If there is any advice I would universally give to every person, regardless of who they are, it is this: walk your own path.
Walk your own damn path.
Don’t walk someone else’s path. Don’t walk the path your parents predestined for you just because you feel emotionally indebted to them. Don’t walk a path that appears to be yours, but is actually society’s fabricated ideal of who you ‘should’ be. Don’t walk a path just because you fell into it and it’s “good enough.” Don’t walk a path that you feel a sense of enslaved duty towards because it’s what you “need to be” doing according to dominant sociocultural standards.
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Walk your own path. That means CHOOSING your own path in a very conscious way. This is an act of spiritual self-sovereignty.
Table of contents
What is a Lone Wolf?
A lone wolf personality is typically defined as a person (or animal) who prefers to spend time alone rather than being in a group. However, within this website, lone wolf refers to a person who has listened to their calling and has left behind their old life, thus rendering them alone or alienated from others. We all possess an inner wolf that thirsts for freedom, truth, and authenticity. If we seek to live a meaningful life, if we want to fulfill our destiny and spiritual purpose, it’s our job to listen to that inner wolf and embrace our sacred wild nature.
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What does your inner lone wolf want you to know?
Why Most People Are Terrified of Walking Their Own Path
Although choosing your own path may initially sound very empowering, there’s a reason why most people prefer to follow the herd.
First Reason:
Firstly, walking your own path means that you might be REJECTED by others. You might be gossiped about, thought of in disparaging ways (e.g., as a “kook,” “oddball,” “idiot”), and outright alienated or estranged from other people. Sometimes those people who reject you are those closest to you. And what could be more painful than losing a family member, friend, or even partner?
As a species, we’re biologically programmed to seek approval because acceptance equals survival. Inevitably, doing anything that may cause us to be rejected sets off those deep, primal alarm bells and raises the hairs on the back of our necks. I would go so far as saying that walking your own path guarantees that at some point someone will look down on you and say, “what on earth are you doing, you imbecile?”
Second Reason:
The second reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s a hell of a lotta work. No one is out there giving you a map, a set of rules, or instructions that tell you what to do. YOU have to be responsible for figuring it all out from scratch.
It kind of feels like stumbling through the dark in a room full of sharp objects. You will make mistakes. You will fall flat and land smack bang on your face. You will feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, and a lot of other uncomfortable emotions that come with doing something completely radical.
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And on a mental and emotional level, most people see that. Most people understand, on some superficial level, the consequences and therefore prefer the cozy, comfortable, and bland mediocrity of society-prescribed living.
Third Reason:
The third reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s “too much” RESPONSIBILITY.
When you take your path into your own hands, YOU are responsible. There’s no one to blame, point the finger at, whine about, or feel victimized by. You are the worker, boss, innovator, and creator all-in-one. Instead of someone else holding all the cards, you hold all the cards, and it is ultimately your problem if you wind up feeling shitty with what you do. Most people can’t handle that.
Most people like the comfy confines of their cages because it makes them feel justified about feeling like a “poor little” victim of life. Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through blame.
Fourth Reason:
And last, but not least, the fourth reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that they don’t know where to start. Some don’t even know that there is another path, to begin with.
We seem to be raised in cultures that tell us that there are a limited number of paths, aka. the paths that are taught by the big money-making University and College industries.
In school, we are conditioned to believe that going to University is the only path towards developing a legitimately “fulfilling” career path … and that getting a properly certified career path somehow equals happiness. Very few of us are even taught about other equally, if not fulfilling paths. Spirituality isn’t even touched on in most cases.
So when we do stumble upon the possibility of taking a new path that goes against the grain, we are not only intimidated but also invalidated by our social conditioning.
Many people believe that the only way to know you’re walking a “proper” or valuable is if you get the approval of social institutions (or shall I say social marketplaces) in the form of degrees and PhDs. The deep distrust we are conditioned to develop in ourselves paralyzes our ability to act. So many of us never make anything of our dreams – they just fester in the back corners of our minds.
13 Weird and Wonderful Benefits of Walking Your Own Path
So far we’ve focused only on the negative side of walking your own path and being a lone wolf. But what about the breathtaking, exciting, blood-tingly-good benefits?
