I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.
— Haruki Murakami, (Norwegian Wood)
One of the greatest problems that Old Souls ever face in this life, is finding love.
What sets Old Souls apart from others is their deeper level of maturity or wisdom, and with this wisdom comes the need to live and love authentically.
But as you’ve probably already discovered, the problem with most relationships is that they’re established to avoid loneliness, create comfort or security, or gain some sense of self-worth.
In other words, many relationships are based on playing ego-centered “games,” just like the ones we see on TV and in films. People thrive on the drama. People believe that they “need” another person to fill an empty hole inside of them. But something within you thirsts for a deeper level of love beyond the melodrama and lust.
The truth is, you yearn deep down for that which you’ve never (or rarely) experienced before: a relationship that is intense but healthy, devoted but free, supportive but not smothering.
You crave for honesty, authenticity, passion, empathy, true love, sincerity, and depth. You want to be seen, heard, understood, valued, and loved for who you are. And you want to express the same towards someone else.
My first relationship happened in my early twenties, with Luna. Up until that point in my life, I didn’t feel that any person matched my intensity of love, even after traveling through countless countries and meeting hundreds of people.
Over the years workings with many Old Souls I’ve come to realize that many others experience this exact same problem: the inability to find, or form, a truly fulfilling relationship.
Here are some of the main reasons why finding love as an Old Soul is so difficult:
1) We want love that is authentic
We want to be in a relationship that encourages and celebrates mutual authenticity. We don’t want to hide, pretend, suppress or change who we are in any way. We don’t want to find someone that doesn’t mind “putting up” with us, but rather, encourages us to “put forth” our truest and most authentic selves to be completely embraced.
2) We want love that teaches us
Instead of criticizing or rejecting us, we crave for someone who will point out where we’re going wrong, or ways that we need grow. Deep down, we realize that we will always have more to learn (Socrates once said “True wisdom is knowing that you know nothing”). It can be argued that all love affairs teach us, but they usually teach us unconsciously as a byproduct of suffering. Conscious teaching, on the other hand, is rare, precious and hard to find.
3) We’re healers but we don’t want to “fix” anyone
Due to our nature, we tend to attract people who are looking for help. But while our natural response is to offer help, we realize that entering a relationship in order to “fix” the other person is unwise. We don’t want to be the 24/7 doctors or counselors of our partners; we want to find someone who is in a similar place to us.
4) We have complex personalities
We think a lot, see deeply into the nature of reality and have intense personalities. It’s hard to find a person who can understand or match our complex identities. Having depth and seeking truth in a society that values materialistic status, objects, and superficial appearance can intimidate most people from getting to know us.
5) We want love that is beyond “liking”
We want fierce, uncompromising, genuine, deep love. In today’s world, most people throw around the word “love” as if it were synonymous with “like,” such as, “I love this ice cream/this pair of shoes.”
“Like” has no commitment. One day you like one flavor, the next day you like another.
Love is different. While liking is superficial, love is penetrating. While “liking” something is admiring its exterior form (and letting everyone know what that says about you), love is seeing past the exterior form and adoring the Soul.
6) We want love that is vulnerable
Being compatible at a personality level is simply not enough. True love is not liking someone or sharing their same interests, but instead is willingly opening up one’s heart and Soul — even if it hurts.
It is through the willingness to be vulnerable that wounds open, are given air, and heal. It is through vulnerability that we experience courage and the ability to love unconditionally.
7) We want commitment and effort
Love constantly needs to be nurtured, like the embers of a burning fire. Words are empty when they aren’t followed by action. As Old Souls, we know that real love can only be shown through shared experiences, effort, and dedication.
8) We want love rooted in wholeness
The moment your happiness depends on another person, you lose your freedom to love out of choice. We want a partner who is happy and whole by themselves so that we can share that wholeness with them. When people enter a relationship out of a sense of “neediness” because they feel incomplete or fear being lonely, the relationship is doomed. As Old Souls, we realize that healthy relationships are rooted in inner happiness.
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9) We won’t settle for anything less than Soulmate love
Old Souls find it difficult to settle for comfort, lust, superficial attraction, security, or “keeping each other company.” We need someone who will share our values and be a true spiritual companion. We thirst for Soulmate and Twin Flame love.
10) We don’t enjoy the “Dating Game”
The drama, the addiction, the stimulation, the rules of what “should and shouldn’t” happen … it’s this egocentric approach towards love that Old Souls find so unappealing. This adds to the ever-increasing difficulty of finding love.
11) We come with wounds
Many Old Souls become the way they are through difficult and traumatic life circumstances which force the growth of inner maturity. When it comes to love, it’s vital that we find someone who is mature enough to deal with the “baggage” we often carry. But this can be hard to find in others.
12) We want more than just sex
Lust, seduction, and sex are alluring but ultimately momentary and shallow if obsessed over. While we love sex, we want more than just one night stands. We want to share our bodies with those that fall in love with our Souls first, rather than just our physical forms.
