Wolf. Unacceptable to family standards, and out of touch with the local rigid standards and rules.
So when young it’s good to run the gauntlet, no matter what others say or thing about you. As they can only have boring local memories, while mine are memories of being tested in every part of my being. To survive, small town mentally, and to test my ability to find my self, and foil the unknown beasts that often challenge you along the way.
So many blessings Wild Ones….. Namaste.
It is absolutely amazing. The day that I handed in my resignation at the family company to start my own thing, walk my own path and be who I was destined to be, this email (among a few more signs) popped up on my inbox and gave me more confirmation that what I am doing now is the right step.
It’s still daunting and scary, but so is life. Live the thrill, re-wild yourself and stalk your path!
I truly believe I’m a lone wolf at heart, currently struggling to break free from the corporate herd. I just don’t fit in that world. When I’m there I feel mentally and physically drained, like my soul is being slowly extinguished. I have a plan to break free and it will come soon…can’t wait. Posts like this help me keep a clear perspective on what’s really important and how things really should be in the world. Wish me luck!
I can see how corporate life would have a way of draining the spirit. In most setups, it feels disconnected from any soul, from anything alive and meaningful. Good luck in your coming venture Shawn :)
‘ Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through blame.’ Powerful and very true words.
Thans Linda, the aversion to accountability seems to be quite rooted in many of our psyches. Not that we can be blamed, it goes back to that fear of our own power, that self-doubt that is so pervasive in our culture due to many ideologies within it.
Love it! Walk your own damn path. What would the world be like if we all did this? I’d love to find out.
It would be much more varied, innovative and interesting though possibly at the cost of the ‘efficient’ standardized way of doing things as we have now. It’ll definitely shake things up :).
Thanks for publishing this. This is exactly what I was thinking about when I got up today.
It must be something in the air :)
This resonates so deeply with me right now. I’ve taken some huge leaps away from some groups recently because I felt I wasn’t able to be my authentic self. It’s terrifying, lovely and also it feels right. I’ve had to start learning what it means to dig deep inside myself for strength and to find my own path for myself and my children without a safety net around me. It turns out that new things to open up and that the old group weren’t as true as they seemed anyway. It’s like I’m facing my fears more fully than ever and getting stronger and more comfortable with finding my own way and really learning what is the right thing to do from within, because the noise of other people has stopped.
Thank you Amber, it can be scary to cut away ties from old groups, we’re social creatures after all so it often feels like a death of sorts. But if the people in our life aren’t providing the support or connection we need, sometimes it’s the only option in order to make space for new connections. I respect your courage to venture into this unknown :).
Took the words right out of my mouth. A few hints; bring no mobile devices, respect the nature and be spontaneous. Be prepared to get lost and possibly have to sleep out and about, nothing goes as planned and it makes it a even better life trip. PopXYZ
Thank you, Rupiz :)
I’ve been a “lone wolf” for nearly 9 years now. It’s just always been my nature. The hardest part now is the loneliness – I know a lot of people manage to find their soul group – and I’ve found like minded people but only online – and usually miles away in other countries. I’d love a chilled out group of friends who “get it”, and have the same wants and desires. Just people to hang out with, go on road trips, talk about whatever. Without letting ego or differential opinions and views get in the way. Most people are so stubborn and stuck in their ways – it’s like that “if you don’t agree with me on this you’re a bad person” mindset. It’s really hard. It’s really lonely. I’ve started venturing out more and more by myself but still haven’t found any single human I connect with in real life. Funnily enough I was just thinking about this, and up at 2am when I got this newsletter. I’m a bit depressed after Valentine’s Day too as I feel I’ll be single forever. I always joke about wanting to find “the male version of me”. I’ve given up on that for the most part though.
Thank you for sharing Belle, I can understand the struggle. When we both met we found it so amazing we created LonerWolf with that very hope, to allow kindred spirits to meet through this space. After many years of doing this, we’ve seen quite a few do so, through here and also on our facebook communities (sometimes in different countries and continents.) The internet has opened the possibilities to meeting our ‘soul group’ where once we wouldn’t even know existed. One thing of note is to not close off the doors, when we ‘give up’, we change our mindset and stop being receptively in tune with possible opportunities that present themselves. It can be painful, but being as Dyer put it ‘open to everything but attached to nothing’ is key.
When you stop searching for that someone, they will appear. You are still on your own journey my friend…do you still feel attached to society’s expectations? Do you find yourself focused on a calendar event, which is one day out of the year? Are you truly looking for someone just like you? If so, you already have you. What if you found someone who wasn’t just like you, but loved you, and yet challenged you? Made you a better thinker, made you more self-sufficient, as you could not rely on them to provide all of your dreams and desires? Made you question why and when and how? I’ve learned everything from my failures and nothing from my successes. I promise, and I know this to be true, the vast majority of people you meet, are not the person they “are”. if you are a self confident woman, that can be very intimidating to a man….but just, be. Hang in there, they have to know you long enough and trust you long enough, to let you see the real them; when they say “it’s not you, it’s me”, believe them. I don’t have a lot of advice for the friends issue, I’ve been a lone wolf since birth, and found it was more fatiguing than energizing trying to maintain a friendship built around their expectations of “what friends do”. I keep it to a minimum, I enjoy the occasional get together, but I’d rather just spend my time with one special person, than to try and maintain focus and not absorb what’s going on with a group long term. It doesn’t have to be lonely, find the right number for you, but I think you may already have. :)
You spoke my mind! Hard time making new connections! I have good people online but need someone to hang out in person!!
I think the hardest part is the way our society is built. Not primarily others opions necessarily, but how the job market works and that you’re ”stuck” in a loop of working in what job is available to pay the rent and not finding time freedom or energy to pursue your goals. It’s very sad, and doing my best to try to change it step jy step…
Yes, definitely. Society is structured in a way that binds you to its unspoken rules of work/consume/work/consume. There are many alternative ways of living that can free us from this enslaved living. Minimalism, for example, is a powerful philosophy and practice – and there are many other paths like tapping into your own creator/enterpreneur, and so on. You can do this!
I have a burning question about my lone wolf spiritual path and journey (BTW I am a Lone Wolf I have come to realize). The question is: “Can I walk down this spiritual path even while being married and having kids, or does going at it “solo” mean leaving everything and everyone I know behind physically and going off into the woods somewhere? Or does it mean breaking free from society’s shackles that have been designed, imposed and locked into me and being essentially a “non-conformist” (which I have always been since I could remember) and while living the life I built still go down this spiritual path without compromising my family?
Never have I had fear of being in a social situation like women groups or say for instance mommy and me classes or in college seminars as a matter of fact I am actually a fantastic waitress since my teenage years and I am very happy with myself and I am very confident in skills that are important for me to do this work so being able to introduce myself and to take orders and manage to make a dining experience worth it in tails cleaning tables serving the customers and making sure they have a great time and experience with myself ..
Also the uncertainty about this issue has not been made knowledgeable to me so that kind of known and I am actually very concerned about it being in my own mind and being without any knowledge as to why it happened in first place I am a working class citizen who has two children whom I am very much interactive with as far as school and soccer practice etc etc
Thank you for sharing, Nicole. I wish you all the strength and guidance you need going forward. :)
Hi, this is so timely! I’m alone a lot and I’m ok with that… recently it’s felt harder tho…
needed to read this today. Thank you both for your wonderful work.