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When comparing the negatives and positives side by side, let me tell you, the negatives pale in comparison to what you can expect to experience.
Yes, being different and being a lone wolf walking your own path can be uncomfortable, tiring, confusing, and alienating at times – BUT there are so many rewards to reap from this courageous way of living. Some include:
- You’re free to follow your true soul path
- You’ll innovate and create to your heart’s utmost desire
- You’ll connect with people who truly support and nourish you (your soul family)
- You’ll experience tremendous mental, emotional, and spiritual growth
- You’ll become the person you are destined to be
- You’ll make a real difference in the life of others
- You feel more ALIVE
- Gratitude, excitement, and joy come more easily
- Many unexpected doors open to you
- You feel more vibrant and energized
- You feel a sense of self-respect for courageously pursuing your life purpose
- You get to experience the thrill of exploring unknown territory
- You can go to sleep at night feeling happy and content
Read: How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life »
Does walking your own path always mean that you’ll have to embrace being a lone wolf or social outsider? No, not always. Maybe your life purpose really is entering statistics into a data file in an office. Maybe it’s simply being an acceptable member of society. (If you feel empowered by that or like it’s for a greater purpose, all the more power to you!)
But I would argue that there’s a difference between defensive complacency (e.g., “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m perfectly happy in this path/job, thank you very much”) and real fulfillment.
Spiritual Awakening and Being a Lone Wolf
Spiritually speaking, we’re all required to walk the path of the lone wolf sooner or later. Those who have undergone a spiritual awakening and/or dark night of the soul know this all too well. Quite frankly, it’s impossible to keep conforming to society’s expectations and values after the veil has been pulled from our eyes. The old ways will eventually crumble. Something must give.
So, why is walking the path of the lone wolf an inseparable part of the spiritual awakening journey? The answer is that to begin the spiritual path in the first place we must leave the familiar. We must walk alone. We must go on a voyage into the Great Unknown. (If you’re familiar with mythologist Joseph Campbell’s ‘Hero’s Journey,’ or the Tarot’s Fool card, you’ll understand this.)
But what triggers this initial awakening and desire to go solo?
At a certain point in our lives, we look around at everything and everyone around us and think, “there’s got to be more.” We’re no longer fulfilled. Life feels empty. WE feel empty. This thirst for something deeper and greater than material pursuit is what initiates us onto the path of the lone wolf.
Why is it called “the path of the lone wolf”? The reason why I call it the lone wolf path is that it can initially be a very lonely path. WE must be the ones to reconnect with our inner courage, discernment, and wild internal compass to walk the path well – NO ONE else can do this work for us.
And without embodying the inner strength, resilience, and intelligence represented by the wolf, we can easily fall back into the soulless and oftentimes destructive life lived by the billions of sheep out there.
How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path
Walking your own path, on some level, always requires a conscious choice in which you say “YES, this feels true to me and what my Soul really craves for.” Even if you accidentally stumble onto that path, walking an authentic path always requires some level of self-awareness.
At some point in your life journey, you’ll need to embrace being a lone wolf. You’ll have to go at it alone. You’ll have to go against the grain, break free from the herd, ask the difficult questions, and face the confronting truths which may alienate you from others.
You’ll need to be discerning, see through the bullshit, shrug off the haters, and keep moving forward, even if you’re tired of fighting.
Being a lone wolf means being a spiritual warrior. It means standing up for what you believe in and courageously walking into the wild unknown.
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It’s all worth it. I can assure you of that and I can keep asserting it until I turn black and blue – but ultimately you must discover this for yourself. Don’t take anything I say as truth unless you have experienced it directly.
If you’re drawn towards embracing your inner wolf, beginning your spiritual journey, and courageously walking your own path, here are some helpful pointers:
1. Understand and accept that there will be some backlash
Whether from your friends, family members, or society at large, you will inevitably encounter naysayers. At some point, you’ll be met with cynics, killjoys, and sourpusses who seek to bring you down to their level. The reason why they fight against you is that, in their minds, you invalidate their way of existence. By courageously forging your own path you are causing them to reflect on their own lives and decisions. If on some level, they’ve realized that they’ve followed the crowd and made no unique decisions of their own, they’ll feel a sense of resentment which they’ll project onto you.
