If there is any advice I would universally give to every person, regardless of who they are, it is this: walk your own path.
Walk your own damn path.
Don’t walk someone else’s path. Don’t walk the path your parents predestined for you just because you feel emotionally indebted to them. Don’t walk a path that appears to be yours, but is actually society’s fabricated ideal of who you ‘should’ be. Don’t walk a path just because you fell into it and it’s “good enough.” Don’t walk a path that you feel a sense of enslaved duty towards because it’s what you “need to be” doing according to dominant sociocultural standards.
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Walk your own path. That means CHOOSING your own path in a very conscious way. This is an act of spiritual self-sovereignty.
Table of contents
What is a Lone Wolf?
A lone wolf personality is typically defined as a person (or animal) who prefers to spend time alone rather than being in a group. However, within this website, lone wolf refers to a person who has listened to their calling and has left behind their old life, thus rendering them alone or alienated from others. We all possess an inner wolf that thirsts for freedom, truth, and authenticity. If we seek to live a meaningful life, if we want to fulfill our destiny and spiritual purpose, it’s our job to listen to that inner wolf and embrace our sacred wild nature.
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What does your inner lone wolf want you to know?
Why Most People Are Terrified of Walking Their Own Path
Although choosing your own path may initially sound very empowering, there’s a reason why most people prefer to follow the herd.
First Reason:
Firstly, walking your own path means that you might be REJECTED by others. You might be gossiped about, thought of in disparaging ways (e.g., as a “kook,” “oddball,” “idiot”), and outright alienated or estranged from other people. Sometimes those people who reject you are those closest to you. And what could be more painful than losing a family member, friend, or even partner?
As a species, we’re biologically programmed to seek approval because acceptance equals survival. Inevitably, doing anything that may cause us to be rejected sets off those deep, primal alarm bells and raises the hairs on the back of our necks. I would go so far as saying that walking your own path guarantees that at some point someone will look down on you and say, “what on earth are you doing, you imbecile?”
Second Reason:
The second reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s a hell of a lotta work. No one is out there giving you a map, a set of rules, or instructions that tell you what to do. YOU have to be responsible for figuring it all out from scratch.
It kind of feels like stumbling through the dark in a room full of sharp objects. You will make mistakes. You will fall flat and land smack bang on your face. You will feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, and a lot of other uncomfortable emotions that come with doing something completely radical.
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And on a mental and emotional level, most people see that. Most people understand, on some superficial level, the consequences and therefore prefer the cozy, comfortable, and bland mediocrity of society-prescribed living.
Third Reason:
The third reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s “too much” RESPONSIBILITY.
When you take your path into your own hands, YOU are responsible. There’s no one to blame, point the finger at, whine about, or feel victimized by. You are the worker, boss, innovator, and creator all-in-one. Instead of someone else holding all the cards, you hold all the cards, and it is ultimately your problem if you wind up feeling shitty with what you do. Most people can’t handle that.
Most people like the comfy confines of their cages because it makes them feel justified about feeling like a “poor little” victim of life. Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through blame.
Fourth Reason:
And last, but not least, the fourth reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that they don’t know where to start. Some don’t even know that there is another path, to begin with.
We seem to be raised in cultures that tell us that there are a limited number of paths, aka. the paths that are taught by the big money-making University and College industries.
In school, we are conditioned to believe that going to University is the only path towards developing a legitimately “fulfilling” career path … and that getting a properly certified career path somehow equals happiness. Very few of us are even taught about other equally, if not fulfilling paths. Spirituality isn’t even touched on in most cases.
So when we do stumble upon the possibility of taking a new path that goes against the grain, we are not only intimidated but also invalidated by our social conditioning.
Many people believe that the only way to know you’re walking a “proper” or valuable is if you get the approval of social institutions (or shall I say social marketplaces) in the form of degrees and PhDs. The deep distrust we are conditioned to develop in ourselves paralyzes our ability to act. So many of us never make anything of our dreams – they just fester in the back corners of our minds.
13 Weird and Wonderful Benefits of Walking Your Own Path
So far we’ve focused only on the negative side of walking your own path and being a lone wolf. But what about the breathtaking, exciting, blood-tingly-good benefits?
