Intense people. They’re said to be the radicals of society, the misanthropes of the world, and the killjoys of polite and amicable conversations.
If you’re a person who experiences impassioned, fervent, frenzied, vehement, and agonizingly ardent emotions … you’re probably an intense person.
But while having an intense personality might not be approved by society (the scientific name is “being extra“), it’s actually a gift in disguise.
As an intense person myself, it’s always been difficult making/keeping long-term friends. I either give too much of myself or expect too much in return.
I also feel things extremely deeply, with the highs of life feeling very high, and the lows feeling profoundly low.
Yet despite the downsides of this trait, having an intense personality has helped me tremendously on my life journey and spiritual path.
And if you’re an intense person, this trait can help you too. I’ll explain why and how.
Table of contents
Why You Have an Intense Personality
Ever wondered why you are so intense?
Here’s what you should know that might empower you to embrace this fundamental part of you:
- You’re an empath (aka., you’re like an emotional sponge)
- You’re a highly sensitive person (HSP) – this is a trait that has been studied by science and it’s also known as “sensory processing sensitivity”
- You’re choleric or melancholic by nature (perhaps sanguine) – see this four temperaments test
- You were just born that way *shrug*
Aside from other factors like the food you eat (being hopped up on caffeine or sugar can definitely make you intense) or an underlying mental health condition, having an intense personality is a great blessing in disguise.
Let me explore why it’s a gift:
Having an Intense Personality and Spiritual Awakening
To be an intense person means that you’ll likely experience some of the following feelings, desires, and behaviors:
- You have a tremendous inner drive (or ‘fire’)
- You’re sincere
- You’re devoted
- You’re interested in truth (some people may be uncomfortable with your brutal honesty)
- You feel everything deeply
- You often think about the meaning of life and other ‘intense’ subjects
All of these qualities can help you tremendously on your path of growth, transformation, and yes, spiritual awakening.
Many people with intense personalities have undergone awakenings where they begin to question their choices, seek a higher purpose, and try to find their destiny.
Being intense means that, most likely, you won’t stay on the surface of life like the majority of other people. Something within you (we call it the inner wolf), will drive you to go soul searching.
Can you see why this can be such a precious quality?
Your intensity propels you onto paths that few others dare to explore or walk. This means that entire worlds open up to you that aren’t as easily revealed to others of a milder disposition.
19 Signs of the Excruciatingly Intense Person
Wondering whether you’re an intense person?
Here are some telltale signs:
1. If we feel safe, it doesn’t take long for us to open up. Think 2 minutes at the most!
2. We cogitate on thoughts for hours. And hours. And hours.
3. Sometimes we plan to do or say something weeks in advance. Sometimes months.
4. We care about everything and everyone, constantly. To the point of mental exhaustion.
5. Our eye contact is intense. Conversely, we may feel uncomfortable making eye contact because of the intensity of our inner thoughts and emotions.
6. We want to help everyone and everything. For instance, if we saw a snail crawling across a footpath, we would stop to help it cross. If someone stepped on it, we would cringe, shriek, or melancholically stare at its remains for longer than “the average person.”
7. We use intense language and speak with conviction that can make others uncomfortable.
8. We prefer private messaging and one-to-one engagement with people. Being in big groups feels like we’re half-assing social engagement.
9. We pay undivided attention to each person we talk to. This can make the person feel extremely flattered or extremely uncomfortable.
10. We bring up edgy and potentially embarrassing topics into normal conversations. Think divorce, sex lives, religion, politics, mental illness, hemorrhoids … :)
11. We tend to have intense highs and lows. Aka., we feel everything intensely.
12. We’re conscientious and sincere to a fault.
13. We have a strong ‘spiritual streak.’ We’re drawn to philosophies and paths that can seem pretty ‘out there’ to the everyday person.
14. We contemplate deep questions, like “Why was I born?” “What happens after I die?” “What’s the meaning of everything?”
15. We want to spend all day, every day, with our loved ones. Yes, I agree that this can come across as ‘clingy’ – but we have such BIG hearts!
16. We don’t like having big social networks – they dilute our intensity too much.
17. We’re die-hard romantic idealists. Yes, we have a strong romantic streak. No, we’re not ashamed of it.
18. We easily become emotionally bonded to characters in books, TV shows, and movies. When Jack died in Titanic, and when Dobby died in Harry Potter … we cried our eyes out. For days.
19. We crave meaningful conversations. There’s no such thing as “small talk” or “frivolous banter” to us.
How to Embrace Your Intense Personality
In a world where everyone is trying to fit in, blend in, and be liked, it can be hard being an intense person.
When others find us too ‘extra,’ dramatic, weird, or fierce, it can feel tempting to play small and hide. Yet even still, we struggle to stay within those tiny boxes that society tries to stuff us in.
Remember that your essence is a gift.
If you’d like to embrace who you are more, here’s some guidance:
- Learn how to deepen your self-worth.
- Make the practice of self-love a daily habit.
- Have some go-to self-care practices when everything feels too overwhelming.
- Explore learning how to trust your intuition – it will help you to make friends with the right people who love and accept you for who you are.
- Embrace spirituality as an outlet for your intensity – some of the best mystics and sages had intense personalities (and you’ll be able to relate!)
- Try breathwork to release pent-up stress and tension.
- Learn how to stay grounded so that you can take on whatever the world throws at you.
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Do you have an intense personality? What pearls of wisdom can you offer to those just like you who are struggling with this trait?
This is fantastic. Thank you!
Yup. This sums me up pretty accurately.
This article is a godsend and one of the tools I’m using for self-acceptance. Thank you for offering this to the community. ❤️
This article reads like someone identifying with some rather maladaptive traits as a way to justify them, thus avoiding the painful personal work required to move past them and operate with more ease. Don’t get me wrong: if this is how you are right now, it is OK. But your (intense) personality is not YOU, and has no solidity and can absolutely be changed or even dropoed altogether, if you want!
If half of these makes you excruticiatingly intense whayät dpes it mean if every single point hits home…
Ouch! Said the EEE. I talked to my therapist about this. We identified some strategies to effectively manage emotions. I’m committed to being more direct with my needs. I understand that I’m responsible for my emotions. This article reminds me that I’ve grown over the years as well as I can continue to develop. We out here tryin to unlearn and update. Thanks for your candor!
This post resonated with some of my qualities so much, and I never thought these would be characteristics of an intense person.
But yes, some of these are risky if you’re someone who’s very anxious about outcomes in life and playing the victim card. Otherwise these characteristics can be taken as a positive dose to my personality.