Although it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of this, understand that the issue lies with them, not you. Everyone walking a path with a heart will experience social unease at some point – you’re certainly not alone in facing this problem. Just keep moving forward and remind yourself that it’s no one’s place to dictate what your life should be like except you.
2. Ask yourself, “What do I truly and deeply want?”
This is not a question you ask just once, this is a question you continuously ask on your path, thousands of times over. Keep bringing back your focus on what you desire on the deepest level – not what others want to project or dump onto you.
What do you feel called to do? What do you wish to accomplish in your life? What wild paths are you afraid to take because they are so alien – but that you feel secretly drawn towards?
Our paths are not static: they’re constantly shifting, evolving, and changing. By repeatedly asking yourself this question, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself over and over again. Instead of getting stuck in an old and stagnant way of living, you will be in tune with your Soul.
Read: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
3. Question everything
Being a lone wolf and walking your own path go hand-in-hand with a sharp mind. How are we to discover what is our “stuff” vs. other’s “stuff” if we can’t be discerning? How can we learn what is true and what is deceptive without the ability to analyze?
Your mind is a tool that needs to be sharpened. Without having a sharp mind, it’s easy to fall into delusion, naivety, and stumble into rabbit holes which lead to great confusion. Without the ability to use critical thought (and balance that with an open heart), you can easily fall prey to emotional and spiritual predators out there.
Your ability to be discerning is your protective sword on your path. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be discerning! Don’t let anyone convince you of anything until you have experienced it yourself.
Read: The Dangers of Lacking Spiritual Discernment »
4. Love yourself and be your own best friend
Embracing the path of the wolf and taking responsibility for your life can be lonely. If you are your own worst enemy, your path will be a million times harder. But if you can focus some of that energy on learning to love and accept yourself exactly the way you are (warts and all), your path will be a million times easier.
You are with yourself 24/7 and you’re the only person who has been there by your side through everything … doesn’t it make sense to like who you are? Doesn’t it make sense to enjoy spending time with yourself? In my experience it absolutely does. Practicing self-compassion and learning how to love yourself are two of the most powerful tools and strengths you can possess. Ever.
5. Know yourself
Strive to learn a little bit more about yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses each and every day. Self-discovery and self-understanding are tremendously important facets of walking your own path. As the wise master, Lao Tzu once wrote, “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” Only when you can come to deeply know yourself can you truly embrace who you are and walk your path with confidence.
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6. Feel the fear, but act anyway
Walking the path of the lone wolf will inevitably confront you with some scary and intimidating situations. Even just starting the path can be terrifying.
Following your heart and listening to your calling is not as sunshine-and-roses as many people make it out to be. Often it requires tremendous sacrifice and the ability to look fear straight in the face without turning away.
While I am not a perfect example, I have learned as a rule that feeling the fear but acting anyway is a good choice (in most cases). Obviously, if you’re facing a life-threatening situation it would be better to pause and probably run the opposite way.
But if the fear you’re feeling is emotional or psychological be gentle with yourself and keep pushing forward. Hold your goal in mind, reaffirm your worthiness and inner strength, and keep going. Don’t let anything or anyone try to bring you down. And if you do fall down, keep picking yourself up, over and over again. Remember, you can do anything, just do it afraid. Have the courage to be vulnerable.
7. Let your wild nature guide you
You are both human and divine – accept this. Embrace the wild and non-rational part of you that serves as your inner compass. Listen to your gut feelings and let your animal self be filled with passion. You don’t have to be tamed or repressed any longer.
Walking your own path and embracing the lone wolf side of you means that you finally have freedom. You have the freedom to feel the wind in your hair, the sun on your face, and the earth beneath your feet. Your life is your making. Your destiny is in your hands.
Make sure that you get out of your mind and into your body; into your heart, blood, and bones … what are they telling you? Honor the wisdom in your instinctual nature. Honor the wild and raw passion pulsating deep within. Harness this passion and let it guide and motivate you.
There is no point walking a path that you do not feel passionate about. Let the wolf within you howl loudly and freely. Remember that YOU are both the traveler and the path all-in-one. The compass you need for your path is always within. Be careful of looking for it outside of yourself. While others may be able to shine a light on your path, ultimately the greatest guiding light is your own Soul.