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When comparing the negatives and positives side by side, let me tell you, the negatives pale in comparison to what you can expect to experience.
Yes, being different and being a lone wolf walking your own path can be uncomfortable, tiring, confusing, and alienating at times – BUT there are so many rewards to reap from this courageous way of living. Some include:
- You’re free to follow your true soul path
- You’ll innovate and create to your heart’s utmost desire
- You’ll connect with people who truly support and nourish you (your soul family)
- You’ll experience tremendous mental, emotional, and spiritual growth
- You’ll become the person you are destined to be
- You’ll make a real difference in the life of others
- You feel more ALIVE
- Gratitude, excitement, and joy come more easily
- Many unexpected doors open to you
- You feel more vibrant and energized
- You feel a sense of self-respect for courageously pursuing your life purpose
- You get to experience the thrill of exploring unknown territory
- You can go to sleep at night feeling happy and content
Read: How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life »
Does walking your own path always mean that you’ll have to embrace being a lone wolf or social outsider? No, not always. Maybe your life purpose really is entering statistics into a data file in an office. Maybe it’s simply being an acceptable member of society. (If you feel empowered by that or like it’s for a greater purpose, all the more power to you!)
But I would argue that there’s a difference between defensive complacency (e.g., “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m perfectly happy in this path/job, thank you very much”) and real fulfillment.
Spiritual Awakening and Being a Lone Wolf
Spiritually speaking, we’re all required to walk the path of the lone wolf sooner or later. Those who have undergone a spiritual awakening and/or dark night of the soul know this all too well. Quite frankly, it’s impossible to keep conforming to society’s expectations and values after the veil has been pulled from our eyes. The old ways will eventually crumble. Something must give.
So, why is walking the path of the lone wolf an inseparable part of the spiritual awakening journey? The answer is that to begin the spiritual path in the first place we must leave the familiar. We must walk alone. We must go on a voyage into the Great Unknown. (If you’re familiar with mythologist Joseph Campbell’s ‘Hero’s Journey,’ or the Tarot’s Fool card, you’ll understand this.)
But what triggers this initial awakening and desire to go solo?
At a certain point in our lives, we look around at everything and everyone around us and think, “there’s got to be more.” We’re no longer fulfilled. Life feels empty. WE feel empty. This thirst for something deeper and greater than material pursuit is what initiates us onto the path of the lone wolf.
Why is it called “the path of the lone wolf”? The reason why I call it the lone wolf path is that it can initially be a very lonely path. WE must be the ones to reconnect with our inner courage, discernment, and wild internal compass to walk the path well – NO ONE else can do this work for us.
And without embodying the inner strength, resilience, and intelligence represented by the wolf, we can easily fall back into the soulless and oftentimes destructive life lived by the billions of sheep out there.
How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path
Walking your own path, on some level, always requires a conscious choice in which you say “YES, this feels true to me and what my Soul really craves for.” Even if you accidentally stumble onto that path, walking an authentic path always requires some level of self-awareness.
At some point in your life journey, you’ll need to embrace being a lone wolf. You’ll have to go at it alone. You’ll have to go against the grain, break free from the herd, ask the difficult questions, and face the confronting truths which may alienate you from others.
You’ll need to be discerning, see through the bullshit, shrug off the haters, and keep moving forward, even if you’re tired of fighting.
Being a lone wolf means being a spiritual warrior. It means standing up for what you believe in and courageously walking into the wild unknown.
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It’s all worth it. I can assure you of that and I can keep asserting it until I turn black and blue – but ultimately you must discover this for yourself. Don’t take anything I say as truth unless you have experienced it directly.
If you’re drawn towards embracing your inner wolf, beginning your spiritual journey, and courageously walking your own path, here are some helpful pointers:
1. Understand and accept that there will be some backlash
Whether from your friends, family members, or society at large, you will inevitably encounter naysayers. At some point, you’ll be met with cynics, killjoys, and sourpusses who seek to bring you down to their level. The reason why they fight against you is that, in their minds, you invalidate their way of existence. By courageously forging your own path you are causing them to reflect on their own lives and decisions. If on some level, they’ve realized that they’ve followed the crowd and made no unique decisions of their own, they’ll feel a sense of resentment which they’ll project onto you.