13) We’re Free Spirits
The reason why falling in love is so beautiful is because it expands us: it unites us with our innate freedom. The moment control is asserted over such a transcendent experience, we put love in a cage. And every time we look at that cage, we feel guilty in remembering how free that bird once was.
Deep down, Old Souls know how vital it is to encourage freedom in relationships. But it’s hard to find a person who is willing to fly free as well. Freedom requires courage and the ability to love another despite what they say, want or do.
The first present I gave Luna was a ring, with the inscription: “Alis volat propriis” (She flies with her own wings).
***
These are just a few of the reasons why so many Old Souls struggle in finding love.
What is your experience as an Old Soul trying to find love? I’d love to hear your stories below.
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I wonder if there’s someone waiting for me in this lifetime, a kindred soul with whom I can feel that true, metaphysical love. Funny thing is that I love people, moreover I make music spreading the message of love, yet I never felt how it is to be loved. Who knows maybe it’s my destiny in this lifetime to be a single, because only then I can fulfill my mission. :)
Very funny how easy it was finding real love in the old days when most women back then were very old fashioned and real ladies as well, along with having very good manners and a real good personality as well. Dating is very difficult today since most women can’t even commit to only one man anymore, and in the past which most women did.
We have sex with our bodies, any damn fool can. and most damn fools do We make love with our souls As he often does Mateo nails it, 13 reasons why old souls have trouble finding love, I hit bingo on all 13, and being an old soul empath makes it worse. I don’t know whether this is more of a gift or more of a curse, and having some conscious past lives connections makes it even worse. There’s a woman I work with, her first day (about 15 years ago) I fell in love in a nanosecond the first time I saw here, I said to myself, Oh my god, that’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and the most beautiful soul shining in her eyes. And for fifteen years I’ve fallen in love at first sight again every time I’ve seen here, two or three times a week (we work different schedules). She knows, but she doesn’t understand, she’s a much younger soul, the spirits gave me a very rare gift, very painful, but a gift, a spontaneous past life regression to a time about 2,000 years ago when she and I were the great loves… Read more »
This article is me to the T, every single reason. I am struggling to find love, but not many are interested in me just being me. I’m 34 and everyone that knows me calls me grandma. I love me and am not willing to change. I know I’m still young and still have a chance of finding my soulmate but I’ve also accepted that it might not happen. I tell everyone that asks me about relationships, that it’s in Gods time. Thank you for writing this article.
At the end of this year I will be 70. I’ve never had a deeply loving connection at all those years. And it’s taken me all this time – after one single article by Luna & Sol – for me to finally understand why my life as an ‘old soul’ has been so, so difficult. I started questioning the validity of God when I was 9 years old and refused to go to Church. I watched – like a back seat driver – my friends at school so excited about their dreams of being, teachers, opticians, solicitors, going to University and while I was top of the class for 2 years running, suddenly I questioned ‘what is this all for?’ and I dropped to the bottom. No one ever asked me why? I never ever had a conversation with either of my parents as they were on the ladder to success and each other. So here I am. Probably the youngest looking 69 year old on the planet, unused and with very little mileage on the clock; all bearings intact. I would just like to know one lovely lady, before I eventually slip off the plate:-)
Love is freedom. Love isn’t circumstantial. Its a feeling that u can be all that u are and others can be all they are without holding back or have to put yourself out there. Just u in the now. U are everything at every moment. This feeling of space and grace. No change in the space u are. Allowing. Beautiful. And being able to share that space with someone just makes me smile because im free. Ahhh.
Yeah, most women today have very very high standards now.
Totally agree with all 13 reasons. That’s true.
I am in a difficult place with this. I’ve been single for almost a decade (and starting to really enjoy it), and haunted by the memory of this one girl I met way back in 2011. She seemed to mirror a lot of my traits; shy, quiet, introverted, etc, but once I started talking with her, she really opened up and blossomed into someone who is the most authentic, loving and open person I’ve ever spoken to or possibly even met. Unfortunately, I tried to remain in touch with her but she wanted nothing to do with me and retracted back into her quiet, shy, fearful self. She has since blocked me on social media and we are no longer in touch. But I developed a strong, unwavering unconditional love for her which I’ve never felt for anyone else; I used to think of love as attachment and obsession, but with her there was no possessing, no binding, just sharing. To this day, the memory of her (who I believe she REALLY is) still haunts me and I’m trying to move on as best as I can. I also don’t know whether or not I will meet anyone like Maggie… Read more »
wow o wow finally i know what’s happening with me ….i am changed and became an old soul all that is being said here is what i feel deepest. After i lost my Twin Flame ( as now i know why but also said it to him) differences are there to learn from, love is love not need , but being honest. i am not into dating at all ( yep even as an gay which is a world of deceiving and jealousy and abuse on a high level ) . Freedom i gave and just was there to be ….freedom ……and indeed many think love is need …to say every day i love you etc, but the heart and soul know better . had a kanduli rising last night and some stuff just came in. it started with a deep migraine and i thought i do not ant this anymore as this is not whats life about …..and then i got the feeling deeply he is stil the one i love and will always as we are one soul really but i do not have to keep this energy in me ..as so in a way i set it… Read more »