Read: 7 Signs You’re a Free Spirit »
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What is your experience with walking the path of the lone wolf? What struggles have you faced and how have you overcome them (if at all)? What did it feel like when you broke away from the herd and followed your own path? I’d love to read your response below.
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I can identify with a lot of this fully. While I’ve always been an outsider, due to childhood trauma, I developed Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and anxiety. I spent much of my life codependent and relying on others for any sense of self. I used to spend most of my time asleep in order to escape. With the pandemic happening I saw the universe giving me the opportunity to be a “teenager” again. I’ve been spending more time alone than I have for a very long time but it has been crucial. You have to spend time alone in order to find out who you truly are. I finally got to the point where I could enjoy being alone, but usually only after social exhaustion. I have lost of lot of friends, but it has made space for healthier relationships. I just keep telling myself that eventually, being alone won’t be such a struggle. I am nowhere near where I used to be but saying it’s hard is an understatement. It’s all worth it though I know it is.
A lot of this resonates with me. For the past six months I have undergone a bit of a spiritual transformation. An unhappy marriage left me falling for another, someone who for logistical reasons I could never be with, yet somehow discovering the radical acceptance of this gave me a sense of calm and detachment which I could then apply to the rest of my life, my career, my children etc. It even allowed me to understand my wife in a new light. I have looked back and unpicked how a series of ‘trauma moments’ in my teens caused me to be guarded and protective about displays of emotions to others, and in recent months found someone who is so beautifully open and expressively vulnerable, gave me the safe space in which to open up and explore my own vulnerabilities.
But I am with my wife, and although we do still love each other, I feel this ‘affinity’ is missing (I’m working on my own ‘affinity theory’) so I am at a crossroads of creating a huge schism for something which on many levels feels quite self centered and anti-conventional, but to me feels it’s something I almost have to do, just for the hell of it.
To see what’s on the other side…
When i first got seperated by the herd i tried to figure how i could find another herd but all went down and thats when i realized i am the best person to talk to, so i decided to find my inner strenght en after a long battle with lonelyness and insecurity somehow i found myself in a state of mind that sets me free from society. The travel i made was rough and it wasnt easy but now i embraced my own path and saw hapiness. Hapiness trapped in missery – dreams of an absolution (song from sonic 06)
From the age of 17 i set out on my own path. I merged with others as i needed to and still did what i wanted when i wanted and did not care about what happened. Then about 10 yrs ago i rekindled an old flame that was calling out to me. Although some of my instincts were telling me to stop my heart ultimately took control and we got married. She’s a beautiful woman inside and out but a tortured soul. In the end when she started to grow from this she realized that i was not the lover and husband that she knew or even wanted to some extent. In the end she ended things with lies and infidelity even going so far as to bring him and i under the same roof. My feelings so strong for her i fought and still do in the hopes that she will remember the man she fell in love with, but like she says, “i don’t know what’s to come.”
I find myself delving into daydreams of erotic, sadistic, even homicidal episodes. Feelings so real that i can taste, smell, even feel the blood on me. Now will i entertain these dreams no obviously not. My hurdle now is to express my feelings to my spouse up to and beyond the divorce. Then once things are true and settled I can return to the path i should not have strayed so far from.
I’m not sure if I really want to be a lonewolf . I’m just not happy and I feel extremely lonely. I did follow the crowd when I decided to go for medical field in college and I absolutely hated it, that’s why I decided to walk my own path but it doesn’t seem to make me happy. Somehow, I feel like I’m following another crowd, another cult …this lonewolf thing. I know that I’m just starting my life but I feel hopeless.
There is deep feeling of emptiness inside me…I don’t know if I’m ever gonna experience true happiness
Choosing another path that you wanna follow isnt follwing another herd, its a choiche you made and people decide to follow the same path as long as you feel that its your own choise.
Safaa
May I suggest one thing? Don’t chase happiness. It is not a thing that can be found, it’s a gift that comes slowly from feeling and knowing that you are walking the right path, however hard it may seem, that you are doing what is right for you, and good, useful, productive, for others and also for yourself, you will never live in a constant state of happiness, it never happens, but when you are being true to yourself and doing good there will be enough. In the book that made him a pariah (220 years ago) – The Age of Reason – Thomas Paine wrote –
“My religion is to do good.”