Although it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of this, understand that the issue lies with them, not you. Everyone walking a path with a heart will experience social unease at some point – you’re certainly not alone in facing this problem. Just keep moving forward and remind yourself that it’s no one’s place to dictate what your life should be like except you.
2. Ask yourself, “What do I truly and deeply want?”
This is not a question you ask just once, this is a question you continuously ask on your path, thousands of times over. Keep bringing back your focus on what you desire on the deepest level – not what others want to project or dump onto you.
What do you feel called to do? What do you wish to accomplish in your life? What wild paths are you afraid to take because they are so alien – but that you feel secretly drawn towards?
Our paths are not static: they’re constantly shifting, evolving, and changing. By repeatedly asking yourself this question, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself over and over again. Instead of getting stuck in an old and stagnant way of living, you will be in tune with your Soul.
Read: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
3. Question everything
Being a lone wolf and walking your own path go hand-in-hand with a sharp mind. How are we to discover what is our “stuff” vs. other’s “stuff” if we can’t be discerning? How can we learn what is true and what is deceptive without the ability to analyze?
Your mind is a tool that needs to be sharpened. Without having a sharp mind, it’s easy to fall into delusion, naivety, and stumble into rabbit holes which lead to great confusion. Without the ability to use critical thought (and balance that with an open heart), you can easily fall prey to emotional and spiritual predators out there.
Your ability to be discerning is your protective sword on your path. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be discerning! Don’t let anyone convince you of anything until you have experienced it yourself.
Read: The Dangers of Lacking Spiritual Discernment »
4. Love yourself and be your own best friend
Embracing the path of the wolf and taking responsibility for your life can be lonely. If you are your own worst enemy, your path will be a million times harder. But if you can focus some of that energy on learning to love and accept yourself exactly the way you are (warts and all), your path will be a million times easier.
You are with yourself 24/7 and you’re the only person who has been there by your side through everything … doesn’t it make sense to like who you are? Doesn’t it make sense to enjoy spending time with yourself? In my experience it absolutely does. Practicing self-compassion and learning how to love yourself are two of the most powerful tools and strengths you can possess. Ever.
5. Know yourself
Strive to learn a little bit more about yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses each and every day. Self-discovery and self-understanding are tremendously important facets of walking your own path. As the wise master, Lao Tzu once wrote, “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” Only when you can come to deeply know yourself can you truly embrace who you are and walk your path with confidence.
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6. Feel the fear, but act anyway
Walking the path of the lone wolf will inevitably confront you with some scary and intimidating situations. Even just starting the path can be terrifying.
Following your heart and listening to your calling is not as sunshine-and-roses as many people make it out to be. Often it requires tremendous sacrifice and the ability to look fear straight in the face without turning away.
While I am not a perfect example, I have learned as a rule that feeling the fear but acting anyway is a good choice (in most cases). Obviously, if you’re facing a life-threatening situation it would be better to pause and probably run the opposite way.
But if the fear you’re feeling is emotional or psychological be gentle with yourself and keep pushing forward. Hold your goal in mind, reaffirm your worthiness and inner strength, and keep going. Don’t let anything or anyone try to bring you down. And if you do fall down, keep picking yourself up, over and over again. Remember, you can do anything, just do it afraid. Have the courage to be vulnerable.
7. Let your wild nature guide you
You are both human and divine – accept this. Embrace the wild and non-rational part of you that serves as your inner compass. Listen to your gut feelings and let your animal self be filled with passion. You don’t have to be tamed or repressed any longer.
Walking your own path and embracing the lone wolf side of you means that you finally have freedom. You have the freedom to feel the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, and the earth beneath your feet. Your life is your making. Your destiny is in your hands.
Make sure that you get out of your mind and into your body; into your heart, blood, and bones … what are they telling you? Honor the wisdom in your instinctual nature. Honor the wild and raw passion pulsating deep within. Harness this passion and let it guide and motivate you.
There is no point walking a path that you do not feel passionate about. Let the wolf within you howl loudly and freely. Remember that YOU are both the traveler and the path all-in-one. The compass you need for your path is always within. Be careful of looking for it outside of yourself. While others may be able to shine a light on your path, ultimately the greatest guiding light is your own Soul.