Look for the good you can do. And also take care not to let others take too much advantage of you, a marriage counselor warned me, “You are a giver, most people are takers, be careful.” I should have been more careful, but it’s been a learning experience, and we don’t want to be too careful, we’re here to crawl and walk and run and fall and get up again and learn until we learn to fly.
Love your work. As someone who has walked my path, I resonate with what you say. I honor your wisdom.
It may sound s as though, through these words, I speak only to myself… but I welcome other thoughts, ideas, comments, even criticisms… I have become accustomed to my own self , inner voice ,… I have had to learn to protect myself… An important lesson has been in knowing the predators, because they are there for a reason….providing lessons. They arise in all manner of folk… even one’s own child. Walking my own path … travelling along life’s path on my own “soles”, always my own… soul…. Gaslights seem often to have thwarted me yet led the way forward …. life’s duality was the point of the first painting that emerged from my inner self only FIVE years ago …I , as a Butterfly (. that is how I roll, rhymes) , screamin demons, … I write about it and l cannot find the woman who entered the forest…The timid, frightened, woman who jumped at the sight of shadows even her own…. became a “frayed (afraid) knot ” , constantly “searching for the Mr Right ” who turned into Mr Wrong… and then left… I say as if I am writing a play , ” Exit left” … I have felt that up until I came back to earth with an almighty THUD when a bushfire incinerated half of Kangaroo Island, ( my sanctuary of 5 years). My quest now is to die with dignity as a human being, with even just one person with me. A human being who bothered to find out who I am , who I was .
who would care for a sand witch, I read that book so many times to my three children , now all adult but only I truly heard the message. .. and I truly care. Simple really everything that is a truth on my journey rhymes… everyone can hear perhaps but I see, feel know the miracle… Truly Julie
I did not happen upon this article by chance. Thank you!
Spirits on my couch, a mysterious spirit has taken up residence in my bedroom for the time being. My head physically hurts like things are moving inside, of their own accord. Trying never works and taking responsibility means going with the flow which means embracing my subjectivity. Lectures are pointless and determinism doesn’t matter even though technically it’s true or at least, if it isn’t, what else is there except a reason for something happening or it being completely random? We have no control over either. May as well embrace going with the flow and subjectivity then… except trying doesn’t work with regards to going with the flow. So try to stop trying? Doesn’t work. The only thing that works I think is giving up except one can’t make oneself give up so something external has to do it and that involves suffering … a lot. Everything is pointless. I’m ranting right now because I’m suffering right now and because I have literally no one to talk to about it.
I was born being solitary, I walk my own path and have always preferred animals over people. I have never seen it as a negative, its simply the way I am wired. People wrongly assume loners are lonely, not so. I am also an INFJ and people can overwhelm me. Solitude is calm, beautiful, soothing, quiet, introspective. Animals can sense that. The downside is that you have to accept all the joys you find in a day go unnoticed except by you. No one to share in the wonder. Internal harmony comes from knowing who you are, accepting who you are and finding happiness in the small things in life which feel very sublime from my little corner. Solitary people are the observers. That comes out in art. You take in the vibes and create in a quiet spot on the planet.
Black Otter
You sound much like me. I have always felt solitary, I have always felt more affinity for animals than people, so many people are so “noisy inside” – that’s what I call it – that they are exhausting and overwhelming for me. I had to quit being a lawyer and becomes a truck driver – a pretty solitary occupation – to get away from the noisiness of everyone. It was the right thing for me to do, no regrets. Saved my sanity.
Yes, solitary people are the observers, and we see so much that most people never begin to see, and the disconnect is always there, the other disconnect is that I prefer to be solitary than to be together with anyone I know, but I always wish there were someone who could be in my space at least some of the time, I get so damn tired of always being solitary sometimes. Yes, it comes out in your art, it comes out in my poetry, I will retire in 3 years at 70 and come out with my music and 3 or 4 books of my poetry, see what happens then, at least maybe I will feel less invisible.