Read: 7 Signs You’re a Free Spirit »
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What is your experience with walking the path of the lone wolf? What struggles have you faced and how have you overcome them (if at all)? What did it feel like when you broke away from the herd and followed your own path? I’d love to read your response below.
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Wow great to be back here on an article binge. Yes I’ve realized recently that fear equals growth!
Wonderful to have you back Lachlan, yes “the obstacle is the way” as some put it :).
You claim to be a Lonewolf and the first thing you see is you standing with your girlfriend. I think you COMPLETELY miss the point! Don’t tout a website as a “Lonewolf” when aren’t actually one!!
I appreciate your comment. Both Luna and I were lone wolves prior to meeting, and continue to pursue a solitary path as much as possible now also even with our obligations. Being a Lone wolf is not the same as being a hermit. Lone wolf is an internal quality of minimizing distractions that take away from what really matters and maintaining a sovereignty in our own company.
You can be a lone wolf even in a crowd of people, I think you’re focusing only on the external aspect of it.
I hope this provides some clarity.
In 2012 I started having these feelings and opinions, which I tried to block. I knew I was on a mission but I wasn’t in charge. I made mistakes and caused deep pain to myself and others. I took a detour, but I finally found a place that fits my inner cravings. I am in a personal life change, and your information and guidance is feeding my soul. The teachings about following your “own path” should be taught in schools. My path is “spiritual” – if I can trust my inner soul. I could talk about LoneWolf all night but I will end with “check it out” everything will start to make sense.
Thank you Debra, I’m so happy to know you’ve found a home in our work :)
It’s scary because I should follow my heart or gut or desires, but I don’t know what they are. This is why I am so lost. I don’t like the old ways, of the systems and the social constructs but I also have no flipping idea what else to do.
Dear Nothingatall, I hear you! I am fresh out of an emotionally abusive relationship where I experienced “learned helplessness” (where the other person demeans you to the point that you no longer trust your own feelings, thoughts, or instincts; and makes you feel dependent on them–so they have someone to use and abuse!). I have PTSD , am in therapy, and on antidepressants. I’ve got arthritis, fibromyalgia, and tendonitis; which greatly narrows the types of jobs I can perform. I am currently living with family, and feel extremely guilty about it since I am not emotionally or physically strong enough to go get a job and support myself (I’m 56!). Also, I was never able to get a higher degree due to various life circumstances; and I was previously married for 25 years, and stayed home to raise my two kids. I’m terrified of the “working world”, but I cannot just remain a burden on my family. I don’t even know where to begin!
My story is like many others you have heard already, but I shall tell you about my self inflicted isolation for 22 years which yu aptly call “The Dark Night of the Soul.”
My partner at the time, whom I loved with every fibre of my being, destroyed my trust in myself and in other people, so I cut myself off from everyone and just went to work each day, never went anywhere, or spoke to anyone except for the people in my workplace.
So, for me, it was a rather long “Dark Night of the Soul.” However, two years ago for some reason I decided to find out more about Spirituality and have absorbed myself in everything I could read and there are many different beliefs out in the world about Spirituality and what it means and how to attain a more meaningful life. I have learned a lot but feel I am just beginning and still a novice which is why I contacted you and Luna. Today I am in a good place, full of love, compassion and gratitude. I still struggle trusting my gut when it comes to other people and this is the number one thing I would like to be rid of to give me courage to keep moving forward.
There are many other areas I would like to work on also but I have listed those for you on your questionnaire.
Love
Jeanette
this is some Grade A bullshit bitch. like are you mental. fucking weird ass hoes
mahew, That was totally uncalled for. I pray that you can find a path to kindness and understanding of others. Posting mean and rude comments and namecalling are beneath all of us.
When you are born witha predisposition not to connect with other people accompanied with inadequate social response reflexes you are born on your own path. You can try to maintain social relationships that at least appear normal, however, the greater your effort, the greater the likelihood that your physical and emotional well being will be impacted.
I worked a job that required a high level of social skills in a team environment, to provide care for others. Shortly after arriving home every day I would begin a grueling work out, either running or lifting weights. I looked good. I was strong. I will not say it was healthy. I would proceed to a point of collapse, and then I would feel release from the demands I had put on myself all day. Then I could see my family and interact kindly and as openly as I could.
Eventually I became ill (after many years). When I could no longer work, the identity I suffered to create no longer existed. The lack of the artifice I identified with and depended on as my normalcy and identity was no longer pertinent or utilitarian. What followed was a completely different set of problems.
After years of frustration came the realization that I was not normal in any sense. Along with that came a sense of freedom and release I could not have imagined before. Now I know what it is like to love my life and live within its boundaries. They are very beautiful boundaries indeed. The difficulties and consequences of the pursuit of a normal existence led illness, depression, and only then profound happiness. It also led to the realization that normal must remain a term that is individual, dependent on the likes and capabilities of the person participating. I would never ask for a do over in life, it would be a risk to this wonderful life that perhaps had few paths to it. I would wish that someone younger be educated in regard to the many, many, different and important paths that lead to happiness without exceeding a persons natural capabilites. I am not saying that people should not work hard. Working hard and being tired is different that putting ones self in an environment where personal despair is the likely outcome.
I have a question – how normal is sleep paralysis? Like it freaks me out that I can fall into it intentionally and even unintentionally. I’ve been going through this for so many years now having a series of episodes throughout the days. I’ve had to learn how to calm myself and talk to myself through an episode so that I am able to wake up and keep calm and not have the experience be so frightening. Like is there anything to these episodes?
I also experienced sleep paralysis dozens of times. Not even scary for me anymore. I know a little about the neurological, and physiological reasons why this happens but have not met anybody who it happens to as regularly. I am also very curious and suspect it’s a divine gift of some sort that I just don’t understand how to utilize. Would also like some input and discussion around this topic. Thanks
~Joey
I am not spiritual, but I am very ethical and an animal lover, especially wolves, dogs and canines.
I left society and my old job behind, I was so disappointed by the ‘work/job’ system, I actually felt like I was dying at the desk (I saw some work colleagues actually die at their desk). Your blog post is very accurate, you will likely be met with derision by your peers, family and the closest of people. The job of society members is to keep the herd in line and thinking the same way. The moment you break from societal norms you may well be outcast. People actually try to defend their enslavement, forging your own path may well be met with resistance.
Too true, anyone that chooses their own path will create a moment of self-reflection in others, “Why are they not doing what we’ve both been doing for so long? Am I even on the right path?” This self-doubt is frightening, and in most cases, will be used to fuel the ‘defense of their enslavement’ as you put it so well. Thank you for sharing Gaz.
A few weeks ago, just before I first read this, I began walking my own path. It was super challenging to start but now it is great. I like being different and alone, but now I’ve read this it has motivated me even more. Thanks.
I love hearing that Rachel :)
Greetings, I’ll start by saying that this article has brought me a lot of clarity and that I want to say thank you for it being written. I just wanted to share my own experience in relation to this despite everything else.
For the longest while now I’ve had suspicions that nothing in this world is as it seems and it seems my suspicions were somewhat correct.
I never understood the purpose of getting grades because I knew people were represented by a lot more than mere numbers or letters signifying their abilities, then I questioned why people worked themselves to the bone in something they didn’t like and the questions just kept reeling in my mind. I knew there was more to life than what I saw before me and I’m glad that I have finally found people who can understand what I’m saying.
This article has woken me up for I used to loathe how different I was than others. I see now it was a blessing in disguise as a curse. I won’t be afraid to take my own path now and embrace my unique qualities.
I knew I was always something of an outsider or a misfit but now I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything it’ll be a thing which helps me create a more fufilling and free life doing something that I want. Not something that society wants or something to please others.
Thank you for writing this, as it has given me a lot of courage to accept myself and become something which will bring me a lot of joy. I know the life of an outcast is difficult and sometimes hard to push through but it is well worth it.
I look forward to reading more articles on Lonerwolf. Keep up the good work!
Kind regards,
– Moon
Thank you Moon for sharing your self-realization, it really is commenters like you that allow the many ‘outsiders’ to see there’s more of them than they initially thought. It’s often those who trod this unique path, these fringe dwellers, that can see further and deeper than someone who is too involved in the social system of our society. There’s not many, but these lone wolves do make ripples within our lives.